Things to Dump in the name of Love

The month of Love. For some, it's a blissful month of chocolates, cuddles, oodling, dating, intimate moments, extravagance and flowers while others feel heartache, loss, jealousy and loneliness. 

We were created with a need for True Love. We spend our days searching to fill that space, trying so many different things, and will until you find Love Who Fills.

The media is so good at showing us ways to fill this need. Eventhough Love Himself fills and holds my whole heart, and blessed me with a Man to share life and love with for over 30 Valentines, I catch myself oodling at the beautiful diamonds and romantic getaways on all the commercials because in my every day life, I am simple. I enjoy a coffee on the couch in pjs, I enjoy a simple gift, simple meal, simple outing, simple way of life. I am not a glam girl. Do I love pretty things? Beautiful clothes? Nails and hair done? Nice food out? Luxurious spas? Sure! But I don't need them or chase them.  

A few years ago, I decided to start hosting a Sweet Love night at my home. I was so nervous because I hadn't ever hosted a party for friends before...fear of rejection. There it is. What if no one came? What if I was boring? What if they thought it was stupid?

But God! I dumped the lies and pursued True Love and did it anyway. I invited a group of women from my church over, in the Name of Love. Valentines is sweet, yet bittersweet. In the room were woman who had recently lost their spouses, who were struggling to feel loved in their marriages, some who were too exhausted to feel loved Sisterly or Intimately.

These were wonderfully satisfying nights of introducing these Sisters in Christ to each other, sharing stories of hope and love, and for those who don't know me yet...yes, we enjoyed some serious coffee & chocolates!

As much as we need to embrace Love, some of us need to break up with false idols who keep us from receiving and giving love.

Today, what do you need to dump in order to have True Love?

Insecurity?

Fear?

Anxiety?

Control?

Addiction?

Perfectionism?

Feelings of lack, envy, hate, jealousy, greed, addictions, pride, immorality?

Lust?

Now that you have broken up, let's pray for Love's return and filling. Let's ask for blessings of Grace and deep soul satisfying wholeness to fill us. Let's open our hearts to receive again. Whatever barriers have been placed around your heart, will you allow Jesus to be the new Gate Keeper? Will you trust, let go of control and surrender to Love?

May it be so.

I pray this month brings you such deep joy as you remember the Love The Creator, Your Father, the Great I Am has for you. His Love is unconditional and of the purest kind that no human on this earth, no matter how wonderful they are, can match. He is the Ultimate Lover of Your Soul. You can trust Him. He's got you in His heart. Will you allow Him in yours?

"Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, 

bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. 

And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. 

And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. 

And be thankful."

Colossians 3:12-15 ESV

Let's Talk About Love

What does Valentine's Day mean for you? Remember those younger days when your Mom took you to the store to pick out the Box of Valentine's for every kid in your class whether you liked them or not?!? There was no avoiding not sharing kindness to the kids who were mean to you even in the slightest way. There is such a lesson to be learned right there and I could run down a rabbit hole with that one, but I will leave it there for right now. 

Statistics say Christmas and Valentines are the highest recordings of suicide and depression. People feel unloved or lonely. People feel left out in the absence of being romantically noticed. Oddly enough, relationship status has little to do with feeling loved, treasured, adored and precious. Couples - married, engaged or courting, may not have a partner who is good at showing love. Love is simply cultivated between any two people who genuinely care for one another.

Somewhere along the timeline of adolescence into adulthood, This Love Day evolved from a community love to a more sensual-focused couple-relationship in the receiving of affections physically through tangible gifts or human touch. 

Our human hearts are wired to desire Love, being the Love of Christ and Love with others. It becomes very easy as our hormones grow in adolescence to measure one's value on the quantity of received attention from other human hearts. The commercial retail industry's banks on the addiction to love as they flood the market with all things in the name of Love. So much so, the Love of Christ may not come to mind for most, yet here in His Sweet Love, we find the measure of our worth and value. In this season, may I remind you of the greatest commandment, Love God and Love others! Should we celebrate loving others? YES! Should we also celebrate the Love of God? YES! 

As an adult, married 29 years to my guy, Valentine's is not a sexual thing. I admit being a Super Romantic thanks to growing up with Cinderella and all the Disney Princesses. So for me, Valentine's is a day celebrating Love of all those who love you and all the ones you love. It is about all the Love in your life, not all the making love in your life. Does that mean a sensual Love in marriages across the world will not be made on this day? No, but it is not the primary call of the day.

Love is not selfish or self-seeking and God was the perfect example, giving us His Only Son because He loved us so much. So what ought we show in loving-kindness towards others? What may our focus be on this Day about Love? Sex or Serving? Lust or Love? Married people or all people? 
The saying is true, It better to give than receive and the Giver is more blessed than the Gifted. Our spirit stirs and our souls ignite with passion when we serve as a blessing and give from our heart, so we ought to do it, often...more than one day out of the year, right?! 

So, whether you are young person, married, divorced, separated, in a happy place or rocky place in your relationship, these are some ideas how you might celebrate Love as a family OR an individual and a few ideas at the end for the Ms and Mrs of the crowd.

Showing Love to another doesn't have to be expensive. It doesn't have to be roses, flowers and diamonds. It doesn't have to be from anyone....Love is something you GIVE, not get. So, let's share some Love....

Let's think of all the Whos. WHO can we show love to?

ANYONE and EVERYONE needs to be LOVED!!! Besides the once we easily think of like family members, children, teachers and dating partners, here are some others to consider: postman, FEDEX/UPS delivery drivers, local hospital staff, nurses, Pastors and their families, your local fire and police departments, cashiers, doctor's offices, law offices, DMV, garbage truck men, local businesses you frequent, women's or children's shelters, nursing home residents and staff, bankers, children's homes, tax office, military recruit centers, homeless, non-profits in your area, cleaning staff in the stores/malls/restaurants, drive thru windows at the pharmacy/fast food/bank/toll booth, wait staff and busboys...

WHAT can we do?
ANYTHING and EVERYTHING! Let's say money was no object, okay, well have fun and spoil and bless away with all your gifts and treats, but let's say you only have some money. Here are some ideas to do as a family or individual. 

• Make meals, crafts or cookies with a sweet note or bought card (Dollar Tree Valentine's are vintage treats!)
• Buy flowers, $10 gift cards, donate to a local charity
• Host a lunch or coffee date
• Pay for the groceries, coffee, happy meal, family meal without recognition
• Send Valentine's Cards to...who does God put on your heart? Look up their address online if it's been too many years to remember.
• Buy clothes or school supplies or event tickets for a family or friend you know would appreciate it. 
• Take a roadtrip to see friends/family/new city, buy an experience, take a (free) community sponsored class 

And if you don't have any money to spend, which was where I was a few years ago, here are some ideas, much of what I have done too.

• Clean someone's room/house/church/nearby park
• Pick up trash at your favorite park
• Put gas in the other person's car and say nothing, or take over a chore
• Attend a local (free) concert or event in your city or nearby with friends/family/group
• Invite a widow, single Mom, military Wife, College Kid another family over for dinner and games 
• Make spaghetti and make garlic bread sticks from hot dog buns and buy one bag of chocolates the day of for 50-75% off at most every store
• Pick flowers from your yard or from the side of the road and place in a tin can/mason jar/spaghetti jar/coffee cup and gift (check for bugs first! I learn that the hard way!)

For the rest of the List, CLICK HERE! 

And now what about YOU? You want to celebrate being Loved by such a wonderful Heavenly Father and delight yourself in it. The chocolate choices are abundant, and often 50-75% off the day of!! We give so much and we'd love a little something tangible to celebrate Love and express being loved too. So what can we do for ourselves, regardless of marital status?

• If you have money to spend, enjoy a night out with a friend or order take out and take it home alone (as a married woman, I treasure my nights in my pj's, with my favorite food and movie!)
• Buy yourself something within your own budget...it may be a $500 pair of earrings or a spa day or many it's a $5.00 Hershey's chocolate kiss or Recesses Peanut Butter Heart with your salad. 
• Wash the sheets and blankets. Add a drop of essential oil to the dryer ball.
• Take an extra long bath with your favorite book and a candle in the corner.
• Consider replacing an undergarment with something cute vs practical. 

For the rest of the list, click here!! 

No one is perfect. No marriage is perfect. No family is perfect. Only GOD is perfect and in His sweet, gracious, fun Love, we get to Live in it! His Love is unconditional. You cannot earn it or afford it. It is a Gift that cost Him greatly but He counted that cost and said You were worth it. YOU ARE LOVED!

This Valentine's Day, may you realize how greatly YOU are LOVED and know you are not alone. He is near, He sees and He knows what you need. Open your eyes and your heart to see this amazing grace and receive His Love, that you may also GIVE it!! 

"and may the Lord make you increase and abound in love for one another and for all, as we do for you, 

so that he may establish your hearts blameless in holiness before our God and Father, at the coming of our Lord Jesus with all his saints." 1 Thess 3:12-13

"And now, Israel, what does the LORD your God require of you, but to fear the LORD your God, to walk in all his ways, to love him, to serve the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul," Deut 10:12

For those who enjoy researching, check out what is said to be the origin of Valentines. Very interesting! Click Here.

When your loved one is suffering. Part One.

Do you have a loved one suffering with panic and anxiety attacks? I am betting that if you do, you are having a hard time understanding what they are going through and don't understand why it won't stop, why they say they think they might die. I know. That was my poor husband as I walked those scary and painful moments in 2008-2009. Honestly, your loved one who is suffering this heartache is asking themselves the same things. They don't get it either. 

As difficult as it has been to share my testimony and experiences with others, my spirit wants to testify to the goodness and sweetness of the Lord. In His grace, I found healing and the truest of love and kindness, and mighty, mighty power. But it took going through those dark days to see such pure Light. God's Word is full of testimonies of God's grace, provision and protection. I found such comfort being back in His Word, alive and active it is!! I felt less alone when I read the perils of Job and Paul and so many others. 

This is exactly why I began blogging and writing: to share and encourage. Yes, it's hard to visit those terrors but the hope to encourage and even save a life overshadows and uplifts me right over that pit of despair onto the wings of an eagle, soaring above defeat, shame and embarrassment. God has crossed my paths over the years with sweet Believers who have fallen into the same pits whom we have been able to share each other's journey, many in the middle of a valley. What a joy to celebrate hope and healing in Jesus Name together.

When I am sitting with the person in anguish, we speak the same language and as much as we get it, we don't get it. I liken it to listening to my teen speak calculus or when my husband it calling sports plays. I just don't understand their lingo. It's the same here. Until you have walked in the same shoes, it's a struggle to get it. 

We are able to feel what the other feels and understand the depths of it all, physically, emotionally and spiritually. But, when I find myself sitting with the loved one, they really don't get it. The look in their eyes was the same bewilderment my husband had with me many years back. He just didn't understand what it felt like to be in my body. 

He couldn't understand when I shut down or quickly fled situations, why I was so exhausted, why I couldn't handle loud noises and big crowds. One of the most painful stings to the heart is the look of weirdness, puzzlement, judgement, nervousness in your loved one's eyes looking back at you in your moment of fear. 

These were the moments "fake it till you make it" were necessary, just to avoid that look. To avoid the pain it pressed like a sword into the depth of me. It slayed me, reminding me of how crazy I was, shame flooding every part of my soul. And if this loved one who had my back looked at my like this and couldn't understand what I was experiencing, how could anyone else, and how much deeper would their look slash my soul? So, we hide, mask and protect. 

Thankfully, the Lord heard my cries and sent me rescue and all the while, I prayed for my husband to have compassion and understanding. He was one of my first subscribers to the blog, learning more about my experience than I was able to verbalize. Also, we had 4 kids running around the house and it wasn't something we just called out and spoke about. I wanted to continue on as normal and stable, conquering and hopeful, calm and collected as a true perfectionist and encourager personality. 

Over time, through healing helps of Christian counseling, natural remedies of essential oils and vitamins, Scripture memory work and meditation, a deep and purposeful prayer life, worshiping without wondering, letting go of perfectionism, accountability of a few trustworthy Sisters in Christ, re-prioritizing my life and schedule, addressing how I was (not) taking care of my body, mind and spirit. All these combined together for the help and healing, overcoming and conquering I experienced against fear. To God be all the power, and glory!

Recently, several loved ones have approached me about my journey, asking for help in dealing with their loved one suffering in anguish. With all my writings focused on the anguished person, I thought I would write to the loved one because I know as many who suffer with panic and anxiety attacks, there are that many more loved ones trying to understand them and help them. 

Lord knows you need the same help, love, hope and encouragement as you deal with the heartache and confusion in dealing with your loved one's current battle. So, in the next blog, I will share with you a few simple helps from my own personal experience in hopes to encourage each person touched by these attacks in compassion and hope.

Meanwhile, meditate and believe on Jeremiah 29:11-13, 

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.

 Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will hear you.

You will seek Me and find Me, when you seek Me with all your heart."

To God be all our glory, help, hope and praise, amen.

Click Here for When your loved one is suffering. Part Two.

Tiny yet Mighty

He was this small little bird sitting on the top of the fence, feathers ruffling in the wind as if someone had a hairdryer trying to fluff his do. His little body wobbling, but never falling off. It was a gusty day at the park as the Lord directed my attention to this sweet little tweety bird. His tiny yet mighty feet managing his much bigger body against the wind so closely winning the fight to knock him off the fence and yet never winning a round. He was a strong little guy, turning his body different directions facing the winds. I couldn't take my eyes off of him as the spirit began to move inside me.
He called into my spirit, "Why isn't he falling off? How can his tiny feet keep him steady and strong?" The answer, because God created him for this. God knew exactly the right portion of size and weight of his body because it was His creative and masterpiece crafting hands that made this little guy who he was. He designed the density and direction of his feathers to handle winds and resist getting his feathers in a ruffle. He was able to withstand gusts of strong winds because God equipped him for it. He had been made for winds that would carry him places he was created to go, migrating where the seasons took him with the ability to stand firm against them when needed.
So it is with us. Like this little bird, we too have been equipped to handle the gusts of life. Our bodies may be frail, but it is our mighty masterful, Creator God who stands strong within us to help us stay up on our feet and not be overcome, knocked so easily off our fence. We need not depend on instinct for we have been given the gift of the Holy Spirit who dwells within us, directing our paths. Trusting His strength in our weakness, we boast in the conquering ability to stand against what comes against us. When winds pick up, He shows us which direction we need to turn so our feathers don't get in a ruffle, and we loose our balance. And yet, we all have those blindside, gusting winds so often allowing fear to turn our bodies sideways, ruffling our feathers and causing ourselves to loose balance. It is in that moment we must choose to turn towards Him and hold on strong, or find ourselves in the dirt. We will never fail if we turn into His direction. 
Eventhough you cannot control the winds and storms that come your way today, know that yes, you can withstand them because our Mighty God has made you strong in Him and has equipped you to handle it. Won't you trust the One Who controls the winds. Trust there is a reason and a provision you cannot see and hold on forward facing. Just like this little birdie, sometimes He will even allow the gusts to scoot you along the fence line, and sometimes it will feel consuming against your flesh, but remember Who holds you and makes your spirit stronger. Listen to His leading. Watch which way the winds turn and be ready to move with them. Hold on tight. He will never give you more than you can handle. You may be tiny, but the Lord is Mighty!! Stay strong and keep holding on!! The Sonshine and Still Waters are coming soon beneath the rainbow above. You were fearfully and wonderfully created to stand firm in your faith! Do it!

"We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; 

So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. 

For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal." 

2 Corinthians 4:8-9, 17-18 ESV

He has my heart forever

"I am hard pressed between the two. My desire is to depart and be with Christ, for that is far better. But to remain in the flesh is more necessary on your account.

Convinced of this, I know that I will remain and continue with you all, for your progress and joy in the faith, so that in me you may have ample cause to glory in Christ Jesus, because of my coming to you again." - Philippians 1:23-26

This was the essence of my conversation with the Lord beginning in December 2008. Better is one day with Him than thousands without, and yet, what about the ministry, the people, the lost, the life, the community, my children, He has given to me to show them Him?!? Who will tell them about The Great I Am? Who would encourage them when they lost hope? Where will the Light shine? Who will be His hands and feet? Please Lord, I wish it could be Me! That has always been my desire and my hope for ministry. I have always lived on mission to love God and others with all my heart but that mission was led by love, yet controlled by fear. 
Today is the 8yr mark of the beginning of what would be a season of redefining, refining, and heavy sifting. It was painful and terrifying, and yet divine. Intense for a season but growth for a lifetime! In that season I was madder than I had ever been at God in my life and then more in love with Him than I had ever been in my life. It was a gloriously intense season. It is one of the times I am thankful God doesn't answer exactly what we ask, but chooses to allow what is for our good, that He may receive all the glory.
Satan may be whispering in your ear...give up...you don't matter...no one will miss you if you're not here...God doesn't really love you like He loves others...you won't ever get over "it"...God won't remain patient with you...you'll never be good enough...etc. LIES!! These are lies from the Father of Lies, the great deceiver.
You are loved, cherished, covered, forgiven, necessary and instrumental to the glory of God! He wants you, others need you!! God has planned a purposeful life for you and only He knows how many days that will be for each of us. The sheep do not instruct the Shepherd, nor does the clay teach the Potter. We are wise to live each day fully, without regret, without fear, without worry. We are called to live victoriously! Even in trials, we are being refined and strengthened as we are walking through Fire which doesn't burn.
So today especially I count it joy for the season of great pain and fear for it was there I came out out of the prison without chains, out of the firery furnace unburned. I walked away from the constant bullying of a goliath.
Jesus is faithful. Jesus is stronger than you. Jesus loves without condition. Christ our Lord forgives, and has already counted the cost of your unbelief and sins and He paid it in full! He loves you!!! When we truly grasp this truth and live our life as if it's true, what joy!
Oh the blessings of seeing Christ exalted these past 8years floods my soul and blows my mind. So many Believers suffer in silence, shamed and embarrassed, so I am challenging you to: 
-tell someone
-pray without ceasing
-fight the war with weapons unseen
-seek others who will fight for you
-walk through the fire courageously anticipating a beautiful refining when you're out the other side
-get stronger not weaker
-memorize and meditate on His promises
-worship in all you say, do and think. 
Need some practical advice?!? I know this sounds impossible right now, but trust me...serve somewhere. I know you probably don't feel like it, but do it! Get outside of your own square footage. Do an act of kindness. Get out of the house. Go for a walk, invite a friend to join you. 
Need even more practical suggestions?!? Drink lots of water, eat a good healthy meal and watch your caffeine intake. Do not just sit around and sulk. Pray without ceasing and count your blessings!! 
More? Start a Blessing Journal and write down one a day. Understand the Love your Father has for you!! Wrap your mind around the the fact He has created you to be His. He sees you right where you are. Nothing escapes Him. Together, we are a city on a hill for the nations! Turn up that worship music and dance! Sing it so the enemy cringes and flees. 
Stay strong and rebuke the lies of the enemy. Satan is not for you. He wants to destroy you. God saves!! God is our joy, peace and hope forever! His Grace is all you need and by faith, when you surrender to His care, He will flood you with Peace that surpasses all understanding. Breath in His Grace and be still that anxious soul. He's got you and He won't let you go!!!
May every day be a day we count as joy to be loved by The Great I Am, for His mercies are new every morning and His heart bleeds for ours. Rejoice always. Give thanks. May this be our battle cry!!! Going to church is not the answer, memorizing Scripture is not the answer, praying loud is not the answer. Jesus is the Answer and resting in Him, worshiping Him and receiving His great love is the fullness of Life! Jesus is not looking for performers or begirds, He is seeking hearts.
Greater is He who is in us than he who is in the world. We are more than conquerers! We are His!
Our healing and help begins with Love Himself. Seek Him. If you need more help, reach out to a counselor or pastor and ask for it! It's never too late. Mercies are new every day!
Don't let today's pain keep you from all the tomorrows' blessings!! He's making all things new!! Let everything that has breath praise the Lord!! Thanking God tonight for the grace that soothes our grief and His sovereignty that covers our sorrows.
God knows. God hears. God loves you!
Thankful for Love, Grace, Hearts and Hope!! God, You have my heart!!! Thank You for Yours for me!! In you I rest and live, amen.

Broken Vessels by Hillsong Worship in song here.

Blessings and Burdens

"So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal." 
2 Corinthinas 4:16-18

Welcome back. I sit here almost comically laughing at the fact I am still dealing with my pitiful body (and attitude, if I must be honest.) Never would I have guessed a puddle of water could reek such havoc in my life. My neck and knees continue to bother me four months in. When my knee went out, the rest of my body carried the burden. What a blessing that it could or I would not have been able to walk and gotten things done. Just as I mentioned in the previous blog, how humbling and convicting to remember that my choices, other peoples choices, impact those around you.

Even though this has been the most physically challenging season for me, don't ya know God has plans in it for my good! I am reminded of 2 things: 1.) We need each other and cannot live this life self-reliant; 2.) What we do impacts those around us, for good or bad. We are all connected in the Body and when one part hurts, we all feel the impact.

Not able to bear weight on the injured knee, my right knee took on the extra weight with every impact. Getting out of a chair (or off the toilet as a matter of fact) was one of the hardest things (and remains a challenge), trying to stand up basically one legged. Getting off the floor? Forget it! Friends and family around me have helped me in practical ways more in the past several months that the last years combined. I am a Do-er by nature so this has been a hard pill to swallow. 

Sadly, after almost 4 weeks of going the extra miles, that burden carrying knee gave out. It has carried the extra weight as long as it could. It was injured nearly to the point of my original "soccer knee." I sit here with a neck burdened, hips aching and now two knees full of fluid...and a heart frustrated, exhausted and a soul searching for the purpose in all this mess. My poor husband and kids, while it has been a good opportunity for me to take a step back and let them Do a little more, they miss the part of me that engages with them as we Do together. How much longer Lord?! We ALL want to know.
While there are many layers to this season of rest, pressing onward, letting go, trusting, waiting, sharing, believing and pure exhaustion, they can be summed up within these two lessons:
1. ) We need each other and are not meant to be self-reliant. Our choices in life affect those around us, for the better or the worst. The Lord tells us there will be trials and seasons of hardship and we expect those. Even in the toughest of times, God has a plan and purpose and He calls us to share the burdens with each other as we cast them also on Him. For those of us who are Servers in the Kingdom, these are really tough seasons as we face limitations to what we can do. God knows this and as someone who has been a Server for many years, I have come to recognize seasons in my life God reverses the flow of out pouring and I become the receiver, inevitably giving others an opportunity to serve me, or on my behalf. It is not easy or comfortable. Every time I am in this place, I learn better how to appreciate it as I count down to the day it's over with. Here in the receiving times, I am refreshed and humbled. I appreciate the hearts of those stepping up to help carry the temporary burden. 

"So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, 

complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. 

Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others." 

Philippians 2:1-4

2.) What we do impacts those around us, for good or bad. We are all connected in the Body and when one sheds tears either of joy or sorrow, we share the tears. The Scriptures of full of instructions to guard the tongue, love one another, share burdens, give, pray, believe, confess, repent, feed, hope, sacrifice, bless, encourage and rest. 
I never thought my hurt knees would impact my family as it has. My mind and body are physically drained which drains the brain, interrupts routines and hinders opportunities. Staying at an exhausted level makes for little or labored process from all the normal things in life. I have to have help getting most things done. Nothing happens quickly anymore. Some things don't even happen. I miss the little things like cuddling with my little ones in my comfy chair on the patio as they wiggle around laughing or sharing about their day. I miss being able to chase them around the house to tickle them down when they need a good soul boost! I miss a lot of things while other things just have to be done differently.
Days my pain levels are increased, my focus, energy, joy, mercy, grace and compassion decrease. Does anyone else get this way? My pain becomes everyone's pain even though I do my best to "suck it up buttercup." We live together, so we impact one another whether it's intentional or not. As an Encourager, it makes me sad to not be able to serve like I love to serve. On the good days the joy flows, energy soars and laundry gets done! Praise God for those days!!
Thankfully God has granted my family grace to carry the extra burden and as time goes by, healing washes over my body as waves lap the shoreline. I am honored and blessed they help me like they do, not to say there haven't been eye-rolling and a few huffs at times. We just don't realize the impact our stuff has on those around us. This is true with all our choices, sinful or every day stuff, our blessings and our burdens. We impact and influence our environment and those in it.
In Burdens:
Something so simple as the one who took the last square of toilet paper and didn't replace it, or left the milk out all day, or forgot to turn off the hose or bring in the wet towel from the car, ask them. It mattered.
For the one addicted to drugs or alcohol and doesn't think their spouse is impacted, ask them. It does. 
For the husband who says his pornography doesn't impact his wife or family, ask them. It does.
For the one who is lazy and assumes others will pick up the slack and not think twice about it, ask them. It does.
For the one who demands their way as the way it has to be, ask them. It does.
For the one who abuses their authority, ask them. It does.
For the one who yells and curses, ask them. It does.
For the one burdened with guilt, shame, fear, insecurity, ask them. It does.
For the one caring for a physically or mentally challenged family member, ask them. It does.
For the one suffering physical attacks on their body, ask them. It does.
For the one persecuted for their faith, ask them. It does.
The burden we bear and the burden we cause, affect those around us even when we don't think it does. 
In Blessings:
For the one who bless their spouse with loving care, consideration and help, ask them. It does.
For the kids who's parent help them, pray for them, ask them. It does.
For the friend receiving our prayers, encouragement and support, ask them. It does.
For the ones we honor and salute their sacrifice, ask them. It does.
For the hurting friend who we simply hug or share a cup of coffee, ask them. It matters.
For the one hungry and we feed them, ask them. It does.
For the hopeless one to realize they have Hope in a Savior, ask them. It does.
For the ones in authority to honor the law and Lord, ask them. It does.
For the one who realized they once were lost, but now have been found, ask them. It does.
For the one afflicted in the flesh, but consoled by The Healer, ask them. It does.
For the ones we shared our testimony with, and have restored faith, ask them. It mattered.
The blessings we give and the ones we receive, carry an eternal weight of glory we cannot imagine this side of Heaven.
Our lives are an intricate balance of burdens carried and burdens lifted as we strive to both give and receive in this world, working together for a common good in humility, honor, submitting ourselves to the cause of Christ over our agenda and purpose. There is a season for everything and our response to those seasons are crucial to the Kingdom of Grace. 
Your life has an eternal weight, today. Today, we are healing, growing, breaking down while building up. Wherever God has you, may Love be our motive, help, healing, focus, redemption, strength, hope and cause.
For the one caught up in sin, yes, it is hurting you and yes, it is hurting those around you. Ask them. It does. But praise God Almighty, His blood is thick and fresh enough to cover all your sins and cast them far off, to mend your broken places and restore you to the plans and purpose He has created you for.
For you bearing the burden of another, bless your heart for the love you are showing in Jesus' Name. May He continue to grant you compassion and empathy for them. He is faithful to sustain you in your care for them. Be careful though, you do not bear more than you ought and get in the way of what God may be doing in their life. Us Encouragers and Peace Makers have a tendency to enable. You will end up hurting yourself in the process and healing will take longer for the both of you, extending the burden further to others.
For the one with the thorn in your flesh, remember for everything there is a season and God's grace will be enough to sustain you during this down time. Be willing to allow others to minister to you or on your behalf as hard as that might be. Check your pride and stubbornness at the back gate and come rest. Honestly, if you're thinking the world won't be able to function without your help, well, God was big enough to build it, He can manage it in your absence.  

"So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. 

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 

2 Corinthians 12:8-10 

A Labor of Love

What a glorious birthing it was. A true labor of Love. Just before she arrived, a wave of peace consumed me from the inside and just in the nick of time. A minute later and I may have just freaked out and lost it! Quitting was not an option at this point. There was no turning back...it was time!

Her name? Simulcast. She was a Beth Moore Simulcast! I bet there are some of you who think that sounds ridiculous and yet I have to believe I am not the only who has been part of birthing a women's ministry event like this. The anticipation. The deep breathing. The watching. The waiting. The pain. The thrill. The sacrifice. The emotions. The hope. The faith. The stretch. The push. The birth. She was a labor of Love.

I have noticed a pattern in my walk with the Lord of what I would consider Last Minute callings or inspirations. Days before a Bible study, an epiphany. In the middle of a coffee date, finally wisdom or practical help. Months and even weeks before an event, the call to do it. It's not totally rare, but it is consistent, which I think is rare. I dream of having more time to prepare and double and triple check details and correct errors but a deadline usually comes quicker than I have time for. Why can't I have Year Plans Lord?!?

So it was for this beautiful birth. A month ago, God said Guess What?!? Affirmation came a week later, then growth began. My heart and flesh stretched as I used muscles only God knew I had, some of which hurt a little from the strain and yet I believed He would not give more than I could handle. 

He is trustworthy I whispered to myself. I pressed on with the others, planning, preparing, getting the nest ready to welcome our guest. I couldn't help but wonder would I be ready for her? Was I good enough? Could I handle this? Had I done everything I could for her arrival? 

Grace followed every exhale of an anxious inhale. Yes, our Sweet Abba Father would be strong enough for He was greater than my own efforts. Because He conceived her in the womb of my soul, He would be faithful to provide and would equip me for all I needed to do my part as He did what only He could do. My part was to trust.

The day finally was upon us and it was the night before. It was such a quick moment and yet it felt like I had been ready forever, waiting and anticipating her debut. The night before we gathered together and made ready her stage, gathering all she would need, testing our connection strength and praying for her arrival. Then there, early Saturday morning, contractions of real labor began. I arrived at the center and was nearly giddy in anticipation and yet sick to my stomach I could have puked, but too joyful to give it a second thought. The show must go on as they say! Suddenly, we lost her signal and my breath escaped me. 

Nooooo....not now, we have come this far already, we can't loose her. My breath deepened and quickened. Sore from the week of stretching, I dropped to the floor on hands and knees before the Cross and began to rock back and forth in prayer, searching for words, searching for a glimpse of life in the dead silence, desperate for assurance, reminding myself He won't give you more than you can handle. He is trustworthy...He won't give more than we can handle....all things to His glory...all according to what He has planned, may it be so. Take this labor and make it Yours, I trust You...I trust You. Remove barriers and knock out walls, You King and Creator are over all things and we are Yours, she is Yours, protect her for Your glory Lord. 

Other circled the center praying likewise, binding all evil and keeping our Peace and Glory a Mighty force to be reckoned with in His Name. Hearts and hands were lifted and open, praising and pleading.  

After what seemed like hours in what was really only 20 minutes, we heard her! What pure joy! Her signal was strong. Her timing was perfect and God was proven faithful and trustworthy, worthy of all our praise just as He said He would be. Family and friends gathered together as One and rejoiced at her arrival. With shouts of joy, proclaiming the Great I Am, we had her! 

She was lovely just as we had dreamed she would be. Her delivery was smooth and it rocked our world. What a testimony she has. 92 women's lives were impacted because of this beautiful gift of love. What a blessing! What a delivery! What a gift!

Was she worth it? Yes. Will we do it again? Lord willing, YES!! God is good and God is faithful! Can I get a Hallelujah and an Amen?!?

"For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them." 
Matthew 18:20 ESV

"May the God of endurance and encouragement grant you to live in such harmony with one another, in accord with Christ Jesus, that together you may with one voice glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore welcome one another as Christ has welcomed you, for the glory of God." 
Romans 15:5-7 ESV

Light in the darkness

Sometimes it takes more than a deep breath to ease ourselves in the midst of a panic moment. Those moments when you feel your world tremble, the rug being yanked out beneath you, the stab of betrayal, the punch of loss, pain of illness, the closing in of fear, worry and anxiety, and the unknowns. Mounted ontop of an already scary and evil world we live in. This is still one nation Under God, for the sheer fact He is above us. But we certainly do seem to live or build our country this way. Then again, evil has always been at work and God has always been on the Throne, so some things haven't changed except the date and the route.
I have suffered with anxiety and panic since I was a young girl, terrified of the boogie man and harm coming to me from someone in my community. My parents were involved with Crime Prevention so these were real concerns to a little girl. I heard about all the "stuff" going on in my community and it was frightening. Even in school, I was afraid of being an innocent by-stander getting caught in the midst of evil. These awareness and lack of confidence for a shy and insecure girl often shook my world in tangible ways. My body turned cold, shivering head to toe. 
As I grew older, the fearful attacks grew less and yet I have always lived a life "looking over my shoulder" and always wondering "what if....!" In 2008 when I walked into the darkness of panic and anxiety attacks, my world earthquaked and knocked me off my feet where I fell flat on my face, thankfully right at the feet of Christ my Savior. It was an intense, frightening journey but in the midst of this fire, God refined me. My heart, mind, soul and spirit we reshaped. He showed me how to have Light in the midst of darkness. Of course, being a Google-Everything kind of person, I had immediately begun researching "panic attacks" to learn what to do to stop them. There are so many books and techniques, I studied day and night looking for answers. I made a list that quickly ran dry as I crossed off what didn't work for me. 
Well meaning friends would simply say Just pray or Give it to God, only it wasn't and isn't that simple. There had never been a time I cried and believed as desperately as I was in those moments. This is why I blog my journey. Unless you've been through it, others can't fully understand what it is like or what it takes to get through it breath by breath and moment by moment. This is true of any situation of loss, illness, pain any of us face. Our solution is the same no matter what ails us. Our solution is our Savior!
So, how do you conquer feeling overwhelmed, scared, panicked, worrisome, constantly fearing the next attack, wondering what you had done wrong, wondering what you were missing in your walk with the Lord, wondering why God had allowed this, wondering why it wasn't stopping after every desperate pleaing prayer. How do you comprehend another day living like this. 
It was here in this darkness I learned the Light of Grace, the Light of Hope, the Light of Praise, the Light of Love. All these years I begged and prayed, cried and feared. Finally, Light. "Your Word is lamp to my feet and a light to my path. Psalm 119:105" Our only hope is God. Our only rescue is the Blood of Christ. Our only strength is the Holy Spirit within the Believer, leading us towards the Prince of Peace, the Great I Am, our Redeemer, our King. 
If you or a loved one are suffering attacks of any kind in your life and you feel closed in by darkness, may I have the privilege to share with you a few the practical things I did that allowed Light in.... 
~Know you are greatly and dearly loved by God, even if you don't feel loved, you must accept the truth that you are by The God of this universe. Love conquers.
Read Romans 8.
~Saturate yourself in The Word and meditate on Truth, opposing all lies of the evil one. I admit that my first GoTo was Google, not God. It was Tips vs Transformation. I wanted transformation. 
Read Psalm 119.
~Write out Scriptures to keep with you in your pocket or purse. I made laminated Scripture cards for my keychain so I had quick access and could hold them in my hand when I prayed in those moments pulling out the Big Study Bible wasn't practical.
Read Deuteronomy 6.  
~Breath deep. Inhale Grace as you exhale fear, worry, pain, insecurity. You can feel it leaving you, especially when you are allowing it to be a Grace Breath. It will settle your body physically, emotionally and spiritually. 
Read 2 Corinthians 12. 
~Seek Intercessors to pray with and for you. While we are all instructed to pray, God has placed a special call on some Believers to be Prayer Warriors. These people stand tall, strong and firm against the realm we often forget about. They are girded up and ready to fight. Humble yourself and ask them to fight for you. Ask them to lay hands on you and pray over you. Ask them to remember you in prayer. Meanwhile, pray for them to remain faithful and strong as they fight on your behalf. They are putting themselves in the line of direct fire so they certainly need your cover too. 
~Praise everywhere, at all times. Peace is ushered in by praise. Rest in worship. Let it be part of your new nature to seek Him first, above the worry, through the stabbing pain. Inahle Grace and praise Him for never leaving you or forsaking you and loving you like no one else possibly can. Count your blessings and receive the peace that surpasses all understanding. I have always been a glass half full kind of girl, but to worship from a desperate and hoping and trusting heart is beyond mere pleasantries. 
Read Philippians 4.
~Seek help from Christian counselors. Sometimes we need more than we can give ourselves. Do what you need to do to be led by someone who knows your struggle. You are not alone in your struggle.
Thank you for letting me share my journey with you. I pray these words of mine encourage you to seek The real Words that heal and transform, to the Light of Grace and Love that saves you. Stay strong!!!! 

"Greater is He who is in you than he who is in the world." 1 John 4:4

Honduras, 2009

Falling Into The Pit

Prior to 2008, I thought I knew myself pretty well and was okay with who I was. Reflecting back, I realize while I was okay with who I was, I wasn't okay with how I was. Born onto the Cradle Roll at our church by a military Dad and friend to everyone Mom, "doing the right thing" was something almost programmed into me. You add in my shy, insecure personality and there ya have your official Holy Roly, Goodie Two Shoes, always trying to be perfect and pure, not causing any issues, church girl.
I wasn't know as the loud one, party one, if anyone can do it she can (or will) or the prettiest one. I was proud to honor my Lord and my family as pure in heart and mind, never intentionally getting near trouble. My desire has always been to live "right" before God, family and others.
Years later when I entered Adulthood and soon after, Motherhood, it was at a time when the internet was taking off and the competition for commerce was in your home and phone 24/7. Back in my day, there were billboards, posters on storefronts and the occasionally mailed brochures. They were random and few. With the acceleration of technology, we have full time promotions. There are even ads you can skip, after you watch for at least 5-10 seconds.
All of a sudden, the comparison and brainwashing started to impact me. If I used that product, I would be prettier, my hair would be silky and styled, my outfits would be fresh, my car would have bluetooth (CD players back then). My baby would sleep better if I had this or be safer if I used that. We would be healthier if we bought this gadget and shopped at this store. My marriage would be happier if we went on this vacation and slept on this kind of bed. You have friends trying some of these products or ways of doing things and you wonder Should I be doing that? Is that the better way?
You can't help but wonder if it could be true, so you try.
And so it goes. Always wondering if this way is the best way, or honestly...if it's the right way vs the wrong way you are doing it. This is fear, worry, insecurity. Not that you aren't keeping an open mind of new ways to do things at home, work or in life, but you are feeling condemned at the choices and way you are doing things potentially inadequately or inefficiently...or wrongly.
After years of self-doubt and constant fear of judgement, I collapsed under the pressure into a pit. Thankfully God knew I was heading that way, and He had already lined it with grace. With the same child-like faith and heart to do right, everything about me was to seek to be better than I was. I always seem to find the best qualities in others but then instead of being sharpened by them, I felt less than because of them. I strived to be the best in every aspect, stacking myself up to the giftedness of every one else. Surely I too could take care of my home with all the homemade organic goodies and organize my home with glass jars and a label maker, hang perfectly ironed clothes in the closet and have vacuumed so well, not one dog hair would find it's way into a corner or a shelf in the house. I would do all this in my well nourished and fit body from my hours at the gym and eating from my cute garden in the back yard. Neither me or my kids would have cavities because we brush three times a day, seven days a week with the right toothpaste, never eating more sugar than recommended by the FDA. We would show up to school and church safely in our ride with side airbags and alarmed sensors. Oh how I could go on....
But there I was, in the pit, where grace softened my direct fall. It bruised me, and scared me, but it didn't kill me. It caught me. By grace, I laid empty yet so full of hope and faith for a better me. The perfect me that God has desired and created me to be. The Mom, Wife, Friend He'd be proud of. But here I lay prostrate and less than. Grace said You're enough. Grace said Just be you. Grace said Life is short. Grace said Days are meant to be lived, not wasted in worry. Grace said Do not fear more, fear less. Grace said Fear not! Grace said I am capable and you are in My hands. Grace said Follow Me. Grace said My grace is sufficient enough for you! Grace said Get up and go!
Friend, wherever you are in your life, remember Grace. You may be amazing at some things the Lord has gifted you for, but you are not equipped to have all the giftings of everyone else to make you fully awesome in everything to everyone. Jesus is the only Fully Awesome one. By grace, be you! By grace, be brave. By grace, be whole! By grace, live! Love Who's you are and how you are...saved by Grace!

"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me." 2 Corinthians 12:9 ESV

A Crying Womb

Mother's Day. The one day of the year we turned our hearts and intentions over to our Moms. It is a beautiful day filled with hand made cards, chocolates and flowers, breakfast in bed, lunch and dinner prepared by someone else's hands, neck and foot massages and to top it off, a day of peacefulness. A day when the kids at home don't complain or argue and they shower you with thankfulness of your awesome Mothering skills; and the kids outside the home video call so you can see their sweet faces and hear their adult voices telling you how much they miss you and appreciate all you have done for them. You flip through old pictures of days gone by. Then, your womb smiles as you lay your head down sweetly on the pillow, wrapping your arms around your waist, feeling so blessed, surely God has been generous. Was this your Mother's Day? Mine either. But oh to dream....

For some of us, Mother's Day is the day our womb cries...
Heaven's gain was our loss until the day we get to hold our child in our arms once again, or for some...the first time.
Our womb longs for our prodigal child to come home.
It aches to create.
Our womb reminds us of the one we came from that we never knew, or rejected us.
It cries for the womb that once held us, wishing we could be held by her one more time.

For some of us, Mother's Day is full of tears. If this is you, my heart is so sorry. Do not believe you are broken or for some reason rejected by God, or man. Satan is the destroyer of Life. Never stop believing God has purposed everything about you and in you. Days like this open the tiny wounds where our tears seep out once again. God says, seek Me.
May you feel the warm embrace of our Lord, the unconditional Love of your Heavenly Father as He bundles you up in His tender arms. He knows the loss of a child. He has children who curse His name and have run away. He has children who have crushed His heart. He understands longing and grief, but He is a faithful, hopeful Father, Who never looses sight of the eternal birth, more precious than what the flesh produces. In His womb, we received a new birth and we give birth. May our wombs turn mourning into rejoicing in the weight of His womb. May we long most for His Miracle of Life, even if it means our wombs will not produce fleshly children. Children are a gift from the Lord, and they can come from anywhere, in any way. May each of us Mother the ones God has placed into our loving care, by flesh or by spirit. There is no greater joy, than a quiver full!!! Happy Mother's Day!! You are complete and whole in Him! Let everything that has breath praise the Lord! Psalm 150:6

Psalm 139: 13-18 (ESV) "For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Our eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them. How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! If I would count them, they are more than the sand. I awake, and I am still with you." 

John 3:3-7 (ESV) "Jesus answered him, "Truly, truly, I say to you, unless one is born again he cannot see the kingdom of God."
Nicodemus said to him, "How can a man be born when he is old? Can he enter a second time into his mother's womb and be born?" Jesus answered, "Truly, truly, I say to you, unless one is born of water and the Spirit, he cannot enter the kingdom of God. That which is born of the flesh is flesh, and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit. Do not marvel that I said to you, 'You must be born again.'"

Thank You Heavenly Father for the Gift of Life, especially the Life You birthed in us. Lord, for those of us who's wombs are crying tears of joy and thanksgiving, we thank You. For those of us whose wombs have only cried tears of grief, comfort us and heal our aches. Thank You for sustaining our own lives. Because of our Mothers here on earth, we have been given life. Lord, bless the Moms as only You are able. Only you Lord can see the tears of our wombs and we offer thanksgiving for wiping each one. Thank You for miracle work of birth, in the flesh and in the spirit. 

You are an amazing, tender-loving Father. Thank You for Your example of how to love our children here, whether by flesh or spirit. May Your patience and grace lead us every day and fill our hearts with the purposes and hopes You have waiting for us. We acknowledge You as the Creator of all things and trust Your perfect birthing plan, to create and sustain life according to the "wait" of Glory. We praise You for our Life. Thank You for the gift of Moms who flesh us out. Heal wombs Lord that are aching and protect our Mommy hearts from discouragement, disbelief and despair, for You are good, the Sustainer and Producer of Life that is Everlasting. Thank You for Your Love, amen.

A Fortress of Faith

"The name of the LORD is a strong tower; the righteous man runs into it and is safe." 

Proverbs 18:10 (ESV)

Fort Jefferson was built in the 1800's, 70 miles outside of Key West, Florida. It stands today as a monument of beautiful design and towering strength. Click here for a link to read more about this historical marker. This is a place you most definitely want to take your camera. Between the masonry and the illuminating waters surrounding it, there isn't a square inch down there you won't get a good shot.

Our Texas friends who are National Park stamp collectors joined us for this day trip out there during their recent visit to see us here in The Keys. We bought the tickets, loaded up the cameras and off we went. Our 5am departure time came early just as we expected it would and even though our new little Starbucks said it would be open at 5:30am, the empty parking lot and dark interior revealed otherwise. An hour later we arrived at McD's for our first cup of java, happy juice, anti-grumpy coffee or morning juice...whatever you want to call it! 

At 7am we boarded the 100' ferry and headed out to this famous fort in The Beautiful Dry Tortugas. Slowly the fort came into view on the horizon after our 2 hour ride out. It wasn't as large as I had imagined but it was beautiful, and oh those turquoise waters. So lovely!
As we approached the fort, the broken pieces of the walls became more evident the closer we got. It has bravely stood the test of time. Our guide warned us to be careful not to lean against or out of any of the windows otherwise, we may become fish filets. It was a strong structure overall and a grand sight to take in from the gravel path up on the top wall to the waters below...and yet we needed to be careful of our steps, putting pressure on the walls and avoiding holes that eroding had dug. This strong tower has held it's own for a loooong time. While it seemed to be wasting away, it held together strong, hosting thousands of people walking it's echoing hallways, climbing it's spiral stairs and strolling along the upper hilltop. How is is still standing after all this time?!? Sure, there are places that have been bound up and strengthened with iron or new bricks, but the massive structure was strong. 
Taking it all in, I began to feel the character of this fort. It was just like me. While my outer is wasting away, I stand strong on the inside, held together by The Glue of Jesus, my Cornerstone.
I am a strong tower in Jesus name, held together by grace. I have been pressed, but not crushed. I have been struck down, yet not destroyed, even though it felt like I would be. We are forts of faith! There are broken pieces, rough edges, missing parts, gaps, all the while being kept in perfect peace and power. In our weakness, He is our strength.
What a wonderful view of the Body of Christ too. When one part is weak, it is the surrounding ones around securing it, embracing it, and keeping it as one, in Jesus Name. We uphold each other as we stand on our Sure Foundation. I have no doubt if one of these walls were standing alone, it would have crumbled under the weight of time and circumstantial pressure. But because it is bound together as one...it holds the strength of the whole. Be encouraged friend. Just because you may feel defeated, doesn't mean you are! We cannot judge what we see, rather trust what we know! Faith holds us together. Faith makes mountains move!

Together, we are stronger! Therefore, do not loose heart! We are a Fortress of Faith who is able to stand the test of time and circumstantial pressures that press in. We may need healing and help, but we will not be destroyed! Our Cornerstone stands Forever! AMEN!!

We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed...Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. 

2 Corinthians 4: 8-9, 16-18