The "Root" Issue

Do you ever wonder "How in the world did I get here?" "How did this happen?" "Where did it begin?" (Referring to good or bad.) Sometimes you can remember the exact time, place, location and who was with you when an epiphany reveals itself. While other moments seem to have simply appeared or evolved into being.

This morning I was writing in my Blessing Journal, thanking God for all the goodness, kindness, generosity, provisions, healing, friendships He has graciously given me, specifically over 2011 as I reflect over the year. It surprised me that as I thanked God for certain things and people, I could not pinpoint the exact moment I received the blessing or enlightenment or wisdom. When was it that I "got it?" 

My God: This year's bible studies have been very unique for me and oh, so rich and "meaty." I look back today and see how deeply rooted my faith is in Christ...how much more I love my Heavenly Father, the King of kings, my Savior. When was the moment it happened? Which prayer, study night or homework week was it that I understood Him more? When did my heart fill up? When did my spirit settle into peacefulness and strengthen? I don't know.

My Kids: These past several weeks I have felt a great peace with my kids. Why now? Why do I have a deeper level of confidence in them? Why do I see them with more joy than stressors?  I do believe that my friend's courageous battle with cancer has given me a renewed appreciation and slap in the face over getting things back into perspective. This, along with the "Deuteronomical Truth" gives me the courage to let go of this mega-control that I want and allow God to do what He needs to do in each of them, and me. When did I make that choice? What day? I don't know.

My Friendships: This year God has been especially sweet to bless me with some awesome Sisters in Christ. What's interesting is that some of (you) these girls I have known for many years and yet God saw fit to knit us together tightly in 2011 in a special way. Others of (you) these beautiful women I have only recently been blessed to know and yet the knitting together feels as if we have been intertwined for many a year. What was the thing that "clicked?" When did the comfort level reach a place of "sisterhood?" Why now?  I don't know.

It's hard to believe that it was just this year, in 2011, which many of these roots dug deep within my heart and spirit. Some roots are so deep it seems as if it has always been. We cannot comprehend God's works. How He gives. When He gives. Why He gives. Why He takes away. Processes don't have "dates and times." Now, there are definite defining moments in our lives we must make a choice and turn our life around. Salvation for example is NOT a process, it's a one time choice, in one moment in time. The process of growing, knowing Him, renewing and refining through the Refiners Fire does take time...it is a process day after day. He gives.

Otherthan life-altering choices that have to be made or clear-cut decisions "to do or not to do"...Truthfully, I really don't care when the moment happened or how it happened necessarily. I am just thankful it did!!  One of the reinforcements I gleaned from my recent study in Deuteronomy was that Blessings result from Obedience in the willing heart and it's in those blessings where life-change is realized. My heart's deep desire is to obey, but I am afraid that it doesn't always. I can only hope and pray that the deeper my roots go, the less I will waver.

The choice to change changes things, obviously. But saying it and doing it are two very different realities! The intention to change begins to happen the moment we choose to obey or disobey. The revelation or realization of change is slowly revealed as one layer at a time is peeled back. As one foot steps by faith infront of the other. Maybe that's why it is difficult to see the "ah-ha" moments because they evolve while we are in motion. It's the epiphany or end-result, whether it's blessing or discipline, that we realize change has or is happening. How can a gift (or discipline) from God not change you? Of course it will, it should!! That's why we can stop, look where we are and wonder, What? But how? When?

Another lesson learned is the clear reminder the Creator of the Universe has got things under control. I do not need to worry about all the details and "what if's." He has got it under control. HIS timing, HIS way will be perfect. I certainly don't have the wisdom or resources to change my life or anyone elses...but God can, and He will call to order strangers, friends, family, circumstances, "issues", studies, sermons, songs, and His amazing creation all to draw us closer to Him.

Where are you digging your roots into? A job? A person? May I recommend that you dig deep into God's Word...His living Word. " For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart."  Hebrews 4:12  It is GOD ALONE that can get to those secret and hidden places and work in them. 

(Funny, as I am editing this -I had written it earlier this morning- the thought came to my hair about "roots." I DO need to pay attention to my (hair) roots! Boy, don't we ALL need to pay attention to our "roots" and get them where they need to be!!!

Thank You Lord God for Your Love, Your Grace, Your Faithfulness, Your Way, Your PERFECT timing. I ask for the protection of our heart, mind, soul, and roots in You Father God. Forgive the times we choose not to obey You, for being stubborn and stiff-necked people. Thank You God for creating us to long for something, for having that deep need to belong, for giving us the drive "to do and be." May our desires be found in You alone. May we establish ourselves deeply rooted into Your Word so that we may hear Your voice and none other. Help us to be better students of Your Word and less focused on the world's views and expectations. Thank You for the seasons of pruning, making the burden lighter, ridding ourselves from carrying around so much dead weight. Thank You Lord Jesus for the gifts and blessings that are the cherries ontop of an already sweet gifting from You. I Praise Your HOLY, HOLY Name, amen.

These are scriptures I am meditating on in this season of pruning. I pray they bring you nourishment as well.To GOD be the glory ALWAYS, in EVERY way. 

BLESSINGS!!!! Michele

" ..that according to the riches of His glory He may grant you to be strengthened with power through His Spirit in your inner being, 17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith--that you, being rooted and grounded in love, 18 may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, 19 and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God." Ephesians 3:16-19

 " For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do. By sending His own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin, He condemned sin in the flesh, 4 in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit. 5 For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit. 6 For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace...

18 For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.... 

26 Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. 27 And He who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.  

28 And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose."  Romans 8: 3-6, 18, 26-28 

How I Love Thee

I feel like I could write an entire book with all the thoughts, ponderings, evaluations, questions, and realizations I have about this subject of "How I Love Thee" but I certainly do not have that kind of time right now. Many of my bloggings are "starts" to something that one day will be more. If I don't at least write a summery, I will completely forget. My memory bank has been defective for a very long time!!!! 

My husband and I just completed a 6 Week Marriage class at our church. Going on 19 years of marriage, we have attended many a seminar as we have searched for improvements and during many seasons, help! No one has a perfect marriage. Two imperfect people cannot have a a perfect marriage. (This is where I could write a few chapters, but will refrain for now. This was the main theme of our study.)

This recent class we attended was enlightening more than it was practical, in my opinion. Although there were some practical helps spread throughout the 6 week study, the primary focus was on the reflection of Christ within the union of marriage...even more-so, how Christ has placed your spouse in your life as a means of drawing you closer to Him. Have you ever thought of your spouse as a tool for God to reveal Himself to you? That God wants to use your imperfect partner to teach you more about Him? To draw you closer to Him? The personality, the strengths, the weaknesses of our spouse were given to us as opportunities for us to learn more about our Lord, the Creator and Giver of our Love. Whether your spouse is an encourager that highlights your strengths and gently shares your weaknesses or if he/she is someone who challenges you, exposing your imperfections and challenging your "everything"...our partners are also partners with Christ to expose our critical need for His intercession and mighty hand in our life!

I have joked with my man about this. When I walked through the season of great anxiety a few years ago and the counselor asked me what stress triggers I might have in my life, well of course, I am married to someone very opposite from me and I have four children. Even though they are the love of my life, there is natural stress just by logistics alone, and then you add in "issues!!" It gets stressful indeed! I jokingly thanked him for causing so much stress because it was a big part of what caused me to have a "break-down" which ultimately brought me closer to the Lord. (Annnnnnd... I will another few chapters here!!heehee) (For you new readers who do not know my full testimony, I am kidding, GOD used this to get my attention and bring me back to Him! It was GOD's plan but He gave me many helpers to get there!!)

When I stopped to think about how my relationship with my spouse and my relationship with the Lord paralleled...it was thought-provoking and interesting. The first week, our teacher asked us the question, "What do you struggle with the most with your spouse?...and is it possibly something you also struggle with in your relationship with the Lord?" Hmmm, never had thought of that before...interesting! Again, I could elaborate here, but I am trying my hardest to get straight to the point.

After looking at both of these intimate relationships, I found much in common. Aside from the random and seasonal ups and downs with each, generally speaking, they have both followed a similar pattern. 

In the beginning of my courtship with my Honey, we were young and had not walked miles together where wisdom had been gained. Nope, we were typical teens...young, in love, infatuated with each other, focused on the details of a wedding, graduation, moving in together and starting a life as Husband and Wife. We wanted to see the world and share everything together. We did not get married wondering how God would reveal Himself to each of us through the other...how God would use me to shape him, and him to shape me. Nope, it was just two love birds eager and ready to get married, travel and start our own little family!!

With lots of logged miles under our belts here in 2011, I recognize our love was young and immature. We didn't have deep roots cuz we were merely seedlings, newly planted. How can a year old Oak tree have the deep and thick roots of an Oak that has been taken care of for over 30 years?! It won't be the same.  The scriptures also describe how we move from (spiritual) milk to meat. Knowledge and wisdom take time to develop richly. I believe that's another reason why it is critical for us to share friendships with those of every age for the purposes of mentorships.  (Again....ohhhh I'd like to keep going, but I won't....ugh!!)

Our relationships....their beginnings are simple, basic and on the surface where attention is more about the "doings." Then, as your relationship grows, you get beyond the surface and logistics and work patiently through learning curves, traveling to the heart and spirit of the person. Digging deep takes time individually and especially as two persons sharing a relationship. Roots need to be nourished in order to take roots deep. They don't just happen.

The beginning of my marriage began with "doings": what I could do for him, what he could do for me and getting to know eachother as we learned how to function in our new "oneness." Over time, we developed a level of comfort and familiarity where we didn't have to "think" and "do" with such great effort. Pleasing each other and working together as a team came easier year after year, through trials and triumphs. Over time, our hearts became our focus. It no longer matters to me what he can "do" for me, although I do appreciate all that he does to provide and bless our family!! His heart matters much more to me than anything. As long as his heart is sold out to Jesus and he is still committed to loving me, that is what I care about.

I know him at a much deeper level than I did in 1989 when I met him. Because of the time we have spent together, because of all the experiences (good and tough), I see him from the inside out, not the outside in. We share something together that no one else on this earth has with us. This is what I keep telling my older boys who are showing interests in the girls...know her heart! She needs to love the Lord more than she loves you...and you should love the Lord enough to trust Him to bless you with the hand of the perfect girl for you!! Her cuteness is a bonus but it is not the basis of anything but infatuation. (Opps, sorry, another topic for another time....)

This is true for my relationship with my Heavenly Love. In the beginning, and sadly for way too many years, I focused on what I needed to "do" for Him and tried to learn about all that He could "do" for me. These things are important, to understand the person of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit, Who He is, what He can and will do, His power and strength. However, it was just over the past three years that I began to learn about the heart of God. I am much more concerned today with understanding His heart than I am what He can "do" for me. His salvation was already more than I could ever ask.

The most wonderful thing about my husband is how much He loves me. And I surely Love him. It's a unified feeling AND a commitment I choose to keep.

The most wonderful thing about the Lord my God is how much He loves me. And I surely Love Him. It's a unified feeling AND a commitment I choose to keep.

Oh, How I LOVE Thee!!

Really?!? 2008-2011

It has been 3 years already?!? WOW!!! Three years since my life took a 360. Three years ago when I thought my life was over. Three years ago since I wanted my life to be over. Three years ago when I was in a very dark and lonely pit. December 2008 marked the beginning of the end to fear. Day after day, week after week, month after month...a process of healing, cleansing, restoring, realizing, acknowledging, seeking, confessing, resting, rebuking, trusting, learning...these were the essence of every minute. Some days were okay and I felt strong while others were pure torture and I felt completely helpless and weak. This season in my life was bitter-sweet. What was the most difficult of time was also the most awakening time. The old cliche is true, " When you are at your lowest, there's only one way to go...up!" Of course, being flat on my face in fear was one thing but a year later I found myself flat on my face...in worship and adoration!!! amen!!
If there was any other way, of course I would have rather taken it, but this is what it took for me to turn myself around; therefore, I accept it. For some time following my ultimate healing (AMEN!!!) God crossed my paths with many who also suffered with fear, panic, depression and anxiety. What a blessing to be able to share the HOPE we have in Jesus Christ, our Refuge, Rock and Redeemer. Then I noticed God sending me opportunities to encourage others, not specifically people dealing with fear, but just those in need of hope and strength for the journey. Recently though, I seem to be back on the learning side, not that I had arrived in wisdom and knowledge by any means, but eventhough we are constantly giving and receiving, there are times when it weighs heavier on one side than the other. I have been a part of some in-depth and rich bible studies and they have really taken root in my heart, mind and spirit. There have been some prunings and some growing. God has brought lots of encouragers into my life whom have challenged me in many ways they cannot know and also very obvious ways. What a gift to have the hands and feet of God touch you.
I am soooo thankful as I look back on this three year anniversary of what I call my Season of Hell, that I am on the otherside, I am not who I was in 2008, I no longer have great walls protecting me...I trust God to protect me. I no longer attempt to fight battles that aren't mine...I trust God to fight them for me. I no longer fear the "unknowns" but I trust God to take me where He wants me to go regardless of whether or not I understand it. (And no, this doesn't mean I am a Warrior Woman...I am cautious by nature...I just don't allow fear to get in my way!)
My built in accountability to make sure that I never get into that pit again is the Holy Spirit who leads and directs me. It is my desperate prayer that I never quench hearing Him lead. God has been gracious enough to also place some AWESOME women around me to keep me focused on Christ. I have never felt so "covered" and surrounded by God's grace and love as I do here, in December 2011.
I am thankful that God did not listen to my plans in December 2008. I am thankful that He is a confident God who certainly doesn't need my little suggestions. This was reinforced to me in my recently finished bible study in Deuteronomy. God is absolutely in control!!! Also, each of us have a choice. If you choose Obedience...you receive Blessings. If you choose Disobedience...you receive Discipline. It's the same concept I have taught my own children for years and yet it rings true even for me with my Father. I choose to Obey God. Why? Reverent fear of what He can do and Pure Adoration for Who He is.
I have been walking with the Lord since 1986 but this past three years have been the most precious to me for it's where I began to see the heart of God. As with any person, you can know of them or even know them, but you will not know the heart/spirit of them until you spend quality time with them. I pray the Holy Spirit will continue to speak louder than my own voice. I pray my ears hear what He wants me to hear. I pray my eyes see what He needs me to see. I pray my mind is captivated and consumed by His Word, truth and promises and not my own meaningless thoughts. I pray my desires are satisfied in Him alone. I pray my time is guarded by Him. I pray for a protection around each covenant relationship I share. I pray I listen!!! I pray I obey!!!! I remember that the Lord my God brought me out of the land of Egypt with His mighty hand and outstretched arm!!! YES HE DID!!!
He rescued me! He can rescue you!!! Won't you trust Him to walk you where you need to go...give up the reins and let Him lead you. Happy anniversary Creator of Life!!!! Thank You for the life You have given me. Thank You for Your blessings! ALL power and glory is Yours. amen!!!