"I am hard pressed between the two. My desire is to depart and be with Christ, for that is far better. But to remain in the flesh is more necessary on your account.
Convinced of this, I know that I will remain and continue with you all, for your progress and joy in the faith, so that in me you may have ample cause to glory in Christ Jesus, because of my coming to you again." - Philippians 1:23-26
This was the essence of my conversation with the Lord beginning in December 2008. Better is one day with Him than thousands without, and yet, what about the ministry, the people, the lost, the life, the community, my children, He has given to me to show them Him?!? Who will tell them about The Great I Am? Who would encourage them when they lost hope? Where will the Light shine? Who will be His hands and feet? Please Lord, I wish it could be Me! That has always been my desire and my hope for ministry. I have always lived on mission to love God and others with all my heart but that mission was led by love, yet controlled by fear.
Today is the 8yr mark of the beginning of what would be a season of redefining, refining, and heavy sifting. It was painful and terrifying, and yet divine. Intense for a season but growth for a lifetime! In that season I was madder than I had ever been at God in my life and then more in love with Him than I had ever been in my life. It was a gloriously intense season. It is one of the times I am thankful God doesn't answer exactly what we ask, but chooses to allow what is for our good, that He may receive all the glory.
Satan may be whispering in your ear...give up...you don't matter...no one will miss you if you're not here...God doesn't really love you like He loves others...you won't ever get over "it"...God won't remain patient with you...you'll never be good enough...etc. LIES!! These are lies from the Father of Lies, the great deceiver.
You are loved, cherished, covered, forgiven, necessary and instrumental to the glory of God! He wants you, others need you!! God has planned a purposeful life for you and only He knows how many days that will be for each of us. The sheep do not instruct the Shepherd, nor does the clay teach the Potter. We are wise to live each day fully, without regret, without fear, without worry. We are called to live victoriously! Even in trials, we are being refined and strengthened as we are walking through Fire which doesn't burn.
So today especially I count it joy for the season of great pain and fear for it was there I came out out of the prison without chains, out of the firery furnace unburned. I walked away from the constant bullying of a goliath.
Jesus is faithful. Jesus is stronger than you. Jesus loves without condition. Christ our Lord forgives, and has already counted the cost of your unbelief and sins and He paid it in full! He loves you!!! When we truly grasp this truth and live our life as if it's true, what joy!
Oh the blessings of seeing Christ exalted these past 8years floods my soul and blows my mind. So many Believers suffer in silence, shamed and embarrassed, so I am challenging you to:
-tell someone
-pray without ceasing
-fight the war with weapons unseen
-seek others who will fight for you
-walk through the fire courageously anticipating a beautiful refining when you're out the other side
-get stronger not weaker
-memorize and meditate on His promises
-worship in all you say, do and think.
Need some practical advice?!? I know this sounds impossible right now, but trust me...serve somewhere. I know you probably don't feel like it, but do it! Get outside of your own square footage. Do an act of kindness. Get out of the house. Go for a walk, invite a friend to join you.
Need even more practical suggestions?!? Drink lots of water, eat a good healthy meal and watch your caffeine intake. Do not just sit around and sulk. Pray without ceasing and count your blessings!!
More? Start a Blessing Journal and write down one a day. Understand the Love your Father has for you!! Wrap your mind around the the fact He has created you to be His. He sees you right where you are. Nothing escapes Him. Together, we are a city on a hill for the nations! Turn up that worship music and dance! Sing it so the enemy cringes and flees.
Stay strong and rebuke the lies of the enemy. Satan is not for you. He wants to destroy you. God saves!! God is our joy, peace and hope forever! His Grace is all you need and by faith, when you surrender to His care, He will flood you with Peace that surpasses all understanding. Breath in His Grace and be still that anxious soul. He's got you and He won't let you go!!!
May every day be a day we count as joy to be loved by The Great I Am, for His mercies are new every morning and His heart bleeds for ours. Rejoice always. Give thanks. May this be our battle cry!!! Going to church is not the answer, memorizing Scripture is not the answer, praying loud is not the answer. Jesus is the Answer and resting in Him, worshiping Him and receiving His great love is the fullness of Life! Jesus is not looking for performers or begirds, He is seeking hearts.
Greater is He who is in us than he who is in the world. We are more than conquerers! We are His!
Our healing and help begins with Love Himself. Seek Him. If you need more help, reach out to a counselor or pastor and ask for it! It's never too late. Mercies are new every day!
Don't let today's pain keep you from all the tomorrows' blessings!! He's making all things new!! Let everything that has breath praise the Lord!! Thanking God tonight for the grace that soothes our grief and His sovereignty that covers our sorrows.
God knows. God hears. God loves you!
Thankful for Love, Grace, Hearts and Hope!! God, You have my heart!!! Thank You for Yours for me!! In you I rest and live, amen.
Broken Vessels by Hillsong Worship in song here.
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