Does your "battery" need a charge?

Every time he drives off, I pray that he would be wise and pleading with God to keep him safe. So, when I hear his ringtone playing through phone minutes after he has left the house, my heart skips a beat wondering, "Oh no, what happened." Thankfully, this last call was not a 911, but there was an issue. 
He had left for church and on his way stopped in to get a donut. If you could see how big his truck is, you'd know why he avoids drive thrus! Toooo big to maneuver through them. So anyway, when he made his sugary purchase and returned to the truck, it didn't start. And that's when I got the call. Thank God he was not broken down in the middle of a main road, like a few weeks ago!!! (Yes, that was scary! Drive shaft dropped mid-road! He was okay, thank God!)
The other kiddos and I were loading up already to head to church so we made the detour into Shipleys (which by the way, soooo much better than Dunkin Donuts!!), and you can imagine the delight that erupted in my car! They didn't even notice their brother's huge white truck being there, or remember that he was going to stop by. All they could imagine was DONUT HEAVEN!!! (We hardly ever buy donuts so their delight and shock was genuine! LOL)  
To their disappointment, we pulled into the space by big boy's truck and connected the batteries and gave him a jump. It took a few minutes to figure out which wires were loose before it started up, but it did. We were all good to go yet now late. I hurried up and got back in the car and started driving to church, with no time for a drive through to get a "sugary delight." Yes, you can imagine the disappointment. But, we had gone there for a purpose and it was not for donuts. 
 As we were driving off, my little guy who is 7 years old said, "Mom, why did you have to hook up to his truck?" "He needed me to jump his battery so he could keep going. My battery was full and his was empty. If we didn't stop and help him, he would have just stayed there and missed church."
God uses us in the same way. We need eachother to help "jump start" each other when we are "empty." We all go through days or seasons where we "run out of juice" in our batteries. We are at a stand still and find ourselves unable to "go another mile." Certainly God leads us through periods of rest and waiting but being at a complete stop, or being "broken down" along the road is something completely different. We know it in our spirits when we have reached that place of fumes and eventual emptiness. We push as far as we think we can (even when we are functioning in the Lord's strength of Philippians 4:13....and it's a whole other blog about doing things in our own strength and how quickly we will hit "empty) but even those times we are giving our everything to the Lord and relying on His strength, we can still find ourselves exhausted and running on what feels like "fumes" until that day we finally register "empty." 
It is then, that God sends us someone to "charge" our batteries. While our "battery" is empty, theirs is full and  able to give us a much needed "charge." Sometimes it's a simple smile or a hug that can brighten our day. A lunch/coffee invite, a kind word or deed done for us or on our behalf. Blessings and gratefulness begin to overwhelm us. We didn't think we could go any further. We felt empty and abandoned and then there arrives the Lord's sweet reminder that we certainly are not alone, unusable or truly empty, we just need a "jump start" from someone with a full battery! There may even be days or seasons you have to move around some "wires" and tighten up the "connections" before your "battery" will receive the "full charge." Patient endurance! 
How important to remember that there is a purpose for living in community with each other! We "charge" and "sharpen" (Proverbs 27:17) one another when we pray and fellowship together. We must be careful to avoid getting side tracked by the "sugary delights" all around us in our relationships with each other. It is very easy to just have fun, talk about fun things, discuss the world events, sip coffee, share our latest Pinterest finds...all the while, forgetting the fact we are pulled over in the space next to someone who's "battery" needs a charge.
If you are running on "fumes" or you can feel the "charge" in your "battery" slowly beginning to grow weak, be encouraged that God has not left you alone in that space. He will send rescue but you need to be ready and waiting with eager anticipation looking for it. If your "hood" is not open, I cannot reach your "battery." As a Believer, you already have the power of the Holy Spirit within you but you can quench His power to work in you. How are your "connections?" Are you dwelling in God's Word? Who is the source of your strength? Whose truth are you relying on? God sends "others" to "jump start" us. We are all at different places on our journey and thank God so that when we "break down" we can call for someone else to give us a "jump" so we don't just stay there and miss church!!  

"And we urge you, brothers, admonish the idle,encourage the fainthearted,help the weak, 

be patient with them all." 1 Thessalonians 5:14

"And so, from the day we heard,we have not ceased to pray for you, asking that you may be filled with the knowledge of His will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, so as to walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to Him, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God. 

May you be strengthened with all power, according to His glorious might, for all endurance and patiencewith joy, giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in light.  He has delivered us from the domain of darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of His beloved Son, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins."

Colossians 1:9-14

Why are you doing what you do?

The younger two kids came home all hyped up with GREAT news!!! It was the new fundraiser for the school...cookie dough! While I am all about the fundraisers, there is only so much a person can do asking the neighbors and especially within our own budget of giving. They ran in the door off the bus and digging out their packets of info,  they could barely contain themselves telling me about all the prizes they could win, "Mom!!! If we ONLY SELL 15 of them, we get....." To their disappointment, I told them the previous 2 fundraisers and the little prizes they earned last time were all that we could do this time. "But Moooommmm, we could (get this toy) and (that)." I asked what the money was for and neither of them knew. In all their excitement to sell, they didn't even know what for. I am assuming it is for the track which is so badly needed!! 
Needless to say, they were quite angry with me that they wouldn't be able to get their prizes. It had nothing to do with not getting a new track which even at their age, they know they need because they run on it every day and it's in bad shape. They had been so pumped up by the school rally to earn prizes, that was their only focus...the prizes. They were motivated by selfish gain.
Now, I am all about prizes and earning rewards. But... are we being conditioned to see the personal gain rather than the central purpose for which we are striving? Do we have to be bribed to work/serve/give? Why not hype the kids up to the realization of a new track!?! Are we all hyped up for the prizes without even knowing what we are striving for?!? I wonder if we do the same thing at church? We talk so much about what God can do for you, the Peace He offers, the Comfort He gives, the Protection and Refuge for the weary, the Strength in our weaknesses that we don't even show them Who He is. 
Are we so hyped up about our "prizes" that we miss what the prizes resulted from? Our track?! Our God! Do we know it's ultimately about the "track" being built and not our personal gain? Are we just "selling" Jesus to get our prize? Yes, how precious and gracious is He that the Lord blesses as a result of our obedience and surrender to Him (what joy and privilege) but I wonder if we too often focus on the blessings and not the Blessed? 
Is my worship about how it makes me feel or is it about how it makes the Lord feel? 
Do I choose daily to walk with Him and serve Him so I can win the Fruit Basket? 
Am I sacrificially serving for the Kingdom growth? 
Am I so conditioned to "get" that I am not focused on The Giver? 
Whose kingdom am I striving to enrich? Mine or Christ's?  
God really made me stop this morning to think of the root of all my doings and how I am conditioning myself and my kids and others...am I hyped up "selling" the Blessings or The Blessed?
Our children should obey and honor, not because they will get a Treasure Box goodie if they do but because they love God first.
We should worship God with all our heart, mind and soul, not because it feels good or that we are supposed to but because it blesses Him to receiver our worship and praise out of our pure love and devotion to Him.
We should go to church and serve not because we will look good in the sight of man, but because we get to learn and love while planting seeds as the hands and feet of Jesus.
We go to church to be with the Body functioning together to serve God, not play games and publish grand numbers or earn a reputation.
We love God, because He first loved us, not because of the riches He gives to those who love Him.
I give God my heart, not because He can make it bigger, but because it is by His grace I even have life. 
We love others, not because it gives us more friends but because out of our love for God, we can't help but love others.
I want my marriage to be strong not because it makes life easier or makes us happier, but because we are a reflection of The Gospel.
Love love, not gain. 
I want my children to serve out of love, not gain.
I want to serve my husband out of love, not gain.
I want to serve my church and others out love, not gain.
I want to serve my God out of love, and not gain. 
All the blessings in the world, all the prizes that can be won, all the effort we spend working towards these gain, I wonder if we will ever see the track for which we worked so hard for or will we continually be off somewhere playing with all our toys, looking for more? Instead, may we be so focused on The Track that we don't count anything gain except for the "Track" being built.

Father God, You are my greatest love and blessing. Help me resist the temptation to see all Your goodness only to strive for Your prizes/blessings. I confess there are times I get hyped up at all Your offering and prizes that I completely miss The Offering of You. It is my heart's desire to worship You, The Blessed, and not Your blessings. God, I want all that I am and all that I do to be about You. I must decrease so You can increase. The gift of Your Son truly is our greatest treasure. How thankful I am for Your sweet Love and Blessings from the immeasurable riches You own, but God, I want You more than I want more stuff. With You, I have my Peace and Strength and Hope. Nothing can compare to the treasure of You. It is You that saved me from the pit. It is Your Love Offering that took on all my sins. Lord God, help me keep my eyes fixed on Your "track" that all my life will be about You as the ultimate end of my striving, not of any selfish gain. For You alone are worthy, all glory and honor is for You. For Your Name's sake, amen.

"Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." 

Matthew 6:19-21

"Make a joyful noise to the LORD, all the earth! Serve the LORD with gladness! Come into His presence with singing! Know that the LORD, He is God! It is He who made us, and we are His;we are His people, and the sheep of His pasture. Enter His gates with thanksgiving, and His courts with praise! Give thanks to Him; bless His name! For the LORD is good; His steadfast love endures forever, and His faithfulness to all generations." 

Psalm 100  

"But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you." 

Matthew 6:33

     

I'm NOT "normal." Living with Hope and not Fear. That's MY normal.

Panic attacks involve sudden feelings of terror that strike without warning. These episodes can occur at any time, even during sleep. A person experiencing a panic attack may believe that he or she is having a heart attack or that death is imminent. The fear and terror that a person experiences during a panic attack are not in proportion to the true situation and may be unrelated to what is happening around them. Most people with panic attacks experience several of the following symptoms:

• "Racing" heart
• Feeling weak, faint, or dizzy
• Tingling or numbness in the hands and fingers
• Sense of terror, or impending doom or death
• Feeling sweaty or having chills
• Chest pains
• Breathing difficulties
• Feeling a loss of control

Panic attacks are generally brief, lasting less than 10 minutes, although some of the symptoms may persist for a longer time. People who have had one panic attack are at greater risk for having subsequent panic attacks than those who have never experienced a panic attack. When the attacks occur repeatedly, a person is considered to have a condition known as panic disorder.

People with panic disorder may be extremely anxious and fearful, since they are unable to predict when the next episode will occur. Panic disorder is fairly common and affects about 2.4 million people in the U.S., or 1.7% of the adult population between the ages of 18 and 54. Women are twice as likely as men to develop the condition, and its symptoms usually begin in early adulthood.

What Is the Outlook for People With Panic Disorder?

Panic disorder can be successfully treated, and sufferers can go on to lead full and satisfying lives. With appropriate treatment, nearly 90% of people with panic disorder can find relief. Unfortunately, many people with panic disorder do not seek treatment. Without treatment, panic disorder can have serious consequences and can severely impair quality of life. Complications of untreated panic disorder include.

• Avoidance. A person may discontinue any activities that seem to trigger a panic attack. This can make a normal work and home life nearly impossible.
• Anticipatory anxiety. This refers to anxiety that is triggered merely by thinking about the possibility of having an anxiety attack.
• Agoraphobia. This is the fear of being in places or situations in which an attack may occur, or from which escape would be difficult or highly embarrassing. This fear can drive people to avoid public places and crowds, and may even progress to the point that the person will not leave his or her home. About one-third of people with panic disorder develop agoraphobia.
• Claustrophobia. The person fears enclosed spaces. 

(The above information was taken from WebMD)

This is the part of me that most people don't know. Hi. My Name is Michele and I used to be The What If Queen, living under the bondage of fear. Today, I live in the freedom of Christ's healing grace. I am known as the shy, peace-maker girl, so I can understand why most people would not or don't understand how I struggled with a life of fear which ultimately led to increasing panic and anxiety attacks. 
God allowed this terrifying season in my life to refine me in the pit. With the intercession prayers and strength of others, counseling and the hard desperate seeking of my own, I found my heart...a heart that beats for God alone. The pit was my journey up! 
This is why I started blogging and writing. It is a documented journey and testimony of the faithfulness of a loving Lord and Father that I pray, pray, pray God would be honored and glorified through. As He presses into my heart, it is my hope to be an instrument of hope, joy, faith, of transparency through these writings. In all I do, think and say, to God be all the glory!

For those of you that struggle with "something," be it panic, anxiety or ptsd from emotional trauma, can I just encourage you for a minute? I get it. I actually prayed the doctors would find something "real" to blame for my struggle. While I was diagnosed with mild SVT, this was a journey with the Lord He allowed to reveal His heart to me by refining mine physically, emotionally and spiritually in The Fire. Compared to a physical trauma, the emotional traumas are so easily "hidden." I have had every single one of those symptoms and outlooks cited from WebMD. It is hard. It is scarey. It does hurt deep. It is embarrassing. But God...He is our strength and order in the chaos. His breath becomes ours. 
You need to know that YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOU THINK and ESPECIALLY FEEL!!! It has been said to me, "You just need to trust God more" and "You just have to have more faith." "Remember God will give you all you need" and "It's really not that big of a deal, just do it (whatever "it" is." "You're overreacting." "Everyone can do it what's the big deal?!"
While these things can all be true to a degree, they are not absolutes to the truth. People don't see is the triple amount of prayer and preparations I put into situations and thoughts throughout my day that keep me centered in my spirit, heart and mind. I am healed and yet at the same time, have complete dependance on the work of Christ in and through my life, as well as physical and emotional boundaries that help me manage myself. It's not just the mind that needs to have self control, it's also the physical body. This season also taught me the importance of healthy eating and exercise, and the importance of fellowshiping with like-minded people who love you with the Love of Christ. Laughter is so good for our souls!! 

I am someone who trusts God with all my heart and mind and soul. I believe God is who He says He is and will do all He has said He will and can do. At the same time, I am not going to stop wearing my seatbelt, or jump out of a plane knowing God will catch me, or shall I stand under a boulder and think with God's strength I can catch it. There are limits that rule reason and faith that helps navigate what is truth and wisdom and that which is not! Thankfully, God has healed me from the bondage of panic attacks/disorder, and to a watching world, they think I am perfectly "normal." I have no problem telling you I am perfectly imperfect, and if we all admit we are, well, then we'd all be normal, right?!?

We so easily excuse people with obvious physical ailments and somehow are able to reconcile their "avoidances" but with someone like me who it's "in their head" they just need to "have more faith." There is sooooo much more involved than "nervous thoughts." A "normal" person cannot understand anymore than someone can understand the loss of a child who hasn't themselves experienced such a devastation. And yet we judge according to our own realities and expectations. 
I have longed for many years to be the outgoing, bold, confident, try anything, go-getter kind of girl, but it's not me. Part of this journey has been about me meeting...me. Getting to know the woman God created me to be even if at times I don't like being her, I know there is a plan and purpose for the mess that I am, and the good news...God ain't done with me yet! I have learned to accept (for the most part, even though there are god days and bad), the person He created me to be. God, help us see each other through Your eyes of love and hope."All have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. We all have issues, seen and unseen. As I pray for transparency and courage to share my heart and testimony with you through the instrument of this blog, I do not want this to be as much about me as I want this to be more as an encouragement from me...despite me.

Healing takes time physically and emotionally. Going through this very difficult season has blessed me in the greatest way. Desperation caused me to fall into the pit of God's grace. Collapsing into the arms of my God, His breath has warmed me. His arms became my safe resting place. There is no peace like Him. I am so thankful for His very great Love and His tender mercy and compassion. He is patient , steadfast and faithful. 
Yes, there are days my thorn wiggles and I feel the tinge of pain...heart palpitations, the intestinal upsets, the flush and faint feelings, the fatigue physically and emotionally, all the while confident in the strength of my weakness, being strong in the Lord, with a faith that says mountains can move!!! I am continually healing in Him.I thank God even still for the reminder to remain close to Him, trusting and depending on His control and grace. , the palpitations, the intestinal upsets, the flush and faint feelings, the fatigue physically and emotionally, alle while being strong in the Lord, with a faith that says mountains can move!!! I am continually healing in Him.

I refuse to listen to the lies of Satan that says, "You are so weak." "You are worthless." "You are incapable of doing anything great." "You cannot represent God well with someone who has "mental" issues." "You are faithless and a coward." "If people only knew..."

Friend, let me tell you....GREATER is HE that is in you than he who is in the world! You ARE more than a conqueror!!! You HAVE been fearfully and wonderfully made! God goes BEFORE you and God will NEVER fail you!! All you need is hope, faith and love in The One True God. And...I might add...others! You cannot battle this alone. Back in the pit to those who walk with me now, they are instruments of continued grace, love , support and encouragement! 
"Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us." Romans 8:35, 37 (ESV)
Friend, be patient with yourself, God is patient with you. He sees your heart! God knows your heart and not matter what other think or say, let there be NO condemnation in Christ. He will heal your broken pieces and gather you unto Him. You may become weary in the fight, and desperately thirsty in the dry wilderness but God never grows weary and is an endless stream of Living Water! Stand firm! It is in your weakness that He is your strength. He will be your refuge to where you can "run." When the walls around you and darkness closes in, remember that you are not crushed or forsaken. God is doing a work in you and will not give up on you! 

Now, some truth in love...if you are avoiding, hiding out, afraid or choosing to be in "that pit," you must admit to yourself that you are in a pit, dig deep into the depth of your heart and spirit and move into the presence of the Lord where He will scoop you up in His shield. He will be your rescue but you must first acknowledge the darkness and move towards His healing Light. His blood shed over you is already your victory, It's time to start living in it again!! 
One step at a time, one day at a time, step out in faith. Do not get discouraged when others think you are 'silly" or "ridiculous." Trust in the Lord to know and guard your heart. You must not continue to sit and crater under the weight of shame and fear. You are worth dying for and it is not His plan for your spirit to live dying inside. God is LIFE and He wants you to have it abundantly, complete with joy!!! You will have Joy again!!! By faith, will you face today and tomorrow with confidence that you are not alone?
  

Thank You Lord God, my Abba Father for knowing me unlike any other. When I feel lowly, you remind me how special I am. When I feel afraid, You are there to hold me near at perfect peace. When I feel like I have lost my mind, You remind me of the paths that lead me to You with Philippians 4:8 thinkings. Sudden moments of terror that flood my soul, You walk on the water, holding my hand to the shore. God, I dare not test you nor be foolish nor do I want to limit You so I am praying once again for the faith to continue walking in faithfulness to You, knowing wherever You are, there will be my peace. Thank You for Your Light that shines on my path from darkness. There is none like You and I am nothing apart from You. Thank You Lord for Your strength in my weakness. I am asking that You will reveal Yourself in a mighty way to me and my brothers and sisters in Your name who are feeling defeated and purposeless. Will You strengthen them? Will You draw them so close to You they too can feel the warmth of Your very breath over there face? May the comfort of Your arms and the tender love of Your heart be tangible to them today. Thank You Lord for Your grace. Thank You Lord for the victory that is ours because of Your Son Christ Jesus. Thank You Lord for the mustard seed!! I want to be the sum of a vineyard full! Rooted, nourished and protected in the name of Jesus, I am YOURS forever, I love You Lord!!! amen!! 

"We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; " 2 Corinthians 4:8-9 

"So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others." Philippians 2:1-4

My Love Story

My Love Story

I met my Sweet Love in the Summer of 1986. I had heard of Him but did not know Him personally. His reputation preceded Him as was one of great compassion and love. He was a favorite amongst most. He always made people smile even on their worst of days and somehow He managed to get my attention on one of those days. Like I said I had heard of Him but didn’t know Him personally, so I said Yes when He asked me to spend time with Him. He was everything I had heard, a perfect gentleman and compassionate soul. He was kind and gentle, aware of His surroundings and the people’s needs around Him and somehow was always able to make it a better place just with His presence. He literally lit up the room.

The more time I spent with Him, the more my heart began to beat for Him. I began to see people as He saw them. I had been hurt so many times in my past by the ignorance or selfishness of others, that trusting Him took time. With each passing day, my love for Him grew deeper and wider till one day when we were alone He asked me for my hand and heart to join Him forever and there was no other answer I could give but "YES!!" I was His and He was mine. He literally changed me life!! 

Through the years, my Love has continued to love me with such an unconditional love and He gives me way more grace and mercy than I deserve. When I am feeling weak, He lifts me up. When I am crushing under the weight of this world, He holds me and is my shield. When others persecute me, He defends me. When I don’t know what to do or where to go, He leads me. I don’t mean to, but when I hurt Him, He forgives me time and time again. I am so thankful for my Sweet Love and I pray each of you finds your Love too. His name is Christ Jesus, my faithful and loving Lord, the Lover of my soul. 

This is my happily ever after.

"Know therefore that the LORD your God is God, the faithful God who keeps covenant and steadfast love with those who love Him and keep His commandments, to a thousand generations,"

Deuteronomy 7:9

Human love is wonderful and was created by God that we would "love one another." However, it is not perfect love. We will hurt each other, knowingly or unknowingly. We let each other down at times and often forget to say Sorry. Even in the best of marriages, families and friendships, there are sure to be moments of pain and selfishness. But, not with the Lord our God. He is perfect and just, faithful in His Love and steadfast in His character and promises. God's Love never fails!! 

If you have a void in your heart and are looking for the filler of your soul, He stands before you, pierced hands, sacrificially loving you, waiting to spend time with you. Look up and see His outstretched hands desiring to take yours and walk a Forever Journey with Him. His heart is for you! 
By faith, won't you place your trust in Him and discover the most amazing Love of all. You will be satisfied, complete, and receive more love, mercy, grace, peace, joy and fullness than you could ever think or imagine in this lifetime! Out of His Sweet Love for you, all your human loves will grow richer too. With His love, you can love deeper and wider. 

Say "YES!!!!" to the Greatest Love of all and walk a new life in Him. He is your Happily Ever After.