Overcoming Social Anxiety as an Introvert

As an introvert, annnndd if you struggle with insecurity, doesn’t mean you have to skip out on socials and events. Let's Chat....grab your coffee...it's Sister Time.

I used to avoid going anywhere alone, especially if it was new to me, even if it was an event at my own church. I didn’t wanna show up in an unknown space. Not knowing who would be there or what to expect! I missed out on a LOT of love and experiences until I learned it was a good idea to buddy up and not miss out on what could be a blessings!!

With time and healing and some awesome Sisters willing to "hold my hand" and be my Event Buddy, I learned to be courageous and confident enough to go out alone. ALONE! It feels embarrassing to say that because soooo many people don't even think twice about going places alone....not sure whether to blame shyness, insecurity, fear...but I blame the enemy. 

I used to sit in the shame and feeling less-than-ness. I saw myself as somehow weak and lacking. I wanted so badly to be vivacious and fun and extroverted but it wasn't me and trying to be was soooo draining and exhausted me. Knowing it would take so much energy to "keep up and get out" I simply limited the amount of times I did it.

Anyone else?!?

Now, all these years later, here I am wanting to host events for people who are scared to be there! Funny how God works!!! Sure, depending on the event, I get butterflies, but it's not fear based. 

I actually enjoy going out to new places, seeing new things, trying new things and feeling alive and joyful walking in the anticipation God is revealing His glory through me, for my benefit or overcoming and victory also knowing I can't help but shout out the praise and use it as an encouragement for someone else!

Some may call it a mid-life crisis when you see us over 50's stepping out and doing new things. I think it's more about mid-life crunch time...we recognize it's time to DO THE THINGS because we just sat through intermission and it's the 2nd Act and it's almost Finale time.

I want YOU to avoid missing out on timely appointments and enjoyments and walk in courage and joy every single day, JUST AS YOU ARE!!!

Here are a few quick tips:

I look for ways to volunteer beforehand if it’s an event of any kind. Otherwise, standing in the back, not shaming myself, looking for ways to help serve others while there.

If you are still needing a Buddy, Get One!! Have a buddy so attention can be deflected as needed. Be sure to let your friend know your level of anxiety or nervousness to step in if they see you struggle.

No sugars or caffeine’s that day (or few days before) to ignite adrenals, instead camomile tea and vitamins.

Lavender oil is always good to have on you as well as inhaling the hour before, and during! I use diffuser bracelets too. (Link to the one I have used since 2008)

Guard your energy before and during with Prayer. Deep breathes, enjoy conversations that uplift and bring you joy. Move away from the drama if you walk up on it or if you begin feeling depleated. Sometimes a little bathroom break or stepping outside for a minute helps with that fresh breath.

Worship the Lord with every breath and count your blessings! Continually praise and say Thank you Lord for...

Look for ways to distract your mind and serve in some way. Something as simple as holding a door or paying compliments is so valuable.

Don’t miss out on life. Open up and release the fear of the unknown, fear of rejection. Trust and Faith. He is there with you mountain top or valley low, in your city or out in the wilderness. His heart is near!!

Sister, remember this, it's not always about YOU! Perhaps the Lord has invited YOU into this space to bless. Don't miss out on those Divine Appointments and Enjoyments! Walk with eager anticipation.

Feel free to share any social tips you have too!! There are many ways to cope and prepare, these are my basics!!! Love to hear yours!

It's Time!! Let's Go in Love and Faith!!! He is able to do exceedingly more than you can imagine!

Hugs, High 5's and Blessings! 

Yo Big Sister Shell

Things to Dump in the name of Love

The month of Love. For some, it's a blissful month of chocolates, cuddles, oodling, dating, intimate moments, extravagance and flowers while others feel heartache, loss, jealousy and loneliness. 

We were created with a need for True Love. We spend our days searching to fill that space, trying so many different things, and will until you find Love Who Fills.

The media is so good at showing us ways to fill this need. Eventhough Love Himself fills and holds my whole heart, and blessed me with a Man to share life and love with for over 30 Valentines, I catch myself oodling at the beautiful diamonds and romantic getaways on all the commercials because in my every day life, I am simple. I enjoy a coffee on the couch in pjs, I enjoy a simple gift, simple meal, simple outing, simple way of life. I am not a glam girl. Do I love pretty things? Beautiful clothes? Nails and hair done? Nice food out? Luxurious spas? Sure! But I don't need them or chase them.  

A few years ago, I decided to start hosting a Sweet Love night at my home. I was so nervous because I hadn't ever hosted a party for friends before...fear of rejection. There it is. What if no one came? What if I was boring? What if they thought it was stupid?

But God! I dumped the lies and pursued True Love and did it anyway. I invited a group of women from my church over, in the Name of Love. Valentines is sweet, yet bittersweet. In the room were woman who had recently lost their spouses, who were struggling to feel loved in their marriages, some who were too exhausted to feel loved Sisterly or Intimately.

These were wonderfully satisfying nights of introducing these Sisters in Christ to each other, sharing stories of hope and love, and for those who don't know me yet...yes, we enjoyed some serious coffee & chocolates!

As much as we need to embrace Love, some of us need to break up with false idols who keep us from receiving and giving love.

Today, what do you need to dump in order to have True Love?

Insecurity?

Fear?

Anxiety?

Control?

Addiction?

Perfectionism?

Feelings of lack, envy, hate, jealousy, greed, addictions, pride, immorality?

Lust?

Now that you have broken up, let's pray for Love's return and filling. Let's ask for blessings of Grace and deep soul satisfying wholeness to fill us. Let's open our hearts to receive again. Whatever barriers have been placed around your heart, will you allow Jesus to be the new Gate Keeper? Will you trust, let go of control and surrender to Love?

May it be so.

I pray this month brings you such deep joy as you remember the Love The Creator, Your Father, the Great I Am has for you. His Love is unconditional and of the purest kind that no human on this earth, no matter how wonderful they are, can match. He is the Ultimate Lover of Your Soul. You can trust Him. He's got you in His heart. Will you allow Him in yours?

"Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, 

bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. 

And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. 

And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. 

And be thankful."

Colossians 3:12-15 ESV

10 years Since Fear Was my Middle Name and Where Faith Is was born

"I am hard pressed between the two. My desire is to depart and be with Christ, for that is far better. But to remain in the flesh is more necessary on your account.

Convinced of this, I know that I will remain and continue with you all, for your progress and joy in the faith, so that in me you may have ample cause to glory in Christ Jesus, because of my coming to you again." - Philippians 1:23-26

What a conversation it was. This was the essence of my conversation with the Lord beginning in December 2008. Better is one day with Him than thousands elsewhere, and I wanted so badly to feel His presence again...I knew He wasn't done with me, so I always hoped...oh Lord give me Grace, give me hope, give me courage to be Your Light and Encouragement to others. Use me to be Your hugs here on Earth to those who don't feel them. For those who feel useless and unseen, less than and yet want so badly to share Light and Love in Your name, Please Lord, I wish it could be Me! 

That has always been my desire and my hope for life and ministry. I have always desired to love God and others with all my heart but that soul mission led by love, was controlled by fear. All the What if's and I can'ts became part of my being. I was the most prepared person for defeat because fear was my active middle name, not Eileen which was what my Mom had given.

Today marks 10 years since the beginning of what would be a transforming season of redefining, refining, and heavy sifting. I could write longer than you'd care to read about this journey and all I have learned but I will spare you as this is lengthy enough. 

This is Where Faith Is birthed from. A place of journaling, processing, exposing, sharing, ministering and documenting. Looking back, that time was painful and terrifying, and yet divine and exhilarating. Intense for a season but growth for a lifetime! As much as I prayed for the Lord to restore me back "the way life was", I am glad He didn't. I didn't know life without fear until it was gone and there was no going back! Freedom is incredible and life altering. 

In that season I was madder than I had ever been at God in my life and then more in love with Him than I had ever been in my life. It was a gloriously intense season. I am thankful God doesn't answer exactly what we ask, but chooses to allow what is for our good, that He may receive all the glory. Remember this when you too face hard moments or seasons. I promise you, He is up to something for you, not against you. 

We may not ever fully understand or see the fruit of suffering, but there is a trust that is foundational to the hope we must stand on even when, especially when, we cannot see.

Satan may be whispering in your ear...give up...you don't matter...no one will miss you if you're not here...God doesn't really love you like He loves others...you won't ever get over "it"...God won't remain patient with you...you'll never be good enough...God can't use you...you're not able...you're not enough...So many other people will do it better than you...etc. Absolute LIES!! These are lies from the the great deceiver.

Friend, You are loved, cherished, covered, forgiven, enough, ready, equipped, necessary and instrumental to the glory of God! Every drop of blood He gave, was meant for you too! He wants you, and others need you!! God has planned a purposeful life for you and only He knows how many days that will be for each of us so who are we to be wasteful or careless with these precious breaths?!? 

The sheep do not instruct the Shepherd, nor does the clay teach the Potter. What a wonderful day when we learn to live each day fully, without regret, without fear, without worry. Even in trials, we are being refined and strengthened as we are walking through Fire which doesn't burn, because He is near.

So today especially I count it all joy for the season of great pain and fear for it was there I came out out of the prison without chains, out of the firery furnace whole. I walked away from the constant bullying of a goliath who stood tall in my face since childhood. Thanks to The Lord's mercy, fear no longer controlled me or shackled me, now Love could truly lead. 

Although my salvation gives me eternal freedom, through my relationship with Christ, I have learned the blessing and reality of earthly freedom. I am learning to live authentically as the person God created me to be, fully embracing Grace as my hope and redemption as the reason, the only power I need for the purpose I was created for, to walk out each day courageously and reflecting the glory of God, so that others will discover their freedom too through the words of my testimony.

I didn't realize I was tethered to defeat deep in the pit of fear. It's just what I knew. My perfectionism and fear of judgement kept me careful and cautious, cornered into a comfort zone I falsely believed I would surely honor God because there, I would not disappoint, because I did not fail, because I did not commit to things I didn't feel I could do. Fear, in the name of humility, became my identity and dictated my choices and impacted my ministry, my marriage and most every area of my life. Choices that made me small.

I excused my shy and unqualified self as reasons to avoid leadership opportunities. I recognized and accepted my place in the Can'ts because it just felt easier and a place I wouldn't disappoint others. But God...the Great I Am who Is and says I Can. Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound...I once was blind but now I see! If you don't see the chains, how will you ever break them? If you don't ever climb out of the pit, how will you see life, Light and love? If you don't choose action and harvest, how will you ever experience growth? We must first allow His truths to speak to us, then we must BELIEVE them!

Jesus is faithful hope. Jesus is stronger than you and therefore will conquer all you cannot. Jesus loves without condition. Christ our Lord forgives, and has already counted the cost of your unbelief and sins and He paid it in full! He loves you!!! How amazing! When we truly grasp this truth and live our life as if it's true, what joy! What freedom!

Oh the blessings of seeing the God's heart over these past 10 years in every area of my life. Joy floods my soul and blows my mind. Fear is not the comfort zone you think it is. It's a cage but good news friend...you can break out of it in Jesus Name! So many Believers suffer in silence with defeating thoughts or behaviors, shamed and embarrassed, so if this is YOU, I am challenging you to: 

-tell someone trustworthy and keep accountability
-pray without ceasing
-fight the war with weapons unseen
-seek intercessors who will fight for you, reminding you Who's you are
-walk through the fire courageously anticipating a beautiful refining when you're out the other side and do not fear
-get stronger not weaker surrounded by likeminded people and walk by faith
-memorize and meditate on His promises
-worship in all you say, do and think. 

Need some practical advice?!? I know this sounds impossible right now, but trust me...serve somewhere. I know you probably don't feel like it, but do it! Get outside of your own square footage. Do an act of kindness. Get out of the house. Go for a walk, invite a friend to join you. Fear and shame isolates us. Break out of that pit and see!

Need even more practical suggestions?!? Drink lots of water, eat a good healthy meal and watch your caffeine intake. Get up and move! Walk, dance, clean, serve! Do not just sit around and sulk. Pray without ceasing and count your blessings!!

 
More? Start a Blessing Journal and write down a minimum of one a day then SAY IT ALOUD. Understand the Love your Father has for you!! Wrap your mind around the the fact He has created you to be His. He sees you right where you are. Nothing escapes Him. Together, we are a city on a hill for the nations! Turn up that worship music and dance! Sing it with purpose and declaration so the enemy cringes and flees. Let him understand he cannot cage you anymore.

Stay strong and rebuke the lies of the enemy. Satan is not for you. He wants to destroy you. God saves!! God is our joy, peace and hope forever! His Grace is all you need and by faith, when you surrender to His care, He will flood you with Peace that surpasses all understanding. Breath in His Grace and be still that anxious soul. He's got you and He won't let you go!!!

May every day be a day we count as joy to be loved by The Great I Am, for His mercies are new every morning and His heart bleeds for ours. Rejoice always. Give thanks. Dwell in His abundance and trust His ways. May this be our battle plan!!! Going to church is not the answer, memorizing Scripture is not the answer, praying loud is not the answer. Jesus is the Answer and resting in Him, worshiping Him and receiving His great love is the fullness of Life! Jesus is not looking for performers. He is seeking hearts.

Greater is He who is in us than he who is in the world. We are more than conquerers! We are His! Nothing can separate us from the love of God! Amen.

Don't give up! Don't quit. Nothing can hinder what God has planned. Will you trust Him enough by faith? Our healing and help begins with Love Himself. Seek Him. If you need more help, reach out to a counselor or pastor and ask for it! It's never too late. Mercies are new every day!

Don't let today's pain keep you from all the tomorrows' blessings!! You are more than a Conquerer and He's making all things new!! Let everything that has breath praise the Lord!! 

Thanking God today, for not allowing me to live another day shackled to fear and insecurity. There are thorns. There are scars. There are more layers to unravel in the process of healing and growth and it's okay. 

I never want to forget what it took to bring me to the feet of the Cross where Christ was all I had. 

To know His breath. 

To hear His voice. 

To experience His touch. 

Oh how wonderful the Prince of Peace. 

I look forward to every day with my Sweet Savior, King, Father, and Friend knowing He provides for the purpose He has called me to even when I am clueless or feel lost. 

Don't be surprised at continued trials and temptations, there will always be "those" days in every season. Until the day of Glory, He is still working in us and the enemy is still lurking. Stand firm in the Father's arms, He's got you!

God knows. God hears. God is near and He loves you! Live fully in this freedom! You are not alone, ever!

Thankful for Love, Grace, Hearts and Hope!! God, You have my heart!!! Thank You for Yours for me!! In You I rest and live, amen.

Shackled Joy

As far back as I can remember, I’ve been intimidated by strong personalities. In this new season of personal reflection and growth, I have come to realize it was the fear of courage and strength, so weird. Something I needed, and wanted... yet feared. I see it in others and wish that could be me, but it wasn't. Why?!? The enemy is very slick and patient.

Physical Fear: I grew up in a school where fist fights during the lunch break were a daily thing, bullies ran the hallways, assaults in our community seemed overwhelming. As a young girl, the fear was real and there seemed to be no escaping it. I knew it was just a matter of time before I might fall victim to the whim of evil. Watching the news was only affirmation that we lived in an unsafe and powerful world and strong people were threats to my personal safety. My soul was cornered by fear, terrified to live but happy to be alive if that even makes sense.
Over the years, I avoided people or environments that involved intense emotions, violence, power, anger, usually alcohol was center stage. Making the wrong move in public, saying something negative to someone, feeling angry myself, being around large groups, being around people who were drinking, hearing people argue, watching wrestling or boxing on tv or in real life triggered me into a flight mode. 

Emotional Fear: Becoming a Mom was the greatest joy and the greatest fear in my life. How was I going to keep my baby safe (physical) and make all the right choices (emotional)?! What if I messed up, what if other Moms saw my “less than” because my kids didn’t have the new trendy clothes, or didn’t like veggies, didn’t have a bday party every year, what if teachers judged me that my kids didn’t have a salad in their daily lunch or a homemade cookie or thought I was uncaring for not making cupcakes for the class on every party day. Fear always says what if you don’t measure up...everyone will know.

People pleasing was a coping mechanism to avoid arguments and conflict. I am a Lead with the Heart personality, yet inside fear was the guiding voice of all my “shouldas” and “havetas.” Decisions were made based on the presumed consequesnces if I didn’t do something rather than seeing the blessings if I did. Keeping peace and felling protection meant I was passive. Often, a doormat. It was just easier, so I felt. I easily followed and never led. Fear created what felt like a sort of safe zone for me. Power triggered fear. Strong personalities were loose canons to me. Loudness was intimidating. Parties and crowds felt like traps not quickly escaped.

Fear keeps us running circles around our own thoughts and controls our behaviors. Fear shrinks us but faith strengthens us. To be sure, I am a Christ Follower, I have faith...I just didn’t know how to have safe courage. Bravery, boldness, and leadership seemed like it was something everyone else had and some thing I just didn't have. The End. So I thought.

Fear has been a clever and quiet controller almost all my life. Perfectionism and people pleasing shaped me and guarded me even though my heart had hidden joy for life inside. The mask of Joy I wore daily seemed real. I had become really good at hiding insecurity and fear. Fear shackled my joy. Any decision that could involve conflict or failure were avoided to certain degrees in every area of my life. I still married, still became a Mom, still served in ministry and leadership but it was all done in shackled joy.

But God...The Lord is not going to sit back and watch His children remain shackled. We’ve been created for a purpose and equipped to accomplish it through Him and His strength, despite our weaknesses and insecurities because He is able, because He is Lord and He created each of us with a purpose in mind. His Grace is more than enough and we can walk in it boldly, confidently and powerfully. 

I used to fear-fear God. After all, He’s very powerful. But in His grace, and in the battle for my joy in the heavenly places I cannot see, He has been fighting for me. The very thing that terrified me, He’s been doing on my behalf, fighting huge battle to protect me, and not harm me. He has shown me that fighting is often necessary and righteous fear, fearing the right things is healthy. I am thankful for the gift of discernment I have always had to sense evil intentions but instead of the awareness crippling me, it now empowers me to be on guard and aware. There is a real battle for our hearts and our minds and we actually do have to fight. We should get angry about injustice and sin, while not sinning. We need fear in its rightful place under our feet. It can motivate us, but it will not lead us.

For us shy and recovering insecure girls, sensing power in ourself is scary at first. Those of you with bold, courageous personalities probably won’t understand any of this and it’s ok but I pray it opens your eyes to give extra grace to those in your life facing their fears, that you may lead by patient example, interceding for the release of the chains that hold them down.

Shackles are breaking and joy is being released! The weight of expectations, is so heavy. As Worship increases, so do Faith and Peace. Faith deepens our trust and when we trust deeper, we have Peace and when we have Peace, we have joy. As I learn to walk courageously against fear, my joy has increased. I recognize on this side of healing that fear is something that can shrink while courage magnifies joy, hope, faith and love. There is no joy in fear. If you feel scared, depleted, anxious, exhausted, cornered, judged, useless...you would be wise to check what you are bound to. A spirit bound to fear will drown but a spirit bound to Christ will soar. 

Friend, the Cross has set you free because of the blood of Jesus. The enemy knows this and is hoping you forget! This is why I blog and am kicking down walls fear built because I know I haven't been alone in this and I have experienced this beautiful freedom and can't help but share it to release the hold of fear for just one other person. I get it. Our minds are powerful things but the enemy seeks to control it and you must saturate yourself in The Word and dwell on the Truths in there. Once you wrap your head around the fact you are a Child of God, you have the victory in battle, you have the power of the Holy God living in you as a Believer...your world will change! The way you see it and the way you live it.

You are gonna have to fight! Yes, it will be awkward at first but it will free you! Fear can stop growing but you have to take charge! You have to step out in Grace and Faith with zeal and trust! You are more than a conqueror friend and there is more to this life than you just getting through it. You do have a purpose. Your paycheck, your title, your social media likes are not affirmation to your value. You are made in the image of God and were created for a life of purpose and hope, life and joy, peace that surpasses all understanding. You can walk through fire. You can do amazing things scared. Just lean into His strength and receive grace to make mistakes knowing you aren't a failure. You are simply figuring it out by faith. 

Ask the Lord to show you the people in your life who are authentically walking by faith and not fear. I would dare to say He has placed people around you with the iron sharpening tools you need but you've been too afraid to approach them and truly embrace relationships with them, because you're too afraid of being hurt or of failing in front of them. Cut off those fears and go to them. Share with them the journey you are on and let them see your heart. Ask them to be praying for you and ask for mentorship or wisdom in areas in your life you want to grow. I could not have done it without mine. 

Take courage and take up your iron. It's time to get up and gird up! Oh how grateful I am to have these iron sharpeners in my life, and some are unaware of their witness of example to me. I see them. They encourage me greatly.

Do not allow the enemy to shackel your joy anymore. Today, choose Joy. Today, stop fearing fear, stop worrying about measuring up to others or with others. Turn back your eyes to the Cross of Victory and look at the Empty Tomb of a risen Lord who dwells with you as you go and has conquered death. You are not alone and life will not ever be perfect and easy. But God. He stands near with outstretched arms to hold you close and show you The Way to joy, peace, and love. Love has set you FREE! Now walk in it!‬‬

Romans 8: "5 For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit. 

6 For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace.

For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, "Abba! Father!" 

16 The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, 

17 and if children, then heirs--heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him.

18 For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.

Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. 

27 And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. 

28 And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.

What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? 

32 He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? 

33 Who shall bring any charge against God's elect? It is God who justifies. 

34 Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died--more than that, who was raised--who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us. 

35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? 

36 As it is written, "For your sake we are being killed all the day long; we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered." 

37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 

38 For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, 

39 nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord." 

There are many verses in The Bible on fear, hope, courage, confidence and joy. Type whatever you are struggling with in the search bar of your Bible App or look in the index in the back of your Bible and start reading and reflecting on Truth! It is the Power to set you FREE!

“To me, though I am the very least of all the saints, this grace was given, to preach to the Gentiles the unsearchable riches of Christ, and to bring to light for everyone what is the plan of the mystery hidden for ages in God, who created all things, so that through the church the manifold wisdom of God might now be made known to the rulers and authorities in the heavenly places. This was according to the eternal purpose that he has realized in Christ Jesus our Lord, in whom we have boldness and access with confidence through our faith in Him.”

‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭3:8-12‬ ‭ESV

When your loved one is suffering. Part Two.

In my previous post, for the sake of not writing a mini-novel, I decided to split this into a 2 Part Series. There are so many things to be said, testified, helps and hurts that can be shared, but this is not my biography, rather, it is meant to be a beginning foundation to help and encouragement to you as you walk through these valleys with your loved one, family, friend or neighbor.
While this is specific to my journey with panic and anxiety attacks, many of these helps and encouragements bring hope to any trial you and your loved ones are facing. 
When we are living life with someone suffering, it can be difficult understanding what they are going through. You probably find yourself asking what in the world you are supposed to be doing, or not doing to support and help them. When you ask them what you can do to help them, all you hear is leave me alone for a few minutes or I don't know. It is frustrating when you don't exactly know what you need and equally frustrating to hear these words when you are looking for a way to help them. It's not as if all they need is a hug and some chocolates. If only it was that simple. I promise you they are just as scared and walking in the unknown too. 
Regardless of the circumstances of the trial or crisis, the answer is love. When we act in love, we facilitate healing. Jesus gave us this example. Love conquors.

"Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things." 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 ESV

The following is a compilation of tidbits of conversations I have had with others. A professional counselor is best suited to counsel you and your loved one with specific therapy and helps. This is simply a few highlights and helps to get started in understanding, compassion and empathy, in the Name of Love.

Is there a difference between panic and anxiety attacks? 

Yes. Both involve physical pain in the chest, the shakes, shortness of breath (imagine a too small ski jacket buckled on you and you trying to take deep breaths but feel constricted), heart pounding and racing (you think it shows through your shirt and can often ache), confusion and mental overwhelmedness and fatigue, a welling up of adrenaline within the body (much a like a woman experiencing a labor contraction that builds in intensity and keeps high for several minutes) which makes you want to flee or find a corner and the sense of lack of control. Panic attacks are more intense and usually have a pain shooting down the left arm mimicking a heart attack. These will send people to the ER thinking they may be having a heart attack, and yes, it feels that scary. 

Why does the person under attack get mentally overwhelmed and need to flee to quiet environments?
Imagine turning on 2 T.V.s  to 2 stations, turning on the radio and a kid is skipping around the room while you try to read a book. It's a lot to take in and you can't focus. That's my best description to either attack. You hear and feel all that chaos and can't hear or process your own thoughts. We flee to escape to where we can breath and think to settle our minds and bodies. Emotions are tricky. They don't always represent truth or reality. We must always seek out and speak truth, in love.

What do you do when someone is having an attack of either sort?
First, pray and take a deep breath yourself. Speak truth: You are going to be okay, breath. I am right here with you, breath. It's going to pass in a few minutes, take a deep breath. Again, much like a woman in labor who feels as if she cannot handle or control the intensity welling up in her body as she braces herself for the next few minutes.
Do not: dismiss them, walk away, look at them like they are crazy or lying, ask them to help you do something labor intense, ignore them, tell them to pray harder or that they don't have enough faith, this is exasperating, defeating and hurtful. One thing I can promise you, whether they are a Believer or not, they are reaching out to God for the first time or thousandth time for rescue, asking Why Lord? and pleading for mercy. 
Now, if they are loosing faith and are discouraged, needing these boosts of faith, encourage them as iron sharpens iron that God is faithful and He is near even if it doesn't feel that way in the moment. Remind them faith strengthens your resolve and restors your hope. Keep them focused on the Lord and their strength because of His sufficient grace. Tell them to pray the Scriptures and breath in grace and exhale the attack. Do not, do not, tell them to pray harder. One either prays, or not. 
Do not: call or text them every 15 minutes to check on them and ask them if they are okay. It's humiliating and a constant reminder, sometimes creating triggers. We know you mean to be caring in checking on us, but it cannot be constant. That makes the person feel insecure and incapable. They are trying their hardest to maintain normal patterns and thinkings, meditating and distracting themselves, so constant pings and questions are obstacles. 
If you feel concerned for their safety, you might ask them if they would like you to help plan time with them or others to take a break out of the house or workplace. Keep them engaged, watch for crisis and critical behaviors and if you truly suspect they are an endangerment to themselves or others, you must confront and ask them to seek professional help or you will have to do it on your own accord for them, to protect them from themselves.  
Do: offer to get them a drink of water, hugs, take deep breaths with them, distract the kids away, relieve them temporarily from whatever task they were doing because as soon as they are calmed down they will want to continue doing what was normal, unless they ask for your help to take over. Keep the environment happy and calm. They cannot handle stress like they did before this attacking season, so take over the kid's tantrums, cleaning up after playtime, laundry or dinner, allowing them to rest after all the work. Go for walks or bike rides together or as a family. Have fun! Don't do things that push them beyond what they can give. Encouragement to go further and pushing to go further are not the same things. Be respectful of their pace and energy. Play worship music quietly in the back ground. Leave encouraging notes and Scriptures around their space to encourage and keep their focus on Christ. Diffuse essential oils like Young Living Joy, Peace & Calming, Lavender.

Why is my loved one loosing so much weight now?
When your body is in torment and pain, it upsets your stomach and intestines. They may be throwing up from the adrenaline spikes, they may start having diarrhea from the stress, and their appetite will be diminished. Help them eat healthy, not push heavy foods or portions. Salads, rice dishes, yogurts, light meats, protein shakes, fruits and smoothies, protein meal replacements are all good places to begin. They may only be able to take 2 bites, but it's okay since an hour later or even a day later, they may devour a whole salad and chicken tender. 
If they seem to be loosing a significant amount of weight, talking with reason to encourage a unified help for healing, visit a nutritionist or doctor. They don't want to feel weak or cause a scene to draw attention to themselves at the table, so be kind and gentle. They want to get better and you may have to help them realize the need at some point for guidance. 

Why can't they just push through it?
In many ways they are, by not freaking out, remaining focused and not wanting to just die. These attacks engage our entire essence. It is Body, Mind, Spirit and Soul. Our healing must address and involve every part of us. I dare you to tell a laboring woman to pipe down, suck it up buttercup, sit still, just zone out the pain. What they can do is pray and breath through it knowing it will pass soon.

I remember being at a New Year's Party with friends and the neighbors started popping off huge fireworks right outside at 8pm. It just startled me and being in a more sensitive state of mind, it triggered me...and I love fireworks and glady sit under them. Immediately my body jumped, I sat as still as I could taking calm breaths, kept playing our card game, sipping on my water and then my stomach began to gurgle and I had to quickly excuse myself to the bathroom. Sorry, but no one wants to have to go #2 in any other toilet than your own, much less have diarrhea and gas cramps that keep you there longer than a normal potty break. I was so embarrassed. I had tried so hard to not allow it to escalate to this point in my body, but I had no control over it, yet I was able to control my mind and spirit and remain calm and trusting that God had me in His care and grace. A few minutes passed and I returned to the group and my sweet husband had already refilled my water cup and grabbed me a blanket that was on the chair. He had told them my stomach had been a little upset lately. So, there was nothing I needed to ask for or share when I sat back down. I enjoyed the remaining hours with our friends. 
Had a given into my fears, I would have never even gone out knowing my sensitivity to all things during that season. Fear of the fear can be such an entrapment. Instead, I chose to hope God would help me, and even though I had a mild attack, God was my help and shield, pouring out grace over my evening. It was a great night of resolve, trust and faith. 
I pray this helps start some conversations with deeper understanding between you and your loved one. 
For me, the attacks didn't just stop cold-turkey. They lessened in degree and intensity and in timing. Days, then weeks, then months separated the attacks. Praise God for perseverance in the faith, to run out the race set before us. I found the more I worshiped and learned to still my soul, and even laugh again, rediscovering the new self, the less waves crushed me and began to lift me.
In closing, if you are the one under attack, consider yourself hugged and understood from someone who understands. You are not alone, there are many who get it. Let your faith and hope be your power as you walk each day with joy and faith, relying on the One who conquered death on the Cross. He is risen and alive, and He is with you in every breath. Let His grace consume your soul and flood your mind. I pray I have been able to describe  well your current anguish so that your loved one has a better sense of what you may be thinking and feeling. Each attack is as different as each person, so I know this can't describe everything for everyone, but hopefully it's a starting place to get the conversation started.
If you are the loved one, living life with someone experiencing these attacks, I pray the things I have shared of my own experience helps you better relate to what they are going through with their whole being. All illness and attacks on our bodies, hearts, soul and minds are frightening. Unknown territory always is. When the attacks continually repeat, it's exhausting and embarrassing, often debilitating. Show love, compassion and empathy. Stay healthy yourself and pray, pray, pray. You are going to carry a greater burden during this season as you hurt for your loved one and help in practical ways to manage daily life. Everyone will be tired and edgy, which is why you both must dig deeply into The Word, hang tight, worship and breath together along the valley floor and have fun together. Live life choosing joy, faith and love to not give Satan a foothold, rooting bitterness and defeat. 
There are many resources out there to help you, so keeping researching and seeking help. Most importantly, dive into Healing Waters and feast daily on Daily Bread! You are loved! God sees you and hears you! His grace is enough! 

"Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:8-10 ESV

YOU are BRAVER and STRONGER than you realize!

When your loved one is suffering. Part One.

Do you have a loved one suffering with panic and anxiety attacks? I am betting that if you do, you are having a hard time understanding what they are going through and don't understand why it won't stop, why they say they think they might die. I know. That was my poor husband as I walked those scary and painful moments in 2008-2009. Honestly, your loved one who is suffering this heartache is asking themselves the same things. They don't get it either. 

As difficult as it has been to share my testimony and experiences with others, my spirit wants to testify to the goodness and sweetness of the Lord. In His grace, I found healing and the truest of love and kindness, and mighty, mighty power. But it took going through those dark days to see such pure Light. God's Word is full of testimonies of God's grace, provision and protection. I found such comfort being back in His Word, alive and active it is!! I felt less alone when I read the perils of Job and Paul and so many others. 

This is exactly why I began blogging and writing: to share and encourage. Yes, it's hard to visit those terrors but the hope to encourage and even save a life overshadows and uplifts me right over that pit of despair onto the wings of an eagle, soaring above defeat, shame and embarrassment. God has crossed my paths over the years with sweet Believers who have fallen into the same pits whom we have been able to share each other's journey, many in the middle of a valley. What a joy to celebrate hope and healing in Jesus Name together.

When I am sitting with the person in anguish, we speak the same language and as much as we get it, we don't get it. I liken it to listening to my teen speak calculus or when my husband it calling sports plays. I just don't understand their lingo. It's the same here. Until you have walked in the same shoes, it's a struggle to get it. 

We are able to feel what the other feels and understand the depths of it all, physically, emotionally and spiritually. But, when I find myself sitting with the loved one, they really don't get it. The look in their eyes was the same bewilderment my husband had with me many years back. He just didn't understand what it felt like to be in my body. 

He couldn't understand when I shut down or quickly fled situations, why I was so exhausted, why I couldn't handle loud noises and big crowds. One of the most painful stings to the heart is the look of weirdness, puzzlement, judgement, nervousness in your loved one's eyes looking back at you in your moment of fear. 

These were the moments "fake it till you make it" were necessary, just to avoid that look. To avoid the pain it pressed like a sword into the depth of me. It slayed me, reminding me of how crazy I was, shame flooding every part of my soul. And if this loved one who had my back looked at my like this and couldn't understand what I was experiencing, how could anyone else, and how much deeper would their look slash my soul? So, we hide, mask and protect. 

Thankfully, the Lord heard my cries and sent me rescue and all the while, I prayed for my husband to have compassion and understanding. He was one of my first subscribers to the blog, learning more about my experience than I was able to verbalize. Also, we had 4 kids running around the house and it wasn't something we just called out and spoke about. I wanted to continue on as normal and stable, conquering and hopeful, calm and collected as a true perfectionist and encourager personality. 

Over time, through healing helps of Christian counseling, natural remedies of essential oils and vitamins, Scripture memory work and meditation, a deep and purposeful prayer life, worshiping without wondering, letting go of perfectionism, accountability of a few trustworthy Sisters in Christ, re-prioritizing my life and schedule, addressing how I was (not) taking care of my body, mind and spirit. All these combined together for the help and healing, overcoming and conquering I experienced against fear. To God be all the power, and glory!

Recently, several loved ones have approached me about my journey, asking for help in dealing with their loved one suffering in anguish. With all my writings focused on the anguished person, I thought I would write to the loved one because I know as many who suffer with panic and anxiety attacks, there are that many more loved ones trying to understand them and help them. 

Lord knows you need the same help, love, hope and encouragement as you deal with the heartache and confusion in dealing with your loved one's current battle. So, in the next blog, I will share with you a few simple helps from my own personal experience in hopes to encourage each person touched by these attacks in compassion and hope.

Meanwhile, meditate and believe on Jeremiah 29:11-13, 

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.

 Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will hear you.

You will seek Me and find Me, when you seek Me with all your heart."

To God be all our glory, help, hope and praise, amen.

Click Here for When your loved one is suffering. Part Two.

He has my heart forever

"I am hard pressed between the two. My desire is to depart and be with Christ, for that is far better. But to remain in the flesh is more necessary on your account.

Convinced of this, I know that I will remain and continue with you all, for your progress and joy in the faith, so that in me you may have ample cause to glory in Christ Jesus, because of my coming to you again." - Philippians 1:23-26

This was the essence of my conversation with the Lord beginning in December 2008. Better is one day with Him than thousands without, and yet, what about the ministry, the people, the lost, the life, the community, my children, He has given to me to show them Him?!? Who will tell them about The Great I Am? Who would encourage them when they lost hope? Where will the Light shine? Who will be His hands and feet? Please Lord, I wish it could be Me! That has always been my desire and my hope for ministry. I have always lived on mission to love God and others with all my heart but that mission was led by love, yet controlled by fear. 
Today is the 8yr mark of the beginning of what would be a season of redefining, refining, and heavy sifting. It was painful and terrifying, and yet divine. Intense for a season but growth for a lifetime! In that season I was madder than I had ever been at God in my life and then more in love with Him than I had ever been in my life. It was a gloriously intense season. It is one of the times I am thankful God doesn't answer exactly what we ask, but chooses to allow what is for our good, that He may receive all the glory.
Satan may be whispering in your ear...give up...you don't matter...no one will miss you if you're not here...God doesn't really love you like He loves others...you won't ever get over "it"...God won't remain patient with you...you'll never be good enough...etc. LIES!! These are lies from the Father of Lies, the great deceiver.
You are loved, cherished, covered, forgiven, necessary and instrumental to the glory of God! He wants you, others need you!! God has planned a purposeful life for you and only He knows how many days that will be for each of us. The sheep do not instruct the Shepherd, nor does the clay teach the Potter. We are wise to live each day fully, without regret, without fear, without worry. We are called to live victoriously! Even in trials, we are being refined and strengthened as we are walking through Fire which doesn't burn.
So today especially I count it joy for the season of great pain and fear for it was there I came out out of the prison without chains, out of the firery furnace unburned. I walked away from the constant bullying of a goliath.
Jesus is faithful. Jesus is stronger than you. Jesus loves without condition. Christ our Lord forgives, and has already counted the cost of your unbelief and sins and He paid it in full! He loves you!!! When we truly grasp this truth and live our life as if it's true, what joy!
Oh the blessings of seeing Christ exalted these past 8years floods my soul and blows my mind. So many Believers suffer in silence, shamed and embarrassed, so I am challenging you to: 
-tell someone
-pray without ceasing
-fight the war with weapons unseen
-seek others who will fight for you
-walk through the fire courageously anticipating a beautiful refining when you're out the other side
-get stronger not weaker
-memorize and meditate on His promises
-worship in all you say, do and think. 
Need some practical advice?!? I know this sounds impossible right now, but trust me...serve somewhere. I know you probably don't feel like it, but do it! Get outside of your own square footage. Do an act of kindness. Get out of the house. Go for a walk, invite a friend to join you. 
Need even more practical suggestions?!? Drink lots of water, eat a good healthy meal and watch your caffeine intake. Do not just sit around and sulk. Pray without ceasing and count your blessings!! 
More? Start a Blessing Journal and write down one a day. Understand the Love your Father has for you!! Wrap your mind around the the fact He has created you to be His. He sees you right where you are. Nothing escapes Him. Together, we are a city on a hill for the nations! Turn up that worship music and dance! Sing it so the enemy cringes and flees. 
Stay strong and rebuke the lies of the enemy. Satan is not for you. He wants to destroy you. God saves!! God is our joy, peace and hope forever! His Grace is all you need and by faith, when you surrender to His care, He will flood you with Peace that surpasses all understanding. Breath in His Grace and be still that anxious soul. He's got you and He won't let you go!!!
May every day be a day we count as joy to be loved by The Great I Am, for His mercies are new every morning and His heart bleeds for ours. Rejoice always. Give thanks. May this be our battle cry!!! Going to church is not the answer, memorizing Scripture is not the answer, praying loud is not the answer. Jesus is the Answer and resting in Him, worshiping Him and receiving His great love is the fullness of Life! Jesus is not looking for performers or begirds, He is seeking hearts.
Greater is He who is in us than he who is in the world. We are more than conquerers! We are His!
Our healing and help begins with Love Himself. Seek Him. If you need more help, reach out to a counselor or pastor and ask for it! It's never too late. Mercies are new every day!
Don't let today's pain keep you from all the tomorrows' blessings!! He's making all things new!! Let everything that has breath praise the Lord!! Thanking God tonight for the grace that soothes our grief and His sovereignty that covers our sorrows.
God knows. God hears. God loves you!
Thankful for Love, Grace, Hearts and Hope!! God, You have my heart!!! Thank You for Yours for me!! In you I rest and live, amen.

Broken Vessels by Hillsong Worship in song here.

Light in the darkness

Sometimes it takes more than a deep breath to ease ourselves in the midst of a panic moment. Those moments when you feel your world tremble, the rug being yanked out beneath you, the stab of betrayal, the punch of loss, pain of illness, the closing in of fear, worry and anxiety, and the unknowns. Mounted ontop of an already scary and evil world we live in. This is still one nation Under God, for the sheer fact He is above us. But we certainly do seem to live or build our country this way. Then again, evil has always been at work and God has always been on the Throne, so some things haven't changed except the date and the route.
I have suffered with anxiety and panic since I was a young girl, terrified of the boogie man and harm coming to me from someone in my community. My parents were involved with Crime Prevention so these were real concerns to a little girl. I heard about all the "stuff" going on in my community and it was frightening. Even in school, I was afraid of being an innocent by-stander getting caught in the midst of evil. These awareness and lack of confidence for a shy and insecure girl often shook my world in tangible ways. My body turned cold, shivering head to toe. 
As I grew older, the fearful attacks grew less and yet I have always lived a life "looking over my shoulder" and always wondering "what if....!" In 2008 when I walked into the darkness of panic and anxiety attacks, my world earthquaked and knocked me off my feet where I fell flat on my face, thankfully right at the feet of Christ my Savior. It was an intense, frightening journey but in the midst of this fire, God refined me. My heart, mind, soul and spirit we reshaped. He showed me how to have Light in the midst of darkness. Of course, being a Google-Everything kind of person, I had immediately begun researching "panic attacks" to learn what to do to stop them. There are so many books and techniques, I studied day and night looking for answers. I made a list that quickly ran dry as I crossed off what didn't work for me. 
Well meaning friends would simply say Just pray or Give it to God, only it wasn't and isn't that simple. There had never been a time I cried and believed as desperately as I was in those moments. This is why I blog my journey. Unless you've been through it, others can't fully understand what it is like or what it takes to get through it breath by breath and moment by moment. This is true of any situation of loss, illness, pain any of us face. Our solution is the same no matter what ails us. Our solution is our Savior!
So, how do you conquer feeling overwhelmed, scared, panicked, worrisome, constantly fearing the next attack, wondering what you had done wrong, wondering what you were missing in your walk with the Lord, wondering why God had allowed this, wondering why it wasn't stopping after every desperate pleaing prayer. How do you comprehend another day living like this. 
It was here in this darkness I learned the Light of Grace, the Light of Hope, the Light of Praise, the Light of Love. All these years I begged and prayed, cried and feared. Finally, Light. "Your Word is lamp to my feet and a light to my path. Psalm 119:105" Our only hope is God. Our only rescue is the Blood of Christ. Our only strength is the Holy Spirit within the Believer, leading us towards the Prince of Peace, the Great I Am, our Redeemer, our King. 
If you or a loved one are suffering attacks of any kind in your life and you feel closed in by darkness, may I have the privilege to share with you a few the practical things I did that allowed Light in.... 
~Know you are greatly and dearly loved by God, even if you don't feel loved, you must accept the truth that you are by The God of this universe. Love conquers.
Read Romans 8.
~Saturate yourself in The Word and meditate on Truth, opposing all lies of the evil one. I admit that my first GoTo was Google, not God. It was Tips vs Transformation. I wanted transformation. 
Read Psalm 119.
~Write out Scriptures to keep with you in your pocket or purse. I made laminated Scripture cards for my keychain so I had quick access and could hold them in my hand when I prayed in those moments pulling out the Big Study Bible wasn't practical.
Read Deuteronomy 6.  
~Breath deep. Inhale Grace as you exhale fear, worry, pain, insecurity. You can feel it leaving you, especially when you are allowing it to be a Grace Breath. It will settle your body physically, emotionally and spiritually. 
Read 2 Corinthians 12. 
~Seek Intercessors to pray with and for you. While we are all instructed to pray, God has placed a special call on some Believers to be Prayer Warriors. These people stand tall, strong and firm against the realm we often forget about. They are girded up and ready to fight. Humble yourself and ask them to fight for you. Ask them to lay hands on you and pray over you. Ask them to remember you in prayer. Meanwhile, pray for them to remain faithful and strong as they fight on your behalf. They are putting themselves in the line of direct fire so they certainly need your cover too. 
~Praise everywhere, at all times. Peace is ushered in by praise. Rest in worship. Let it be part of your new nature to seek Him first, above the worry, through the stabbing pain. Inahle Grace and praise Him for never leaving you or forsaking you and loving you like no one else possibly can. Count your blessings and receive the peace that surpasses all understanding. I have always been a glass half full kind of girl, but to worship from a desperate and hoping and trusting heart is beyond mere pleasantries. 
Read Philippians 4.
~Seek help from Christian counselors. Sometimes we need more than we can give ourselves. Do what you need to do to be led by someone who knows your struggle. You are not alone in your struggle.
Thank you for letting me share my journey with you. I pray these words of mine encourage you to seek The real Words that heal and transform, to the Light of Grace and Love that saves you. Stay strong!!!! 

"Greater is He who is in you than he who is in the world." 1 John 4:4

Honduras, 2009