Light in the darkness

Sometimes it takes more than a deep breath to ease ourselves in the midst of a panic moment. Those moments when you feel your world tremble, the rug being yanked out beneath you, the stab of betrayal, the punch of loss, pain of illness, the closing in of fear, worry and anxiety, and the unknowns. Mounted ontop of an already scary and evil world we live in. This is still one nation Under God, for the sheer fact He is above us. But we certainly do seem to live or build our country this way. Then again, evil has always been at work and God has always been on the Throne, so some things haven't changed except the date and the route.
I have suffered with anxiety and panic since I was a young girl, terrified of the boogie man and harm coming to me from someone in my community. My parents were involved with Crime Prevention so these were real concerns to a little girl. I heard about all the "stuff" going on in my community and it was frightening. Even in school, I was afraid of being an innocent by-stander getting caught in the midst of evil. These awareness and lack of confidence for a shy and insecure girl often shook my world in tangible ways. My body turned cold, shivering head to toe. 
As I grew older, the fearful attacks grew less and yet I have always lived a life "looking over my shoulder" and always wondering "what if....!" In 2008 when I walked into the darkness of panic and anxiety attacks, my world earthquaked and knocked me off my feet where I fell flat on my face, thankfully right at the feet of Christ my Savior. It was an intense, frightening journey but in the midst of this fire, God refined me. My heart, mind, soul and spirit we reshaped. He showed me how to have Light in the midst of darkness. Of course, being a Google-Everything kind of person, I had immediately begun researching "panic attacks" to learn what to do to stop them. There are so many books and techniques, I studied day and night looking for answers. I made a list that quickly ran dry as I crossed off what didn't work for me. 
Well meaning friends would simply say Just pray or Give it to God, only it wasn't and isn't that simple. There had never been a time I cried and believed as desperately as I was in those moments. This is why I blog my journey. Unless you've been through it, others can't fully understand what it is like or what it takes to get through it breath by breath and moment by moment. This is true of any situation of loss, illness, pain any of us face. Our solution is the same no matter what ails us. Our solution is our Savior!
So, how do you conquer feeling overwhelmed, scared, panicked, worrisome, constantly fearing the next attack, wondering what you had done wrong, wondering what you were missing in your walk with the Lord, wondering why God had allowed this, wondering why it wasn't stopping after every desperate pleaing prayer. How do you comprehend another day living like this. 
It was here in this darkness I learned the Light of Grace, the Light of Hope, the Light of Praise, the Light of Love. All these years I begged and prayed, cried and feared. Finally, Light. "Your Word is lamp to my feet and a light to my path. Psalm 119:105" Our only hope is God. Our only rescue is the Blood of Christ. Our only strength is the Holy Spirit within the Believer, leading us towards the Prince of Peace, the Great I Am, our Redeemer, our King. 
If you or a loved one are suffering attacks of any kind in your life and you feel closed in by darkness, may I have the privilege to share with you a few the practical things I did that allowed Light in.... 
~Know you are greatly and dearly loved by God, even if you don't feel loved, you must accept the truth that you are by The God of this universe. Love conquers.
Read Romans 8.
~Saturate yourself in The Word and meditate on Truth, opposing all lies of the evil one. I admit that my first GoTo was Google, not God. It was Tips vs Transformation. I wanted transformation. 
Read Psalm 119.
~Write out Scriptures to keep with you in your pocket or purse. I made laminated Scripture cards for my keychain so I had quick access and could hold them in my hand when I prayed in those moments pulling out the Big Study Bible wasn't practical.
Read Deuteronomy 6.  
~Breath deep. Inhale Grace as you exhale fear, worry, pain, insecurity. You can feel it leaving you, especially when you are allowing it to be a Grace Breath. It will settle your body physically, emotionally and spiritually. 
Read 2 Corinthians 12. 
~Seek Intercessors to pray with and for you. While we are all instructed to pray, God has placed a special call on some Believers to be Prayer Warriors. These people stand tall, strong and firm against the realm we often forget about. They are girded up and ready to fight. Humble yourself and ask them to fight for you. Ask them to lay hands on you and pray over you. Ask them to remember you in prayer. Meanwhile, pray for them to remain faithful and strong as they fight on your behalf. They are putting themselves in the line of direct fire so they certainly need your cover too. 
~Praise everywhere, at all times. Peace is ushered in by praise. Rest in worship. Let it be part of your new nature to seek Him first, above the worry, through the stabbing pain. Inahle Grace and praise Him for never leaving you or forsaking you and loving you like no one else possibly can. Count your blessings and receive the peace that surpasses all understanding. I have always been a glass half full kind of girl, but to worship from a desperate and hoping and trusting heart is beyond mere pleasantries. 
Read Philippians 4.
~Seek help from Christian counselors. Sometimes we need more than we can give ourselves. Do what you need to do to be led by someone who knows your struggle. You are not alone in your struggle.
Thank you for letting me share my journey with you. I pray these words of mine encourage you to seek The real Words that heal and transform, to the Light of Grace and Love that saves you. Stay strong!!!! 

"Greater is He who is in you than he who is in the world." 1 John 4:4

Honduras, 2009

A Discombobulated Heart

"I will bless the LORD at all times; his praise shall continually be in my mouth." Psalm 34:1 (ESV) That's not always easy is it?!? When our hearts hurt so much we can't feel it's pulse anymore. When our minds almost feel so numb we have no thoughts. When our soul is so burdened and heavy, we feel weightless. I have found this to be true during the seasons that are the darkest for whatever reason it might be. An overwhelmed soul. A burdened heart and an unsure mind.

I recently experienced such a heart draining season. It wasn't a loss of any one thing, but an accumulation of many things that saddened my soul. My marriage is good. My kids are all healthy. I have amazing friends. As far as I know, my health is okay (despite the continual fight of fatigue), yes, "though my outward body is failing, my inner is renewing day by day," believe me, I know! And for goodness sakes, I live in Paradise. So really, how could I possibly be downcast?!? Believe me, I wondered the same thing day after day. But there's that cloud, that blahness of nothingness. Anyone else feel that way in some seasons?

It is possible to feel such a weight of sadness, eating is something that has to be forced, getting out of bed is a struggle much less housekeeping or having to work, getting out of the house seems like a daunting task, and the thought of going to lunch with a friend isn't even an option. Then there is church. We go because it's what we do week after week. We wouldn't dare draw attention to ourselves by not showing up, and we don't want to lie and say "we didn't feel good" even though it is absolutely true in our heart, so we go, putting on the best possible smile, and cute, but comfy outfit we have.

We hug quickly, avoid eye contact and get to our seats as fast as we can. Music plays and yet it passes right through us. We feel nothing. The Pastor prays and preaches, and we hear mumbled sentences in our numb minds. Nothing is sticking. Nothing is penetrating through the wounded walls of our souls. Until...the name of Jesus, The Word, is spoken. Our spirit leaps within us a hope of help! Please speak to me! Rescue me from this pit! Can you hear me out there?!? You can feel the stirring within you but you have no strength, but then you sense it....He sees your hurt. His hand catches your tears while the other grabs hold of your heart's hand. And....He weeps with you. Oh what relief to collapse and be lifted! What joy of relief! 

The Great Physician has come to heal this discombobulated heart! The Mighty Counselor, The Great I Am, hears my cries! The numbness subsides and you feel breath again. Finally, our heart is hugged. Finally, the joy of the Lord, is our strength once again. It is well with our soul! What amazing grace! We can face tomorrow with hope and joy!!

I don't know what you are facing in your life personally, directly or indirectly, but I pray these words comfort you knowing you are not alone. Even the most positive people, the strongest of us, fall downcast on our knees and can't get up right away. Ecclesiastes describes the variant of seasons we all walk through in our lifetime. How wonderful a God we serve to send not only His Comforter in our time of need, but He sends friends who meet us in these little hidden crawl spaces of life and shine His Light into the dark little corner where we sit.

Maybe you're not the one in a time of sadness, then I plea with you to be a Light to someone who is. You won't know it it until you seek them out. They certainly won't be drawing attention to themselves if they are Giver. Encouragers don't like to be seen, un-encouraging. Yes, I know, Takes one to know one.

You will see it in their eyes if you just look for 3 seconds. Most likely your Spirit inside you is pulling to hug the spirit inside of them! Do not pressure them into sharing, it's the very thing they can't simply do nor do they want to fall apart right there in front of you. But, be the hug from God. Let them know you are there when they are ready to share, or fellowship again. Send them scriptures of hope and encouragement to keep their eyes fixed on Jesus. Lift them up in prayer and fight the battle against despair with them and for them. Speak loving truth, help them stay pure and upright. Be that LightHouse, a source of Light in to their darkness. And if you want to be a super great friend, a little chocolate goes a long way!! LOL!!!

Friend, He sees you when you are hiding from everyone else. Satan wants you to isolate and self-destruct, but you must fight back in Jesus Name! God hears your words when none can be spoken. He notices the tears drenching your soul. When you can't muster the strength to fellowship with others, He is with you. When you feel empty and numb, remember the filler of your soul and simply cry out, "Jesus...." He hears you. He is near. I pray your joy comes in the morning and you feel your heart beating again. Grieve when and where you need to grieve but also rejoice and count your blessings. Worship The Great I Am, dance with Him, sit with Him, smile with Him. His heart is for you. Today, be where faith is. Trust His friendship. Rest in His Kingship.

May the Words of Psalm 34 (ESV) encourage you today as a declaration of your heart, soul and mind! Bless your heart eternally and now! Hugs&Hope, Michele

"I will bless the LORD at all times; his praise shall continually be in my mouth." 

My soul makes its boast in the LORD; let the humble hear and be glad.

 Oh, magnify the LORD with me, and let us exalt his name together!

 I sought the LORD, and he answered me and delivered me from all my fears. 

Those who look to him are radiant, and their faces shall never be ashamed.

 This poor man cried, and the LORD heard him and saved him out of all his troubles. 

The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear him, and delivers them. 

Oh, taste and see that the LORD is good! Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him! 

Oh, fear the LORD, you his saints, for those who fear him have no lack!

 The young lions suffer want and hunger; but those who seek the LORD lack no good thing. 

Come, O children, listen to me; I will teach you the fear of the LORD. 

What man is there who desires life and loves many days, that he may see good? 

Keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking deceit. 

Turn away from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it. 

The eyes of the LORD are toward the righteous and his ears toward their cry.

 The face of the LORD is against those who do evil, to cut off the memory of them from the earth. 

When the righteous cry for help, the LORD hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. 

The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. 

Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the LORD delivers him out of them all. 

He keeps all his bones; not one of them is broken.

 Affliction will slay the wicked, and those who hate the righteous will be condemned. 

The LORD redeems the life of his servants; none of those who take refuge in him will be condemned."

AMEN!!!!!

Do you have "just enough?"

This is probably one of my favorite times in my day. It's dark outside (although the recent Harvest Full Moon was a GIANT spot light in the sky), the kids are in bed, the house is cleaned up and ready for the morning and it's time to walk the dogs. I grumbled at the first realization that I would have to walk the dogs several times a day, including at 5am and 10pm, because of the house we are living in...it doesn't have a fenced in yard, and it is all coral rock. For our oldest pup's whole 14 years of living and wandering, she has had the freedom to let herself out and return upon her leisure...until now. Now, Mama has to go too. Like I said, I grumbled at first, yet here I am acknowledging it to be such a sweet time for me.
It's so quiet here and dark. No street lights. No busy road. Nothing to be careful about except for critters in the road. The evenings always provide such a nice cool breeze and a beautiful stillness. I can hear the wrestling of the wind through the palms and the lightening bugs seemingly dance along the treeline near me, lighting the way. I do want to have a light with me so I utilize the small one on my cell. It's just enough to check for critter-eyes along the way and keep an eye on the pups.
Every now and then my husband will join me and he brings out his "real" flashlight. That thing can read signs at the very end of our street. It's soooo bright!! You definitely can see more with a greater light. I felt my heart and spirit began to stir as I pondered this thought. A stronger light, shines brighter. A dim light is just enough to get by....
Our women's Bible Study was discussing this exact thing this week, about God's Light shining through us and being a light in the darkness. The more we draw near to God and absorb His Light into our heart, the greater our Light to shine in the darkness. Even though my small cell light gives off just enough light to see right in front of me, in my small square foot, the "real" higher wattage Light, reveals much more of what is before me and around me and it even covers enough of the path that multiple people can clearly see "the way." It is brighter and clearer, and definitetly able to reach further. It is more than enough for what I need.
This is exactly how I feel when I have drawn nearer to the Lord, my "real" Light. He shines brighter and more clearly in the darkness. Those times I have slipped away from Him, I find myself with just enough to see right where I am standing, but no further. And my little light is just enough for me, and really of no use to benefit someone else.
I don't know about you, but when I am in a spiritual and emotional "funk" I am okay with "just enough." Until I start tripping over myself, exhausting from always having to keep checking all around, frustrated cuz I can't see...But, when I am drawn back into intimacy with my sweet Savior, I can see more than! I can see with more clarity. I can see further. I can see reflections I never would have otherwise never seen with a dim light and I get to share the Light with many others standing nearby! When I am fed up and done with having "just enough," and I experience the "real" Light, I wonder what in the world was I thinking just being okay with "just enough?!?"
If you are feeling like you have "just enough" and you have learned to adjust to it, and accept it as "just enough is good enough," I would encourage you and even challenge you to ask God to light your fire. Ask the Holy Spirit to began a movement of friction in you that gets your fire burning again, so that you can see further past where you are in the midst of your darkness. Ask Him to bring others alongside your path to shine The Way towards Him. May you no longer be satisfied with "just enough" and begin to desire a "real" Light to see further past your current circumstances and get out of your "funk." And if you are reading this and you are not in a "funk", may I beg you to ask God where He wants you to shine your light for someone else? You are a city on a hill and a beacon for the lost and weary. Please shine for us.

Thank You Sweet Savior for Your Penetrating and Satisfying Light. You sustain us on our path. Please forgive us when we choose to quench your Light. Lord, it's so easy to burn out in a dry and weary land, and yet, You are faithful to lead, provide and shelter us in the shadow of Your wings. When we cannot see, help us to remember that You do. Help us draw back to You and recharge our Light so that we can see where it is we are headed and lead us clearly on the right path again. Help us not settle for "just enough." Help us remember that You are a God of More Than Enough!!
Thank You Lord for those who share their Light. Sustain them and bless them. God, stir in us once again, the embers of Your fire and may we be consumed once again by Your Light. You are a consuming fire. Consume our darkness. Light our way. Show us how we can share Your "real" Light for others too. Thank You Sweet, Gracious Savior, amen.

Matthew 5:14-16 "You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven."

I'm NOT "normal." Living with Hope and not Fear. That's MY normal.

Panic attacks involve sudden feelings of terror that strike without warning. These episodes can occur at any time, even during sleep. A person experiencing a panic attack may believe that he or she is having a heart attack or that death is imminent. The fear and terror that a person experiences during a panic attack are not in proportion to the true situation and may be unrelated to what is happening around them. Most people with panic attacks experience several of the following symptoms:

• "Racing" heart
• Feeling weak, faint, or dizzy
• Tingling or numbness in the hands and fingers
• Sense of terror, or impending doom or death
• Feeling sweaty or having chills
• Chest pains
• Breathing difficulties
• Feeling a loss of control

Panic attacks are generally brief, lasting less than 10 minutes, although some of the symptoms may persist for a longer time. People who have had one panic attack are at greater risk for having subsequent panic attacks than those who have never experienced a panic attack. When the attacks occur repeatedly, a person is considered to have a condition known as panic disorder.

People with panic disorder may be extremely anxious and fearful, since they are unable to predict when the next episode will occur. Panic disorder is fairly common and affects about 2.4 million people in the U.S., or 1.7% of the adult population between the ages of 18 and 54. Women are twice as likely as men to develop the condition, and its symptoms usually begin in early adulthood.

What Is the Outlook for People With Panic Disorder?

Panic disorder can be successfully treated, and sufferers can go on to lead full and satisfying lives. With appropriate treatment, nearly 90% of people with panic disorder can find relief. Unfortunately, many people with panic disorder do not seek treatment. Without treatment, panic disorder can have serious consequences and can severely impair quality of life. Complications of untreated panic disorder include.

• Avoidance. A person may discontinue any activities that seem to trigger a panic attack. This can make a normal work and home life nearly impossible.
• Anticipatory anxiety. This refers to anxiety that is triggered merely by thinking about the possibility of having an anxiety attack.
• Agoraphobia. This is the fear of being in places or situations in which an attack may occur, or from which escape would be difficult or highly embarrassing. This fear can drive people to avoid public places and crowds, and may even progress to the point that the person will not leave his or her home. About one-third of people with panic disorder develop agoraphobia.
• Claustrophobia. The person fears enclosed spaces. 

(The above information was taken from WebMD)

This is the part of me that most people don't know. Hi. My Name is Michele and I used to be The What If Queen, living under the bondage of fear. Today, I live in the freedom of Christ's healing grace. I am known as the shy, peace-maker girl, so I can understand why most people would not or don't understand how I struggled with a life of fear which ultimately led to increasing panic and anxiety attacks. 
God allowed this terrifying season in my life to refine me in the pit. With the intercession prayers and strength of others, counseling and the hard desperate seeking of my own, I found my heart...a heart that beats for God alone. The pit was my journey up! 
This is why I started blogging and writing. It is a documented journey and testimony of the faithfulness of a loving Lord and Father that I pray, pray, pray God would be honored and glorified through. As He presses into my heart, it is my hope to be an instrument of hope, joy, faith, of transparency through these writings. In all I do, think and say, to God be all the glory!

For those of you that struggle with "something," be it panic, anxiety or ptsd from emotional trauma, can I just encourage you for a minute? I get it. I actually prayed the doctors would find something "real" to blame for my struggle. While I was diagnosed with mild SVT, this was a journey with the Lord He allowed to reveal His heart to me by refining mine physically, emotionally and spiritually in The Fire. Compared to a physical trauma, the emotional traumas are so easily "hidden." I have had every single one of those symptoms and outlooks cited from WebMD. It is hard. It is scarey. It does hurt deep. It is embarrassing. But God...He is our strength and order in the chaos. His breath becomes ours. 
You need to know that YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOU THINK and ESPECIALLY FEEL!!! It has been said to me, "You just need to trust God more" and "You just have to have more faith." "Remember God will give you all you need" and "It's really not that big of a deal, just do it (whatever "it" is." "You're overreacting." "Everyone can do it what's the big deal?!"
While these things can all be true to a degree, they are not absolutes to the truth. People don't see is the triple amount of prayer and preparations I put into situations and thoughts throughout my day that keep me centered in my spirit, heart and mind. I am healed and yet at the same time, have complete dependance on the work of Christ in and through my life, as well as physical and emotional boundaries that help me manage myself. It's not just the mind that needs to have self control, it's also the physical body. This season also taught me the importance of healthy eating and exercise, and the importance of fellowshiping with like-minded people who love you with the Love of Christ. Laughter is so good for our souls!! 

I am someone who trusts God with all my heart and mind and soul. I believe God is who He says He is and will do all He has said He will and can do. At the same time, I am not going to stop wearing my seatbelt, or jump out of a plane knowing God will catch me, or shall I stand under a boulder and think with God's strength I can catch it. There are limits that rule reason and faith that helps navigate what is truth and wisdom and that which is not! Thankfully, God has healed me from the bondage of panic attacks/disorder, and to a watching world, they think I am perfectly "normal." I have no problem telling you I am perfectly imperfect, and if we all admit we are, well, then we'd all be normal, right?!?

We so easily excuse people with obvious physical ailments and somehow are able to reconcile their "avoidances" but with someone like me who it's "in their head" they just need to "have more faith." There is sooooo much more involved than "nervous thoughts." A "normal" person cannot understand anymore than someone can understand the loss of a child who hasn't themselves experienced such a devastation. And yet we judge according to our own realities and expectations. 
I have longed for many years to be the outgoing, bold, confident, try anything, go-getter kind of girl, but it's not me. Part of this journey has been about me meeting...me. Getting to know the woman God created me to be even if at times I don't like being her, I know there is a plan and purpose for the mess that I am, and the good news...God ain't done with me yet! I have learned to accept (for the most part, even though there are god days and bad), the person He created me to be. God, help us see each other through Your eyes of love and hope."All have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. We all have issues, seen and unseen. As I pray for transparency and courage to share my heart and testimony with you through the instrument of this blog, I do not want this to be as much about me as I want this to be more as an encouragement from me...despite me.

Healing takes time physically and emotionally. Going through this very difficult season has blessed me in the greatest way. Desperation caused me to fall into the pit of God's grace. Collapsing into the arms of my God, His breath has warmed me. His arms became my safe resting place. There is no peace like Him. I am so thankful for His very great Love and His tender mercy and compassion. He is patient , steadfast and faithful. 
Yes, there are days my thorn wiggles and I feel the tinge of pain...heart palpitations, the intestinal upsets, the flush and faint feelings, the fatigue physically and emotionally, all the while confident in the strength of my weakness, being strong in the Lord, with a faith that says mountains can move!!! I am continually healing in Him.I thank God even still for the reminder to remain close to Him, trusting and depending on His control and grace. , the palpitations, the intestinal upsets, the flush and faint feelings, the fatigue physically and emotionally, alle while being strong in the Lord, with a faith that says mountains can move!!! I am continually healing in Him.

I refuse to listen to the lies of Satan that says, "You are so weak." "You are worthless." "You are incapable of doing anything great." "You cannot represent God well with someone who has "mental" issues." "You are faithless and a coward." "If people only knew..."

Friend, let me tell you....GREATER is HE that is in you than he who is in the world! You ARE more than a conqueror!!! You HAVE been fearfully and wonderfully made! God goes BEFORE you and God will NEVER fail you!! All you need is hope, faith and love in The One True God. And...I might add...others! You cannot battle this alone. Back in the pit to those who walk with me now, they are instruments of continued grace, love , support and encouragement! 
"Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us." Romans 8:35, 37 (ESV)
Friend, be patient with yourself, God is patient with you. He sees your heart! God knows your heart and not matter what other think or say, let there be NO condemnation in Christ. He will heal your broken pieces and gather you unto Him. You may become weary in the fight, and desperately thirsty in the dry wilderness but God never grows weary and is an endless stream of Living Water! Stand firm! It is in your weakness that He is your strength. He will be your refuge to where you can "run." When the walls around you and darkness closes in, remember that you are not crushed or forsaken. God is doing a work in you and will not give up on you! 

Now, some truth in love...if you are avoiding, hiding out, afraid or choosing to be in "that pit," you must admit to yourself that you are in a pit, dig deep into the depth of your heart and spirit and move into the presence of the Lord where He will scoop you up in His shield. He will be your rescue but you must first acknowledge the darkness and move towards His healing Light. His blood shed over you is already your victory, It's time to start living in it again!! 
One step at a time, one day at a time, step out in faith. Do not get discouraged when others think you are 'silly" or "ridiculous." Trust in the Lord to know and guard your heart. You must not continue to sit and crater under the weight of shame and fear. You are worth dying for and it is not His plan for your spirit to live dying inside. God is LIFE and He wants you to have it abundantly, complete with joy!!! You will have Joy again!!! By faith, will you face today and tomorrow with confidence that you are not alone?
  

Thank You Lord God, my Abba Father for knowing me unlike any other. When I feel lowly, you remind me how special I am. When I feel afraid, You are there to hold me near at perfect peace. When I feel like I have lost my mind, You remind me of the paths that lead me to You with Philippians 4:8 thinkings. Sudden moments of terror that flood my soul, You walk on the water, holding my hand to the shore. God, I dare not test you nor be foolish nor do I want to limit You so I am praying once again for the faith to continue walking in faithfulness to You, knowing wherever You are, there will be my peace. Thank You for Your Light that shines on my path from darkness. There is none like You and I am nothing apart from You. Thank You Lord for Your strength in my weakness. I am asking that You will reveal Yourself in a mighty way to me and my brothers and sisters in Your name who are feeling defeated and purposeless. Will You strengthen them? Will You draw them so close to You they too can feel the warmth of Your very breath over there face? May the comfort of Your arms and the tender love of Your heart be tangible to them today. Thank You Lord for Your grace. Thank You Lord for the victory that is ours because of Your Son Christ Jesus. Thank You Lord for the mustard seed!! I want to be the sum of a vineyard full! Rooted, nourished and protected in the name of Jesus, I am YOURS forever, I love You Lord!!! amen!! 

"We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; " 2 Corinthians 4:8-9 

"So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others." Philippians 2:1-4

Love is in the Dirt too!

"I waited patiently for the LORD; He inclined to me and heard my cry. He drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog, and set my feet upon a rock, making my steps secure. He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God. Many will see and fear, and put their trust in the LORD."  Psalm 40: 1-3

Have you ever felt like you were in a pit? The ground in which you found yourself standing became dusty, crawling with critters and it was gonna be a doozy to get out of? Maybe you are in one right now. How big is your pit? Enough to twist your ankle and limp on a little or is it over your head and you stand in darkness? No matter your pit, God can rescue you!
There is no such thing as "A perfect person." (Otherthan Christ Jesus, of course!) No one has it all together even if it seems to you they do. Everyone gets hurt sometimes. Everyone makes a mistake sometimes. Everyone looses their cool sometimes. Everyone responds in ways they wish they hadn't sometimes. Some times, we find ourselves in a pit. A pit of betrayal. A pit of anger. A pit of loss. A pit of addiction. A pit of loneliness. A pit of depression. A pit of lies. A pit of rejections. A pit of laziness. A pit of rebellion. A pit of debt. There are a lot of pits which anyone can fall into, sometimes.
I think we tend to look at other people and think they've got it easy or that they never fall. I believe this is a clever lie Satan plants in our hearts, not so much in way of comparison...but by exalting another person above us, we then lower our own adequacy and it heightens our awareness of our imperfections. We tell ourselves things like I am a failure...I can't win this battle...I'm not good enough...Things will never get better...Someone else can do it better...I'm a looser...I will never conquor this thing...It's no use...I am nothing. 
And if we have any sense of hope in our heart, we will turn towards God and then pitifully sit in shame, fear, lacking anything to present as "good" before our Gracious and Holy God. And yet, God is the Perfecter of our Faith, Strength in our weakness and a rescue in times of need. Just as He drew Peter up out of the pit of disbelief in the water, just as He brought Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego out of the pit of fire of injustice, just as God gave provision and protection to Daniel in the lion's den and Jonah from the pit of disobedience in the belly of the whale...God will rescue us too. God is a God who gathers together His people in His ark and delivers them from death. Over and over in the scriptures, we find God in the depths and dirt with us.
I am soooo thankful that God meets me where I am along my journey and even if I find myself stepping in a pit, He has "heard my cry. He drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog, and set my feet upon a rock, making my steps secure. He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God." He is not a God who sits on the throne judging and shaking His head. He is compassionate and empowering, as He sent His Son to the dirt of the earth to place His feet on the road marked with suffering, in order that we can see Him, feel Him, touch Him, and by His infinite Grace and Mercy, be saved by Him from the pit of darkness. 
Lord, thank You for being a God and Savior that knows when I fall into a filthy pit and graciously draws me out of it. I know my tears are heard and seen. Help me Lord God to be a demonstrator of your Amazing Grace and Compassion as You "set my feet upon a rock, making my steps secure. He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God.." May others see You and fear You. May my life be a testimony to Your healing from less paths with pits to more paths of righteousness. May others trust You for their rescue as I testify how You alone rescued me!! Thank You for Your sweet, sweet Love, that can even be found amongst the dirt. 
PS. See the glass heart in the dirt? Love and Hugs right when you need one! We KNOW He loves us but there are times when you just need to know-know. Sweet Lord!!!

"And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we have seen His glory, glory as of the only Son from the Father, full of grace and truth. (John bore witness about him, and cried out, "This was he of whom I said, 'He who comes after me ranks before me, because he was before me.'") And from His fullness we have all received, grace upon grace. For the law was given through Moses; grace and truth came through Jesus Christ." John 1:14-17

Behind Closed Doors

What's going on behind closed doors? Well, the only people who really know are the people actually behind them. Behind closed doors, fun things can happen but so can ugly things. From the Price is Right, Door #3 to the doors of neglect, lots can happen behind closed doors. Blessings and curses. Smiles can hide pain just as a tear can represent joy.
A friend recently posted about asking for peace and while I turned the focus on Christ, His peace and all things happen for a reason, trust Him, everything has a purpose be it correction, refining, teaching or testing, someone else responded to the posts with "life is full of crap" sentiments. Hope, Peace, Strength, Patience, Grace. This is the difference between a Believer and a Non-Believer (aside from the Cross and Salvation of course.) As a Believer in Christ Jesus, I have Hope through my Faith that He is in control. He will provide and protect me. A non-believer hopes in self....self wishing, self doing, self religion. 
This post isn't about defining the differences between Believers and Non-Believers. I say these things to make the point that ALL HAVE SINNED and there is nothing on this earth untouched by it's destruction. Bad stuff happens to EVERYONE! Behind every closed door there is joy and pain. Some doors shield just how extreme it may be.
Just the fact that we are human beings living in community on this earth, should be enough to call us all to be kind, to protect, to help the weak, be good, do good. As Believers however, we are called to "love one another," "help those in need," "encourage," "intercede," "rebuke." All the things mentioned in the previous post last week. We are charged with caring what goes on behind closed doors.
So, what is my point?!? Because we cannot see through "doors," it is imperative that we listen for the discerning and tender voice of the Holy Spirit to call us over to knock on certain doors. No, not to be a busy-body, God wouldn't call you to knock a door to do something He wouldn't do. If you are a Christian, you are Christ-like, then you would go in the same heart and motive as Christ. To love.
Maybe there is a Joy to be shared! Maybe there is pain to care for. Be sensitive to the Holy Spirit to lead you as His hands and feet. Don't hesitate for when we live according to His direction, we know there is a reason for everything and we cannot possibly know why or what. Our part is follow. It is God's part to know. We can't possibly have all the answers but we can be available, willing to be a vessel for God's reach. 
There are soooo many people hurting behind closed doors. May God find us faithful when He calls, knowing that He is in control, He will provide, He will lead, trusting that "for those who love God, all things work together for good." Romans 8:28 alongside the Saving Cross. May we rely not on our wisdom but on His wisdom to share in the sorrow and be the hands and feet of The One Who Loves unconditionally, Who Heals the brokenhearted, gives Joy to the grieved, Strengthens the weak. 
If you are the one sitting behind closed doors that is hurting, be encouraged knowing The Father above you sees you. You are not sitting there alone. He is your help in times of need. There is no one who loves you more that the Lord God. Do not conceal your pain. What is hidden in darkness leads to destruction. Reach out and open your door...put aside all that hinders- shame, pride, sin, guilt, fear, worry. Freedom is just on the other side of that door.
Whichever side of the door you find yourself, put your trust in the One Who is trustworthy. Go where He leads. Be encouraged....read Psalm 119 and remember this:

"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. 3 For I am the LORD your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior. I give Egypt as your ransom, Cush andSeba in exchange for you. 4 Because you are precious in my eyes, and honored, and I love you, I give men in return for you, peoples in exchange for your life. 5 Fear not, for I am with you; I will bring your offspring from the east, and from the west I will gather you." Isaiah 43:2-5