Things to Dump in the name of Love

The month of Love. For some, it's a blissful month of chocolates, cuddles, oodling, dating, intimate moments, extravagance and flowers while others feel heartache, loss, jealousy and loneliness. 

We were created with a need for True Love. We spend our days searching to fill that space, trying so many different things, and will until you find Love Who Fills.

The media is so good at showing us ways to fill this need. Eventhough Love Himself fills and holds my whole heart, and blessed me with a Man to share life and love with for over 30 Valentines, I catch myself oodling at the beautiful diamonds and romantic getaways on all the commercials because in my every day life, I am simple. I enjoy a coffee on the couch in pjs, I enjoy a simple gift, simple meal, simple outing, simple way of life. I am not a glam girl. Do I love pretty things? Beautiful clothes? Nails and hair done? Nice food out? Luxurious spas? Sure! But I don't need them or chase them.  

A few years ago, I decided to start hosting a Sweet Love night at my home. I was so nervous because I hadn't ever hosted a party for friends before...fear of rejection. There it is. What if no one came? What if I was boring? What if they thought it was stupid?

But God! I dumped the lies and pursued True Love and did it anyway. I invited a group of women from my church over, in the Name of Love. Valentines is sweet, yet bittersweet. In the room were woman who had recently lost their spouses, who were struggling to feel loved in their marriages, some who were too exhausted to feel loved Sisterly or Intimately.

These were wonderfully satisfying nights of introducing these Sisters in Christ to each other, sharing stories of hope and love, and for those who don't know me yet...yes, we enjoyed some serious coffee & chocolates!

As much as we need to embrace Love, some of us need to break up with false idols who keep us from receiving and giving love.

Today, what do you need to dump in order to have True Love?

Insecurity?

Fear?

Anxiety?

Control?

Addiction?

Perfectionism?

Feelings of lack, envy, hate, jealousy, greed, addictions, pride, immorality?

Lust?

Now that you have broken up, let's pray for Love's return and filling. Let's ask for blessings of Grace and deep soul satisfying wholeness to fill us. Let's open our hearts to receive again. Whatever barriers have been placed around your heart, will you allow Jesus to be the new Gate Keeper? Will you trust, let go of control and surrender to Love?

May it be so.

I pray this month brings you such deep joy as you remember the Love The Creator, Your Father, the Great I Am has for you. His Love is unconditional and of the purest kind that no human on this earth, no matter how wonderful they are, can match. He is the Ultimate Lover of Your Soul. You can trust Him. He's got you in His heart. Will you allow Him in yours?

"Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, 

bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. 

And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. 

And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. 

And be thankful."

Colossians 3:12-15 ESV

Stop Living Numb : Tips for Overcoming Overwhelm as a Christian

Life can feel hard! Yesterday was hard...today will be hard, and most likely so will many tomorrows. To be fair, God did tell us it would be. Isn't it good to know we have hope for a greater tomorrow and a peace that can be ours today? 

Ever feel like a mere robot? As if you are functioning through your days on a program?

I have.

Day by day doing just enough to get by, following the unspoken rules, trying to meet other's expectations, getting done what must, skipping meals (or eating all the cookies) then do it all again day after day. 

No real passion, no hope for change, no real connection. 

My soul was numb for years.

Did it mean I had lost love for my God, others, coffee or chocolate? No. I just felt numb, and sometimes, invisible.

Am I the only one? You neither love your life or hate it, you neither feel loved or loving. You are pretty sure you were meant for something more, but what? How can you keep it all together even though everything is falling apart inside you?! 

Who grows up as a little girl thinking one day I hope my life feels monotonous, robotic and numb?! I missed a mind that dreamed, innocent, trusting faith when steps were quicker, paths straighter, clinched jaws and fists relaxed, betrayal was quickly forgiven, the anxious mind was calmed, a place where all anticipation conquered all exhaustion. 

Where was my hope? Where was my anticipation for glory...

It's amazing how numb we become when we don't feel valued or seen. I believe God created us to live a life of Anticipating Love. 

When our heart becomes numb, we cannot rejoice, for we have no hope for healing or restoration. How do we start to feel again? 

If you find yourself feeling numb, here are some ideas to help you ignite your heart again and live in a space of grace…

• Take a break every day to do something for you. You spend all day serving others, don't forget to serve YOU! It can be as simple as going for a walk.
• Bless someone without it being part of your ministry/responsibility. 
• Read The Word daily with anticipation to fall in love with Him deeper. 
• Worship, with trust and surrender, listening and receiving.
• Speak against the lies of the enemy by speaking truth.
• Get back in touch with your hobbies and interests. You may not be able to actually reengage with it because of life, but find ways you can escape to it to some degree.
• Focus on body-mind-spirit. Strengthen your weaknesses in these areas. He is showing you these numb places so He can breathe life back into them. 
• Get accountability and practice receiving again.

Friend, It's time to ANTICIPATE UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. 

Understand better Who's you are. Live in gratitude. Worship. When you realize how loved you truly are, how seen and heard you are, how cherished and purposed you are...His breath will become yours and you will no longer feel numb. It won’t be overnight but it starts today if you choose it.

Grab a trusted Sister Friend and start today moving fresh anticipation into your heart! 

"And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. 

And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful.

 

Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. 

And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him."

Colossians 3:14-17

Overcoming The Blahs with Blessings

You just can't seem to shake it. That feeling of defeat. The weight in your body pulling you downward. Your legs and arms droop. You have the energy of a sloth. The sun seems too bright for your eyes, your heart feels deflated and your mindfulness escapes you. Blah. That's how you'd respond if someone asked you how you were feeling. I've heard it called Spring Fever, Depression, being in a Slump, having the Blues, etc and the degrees of it range the arc of a rainbow.

There's many factors that contribute to the "blahs" from hormones to life circumstances, immediate or on going. While I think there are obvious times of the year such as holidays and after New Year's we are most susceptible to feeling depressive, it can be a seasonal and random thing for any one of us. 

I am brought to prayer and writing today after seeing a few friends sharing their recent blues. The old saying "Takes one to know one" comes to mind as my heart skips a beat in shared sorrow but also in the desire to encourage. I have been here and have a tendency to be 'blah' too, so how do we break out of the blahs?!

It goes without saying but I will say it in case someone needs it to be said, if you have feelings of great despair, deplete and feel as if you have gotten to the place where death seems like your best option, you must, you must, you must reach out to your Pastor or other clergy in your church, or seek a professional counseling center in your area. This is a pit you will not navigate out alone, and you shouldn't have to. 

You are loved and there are people God has placed in your location and life, for such a time as this, to touch your heart and soul for Him and you are not alone. Reach out and reach up for that Hand. Do not waste another moment, go.

For those days and seasons we walk through the uncalendared season of Blah, what can we do to shake off the blah? Bottom line for me is Worship. Worship wipes out worry and ushers in joy. Worship is the vitamin our heart needs to be healthy. The enemy cannot steal the joy, peace or focus of a woman in deep worship.

What then is worship? According to Webster's Dictionary, worship means,
: to honor or reverence as a divine being or supernatural power 
: to regard with great or extravagant respect, honor, or devotion a celebrity worshipped by her fans
: to perform or take part in worship or an act of worship

Notice it doesn't say worship is something you do for 30 minutes each week at a local church. Worship is not the singing portion of a church service. Yes, we worship the Lord through song and prayer during a corporate gathering, but the act of worship is a lifestyle, a way of thinking and living. It's the intention of the moment or activity. To honor the Lord, to put in action that which is our heart's belief of adoration.

  "And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him." Colossians 3:17

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.

Therefore let us be grateful for receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, and thus let us offer to God acceptable worship, with reverence and awe,  for our God is a consuming fire." Hebrews 12:1-2, 28-29 ESV

Each time we choose to worship over our worry of woes, our spirit refreshes and stirs the embers of Light in your soul. Worry and defeating thoughts pour water on our embers. Depending on how much you are watering your fire, depends on how quickly your Light will burn out. Even a steady drip of water can sizzle out a fire, one drop at a time if nothing else fans that flame. And when that gush pours over you due to a life crisis, how much more you can withstand if your fire was beyond the borders of it's reach. One drop of water can't put out the flares of the sun or diffuse a volcano, but it will put out the flame of a candle.

Now how? How do we worship when we feel blah? In every way: body mind, soul and spirit. 

Spiritually, first and foremost, you must be in The Word of God and not just self-help or fantasy books or blogs. It's easier to read a quick "feel good" about positive thinking but The Word of God is alive and active, diving truth (Hebrews 4:12) which is crucial to your identity, purpose and practicalness. You have an enemy who fears you staying fixed on Jesus and falling deeper in love with Him. 

The enemy seeks to destroy and divide in many ways and defeating thoughts and depression are a few of them. Let God tell you who He is, who you are in Him, the purpose He has for you and how together with Him you will accomplish these things. The spirit intercedes on our behalf when our groans are too great and words escape us. If all you can utter is one thing, say Jesus. There is incredible power in His name alone. Speak it out loud and remind the enemy Who you are seeking and worshiping. 

Emotionally and practically in your day, turn on Christian music whether it be your local radio or online station or Spotify app. During these days, you need the words to proclaim your heart and mind cannot pour out apart from the help of those God has gifted as song writers and worship leaders to draw your heart and mind into active worship through song. Words shape our prayers. 

Watch what you are putting into your body, like sugars, alcohol, drugs, unhealthy foods and energy drinks. I have to be mindful of my diet when I am blah. For a period of time, I had to cut all sugars and focused on cleaner eating and that's not easy when you have loss of appetite and want a warm chocolate chip cookie (or two) or a frozen ice cream as comfort food. Confession between us: I am a Dr Pepper or Southern Sweet Tea Girl paired with some salty hot fries when I need a little comfort food. I don't drink alcohol so these are my Go Tos.

Once you get past the first day or two, it gets easier I promise. Choose wisely and practically. Make some protein shakes that give you a meal's serving and great base for snacks and grab some good salad makings. Don't cheat yourself from good bacon and croutons! If we're gonna be good, let's make it a delicious good! Choose to worship with your bodily choices. Your body is a temple, keep it pure for His breath to fan the flames.

Exercise and/or activity are equally necessary. Believe me, the couch, my blankets and my puppy are the perfect cuddle for comfort. Slipping back under the covers for sleep while may be a temporary escape, and if you genuinely need a nap, take one, but do not sleep your days and nights away. You lose muscle tone and endorphins deplete. 

Whatever (healthy) hobby you enjoy, do it. Grab your paint brush, camera, pet, walking shoes, weights, make up, book, hammer, computer and muster up the energy to determine to "just do it." You will feel so much better, then your next outing ought to be with a friend. Go for a walk, meet for lunch, go sit at the shore. Definitely don't go to the bar or mall, where you can create more problems in your moment of deplete. 

Allow your mind to relax and your heart to receive. 

Laughter truly is contagious and healing. Be honest with your friend and be vulnerable. Share your blah with her and allow her to minister to you through prayer, help and hugs. Since moving to Florida, simply taking in a little salty air for a lunch break or a sunset bless my soul like nothing else these days. I am not a star-gazing girl, but the Lord has brought me outside at night over the past year to gaze at the stars he calls out every single night. It's an amazing thing to be reminded of His consistency. At the end of a tough day, I'll go stand in the middle of my yard and just look up. More than Twinkle Twinkle wishes, it's worshiping the Star Himself.

I cannot tell you how many times over the years pride shut me down but God....He is gracious and merciful to stir in a friend's heart to reach out. Knowing I should say Yes, I do and it is exactly the thing my soul needs. There's a few Sister Friends that just see right through me and know when I need a prayer or a laugh and boy can they bring it in Jesus name. Divine appointments are one God sends to us, for us to receive and return to Him His glory and love. They may be obvious, but maybe it's just a thing He does unseen. This is where faith is. This is where hope anchors us.

There comes a warning in here too, to make sure you don't become self-absorbed and settle into the attention that comes from pity parties. Turn your blah into someone elses blessing. How can you make someone else smile and feel loved today? Who can you serve in Jesus name?

David penned Psalms representing every feel there is known to man from fear to ferocious love. As you read The Word, be sure to include the reading of The Psalms and find passages that express how you feel and know you're not alone in them. But also find Psalms that express your praise and adoration, and hope. I love Psalm 18 and it's my go to (one day I will memorize it) for worshiping in Truth and promise. 

There's so many other things you can research online and find like journaling tips, breathing techniques, foods for boosting mindfulness, and you can do that but my heart encouragement for you is to simply Be still and seek the heart whisper of Jesus. Settle yourself enough to feel yourself inhale Grace. Exhale the blah. With each breath, worship and exhale the words out loud. In the fire, He is with you. In deep waters where your feet no longer reach, He lifts you. He is faithful and near, you can trust Him.

There is power in the beautiful name of Jesus. Exchange your blah for blessings abundant and watch your Light explode for our God is a consuming fire and darkness cannot drown it out! Oh Lord, we praise You Most High as conquerors in Your name. We believe nothing can separate us from Your amazing love as declared in Romans 8. 

Lift our eyes and strengthen our limbs to lean into your hold. Be our shield against the sinful thoughts of this broken world and release the chains that bind us and weight us down that we may be free to move where You lead us. Return to us the joy of our salvation and breath reviving breath back into the lungs of our souls. We are asking, seeking and trusting You, we worship You, Jesus. Praise Your name, in the Name of Jesus, amen and amen.

The Lord Is My Rock and My Fortress

To the choirmaster. A Psalm of David, the servant of the Lord, who addressed the words of this song to the Lord on the day when the Lord rescued him from the hand of all his enemies, and from the hand of Saul. He said:

I love you, O LORD, my strength. 
The LORD is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.  I call upon the LORD, who is worthy to be praised, and I am saved from my enemies. 

 The cords of death encompassed me; the torrents of destruction assailed me; the cords of Sheol entangled me; the snares of death confronted me. 

In my distress I called upon the LORD; to my God I cried for help. From his temple he heard my voice, and my cry to him reached his ears. 

Then the earth reeled and rocked; the foundations also of the mountains trembled and quaked, because he was angry. Smoke went up from his nostrils, and devouring fire from his mouth; glowing coals flamed forth from him. 

He bowed the heavens and came down; thick darkness was under his feet. He rode on a cherub and flew; he came swiftly on the wings of the wind. 

He made darkness his covering, his canopy around him, thick clouds dark with water. Out of the brightness before him hailstones and coals of fire broke through his clouds. 

The LORD also thundered in the heavens, and the Most High uttered his voice, hailstones and coals of fire. And he sent out his arrows and scattered them; he flashed forth lightnings and routed them. Then the channels of the sea were seen, and the foundations of the world were laid bare at your rebuke, O LORD, at the blast of the breath of your nostrils. 

He sent from on high, he took me; he drew me out of many waters. 

He rescued me from my strong enemy and from those who hated me, for they were too mighty for me. 

They confronted me in the day of my calamity, but the LORD was my support. He brought me out into a broad place; he rescued me, because he delighted in me. 

The LORD dealt with me according to my righteousness; according to the cleanness of my hands he rewarded me. For I have kept the ways of the LORD, and have not wickedly departed from my God. 

For all his rules were before me, and his statutes I did not put away from me. I was blameless before him, and I kept myself from my guilt. 

So the LORD has rewarded me according to my righteousness, according to the cleanness of my hands in his sight. 

With the merciful you show yourself merciful; with the blameless man you show yourself blameless; with the purified you show yourself pure; and with the crooked you make yourself seem tortuous. For you save a humble people, but the haughty eyes you bring down. For it is you who light my lamp; the LORD my God lightens my darkness. 

For by you I can run against a troop, and by my God I can leap over a wall. 

This God--his way is perfect;the word of the LORD proves true; he is a shield for all those who take refuge in him. 

For who is God, but the LORD? And who is a rock, except our God?-- the God who equipped me with strength and made my way blameless. He made my feet like the feet of a deer and set me secure on the heights. He trains my hands for war, so that my arms can bend a bow of bronze. 

You have given me the shield of your salvation, and your right hand supported me, and your gentleness made me great. 

You gave a wide place for my steps under me, and my feet did not slip. I pursued my enemies and overtook them, and did not turn back till they were consumed. 

I thrust them through, so that they were not able to rise; they fell under my feet. For you equipped me with strength for the battle; you made those who rise against me sink under me. 

You made my enemies turn their backs to me, and those who hated me I destroyed. 

They cried for help, but there was none to save; they cried to the LORD, but he did not answer them.  I beat them fine as dust before the wind; I cast them out like the mire of the streets. 

You delivered me from strife with the people; you made me the head of the nations; people whom I had not known served me. As soon as they heard of me they obeyed me; foreigners came cringing to me. 

Foreigners lost heart and came trembling out of their fortresses. 

The LORD lives, and blessed be my rock, and exalted be the God of my salvation--  the God who gave me vengeance and subdued peoples under me, 

who delivered me from my enemies; yes, you exalted me above those who rose against me; you rescued me from the man of violence. 

For this I will praise you, O LORD, among the nations, and sing to your name. 

Great salvation he brings to his king, and shows steadfast love to his anointed, to David and his offspring forever. Psalm 18

Resurrected Life

Praising His Breath in Honduras 2010 

"Filled with wonder awestruck wonder

At the mention of Your name

Jesus Your name is power, breath and living water

Such a marvelous mystery"

Revelation. One of my favorite songs of worship. Our church sang it's anthem of praise this morning in worship. It wasn't until 2008-2009 I understood what "awestruck wonder" meant and what it felt like. 

I mean, my husband and I welcomed four beautiful bundles fresh from Heaven and they each took our breath away, first from the physical pain (totally) and then from the awed wonder of looking upon these fresh souls from Heaven.

But there's another wonder that touches the deepest part of my soul, a marvelous "awestruck wonder" only Heaven Himself could be. "At the mention of Your Name Jesus, Your Name is power, breath and living water. Such a marvelous mystery!!" The Name of Jesus...the gasp of my soul.

When the panic attacks flooded my body beginning in December 2008, they literally took away my breath. Sharp pains flashed through my chest and left arm, my depressed lungs held captive by the pain, my heart creating it's own tempo. My world closed in while thoughts spun around at the outer edge of my conscience. The deepest part of me was raging, attempting to process this sudden crisis, looking for the way out. 

As the wave of panic and adrenaline would begin to swell up from my mid-stomach like the contraction of a laboring new Mother, rising into my lungs, suffocating my breath, heart fluttering in terror, my body became paralyzed from movement. I spun but the world was too.

Lifting my right hand over my heart, I calmly yet desperately inhaled a deep breath, and patted firmly on my chest, speaking words of worship in the weakest of voice, proclaiming to My God and my enemy Who and Where my Help was coming from, Who I trusted to save me and give me my breath of life back. Often the only words I could utter were "Be still my soul, be still." These lyrics come from a beautiful song Kari Jobe recorded. You can listen to it (click here.) 

With a spirit that grew into worshipful surrender, I learned to breath through the random, painful contractions of my body and mind, leaning into The One Who sustained every exhale of my shallow breaths. 

This may be the very season the Lord removed from me the desire for alcohol (calling me into a commitment of abstinence in 1994) so many years ago, for this season may have been a time to escape with it. Instead, I had my Jesus and beautiful oils to aid my mind and heart, and prayer. 

He held me one breath at a time as I surrendered in worship, trust and patience. Having been through four childbirths, I understood the importance of relaxing and breathing through these pain-filled, overwhelming minutes, seeming to have no end or repreave, until it simply did. 

I would sit there, wiping away the secret tears caught in the hands of my Savior, quietly regrouping myself there on the couch, in the car, at the store, at a friends house, even at church on a pew, only sometimes to encounter another soon after. The exhaustion was intense and sudden, as if a burst of energy had me running down the street yet I was seated. 

They were random and unpredictable, and private. I excused myself to escape embarrassment or shame, mostly the attention of something being wrong. I barely handled the truth of my situation, how could I have possibly exposed this fear to another only to have no words to explain it and no real way for them to stop it for me?! 

Confusion and pride helped me escape attention. I got busy and had a bigger smile each time. If I was pacing, I was panicking. But to anyone watching, I was a good helper and great cleaner!! All my mind could think was "This is the end of you and your encouragement ministry, children's and women's ministry. You're done." 

Panic turned to depression each day the attacks rolled through. I not only had to process losing my circumstantial control and identity, but my hopeful one day ministry. I grieved daily. The more I fought against it, the more the anxiety and sadness consumed my soul.

2008

As a Mother soothes her scared or hurting crying baby, gently but firmly patting them on their back, I sought and found the same rescue of my Abba Father over me as my heart and soul cried out for a deep need of rescue. 

Most often in trembling breath, the whisper of His Name, Jesus, was all I could utter. His Name was a soothing balm over my deepest, freshest wound.

My Help and Rescue, my resurrected soul redeemed by Awestruck Wonder and Grace breathed in and out. 

How beautiful and powerful the mention of His Name, Jesus, who is Power, Breath and Living Water, such a marvelous Mystery. 

Awestruck Wonder believed upon, hoped for and trusted. The more I surrendered into His hold, the less I fretted and feared. I had to trust Him to be Who He said He was. He was and is faithful. 

Thankfully, the Lord knew I what I needed even though I didn't want it, I needed His tangible touch. He had already given me a wonderful family even though they were grieving for me too. God sent me trustworthy Sisters in Christ who committed to pray over me, being my strength and focus when I had none. Sometimes the physical strength of those hugs compressed my chest enough to diffuse my trembling heart. 

He synced me with Love poured out and embraced. 

 
This is how Where Faith Is was born. I was terrified of the fear of judgement from others, yet I knew the Lord has asked me to let this be my missional ministry, to care more about not displaying the Glory of The Cross than my own glory/reputation being destroyed. 

I didn't even have words capable, but the Lord, one typed out keyword at a time, one post at a time, one blog at a time, poured out through the screen. Women began reaching out to me secretly sharing they were experiencing the same thing and were so scared. 

One by one the ministry of encouragement took root and spread. The once Professional Mask Wearing Overthinking Fearful Perfectionist who was afraid to disappoint her Savior, learned how to peel it off one thin layer at a time, to the glory of God alone. First through the screen and now whenever I have the opportunity to share, I will. 

Honestly, it's not always easy, it's a thorn in my flesh the enemy tries to press in and make me twinge but I immediately praise the Lord of Wonder there is no sting in death and remind him Who has me.

God is my All in All and He can be yours too, if you believe. Because of the Cross, because of the Grave, because He rose again on the 3rd day, you have Victory in Jesus' Name! Praise the Lord!!
Here on Resurrection Week, I am reminded of the even greater pain endured by my Sweet Savior. His suffering on all of our behalves, Why would He? How could He? Love is the answer. I am awestruck at the Grace Breath of God Who takes away the sins of the world, redeems and heals, restores and refreshes, oh Mighty is He!

 
Resurrection Week, for me, not only celebrates the awestruck wonder that God resurrected my soul from the grave, first with my Salvation, but once again in April 2009, gifting me Life every single day when I thought there was none left in me, but cherishes, adores, worships the very One Who gave His everything, blood poured out, setting straight the narrow path to Peace and Everlasting Life, here and forever more, once and for all. He is Lord. He is Father. He is King. He is mine!! And I am His! This is the mission fuel for living life and doing ministry in His name. Jesus, Faithful Friend and Father. Amen.

My LIFE BREATH Today

Friend, no matter what you are facing today, even when there are no words falling off your lips, or thoughts to utter, may you find the strength to call upon the Name of Jesus and not be overcome by fear and shame, but rather overwhelmed in awestruck wonder at the mention of His Powerful and Mighty Name...Jesus. 

Open your hands and heart to His Healing grace and believe He is with you. He will calm your raging seas. Trust He holds your every moment. Be patient and embrace the awestruck wonder of His Mighty Name. He very much is your Breath and your Refuge in the storms and valleys and in the deepest pits. Rest in His care and inhale the wonder and majesty of Healing Grace. You are not alone. Nothing is impossible for Him. Be still and be held. 

The joy of the Lord will be your strength. In the Name of Jesus we praise in Word and worshiping song and dance, amen and amen.

"Hear my cry, O God, listen to my prayer; from the end of the earth I call to you when my heart is faint. Lead me to the rock that is higher than I, for you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the enemy. Let me dwell in your tent forever! Let me take refuge under the shelter of your wings!" Psalm 61:1-4 ESV

"I will bless the LORD at all times; his praise shall continually be in my mouth. My soul makes its boast in the LORD; let the humble hear and be glad. Oh, magnify the LORD with me, and let us exalt his name together! I sought the LORD, and he answered me and delivered me from all my fears. 

Those who look to him are radiant, and their faces shall never be ashamed. This poor man cried, and the LORD heard him and saved him out of all his troubles. The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear him, and delivers them. 

Oh, taste and see that the LORD is good! Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him! When the righteous cry for help, the LORD hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.

Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the LORD delivers him out of them all." Psalm 34:1-8, 17-19 ESV

Light in the darkness

Sometimes it takes more than a deep breath to ease ourselves in the midst of a panic moment. Those moments when you feel your world tremble, the rug being yanked out beneath you, the stab of betrayal, the punch of loss, pain of illness, the closing in of fear, worry and anxiety, and the unknowns. Mounted ontop of an already scary and evil world we live in. This is still one nation Under God, for the sheer fact He is above us. But we certainly do seem to live or build our country this way. Then again, evil has always been at work and God has always been on the Throne, so some things haven't changed except the date and the route.
I have suffered with anxiety and panic since I was a young girl, terrified of the boogie man and harm coming to me from someone in my community. My parents were involved with Crime Prevention so these were real concerns to a little girl. I heard about all the "stuff" going on in my community and it was frightening. Even in school, I was afraid of being an innocent by-stander getting caught in the midst of evil. These awareness and lack of confidence for a shy and insecure girl often shook my world in tangible ways. My body turned cold, shivering head to toe. 
As I grew older, the fearful attacks grew less and yet I have always lived a life "looking over my shoulder" and always wondering "what if....!" In 2008 when I walked into the darkness of panic and anxiety attacks, my world earthquaked and knocked me off my feet where I fell flat on my face, thankfully right at the feet of Christ my Savior. It was an intense, frightening journey but in the midst of this fire, God refined me. My heart, mind, soul and spirit we reshaped. He showed me how to have Light in the midst of darkness. Of course, being a Google-Everything kind of person, I had immediately begun researching "panic attacks" to learn what to do to stop them. There are so many books and techniques, I studied day and night looking for answers. I made a list that quickly ran dry as I crossed off what didn't work for me. 
Well meaning friends would simply say Just pray or Give it to God, only it wasn't and isn't that simple. There had never been a time I cried and believed as desperately as I was in those moments. This is why I blog my journey. Unless you've been through it, others can't fully understand what it is like or what it takes to get through it breath by breath and moment by moment. This is true of any situation of loss, illness, pain any of us face. Our solution is the same no matter what ails us. Our solution is our Savior!
So, how do you conquer feeling overwhelmed, scared, panicked, worrisome, constantly fearing the next attack, wondering what you had done wrong, wondering what you were missing in your walk with the Lord, wondering why God had allowed this, wondering why it wasn't stopping after every desperate pleaing prayer. How do you comprehend another day living like this. 
It was here in this darkness I learned the Light of Grace, the Light of Hope, the Light of Praise, the Light of Love. All these years I begged and prayed, cried and feared. Finally, Light. "Your Word is lamp to my feet and a light to my path. Psalm 119:105" Our only hope is God. Our only rescue is the Blood of Christ. Our only strength is the Holy Spirit within the Believer, leading us towards the Prince of Peace, the Great I Am, our Redeemer, our King. 
If you or a loved one are suffering attacks of any kind in your life and you feel closed in by darkness, may I have the privilege to share with you a few the practical things I did that allowed Light in.... 
~Know you are greatly and dearly loved by God, even if you don't feel loved, you must accept the truth that you are by The God of this universe. Love conquers.
Read Romans 8.
~Saturate yourself in The Word and meditate on Truth, opposing all lies of the evil one. I admit that my first GoTo was Google, not God. It was Tips vs Transformation. I wanted transformation. 
Read Psalm 119.
~Write out Scriptures to keep with you in your pocket or purse. I made laminated Scripture cards for my keychain so I had quick access and could hold them in my hand when I prayed in those moments pulling out the Big Study Bible wasn't practical.
Read Deuteronomy 6.  
~Breath deep. Inhale Grace as you exhale fear, worry, pain, insecurity. You can feel it leaving you, especially when you are allowing it to be a Grace Breath. It will settle your body physically, emotionally and spiritually. 
Read 2 Corinthians 12. 
~Seek Intercessors to pray with and for you. While we are all instructed to pray, God has placed a special call on some Believers to be Prayer Warriors. These people stand tall, strong and firm against the realm we often forget about. They are girded up and ready to fight. Humble yourself and ask them to fight for you. Ask them to lay hands on you and pray over you. Ask them to remember you in prayer. Meanwhile, pray for them to remain faithful and strong as they fight on your behalf. They are putting themselves in the line of direct fire so they certainly need your cover too. 
~Praise everywhere, at all times. Peace is ushered in by praise. Rest in worship. Let it be part of your new nature to seek Him first, above the worry, through the stabbing pain. Inahle Grace and praise Him for never leaving you or forsaking you and loving you like no one else possibly can. Count your blessings and receive the peace that surpasses all understanding. I have always been a glass half full kind of girl, but to worship from a desperate and hoping and trusting heart is beyond mere pleasantries. 
Read Philippians 4.
~Seek help from Christian counselors. Sometimes we need more than we can give ourselves. Do what you need to do to be led by someone who knows your struggle. You are not alone in your struggle.
Thank you for letting me share my journey with you. I pray these words of mine encourage you to seek The real Words that heal and transform, to the Light of Grace and Love that saves you. Stay strong!!!! 

"Greater is He who is in you than he who is in the world." 1 John 4:4

Honduras, 2009

Why are you doing what you do?

The younger two kids came home all hyped up with GREAT news!!! It was the new fundraiser for the school...cookie dough! While I am all about the fundraisers, there is only so much a person can do asking the neighbors and especially within our own budget of giving. They ran in the door off the bus and digging out their packets of info,  they could barely contain themselves telling me about all the prizes they could win, "Mom!!! If we ONLY SELL 15 of them, we get....." To their disappointment, I told them the previous 2 fundraisers and the little prizes they earned last time were all that we could do this time. "But Moooommmm, we could (get this toy) and (that)." I asked what the money was for and neither of them knew. In all their excitement to sell, they didn't even know what for. I am assuming it is for the track which is so badly needed!! 
Needless to say, they were quite angry with me that they wouldn't be able to get their prizes. It had nothing to do with not getting a new track which even at their age, they know they need because they run on it every day and it's in bad shape. They had been so pumped up by the school rally to earn prizes, that was their only focus...the prizes. They were motivated by selfish gain.
Now, I am all about prizes and earning rewards. But... are we being conditioned to see the personal gain rather than the central purpose for which we are striving? Do we have to be bribed to work/serve/give? Why not hype the kids up to the realization of a new track!?! Are we all hyped up for the prizes without even knowing what we are striving for?!? I wonder if we do the same thing at church? We talk so much about what God can do for you, the Peace He offers, the Comfort He gives, the Protection and Refuge for the weary, the Strength in our weaknesses that we don't even show them Who He is. 
Are we so hyped up about our "prizes" that we miss what the prizes resulted from? Our track?! Our God! Do we know it's ultimately about the "track" being built and not our personal gain? Are we just "selling" Jesus to get our prize? Yes, how precious and gracious is He that the Lord blesses as a result of our obedience and surrender to Him (what joy and privilege) but I wonder if we too often focus on the blessings and not the Blessed? 
Is my worship about how it makes me feel or is it about how it makes the Lord feel? 
Do I choose daily to walk with Him and serve Him so I can win the Fruit Basket? 
Am I sacrificially serving for the Kingdom growth? 
Am I so conditioned to "get" that I am not focused on The Giver? 
Whose kingdom am I striving to enrich? Mine or Christ's?  
God really made me stop this morning to think of the root of all my doings and how I am conditioning myself and my kids and others...am I hyped up "selling" the Blessings or The Blessed?
Our children should obey and honor, not because they will get a Treasure Box goodie if they do but because they love God first.
We should worship God with all our heart, mind and soul, not because it feels good or that we are supposed to but because it blesses Him to receiver our worship and praise out of our pure love and devotion to Him.
We should go to church and serve not because we will look good in the sight of man, but because we get to learn and love while planting seeds as the hands and feet of Jesus.
We go to church to be with the Body functioning together to serve God, not play games and publish grand numbers or earn a reputation.
We love God, because He first loved us, not because of the riches He gives to those who love Him.
I give God my heart, not because He can make it bigger, but because it is by His grace I even have life. 
We love others, not because it gives us more friends but because out of our love for God, we can't help but love others.
I want my marriage to be strong not because it makes life easier or makes us happier, but because we are a reflection of The Gospel.
Love love, not gain. 
I want my children to serve out of love, not gain.
I want to serve my husband out of love, not gain.
I want to serve my church and others out love, not gain.
I want to serve my God out of love, and not gain. 
All the blessings in the world, all the prizes that can be won, all the effort we spend working towards these gain, I wonder if we will ever see the track for which we worked so hard for or will we continually be off somewhere playing with all our toys, looking for more? Instead, may we be so focused on The Track that we don't count anything gain except for the "Track" being built.

Father God, You are my greatest love and blessing. Help me resist the temptation to see all Your goodness only to strive for Your prizes/blessings. I confess there are times I get hyped up at all Your offering and prizes that I completely miss The Offering of You. It is my heart's desire to worship You, The Blessed, and not Your blessings. God, I want all that I am and all that I do to be about You. I must decrease so You can increase. The gift of Your Son truly is our greatest treasure. How thankful I am for Your sweet Love and Blessings from the immeasurable riches You own, but God, I want You more than I want more stuff. With You, I have my Peace and Strength and Hope. Nothing can compare to the treasure of You. It is You that saved me from the pit. It is Your Love Offering that took on all my sins. Lord God, help me keep my eyes fixed on Your "track" that all my life will be about You as the ultimate end of my striving, not of any selfish gain. For You alone are worthy, all glory and honor is for You. For Your Name's sake, amen.

"Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." 

Matthew 6:19-21

"Make a joyful noise to the LORD, all the earth! Serve the LORD with gladness! Come into His presence with singing! Know that the LORD, He is God! It is He who made us, and we are His;we are His people, and the sheep of His pasture. Enter His gates with thanksgiving, and His courts with praise! Give thanks to Him; bless His name! For the LORD is good; His steadfast love endures forever, and His faithfulness to all generations." 

Psalm 100  

"But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you." 

Matthew 6:33