I'm a Christian...Now What?

Now What? You've heard of that moment in a person's life. Their eyes are opened. Heart changed. Habits broken. A renewed heart and soul. They have this glowing essence of joy about them...they have accepted Christ as their personal Lord and Savior. And then it happened to you. Hallelujah! Now what? 
The assumed "fairy dust" of perfection, divine knowledge, eyes to see everything God sees, has failed you, or you find yourself asking what you have done wrong. We made this decision to lead a pure and blameless life, but how? What do we do?
We assume the Holy Spirit would be like a fairy of special powers to reveal all of life's answers the moment we invite Him to dwell within us. Like a Magic 8 ball you shake to get the divine, magical answer. He does work divinely...but He doesn't work magically. The Holy Spirit is not a Google-God. He is christ in us, available to lead, carry, encourage, correct, to show us the way God has planned and purposed for us. Prayer is our direct line to the Divine.
So what do we do now that we choose Christ to lead our life? How does this impact my marriage, my family, my friendships, what I do in my free time, the places I will go now? How do I worship, pray, study, parent and be an excellent wife? What now?
This was the conversation a friend and I were having recently at lunch. She asked, How do I do this? She had been saved several years ago but hadn't been intentionally mentored and was left to observe other Believers's lives (that's always scary...we are all sinners saved by grace) and has been trying to figure it out as she goes. She joined a Bible study to learn more about the Scriptures themselves but here she sat today, with a life rededicated to Him, desperate to know how she is supposed to be a Christian wife to an unbelieving husband, a Christian Mom to her kids, serve in ministry none of which she herself is sure of what hers is. How was she to lead or follow when she herself didn't know much about being a Christian? 
Churches are so good at presenting the Gospel but often fail at the last Amen of their prayer and discipleship never happens. The new Believer has no one to answer their question, What now? 
They have 2 choices: 1.) ask someone they trust or hope someone offers to walk with alongside them, or 2.) do their best on their own to read, learn and watch and hope you're doing it the best way for you. Why would we want our fellow sisters to have to figure it out when we have gleaned even a little to be shared? If God has saved us, we have a testimony of grace and what that has been like to share with others. Maybe we have forgotten or minimized our walk. Maybe our own fire has sizzled. Maybe we only see failure in our life. One thing is for sure, Satan will not be happy about connections made because he knows too well a cord of three is not easily broken. We must guard our established friendships for the same reason. God gets the glory when we stay united, honest, intentional and pure. 
I am afraid in our world of Instant Info, people find it easier to "look it up" and take whatever is the path of least resistance. I am guilty of that, thank you Google and Pinterest. What they really need is organic or intentional mentoring that helps any and every Believer throughout their lifelong journey. Thank the Lord I have this too!! I don't know where I would be in my faith if God had not blessed me with amazingly wise and willing, God-fearing, God-loving woman to help lead me navigate every area in every season over my many years. Learning and growing is a lifetime journey.
What do I do? 
We have all asked ourselves this same question at one time or another. There's always that first week, first crisis, first new friendship of sisterhood, first failure, first betrayal, first Bible study, first spiritual attack, first everything and then for every new season, a wonder how do I do this?!? We all have had our first day one day.
I was brought back to so many of my firsts, even firsts of new seasons like the one I am in parenting an adult child in college. The wonder. The fears. The prayers. The pleas. The failures. The victories. Where do I begin? What list of "things" can I share with her. 
Not knowing where to begin, I asked her what first is she trying to figure out. She said her marriage. Her husband does not share her same faith walk. While he once walked in the doors of God's house, it had been many moons since and he didn't understand her growing commitment, joy and faith. I tell you what, she is much stronger than she knows! I am inspired and awed at her commitment to walk this life in the freedom of her faith. If anyone could justify not going to church, it would be the spouse of one who doesn't. She could easily stay home and read her Bible silently alone and make the best Sunday morning breakfast anyone has ever feasted on and serve her husband by performing well. Instead, she serves well and loads up the kids for Sunday morning worship in her local church. She is learning and growing week by week, but what now? How does she do it once she walks out the doors of the church? To some degree or another, we are all trying to figure it out.
I am certainly not an expert or one who has it all figured out but I do have a life lived with both failures and victories. Some things worked out wonderfully while other choices crushed me. My personality is one of lists and long ones at that. I like details and structure more than random chance or chaos. I love reading and researching ideas and concepts of How-Tos from crafts, writing, photography, interior design and recipes to parenting, marriage and ministry. I began thinking of all the things I attempt to do as a help-mate to my husband and as a Mom to my children ranging college to elementary age. Oh how I wish I could do it all and be an excellent Proverbs 31 Woman, but I fail...constantly. Praise God my Lord and my family know my heart. They know that burnt biscuits and overcooked chicken doesn't mean I am careless and irresponsible or that I don't love them enough to provide Pinterest Pretty food. They know my heart is absolutely head over heels for them, thank God!
During our lunch, I was about to share the Proverbs 31 womanly goals we all dream of having, it hit me fresh again. The reminder how our lives are not about the things we do, or don't do. God looks at our heart. God has transformed us into new beings, we are therefore new creations and as that new creation with a new heart, it changes us as a whole. Christ in us is Christ in us. Our hopes, thoughts, behaviors, motives, filters, actions are because He lives in us. There are plenty of commandments and principles and examples to glean from in The Word and of course millions of books and plenty of conferences and workshops to learn some How Tos. The Proverbs 31 woman is a wonderful example of what it looks like in example of serving her family in her day, however what God asks us is to do is love Him and serve Him with all of our heart, and share this love with others, especially with our legacy children and future generations. Actions are simply the outward expression of our hearts. God is looking at our hearts and it is from the love we hold for our Lord that we love others.
Even though my husband is a seasoned, active in his walk Believer, the way I serve him and love him is no different than how my friend serves her husband. The ways I love, discipline and encourage my children of different ages and temperaments are the same way she will love, discipline and encourage her children. I am called to ministry, giving of my time, talents and resources for Kingdom purpose the same as she is as a new Believer. We both will do it scared but with humble adoration of God's equipping of His people to the task He has asked us to do no matter how much we know or how old our spiritual age. Our fruits (Galatians 5:22-23) to grow are the same and our love is from the same Father. We even (should be) thinking alike according to Philippians 4:8. Our lives and gifting may differ, but our Gift of Salvation and heart's aim are the same.
There really isn't much difference between us. Time is the only real difference  I have had the opportunity to build a history with my God and because of that, I have had more failures covered by grace, more victories to testify to His greatness and can call to witness His divine intervention and mighty Love! 
How do I do this? With God!!!!  
What now? Love fully! 

I am sure there was probably a shorter way to write this out, but I really wanted to get into the heart and mind of someone who might be reading this and can totally relate to the thoughts and behaviors of being that "new girl" and not knowing exactly what she is supposed to do now that she's made the choice to follow after Christ. And truthfully, you may have even accepted Christ as your Savior a hundred moons ago and yet have never sat down and had a practical, vulnerable conversation with another Believer on these things. How great and beneficial and rewarding when we do. Not only do we receive hope and encouragement, GOD receives the glory for a life lived for HIM! 
Well, I can't NOT give you some type of list to encourage you, so here it is: 

Love! Love God with all of your heart and chase hard after Him. Psalm 18:28-39

Be in His Word daily. Seek Him first in every way!  Matthew 6:33

Seek wise women of God and accountability. Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

Nourish your heart with faith, hope and love. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Find a good Women's Bible Study to glean within the hearts and lives around you. 2 Timothy 3:16-17

Serving others well and figuring out your ministry moments will come out of your love for God your Savior. Guard your heart. Deuteronomy 6:4-7

Listen to the whispers of the Holy Spirit and rebuke the whispers of Satan. 1 John 4:1-4

Confess and repent! You cannot hide from God! Don't give Satan a foothold. You are free indeed!! Luke 15:7

Begin and end every day with prayer and prayerfully wonder and worship in between. 

Share your heart and testimony with others. Matthew 5:16, Philemon 1:4-7

Remember you are loved, forgiven and precious and your mistakes and all your unknowns will never outweigh God's Grace for you. Lamentations 3:20-25, Jeremiah 29:11-13

Falling Into The Pit

Prior to 2008, I thought I knew myself pretty well and was okay with who I was. Reflecting back, I realize while I was okay with who I was, I wasn't okay with how I was. Born onto the Cradle Roll at our church by a military Dad and friend to everyone Mom, "doing the right thing" was something almost programmed into me. You add in my shy, insecure personality and there ya have your official Holy Roly, Goodie Two Shoes, always trying to be perfect and pure, not causing any issues, church girl.
I wasn't know as the loud one, party one, if anyone can do it she can (or will) or the prettiest one. I was proud to honor my Lord and my family as pure in heart and mind, never intentionally getting near trouble. My desire has always been to live "right" before God, family and others.
Years later when I entered Adulthood and soon after, Motherhood, it was at a time when the internet was taking off and the competition for commerce was in your home and phone 24/7. Back in my day, there were billboards, posters on storefronts and the occasionally mailed brochures. They were random and few. With the acceleration of technology, we have full time promotions. There are even ads you can skip, after you watch for at least 5-10 seconds.
All of a sudden, the comparison and brainwashing started to impact me. If I used that product, I would be prettier, my hair would be silky and styled, my outfits would be fresh, my car would have bluetooth (CD players back then). My baby would sleep better if I had this or be safer if I used that. We would be healthier if we bought this gadget and shopped at this store. My marriage would be happier if we went on this vacation and slept on this kind of bed. You have friends trying some of these products or ways of doing things and you wonder Should I be doing that? Is that the better way?
You can't help but wonder if it could be true, so you try.
And so it goes. Always wondering if this way is the best way, or honestly...if it's the right way vs the wrong way you are doing it. This is fear, worry, insecurity. Not that you aren't keeping an open mind of new ways to do things at home, work or in life, but you are feeling condemned at the choices and way you are doing things potentially inadequately or inefficiently...or wrongly.
After years of self-doubt and constant fear of judgement, I collapsed under the pressure into a pit. Thankfully God knew I was heading that way, and He had already lined it with grace. With the same child-like faith and heart to do right, everything about me was to seek to be better than I was. I always seem to find the best qualities in others but then instead of being sharpened by them, I felt less than because of them. I strived to be the best in every aspect, stacking myself up to the giftedness of every one else. Surely I too could take care of my home with all the homemade organic goodies and organize my home with glass jars and a label maker, hang perfectly ironed clothes in the closet and have vacuumed so well, not one dog hair would find it's way into a corner or a shelf in the house. I would do all this in my well nourished and fit body from my hours at the gym and eating from my cute garden in the back yard. Neither me or my kids would have cavities because we brush three times a day, seven days a week with the right toothpaste, never eating more sugar than recommended by the FDA. We would show up to school and church safely in our ride with side airbags and alarmed sensors. Oh how I could go on....
But there I was, in the pit, where grace softened my direct fall. It bruised me, and scared me, but it didn't kill me. It caught me. By grace, I laid empty yet so full of hope and faith for a better me. The perfect me that God has desired and created me to be. The Mom, Wife, Friend He'd be proud of. But here I lay prostrate and less than. Grace said You're enough. Grace said Just be you. Grace said Life is short. Grace said Days are meant to be lived, not wasted in worry. Grace said Do not fear more, fear less. Grace said Fear not! Grace said I am capable and you are in My hands. Grace said Follow Me. Grace said My grace is sufficient enough for you! Grace said Get up and go!
Friend, wherever you are in your life, remember Grace. You may be amazing at some things the Lord has gifted you for, but you are not equipped to have all the giftings of everyone else to make you fully awesome in everything to everyone. Jesus is the only Fully Awesome one. By grace, be you! By grace, be brave. By grace, be whole! By grace, live! Love Who's you are and how you are...saved by Grace!

"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me." 2 Corinthians 12:9 ESV

My Thinkings at the Bayou today about Deep Waters.

I was walking on the bayou this morning with my Granny-Pup and the higher the sun rose, the more she wanted to take a dip in the murky water to cool off. (Working up a good sweat myself, I admit I was a bit jealous! But the thought of snakes kept me on the dry land:) Being off her leash for the run, she has the freedom to jump in and take a dip as she pleases...however, with the freshly mowed grass around the edges of the bayou, God caused my attention to the depth of the stream. The closer we walked to the source of the flow, the deeper the water went. 
Of course, this makes sense. Have you ever jumped off a waterfall? Everyone knows that the deepest part of the waterfall is where the water pours down. The further down the stream or river you go, the shallower it gets. So, if you are going to jump, you want the deepest part, which is the closest to the source, aaaaaaaand...you want to make sure there are no underground boulders should you go for a pencil drop:) LOL!!!!! 
I happened to be listening to the Book of John on my audio Bible app and just as God was turning my attention to this seemingly "random" thought about the bayou water, my app read to me these words, "The Samaritan woman said to him, "How is it that you, a Jew, ask for a drink from me, a woman of Samaria?" (For Jews have no dealings with Samaritans.) Jesus answered her, "If you knew the gift of God, and who it is that is saying to you, 'Give me a drink,' you would have asked him, and he would have given you living water." The woman said to him, "Sir, you have nothing to draw water with, and the well is deep. Where do you get that living water? Are you greater than our father Jacob? He gave us the well and drank from it himself, as did his sons and his livestock."Jesus said to her, "Everyone who drinks of this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again. The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life."
At first I wasn't tuned in, as my thoughts were thinking about the deep water and not wanting my Granny-Pup to run and jump in, and slowly the Scriptures began to cut thru my thinkings..."the well is deep..The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up."
I stood there staring at the culvert where the source of my bayou began, processing these seemingly random thoughts and then like a flower that opens it's petals, God showed me about these deep waters. I felt the pull in my spirit to turn and look down the bayou where I had just been and I noticed all the trash piled up, the trashed that got trapped up along the edges and the algae laced water due to stagnant waters. But here, back at the beginning, at the source, it was fluid, flowing, powerful and purer, and here I stood at "the deep end."
This connected in me, the message Pastor Nathan preached to us yesterday in service...it's about the depth, not the breadth. As we walk with the Lord, the closer we get to Him (The Source), the deeper our waters get. The waters are purer, fresh, clean and abundant. However, if we walk away from The Source, the further down the river we go, we will find trash, shallow waters, stagnant growth causing impure waters. 
So, how do we find the deeper waters? How do we stay there and not float downstream? It is about drawing water from The Source of Life: The Lord, being satisfied in Him alone. His Word is the Well of Life. His well is pure and deep. Once you have taken a drink from the pure water, you won't be easily satisfied by filthy, stagnant waters any longer. But if you choose to turn away from the deeper waters and journey downstream (aka: stop reading The Word of God and stop seeking Him), there will be temptations out of desperation, to take self-satisfying, quick dips in the murky waters as you seek refreshment from the heat. Carelessly, you willing exchange the pure (eternal) water for a temporary fix, only to find that you become sick amongst the filthy waters. Left unsatisfied and desperate for a sip of cool, fresh water, you will gather strength to pull yourself out of the filth and look once again for the Source and return upstream where the Living Water flows and drink from the pure waters (aka: get back into The Word, seek forgiveness and fellowship with Him). We stay in the deep waters when we desire life. We immerse ourselves in The Word of God and see with His discerning eyes, the waters that are pure and satisfying. 
I have also found that when I have accountability in a "walking buddy" I keep moving forward. I am less likely to make excuses, get off track, jump into murky waters. If our common goal is to head upstream, it's very likely we will get there together, where the waters are gathered together (Genesis 1:9) and welling up at The Source (John 1:1-2)!!  

"...let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, with our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful. And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near." Hebrews 10:22-25 

Father God, Your well is deep. Father God, we know that You are The Source of Pure Living Water to us, if we would just come and draw from You. Quench our thirst. Holy Spirit, lead us to Your springs of water that are welling up to give us eternal life in You! God, here in the depths of the waters of Your well, we are satisfied and made clean. Forgive us Father when we choose to satisfy our selfish desire for a dip into the shallow, murky waters amongst the trash. If we could see how filthy the water really was, we would wait to get to the depths where it is pure, safe and clean. Give us Your eyes Lord. May You as our Source cause in us a deeper place cut out from Your Living Water. Give us depth where fresh water flows and helps us to be aware when we began to move downstream. God keep us at The Source of you were there is no trash, but pure clean waters. In Your Pure Name, Jesus our Source of Life, we drink, amen.


They say the depth is as great as the height above the water....interesting thought, especially when you think about How Great is Our God!!!!! Here is the Most Powerful Waterfall I have ever seen, Niagara Falls:

Dirty vs Dirtier vs Clean

My Mother in Law was coming for the night and I needed to prepare her room. We have a unique set up that we have an apartment built onto the back of our garage that we use as a Pool House and Guest House. Depending on the amount of people over throughout the week, grass trails in and crumbs are left behind, toilet paper disappears quickly and on rare occasions, toilets are left unflushed, yuck! So, I was out there taking inventory and to my pleasant surprise, all that was needed was a bed change and a quick vacuum in a few spots by the doors.
As I began to vacuum one beautiful carpet line at a time, the area which I thought only needed to be cleaned became clean with the area next to it to now appearing dirty. Instead of the room being clean with a few dirty spots at a glance, it was actually dirty with a few dirtier spots that needed more attention. God prompted me to ponder:

* At a glance, everyone looks good, but in fact, "all have sinned and fall short of the Glory of God." This includes when we look at ourselves. We need to be honest when we look at our self seeing what is there, needing a necessary clean. Same with others, no one is perfect. No one should be on a pedestal of perfection otherthan the Lord Himself! He is worthy of our praise!!
* It takes more than a minutes' time to evaluate what's in your heart. Once you "get in there" you will soon find there are plenty more areas that need to be cleaned up. God is gracious to gently refine us. One layer at a time, one sweep at a time, He cleans us. There will always be crumbs and remnants of grass and if we don't clean them up, it will only pile up.
* Our standard of "comparison" ought to be the Law and Love of Christ, not others. Our standard of "cleanliness" cannot be up against another's clean area. We will become prideful or shameful in comparisons. We can only hold our selves alongside the Lord and be truthfully humbled and cleansed.

Thank You Lord for how You cleanse me, gently but thoroughly. When I hide in a corner and start collecting dust, You are loving enough to shine Your light into my dark little corner and bring me out to be dusted off and made clean. Thank You for cleaning out my yucky areas as well as polishing up my refined areas. Lord, humble us today to willingly accept the cleansing that needs to be done in our own hearts so that our hearts will be pure for You. "Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me." Amen.