Light in the darkness

Sometimes it takes more than a deep breath to ease ourselves in the midst of a panic moment. Those moments when you feel your world tremble, the rug being yanked out beneath you, the stab of betrayal, the punch of loss, pain of illness, the closing in of fear, worry and anxiety, and the unknowns. Mounted ontop of an already scary and evil world we live in. This is still one nation Under God, for the sheer fact He is above us. But we certainly do seem to live or build our country this way. Then again, evil has always been at work and God has always been on the Throne, so some things haven't changed except the date and the route.
I have suffered with anxiety and panic since I was a young girl, terrified of the boogie man and harm coming to me from someone in my community. My parents were involved with Crime Prevention so these were real concerns to a little girl. I heard about all the "stuff" going on in my community and it was frightening. Even in school, I was afraid of being an innocent by-stander getting caught in the midst of evil. These awareness and lack of confidence for a shy and insecure girl often shook my world in tangible ways. My body turned cold, shivering head to toe. 
As I grew older, the fearful attacks grew less and yet I have always lived a life "looking over my shoulder" and always wondering "what if....!" In 2008 when I walked into the darkness of panic and anxiety attacks, my world earthquaked and knocked me off my feet where I fell flat on my face, thankfully right at the feet of Christ my Savior. It was an intense, frightening journey but in the midst of this fire, God refined me. My heart, mind, soul and spirit we reshaped. He showed me how to have Light in the midst of darkness. Of course, being a Google-Everything kind of person, I had immediately begun researching "panic attacks" to learn what to do to stop them. There are so many books and techniques, I studied day and night looking for answers. I made a list that quickly ran dry as I crossed off what didn't work for me. 
Well meaning friends would simply say Just pray or Give it to God, only it wasn't and isn't that simple. There had never been a time I cried and believed as desperately as I was in those moments. This is why I blog my journey. Unless you've been through it, others can't fully understand what it is like or what it takes to get through it breath by breath and moment by moment. This is true of any situation of loss, illness, pain any of us face. Our solution is the same no matter what ails us. Our solution is our Savior!
So, how do you conquer feeling overwhelmed, scared, panicked, worrisome, constantly fearing the next attack, wondering what you had done wrong, wondering what you were missing in your walk with the Lord, wondering why God had allowed this, wondering why it wasn't stopping after every desperate pleaing prayer. How do you comprehend another day living like this. 
It was here in this darkness I learned the Light of Grace, the Light of Hope, the Light of Praise, the Light of Love. All these years I begged and prayed, cried and feared. Finally, Light. "Your Word is lamp to my feet and a light to my path. Psalm 119:105" Our only hope is God. Our only rescue is the Blood of Christ. Our only strength is the Holy Spirit within the Believer, leading us towards the Prince of Peace, the Great I Am, our Redeemer, our King. 
If you or a loved one are suffering attacks of any kind in your life and you feel closed in by darkness, may I have the privilege to share with you a few the practical things I did that allowed Light in.... 
~Know you are greatly and dearly loved by God, even if you don't feel loved, you must accept the truth that you are by The God of this universe. Love conquers.
Read Romans 8.
~Saturate yourself in The Word and meditate on Truth, opposing all lies of the evil one. I admit that my first GoTo was Google, not God. It was Tips vs Transformation. I wanted transformation. 
Read Psalm 119.
~Write out Scriptures to keep with you in your pocket or purse. I made laminated Scripture cards for my keychain so I had quick access and could hold them in my hand when I prayed in those moments pulling out the Big Study Bible wasn't practical.
Read Deuteronomy 6.  
~Breath deep. Inhale Grace as you exhale fear, worry, pain, insecurity. You can feel it leaving you, especially when you are allowing it to be a Grace Breath. It will settle your body physically, emotionally and spiritually. 
Read 2 Corinthians 12. 
~Seek Intercessors to pray with and for you. While we are all instructed to pray, God has placed a special call on some Believers to be Prayer Warriors. These people stand tall, strong and firm against the realm we often forget about. They are girded up and ready to fight. Humble yourself and ask them to fight for you. Ask them to lay hands on you and pray over you. Ask them to remember you in prayer. Meanwhile, pray for them to remain faithful and strong as they fight on your behalf. They are putting themselves in the line of direct fire so they certainly need your cover too. 
~Praise everywhere, at all times. Peace is ushered in by praise. Rest in worship. Let it be part of your new nature to seek Him first, above the worry, through the stabbing pain. Inahle Grace and praise Him for never leaving you or forsaking you and loving you like no one else possibly can. Count your blessings and receive the peace that surpasses all understanding. I have always been a glass half full kind of girl, but to worship from a desperate and hoping and trusting heart is beyond mere pleasantries. 
Read Philippians 4.
~Seek help from Christian counselors. Sometimes we need more than we can give ourselves. Do what you need to do to be led by someone who knows your struggle. You are not alone in your struggle.
Thank you for letting me share my journey with you. I pray these words of mine encourage you to seek The real Words that heal and transform, to the Light of Grace and Love that saves you. Stay strong!!!! 

"Greater is He who is in you than he who is in the world." 1 John 4:4

Honduras, 2009

Anxiety in the Storm

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7 (ESV)

Today, the storm clouds have rolled in!! While the rains are a much welcomed sight and sound, however, the flooding and havoc that comes with it are not! Thankfully, I was able to wrap up my outside "doings" this morning before the clouds released their bucket loads!
As much as I was inconvenienced by the rains, the end result was worth it. God promised to care for His creation, His grounds and creatures, and of course, so much more importantly, His people. Matthew 6 tells us to "Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?"  
God tells us not to be anxious, because He knows that we will be anxious at the onset of storms or trials. When storms approach, while we acknowledge they are there, how we respond to them is important. We can stand in fear and worry or we can take shelter and wait. Some storms are just plain out frightening! Lightening and strong winds certainly get my heart rate going as I rush around closing windows and gathering kids and pets to the indoors safely. But once inside, I don't need to be so frazzled. I have done all I can do to prepare and simply need to wait it out. 
"But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. "Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." Matthew 6:33-34 (ESV)
The times I seem to get the most anxious are when I am alone in the house, my husband may be gone or the kids are already asleep, and there I sit frazzled, on edge attempting to remain calm and alert without totally freaking out at the crack of lightening just outside my window and winds tossing my outdoor furniture around as if it was made of paper. It is scary to be alone in a Texas storm! This is also true when "other" storms come into my life that leave me drenched by "rain and strong winds" of heart and soul. Some can be seen from the "radar" but so many come without warning. All of a sudden, winds knock us over leaving us frazzled and afraid, seeking shelter through the storms. These are as real as a real storm. Winds push against me, waters surround me and my thoughts drenched by fear and worry. Where is my Shelter? How long will this storm last? 
While Jesus is our Ultimate Umbrella and Shelter, our Rescue and Refuge, He gives us spiritually strong people to wait out the storms with us under their umbrellas. What a beautiful sight to see someone coming towards you with an umbrella, rain boots, jacket and a hot cup of coffee! Their presence and help brings comfort and peace to a drenched and weary soul. What a comfort knowing you are not alone in your storm. In rare cases, when you find yourself caught in the middle of a (private) storm and no one else knows, you can be sure Our Sweet Lord and Savior is with you. He sees you. He will protect you. He will care for you. 
Next time you find yourself in a storm, look for nearby umbrellas, as you run to the shelter of His Word. His arms are open wide and His shield will be your comfort.

"For it is You who light my lamp; the LORD my God lightens my darkness. 

For by you I can run against a troop, and by my God I can leap over a wall. 

This God--His way is perfect; the Word of the LORD proves true; He is a shield for all those who take refuge in Him. 

For who is God, but the LORD? And who is a rock, except our God?-- 

the God who equipped me with strength and made my way blameless. 

He made my feet like the feet of a deer and set me secure on the heights.

 He trains my hands for war, so that my arms can bend a bow of bronze. 

You have given me the shield of your salvation, and Your right hand supported me, and Your gentleness made me great. 

You gave a wide place for my steps under me, and my feet did not slip." Psalm 18:28-36

"And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age." 
Matthew 28:20b (ESV)

"I rejoiced in the Lord greatly that now at length you have revived your concern for me. You were indeed concerned for me, but you had no opportunity. Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through Him who strengthens me. Yet it was kind of you to share my trouble." Philippians 4:10-14 (ESV)

Thank You Lord for your steadfast Love and Your faithfulness to shelter us, provide for us, and care for us. Thank You for the Sun, and the Storms. Help us trust You and wait. Thank You for Your Umbrella and those you send our way with umbrellas of Faith to stand with us in our storm. You are a gracious God and loving Abba Father. Bless Your Name, amen.