"I am hard pressed between the two. My desire is to depart and be with Christ, for that is far better. But to remain in the flesh is more necessary on your account.
Convinced of this, I know that I will remain and continue with you all, for your progress and joy in the faith, so that in me you may have ample cause to glory in Christ Jesus, because of my coming to you again." - Philippians 1:23-26
What a conversation it was. This was the essence of my conversation with the Lord beginning in December 2008. Better is one day with Him than thousands elsewhere, and I wanted so badly to feel His presence again...I knew He wasn't done with me, so I always hoped...oh Lord give me Grace, give me hope, give me courage to be Your Light and Encouragement to others. Use me to be Your hugs here on Earth to those who don't feel them. For those who feel useless and unseen, less than and yet want so badly to share Light and Love in Your name, Please Lord, I wish it could be Me!
That has always been my desire and my hope for life and ministry. I have always desired to love God and others with all my heart but that soul mission led by love, was controlled by fear. All the What if's and I can'ts became part of my being. I was the most prepared person for defeat because fear was my active middle name, not Eileen which was what my Mom had given.
Today marks 10 years since the beginning of what would be a transforming season of redefining, refining, and heavy sifting. I could write longer than you'd care to read about this journey and all I have learned but I will spare you as this is lengthy enough.
In that season I was madder than I had ever been at God in my life and then more in love with Him than I had ever been in my life. It was a gloriously intense season. I am thankful God doesn't answer exactly what we ask, but chooses to allow what is for our good, that He may receive all the glory. Remember this when you too face hard moments or seasons. I promise you, He is up to something for you, not against you.
Satan may be whispering in your ear...give up...you don't matter...no one will miss you if you're not here...God doesn't really love you like He loves others...you won't ever get over "it"...God won't remain patient with you...you'll never be good enough...God can't use you...you're not able...you're not enough...So many other people will do it better than you...etc. Absolute LIES!! These are lies from the the great deceiver.
Friend, You are loved, cherished, covered, forgiven, enough, ready, equipped, necessary and instrumental to the glory of God! Every drop of blood He gave, was meant for you too! He wants you, and others need you!! God has planned a purposeful life for you and only He knows how many days that will be for each of us so who are we to be wasteful or careless with these precious breaths?!?
So today especially I count it all joy for the season of great pain and fear for it was there I came out out of the prison without chains, out of the firery furnace whole. I walked away from the constant bullying of a goliath who stood tall in my face since childhood. Thanks to The Lord's mercy, fear no longer controlled me or shackled me, now Love could truly lead.
Oh the blessings of seeing the God's heart over these past 10 years in every area of my life. Joy floods my soul and blows my mind. Fear is not the comfort zone you think it is. It's a cage but good news friend...you can break out of it in Jesus Name! So many Believers suffer in silence with defeating thoughts or behaviors, shamed and embarrassed, so if this is YOU, I am challenging you to:
-tell someone trustworthy and keep accountability
-pray without ceasing
-fight the war with weapons unseen
-seek intercessors who will fight for you, reminding you Who's you are
-walk through the fire courageously anticipating a beautiful refining when you're out the other side and do not fear
-get stronger not weaker surrounded by likeminded people and walk by faith
-memorize and meditate on His promises
-worship in all you say, do and think.
Need some practical advice?!? I know this sounds impossible right now, but trust me...serve somewhere. I know you probably don't feel like it, but do it! Get outside of your own square footage. Do an act of kindness. Get out of the house. Go for a walk, invite a friend to join you. Fear and shame isolates us. Break out of that pit and see!
Need even more practical suggestions?!? Drink lots of water, eat a good healthy meal and watch your caffeine intake. Get up and move! Walk, dance, clean, serve! Do not just sit around and sulk. Pray without ceasing and count your blessings!!
More? Start a Blessing Journal and write down a minimum of one a day then SAY IT ALOUD. Understand the Love your Father has for you!! Wrap your mind around the the fact He has created you to be His. He sees you right where you are. Nothing escapes Him. Together, we are a city on a hill for the nations! Turn up that worship music and dance! Sing it with purpose and declaration so the enemy cringes and flees. Let him understand he cannot cage you anymore.
Stay strong and rebuke the lies of the enemy. Satan is not for you. He wants to destroy you. God saves!! God is our joy, peace and hope forever! His Grace is all you need and by faith, when you surrender to His care, He will flood you with Peace that surpasses all understanding. Breath in His Grace and be still that anxious soul. He's got you and He won't let you go!!!
May every day be a day we count as joy to be loved by The Great I Am, for His mercies are new every morning and His heart bleeds for ours. Rejoice always. Give thanks. Dwell in His abundance and trust His ways. May this be our battle plan!!! Going to church is not the answer, memorizing Scripture is not the answer, praying loud is not the answer. Jesus is the Answer and resting in Him, worshiping Him and receiving His great love is the fullness of Life! Jesus is not looking for performers. He is seeking hearts.
Greater is He who is in us than he who is in the world. We are more than conquerers! We are His! Nothing can separate us from the love of God! Amen.
Don't give up! Don't quit. Nothing can hinder what God has planned. Will you trust Him enough by faith? Our healing and help begins with Love Himself. Seek Him. If you need more help, reach out to a counselor or pastor and ask for it! It's never too late. Mercies are new every day!
Don't let today's pain keep you from all the tomorrows' blessings!! You are more than a Conquerer and He's making all things new!! Let everything that has breath praise the Lord!!
Thanking God today, for not allowing me to live another day shackled to fear and insecurity. There are thorns. There are scars. There are more layers to unravel in the process of healing and growth and it's okay.
God knows. God hears. God is near and He loves you! Live fully in this freedom! You are not alone, ever!
Thankful for Love, Grace, Hearts and Hope!! God, You have my heart!!! Thank You for Yours for me!! In You I rest and live, amen.
Today marks 10 years since the beginning of what would be a transforming season of redefining, refining, and heavy sifting. I could write longer than you'd care to read about this journey and all I have learned but I will spare you as this is lengthy enough.
This is Where Faith Is birthed from. A place of journaling, processing, exposing, sharing, ministering and documenting. Looking back, that time was painful and terrifying, and yet divine and exhilarating. Intense for a season but growth for a lifetime! As much as I prayed for the Lord to restore me back "the way life was", I am glad He didn't. I didn't know life without fear until it was gone and there was no going back! Freedom is incredible and life altering.
In that season I was madder than I had ever been at God in my life and then more in love with Him than I had ever been in my life. It was a gloriously intense season. I am thankful God doesn't answer exactly what we ask, but chooses to allow what is for our good, that He may receive all the glory. Remember this when you too face hard moments or seasons. I promise you, He is up to something for you, not against you.
We may not ever fully understand or see the fruit of suffering, but there is a trust that is foundational to the hope we must stand on even when, especially when, we cannot see.
Satan may be whispering in your ear...give up...you don't matter...no one will miss you if you're not here...God doesn't really love you like He loves others...you won't ever get over "it"...God won't remain patient with you...you'll never be good enough...God can't use you...you're not able...you're not enough...So many other people will do it better than you...etc. Absolute LIES!! These are lies from the the great deceiver.
Friend, You are loved, cherished, covered, forgiven, enough, ready, equipped, necessary and instrumental to the glory of God! Every drop of blood He gave, was meant for you too! He wants you, and others need you!! God has planned a purposeful life for you and only He knows how many days that will be for each of us so who are we to be wasteful or careless with these precious breaths?!?
The sheep do not instruct the Shepherd, nor does the clay teach the Potter. What a wonderful day when we learn to live each day fully, without regret, without fear, without worry. Even in trials, we are being refined and strengthened as we are walking through Fire which doesn't burn, because He is near.
So today especially I count it all joy for the season of great pain and fear for it was there I came out out of the prison without chains, out of the firery furnace whole. I walked away from the constant bullying of a goliath who stood tall in my face since childhood. Thanks to The Lord's mercy, fear no longer controlled me or shackled me, now Love could truly lead.
Although my salvation gives me eternal freedom, through my relationship with Christ, I have learned the blessing and reality of earthly freedom. I am learning to live authentically as the person God created me to be, fully embracing Grace as my hope and redemption as the reason, the only power I need for the purpose I was created for, to walk out each day courageously and reflecting the glory of God, so that others will discover their freedom too through the words of my testimony.
I didn't realize I was tethered to defeat deep in the pit of fear. It's just what I knew. My perfectionism and fear of judgement kept me careful and cautious, cornered into a comfort zone I falsely believed I would surely honor God because there, I would not disappoint, because I did not fail, because I did not commit to things I didn't feel I could do. Fear, in the name of humility, became my identity and dictated my choices and impacted my ministry, my marriage and most every area of my life. Choices that made me small.
I excused my shy and unqualified self as reasons to avoid leadership opportunities. I recognized and accepted my place in the Can'ts because it just felt easier and a place I wouldn't disappoint others. But God...the Great I Am who Is and says I Can. Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound...I once was blind but now I see! If you don't see the chains, how will you ever break them? If you don't ever climb out of the pit, how will you see life, Light and love? If you don't choose action and harvest, how will you ever experience growth? We must first allow His truths to speak to us, then we must BELIEVE them!
Jesus is faithful hope. Jesus is stronger than you and therefore will conquer all you cannot. Jesus loves without condition. Christ our Lord forgives, and has already counted the cost of your unbelief and sins and He paid it in full! He loves you!!! How amazing! When we truly grasp this truth and live our life as if it's true, what joy! What freedom!
Oh the blessings of seeing the God's heart over these past 10 years in every area of my life. Joy floods my soul and blows my mind. Fear is not the comfort zone you think it is. It's a cage but good news friend...you can break out of it in Jesus Name! So many Believers suffer in silence with defeating thoughts or behaviors, shamed and embarrassed, so if this is YOU, I am challenging you to:
-tell someone trustworthy and keep accountability
-pray without ceasing
-fight the war with weapons unseen
-seek intercessors who will fight for you, reminding you Who's you are
-walk through the fire courageously anticipating a beautiful refining when you're out the other side and do not fear
-get stronger not weaker surrounded by likeminded people and walk by faith
-memorize and meditate on His promises
-worship in all you say, do and think.
Need some practical advice?!? I know this sounds impossible right now, but trust me...serve somewhere. I know you probably don't feel like it, but do it! Get outside of your own square footage. Do an act of kindness. Get out of the house. Go for a walk, invite a friend to join you. Fear and shame isolates us. Break out of that pit and see!
Need even more practical suggestions?!? Drink lots of water, eat a good healthy meal and watch your caffeine intake. Get up and move! Walk, dance, clean, serve! Do not just sit around and sulk. Pray without ceasing and count your blessings!!
More? Start a Blessing Journal and write down a minimum of one a day then SAY IT ALOUD. Understand the Love your Father has for you!! Wrap your mind around the the fact He has created you to be His. He sees you right where you are. Nothing escapes Him. Together, we are a city on a hill for the nations! Turn up that worship music and dance! Sing it with purpose and declaration so the enemy cringes and flees. Let him understand he cannot cage you anymore.
Stay strong and rebuke the lies of the enemy. Satan is not for you. He wants to destroy you. God saves!! God is our joy, peace and hope forever! His Grace is all you need and by faith, when you surrender to His care, He will flood you with Peace that surpasses all understanding. Breath in His Grace and be still that anxious soul. He's got you and He won't let you go!!!
May every day be a day we count as joy to be loved by The Great I Am, for His mercies are new every morning and His heart bleeds for ours. Rejoice always. Give thanks. Dwell in His abundance and trust His ways. May this be our battle plan!!! Going to church is not the answer, memorizing Scripture is not the answer, praying loud is not the answer. Jesus is the Answer and resting in Him, worshiping Him and receiving His great love is the fullness of Life! Jesus is not looking for performers. He is seeking hearts.
Greater is He who is in us than he who is in the world. We are more than conquerers! We are His! Nothing can separate us from the love of God! Amen.
Don't give up! Don't quit. Nothing can hinder what God has planned. Will you trust Him enough by faith? Our healing and help begins with Love Himself. Seek Him. If you need more help, reach out to a counselor or pastor and ask for it! It's never too late. Mercies are new every day!
Don't let today's pain keep you from all the tomorrows' blessings!! You are more than a Conquerer and He's making all things new!! Let everything that has breath praise the Lord!!
Thanking God today, for not allowing me to live another day shackled to fear and insecurity. There are thorns. There are scars. There are more layers to unravel in the process of healing and growth and it's okay.
I never want to forget what it took to bring me to the feet of the Cross where Christ was all I had.
To know His breath.
To hear His voice.
To experience His touch.
Oh how wonderful the Prince of Peace.
I look forward to every day with my Sweet Savior, King, Father, and Friend knowing He provides for the purpose He has called me to even when I am clueless or feel lost.
Don't be surprised at continued trials and temptations, there will always be "those" days in every season. Until the day of Glory, He is still working in us and the enemy is still lurking. Stand firm in the Father's arms, He's got you!
God knows. God hears. God is near and He loves you! Live fully in this freedom! You are not alone, ever!
Thankful for Love, Grace, Hearts and Hope!! God, You have my heart!!! Thank You for Yours for me!! In You I rest and live, amen.
