10 years Since Fear Was my Middle Name and Where Faith Is was born

"I am hard pressed between the two. My desire is to depart and be with Christ, for that is far better. But to remain in the flesh is more necessary on your account.

Convinced of this, I know that I will remain and continue with you all, for your progress and joy in the faith, so that in me you may have ample cause to glory in Christ Jesus, because of my coming to you again." - Philippians 1:23-26

What a conversation it was. This was the essence of my conversation with the Lord beginning in December 2008. Better is one day with Him than thousands elsewhere, and I wanted so badly to feel His presence again...I knew He wasn't done with me, so I always hoped...oh Lord give me Grace, give me hope, give me courage to be Your Light and Encouragement to others. Use me to be Your hugs here on Earth to those who don't feel them. For those who feel useless and unseen, less than and yet want so badly to share Light and Love in Your name, Please Lord, I wish it could be Me! 

That has always been my desire and my hope for life and ministry. I have always desired to love God and others with all my heart but that soul mission led by love, was controlled by fear. All the What if's and I can'ts became part of my being. I was the most prepared person for defeat because fear was my active middle name, not Eileen which was what my Mom had given.

Today marks 10 years since the beginning of what would be a transforming season of redefining, refining, and heavy sifting. I could write longer than you'd care to read about this journey and all I have learned but I will spare you as this is lengthy enough. 

This is Where Faith Is birthed from. A place of journaling, processing, exposing, sharing, ministering and documenting. Looking back, that time was painful and terrifying, and yet divine and exhilarating. Intense for a season but growth for a lifetime! As much as I prayed for the Lord to restore me back "the way life was", I am glad He didn't. I didn't know life without fear until it was gone and there was no going back! Freedom is incredible and life altering. 

In that season I was madder than I had ever been at God in my life and then more in love with Him than I had ever been in my life. It was a gloriously intense season. I am thankful God doesn't answer exactly what we ask, but chooses to allow what is for our good, that He may receive all the glory. Remember this when you too face hard moments or seasons. I promise you, He is up to something for you, not against you. 

We may not ever fully understand or see the fruit of suffering, but there is a trust that is foundational to the hope we must stand on even when, especially when, we cannot see.

Satan may be whispering in your ear...give up...you don't matter...no one will miss you if you're not here...God doesn't really love you like He loves others...you won't ever get over "it"...God won't remain patient with you...you'll never be good enough...God can't use you...you're not able...you're not enough...So many other people will do it better than you...etc. Absolute LIES!! These are lies from the the great deceiver.

Friend, You are loved, cherished, covered, forgiven, enough, ready, equipped, necessary and instrumental to the glory of God! Every drop of blood He gave, was meant for you too! He wants you, and others need you!! God has planned a purposeful life for you and only He knows how many days that will be for each of us so who are we to be wasteful or careless with these precious breaths?!? 

The sheep do not instruct the Shepherd, nor does the clay teach the Potter. What a wonderful day when we learn to live each day fully, without regret, without fear, without worry. Even in trials, we are being refined and strengthened as we are walking through Fire which doesn't burn, because He is near.

So today especially I count it all joy for the season of great pain and fear for it was there I came out out of the prison without chains, out of the firery furnace whole. I walked away from the constant bullying of a goliath who stood tall in my face since childhood. Thanks to The Lord's mercy, fear no longer controlled me or shackled me, now Love could truly lead. 

Although my salvation gives me eternal freedom, through my relationship with Christ, I have learned the blessing and reality of earthly freedom. I am learning to live authentically as the person God created me to be, fully embracing Grace as my hope and redemption as the reason, the only power I need for the purpose I was created for, to walk out each day courageously and reflecting the glory of God, so that others will discover their freedom too through the words of my testimony.

I didn't realize I was tethered to defeat deep in the pit of fear. It's just what I knew. My perfectionism and fear of judgement kept me careful and cautious, cornered into a comfort zone I falsely believed I would surely honor God because there, I would not disappoint, because I did not fail, because I did not commit to things I didn't feel I could do. Fear, in the name of humility, became my identity and dictated my choices and impacted my ministry, my marriage and most every area of my life. Choices that made me small.

I excused my shy and unqualified self as reasons to avoid leadership opportunities. I recognized and accepted my place in the Can'ts because it just felt easier and a place I wouldn't disappoint others. But God...the Great I Am who Is and says I Can. Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound...I once was blind but now I see! If you don't see the chains, how will you ever break them? If you don't ever climb out of the pit, how will you see life, Light and love? If you don't choose action and harvest, how will you ever experience growth? We must first allow His truths to speak to us, then we must BELIEVE them!

Jesus is faithful hope. Jesus is stronger than you and therefore will conquer all you cannot. Jesus loves without condition. Christ our Lord forgives, and has already counted the cost of your unbelief and sins and He paid it in full! He loves you!!! How amazing! When we truly grasp this truth and live our life as if it's true, what joy! What freedom!

Oh the blessings of seeing the God's heart over these past 10 years in every area of my life. Joy floods my soul and blows my mind. Fear is not the comfort zone you think it is. It's a cage but good news friend...you can break out of it in Jesus Name! So many Believers suffer in silence with defeating thoughts or behaviors, shamed and embarrassed, so if this is YOU, I am challenging you to: 

-tell someone trustworthy and keep accountability
-pray without ceasing
-fight the war with weapons unseen
-seek intercessors who will fight for you, reminding you Who's you are
-walk through the fire courageously anticipating a beautiful refining when you're out the other side and do not fear
-get stronger not weaker surrounded by likeminded people and walk by faith
-memorize and meditate on His promises
-worship in all you say, do and think. 

Need some practical advice?!? I know this sounds impossible right now, but trust me...serve somewhere. I know you probably don't feel like it, but do it! Get outside of your own square footage. Do an act of kindness. Get out of the house. Go for a walk, invite a friend to join you. Fear and shame isolates us. Break out of that pit and see!

Need even more practical suggestions?!? Drink lots of water, eat a good healthy meal and watch your caffeine intake. Get up and move! Walk, dance, clean, serve! Do not just sit around and sulk. Pray without ceasing and count your blessings!!

 
More? Start a Blessing Journal and write down a minimum of one a day then SAY IT ALOUD. Understand the Love your Father has for you!! Wrap your mind around the the fact He has created you to be His. He sees you right where you are. Nothing escapes Him. Together, we are a city on a hill for the nations! Turn up that worship music and dance! Sing it with purpose and declaration so the enemy cringes and flees. Let him understand he cannot cage you anymore.

Stay strong and rebuke the lies of the enemy. Satan is not for you. He wants to destroy you. God saves!! God is our joy, peace and hope forever! His Grace is all you need and by faith, when you surrender to His care, He will flood you with Peace that surpasses all understanding. Breath in His Grace and be still that anxious soul. He's got you and He won't let you go!!!

May every day be a day we count as joy to be loved by The Great I Am, for His mercies are new every morning and His heart bleeds for ours. Rejoice always. Give thanks. Dwell in His abundance and trust His ways. May this be our battle plan!!! Going to church is not the answer, memorizing Scripture is not the answer, praying loud is not the answer. Jesus is the Answer and resting in Him, worshiping Him and receiving His great love is the fullness of Life! Jesus is not looking for performers. He is seeking hearts.

Greater is He who is in us than he who is in the world. We are more than conquerers! We are His! Nothing can separate us from the love of God! Amen.

Don't give up! Don't quit. Nothing can hinder what God has planned. Will you trust Him enough by faith? Our healing and help begins with Love Himself. Seek Him. If you need more help, reach out to a counselor or pastor and ask for it! It's never too late. Mercies are new every day!

Don't let today's pain keep you from all the tomorrows' blessings!! You are more than a Conquerer and He's making all things new!! Let everything that has breath praise the Lord!! 

Thanking God today, for not allowing me to live another day shackled to fear and insecurity. There are thorns. There are scars. There are more layers to unravel in the process of healing and growth and it's okay. 

I never want to forget what it took to bring me to the feet of the Cross where Christ was all I had. 

To know His breath. 

To hear His voice. 

To experience His touch. 

Oh how wonderful the Prince of Peace. 

I look forward to every day with my Sweet Savior, King, Father, and Friend knowing He provides for the purpose He has called me to even when I am clueless or feel lost. 

Don't be surprised at continued trials and temptations, there will always be "those" days in every season. Until the day of Glory, He is still working in us and the enemy is still lurking. Stand firm in the Father's arms, He's got you!

God knows. God hears. God is near and He loves you! Live fully in this freedom! You are not alone, ever!

Thankful for Love, Grace, Hearts and Hope!! God, You have my heart!!! Thank You for Yours for me!! In You I rest and live, amen.

Shackled Joy

As far back as I can remember, I’ve been intimidated by strong personalities. In this new season of personal reflection and growth, I have come to realize it was the fear of courage and strength, so weird. Something I needed, and wanted... yet feared. I see it in others and wish that could be me, but it wasn't. Why?!? The enemy is very slick and patient.

Physical Fear: I grew up in a school where fist fights during the lunch break were a daily thing, bullies ran the hallways, assaults in our community seemed overwhelming. As a young girl, the fear was real and there seemed to be no escaping it. I knew it was just a matter of time before I might fall victim to the whim of evil. Watching the news was only affirmation that we lived in an unsafe and powerful world and strong people were threats to my personal safety. My soul was cornered by fear, terrified to live but happy to be alive if that even makes sense.
Over the years, I avoided people or environments that involved intense emotions, violence, power, anger, usually alcohol was center stage. Making the wrong move in public, saying something negative to someone, feeling angry myself, being around large groups, being around people who were drinking, hearing people argue, watching wrestling or boxing on tv or in real life triggered me into a flight mode. 

Emotional Fear: Becoming a Mom was the greatest joy and the greatest fear in my life. How was I going to keep my baby safe (physical) and make all the right choices (emotional)?! What if I messed up, what if other Moms saw my “less than” because my kids didn’t have the new trendy clothes, or didn’t like veggies, didn’t have a bday party every year, what if teachers judged me that my kids didn’t have a salad in their daily lunch or a homemade cookie or thought I was uncaring for not making cupcakes for the class on every party day. Fear always says what if you don’t measure up...everyone will know.

People pleasing was a coping mechanism to avoid arguments and conflict. I am a Lead with the Heart personality, yet inside fear was the guiding voice of all my “shouldas” and “havetas.” Decisions were made based on the presumed consequesnces if I didn’t do something rather than seeing the blessings if I did. Keeping peace and felling protection meant I was passive. Often, a doormat. It was just easier, so I felt. I easily followed and never led. Fear created what felt like a sort of safe zone for me. Power triggered fear. Strong personalities were loose canons to me. Loudness was intimidating. Parties and crowds felt like traps not quickly escaped.

Fear keeps us running circles around our own thoughts and controls our behaviors. Fear shrinks us but faith strengthens us. To be sure, I am a Christ Follower, I have faith...I just didn’t know how to have safe courage. Bravery, boldness, and leadership seemed like it was something everyone else had and some thing I just didn't have. The End. So I thought.

Fear has been a clever and quiet controller almost all my life. Perfectionism and people pleasing shaped me and guarded me even though my heart had hidden joy for life inside. The mask of Joy I wore daily seemed real. I had become really good at hiding insecurity and fear. Fear shackled my joy. Any decision that could involve conflict or failure were avoided to certain degrees in every area of my life. I still married, still became a Mom, still served in ministry and leadership but it was all done in shackled joy.

But God...The Lord is not going to sit back and watch His children remain shackled. We’ve been created for a purpose and equipped to accomplish it through Him and His strength, despite our weaknesses and insecurities because He is able, because He is Lord and He created each of us with a purpose in mind. His Grace is more than enough and we can walk in it boldly, confidently and powerfully. 

I used to fear-fear God. After all, He’s very powerful. But in His grace, and in the battle for my joy in the heavenly places I cannot see, He has been fighting for me. The very thing that terrified me, He’s been doing on my behalf, fighting huge battle to protect me, and not harm me. He has shown me that fighting is often necessary and righteous fear, fearing the right things is healthy. I am thankful for the gift of discernment I have always had to sense evil intentions but instead of the awareness crippling me, it now empowers me to be on guard and aware. There is a real battle for our hearts and our minds and we actually do have to fight. We should get angry about injustice and sin, while not sinning. We need fear in its rightful place under our feet. It can motivate us, but it will not lead us.

For us shy and recovering insecure girls, sensing power in ourself is scary at first. Those of you with bold, courageous personalities probably won’t understand any of this and it’s ok but I pray it opens your eyes to give extra grace to those in your life facing their fears, that you may lead by patient example, interceding for the release of the chains that hold them down.

Shackles are breaking and joy is being released! The weight of expectations, is so heavy. As Worship increases, so do Faith and Peace. Faith deepens our trust and when we trust deeper, we have Peace and when we have Peace, we have joy. As I learn to walk courageously against fear, my joy has increased. I recognize on this side of healing that fear is something that can shrink while courage magnifies joy, hope, faith and love. There is no joy in fear. If you feel scared, depleted, anxious, exhausted, cornered, judged, useless...you would be wise to check what you are bound to. A spirit bound to fear will drown but a spirit bound to Christ will soar. 

Friend, the Cross has set you free because of the blood of Jesus. The enemy knows this and is hoping you forget! This is why I blog and am kicking down walls fear built because I know I haven't been alone in this and I have experienced this beautiful freedom and can't help but share it to release the hold of fear for just one other person. I get it. Our minds are powerful things but the enemy seeks to control it and you must saturate yourself in The Word and dwell on the Truths in there. Once you wrap your head around the fact you are a Child of God, you have the victory in battle, you have the power of the Holy God living in you as a Believer...your world will change! The way you see it and the way you live it.

You are gonna have to fight! Yes, it will be awkward at first but it will free you! Fear can stop growing but you have to take charge! You have to step out in Grace and Faith with zeal and trust! You are more than a conqueror friend and there is more to this life than you just getting through it. You do have a purpose. Your paycheck, your title, your social media likes are not affirmation to your value. You are made in the image of God and were created for a life of purpose and hope, life and joy, peace that surpasses all understanding. You can walk through fire. You can do amazing things scared. Just lean into His strength and receive grace to make mistakes knowing you aren't a failure. You are simply figuring it out by faith. 

Ask the Lord to show you the people in your life who are authentically walking by faith and not fear. I would dare to say He has placed people around you with the iron sharpening tools you need but you've been too afraid to approach them and truly embrace relationships with them, because you're too afraid of being hurt or of failing in front of them. Cut off those fears and go to them. Share with them the journey you are on and let them see your heart. Ask them to be praying for you and ask for mentorship or wisdom in areas in your life you want to grow. I could not have done it without mine. 

Take courage and take up your iron. It's time to get up and gird up! Oh how grateful I am to have these iron sharpeners in my life, and some are unaware of their witness of example to me. I see them. They encourage me greatly.

Do not allow the enemy to shackel your joy anymore. Today, choose Joy. Today, stop fearing fear, stop worrying about measuring up to others or with others. Turn back your eyes to the Cross of Victory and look at the Empty Tomb of a risen Lord who dwells with you as you go and has conquered death. You are not alone and life will not ever be perfect and easy. But God. He stands near with outstretched arms to hold you close and show you The Way to joy, peace, and love. Love has set you FREE! Now walk in it!‬‬

Romans 8: "5 For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit. 

6 For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace.

For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, "Abba! Father!" 

16 The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, 

17 and if children, then heirs--heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him.

18 For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.

Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. 

27 And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. 

28 And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.

What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? 

32 He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? 

33 Who shall bring any charge against God's elect? It is God who justifies. 

34 Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died--more than that, who was raised--who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us. 

35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? 

36 As it is written, "For your sake we are being killed all the day long; we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered." 

37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 

38 For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, 

39 nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord." 

There are many verses in The Bible on fear, hope, courage, confidence and joy. Type whatever you are struggling with in the search bar of your Bible App or look in the index in the back of your Bible and start reading and reflecting on Truth! It is the Power to set you FREE!

“To me, though I am the very least of all the saints, this grace was given, to preach to the Gentiles the unsearchable riches of Christ, and to bring to light for everyone what is the plan of the mystery hidden for ages in God, who created all things, so that through the church the manifold wisdom of God might now be made known to the rulers and authorities in the heavenly places. This was according to the eternal purpose that he has realized in Christ Jesus our Lord, in whom we have boldness and access with confidence through our faith in Him.”

‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭3:8-12‬ ‭ESV

Happy 5 Year Anniversary Birthday to Me!!!

Happy 5 year Anniversary of Freedom to me!!!!! I never really used to focus on my bday, it was mostly for the kids~ cakes and cards, laughter and fun. But, birthdays should be celebrated, as we look back and ponder lessons learned over the past year and cherish memories made, and let go of past failures. As much as I "hated" that dreadful year, I celebrate what God had done to bring me to that place of nothing, so I could have everything!! 
For those who haven't followed me from the beginning, and don't know me, I went through a tough season, aka A Season of Hell, as I suffered with panic attacks, anxiety attacks and depression. It was incredibly tough and for those of you who have had one, or who also deal with anxiety, you know. My life at this point had to become very purposeful, guarded and intentional. There was a lot on the line, my marriage, my family, my reputation, my very life...my witness of who Christ was to me.
After TONS of testing, counseling, healing oils, new eating habits, vitamins, exercise, quiet times/meditations moments, research, breathing techniques and a very intentional prayer and scripture memory season, my thirst was once again quenched by The Living Water and my heart made healthy on feasting on my Daily Bread. The bondage of fear was lifted, the chains were broken and I was Free Indeed!!! I felt lighter, literally. Emotionally and Physically, the burden of pain that weighted my heart and soul nearly all my life, had been lifted. No longer did I live with the "What if (blank) happens?" and controlling fear. My entire life had filtered through, "What if."
I began that process in December 2008 and through every thing intentional- physically, emotionally and spiritually, God gave me freedom. And what a perfect time to declare it than on my birthday, that April 4, 2009! On my own, I had learned that what I had been doing was called exposure therapy. I went from fearing the planes flying overhead, declaring I would never fly again, to celebrating the step that I could actually go inside an airport again! My husband was floored when he walked out of the walkway to see me standing there, inside... at the gate with the kids to pick him up. It was a huge victory! It took a week of laps around the airport, looking at pictures, to get me there. Eventually, I flew short flights at first, even a little prop plane with 4 seats and I had to step up, on a ladder...on the wing just to get in it....oh my goodness that is a whole other story for another time!!!!!!....and lots of scripture cards in hand with oils all over me to get to that place. Since then, I have logged many miles with some more stressful than others, but praise God, I have risen above the clouds and to God be all the glory!!!
I also graduated to higher floors in the elevators and handled crowded places better and got back on a boat. So, I, being the list person I am, I set up the final test and we headed to Galveston for an overnight bday celebration! We stayed on the top floor, rode a boat, went under (and lingered through the anxiety till it stopped) a tunnel and stood with my toes touching the window, looking over out my window, on the edge! No panic or anxiety attack!!! WOW and AMEN!! I know this seems trivial and maybe even ridiculous to some but it's okay. Another thing I have had to learn is acceptance for where I am at any time on my journey in life, and letting go of the fear of judgement. My victory is not your victory. My milestones may be your landmarks and that's okay. I have come to accept and appreciate how we are all uniquely, "fearfully and wonderfully made" created for His purpose and glory.
So, here I am 5 years later, still with smaller thorns in my flesh but praise God, a flesh without chains!! I still have to live a very intentional life, even though I get lazy sometimes, I admit. But my heart desires to be pure before the Lord, my heart to encourage and minister to others is strong. It has been through this pruning and uprooting in my life that my strong-will is a blessing. I fight to be stronger, to be Proverbs wiser and sharper, to be healthier for His name sake and not my own. 
I will never forget that desperate December Day in 2008, crouched on the floor, when I gave myself over in absolute depletion to my God and uttered, "I can't do this anymore. I cannot live another day like this, in this pit alone without You. Please just bring me Home with You." Although I have many stories of moments like this where God revealed Himself to me, this one I will never forget. After months of void, He returned, my Shelter over me, my Shield and my Refuge, my Strength and my Hope, He returned. I felt like Job. "Please God, no more here. I just want You." He was always there. It was in that moment, I felt Him near and He spoke to me saying, "If you want to encourage others in my Name, how will you do it if you are not even here to do it?!" I sat frozen for a minute, it had been a long dry wilderness since I had felt Him and especially heard Him and this was a drenching rain on my dried out "soul." My reply back was, "But I have nothing anymore, I can't. If You want me to do it, then You have to help me and do it for me." And the healing journey began. 
I began moving forward and not backwards. That's right where He wants us, living on His breath, His strength, His wisdom. What I felt was the end of my life, was actually the beginning of really living! Oh the stories I could share and I pray that my blog has encompassed many of them. I blog to encourage and to remember, for myself and for others.
I no longer see myself as broken and shattered pieces. I have been made whole and am held together by the grace and mercy of my God. He is my glue. His Word is healing to my flesh. Without Him, I will fall apart and on those days I am lazy, my pieces begin to rattle and I am quickly reminded of my Glue and how I must guard it. I do not want to fall apart again. I do not want to leave open doors for satan to get a foot-hold, so I must live intentional, standing firm on the foundation of Christ, guarding my heart and mind and spirit in the Name of Jesus, and that victory is His! There are testings and prunings that will continue to shape me and test me to make me stronger, I have those as we all do. But I pray that these 5 years have at least taught me one thing, God never moves out of our reach. Like Peter in the boat, God grabbed his lifted hand before he sank. He is near to us just the same. He will never leave us of forsake us. I pray and confess my unbelief will be quickly redeemed and restored to active belief.
For the past 5 years, I now celebrate what has happened and say Thank You Lord, but I also look forward with hope and anticipation at what is next in every tomorrow as I live intentionally for every Today!! I don't want to go back to yester years. Me today knows the Lord better than ever before, loves Him more than ever before and looks forward to each day I breath in His grace than ever before. Not every day is blissful and full of roses, but every day God is God and that is my victory and joy!!!!! He is worth living for!
I still say "Better is one day in Your house than thousands elsewhere" Lord Jesus. You are my everything and my heart and hands lift to praise You alone, my All in All, my Prince of Peace and Mighty Healer, Provider, Protector, Abba Father, Caring  Friend and All Sufficient Savior. There is none like You, and I don't want anyone else but You. You are my Lord, my King, my God, my Refuge, my Redeemer, My Strength, My Everything!!! Amen.
Our encouragement from Romans 8:

"There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. 2 For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death. 3 For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do. By sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin, he condemned sin in the flesh, 4 in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit. 5 For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit. 6 For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace.
18 For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.
26 Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. 27 And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. 28 And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.
31 What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? 32 He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? 33 Who shall bring any charge against God's elect? It is God who justifies. 34 Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died--more than that, who was raised--who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us. 35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? 36 As it is written, "For your sake we are being killed all the day long; we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered." 37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, 39 nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord."

Giving Grace and Love in The Body

*Disclaimer: This as always is from my personal testimony and not something I have received from any study, book or degree!! I am just a Blogger wanting to share from the heart of me, with the best of intentions, vulnerability and truthfulness, WhereFaithIs for me:) 

I know, you can't help it...we, speaking from the person sitting on the pews, look at those in our church in leadership positions and expect, or maybe assume perfection from them. Surely, if they are called into ministry not only must they have an "inside line" to God, they must be all-knowing and therefore all-doing in The Word. They've trained right? So they know everything about the Bible and live it out perfectly, right? Wrong.

There was a time those used to be my truthful assumptions about those in ministry, until we served on staff back beginning in 1991 and have continued to serve in leadership roles within the church. We are certainly NOT perfect. 

As it happens, the more time you spend with someone, the more you get to know them. Serving together, you obviously spend more time together outside the church walls planning and serving and you have opportunities to see them in their "home" environment. You get to see those moments of exhaustion, hurt, frustration, waiting, not-knowing, illness, struggles. You get to see them. It's often a guard that is very hard for them to let down all the way. 

I would put those in ministry with those who serve as emergency personnel and counseling professionals....for that matter, even a parent. They may clock out at 5pm, but they do not check out at 5pm. Their emails and cells must be kept ready and available for those who need help. It takes great discipline to be fully "at home" when you are at home with your family, and rest, and be Mommy or Daddy and a Spouse.

God has blessed Josh and I hugely with the majority of our dearest and closest friends being called and now serving in full time ministry. Our friends are lead Pastors, Associates Pastors, Deacons, Women Ministers, Music Ministers, Children's Ministers, Youth Ministers. While they are the same person with us on vacation as they are at the pulpit of their local church, the way in which we relate to them depends on where we are. We immediately come under the authority of our friend when they step into their role as "pastor" over us. You don't toss out high-5's and joke around so casually and poke fun at each other. There is a respect you have for them as authority over you in the House of the Lord that is different. 

My heart breaks when I see those in ministry under attack for making a mistake. Do we really think they won't? (Understanding there is a difference between foolishness and unintentional.) The scriptures tell us that "all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God" and that is "all." That includes those in ministry, at any level. 

There are expectations that those of us in ministry put on ourselves as we desire to reflect Christ perfectly, show God's Oneness through our prefect little marriage and exactly how to "train up" our perfect little children in the Lord, all the while having perfect behaviors, perfect words, perfect answers, all to the glory of God. We try to be the perfection of Christ all the while exhausting ourselves and beating ourself up on the inside from failing to be able to be,....perfect.

Then for those of us sitting on the pews, we expect and assume perfection from those standing before us, telling us what and how our walk and our sin and our family should be like. "Who are they to say that when they...." 

How clever is Satan to create such a black hole of judgement and condemnation within the Body in which whose sole desire is to honor him!

Those in ministry are just like you an me. They came from the womb- just like us, were created in the image of God- just like us, they sin- just like us, they struggle- just like us and they work hard at what they do in their career- just like us. They are flesh- just like us. Their hearts get hurt, grow tired and weary, their children talk back and disobey, they have bills to pay- just like us. They are human. Let's not forget that. 

In times of failures or struggles, those in ministry need to be reminded of grace with truth in love, you are just human-just like us. The difference is they have been called to Shepherd a flock for the Lord's Sake and while there is a great weight of responsibility, I am not denying the gravity of their accountability before the Lord. They will be held with accountability as they stand before the Lord for their personal walk with the Lord as well as giving account for the many God gave them responsibility for in His Name. Just as the Husband will give account for those in his family's spiritual condition, so will the Pastor of his family at home and his Church Family. That's a heavy burden!

I say all this to say, may we give grace and realistic expectations to those God has placed in authority over us in our church. Honor them, respect their leadership, understanding they are fearfully and reverently serving the Lord with excellence. They carry enough weight on their own accord without us adding more. 

Be kind and helpful, speaking truth in love when necessary. Offer hospitality and support, affirm their service to the Body, and pray, pray, pray for them as the attacks spiritually are great that they would be deeply rooted into God's fertile soil and resist devastation in times of crisis. Pray for balance in their roles within the church and outside. Pray for them to have times of consistent joyful rest. Pray for their personal walks with the Lord be rich and satisfying, alive, fruitful and invigorating! 

Let us in the pews be loyal as we serve as another part of the Body with them. Really, we are all called into ministry as Disciples of Christ. That reality hit me in the gut at one time and awoke me to my own responsibility, the burden I carry with all parts of the Body. Think about it, the neck must hold up the head and yet I must have a head to function! It takes a body to be a Body! Together, we are a Body as Believers in Christ Jesus.

If God has allowed you to be a friend of a leader/minister, be a loyal friend to them. Come alongside and be genuine, be available, give them freedom to breath and absolutely, especially, be a safe place of confidentiality, encouragement and sharpening. Be friends without titles. What a rich friendship it is when you can not only serve together, but play together, sharing all aspects of your life with them. That is a trusted treasure! 

So, whether you are the one in ministry or the one on the pew, remember the standard of perfection you are looking for can only be achieved by the Lord our God. Understand your humanness. There is such freedom when we acknowledge our imperfection and expect there to be mistakes even as we strive for excellence. (No, that does not give us permission to sin, rather comforting humility to know that despite our best efforts, we will sin in moments we miss the mark.) 

May Satan's black hole not suck us into despair when we do, but may we stand firm on the Rock, our Sure Foundation, Who gives us strength and saving love! God, help us to give and receive grace upon grace for His Name's Sake remembering that we are redeemed! You Lord God Almighty are All To Us and no one is Perfect but You! We praise You and adore You forever and ever! Glory and Honor and Grace, amen.

"Now there are varieties of gifts, but the same Spirit; and there are varieties of service, but the same Lord; and there are varieties of activities, but it is the same God who empowers them all in everyone.  To each is given the manifestation of the Spirit for the common good." 1 Corinthians 12:4-7

(Click on the link to worship...)

Precious cornerstone, sure foundation

You are faithful to the end

We are waiting, on You, Jesus

We believe You're all to us

Let the glory of Your name be the passion of the Church

Let the righteousness of God be a holy flame that burns

Let the saving love of Christ be the measure of our lives

We believe, You're all to us" Chris Tomlin, All to Us

   

Uphill vs Downhill

Imagine you are out riding your bike and then you notice in the distance a slight change in the elevation and it's taking you UPHILL? For the moment it seems thrilling as you continue pedaling along and begin the climb UPHILL...only to be at a near stop half way up!! You don't have momentum to get up top the topside. So, you stop to catch your breath and then as you push off to go, you find yourself actually sliding backwards. I wish I hadn't of stopped!!!! Now, I am not only back where I started but I'm exhausted and still need to find the energy to get UP that HILL!! The Good News is I now know what I need to do to get over that hill to the other side!! Here I go...digging deep...pushing off...digging deeper...pushing through the pain...seeing the top!!!! At the top!!!! Yay!! Now, to coast downhill and catch my breath. What a feeling of freedom to now be flying DOWNHILL!! (The only time I think the phase "headed downhill" is a good one~LOL!) (I also can't help but thinking about my 15 year old as he learns how to drive his manuel-drive Jeep uphill!!! We certainly avoid whatever hills we can!! LOL!!!)

What was the key to getting UPHILL? Awareness. Awareness that there was a hill coming. Awareness that momentum was necessary to get up there. Awareness that it will take extra effort but the other side will be one of freedom. Do not stop...it's much harder to keep going if you stop. You may just have to dig deep and start over, taking with you the Good News of The Way to get to the other side.

We don't know what our future holds. "Hills" for us can be right around the corner while sometimes they can be seen in the distance. What we need is the awareness that "hills" will come and since we don't always know when they will be upon us, we must keep our momentum. If we are idling along, odds are we won't make it up that hill. We need to dig deep, daily, consistently, always ready to get up and over those "hills." Some may be higher than others, and some may be enough to jump over, but one thing is for sure, you must be ready!

Are you gaining momentum today for your next "hill?" What are you doing today to be ready? How are you "digging deep?" 

Or are you stopped on your "hill," sliding backwards? How can you "dig deep" and gain that momentum to get UPHILL?

No matter who you are, how long you have been a Believer in Jesus Christ, we ALL need our Daily Bread. We ALL need to find our momentum,  that "digging deep," into The Lord as we find strength and endurance up and over our "hills." Taking with us The Good News that God has gone before us and knowing we can get over that 'hill" infront of us if we trust Him and don't stop!!!

Here are some ways I personally am digging deep in this season in my life...hope it encourages you to find how God would prompt you to dig deep to get up your "hills."

 * Start before my feet hit floor and End my day in prayer...adoration, confession, intercession for self/others, protection. When you "pray without ceasing", it is constant communication throughout the day, so here and there, I'm asking for awareness. But there are also times where it is necessary to stop and pray as the Holy Spirit leads...especially in warfare.

  * Being in The Word DAILY is crucial!! "For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart" Hebrews 4:12...on my own, I am weak!

  * Accountability. I LOVE women's bible studies. Not only is there teaching from those who have been gifted with teaching the wisdom of the Word, but you also find accountability within the group. Love that!! You won't likely find yourself idling by...as "iron sharpens iron" you find that momenteum.

  * I cannot stop! It is obvious if I miss a study day or if I go with how I am feeling, cuz there are plenty of days I feel like being idle. Digging deep is not easy. It takes strength and endurance which on my own, I don't have. I will slide back. Thankful that when I do slide back, I can repent and start again, knowing The Good News!!

  * Remembering that I am not alone on the "hills." Everyone has hills. Also, I cannot compare or whine about who's hill is greater or lesser. I need to dig deep, gain my own momentum and quit worrying about everyone else. I am encouraged when I see others around me digging deep to get up their "hill" and that pushes me to dig deeper too!

  * Do not fear!!! Be aware of idling and idoling!! Be ready to battle! Be in the Word. Be aware of "elevation" changes. Don't fear or grow weary about the climb up. If you have already gained momentum, you will get up it quicker and with less pain. Get up. Get over. Enjoy the freedom headed down on the other side.

"And we urge you, brothers, admonish the idle, 

encourage the fainthearted, 

help the weak, 

be patient with them all." I Thess 5:14

Friend, your first hill needs to be the Hill of Calvary. God loved you so much, He knows the hills you need to get over, and He made a way for you through the Gift of His Son. Get yourself up on that Hill and get the gift of Life. See the Blood that He dug so deep. Then, find yourself on the other side of that Hill where Freedom is. He is alive and risen so that you may have life abundantly! There is Hope. There is Peace. There is Strength. There is Endurance.

Good News is found Uphill and Freedom is found Downhill!