Shackled Joy

As far back as I can remember, I’ve been intimidated by strong personalities. In this new season of personal reflection and growth, I have come to realize it was the fear of courage and strength, so weird. Something I needed, and wanted... yet feared. I see it in others and wish that could be me, but it wasn't. Why?!? The enemy is very slick and patient.

Physical Fear: I grew up in a school where fist fights during the lunch break were a daily thing, bullies ran the hallways, assaults in our community seemed overwhelming. As a young girl, the fear was real and there seemed to be no escaping it. I knew it was just a matter of time before I might fall victim to the whim of evil. Watching the news was only affirmation that we lived in an unsafe and powerful world and strong people were threats to my personal safety. My soul was cornered by fear, terrified to live but happy to be alive if that even makes sense.
Over the years, I avoided people or environments that involved intense emotions, violence, power, anger, usually alcohol was center stage. Making the wrong move in public, saying something negative to someone, feeling angry myself, being around large groups, being around people who were drinking, hearing people argue, watching wrestling or boxing on tv or in real life triggered me into a flight mode. 

Emotional Fear: Becoming a Mom was the greatest joy and the greatest fear in my life. How was I going to keep my baby safe (physical) and make all the right choices (emotional)?! What if I messed up, what if other Moms saw my “less than” because my kids didn’t have the new trendy clothes, or didn’t like veggies, didn’t have a bday party every year, what if teachers judged me that my kids didn’t have a salad in their daily lunch or a homemade cookie or thought I was uncaring for not making cupcakes for the class on every party day. Fear always says what if you don’t measure up...everyone will know.

People pleasing was a coping mechanism to avoid arguments and conflict. I am a Lead with the Heart personality, yet inside fear was the guiding voice of all my “shouldas” and “havetas.” Decisions were made based on the presumed consequesnces if I didn’t do something rather than seeing the blessings if I did. Keeping peace and felling protection meant I was passive. Often, a doormat. It was just easier, so I felt. I easily followed and never led. Fear created what felt like a sort of safe zone for me. Power triggered fear. Strong personalities were loose canons to me. Loudness was intimidating. Parties and crowds felt like traps not quickly escaped.

Fear keeps us running circles around our own thoughts and controls our behaviors. Fear shrinks us but faith strengthens us. To be sure, I am a Christ Follower, I have faith...I just didn’t know how to have safe courage. Bravery, boldness, and leadership seemed like it was something everyone else had and some thing I just didn't have. The End. So I thought.

Fear has been a clever and quiet controller almost all my life. Perfectionism and people pleasing shaped me and guarded me even though my heart had hidden joy for life inside. The mask of Joy I wore daily seemed real. I had become really good at hiding insecurity and fear. Fear shackled my joy. Any decision that could involve conflict or failure were avoided to certain degrees in every area of my life. I still married, still became a Mom, still served in ministry and leadership but it was all done in shackled joy.

But God...The Lord is not going to sit back and watch His children remain shackled. We’ve been created for a purpose and equipped to accomplish it through Him and His strength, despite our weaknesses and insecurities because He is able, because He is Lord and He created each of us with a purpose in mind. His Grace is more than enough and we can walk in it boldly, confidently and powerfully. 

I used to fear-fear God. After all, He’s very powerful. But in His grace, and in the battle for my joy in the heavenly places I cannot see, He has been fighting for me. The very thing that terrified me, He’s been doing on my behalf, fighting huge battle to protect me, and not harm me. He has shown me that fighting is often necessary and righteous fear, fearing the right things is healthy. I am thankful for the gift of discernment I have always had to sense evil intentions but instead of the awareness crippling me, it now empowers me to be on guard and aware. There is a real battle for our hearts and our minds and we actually do have to fight. We should get angry about injustice and sin, while not sinning. We need fear in its rightful place under our feet. It can motivate us, but it will not lead us.

For us shy and recovering insecure girls, sensing power in ourself is scary at first. Those of you with bold, courageous personalities probably won’t understand any of this and it’s ok but I pray it opens your eyes to give extra grace to those in your life facing their fears, that you may lead by patient example, interceding for the release of the chains that hold them down.

Shackles are breaking and joy is being released! The weight of expectations, is so heavy. As Worship increases, so do Faith and Peace. Faith deepens our trust and when we trust deeper, we have Peace and when we have Peace, we have joy. As I learn to walk courageously against fear, my joy has increased. I recognize on this side of healing that fear is something that can shrink while courage magnifies joy, hope, faith and love. There is no joy in fear. If you feel scared, depleted, anxious, exhausted, cornered, judged, useless...you would be wise to check what you are bound to. A spirit bound to fear will drown but a spirit bound to Christ will soar. 

Friend, the Cross has set you free because of the blood of Jesus. The enemy knows this and is hoping you forget! This is why I blog and am kicking down walls fear built because I know I haven't been alone in this and I have experienced this beautiful freedom and can't help but share it to release the hold of fear for just one other person. I get it. Our minds are powerful things but the enemy seeks to control it and you must saturate yourself in The Word and dwell on the Truths in there. Once you wrap your head around the fact you are a Child of God, you have the victory in battle, you have the power of the Holy God living in you as a Believer...your world will change! The way you see it and the way you live it.

You are gonna have to fight! Yes, it will be awkward at first but it will free you! Fear can stop growing but you have to take charge! You have to step out in Grace and Faith with zeal and trust! You are more than a conqueror friend and there is more to this life than you just getting through it. You do have a purpose. Your paycheck, your title, your social media likes are not affirmation to your value. You are made in the image of God and were created for a life of purpose and hope, life and joy, peace that surpasses all understanding. You can walk through fire. You can do amazing things scared. Just lean into His strength and receive grace to make mistakes knowing you aren't a failure. You are simply figuring it out by faith. 

Ask the Lord to show you the people in your life who are authentically walking by faith and not fear. I would dare to say He has placed people around you with the iron sharpening tools you need but you've been too afraid to approach them and truly embrace relationships with them, because you're too afraid of being hurt or of failing in front of them. Cut off those fears and go to them. Share with them the journey you are on and let them see your heart. Ask them to be praying for you and ask for mentorship or wisdom in areas in your life you want to grow. I could not have done it without mine. 

Take courage and take up your iron. It's time to get up and gird up! Oh how grateful I am to have these iron sharpeners in my life, and some are unaware of their witness of example to me. I see them. They encourage me greatly.

Do not allow the enemy to shackel your joy anymore. Today, choose Joy. Today, stop fearing fear, stop worrying about measuring up to others or with others. Turn back your eyes to the Cross of Victory and look at the Empty Tomb of a risen Lord who dwells with you as you go and has conquered death. You are not alone and life will not ever be perfect and easy. But God. He stands near with outstretched arms to hold you close and show you The Way to joy, peace, and love. Love has set you FREE! Now walk in it!‬‬

Romans 8: "5 For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit. 

6 For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace.

For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, "Abba! Father!" 

16 The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, 

17 and if children, then heirs--heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him.

18 For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.

Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. 

27 And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. 

28 And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.

What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? 

32 He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? 

33 Who shall bring any charge against God's elect? It is God who justifies. 

34 Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died--more than that, who was raised--who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us. 

35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? 

36 As it is written, "For your sake we are being killed all the day long; we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered." 

37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 

38 For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, 

39 nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord." 

There are many verses in The Bible on fear, hope, courage, confidence and joy. Type whatever you are struggling with in the search bar of your Bible App or look in the index in the back of your Bible and start reading and reflecting on Truth! It is the Power to set you FREE!

“To me, though I am the very least of all the saints, this grace was given, to preach to the Gentiles the unsearchable riches of Christ, and to bring to light for everyone what is the plan of the mystery hidden for ages in God, who created all things, so that through the church the manifold wisdom of God might now be made known to the rulers and authorities in the heavenly places. This was according to the eternal purpose that he has realized in Christ Jesus our Lord, in whom we have boldness and access with confidence through our faith in Him.”

‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭3:8-12‬ ‭ESV

Tiny yet Mighty

He was this small little bird sitting on the top of the fence, feathers ruffling in the wind as if someone had a hairdryer trying to fluff his do. His little body wobbling, but never falling off. It was a gusty day at the park as the Lord directed my attention to this sweet little tweety bird. His tiny yet mighty feet managing his much bigger body against the wind so closely winning the fight to knock him off the fence and yet never winning a round. He was a strong little guy, turning his body different directions facing the winds. I couldn't take my eyes off of him as the spirit began to move inside me.
He called into my spirit, "Why isn't he falling off? How can his tiny feet keep him steady and strong?" The answer, because God created him for this. God knew exactly the right portion of size and weight of his body because it was His creative and masterpiece crafting hands that made this little guy who he was. He designed the density and direction of his feathers to handle winds and resist getting his feathers in a ruffle. He was able to withstand gusts of strong winds because God equipped him for it. He had been made for winds that would carry him places he was created to go, migrating where the seasons took him with the ability to stand firm against them when needed.
So it is with us. Like this little bird, we too have been equipped to handle the gusts of life. Our bodies may be frail, but it is our mighty masterful, Creator God who stands strong within us to help us stay up on our feet and not be overcome, knocked so easily off our fence. We need not depend on instinct for we have been given the gift of the Holy Spirit who dwells within us, directing our paths. Trusting His strength in our weakness, we boast in the conquering ability to stand against what comes against us. When winds pick up, He shows us which direction we need to turn so our feathers don't get in a ruffle, and we loose our balance. And yet, we all have those blindside, gusting winds so often allowing fear to turn our bodies sideways, ruffling our feathers and causing ourselves to loose balance. It is in that moment we must choose to turn towards Him and hold on strong, or find ourselves in the dirt. We will never fail if we turn into His direction. 
Eventhough you cannot control the winds and storms that come your way today, know that yes, you can withstand them because our Mighty God has made you strong in Him and has equipped you to handle it. Won't you trust the One Who controls the winds. Trust there is a reason and a provision you cannot see and hold on forward facing. Just like this little birdie, sometimes He will even allow the gusts to scoot you along the fence line, and sometimes it will feel consuming against your flesh, but remember Who holds you and makes your spirit stronger. Listen to His leading. Watch which way the winds turn and be ready to move with them. Hold on tight. He will never give you more than you can handle. You may be tiny, but the Lord is Mighty!! Stay strong and keep holding on!! The Sonshine and Still Waters are coming soon beneath the rainbow above. You were fearfully and wonderfully created to stand firm in your faith! Do it!

"We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; 

So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. 

For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal." 

2 Corinthians 4:8-9, 17-18 ESV

Life is hard but God is good

They were familiar voices, “Who do you think you are? You’re not good enough. You’re no one.” “You are too shy, and have no real talents or giftings.” “You will be an embarrassment to God and your family when you mess up.” “You’ll never have real friends once they see your quirks.” “So many others do it better than you.” "No one likes you." "Life is too hard, just quit, it's easier to stop living." "No one will miss you." Sound familiar? Oh the lies!!
 But then just as any court case, my Defender stands and rebukes the accuser, “You are My child and that qualifies you enough.Your relationship with Me is witness to My unending grace and unconditional love. I have allowed you to suffer for a while so you would seek Me, and find Me, that you could be made stronger, proving Myself faithful to you and to you strength you didn't know you had.You do not need to know everything about everything. In your pain, you find My strength. I have tomorrow already planned. Share your heart, love as I have loved you and trust Me as I equip you with all you need and who you need. I know the desires of your heart and I am with you. You are My child and I love you just as you are. I will always provide for you. You are Mine and My Grace is enough for every today and each tomorrow. I am with you always and have been where you are going.You are never alone." 

There was a time I didn't hear those redeeming and life-giving words. Over the past decade, I have learned to heed the voice of God, and it's only come through knowing Him better, being in His Word and fellowshipping with Him. Sheep know their Shepherd's voice. 

God is for us even when it feels like the world is against us. Scriptures tell us the evil one seeks to kill and destroy us. Sadly, we often don’t make it hard for him. Satan is clever in twisting truths, causing chaos, creating hectic schedules and heavy hearts. There is nothing he won't do to distract us from faith, hope and love. When we begin to feel the darkness around us, this is a call to war. Ephesians 6 teaches us how to be prepared for battle when our thoughts turn to despair. We are most vulnerable to attacks when we take our focus off of Christ and filter everything through our own likes and abilities. 
It's easy to get caught up in "self." What we don't have or can't have physically, emotionally or spiritually. Negative thoughts and lack of contentment will suffocate our souls. Quickly, we fall into despair and are robbed of peace, joy and hope. Real weakness feels overwhelming to a heart depleted. I remember this in my own life, December 2008. Brought to the end of myself, pride nearly killing me, a heart for Jesus but left unguarded and a mind easily distracted, there laid the crossroads of life and death. 
How crucial it is then to be connected well into a Body of Believers where you can confide and receive encouragement and renewal of hope and focus. The Lord wisely tells us to not forsake the gathering together foreknowing we would have troubles and in order to accomplish the greater purposes for each of us in this life, we would need each other. Life is more meaningful when we are invested in each other and focused on pleasing the Lord above all else, not settling for anything less than what is God's best. Pride is the carrier for perfectionism, fear, insecurity, confusion, and worthlessness which can be our means of death. But if we humble ourselves and seek help, we will be lifted in spirit and interceded for, renewing our hope...if we allow it. Not everyone in my church knew the season of trial, but a few did, because I was desperate enough to expose myself to them, trusting the Lord would take care of me through them. Women who were devoted to Him and dearest to my heart. They advocated for me and fought hard in the war on my behalf. They lifted my weary arms so my hands could still praise Him. Quitting does seem easier when you are desperate for a fresh breath and a new beginning, but it is here at the end of self, mercy has it's full effect as it breaths life into us every new morning when we surrender ourselves to rest in His care. At these crossroads, we have a choice towards life or death. Who's voice will we listen to, and act upon? Who do we trust to care for us? Who has our best interest in mind? Who has sacrificed for us on our behalf? Where does our hope come from?
Depleted and weary souls don't have an age or skin color. The enemy is not picky. Who are the silent few around you suffering in silence thinking quitting life is an easier option? Is it you? Friend, we cannot allow emotions to dictate our purpose or plans. We must live life in the truth of who God says we are and for the purposes He has prepared us for. We were fearfully and wonderfully made, known and loved before our hearts had a beat. Our eyes must be set on the Hope of Christ Jesus, trusting even though He guarantees in this life we will have troubles, yet in Him, we are overcomers. We can boast in our weakness because in Him we are made strong. We must believe whole-heartedly and with confidence believe we have been created for a purpose beyond what our eyes can see. Today we have faith, hope and love because Love has won the war over the sting of death.
When we choose to believe instead of doubt, we prove God trustworthy as we walk through trials with joy as our strength, hoping for glory revealed. We are not victims. We are more than conquerers in Jesus. We are made powerful in Him. Like Paul, we can boast in our weaknesses, for His grace is sufficient for us despite the evidence of thorns embedded within our flesh. Like Job, we can loose much and be surrounded by naysayers, questioning our existence and yet still believe that Christ is our only Hope and King. Like Noah, there will be the few that stick close by you to accomplish what God has planned while others reject and scoff at you. 

Friend, pay attention to the smallest of whispers and discern if they are the voice of a Scoundrel or a Savior. Then, allow Truth to wash over you and strengthen you for today.
Your life is precious even if you don't feel it. You have a purpose even when you don't see it. You matter to people you think don't approve of you. Your identity doesn't lie in the hands of others, or your own self...you were created by God, for good. Seek those in your life you trust will fight for you. Seek the local church, or a professional if you find darkness swallowing you whole. Don't let pride be the death of you.
Life is hard. Oh, how we need our Savior. You may be reading this and not have accepted Christ as your Savior. While I can't make that choice for you, sure wish I could. I would beg of you to listen because He is calling out for you to hear Him, to accept the Love Gift He has for you. You are not nothing. You are special! You are cared for! You are necessary to Him! No one can offer the peace and joy of Jesus, except Jesus. He can't lead you if you haven't chosen to follow Him first. Our hope is in Him. Our peace, is Him. Our comfort and strength is in Him.

If you are a Believer, Praise the Name of Jesus out loud, for He is able to do exceedingly more than we can ever think or imagine and Satan needs to be reminded of this truth and so do those around you! His grace has enough space for you! His message is in you and ready to be shared and there is a world needing to know this Hope. We have been commanded to share the Good News with future generations, to go and make disciples. Hear His call, and go! You’ve got this 'cuz He’s got you! 
Life is hard but God is good. Your Defender is standing guard over you, trust Him and don't give up. He will be your strength. When darkness sets in, use your Light, tighten your armor ready to fight, standing guard over the truth. The enemy will exhaust you so you must keep strong in The Word, day and night. Keep feasting on the Scriptures. There is a season for everything under the sun, so endure with grace and faith. You are not alone in this. 
Let us not forsake the gathering together and let us love God and love others well. Pray! Lift your requests to Him and pray for one another, stirring one another up! Love is the path that leads us to Life. Let Love reign. His heart is for you.

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 

You will seek Me and find Me when you seek Me with all your heart." Jeremiah 29:11-13

If you or a loved one are contemplating suicide or are feeling overwhelmed by despair, please reach out to someone, anyone. Here is a hotline you can call of people who know what you are feeling and understand: 1-800-273-8255.

You are not alone!!! YOU ARE LOVED!!!! Be strong and courageous!!! God is for you when all others are against you. At the crossroads, CHOOSE LIFE!!!!

He has my heart forever

"I am hard pressed between the two. My desire is to depart and be with Christ, for that is far better. But to remain in the flesh is more necessary on your account.

Convinced of this, I know that I will remain and continue with you all, for your progress and joy in the faith, so that in me you may have ample cause to glory in Christ Jesus, because of my coming to you again." - Philippians 1:23-26

This was the essence of my conversation with the Lord beginning in December 2008. Better is one day with Him than thousands without, and yet, what about the ministry, the people, the lost, the life, the community, my children, He has given to me to show them Him?!? Who will tell them about The Great I Am? Who would encourage them when they lost hope? Where will the Light shine? Who will be His hands and feet? Please Lord, I wish it could be Me! That has always been my desire and my hope for ministry. I have always lived on mission to love God and others with all my heart but that mission was led by love, yet controlled by fear. 
Today is the 8yr mark of the beginning of what would be a season of redefining, refining, and heavy sifting. It was painful and terrifying, and yet divine. Intense for a season but growth for a lifetime! In that season I was madder than I had ever been at God in my life and then more in love with Him than I had ever been in my life. It was a gloriously intense season. It is one of the times I am thankful God doesn't answer exactly what we ask, but chooses to allow what is for our good, that He may receive all the glory.
Satan may be whispering in your ear...give up...you don't matter...no one will miss you if you're not here...God doesn't really love you like He loves others...you won't ever get over "it"...God won't remain patient with you...you'll never be good enough...etc. LIES!! These are lies from the Father of Lies, the great deceiver.
You are loved, cherished, covered, forgiven, necessary and instrumental to the glory of God! He wants you, others need you!! God has planned a purposeful life for you and only He knows how many days that will be for each of us. The sheep do not instruct the Shepherd, nor does the clay teach the Potter. We are wise to live each day fully, without regret, without fear, without worry. We are called to live victoriously! Even in trials, we are being refined and strengthened as we are walking through Fire which doesn't burn.
So today especially I count it joy for the season of great pain and fear for it was there I came out out of the prison without chains, out of the firery furnace unburned. I walked away from the constant bullying of a goliath.
Jesus is faithful. Jesus is stronger than you. Jesus loves without condition. Christ our Lord forgives, and has already counted the cost of your unbelief and sins and He paid it in full! He loves you!!! When we truly grasp this truth and live our life as if it's true, what joy!
Oh the blessings of seeing Christ exalted these past 8years floods my soul and blows my mind. So many Believers suffer in silence, shamed and embarrassed, so I am challenging you to: 
-tell someone
-pray without ceasing
-fight the war with weapons unseen
-seek others who will fight for you
-walk through the fire courageously anticipating a beautiful refining when you're out the other side
-get stronger not weaker
-memorize and meditate on His promises
-worship in all you say, do and think. 
Need some practical advice?!? I know this sounds impossible right now, but trust me...serve somewhere. I know you probably don't feel like it, but do it! Get outside of your own square footage. Do an act of kindness. Get out of the house. Go for a walk, invite a friend to join you. 
Need even more practical suggestions?!? Drink lots of water, eat a good healthy meal and watch your caffeine intake. Do not just sit around and sulk. Pray without ceasing and count your blessings!! 
More? Start a Blessing Journal and write down one a day. Understand the Love your Father has for you!! Wrap your mind around the the fact He has created you to be His. He sees you right where you are. Nothing escapes Him. Together, we are a city on a hill for the nations! Turn up that worship music and dance! Sing it so the enemy cringes and flees. 
Stay strong and rebuke the lies of the enemy. Satan is not for you. He wants to destroy you. God saves!! God is our joy, peace and hope forever! His Grace is all you need and by faith, when you surrender to His care, He will flood you with Peace that surpasses all understanding. Breath in His Grace and be still that anxious soul. He's got you and He won't let you go!!!
May every day be a day we count as joy to be loved by The Great I Am, for His mercies are new every morning and His heart bleeds for ours. Rejoice always. Give thanks. May this be our battle cry!!! Going to church is not the answer, memorizing Scripture is not the answer, praying loud is not the answer. Jesus is the Answer and resting in Him, worshiping Him and receiving His great love is the fullness of Life! Jesus is not looking for performers or begirds, He is seeking hearts.
Greater is He who is in us than he who is in the world. We are more than conquerers! We are His!
Our healing and help begins with Love Himself. Seek Him. If you need more help, reach out to a counselor or pastor and ask for it! It's never too late. Mercies are new every day!
Don't let today's pain keep you from all the tomorrows' blessings!! He's making all things new!! Let everything that has breath praise the Lord!! Thanking God tonight for the grace that soothes our grief and His sovereignty that covers our sorrows.
God knows. God hears. God loves you!
Thankful for Love, Grace, Hearts and Hope!! God, You have my heart!!! Thank You for Yours for me!! In you I rest and live, amen.

Broken Vessels by Hillsong Worship in song here.

Blessings and Burdens

"So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal." 
2 Corinthinas 4:16-18

Welcome back. I sit here almost comically laughing at the fact I am still dealing with my pitiful body (and attitude, if I must be honest.) Never would I have guessed a puddle of water could reek such havoc in my life. My neck and knees continue to bother me four months in. When my knee went out, the rest of my body carried the burden. What a blessing that it could or I would not have been able to walk and gotten things done. Just as I mentioned in the previous blog, how humbling and convicting to remember that my choices, other peoples choices, impact those around you.

Even though this has been the most physically challenging season for me, don't ya know God has plans in it for my good! I am reminded of 2 things: 1.) We need each other and cannot live this life self-reliant; 2.) What we do impacts those around us, for good or bad. We are all connected in the Body and when one part hurts, we all feel the impact.

Not able to bear weight on the injured knee, my right knee took on the extra weight with every impact. Getting out of a chair (or off the toilet as a matter of fact) was one of the hardest things (and remains a challenge), trying to stand up basically one legged. Getting off the floor? Forget it! Friends and family around me have helped me in practical ways more in the past several months that the last years combined. I am a Do-er by nature so this has been a hard pill to swallow. 

Sadly, after almost 4 weeks of going the extra miles, that burden carrying knee gave out. It has carried the extra weight as long as it could. It was injured nearly to the point of my original "soccer knee." I sit here with a neck burdened, hips aching and now two knees full of fluid...and a heart frustrated, exhausted and a soul searching for the purpose in all this mess. My poor husband and kids, while it has been a good opportunity for me to take a step back and let them Do a little more, they miss the part of me that engages with them as we Do together. How much longer Lord?! We ALL want to know.
While there are many layers to this season of rest, pressing onward, letting go, trusting, waiting, sharing, believing and pure exhaustion, they can be summed up within these two lessons:
1. ) We need each other and are not meant to be self-reliant. Our choices in life affect those around us, for the better or the worst. The Lord tells us there will be trials and seasons of hardship and we expect those. Even in the toughest of times, God has a plan and purpose and He calls us to share the burdens with each other as we cast them also on Him. For those of us who are Servers in the Kingdom, these are really tough seasons as we face limitations to what we can do. God knows this and as someone who has been a Server for many years, I have come to recognize seasons in my life God reverses the flow of out pouring and I become the receiver, inevitably giving others an opportunity to serve me, or on my behalf. It is not easy or comfortable. Every time I am in this place, I learn better how to appreciate it as I count down to the day it's over with. Here in the receiving times, I am refreshed and humbled. I appreciate the hearts of those stepping up to help carry the temporary burden. 

"So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, 

complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. 

Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others." 

Philippians 2:1-4

2.) What we do impacts those around us, for good or bad. We are all connected in the Body and when one sheds tears either of joy or sorrow, we share the tears. The Scriptures of full of instructions to guard the tongue, love one another, share burdens, give, pray, believe, confess, repent, feed, hope, sacrifice, bless, encourage and rest. 
I never thought my hurt knees would impact my family as it has. My mind and body are physically drained which drains the brain, interrupts routines and hinders opportunities. Staying at an exhausted level makes for little or labored process from all the normal things in life. I have to have help getting most things done. Nothing happens quickly anymore. Some things don't even happen. I miss the little things like cuddling with my little ones in my comfy chair on the patio as they wiggle around laughing or sharing about their day. I miss being able to chase them around the house to tickle them down when they need a good soul boost! I miss a lot of things while other things just have to be done differently.
Days my pain levels are increased, my focus, energy, joy, mercy, grace and compassion decrease. Does anyone else get this way? My pain becomes everyone's pain even though I do my best to "suck it up buttercup." We live together, so we impact one another whether it's intentional or not. As an Encourager, it makes me sad to not be able to serve like I love to serve. On the good days the joy flows, energy soars and laundry gets done! Praise God for those days!!
Thankfully God has granted my family grace to carry the extra burden and as time goes by, healing washes over my body as waves lap the shoreline. I am honored and blessed they help me like they do, not to say there haven't been eye-rolling and a few huffs at times. We just don't realize the impact our stuff has on those around us. This is true with all our choices, sinful or every day stuff, our blessings and our burdens. We impact and influence our environment and those in it.
In Burdens:
Something so simple as the one who took the last square of toilet paper and didn't replace it, or left the milk out all day, or forgot to turn off the hose or bring in the wet towel from the car, ask them. It mattered.
For the one addicted to drugs or alcohol and doesn't think their spouse is impacted, ask them. It does. 
For the husband who says his pornography doesn't impact his wife or family, ask them. It does.
For the one who is lazy and assumes others will pick up the slack and not think twice about it, ask them. It does.
For the one who demands their way as the way it has to be, ask them. It does.
For the one who abuses their authority, ask them. It does.
For the one who yells and curses, ask them. It does.
For the one burdened with guilt, shame, fear, insecurity, ask them. It does.
For the one caring for a physically or mentally challenged family member, ask them. It does.
For the one suffering physical attacks on their body, ask them. It does.
For the one persecuted for their faith, ask them. It does.
The burden we bear and the burden we cause, affect those around us even when we don't think it does. 
In Blessings:
For the one who bless their spouse with loving care, consideration and help, ask them. It does.
For the kids who's parent help them, pray for them, ask them. It does.
For the friend receiving our prayers, encouragement and support, ask them. It does.
For the ones we honor and salute their sacrifice, ask them. It does.
For the hurting friend who we simply hug or share a cup of coffee, ask them. It matters.
For the one hungry and we feed them, ask them. It does.
For the hopeless one to realize they have Hope in a Savior, ask them. It does.
For the ones in authority to honor the law and Lord, ask them. It does.
For the one who realized they once were lost, but now have been found, ask them. It does.
For the one afflicted in the flesh, but consoled by The Healer, ask them. It does.
For the ones we shared our testimony with, and have restored faith, ask them. It mattered.
The blessings we give and the ones we receive, carry an eternal weight of glory we cannot imagine this side of Heaven.
Our lives are an intricate balance of burdens carried and burdens lifted as we strive to both give and receive in this world, working together for a common good in humility, honor, submitting ourselves to the cause of Christ over our agenda and purpose. There is a season for everything and our response to those seasons are crucial to the Kingdom of Grace. 
Your life has an eternal weight, today. Today, we are healing, growing, breaking down while building up. Wherever God has you, may Love be our motive, help, healing, focus, redemption, strength, hope and cause.
For the one caught up in sin, yes, it is hurting you and yes, it is hurting those around you. Ask them. It does. But praise God Almighty, His blood is thick and fresh enough to cover all your sins and cast them far off, to mend your broken places and restore you to the plans and purpose He has created you for.
For you bearing the burden of another, bless your heart for the love you are showing in Jesus' Name. May He continue to grant you compassion and empathy for them. He is faithful to sustain you in your care for them. Be careful though, you do not bear more than you ought and get in the way of what God may be doing in their life. Us Encouragers and Peace Makers have a tendency to enable. You will end up hurting yourself in the process and healing will take longer for the both of you, extending the burden further to others.
For the one with the thorn in your flesh, remember for everything there is a season and God's grace will be enough to sustain you during this down time. Be willing to allow others to minister to you or on your behalf as hard as that might be. Check your pride and stubbornness at the back gate and come rest. Honestly, if you're thinking the world won't be able to function without your help, well, God was big enough to build it, He can manage it in your absence.  

"So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. 

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 

2 Corinthians 12:8-10 

A Fortress of Faith

"The name of the LORD is a strong tower; the righteous man runs into it and is safe." 

Proverbs 18:10 (ESV)

Fort Jefferson was built in the 1800's, 70 miles outside of Key West, Florida. It stands today as a monument of beautiful design and towering strength. Click here for a link to read more about this historical marker. This is a place you most definitely want to take your camera. Between the masonry and the illuminating waters surrounding it, there isn't a square inch down there you won't get a good shot.

Our Texas friends who are National Park stamp collectors joined us for this day trip out there during their recent visit to see us here in The Keys. We bought the tickets, loaded up the cameras and off we went. Our 5am departure time came early just as we expected it would and even though our new little Starbucks said it would be open at 5:30am, the empty parking lot and dark interior revealed otherwise. An hour later we arrived at McD's for our first cup of java, happy juice, anti-grumpy coffee or morning juice...whatever you want to call it! 

At 7am we boarded the 100' ferry and headed out to this famous fort in The Beautiful Dry Tortugas. Slowly the fort came into view on the horizon after our 2 hour ride out. It wasn't as large as I had imagined but it was beautiful, and oh those turquoise waters. So lovely!
As we approached the fort, the broken pieces of the walls became more evident the closer we got. It has bravely stood the test of time. Our guide warned us to be careful not to lean against or out of any of the windows otherwise, we may become fish filets. It was a strong structure overall and a grand sight to take in from the gravel path up on the top wall to the waters below...and yet we needed to be careful of our steps, putting pressure on the walls and avoiding holes that eroding had dug. This strong tower has held it's own for a loooong time. While it seemed to be wasting away, it held together strong, hosting thousands of people walking it's echoing hallways, climbing it's spiral stairs and strolling along the upper hilltop. How is is still standing after all this time?!? Sure, there are places that have been bound up and strengthened with iron or new bricks, but the massive structure was strong. 
Taking it all in, I began to feel the character of this fort. It was just like me. While my outer is wasting away, I stand strong on the inside, held together by The Glue of Jesus, my Cornerstone.
I am a strong tower in Jesus name, held together by grace. I have been pressed, but not crushed. I have been struck down, yet not destroyed, even though it felt like I would be. We are forts of faith! There are broken pieces, rough edges, missing parts, gaps, all the while being kept in perfect peace and power. In our weakness, He is our strength.
What a wonderful view of the Body of Christ too. When one part is weak, it is the surrounding ones around securing it, embracing it, and keeping it as one, in Jesus Name. We uphold each other as we stand on our Sure Foundation. I have no doubt if one of these walls were standing alone, it would have crumbled under the weight of time and circumstantial pressure. But because it is bound together as one...it holds the strength of the whole. Be encouraged friend. Just because you may feel defeated, doesn't mean you are! We cannot judge what we see, rather trust what we know! Faith holds us together. Faith makes mountains move!

Together, we are stronger! Therefore, do not loose heart! We are a Fortress of Faith who is able to stand the test of time and circumstantial pressures that press in. We may need healing and help, but we will not be destroyed! Our Cornerstone stands Forever! AMEN!!

We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed...Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. 

2 Corinthians 4: 8-9, 16-18

Overwhelmed by Grace in the middle of my piles!

Socks, shirts, towels, oh my!!! These self-multiplying piles of laundry will keep me on my toes. We are a family of 6 (the oldest is off to college) and if I didn't know it for a fact, it would be my prediction these enormous piles must represent a dozen people! Between the gym clothes, pool suits and towels and regular clothes, the 5 of us can pile it on! 
Last week, I was out of town for 3 days at the YOU Lead & Living Proof Live Conference with Beth Moore and Travis Cottrell, which was wonderful by the way. In preparation for me being gone, I prepared some meals for the hubs to easily serve up and made sure all laundry was clean. All this work 1.) because I am the one who does all the meal and laundry in the home and 2.) honestly, I didn't want to be bombarded all weekend with questions: Where's the Pam spray? Do we have cinnamon rolls? Where's my other purple sock? Have you seen my cargo shorts? How do I make....?
All went according to planned! Hubs and kids had all they needed and texts were only I Love Yous and Miss Yous. I should however have thought a few more days ahead in my planning because I was exhausted physically and emotionally. This girl needs more than 5 hours of sleep and it needs to be solid sleep for me to function well the next day and that was not the case this weekend. Thank The Lord for His strength and endurance to stay alert and engaged despite my sleepiness. Saturday nights return home is a blur to me. All I remember was getting into my comfy pjs and plopping down on the couch with the kiddos cuddled up like a pile of puppies. Completely filled and completely drained in every way! 
The following day was a full day of church and baseball (which happened to be back up on the mainland 2 hours north) and Monday was my bday, so no cleaning or house duties happened this day either! Tuesday was errand day to replenish the pantry and asses the upcoming house duties, baseball schedules and homework assignments. Tons of laundry needed to be done by now. With a house full of this many people using several outfits a day, it adds up! Even though the oldest does his own laundry, I will chip in depending on his schedule with school and work and this was a week he needed my extra help, so I did one load for him. 
It was overwhelming. Standing in the middle of my house taking a 360 degree inventory of all that needs to be done in order to be caught up, will be the very reason I leave the house and go for a walk or work on a random project. So that my mind can stop freaking out and feeling overwhelmed. Calmly and ready to hit it head on, I make my list and get to it, doing all I can without drowning under it all. It's just what happens when you don't stay ontop of it all or plan accordingly. When laundry stays continually rotating through, food is planned for, time for rest is alloted, schedules are managed, when chores are distributed and shared, life at home is less overwhelming.
As I sat there buried under the pile of stinky little clothes, grass stained uniforms and damp towels, hungry with no clue what remnants were left to prepare for my family, gazing upon the floors needing to be swept and mirrors needing to be wiped and toilets...well, let's just say they became first priority...my heart was grateful for grace. Oh the grace of God to look upon my mess surrounding me and accept me into His arms. How wonderful to not have to "clean up or catch up" in order to immediately fellowship with Him. Sitting there on my dirty floors, amongst dirty clothes and a pitiful attitude, He sat down with me.
Friend, you do not need to clean yourself up in order to invite Him in. He is unaffected with what surrounds you. Nothing will prevent Him from answering your cry for help or fellowship.  Such a mighty God, His sweet fellowship will restore to you a joy to get "it" done whatever that may be in your life today. He is a God of Rescue and a God of Refuge and Strength. Though you may be weak and overwhelmed, Grace will be your strength to accomplish what needs to be done.
So, if it has been a long time since you have been in church, prayed, had a quiet time with Him, confessed sin, fellowshiped in His name with other Believers, read your Bible, I encourage you and remind you to call upon Him now! There is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus! Romans 8! Shame, embarrassment and condemnation are from the enemy who seeks to kill and destroy! John 10:10. Right where you are, amongst the piles of all things dirty, He is with you even so, to help you clean! Psalm 51:10-12. Call out to Him and He is faithful to answer!! What wonderful news! Bless the Giver of Grace! My we find ourselves overwhelmed by Grace and not by this world.

Father God, bless us in our mess and redeem us out of the weights that pull us under. Thank You for the grace you extend so abundantly for Your children. May You find us faithful to answer the calls You place in our days just as You are faithful to us. Thank You for Your Kingship and Your Friendship with us. You truly are our Refuge and Strength. Holy Spirit draw us away from temptations of this world and bring us into the shelter of Your wings that we may fellowship and worship instead of freaking out and worrying. There is no greater Name than Yours Alighty, The Great I Am, Pit Redeemer and Strength Saver, Compassionate Christ the Lord. We thank You for the Gift of Grace amongst all this stinky stuff of earth. May we be a sweet aroma to You in all we think, say and do. We worship you from the Sanctuary and the Laundry Room, in Your Sweet Gracious Name, amen.

Power inside Two Little Words

Most High. This two simple words, Most High, almost escaped me of their power and meaning. I am so glad God didn't allow that. After writing them close to a hundred times in my journal, I was becoming numb to them..."Here they are again...(writing)...Most....H-i-g-h. While I love studying, I tend to avoid things that feel "repeated" if that makes sense. 

In my heart, I am looking for a fresh word from God so to write something over and over again causes me to want to brush it off and yet, we know that God uses repetition to get our attention and make a point. He was faithful to teach me this truth once again.

Over the past year, I have been studying the Psalms for the names of God. Each time I came across a description of Who He was, I'd write it down and note the verse. What a beautiful page to read at the end of my study time. 

God

LORD

Maker

Almighty

God of Jacob

my Refuge

my Portion

God of heaven

Lord of lords

God of gods

Mighty One

The Lord is God

God of my salvation

Holy One

God my King

Father of the fatherless

Protector of widows

God...Most...High

Most...High 

Because I was committed to write down every "name" as I came across it, even the ones I had already written a hundred times, after a long while I thought to myself, "Okay...already wrote that one enough times, let's just keep going." 

Maybe it was my stubbornness, maybe it was my perfectionism or maybe it was good ol conviction and correction from God Most High Himself. While I didn't want to write it down, I couldn't not write it down. It didn't make sense to me why I needed to write the same one sooooo many times, until now. I get it. God clearly wanted me to know Who was Most High. So, I looked up the definitions. 

According to Webster's Dictionary:

most: greatest in amount or degree; to the greatest extent; extremely; very

high: far above ground, sea level, or another point of reference; extending above the normal or average level; great, or greater than normal, in quantity, size or intensity; morally or culturally superior 

Wow. The God I seek to know is the God, Most-High. He is far above my point of reference, greater in quantity and intensity than all else, and He is superior. He is extremely God. He is superior to the greatest extent! This is my God! He is above all! 

May we remember Who we are seeking after and Who we call LORD our God. He is High above our circumstances. He is Higher than the battle we are fighting. He is Most capable. God, is Most High. 

Two simple words to describe the Greatest Power and Authority over all the heavens and the earth. No one and no thing is above Him. He's the Highest. He's the Most.

God, thank You for pressing these words into my spirit. When I feel strong, I praise You for giving me the Most power to conquer what comes against me. When I feel weak, I praise You for rescuing me from the pit and taking me Higher. Forgive me for the times I minimize Your Greatness, You are God Most High, my Salvation, my Refuge and my Strength. God, You are Higher than any other. I trust You to protect and provide for me all that I need. Who else is as great as You! I praise Your name and am thankful for Your intense Love. I know You Love me More. Help me love You back the same. Help Your children remember to never become numb to You. Forgive us for making You too familiar, common, or small, bringing You down to our human point of reference, for You are to the greatest extent, Most High. Amen. 

"Clap your hands, all peoples! Shout to God with loud songs of joy!

For the LORD, the Most High, is to be feared, a great king over all the earth. 

He subdued peoples under us, and nations under our feet. 

He chose our heritage for us, the pride of Jacob whom he loves. 

God has gone up with a shout, the LORD with the sound of a trumpet. 

Sing praises to God, sing praises! Sing praises to our King, sing praises! 

For God is the King of all the earth; sing praises with a psalm! 

God reigns over the nations; God sits on his holy throne. 

The princes of the peoples gather as the people of the God of Abraham. For the shields of the earth belong to God; he is highly exalted!" Psalm 47

A Discombobulated Heart

"I will bless the LORD at all times; his praise shall continually be in my mouth." Psalm 34:1 (ESV) That's not always easy is it?!? When our hearts hurt so much we can't feel it's pulse anymore. When our minds almost feel so numb we have no thoughts. When our soul is so burdened and heavy, we feel weightless. I have found this to be true during the seasons that are the darkest for whatever reason it might be. An overwhelmed soul. A burdened heart and an unsure mind.

I recently experienced such a heart draining season. It wasn't a loss of any one thing, but an accumulation of many things that saddened my soul. My marriage is good. My kids are all healthy. I have amazing friends. As far as I know, my health is okay (despite the continual fight of fatigue), yes, "though my outward body is failing, my inner is renewing day by day," believe me, I know! And for goodness sakes, I live in Paradise. So really, how could I possibly be downcast?!? Believe me, I wondered the same thing day after day. But there's that cloud, that blahness of nothingness. Anyone else feel that way in some seasons?

It is possible to feel such a weight of sadness, eating is something that has to be forced, getting out of bed is a struggle much less housekeeping or having to work, getting out of the house seems like a daunting task, and the thought of going to lunch with a friend isn't even an option. Then there is church. We go because it's what we do week after week. We wouldn't dare draw attention to ourselves by not showing up, and we don't want to lie and say "we didn't feel good" even though it is absolutely true in our heart, so we go, putting on the best possible smile, and cute, but comfy outfit we have.

We hug quickly, avoid eye contact and get to our seats as fast as we can. Music plays and yet it passes right through us. We feel nothing. The Pastor prays and preaches, and we hear mumbled sentences in our numb minds. Nothing is sticking. Nothing is penetrating through the wounded walls of our souls. Until...the name of Jesus, The Word, is spoken. Our spirit leaps within us a hope of help! Please speak to me! Rescue me from this pit! Can you hear me out there?!? You can feel the stirring within you but you have no strength, but then you sense it....He sees your hurt. His hand catches your tears while the other grabs hold of your heart's hand. And....He weeps with you. Oh what relief to collapse and be lifted! What joy of relief! 

The Great Physician has come to heal this discombobulated heart! The Mighty Counselor, The Great I Am, hears my cries! The numbness subsides and you feel breath again. Finally, our heart is hugged. Finally, the joy of the Lord, is our strength once again. It is well with our soul! What amazing grace! We can face tomorrow with hope and joy!!

I don't know what you are facing in your life personally, directly or indirectly, but I pray these words comfort you knowing you are not alone. Even the most positive people, the strongest of us, fall downcast on our knees and can't get up right away. Ecclesiastes describes the variant of seasons we all walk through in our lifetime. How wonderful a God we serve to send not only His Comforter in our time of need, but He sends friends who meet us in these little hidden crawl spaces of life and shine His Light into the dark little corner where we sit.

Maybe you're not the one in a time of sadness, then I plea with you to be a Light to someone who is. You won't know it it until you seek them out. They certainly won't be drawing attention to themselves if they are Giver. Encouragers don't like to be seen, un-encouraging. Yes, I know, Takes one to know one.

You will see it in their eyes if you just look for 3 seconds. Most likely your Spirit inside you is pulling to hug the spirit inside of them! Do not pressure them into sharing, it's the very thing they can't simply do nor do they want to fall apart right there in front of you. But, be the hug from God. Let them know you are there when they are ready to share, or fellowship again. Send them scriptures of hope and encouragement to keep their eyes fixed on Jesus. Lift them up in prayer and fight the battle against despair with them and for them. Speak loving truth, help them stay pure and upright. Be that LightHouse, a source of Light in to their darkness. And if you want to be a super great friend, a little chocolate goes a long way!! LOL!!!

Friend, He sees you when you are hiding from everyone else. Satan wants you to isolate and self-destruct, but you must fight back in Jesus Name! God hears your words when none can be spoken. He notices the tears drenching your soul. When you can't muster the strength to fellowship with others, He is with you. When you feel empty and numb, remember the filler of your soul and simply cry out, "Jesus...." He hears you. He is near. I pray your joy comes in the morning and you feel your heart beating again. Grieve when and where you need to grieve but also rejoice and count your blessings. Worship The Great I Am, dance with Him, sit with Him, smile with Him. His heart is for you. Today, be where faith is. Trust His friendship. Rest in His Kingship.

May the Words of Psalm 34 (ESV) encourage you today as a declaration of your heart, soul and mind! Bless your heart eternally and now! Hugs&Hope, Michele

"I will bless the LORD at all times; his praise shall continually be in my mouth." 

My soul makes its boast in the LORD; let the humble hear and be glad.

 Oh, magnify the LORD with me, and let us exalt his name together!

 I sought the LORD, and he answered me and delivered me from all my fears. 

Those who look to him are radiant, and their faces shall never be ashamed.

 This poor man cried, and the LORD heard him and saved him out of all his troubles. 

The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear him, and delivers them. 

Oh, taste and see that the LORD is good! Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him! 

Oh, fear the LORD, you his saints, for those who fear him have no lack!

 The young lions suffer want and hunger; but those who seek the LORD lack no good thing. 

Come, O children, listen to me; I will teach you the fear of the LORD. 

What man is there who desires life and loves many days, that he may see good? 

Keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking deceit. 

Turn away from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it. 

The eyes of the LORD are toward the righteous and his ears toward their cry.

 The face of the LORD is against those who do evil, to cut off the memory of them from the earth. 

When the righteous cry for help, the LORD hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. 

The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. 

Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the LORD delivers him out of them all. 

He keeps all his bones; not one of them is broken.

 Affliction will slay the wicked, and those who hate the righteous will be condemned. 

The LORD redeems the life of his servants; none of those who take refuge in him will be condemned."

AMEN!!!!!