Shackled Joy

As far back as I can remember, I’ve been intimidated by strong personalities. In this new season of personal reflection and growth, I have come to realize it was the fear of courage and strength, so weird. Something I needed, and wanted... yet feared. I see it in others and wish that could be me, but it wasn't. Why?!? The enemy is very slick and patient.

Physical Fear: I grew up in a school where fist fights during the lunch break were a daily thing, bullies ran the hallways, assaults in our community seemed overwhelming. As a young girl, the fear was real and there seemed to be no escaping it. I knew it was just a matter of time before I might fall victim to the whim of evil. Watching the news was only affirmation that we lived in an unsafe and powerful world and strong people were threats to my personal safety. My soul was cornered by fear, terrified to live but happy to be alive if that even makes sense.
Over the years, I avoided people or environments that involved intense emotions, violence, power, anger, usually alcohol was center stage. Making the wrong move in public, saying something negative to someone, feeling angry myself, being around large groups, being around people who were drinking, hearing people argue, watching wrestling or boxing on tv or in real life triggered me into a flight mode. 

Emotional Fear: Becoming a Mom was the greatest joy and the greatest fear in my life. How was I going to keep my baby safe (physical) and make all the right choices (emotional)?! What if I messed up, what if other Moms saw my “less than” because my kids didn’t have the new trendy clothes, or didn’t like veggies, didn’t have a bday party every year, what if teachers judged me that my kids didn’t have a salad in their daily lunch or a homemade cookie or thought I was uncaring for not making cupcakes for the class on every party day. Fear always says what if you don’t measure up...everyone will know.

People pleasing was a coping mechanism to avoid arguments and conflict. I am a Lead with the Heart personality, yet inside fear was the guiding voice of all my “shouldas” and “havetas.” Decisions were made based on the presumed consequesnces if I didn’t do something rather than seeing the blessings if I did. Keeping peace and felling protection meant I was passive. Often, a doormat. It was just easier, so I felt. I easily followed and never led. Fear created what felt like a sort of safe zone for me. Power triggered fear. Strong personalities were loose canons to me. Loudness was intimidating. Parties and crowds felt like traps not quickly escaped.

Fear keeps us running circles around our own thoughts and controls our behaviors. Fear shrinks us but faith strengthens us. To be sure, I am a Christ Follower, I have faith...I just didn’t know how to have safe courage. Bravery, boldness, and leadership seemed like it was something everyone else had and some thing I just didn't have. The End. So I thought.

Fear has been a clever and quiet controller almost all my life. Perfectionism and people pleasing shaped me and guarded me even though my heart had hidden joy for life inside. The mask of Joy I wore daily seemed real. I had become really good at hiding insecurity and fear. Fear shackled my joy. Any decision that could involve conflict or failure were avoided to certain degrees in every area of my life. I still married, still became a Mom, still served in ministry and leadership but it was all done in shackled joy.

But God...The Lord is not going to sit back and watch His children remain shackled. We’ve been created for a purpose and equipped to accomplish it through Him and His strength, despite our weaknesses and insecurities because He is able, because He is Lord and He created each of us with a purpose in mind. His Grace is more than enough and we can walk in it boldly, confidently and powerfully. 

I used to fear-fear God. After all, He’s very powerful. But in His grace, and in the battle for my joy in the heavenly places I cannot see, He has been fighting for me. The very thing that terrified me, He’s been doing on my behalf, fighting huge battle to protect me, and not harm me. He has shown me that fighting is often necessary and righteous fear, fearing the right things is healthy. I am thankful for the gift of discernment I have always had to sense evil intentions but instead of the awareness crippling me, it now empowers me to be on guard and aware. There is a real battle for our hearts and our minds and we actually do have to fight. We should get angry about injustice and sin, while not sinning. We need fear in its rightful place under our feet. It can motivate us, but it will not lead us.

For us shy and recovering insecure girls, sensing power in ourself is scary at first. Those of you with bold, courageous personalities probably won’t understand any of this and it’s ok but I pray it opens your eyes to give extra grace to those in your life facing their fears, that you may lead by patient example, interceding for the release of the chains that hold them down.

Shackles are breaking and joy is being released! The weight of expectations, is so heavy. As Worship increases, so do Faith and Peace. Faith deepens our trust and when we trust deeper, we have Peace and when we have Peace, we have joy. As I learn to walk courageously against fear, my joy has increased. I recognize on this side of healing that fear is something that can shrink while courage magnifies joy, hope, faith and love. There is no joy in fear. If you feel scared, depleted, anxious, exhausted, cornered, judged, useless...you would be wise to check what you are bound to. A spirit bound to fear will drown but a spirit bound to Christ will soar. 

Friend, the Cross has set you free because of the blood of Jesus. The enemy knows this and is hoping you forget! This is why I blog and am kicking down walls fear built because I know I haven't been alone in this and I have experienced this beautiful freedom and can't help but share it to release the hold of fear for just one other person. I get it. Our minds are powerful things but the enemy seeks to control it and you must saturate yourself in The Word and dwell on the Truths in there. Once you wrap your head around the fact you are a Child of God, you have the victory in battle, you have the power of the Holy God living in you as a Believer...your world will change! The way you see it and the way you live it.

You are gonna have to fight! Yes, it will be awkward at first but it will free you! Fear can stop growing but you have to take charge! You have to step out in Grace and Faith with zeal and trust! You are more than a conqueror friend and there is more to this life than you just getting through it. You do have a purpose. Your paycheck, your title, your social media likes are not affirmation to your value. You are made in the image of God and were created for a life of purpose and hope, life and joy, peace that surpasses all understanding. You can walk through fire. You can do amazing things scared. Just lean into His strength and receive grace to make mistakes knowing you aren't a failure. You are simply figuring it out by faith. 

Ask the Lord to show you the people in your life who are authentically walking by faith and not fear. I would dare to say He has placed people around you with the iron sharpening tools you need but you've been too afraid to approach them and truly embrace relationships with them, because you're too afraid of being hurt or of failing in front of them. Cut off those fears and go to them. Share with them the journey you are on and let them see your heart. Ask them to be praying for you and ask for mentorship or wisdom in areas in your life you want to grow. I could not have done it without mine. 

Take courage and take up your iron. It's time to get up and gird up! Oh how grateful I am to have these iron sharpeners in my life, and some are unaware of their witness of example to me. I see them. They encourage me greatly.

Do not allow the enemy to shackel your joy anymore. Today, choose Joy. Today, stop fearing fear, stop worrying about measuring up to others or with others. Turn back your eyes to the Cross of Victory and look at the Empty Tomb of a risen Lord who dwells with you as you go and has conquered death. You are not alone and life will not ever be perfect and easy. But God. He stands near with outstretched arms to hold you close and show you The Way to joy, peace, and love. Love has set you FREE! Now walk in it!‬‬

Romans 8: "5 For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit. 

6 For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace.

For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, "Abba! Father!" 

16 The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, 

17 and if children, then heirs--heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him.

18 For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.

Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. 

27 And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. 

28 And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.

What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? 

32 He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? 

33 Who shall bring any charge against God's elect? It is God who justifies. 

34 Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died--more than that, who was raised--who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us. 

35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? 

36 As it is written, "For your sake we are being killed all the day long; we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered." 

37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 

38 For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, 

39 nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord." 

There are many verses in The Bible on fear, hope, courage, confidence and joy. Type whatever you are struggling with in the search bar of your Bible App or look in the index in the back of your Bible and start reading and reflecting on Truth! It is the Power to set you FREE!

“To me, though I am the very least of all the saints, this grace was given, to preach to the Gentiles the unsearchable riches of Christ, and to bring to light for everyone what is the plan of the mystery hidden for ages in God, who created all things, so that through the church the manifold wisdom of God might now be made known to the rulers and authorities in the heavenly places. This was according to the eternal purpose that he has realized in Christ Jesus our Lord, in whom we have boldness and access with confidence through our faith in Him.”

‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭3:8-12‬ ‭ESV

I Just Assumed...not any more!

I met a new friend this past week and in our "get to know" moment as we shared our story, a sentence came out of my mouth I had never thought of before and certainly had never said. I can only assume it was a God moment. Sometimes my assumption are right. Sometimes they are wrong.
Being the new (guy) gal in the community, I have been asked close to hundred times now, "What's your story? Why are you here?" Each time I get to share, God reminds me of His plan and the perfection of His timing. Last week was really no different...same testimony, different new friend. After sharing the summary of details and God's divine leading us in our move to Florida, I said these "crazy" words as a summery point of how God has been working on me over the past several years. This phrase came out my mouth for the first time... Assumptive Living. Assumptive Living. I said, "God has taken me from living a life of assumptive living to intentional living." I sat kinda of dumb founded for a minute trying to process why in the world did I just say that. 
Over the past several years, God has been walking me though Intentional Living. So much so, he even brought a dear Mentor and Friend into my life who actually used those words every time she talked. God could not have been obvious. She was a huge part of the refining process my heart and mind needed to endure and be shaped by. Knowing why I do what I do. Choosing to own my actions and not play the blame game in life. Stepping out in courage after the things God calls me to. Being intentional about growing in my knowledge and deepening my love with my Savior and Abba Father. But the years before this....not so much. I intentionally...assumed.
I have always described my personality issues as anxious and shy. One who fears the unknown, a follower not a leader. But then there were these words...Assumptive Living...wow. It was true. I had never thought about that before. For most of my life, I have been fearful and anxious. I feel it inside me, raised blood pressure and heart racing, feeling as if I couldn't breath. Double checking everything I do in fear of judgement, which would lead to fear of rejection. Ever watchful of my surrounding, fearful of personal harm to me or my kids. Choosing to always follow to avoid failing. Avoiding others or opportunities felt safer to me than putting myself out there. I assumed the worst. I assumed. There it was. Assumptive Living.
If we go through life assuming we will fail, we will never try. We will never accomplish what we have been called to do. If we assume rejection, we will never have victory or courage to embrace and enjoy meaning relationships and friendships or partnerships in the work place. If we assume someone is always looking to harm us or one of our loved ones, we will never fully appreciate the beauty of God's creation. We will see so narrowly, that we miss the big picture. What kind of life is Assumptive Living? I will tell you. 
It's one thing to assume the worst and plan for the worst verses planning for the worst and hoping for the best. I realize now in hindsight how much anxiety and fear I self-created simply by assuming. How I must have grieved the heart of God with how I lived so wrongly fearful and anxious...never resting in His arms or grasping my identity in His Name. Oh the power I didn't claim, the grace I rejected, the blessings I missed. Something no one else knew, and I didn't even recognize myself back then. Thank God, His mercies are new every morning! Lamentation 3!! Looking back, my identity was not His...
I assumed I wouldn't be successful. Inadequate
I assumed I was making wrong choices. Doubting
I assumed my friend would not like me once they got to know me. Insecure
I assumed everyone else must be right, assuming they must be more intelligent or talented than I. Minimal 
I assumed I was the "lesser than" of the group. Pitiful
I assumed others could do it better, whatever "it" was at the time. Dumb
I assumed my husband would find other women sexier than me. Ugly
I assumed other parents has mastered this thing called parenting. Judgement
I assumed all the other Stay At Home Moms had perfectly cleaned house and dinner prepped for week on Sunday and all their clothes were in their rightful place. Comparison
I just assumed everything, even spiritually....
I assumed God loved me because that is what I had been taught in every church, in every Bible study, at every conference. 
I assumed and hoped He would always be with me. 
I assumed and hoped He would give me Peace when I needed it. 
I assumed and hoped He would be my Rock, my Comfort, my Healer.
Seriously, what a horrible way to live! Assuming everything...not knowing anything except doubt and fear, always hoping for being right. With a smile always on my face, no one could have known, and even today, people don't see the splinters, scars and thorns. Grace, Grace, Amazing Grace!!!! I have learned to receive Grace. I have learned not only Who God is personally, but who that makes me as His child. What an amazing feeling inside your soul when you know that you know. When someone asks you why, and you can confidently give an answer to the hope and the reason of your life.
God, gracious and gentle, looooong suffering over me, for sure, gave me the opportunity to get over living life assumptively. Through a season of panic attacks and anxiety attacks, I had to do some deep heart, soul, mind and spirit searching! 
I assumed I could handle life controlling myself, my circumstances and others. Here is where I learned my assumptions were all wrong. 
I assumed the life I was trying so hard to be perfect at would be the best life. Wrong! My best life has been lived ever since. The best life is living an intentional life!
How great to walk through a day nervous, sure. Feeling a little insecure, sure....yet doing life anyway! I certainly haven't arrived, and I still find thorns to pull out of my flesh at times, but how grateful I am to get the chance to have a do-over in this life! Every day I get to be more intentional! Thank You Lord for being steadfastly intentional for me!!
I know that I know God has a plan to prosper me and not harm me. Jeremiah 29
I know that I know He will never leave me. Deuteronomy 31
I know that I know He forgives me, loves me and hears me. John 3
I know that I know He is the Orchestrator of my life, leading me in my endeavors, my relationships, in my parenting, friendships, service, ministry, etc. Isaiah 40
I know that I know nothing escapes His care or His provision. 
Yes, bad things will still happen this side of eternity, but I know that I know I am Redeemed by the Great I Am. I am protected by The King of Kings. I am not a loss cause. I am not alone. I know that I know He hears my cries and my prayers and rejoices in my accomplishments even if I have failed the 10 times before. 
I know that I know God loves every single one of us and has a divinely great plan for a beautiful life, free of....assumptions!
If this is you too, (I am assuming I am not the only one who has been here), don't assume another day. Live fully, embracing each day's plan and grace for every moment. Be intentional in knowing what it is you need to get your head and heart wrapped around, to bring glory to the One Intentional God. How? Let go of being in control and Trust The Only Faithful and Steadfast One. Surrender your fears and assumptions into Hope Himself. You must be in His Word. You must pray and talk to Him, learning to listen for His voice. How else will you know Him? It was through digging into His Word searching for Him, worshiping Him in truth, not feeling. Praying in petition and in waiting for His response. It was remembering Who was in charge of my life, the comings and goings, the direction and the provision of every day. Calling out to The One I knew heard me, saw me and held me. Knowing in my head the Truth while embracing the Heart of The One who held mine together. It was remembering that God was ultimately in control and I needed to trust Him, loving Him above all else, with all my heart and might.
Life is best lived, intentionally living and loving, giving life and blessings, while receiving life and blessings!! Life is good because God is good! Hallelujah!!!!!
Thank You Lord for intentionally creating the world, and all that is within it, seen and unseen. Thank You for the grace You alone cover us with so that we can work out our insecurities, inadequacies, our callings for Your glory this side of Heaven. May we never assume Your love, mercy, forgiveness, peace, comfort. May we never assume Your grace will run out. Help us in our minds to embrace the knowledge of who You are and help our hearts to grasp how deep and wide Your love for us is. God, we are so sorry for taking the weight of burdens in this life upon our own shoulders. May we call to mind Your love and friendship that are never ceasing. Thank You for Your Word to teach us what we need to know. Thank You for your friendship and Fatherhood that proves it. Thank You Holy Spirit for leading us, encouraging us, prompting us to remember and to worship in truth! You are a great, great God...I know that I know this is true!! Bless Your Holy Name, amen.

Psalm 57, "Be merciful to me, O God, be merciful to me, for in you my soul takes refuge; in the shadow of your wings I will take refuge, till the storms of destruction pass by.  

I cry out to God Most High, to God who fulfills his purpose for me. He will send from heaven and save me; he will put to shame him who tramples on me.
God will send out his steadfast love and his faithfulness! My soul is in the midst of lions; I lie down amid fiery beasts-- the children of man, whose teeth are spears and arrows, whose tongues are sharp swords. Be exalted, O God, above the heavens!

Let your glory be over all the earth! They set a net for my steps; my soul was bowed down. They dug a pit in my way, but they have fallen into it themselves.
My heart is steadfast, O God, my heart is steadfast! I will sing and make melody! Awake, my glory! Awake, O harp and lyre! I will awake the dawn! I will give thanks to you, O Lord, among the peoples; I will sing praises to you among the nations. For your steadfast love is great to the heavens, your faithfulness to the clouds.

Be exalted, O God, above the heavens! Let your glory be over all the earth!"

Giving Grace and Love in The Body

*Disclaimer: This as always is from my personal testimony and not something I have received from any study, book or degree!! I am just a Blogger wanting to share from the heart of me, with the best of intentions, vulnerability and truthfulness, WhereFaithIs for me:) 

I know, you can't help it...we, speaking from the person sitting on the pews, look at those in our church in leadership positions and expect, or maybe assume perfection from them. Surely, if they are called into ministry not only must they have an "inside line" to God, they must be all-knowing and therefore all-doing in The Word. They've trained right? So they know everything about the Bible and live it out perfectly, right? Wrong.

There was a time those used to be my truthful assumptions about those in ministry, until we served on staff back beginning in 1991 and have continued to serve in leadership roles within the church. We are certainly NOT perfect. 

As it happens, the more time you spend with someone, the more you get to know them. Serving together, you obviously spend more time together outside the church walls planning and serving and you have opportunities to see them in their "home" environment. You get to see those moments of exhaustion, hurt, frustration, waiting, not-knowing, illness, struggles. You get to see them. It's often a guard that is very hard for them to let down all the way. 

I would put those in ministry with those who serve as emergency personnel and counseling professionals....for that matter, even a parent. They may clock out at 5pm, but they do not check out at 5pm. Their emails and cells must be kept ready and available for those who need help. It takes great discipline to be fully "at home" when you are at home with your family, and rest, and be Mommy or Daddy and a Spouse.

God has blessed Josh and I hugely with the majority of our dearest and closest friends being called and now serving in full time ministry. Our friends are lead Pastors, Associates Pastors, Deacons, Women Ministers, Music Ministers, Children's Ministers, Youth Ministers. While they are the same person with us on vacation as they are at the pulpit of their local church, the way in which we relate to them depends on where we are. We immediately come under the authority of our friend when they step into their role as "pastor" over us. You don't toss out high-5's and joke around so casually and poke fun at each other. There is a respect you have for them as authority over you in the House of the Lord that is different. 

My heart breaks when I see those in ministry under attack for making a mistake. Do we really think they won't? (Understanding there is a difference between foolishness and unintentional.) The scriptures tell us that "all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God" and that is "all." That includes those in ministry, at any level. 

There are expectations that those of us in ministry put on ourselves as we desire to reflect Christ perfectly, show God's Oneness through our prefect little marriage and exactly how to "train up" our perfect little children in the Lord, all the while having perfect behaviors, perfect words, perfect answers, all to the glory of God. We try to be the perfection of Christ all the while exhausting ourselves and beating ourself up on the inside from failing to be able to be,....perfect.

Then for those of us sitting on the pews, we expect and assume perfection from those standing before us, telling us what and how our walk and our sin and our family should be like. "Who are they to say that when they...." 

How clever is Satan to create such a black hole of judgement and condemnation within the Body in which whose sole desire is to honor him!

Those in ministry are just like you an me. They came from the womb- just like us, were created in the image of God- just like us, they sin- just like us, they struggle- just like us and they work hard at what they do in their career- just like us. They are flesh- just like us. Their hearts get hurt, grow tired and weary, their children talk back and disobey, they have bills to pay- just like us. They are human. Let's not forget that. 

In times of failures or struggles, those in ministry need to be reminded of grace with truth in love, you are just human-just like us. The difference is they have been called to Shepherd a flock for the Lord's Sake and while there is a great weight of responsibility, I am not denying the gravity of their accountability before the Lord. They will be held with accountability as they stand before the Lord for their personal walk with the Lord as well as giving account for the many God gave them responsibility for in His Name. Just as the Husband will give account for those in his family's spiritual condition, so will the Pastor of his family at home and his Church Family. That's a heavy burden!

I say all this to say, may we give grace and realistic expectations to those God has placed in authority over us in our church. Honor them, respect their leadership, understanding they are fearfully and reverently serving the Lord with excellence. They carry enough weight on their own accord without us adding more. 

Be kind and helpful, speaking truth in love when necessary. Offer hospitality and support, affirm their service to the Body, and pray, pray, pray for them as the attacks spiritually are great that they would be deeply rooted into God's fertile soil and resist devastation in times of crisis. Pray for balance in their roles within the church and outside. Pray for them to have times of consistent joyful rest. Pray for their personal walks with the Lord be rich and satisfying, alive, fruitful and invigorating! 

Let us in the pews be loyal as we serve as another part of the Body with them. Really, we are all called into ministry as Disciples of Christ. That reality hit me in the gut at one time and awoke me to my own responsibility, the burden I carry with all parts of the Body. Think about it, the neck must hold up the head and yet I must have a head to function! It takes a body to be a Body! Together, we are a Body as Believers in Christ Jesus.

If God has allowed you to be a friend of a leader/minister, be a loyal friend to them. Come alongside and be genuine, be available, give them freedom to breath and absolutely, especially, be a safe place of confidentiality, encouragement and sharpening. Be friends without titles. What a rich friendship it is when you can not only serve together, but play together, sharing all aspects of your life with them. That is a trusted treasure! 

So, whether you are the one in ministry or the one on the pew, remember the standard of perfection you are looking for can only be achieved by the Lord our God. Understand your humanness. There is such freedom when we acknowledge our imperfection and expect there to be mistakes even as we strive for excellence. (No, that does not give us permission to sin, rather comforting humility to know that despite our best efforts, we will sin in moments we miss the mark.) 

May Satan's black hole not suck us into despair when we do, but may we stand firm on the Rock, our Sure Foundation, Who gives us strength and saving love! God, help us to give and receive grace upon grace for His Name's Sake remembering that we are redeemed! You Lord God Almighty are All To Us and no one is Perfect but You! We praise You and adore You forever and ever! Glory and Honor and Grace, amen.

"Now there are varieties of gifts, but the same Spirit; and there are varieties of service, but the same Lord; and there are varieties of activities, but it is the same God who empowers them all in everyone.  To each is given the manifestation of the Spirit for the common good." 1 Corinthians 12:4-7

(Click on the link to worship...)

Precious cornerstone, sure foundation

You are faithful to the end

We are waiting, on You, Jesus

We believe You're all to us

Let the glory of Your name be the passion of the Church

Let the righteousness of God be a holy flame that burns

Let the saving love of Christ be the measure of our lives

We believe, You're all to us" Chris Tomlin, All to Us