Overcoming Social Anxiety as an Introvert

As an introvert, annnndd if you struggle with insecurity, doesn’t mean you have to skip out on socials and events. Let's Chat....grab your coffee...it's Sister Time.

I used to avoid going anywhere alone, especially if it was new to me, even if it was an event at my own church. I didn’t wanna show up in an unknown space. Not knowing who would be there or what to expect! I missed out on a LOT of love and experiences until I learned it was a good idea to buddy up and not miss out on what could be a blessings!!

With time and healing and some awesome Sisters willing to "hold my hand" and be my Event Buddy, I learned to be courageous and confident enough to go out alone. ALONE! It feels embarrassing to say that because soooo many people don't even think twice about going places alone....not sure whether to blame shyness, insecurity, fear...but I blame the enemy. 

I used to sit in the shame and feeling less-than-ness. I saw myself as somehow weak and lacking. I wanted so badly to be vivacious and fun and extroverted but it wasn't me and trying to be was soooo draining and exhausted me. Knowing it would take so much energy to "keep up and get out" I simply limited the amount of times I did it.

Anyone else?!?

Now, all these years later, here I am wanting to host events for people who are scared to be there! Funny how God works!!! Sure, depending on the event, I get butterflies, but it's not fear based. 

I actually enjoy going out to new places, seeing new things, trying new things and feeling alive and joyful walking in the anticipation God is revealing His glory through me, for my benefit or overcoming and victory also knowing I can't help but shout out the praise and use it as an encouragement for someone else!

Some may call it a mid-life crisis when you see us over 50's stepping out and doing new things. I think it's more about mid-life crunch time...we recognize it's time to DO THE THINGS because we just sat through intermission and it's the 2nd Act and it's almost Finale time.

I want YOU to avoid missing out on timely appointments and enjoyments and walk in courage and joy every single day, JUST AS YOU ARE!!!

Here are a few quick tips:

I look for ways to volunteer beforehand if it’s an event of any kind. Otherwise, standing in the back, not shaming myself, looking for ways to help serve others while there.

If you are still needing a Buddy, Get One!! Have a buddy so attention can be deflected as needed. Be sure to let your friend know your level of anxiety or nervousness to step in if they see you struggle.

No sugars or caffeine’s that day (or few days before) to ignite adrenals, instead camomile tea and vitamins.

Lavender oil is always good to have on you as well as inhaling the hour before, and during! I use diffuser bracelets too. (Link to the one I have used since 2008)

Guard your energy before and during with Prayer. Deep breathes, enjoy conversations that uplift and bring you joy. Move away from the drama if you walk up on it or if you begin feeling depleated. Sometimes a little bathroom break or stepping outside for a minute helps with that fresh breath.

Worship the Lord with every breath and count your blessings! Continually praise and say Thank you Lord for...

Look for ways to distract your mind and serve in some way. Something as simple as holding a door or paying compliments is so valuable.

Don’t miss out on life. Open up and release the fear of the unknown, fear of rejection. Trust and Faith. He is there with you mountain top or valley low, in your city or out in the wilderness. His heart is near!!

Sister, remember this, it's not always about YOU! Perhaps the Lord has invited YOU into this space to bless. Don't miss out on those Divine Appointments and Enjoyments! Walk with eager anticipation.

Feel free to share any social tips you have too!! There are many ways to cope and prepare, these are my basics!!! Love to hear yours!

It's Time!! Let's Go in Love and Faith!!! He is able to do exceedingly more than you can imagine!

Hugs, High 5's and Blessings! 

Yo Big Sister Shell

Things to Dump in the name of Love

The month of Love. For some, it's a blissful month of chocolates, cuddles, oodling, dating, intimate moments, extravagance and flowers while others feel heartache, loss, jealousy and loneliness. 

We were created with a need for True Love. We spend our days searching to fill that space, trying so many different things, and will until you find Love Who Fills.

The media is so good at showing us ways to fill this need. Eventhough Love Himself fills and holds my whole heart, and blessed me with a Man to share life and love with for over 30 Valentines, I catch myself oodling at the beautiful diamonds and romantic getaways on all the commercials because in my every day life, I am simple. I enjoy a coffee on the couch in pjs, I enjoy a simple gift, simple meal, simple outing, simple way of life. I am not a glam girl. Do I love pretty things? Beautiful clothes? Nails and hair done? Nice food out? Luxurious spas? Sure! But I don't need them or chase them.  

A few years ago, I decided to start hosting a Sweet Love night at my home. I was so nervous because I hadn't ever hosted a party for friends before...fear of rejection. There it is. What if no one came? What if I was boring? What if they thought it was stupid?

But God! I dumped the lies and pursued True Love and did it anyway. I invited a group of women from my church over, in the Name of Love. Valentines is sweet, yet bittersweet. In the room were woman who had recently lost their spouses, who were struggling to feel loved in their marriages, some who were too exhausted to feel loved Sisterly or Intimately.

These were wonderfully satisfying nights of introducing these Sisters in Christ to each other, sharing stories of hope and love, and for those who don't know me yet...yes, we enjoyed some serious coffee & chocolates!

As much as we need to embrace Love, some of us need to break up with false idols who keep us from receiving and giving love.

Today, what do you need to dump in order to have True Love?

Insecurity?

Fear?

Anxiety?

Control?

Addiction?

Perfectionism?

Feelings of lack, envy, hate, jealousy, greed, addictions, pride, immorality?

Lust?

Now that you have broken up, let's pray for Love's return and filling. Let's ask for blessings of Grace and deep soul satisfying wholeness to fill us. Let's open our hearts to receive again. Whatever barriers have been placed around your heart, will you allow Jesus to be the new Gate Keeper? Will you trust, let go of control and surrender to Love?

May it be so.

I pray this month brings you such deep joy as you remember the Love The Creator, Your Father, the Great I Am has for you. His Love is unconditional and of the purest kind that no human on this earth, no matter how wonderful they are, can match. He is the Ultimate Lover of Your Soul. You can trust Him. He's got you in His heart. Will you allow Him in yours?

"Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, 

bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. 

And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. 

And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. 

And be thankful."

Colossians 3:12-15 ESV

 ♥️Gift of Encouragement for you today:

When we walk AUTHENTICALLY it means we share what we know and who we are, believing we have a gift someone else can (and wants) to receive because we know our life is not just about us!! We are created for community. We were created to love. 

Being authentic means we Gift seeds to be planted and leave the planting up to them. 

I came from a place of insecurity...I know this is hard for some of you because it used to be REALLY difficult for me too. 

I lived in the Blonde Joke Era and found it easier to just have a low bar to be sure to always hit it but on the inside, perfectionism was the drug of choice. It was suffocating me. 

I woke up every single day thinking I didn’t have value to give. I woke up thinking I wasn’t enough of a Gift. I never felt empowered with value until I realized and accepted WHO’S I was!🥰😇🙌🏻 

I KNOW it is scary to just be yourself...but know you were created with value a d purpose, with seeds only YOU have to give!!! 

🔥Challenge: Share with YOUR circle who you are and what you know!! People need THE GIFT OF YOU‼️♥️🥰

Imagine a world of Gift Givers...we’ve got the best Example🙌🏻🙋🏼‍♀️🔥

#giftgiver #lighthouse #wherefaithis

Encouragement When You Feel Depressed and Alone : Let's Pray

"When I said, "My foot is slipping," Your love, O LORD, supported me. When anxiety was great within me, Your consolation brought joy to my soul." Psalm 94:18-19 

Not every day can be a great day. Over the years I have learned to be more truthful with my feelings and stop hiding behind the "I'm fine" response which most often translates I am not okay. Saying I wasn't okay seemed to admit defeat or reveal a lack of faith. I convinced myself somewhere along the path of perceived togetherness, it wasn't okay to not be okay. 

My mind would say if I prayed harder, there'd be more Happy. If I listened to worship music and read my Bible a little longer, my circumstances might change which would surely change my heart and mind too. I would never had admitted a bad day for fear of being judged that I was a hypocrite or a weak Christian. How sneaky and manipulative is our enemy.

It took getting stuck in lots of pits and circling the same walls over and over to finally get through them. I've learned to honestly answer, "Not every day can be a great day, and I am not okay, but God is faithful." It is bearing false witness if you say everything's great when it's not. The false joy and perceived peace are not healing hopes. They are deceiving masks. 

The Lord tells us in His Word there will be trials and storms. What a prideful thing to equate ourself to God in thinking we can control things. You and I may be able to fake out some people, but we cannot fake out God or those closest to us who can immediately see the shattered twinkle in our eye. I think the Lord gives our close companions a special kind of discernment to know when we are not okay and call our bluff. Those are special kinds of Sisters.

Of course there is the opposite of me out there when someone is a Pity Party for One and all are invited in. They can't fathom anything good cuz the world is evil and there's no good left in anything or anyone. How exhausting it must be to live like that. 

People with drama drain me. I will certainly pray for them, but I am not going to enable them and I don't have to spend more than a minute with them either. Hello Healthy Boundaries. 

Life is just too short to waste time complaining, contemplating and gossiping. My Mom has always said I wear Rose-Colored glasses but I come by it honestly. I know the Lord gifted Hospitality, Encouragement, Empathy and Compassion into my heart but my Grandma used to always tell me, "Always find something kind to say to every person you encounter." So, here I am born with a glasses of Hope and yet, I still struggled with insecurity and anxiety.

Life isn't going to always be great no matter how we try to create a perfect place. There are seasons our sorrow will outweigh our happy. And God didn't promise us happy. He promised us a Helper. Life gets really hard and sometimes our prayers feel they fall onto deaf ears. We gasp for a breath under the weight of expectations, hopes and dreams that only seem to fade. 

So many friends are dealing with huge issues and it's hard even when it's not you. I read comments in social media groups that break my heart and drive me to want to be a louder, bolder Encourager and Light for the Lord, to reach those in dark places at the edge of depletion. I have been on that edge and praise God, 

He sent His Helper and His hugs through amazing, honest, warrior woman who knew how to Hug my heart through prayer and accountability. Scripture says together we are a City on a Hill if we all chose to Shine which means, no masks. Does that mean we tell everyone everything? Do we post on social media all our failures, problems, conflicts, insecurities? No. We are wise to pray before we post and ask, seek, knock where our help will come from. 

Our God....He is a Mighty Force, Ruler over all Authorities and principalities. Our Lord is a greater force than our finite minds can imagine. He is a real God, a loving Father, Great Counselor and Friend. He is our Rock and Refuge. He is our Anchor Who holds us in place when we find ourselves being tossed to and fro. When the seas roar, He has the power to calm them. (It's the only time you should stay close to a power source in a storm!! heehee!!!) 

When we know Who God is, there we find our Hope. Hope strengthens our faith and faith drives our perseverance, which strengthens our joy. No one can do what He can do but He can use us as His hands and feet here on this side of Heaven to bring that Hope Reminder to others. To remind the broken hearted He is near and He knows where we are. 

And the most important fact I learned: He is trustworthy and faithful. His love is unconditional and He loves me right where I am, in my insecurity, my anger, my fear, my hurt, my unknowns...He loves me here. Are we willing to surrender ourselves to Him? Do you trust Him to be a Promise Keeper? Do you believe He is Who He says He is?

One day, crashing waves will find their calm and joy will conquer painful sorrow as all the tears are absorbed into The Master's sackcloth. There is a time for everything as Ecclesiastes 3 explains. We will dance but we will also mourn. All in His time.

I challenge you to do more than simply give an Honest Answer. Surrender and Trust Him. Depend on Him. When you trust Him, you will be honest with Him so you can then be honest with yourself, and others because you trust Him more than you trust yourself. We can find comfort knowing God is Who He says He is and gives us exactly what we need as we need it. You cannot borrow joy, or grace. You cannot create peace. You cannot move mountains, divide oceans, calm storms, or create life from ashes. But God is more than able to do exceedingly more than we can ever imagine. 

Do you trust Him as YOUR Honest Answer?! 

Lord, as we cry our salty tears, replenish us with Your Living Waters. Give us the peace only You can. Heal our hurts. Forgive our unbelief. Forgive our forgetfulness of who You are. Forgive us for minimizing Your power of provision and grace in our lives. You are more than we can imagine and Your love immeasurable. Give us favor in the mustard seed of our faith to walk trusting You. Transform our insecurities with Your insight.

We believe at the command of Your voice, healing can come and hearts restored. Lord, heal our broken bodies. Renew our minds and set them on You again. Help our broken hearts beat in the rhythm of Your grace. 

God,  I pray for those in the middle of a storm, remind them of the Strength of Your Anchor! Send hugs and Help to them and lift them up. Call out to the winds and calm them that You may be seen walking on the horizon. Break their chains and renew their hope in Jesus Name. Grant them peace, revive their strength. Relieve the weight of their sorrows and replace it with Your mercy, new every morning! 

We acknowledge You are faithful, steadfast and Honest. Father, we worship You and bow before You asking for revelation of Your Power. Use us and gather us as a City on The Hill. Open our eyes to see what You see and clear our minds to hear wisdom. Give us courage to take off our masks and be a Light for You. Take our flesh and cleanse us. You are so patient and worthy. We praise Your Holy Amazing Name! You are everything to us. Amen!!

"You turned my wailing into dancing; You removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing to You and not be silent. O LORD my God, I will give You thanks forever." 

Psalm 30:11-12

Mountain of Fear to Cracks and Gaps

I look back now and wonder how my life could have been different if I would have walked in the freedom of The Cross, being more confident and courageous, taking risks, one willing to fail and face rejection, not only in life, but within relationships with others and especially the Lord!? Oh the pit owned by Woulda, Coulda, and Shoulda. Thank God for the Great I Am! The God of Today! The God of all the Yesterdays!!! New mercies are ours. New opportunities! New spiritual muscles to climb of Will, Can and Should to climb out of any pit we fall into!!

Over the years, the fear of rejection (from God and others) built a mountain-sized wall, rock by rock, around my heart that allowed my heart to control the flow, pouring outward, not inward. I knew how insecure, anxious, inadequate and unintelligent I was on the inside. I couldn't let anyone know how "empty" I was on the inside. Receiving any sort of recognition or praise, and even help from others felt wrong to me. If they only knew I didn't deserve it. And I wanted to be the one helping. It’s like taking the 1st Place trophy when you clearly came in 4th Place. It wasn’t right. I had a very pure heart with a genuine honesty that I absolutely could not take something that someone else deserved more, especially knowing I did not. So, the walls slowly built. Walls of pride and perfection that said, Here I am whole-heartedly...however, it's a one-way road. Picture a volcano. The stuff comes out but nothing comes in. Constantly flowing outward, nothing comes back up the mountain. It had been established there with rocky façade to make sure no one could climb in. Sure, I wanted love to come in, I am a heart-felt person, but I was afraid. Afraid they would see I didn’t deserve their friendship or gift. Fear they would see I was actually nothing, a nobody. Fear they would betray me. Fear they would make fun of me. Fear became my Protector. It was my constant Security Guard controlling the world around me. No one was permitted beyond a certain point. Satan fed me the lie that to honor God well, I had to reflect God in His perfection, sacrifice self, deny myself. He has been clever at distorting the truths of God since the beginning of time.

I prayed for the opportunity to meet others where they were and encourage them, however, no one was allowed to join me where I was. I remember when my parents announced they were getting a divorce the summer of my Sophomore year in high school, and I zipped up my upper lip, got in my car, and got busy. I stayed busy with school work and dance team. I could be found at the church every second the door was open, playing volleyball or cleaning, helping others do whatever they needed, all to keep busy. I was most certainly devastated but I didn't show it. After time, I didn't see it anymore. It was buried in lava. I remained strong and available for everyone else, and for me. They would know how strong I was if I kept smiling and it would then prove my emotional and spiritual maturity. And, I could appear "just fine" to be there to encourage them in their time of need. Oh how backwards I was!!!

 Even as I have this conversation with you, I am praying God strengthens me to be transparent in my heart's thoughts, feelings and attitudes. As heart-driven of a person I am, I still struggle with fear, even though it is to a much lesser degree than in years past. Praise The Lord!! While I am shy by nature, fear is a thorn in my side, a scar on my soul, a pit in a tiny corner of my heart. It's a wound only the pure Grace of God can heal. Walls have been built and set for many, many years. They were built high and wide to protect and block pain from entering in. I felt protected, safe and self-sufficient behind my walls. They were thick. This may not have been the healthiest way for me to avoid pain but it was the easiest.

Everyone else seemed to be bold and courageous, strong and beautiful. It just wasn’t me. I had settled into the shy girl role and was fine right there. Eventually, I also settled into the ditzy-blonde girl role given to me, accepting all the dumb blonde jokes and their implications. In the 90’s it was not easy being blonde. You either had to bounce around bubbly-dumb or spend a lot of time and energy proving people wrong which is what I attempted. Although I will admit, I never was the smartest girl in the room, I still wasn’t dumb! Over the years, I simply asked God, my very Best Friend, to fill my void of intimacy and sustain me. To be clear, God should be our most intimate relationship. He should be the One who fills our heart and spirit. I am referring to when we reject other genuine relationships. 

Surrounded by people all the time, it was such an internally lonely existence and yet all the while I was being fooled by feeling God-honoring, righteous and purposeful, that my feelings didn’t really matter, I was all about ministering to others, others needed love, joy, hope and encouragement. Not me. Besides, I had Jesus as my BFF and that’s all I needed. And, if I wanted Him to stay close to me and not leave me, because then I would really be alone, I needed to do right, act right and be selfless. Jesus is Grace! I thought grace was for everyone else, something you could earn, something you could get, something you deserved. Wrong! Grace is a gift! Jesus is Grace!

God desires us to rely on Him, trusting His judgement over our own, as we live in community with each other. God places specific people in our life to bring us closer to Him, be it us giving into their life or us receiving from them. Not every relationship will look the same and neither will it have the same dynamic as others. We cannot fully know why God brings certain people into our lives but one thing we can know, that He is in control and works all things out for our good and His glory. 

I have some friends who I think it’s a no-brainer we are friends with so much in common and just enough differences that they are a healthy sharpening, “as iron sharpens iron.” Proverbs 27:17. We need each other to grow. Then there are those “uncommon” friends who you wonder what you could possibly have in common and then all you see is God between you! We need each other to grow. Sadly, others hurt us in such a way that we learn harder life lessons, finding joy, peace, comfort and strength through sorrow, betrayal, hurts and loss. We need each other to grow. Every person touches us one way or another. We need each other to grow, and glorify the Father. What a shame to keep all the good ones out just to avoid the few painful ones. And to miss all those blessings and growth?!? We need each other! Remember, His way, His time, His glory! Our faith needs to be in the One who is ruler of this world and the spiritual world. He knows and sees everything! He is the Author of Life, beginning to end! 

Since God's rebuilding of my heart to look and function more like His, I can say that He has been sooo gracious to take down those jagged lava stones one at a time. Evidently I wasn't moving at the pace God wanted me to, so He blessed my boots off with a few Rock Climbing Sisters who relentlessly climbed on over my heavily guarded rocks! The change of Guard finally happened and My Rock replaced My Fear. Till this day, God stands guarding my heart and I know that He will only allow in what He knows to be for my good and His glory. I trust Him.

 Oh, how I wish I would have lived a life of greater trust, faith and obedience before now. And honestly, how I pray I always will. I hope I do. I plan to. I wonder how many times blessings passed me by over the years?! How often that “cool” thing could have been an “awesome” thing? I had become deceived that my feelings didn’t matter. Why did I think that? Why were my needs any less of a concern or importance than any one else’s? I believed the lies that I wasn’t good enough, others had it worse than me, I needed to be strong and prove my faith. With God by my side, surely I ought to be just fine...He is my strength, right? He is my joy, right? Yes, but those are grace enabling attributes because of The Power of The Cross. Not because I was strong or good enough. All God, none of me! 

Ministering seemed to be a way for me to compensate for my inadequacy as I tried to prove my perfection as I helped others be “perfect” and feel loved and valued. They are so precious, imagine what God could do through them if they would just know how valuable and capable they were. When I got honest with myself, I realized it was true. I hid behind all my doings, keeping busy with others, using my gifts of compassion and encouragement, which distracted me from my own issues, plus I thought I was honoring God with my gifts and my heart, "considering others better than myself." 

I guess I knew what inadequacy felt like and I didn’t want others to feel that way too. I knew how cowardly I felt and I wanted others to feel courageous and strong. My imperfect self would help others feel perfect and special. If you could see me right now, shaking my head. Writing those words down, I just cringe, shaking a spiritual fist at my younger self! Back then, my way of thinking made perfect sense in my head, but on paper, and now looking back, what twisted truths crafted into lies, molded straight from the pit of darkness. Everyone else deserves (blank) more than me. Their needs were greater. They were more worthy and had more potential to go further and I would help them do it, praying over them, doing life and Bible study with their interest and soul in mind. Never mind me. I was fine with Jesus as my BFF. What more did I need!?! Grace! That's what I needed! And eventually a holy spanking to knock that non-sense outa me!  

Becoming a Mom only made matters worse! The "suck it up" part of parenting kicks in, the "lead by example" pressure is high. Following all the world's expectations of raising a "law abiding citizen with manners and a perfect outfit"...my wanting a perfect life just got harder....the fears, lies, hopes, and expectations only rooted deeper. 

Woulda, Coulda, Shoulda…here I am now and there is absolutely nothing any of us can do to change the paths that have already been walked. We can, however, choose today, to take a new path! Thank God we can begin a new direction on the road of forgiveness, grace and redemption! Praise God for His mercies that are new each and every morning! So, how am I different now? I am still shy at heart, that's just how God molded me in my demeanor, but I am not hidden or afraid. I acknowledge my gift of encouragement from the Lord and I walk in His strength and abilities to do it as I always have, however, I don't hide behind my own hurts, insecurities and failures in order to love on others. It is because of my own hurts that I can understand theirs. I pray my imperfections highlight the perfection of a Saving God! Through all my cracks and gaps, I pray others see Jesus. If they judge me, hurt me, betray me, belittle me, I trust the Guard of my heart to take care of them on my behalf! And He will take care of me just as He promises He will. Thank You Lord for my perfectly imperfect life!!! 

May I take a moment and tell you how precious you are to the Lord?! You may not feel precious in your life and you may be desperate for validation and assurance that you are worthy of Grace. Let me tell you, from someone who wondered the same things, YES! Yes, you already are. Even in your mistakes. Even in the midst of crisis. Even when you make poor choices. Even when your heart wrongfully is led by pride, perfection and even a twisted truth of righteousness. You are deeply, unconditionally, loved and Grace can set you free if you will just climb out of your pit, or off your mountain, whichever place you find yourself!! Dig out of there and into The Word of God. You will not know the lies until you know The Truth. Read it for the sake of wisdom and discernment but for the sake of grace, be truth and love to yourself and others! He knows your heart. He gave it to you!! 

 "So Jesus said to the Jews who had believed in Him, "If you abide in My word, you are truly My disciples, 

and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." 

John 8:31-32 ESV.

“Lord, thank You for Your faithfulness to see me through my immature and selfish, fearful days. Create in me a clean heart O Lord, day after day. Grant me renewed boldness, honesty and spirit led determination to work out my salvation to bring You glory.  May You always be the Guard over my heart, my soul and my mind that fear will have no room. God, I still ask you to completely remove the thorn in me that I would be fully free. I know I am nothing and I am undeserving of Your amazing grace gift, but Lord, I accept it and thank You with a humble heart who's eyes are set on You! I acknowledge my imperfections Lord and am so grateful that You certainly are my strength, all I need! May others see the image of Your beauty within me. It is my desire that You so fill me up that all others can see is You. Consume me from the inside out. Burn away all the lies and saturate me with Your truth! Remind us in our weak moments Lord that You are near. Thank You for sending Rock Climbers into our lives to reach our core. Help us to encourage each other from genuine hearts that are open and honest too. May we never seem perfect to others but rather, help them to see the You, the only Perfect One!!  “Better is one day in Your house than thousands others!” Psalm 94:10 Amen!

“Remember not the sins of my youth and my rebellious ways; according to Your love remember me, for You are good, O Lord.” Psalms 25:4-7