The No More Fear Flight Plan

I had the opportunity to share some of my testimony recently, so I thought I'd share it here too. I hadn't really thought about this particular week from my healing journey in a long time. It was one of many lessons God had for me during this season. I share it now with you (as is true of this blog as a whole) in hopes that someone out here in cyber world would be encouraged to see that if they find themself just living life, they will call upon Love to restore in them the joy of their salvation! (Psalm 51:12)

There came a day in the Winter of 2008 after an onset of panic attacks that came out of no where. Without going through the whole story, know this: I declared I would never fly again even though I had many miles under my belt. It was through lots and lots of prayers, healing and work of grace that brought me to the day I took that declaration back. I was not going to let Satan take this from me. We planned a flight. I knew I had to fly to do ministry. With family only a 45 minute flight away, we decided to take this quick flight in hopes I didn't die or jump out of the plane. Yes, my husband accompanied me! I could not have done it alone. This would be my No More Fear Flight. We planned to stay long enough to have lunch with some family and return home hours later. 

Anxiety had depleted me and the thought of flying again was my new Goliath. I wanted a heart like David, brave and courageous. I knew the enemy wanted to keep me chained to the ground, but I knew there would be ministry callings one day and flying would be the only way to do it. I finally determined to break free from this bondage, fight the good fight, to stand on the promises of my Savior, to love living free and break the chains fear had captured me with. I was ready to rise up and fight! 

The week to take this Fear No More flight had arrived. I had planned all week to study, memorize scriptures, exercise daily, cut out all caffeines and sugars, and be completely prepared for the flight. My check list was organized and plentiful of all I had to do to make sure the flight was a success. Hear all that "I" was going to accomplish?! Apparently He didn't see my plan as The Plan. I certainly didn't see His plan in that moment.

The very first morning of "the plan," I woke up with a fever (which I never get sick) and could barely function. I tried hard to study but my mind was so foggy and I had no mental energy...on the week I needed it the most. I was being overcome by the anxiety I was set to defeat. I needed and planned and prepared for NO anxiety. That was supposed to be The Plan! Apparently HE had other plans.

For the next 3 days, it was the same thing...I was stuck in bed, miserable and more anxious. How was I going to have a successful flight? How was I not going to have a full out panic attack on the plane and potentially have a heart attack? I had planned hard for this week and it was not going according to the plan!! Finally, the day before the flight I woke up without any symptoms. Yah, weird, but so goes spiritual warfare...it's weird and not always so obvious I might add.

The next morning came and I jumped straight up out of bed fever free, knowing that I had MUCH to do to catch up on The Plan to take down Goliath...sooo much studying to make up for and prayers to pray, salads to eat and vitamins to take. Time to play catch-up. How was I going to do this?!? 

Then, I heard in my spirit, "Lay back down." Very funny Satan....haha, there was NO WAY I was going to lay back down, are you kidding me?! I had so much to do!! 

I started to get out of bed a second time. And the voice repeated, "Lay back down." Ummmm, don't think so. But I couldn't shake that maybe, just maybe it was the Holy Spirit. I prayed asking for discernemnt if this was Satan tempting me to hinder me or was this really God? It only made sense that it was Satan not wanting me to get out of bed. I needed to do my things, work the plan and I needed to get up and meet with God asap. I sat there for a moment to listen...I stopped fighting the possibility it could be The Lord, but why...my spirit confirmed it was God even though it made no sense at all. I laid back down....and I prayed....waiting for something...I didn't know what I was waiting for. At first, I was a little huffy....It was as if I was tapping my spiritual foot on the floor anxiously anticipating an explanation of why I was here and not over there getting stuff done. There may have even been an eye roll as I yanked the covers back over my chest. I had no clue and honestly, I felt frustrated wasting my time laying there, waiting.

So, I finally just asked God, "Why am I supposed to do now? Why am I here when I need to be getting myself ready for tomorrow?" What do you want to say? After a short Holy pause, He spoke..."I won't drop you." 

It was and still remains one of the most profound moments of my life. It was more than assurance of a panic free, non-crashing, non-freaking out flight, but as a whole, God is with me, He is near, He is not going to fail me. He won't drop me. This was His Plan. He was my Way. He was My Refuge and Strength, He was my Answer. He was my sanity. He was my Calm.

I actually laid there in a Holy Hush and realized that I had been relying on myself, and not on God. I was numb to hope because I had lost it. I was so controlling because I thought my success was all up to me and my efforts and ability to break the chains and push through. I had placed my hope and success in the fruits of my own efforts.

Later that afternoon I met with my Mentor and didn't share immediately with her about this encounter that morning. I was still processing it honestly. Letting go of control is not easily done for someone who plans out of fear of failure. She had a song she wanted me to listen to, Your Grace is Enough. Grace, God's Amazing Grace!! She made me stand up with arms to my side and she placed her hands on my shoulders, then my back, then stood square infront of me and spoke the Scriptures over me, "You need not fight, for He fights for you. He will never leave you or forsake you. He restores your soul and goes before you. You are a conqueror." It was actually the first time someone had actually prayed over me, specifically me.

It was His grace I had become numb to. I was numb to His unconditional Love. I had planned enough to not need grace. There I sat, with no plans. All I had was Grace. This moment of surrendered works transformed my heart to surrendering to a Savior's instead of self. She reminded me of the Grace of God that is dependable, trustworthy and sufficient. (2 Corinthians 12:9) Could I depend on Grace to carry me wherever I needed to go? Well, that was The real Plan!!!!

I was still nervous, and felt vulnerable to failure, but my hope was ignited, my anxious mind was calmed. I felt cared for and valued for the first time in a long time. Was God really that forgiving? Would He really show up for me even though I was so sassy to Him that morning?

Yes He sure did. He is a trustworthy God of mercy and compassion. No panic, no crash, no bondage! Grace took down Goliath, not me, lest I boast...I am weak, but He is strong.
This began a new journey for me of trust, grace and pure love. I walked through each day feeling less and less numb. My heart was filled with hope knowing God has plans I can't see yet but I trust Him and by grace, He will take care of me. My joy grew one breath at a time. True Love began filling my soul again. Love became my purpose and defined my value.
Love lifted me. Love carried me. Love helped me live!! I love living life with Love!!!!! Now, I live my days on purpose. 

What about you? What has you living numb? Oh how I pray this is touching your soul to movement. The enemy wants you grounded. But God, He wants you Lifted! Not every day is a rainbow-bright kind of day, but every day, if we choose, is a day of grace and love. To give it and receive it. Feeling numb to life is a place Satan would love for you to stay but Christ has come to set the captives free! Fight back against this and live fully. Some days and seasons will be hard but we only need to trust Grace. On this earth, we will have troubles but on this Earth, we are not separated from Power enough to break chains and kill Goliaths as young David did. He lives in us. We are not alone and unnecessary. We have been created for a purpose only we can fulfill. 

I pray that if you can relate and you feel numb to life, that you will be encouraged knowing that you are not alone, God is near and He will supply for you out of His riches (Ephesians 3) all that you need because His grace us sufficient for you!!! 

We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; 2 Corinthians 4:8

Do not let Satan steal your joy! It might be time for you to simply lay back down and trust. Trust He is with you. Trust He won't drop you. Or, for you, He might be saying Get your booty outa bed and move towards Me! It's time!! No matter where you find yourself fretting, felling numb and or overwhelmed, fix your eyes on the Lord, and seek first, His Kingdom Plan!!!!! 

(Matthew 6:33) My soul is lifted up and the grace of God grants me hope, faith and love that guards my mind and my heart from becoming numb to life and love. I pray this will be true for you too!! Bless your heart and soul in Jesus' Holy Hushing Name!!!!!!
His Grace is sufficient! Hugs and Hope!

May this be our prayer, Psalm 25 .....

"In you, LORD my God, I put my trust. 

I trust in you; do not let me be put to shame, nor let my enemies triumph over me. 

No one who hopes in you will ever be put to shame, but shame will come on those who are treacherous without cause. 

Show me your ways, LORD, teach me your paths. 

Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long. 

Remember, LORD, your great mercy and love, for they are from of old. 

Do not remember the sins of my youth and my rebellious ways; according to your love remember me, for you, LORD, are good. 

Good and upright is the LORD; therefore he instructs sinners in his ways. 

He guides the humble in what is right and teaches them his way. 

All the ways of the LORD are loving and faithful toward those who keep the demands of his covenant. 

For the sake of your name, LORD, forgive my iniquity, though it is great. 

Who, then, are those who fear the LORD? He will instruct them in the ways they should choose. 

They will spend their days in prosperity, and their descendants will inherit the land. 

The LORD confides in those who fear him; he makes his covenant known to them. 

My eyes are ever on the LORD, for only he will release my feet from the snare. 

Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted. 

Relieve the troubles of my heart and free me from my anguish. 

Look on my affliction and my distress and take away all my sins. 

See how numerous are my enemies and how fiercely they hate me! 

Guard my life and rescue me; do not let me be put to shame, for I take refuge in you. 

May integrity and uprightness protect me, because my hope, LORD, is in you. 

Deliver Israel, O God, from all their troubles!" 

AMEN!!!

Goliath Flight 2009