Leading by Example

The kids asked for a new app this week that is similar to the Guitar Hero video game where the goal is to simply click on the moving notes as the game played it's melody for you. The songs it plays however are the classics such as Beethoven and Mozart pieces. Of course, the kids are not well rehearsed in classical music and have no idea what the melody is. It was sad to me that they didn't know the beauty these notes held when played according to their intended rhythm and placement. It was also very annoying to hear what seemed like a Banging on the Keyboard-Garage Band version of such beautiful songs. 
I couldn't stand listening to it anymore and in my Mommy Teaching Mode, I headed straight to ITunes and pulled each song up for them to listen to. They could hear the original song, the way it was intended to be played. These composeers were intentional in their harmonies, setting each note in perfect unity and harmony, creating what in the end was a glorious melody. The only way my kids could have know how to play the songs correctly, is  if they knew the original. They must know the example before they could be expected to copy it. Otherwise, there are only going to copy copies.
God reminded me that this is why it is important to be aware of my life's example in. I don't live my life in fear of or to please another, but we are to be Light and Salt to a watching world. It's on thing to tell our kids about loving and serving others, and actually showing them what it looks like. It's one thing to explain worship and another to display it. We can talk all day about making right choices and using wisdom and discernment, walking in grace, offering help and hospitality, showing compassion, forgiving others but until we show it, they won't know it. But, I fail often at doing all that well. 
God knew we'd need a tangible example and that is why He sent us His Son. We all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God, and that is why we were given the gift of Christ Jesus, to dwell among us and teach us, showing us, start to earthly finish to the forever eternal life, our original example. Following Him, we can taste and see that the Lord is good. We understand the original value of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control, forgiveness, surrender, trust, hope, faith, wisdom, and honor.
Through His birth, life and death, we can know what The Creator of Life intended for His creation. He is our ultimate example on living life to the glory of our Father. He taught us how to love one another, turn darkness into light, surrender and trust, reflect God's heart to the broken-hearted. He taught us by showing us. We identify ourselves as being like Him when we say we are Christian, but are we representing the original well? Are we a beautiful melody or are we just making noise? I pray that we are found at least making a joyful noise on days our pitch is off!! 
How humbling and strengthening to know this imperfect girl has been intentionally placed with a specific value, to a glorious, original, masterpiece, with a specific note, volume, and duration. We will only know that value when we listen to the Composer's original. This is why spending time in His presence is crucial. We must be seeking Him in His Word. Otherwise, who's example will you follow? Who's song will you be singing? Who will you be in harmony with? 

Thank You God for Your written Word given to us as our reference guide. Thank You for Your Holy Spirit that dwells in the Believer to lead us into harmony and unity with You. Teach us our value in Your masterpiece. Temper us into You perfect rhythm and sync us to Your heart that our life may be a pleasing sound of worship for You. Cleanse our hearts from clanging noise and reveal the sound of Your voice with clarity and precision. May we be found faithful to lead others well as we follow You. Thank You for those You have placed in our life that stand strong for You. They are such a sweet song to our soul. Keep us instep with You Lord God and forgive us when we just bang around on the keyboard of life and make annoying sounds. It is our heart's desire to worship You with purity, making a beautiful and pleasing sound in Your ears. May our life be a glorious melody of praise for You! Thank You for gifting us Your Perfect Son, who walked among us teaching us by Word and by revelation. We especially celebrate His birth and the Gift He is to us during this Christmas season. Jesus is the very reason for this season of giving! Thank You Lord! Blessed be Your Holy, perfect Name, amen.

A Pace Setter

 I confess. At first, it annoyed me. Coming from the big city outlined with freeways 4 lanes wide where vehicles took the speed limits as bare MINIMUMS, driving through a small town with only 1 lane in either direction...where everyone went the EXACT speed as was posted, was annoying to say the least. And it didn't matter that we gave them a little "push" as we stared into their mirrors and closed in the space gap between our car and theirs. They didn't budge. 
These cars held their place, at their pace, which happened to be the right pace, a seemingly sloooooooow 40mph through most of the highway, so it felt. Until we moved here and the seemingly sloooooooow one lane highway was now our highway. 
In our little town, there are hardly any traffic lights which means it takes great precision and caution to get across the mostly steady flow of vehicles. School buses and city buses make their stops along this small town highway. We must be careful and curtious traveling through town being aware of pedestrians, animals (iguanas, peacocks, ducks, Key Deer to name a few) and other vehicles trying to make their way to the other side. 
40mph still seems too slow whenever I am running late (that hardly ever happens, lol) and when it is the time of day when there aren't many cars out and the open road is vast...you wanna go fast. But, there are also times when the 40mph seem too fast during high traffic times. Funny, now I find myself annoyed because people are pushing me to go faster. Oh how the tables can turn! 
Now that this small town is my small town, I am thankful for those who have held their place and held their pace. I know just as the big city drivers attempting to "push" their way through have had their patience tested (I can testify to that truth), so has the patience of the locals (I can also now testy to that as truth!) been tested. Now as a local resident, I know the roads, I know the community, I know the cautions to be heeded, and that is why I will hold my place, and my pace. We, the locals, are the pace setters for this community. We wisely hold our place and our pace, because it is for the common good. "One who is wise is cautious and turns away from evil, but a fool is reckless and careless." Proverbs 14:16
I believe God instructs us throughout Scriptures to be Pace Setters. "Show yourself in all respects to be a model of good works, and in your teaching show integrity, dignity, and sound speech that cannot be condemned, so that an opponent may be put to shame, having nothing evil to say about us." Titus 2:7-8 He tells us to be wise, guard our ways, encourage one another and sharpen one another, mentor and teach the younger generations His Ways. God sent Jesus as our Pace Setter. He shows us The right Way, Romans 8:28, for the good of those who love Him. He held His place, and went His pace. 
As we mature in our faith (just as in life), our understandings, knowledge, and history strengthen our faith, our beliefs and our resolve. Wisdom is our hope, setting our place and pace in this life. Wisdom lays foundations which are thicker, roots that are deeper and faith without boundaries. We are not as easily "pushed" around, tossed to and fro.
"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9
Bless the "local" Pace Setters in this world! The ones who bless our lives with accountability, teaching us and mentoring us in The Word. Those who step out and speak out in faith daily, walking in a way that is pleasing to God, and not man. Bless those who are strong and courageous in this life. They seem so few and far between. Some of us are trying to find our place but have no pace, and some of us have a steady pace but in the wrong place. Oh, to be in the right place, at the right pace, to steady a shaking world, to keep things moving in one direction when everyone else is trying so hard to get around you. Don't you wish you could be a Pace Setter too?!? For the glory of God?!? I can't help but think, as a Christ Follower, aren't we all called to be a Pace Setter, for the good of our "community" in a watching world...and for each other, as iron sharpens iron?

Lord my God, You are the King of kings, our Righteous Ruler and Ultimate Authority over all things, people and principalities. I praise Your Holy Name. Thank You God for the example of Your Son, Christ Our Lord, as The Ultimate Pace Setter in this world. May we too be found as Your faithful followers, and leaders, Lights in the darkness and Salt of the earth. Keep us strong Holy Spirit, leading us in the Way of righteousness for Your Name's sake. Lead us away from temptation to conform into this dying world and renew a right and clean heart of endurance and strength within us. Be our Shield and Shepherd against the folly of evil one as he seeks to turn us away from You. Give us wisdom as we seek Your face through faith as we grow in knowing You personally. Guard our thoughts and steady our resolve. Set our place. Set our pace.
Thank You Lord for those who have boldly and courageously chosen to be a Pace Setter in Your Name, to show us our place at The Cross and teach us the pace of Your Spirit. Those who stand as one of Your "locals" and hold their place at The Cross, moving at the pace of the Holy Spirit. Bless them and use them to teach those of us who desire to be stronger and more courageous, for we believe You are with us wherever we go and it is our desire to walk in a way that brings honor to You. Forgive us when we get out of pace with You, or when we choose selfish ways. Our Rock, our Redeemer, our Refuge and Resolve, our place is with You. Strength and quicken our pace with Yours, amen.

Knowing When to U-Turn

It looked like the perfect time to go. The guys loaded up their gear and prepared the boat for a trip out to sea. The water looked clear and calm. They had all their gear filled and ready. Everything was a go! They gave us their boat plan and we waved them off.
Usually when Daddy and the big boys go out on the boat, I plan something to do with the little two. We had decided to play at home this time. Only, to our surprise, the big boat pulled back into the dock. My first thoughts are always "What is wrong?!?" when plans suddenly change, so I ran out on the porch to see what was wrong...everything had seemed ready to go just a few minutes previous. Well, the waters were not as they seemed and were too rough, so they did a u-turn and came home. It's not what they wanted to do, but what they needed to do...and that was to wait.
I think of all the times God prepares us and gets us ready for something and we think it's Go Time and we rush out and go...only to discover the waters weren't quit ready enough. How many times do I too quickly say Yes to doing something, even if it is something God is preparing me for, and I have everything ready to go and yet the waters weren't ready yet? I had not waited to make sure everything was ready, even though I was. We get so easily wrapped up in ourselves thinking "I am ready and I can do this" only to find out it was not Go Time.
Wisdom and self-control u-turn us and brings us back home when we find ourselves headed into rough waters. Foolishness says, "I don't want to wait, I can do this anyway." The boys could have continued out into the rough waters. It would have been what they had prepared for and wanted, but it would not have been wise. They would have put themselves at risk, and possibly others. Instead, they used their discernment and made the wiser decision to return to refuge and wait for the waters to also be ready. They were prepared and ready, (and eager I might add), yet the waters were not.
Some lessons are learned the hard way, and they had previously had to learn this lesson the hard way. Thank God no one was hurt and all the guys returned home safely, but they took a gamble at being able to manage the high seas one afternoon. Swells began to come over the buoyed boat with 2 divers in the water and one left to Captain the boat. The Captain became terrified as the dark clouds rolled in with waves growing in strength and numbers knowing that there was no way to get to the guys below and warn them of the approaching storm. Neither could he leave and return to safety. When the divers surfaced, the swells and rains were so thick, they could not find the boat right away. That was frightening. At the same moment, all 3 people on the water were in fear and in danger, all because they thought they could handle it. A lesson learned the hard way. 
As we live on mission for God, may we always be prepared and ready to go out into the waters, and act wisely, discerning and exercising self-control to know when the right time to go is. May we never go out foolishly or selfishly, but wisely and timely. 

"And it is my prayer that your love may abound more and more, with knowledge and all discernment, so that you may approve what is excellent, and so be pure and blameless for the day of Christ,  filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God." 

Philippines 1:9-11

God, we know that you are continually shaping us and preparing us to walk in obedience to the call you have placed in our lives. We pray for discernment of when we need to step out of the boat by faith and when we need to rest at the shore as you prepare the waters for our journey out. May we never allow our eagerness and zealous hearts to jump out ahead of Your divine appointment and cause us to miss it or make a mess of it. We acknowledge that Your ways are not our ways and we rest trusting in Your perfect timing in our lives. Holy Spirit, lead us to the path of peace and righteousness for Your Name's sake. May our foot steps along the journey lead us beside the still waters which You have prepared. Thank You for Your forgiveness and mercy when we forge ahead. And Lord, when we go, as we go, we pray a hedge of protection around us to keep us from storms that come quickly upon us. When we find the waves swelling above us, we ask for Your protection and refuge from being overcome. We trust You knowing that You have also prepared us for this and You are not caught by surprise. Holy Spirit, continually keep us focused on Christ's Way, in His perfect timing, to go where He leads, having faith and discernment that He is above all things and will lead us to the paths of righteousness and is working all things for His glory! Remind us to be wise and not foolish. Open our eyes to see when we are heading out into waters that aren't prepared yet, and give us self-control and wisdom to wait. May our zeal for You be gathered and prepared for the divine appointed time, not as we want, but as You need. We praise Your Great Name. We thank You for Your presence. We thank You for Your grace. We thank You for Your love over us. Be our Refuge, our Strength and our Leading, in everything, always. Amen.

" And David spoke to the LORD the words of this song on the day when the LORD delivered him from the hand of all his enemies, and from the hand of Saul. 2 He said,  "The LORD is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, 3 my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold and my refuge, my savior; you save me from violence. 4 I call upon the LORD, who is worthy to be praised, and I am saved from my enemies. 5 "For the waves of death encompassed me, the torrents of destruction assailed me; 6 the cords of Sheol entangled me; the snares of death confronted me. 7 "In my distress I called upon the LORD; to my God I called. From his temple he heard my voice, and my cry came to his ears. 8 "Then the earth reeled and rocked; the foundations of the heavens trembled and quaked, because he was angry. 9 Smoke went up from his nostrils, and devouring fire from his mouth; glowing coals flamed forth from him. 10 He bowed the heavens and came down; thick darkness was under his feet. 11 He rode on a cherub and flew; he was seen on the wings of the wind. 12 He made darkness around him his canopy, thick clouds, a gathering of water. 13 Out of the brightness before him coals of fire flamed forth. 14The LORD thundered from heaven, and the Most High uttered his voice. 15 And he sent out arrows and scattered them; lightning, and routed them. 16 Then the channels of the sea were seen; the foundations of the world were laid bare, at the rebuke of the LORD, at the blast of the breath of his nostrils. 17 "He sent from on high, he took me; he drew me out of many waters. 18 He rescued me from my strong enemy, from those who hated me, for they were too mighty for me. 19 They confronted me in the day of my calamity, but the LORD was my support. 20 He brought me out into a broad place; he rescued me, because he delighted in me. 21 "The LORD dealt with me according to my righteousness; according to the cleanness of my hands he rewarded me. 22 For I have kept the ways of the LORD and have not wickedly departed from my God. 23 For all his rules were before me, and from his statutes I did not turn aside. 24 I was blameless before him, and I kept myself from guilt. 25 And the LORD has rewarded me according to my righteousness, according to my cleanness in his sight. 26 "With the merciful you show yourself merciful; with the blameless man you show yourself blameless; 27 with the purified you deal purely, and with the crooked you make yourself seem tortuous. 28 You save a humble people, but your eyes are on the haughty to bring them down. 29 For you are my lamp, O LORD, and my God lightens my darkness. 30 For by you I can run against a troop, and by my God I can leap over a wall. 31 This God--his way is perfect; the word of the LORD proves true; he is a shield for all those who take refuge in him. 32 "For who is God, but the LORD? And who is a rock, except our God? 33 This God is my strong refuge and has made my way blameless. 34 He made my feet like the feet of a deer and set me secure on the heights. 35 He trains my hands for war, so that my arms can bend a bow of bronze. 36 You have given me the shield of your salvation, and your gentleness made me great. 37 You gave a wide place for my steps under me, and my feet did not slip;" 2 Samuel 22

Thankful for Faith & Friends

It's that time of year when the ladies Bible study has ended and I sit and ask God. "What now?" Where, What, Who will I read and study during the holidays over the next 2 months? Sometimes He leads me to go back through the recent study or another from a different semester and review or do any that I missed a particular week. Sometimes I go back and study through sermon notes from the year, but always He leads me to reading and enjoying His Word. 

That's what I did this morning and I thought I'd share it with you. I love The Word! I decided to detail it out and make it come alive in my own visual and practical heart and head. It captivates my soul and I wonder why I haven't been sitting and just reading it every single day. I mean, I am in the Word daily, but it's one thing to study it verse by verse and it's a whole other approach to sit and stay in it. This morning's reading in 2 Peter 1, while it has tons of good applications, it also brought me to thanksgiving of fellowships in Christ. I am unpacking this and hope to share it with the family but I wanted to also share thanksgiving to those who stand beside me in the faith!! Those who have prayed me here where I am today, including the prayers of women I have only recently met!

 Hebrews 4:12 "For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart." It gets down in us and makes changes!! This is why it is soooo important who you trust to allow access to your heart and soul as your inner circle of friends and/or your mentors. They must be like-minded, not that we can't learn from differing opinions, but The Word says to guard your heart and mind in Him, to not share friendship with the world. I want people in my life who carry the armor of God with them to stand next to me on the battlefields and in the prayer closets. Other weapons will hurt me, but the weapons of God help me. I have been blessed beyond measure with such armed, Godly women! 

With our recent move out of state, my heart is even more grateful than ever for the friendships God establishes for my good and His glory! The Sister-friends who have pushed hard through my thick walls, the ones who stretched me and made me more pliable, the women who saw past my excuses and challenged me with grace. He blessed my life with women who not only led by spoken example, they live it. Strong, courageous women encircle me, from around the world!! Women who stand on The Word of God as absolute Truth and prove it to be true in their own life. Their faith walk match their faith talk. What treasures they are to me. I appreciate them so much, and it's not that I just miss them terribly, but that because of their impact in my life, I am stronger because of them through the work of the Holy Spirit in them. Because I am stronger, I can dig my roots deeper and wider all the way over here because they have showed me how it's done and they continue to stir me up across the miles. 

God also continues to surround me even here in our new place with Godly, genuine, courageous women. My heart overflows with thanksgiving at His abundance of grace! The greatest gift to me is not all these women's friendships combined, but their individual Sisterhood to me. Each one stirs me up in their own gifted way! They make every effort to remind me of God's love and provisions. They desire for me to be fruitful and effective in life and in spirit. How precious a gift is that?!? I am especially thankful today for each courageous woman God has knitted my heart to that remind me of the very reason I ought to make every effort to increasingly supplement my faith with more of God!!! I pray that upon my own departure (by location or for eternity), others will be stirred up and remember the greatness of God and the importance of supplementing our faith while receiving and trusting His grace, love and mercy! 

All this to say-choose your friends wisely and stay in the Word, increase your faith!!! I don't know what study you are doing for the holiday break, but it's easy to get busy with Holiday Life and fill your days with all the to-dos and get-readys and social parties. I encourage you to make sure you are in The Word, cuz it is where real change, real love, real help and real life is found! Jesus is the reason for the season...and for your life!!!

And to my amazing Sister-Friends, thank you for the reminders and bless you for stirring me up!!!! You know who you are! HUGS and LOVE!!!!! ~Me

Here are my notes from today's scripture~ 

2 Peter 1: 5-9, 12-15 "For this very reason (a statement presented in justification or explanation of a belief or action.) make every effort (exertion of physical or mental power) to supplement (to complete, add to, or extend by a supplement) your faith (belief in God) with virtue (moral excellence; goodness; righteousness; one of the three graces: faith, hope, or charity, infused into the human intellect and will by a special grace of God) and virtue with knowledge (acquaintance with facts, truths, or principles, as from study or investigation), 6 and knowledge with self-control (control or restraint of oneself or one's actions, feelings, etc.) and self-control with steadfastness (firm in purpose, resolution, faith, attachment,etc.) and steadfastness with godliness (conforming to the laws and wishes of God) 7 and godliness with brotherly (of, like, or befitting a brother; affectionate and loyal) affection (fond attachment, devotion, or love), and brotherly affection with love (a profoundly tender, passionate affection foranother person.) 

8 For if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they keep you from being ineffective or unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. 9 For whoever lacks these qualities is so nearsighted that he is blind, having forgotten that he was cleansed from his former sins. 

12 Therefore I intend always to remind you of these qualities, though you know them and are established in the truth that you have. 13 I think it right, as long as I am in this body, to stir you up by way of reminder, 14 since I know that the putting off of my body will be soon, as our Lord Jesus Christ made clear to me. 15 And I will make every effort so that after my departure you may be able at any time to recall these things." 

Thankful for Being Perfectly Imperfect

November is the traditional month of Thanks-giving. Social media fills the airways of stories and events in people's lives and in history that are filled with giving thanks, where they were blessed beyond measure, given or won something they couldn't imagine or saved from something that could have destroyed them but didn't. This is true for me too. Every November, like everyone else, I reflect daily on the blessings God has poured out on me. The list is nearly endless. From family to friends, to provisions, to the active and real presence of my Lord, I give abundant thanks from each glory to glory.
Thanksgiving comes naturally in the midst of the current goodness or blessing but sometimes our thanksgiving comes from a place of deep pain or heartache. We are thankful to no longer be in pain anymore. We are thankful to have been saved from something, be it physical, emotional or spiritual. Remembering these moments are bittersweet. Painful remembrances yet remembered for the redeeming love that brought us through them. Bittersweet.
As many of you know from reading or hearing of my own testimony of God's refining rescue in my own life, November is that month of bittersweet reflection for me. So many times in God's Word He tells us to "remember" and "give thanks in all circumstances." As much as we want to forget times of pain in our lives, the valleys we had to crawl through served to build our spiritual muscles, the fires that burned us, didn't consume us but purified and refined us. I would never choose to walk through another valley or be tossed into a firery pit so it behooves me to take personal inventory of my life to make sure I am doing all I can to stay out of them. 
Like Paul, I asked the Lord to remove the thorn from my flesh several times and the Lord saw it best not to. I can't help but think God wanted him to feel that twinge of a reminder lest he ever forget that bittersweet place in his life when God saved him. This was true for me too. I have moments in my heart (literally and figuratively) I feel that twinge from the remnants of the thorns that once pierced me.
I am brought back to September 2008 when our ladies Bible study was starting back up for the Fall Semester. The study was He Speaks to Me. For months I felt like I hadn't connected to God. I felt too busy, but a good busy. I just wasn't hearing Him and this study was advertised for just a person. I was breaking my back to be the perfect Wife, Mom, Friend, Church Servant. I was actually breaking my heart, and God's. My anxiety and perfectionism drove my high expectations of myself, as well as trying to be a perfect reflection of a Proverbs 31 woman who served her family, friends and community with perfection. Only to find myself frustrated and failing constantly. If I got one thing right, I missed 3 others. If I got the Wife of the Week Award, I got Worst Mom Award the same week and visa versa. I would get up and start the house cleaning, pushing the kids out the door for school so I could get to working and then feel the shame and loss of missing what I really wanted the morning to look like with a hot cooked breakfast, hugs and prayers. Or I would spend all day cleaning the outside yard and doing laundry only to be too exhausted to play with them when they got home...and then there were the bathrooms and picking up and cleaning the floors, running errands, trying to squeeze in a devotional and on and on. Sooooo much to accomplish and I just couldn't get it all done. I felt like I was on autopilot trying to get it "perfectly perfect" each new day. I thought, "One day...."  I would get this whole Wife, Mom, Friend, Christian woman life right...but that day never came. And no wonder I felt distant from God. I was too busy with my own list to consider His. I was so concerned about my own perfectness, I missed His perfectness. I feared my failures instead of fearing my God.
My thoughts screamed at me constantly to try harder and do this and that. There was no silence or rest to hear what God had to say. And yes, I worshiped throughout the day, jamming out to my Christian music. And yes, I prayed as I thought of someone of something I needed to pray for. And yes, I attempted to do my Bible study lessons for the week only to cram in a few days at a time to make sure I didn't show up without answers. I wanted to reflect God perfectly and my intentions perfectly, so I made sure that by all outward appearances, I had it together, proving that as a Christian woman, I...we...really could "do all things in Christ who is my strength." Phil 4:13. However, it was breaking my heart, and God's. 
I couldn't seem to find my own way out of this performance cycle and God stepped in to give me a hand. My study book actually went missing during Week 2 homework. How embarrassing is that?! I lost my book? After two weeks? Good grief!! I did not want to go back to class but I was responsible for leading the worship time each week. I had to still show up. Ohhhh, I thought of excuses to hide, but I wasn't going to lie in order to hide. Filled with complete embarrassment, I went and sat with blank paper and pen. My teacher and friend offered me a weekly email with the Scripture verses that I could look up and write my thoughts down and I would at least be able to stay on topic with the ladies. 
The first day I sat down with her email, shaking my head, I opened my Bible to read and reflect on each scripture. I felt a small stirring in my spirit. Each day that week, I remember feeling excited to look up the next set of scriptures. I realized that over the years, I had gotten really good at doing Bible studies, without the Bible. I dug deep and took into consideration what the author was trying to teach that day, making sure I got the right answers and not really ever needing to open my own Bible to honestly find what God was trying to say. (One reason I don't like when authors write the verse for you in the study book, replacing the need for using a Bible. It spiritually spoon fed me. I didn't have to work for anything or discover the Living Water personally. I got sips of theirs.) I had forgotten or maybe gotten too distracted or maybe even too lazy or too busy and was forgetting who's word I needed to discern and dig deep into.
God's Word is a healing balm and it refreshes the soul. I began to thirst for it every morning, even if I didn't get to it till the afternoon time. Oddly enough, the very last week, I found my book. It had been kicked under the computer desk, don't know how or by whom, and I just had to laugh. God had obviously taken it away from me so that I could truly do a Bible study. I realized then, I needed to be in His Word, literally.
Eventhough my desire for His Word was ignited again, I still was attempting the "perfectly perfect" life of a Christian woman of God who did all things with joy, grace and perfection evidenced by her well kept home, healthy meal planning, well behaved and respectful children, a smiling and adoring husband with a  smile on her face all the while I was screaming and dying on the inside of all my trying. My heart was failing. My spirit was defeated. My mind was spinning. And yes, I was still praying but my prayers were for help...to be perfect in all that I felt I needed to be and do. And yes, I still worshiped the God who was my source of all....perfection. My strength in my weakness. Oh how deceptive and slick evil is.
One day, December 6, 2008, God turned off my autopilot and put me in neutral. All of a sudden, my life had lost control. The tight hold I had on my life was gone. Through a very dark season of fear, crying out from the depths of darkness, trying still to keep the face of faith on, I quickly found myself in a pit of nothingness. I imagined myself being overcome by the quicksand of life, slowly sinking further and suffocating in the end. I was drowning in my soul. I saw no rescue. I felt no peace. My hope was breaking to pieces just like my heart. My faith was shaking just as my mind was tossed back and forth. 
But why?!? At the time, I didn't understand why this was happening. My whole aim in life was to do my best at being a "perfect" Christian woman of God. To make the right choices and do all the right things for God, for myself, for my family, for others. And there it was. I was trying to be perfectly perfect at being perfect, concerned with how I appeared to God and to others rather than being concerned with how I appeared to God and how God appeared to me. My life was a series of To-dos that needed to be done with perfection instead of a life of To-be that needed to be done for for the glory and pleasure of a Perfect God. 
Satan constantly reminded me that I was imperfect, never able to measure up to what I thought I should be. I felt shame, embarrassment and guilt at the truth of this knowing I could never get it all perfectly right. But God.... He stepped in and reminded me that I am perfectly imperfect in His name. For the first time, I felt grace and mercy at the truth of knowing that while I could never do all things or be all things perfectly, that in Him, I could stand before Him and rest knowing that I was made perfect in Him through my imperfections. 2 Corinthinas 12:9-10 "But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 
God took back control of my life and with His gentle yet firm hand, He lifted me out of that darkness and set me back on level, steady ground, my sure foundation! I felt my breath again. For the first time, I felt perfectly perfect, to be imperfect. My thirst for Living Water refreshed my heart, soul and spirit day after day. I woke up early in the morning to give Him my first fruits. I began and ended my days in thanksgiving for His healing grace, His strength despite my weakness, His grace despite my selfishness and pride, His unconditional love and acceptance for this imperfect girl. 
I no longer sought perfectionism in me. I no longer feared failure. I could finally find rest in my Perfect God. The shattered pieces of my heart, soul and mind were gathered together, and refined by His Fire. I realized how "me" centered my life had become when all my heart really wanted was a "God" centered life. The Pharisees had the same issues. While they knew God, they lived life according to the rules and to-dos and completely missed worshiping and knowing God's Himself, knowing His love personally, living with hope, joy, peace, love, trust and anticipation. They were on autopilot to stay the course and obey the rules, doing all kinds of good and making sure they played the part of righteous ones well. They missed the mark and lived a "me" centered life even though I bet if you asked them, they would probably would have said it was most certainly a "God" centered life.
It took months of prayer, being in God's Word consistently, meditating on His Word, embracing His love and forgiveness, seeking accountability, desiring His will for my day and not my own, to finally and truly be free from the bondage of "me" and becoming free indeed!!!! 
While the valley has thorns and the fire leaves scars, they are beauty from the ashes to my heart and soul. They remind me of God's great love and compassion for His children and how He desperately desires us to know Him, not just know of Him. Not just do things and be things in His name, but to do and be things because of His name. 
If I want to boast about God and experience His power resting on me, then I will "boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses," and learn to be "content in my weaknesses." Not easily done when you are a recovering perfectionist!!! But it is possible with a healthy dose of humility and God's power!!! I think I had it backwards all those years...I was concerned about displaying the potential of Me as a Child of God instead of the perfectness and potential of my God. My Potential vs. God's Possible....I am perfectly imperfect but God is what is perfectly perfect. Satan wants us to only see the truth of who we are to shame us and cause us to drown in our own quicksand, but God stands as our Protector and Shield reminding us that in Him, we have been given power in Jesus Name to overcome and enable us to be more than conquerers in His Name. There is no condemnation in Christ Jesus and nothing can separate us from His hold on us! (Romans 8) I am imperfect, "all have sinned" so Satan is right. But God....He redeems us and washes us clean, making us perfectly imperfect in Him! "And now, Israel, what does the LORD your God require of you, but to fear the LORD your God, to walk in all His ways, to love Him, to serve the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul, and to keep the commandments and statutes of the LORD, which I am commanding you today for your good?" Deuteronomy 10:12-13 
I hope this reaches the drowning heart of another person who feels like they can hardly breath. You feel like you are on autopilot. You are running so fast that you don't feel like your feet are touching the ground sometimes and if they do, it is because you have fallen hard. May I encourage you to take a deep breath and breath in the grace of God's overpowering love and exhale all your efforts. You think you can keep going and doing all the good busy stuff you want or need to do and do it all in the name of Jesus, but if you don't stop and place yourself into His care and purpose of being and doing, and get Him truly at the center of you, He will gently but firmly save you from yourself, but let me tell you, the fear of that darkness will not quickly be forgotten. Much better that you heed warnings that you are approaching quicksand before you find yourself suffocating in it. It is much better to fall on your knees than to be brought to your knees...I promise you!!! And yet how bittersweet that once we have been on our knees, we will once again stand!!!!! Bruised and blistered, yes... but not destroyed!! Refined, not refused!! Loved, not lost!!

" But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; " 

2 Corinthians 4:7-9

If you have lost your thirst for the Word...if you feel like you do not have control over your days...if you feel like you are going to scream...if you feel like God is far away...if you feel there is no hope and you are sinking in quicksand...if you feel alone and forsaken...you feel like a complete failure...may I gently and firmly remind you that both God and Satan are at work in your life and you have to decide who's voice you will listen to and believe. Satan is the Father of Lies and God is the Father of Love. Satan wants to destroy you from the inside out but God will heal you from the inside out. God has not forsaken you. You are perfectly imperfect and greatly loved. You are not alone. You are not a lost cause. There is a Redeemer name Jesus Christ who has come to set the captive free and it is in Him you will find your strength, joy, peace beyond measure. Reach out and take hold of Him again. You must pray, put on your armor and fight for your life in Christ. Right now, there is a battle for your heart, soul and mind that you cannot see but you are probably feeling so you must believe that you are more than a conquerer. Victory has already been declared on the Cross and it is yours to receive! You do not need to give up the fight here on earth to end the chaos and pain. Our Redeemer lives. Peace is here now! The King of kings and Lord of lords, the Ruler over all things, people and principalities stands strong guarding His children. Get into His Word, the Living and Active, 2 edged sword, and let Him heal and help you out of the darkness. His "word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path." Psalm 119:105 You cannot give up or quit. You must replace your "me" centeredness with God at the center again. Fall on your knees and cry out to Him in all honesty and faith, believing He is who He says He is and can do just as He has promised in His Word. Do not doubt His love or ability, and do not doubt that you are worthy of His love. God will be your rescue but you need to do your part and be willing to be rescued. Pray. Seek. Believe. Hope. Surrender. Reclaim your life in Him and live the life He has planned and purposed just for you. Look up Friend and stand once again on steady ground, a Sure Foundation because He is that Foundation!! If you do not have the strength to reach up, then reach out and ask for help. The Holy Spirit intercedes on our behalf but God also calls others to do the same. You may have been too much into yourself to look out an notice the hands and feet of God reaching out to you. Open your eyes and see that the Lord is good and He is near! Do not be afraid to take off the Perfect Mask and reveal yourself to others. Be authentic and real. Be careful who you trust and seek out those who will love you through Christ's love and care. Remember, you are strongest when you are the weakest, it just may not feel that way yet!! 

"And he said to me, "It is done! I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. To the thirsty I will give from the spring of the water of life without payment. The one who conquers will have this heritage, and I will be his God and he will be my son." Revelation 21:6-7

My name is Michele, and I am a Perfectly Imperfect Woman of God!

Cleaning My Windows for the Perfect View

 It's my million dollar view this year!!! I have always been a "keep the windows open" kind of girl. I love the sunshine and the fresh air that open windows provide. It refreshes me and awakens me. I could sit and stare outside for hours while reading a book or enjoying a meal by the windows in my home. If you think about it...the most desirable seats at a restaurant or a home are by the water. They are always the most costly, because they provide an amazing view just on the other side.
Living here in the Keys has deepened my love for the outdoors. The water's edge, the lush landscapes, the colorful homes, the endless views, the varying shades of blues in the waters...the cool breezes and oh, the sun rises and sun sets...wow!! God blessed us beyond measure and more than what we deserve to allow us to rent a place with a beautiful view outdoors on the water. I have not closed the window blinds but maybe 3 times for us to watch a movie. Every night and day, they remain open!! Our family spends the majority of our time either out back on the water or inside looking out back at the view. So, you can imagine that in the daily maintenance of housekeeping, cleaning these 4 sets of sliding glass doors is top priority for me. It's our main view. It greatly affects how we see the view outside, and even if we get to!
Between 2 dogs and 12 hands, you can also probably imagine all the fingerprints and smears and smudges that find their impressions on this wall of windows! It's like washing your car and the moment you drive it out of the wash, you hit a mud puddle. Or upon unloading the last of the laundry to it's drawer, someone brings you the bag of clothes they forgot to give you...it never ends. It takes my constant attention to make sure they stay clean and clear because when the sun shines through the glass, every smudge is seen and it distorts and sometimes blocks the view. We must have 10 other windows throughout the house and I can count on one hand the amount of times I have wiped them down, but these doors have been scrubbed, buffed and detailed almost daily to guarantee (best it can be) a crystal clear and unobstructive view of our beautiful, main, million dollar view outside.
I admit there are days I am too busy or too lazy to wipe them down and the view is one of embarrassment, shame, frustration and I feel so guilty for hindering the amazing view that is just on the other side, all because of a choice I have made not to make it a priority to clean them. And when the sun shines in revealing all the white smudges, I want to close the blinds and try to hide the dirt and smears, until later, when I decide to make the time to wipe them down. In hindsight, I find it's much easier and less hurtful to my heart when I suck it up, remember the priority they have in our family's view of the outisde, our million dollar view that connects us to the outside, and I stay ontop of them, keeping them clean.
Well, it had been a few days and I was beginning to feel the guilt and shame for all the dirt and you know it, I got the kids out the door for school and hurried backhand scrubbed and wiped with vengeance to get theses windows back in order and crystal clean once again so that when the sun shined through in what would only be about an hour later, it would reflect the glorious view and my guilt would be no more.
I was scrubbing down the last window, completely out of breath, and the Holy Spirit asked me, "Do you care for me the same?" It was a million dollar question about the million dollar view, of my spirit. I take such care and commitment to make sure my physical view was without blemish, making it a top priority, worthy of my extra time, energy and resources, but how well do I care for my spiritual view? Are the windows to my soul as much of a priority to me? Is my view of God my main view, one worthy of my daily cleaning and care or is He just another one of the windows in my "temple" that occasionally gets wiped down? Am I at times too busy or lazy to clean my heart and mind and allow the dirt and smudges to build up causing my view to become distorted and even blocked? Do I sometimes choose to close the blinds, (only causing me to feel guilt, shame and embarrassment within my heart), so I can avoid having to deal with my sin-smudges for "today", only to know they are still there and must be cleaned up?
Am I zealous to prepare my windows for The "Son" to shine through and reveal to me His glorious view? Is He worth the diligence it takes, the time and commitment and effort, and sometimes even sacrifice it takes to keep my windows clean? Is God my main view or just one of many? Is seeing Him clearly, as my main view important enough to me that I constantly find myself paying attention to the smudges and dirt that accumulate and do my best at keeping myself clean and pure before Him, so that I can see Him without hindrance and here find my greatest enjoyment and pleasure seeing Him?
This was a good reminder for me and I pray it is for you too. We can spend much time, energy and resources keeping our physical world in order and but hardly any for our spiritual world. May we run with endurance to open the blinds we have closed in our hearts, our minds, and our souls, and with a renewed determination, re-prioritize and clean up our internal windows and rid ourselves of all that hinders our glorious view to the beautiful "Son" just outside the window.

Thank You Lord God for forgiving us of our sin. Open our hearts and cleanse us. Rid us from all that hinders us from seeing You clearly and purely. Renew within us a right and pure spirit. Give us a new determination to diligently keep ourselves clean before You so we can see You more clearly. May our heart's eyes continually be drawn to Your glorious view and not any other. Do not let us settle for a distorted view but build in us the fire of Your consuming Fire that refines and purifies our soul for You. Grant us endurance to never settle for less than a clear view of You. You Oh God, are worthy of all our honor and praise. It is our desire to know You intimately and love You purely and serve You diligently. May You be delighted when we bask in the view of Your Son shining down on us. All praise and glory is Yours, amen!!

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God." 

Hebrews 12:1-2

"Have mercy on me, O God, according to your steadfast love; according to your abundant mercy blot out my transgressions. 2 Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin! 

 6Behold, you delight in truth in the inward being, and you teach me wisdom in the secret heart. 7Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean; wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow. 8 Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones that you have broken rejoice. 9 Hide your face from my sins, and blot out all my iniquities. 10 Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me. 11 Cast me not away from your presence, and take not your Holy Spirit from me. 12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit. 13 Then I will teach transgressors your ways, and sinners will return to you. 14 Deliver me from blood guiltiness, O God, O God of my salvation, and my tongue will sing aloud of your righteousness. 15 O Lord, open my lips, and my mouth will declare your praise. 16 For you will not delight in sacrifice, or I would give it; you will not be pleased with a burnt offering. 17 The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise. 18 Do good to Zion in your good pleasure; build up the walls of Jerusalem; 19 then will you delight in right sacrifices, in burnt offerings and whole burnt offerings; then bulls will be offered on your altar."

Psalm 51:1-2, 6-19