Blessings and Burdens

"So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal." 
2 Corinthinas 4:16-18

Welcome back. I sit here almost comically laughing at the fact I am still dealing with my pitiful body (and attitude, if I must be honest.) Never would I have guessed a puddle of water could reek such havoc in my life. My neck and knees continue to bother me four months in. When my knee went out, the rest of my body carried the burden. What a blessing that it could or I would not have been able to walk and gotten things done. Just as I mentioned in the previous blog, how humbling and convicting to remember that my choices, other peoples choices, impact those around you.

Even though this has been the most physically challenging season for me, don't ya know God has plans in it for my good! I am reminded of 2 things: 1.) We need each other and cannot live this life self-reliant; 2.) What we do impacts those around us, for good or bad. We are all connected in the Body and when one part hurts, we all feel the impact.

Not able to bear weight on the injured knee, my right knee took on the extra weight with every impact. Getting out of a chair (or off the toilet as a matter of fact) was one of the hardest things (and remains a challenge), trying to stand up basically one legged. Getting off the floor? Forget it! Friends and family around me have helped me in practical ways more in the past several months that the last years combined. I am a Do-er by nature so this has been a hard pill to swallow. 

Sadly, after almost 4 weeks of going the extra miles, that burden carrying knee gave out. It has carried the extra weight as long as it could. It was injured nearly to the point of my original "soccer knee." I sit here with a neck burdened, hips aching and now two knees full of fluid...and a heart frustrated, exhausted and a soul searching for the purpose in all this mess. My poor husband and kids, while it has been a good opportunity for me to take a step back and let them Do a little more, they miss the part of me that engages with them as we Do together. How much longer Lord?! We ALL want to know.
While there are many layers to this season of rest, pressing onward, letting go, trusting, waiting, sharing, believing and pure exhaustion, they can be summed up within these two lessons:
1. ) We need each other and are not meant to be self-reliant. Our choices in life affect those around us, for the better or the worst. The Lord tells us there will be trials and seasons of hardship and we expect those. Even in the toughest of times, God has a plan and purpose and He calls us to share the burdens with each other as we cast them also on Him. For those of us who are Servers in the Kingdom, these are really tough seasons as we face limitations to what we can do. God knows this and as someone who has been a Server for many years, I have come to recognize seasons in my life God reverses the flow of out pouring and I become the receiver, inevitably giving others an opportunity to serve me, or on my behalf. It is not easy or comfortable. Every time I am in this place, I learn better how to appreciate it as I count down to the day it's over with. Here in the receiving times, I am refreshed and humbled. I appreciate the hearts of those stepping up to help carry the temporary burden. 

"So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, 

complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. 

Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others." 

Philippians 2:1-4

2.) What we do impacts those around us, for good or bad. We are all connected in the Body and when one sheds tears either of joy or sorrow, we share the tears. The Scriptures of full of instructions to guard the tongue, love one another, share burdens, give, pray, believe, confess, repent, feed, hope, sacrifice, bless, encourage and rest. 
I never thought my hurt knees would impact my family as it has. My mind and body are physically drained which drains the brain, interrupts routines and hinders opportunities. Staying at an exhausted level makes for little or labored process from all the normal things in life. I have to have help getting most things done. Nothing happens quickly anymore. Some things don't even happen. I miss the little things like cuddling with my little ones in my comfy chair on the patio as they wiggle around laughing or sharing about their day. I miss being able to chase them around the house to tickle them down when they need a good soul boost! I miss a lot of things while other things just have to be done differently.
Days my pain levels are increased, my focus, energy, joy, mercy, grace and compassion decrease. Does anyone else get this way? My pain becomes everyone's pain even though I do my best to "suck it up buttercup." We live together, so we impact one another whether it's intentional or not. As an Encourager, it makes me sad to not be able to serve like I love to serve. On the good days the joy flows, energy soars and laundry gets done! Praise God for those days!!
Thankfully God has granted my family grace to carry the extra burden and as time goes by, healing washes over my body as waves lap the shoreline. I am honored and blessed they help me like they do, not to say there haven't been eye-rolling and a few huffs at times. We just don't realize the impact our stuff has on those around us. This is true with all our choices, sinful or every day stuff, our blessings and our burdens. We impact and influence our environment and those in it.
In Burdens:
Something so simple as the one who took the last square of toilet paper and didn't replace it, or left the milk out all day, or forgot to turn off the hose or bring in the wet towel from the car, ask them. It mattered.
For the one addicted to drugs or alcohol and doesn't think their spouse is impacted, ask them. It does. 
For the husband who says his pornography doesn't impact his wife or family, ask them. It does.
For the one who is lazy and assumes others will pick up the slack and not think twice about it, ask them. It does.
For the one who demands their way as the way it has to be, ask them. It does.
For the one who abuses their authority, ask them. It does.
For the one who yells and curses, ask them. It does.
For the one burdened with guilt, shame, fear, insecurity, ask them. It does.
For the one caring for a physically or mentally challenged family member, ask them. It does.
For the one suffering physical attacks on their body, ask them. It does.
For the one persecuted for their faith, ask them. It does.
The burden we bear and the burden we cause, affect those around us even when we don't think it does. 
In Blessings:
For the one who bless their spouse with loving care, consideration and help, ask them. It does.
For the kids who's parent help them, pray for them, ask them. It does.
For the friend receiving our prayers, encouragement and support, ask them. It does.
For the ones we honor and salute their sacrifice, ask them. It does.
For the hurting friend who we simply hug or share a cup of coffee, ask them. It matters.
For the one hungry and we feed them, ask them. It does.
For the hopeless one to realize they have Hope in a Savior, ask them. It does.
For the ones in authority to honor the law and Lord, ask them. It does.
For the one who realized they once were lost, but now have been found, ask them. It does.
For the one afflicted in the flesh, but consoled by The Healer, ask them. It does.
For the ones we shared our testimony with, and have restored faith, ask them. It mattered.
The blessings we give and the ones we receive, carry an eternal weight of glory we cannot imagine this side of Heaven.
Our lives are an intricate balance of burdens carried and burdens lifted as we strive to both give and receive in this world, working together for a common good in humility, honor, submitting ourselves to the cause of Christ over our agenda and purpose. There is a season for everything and our response to those seasons are crucial to the Kingdom of Grace. 
Your life has an eternal weight, today. Today, we are healing, growing, breaking down while building up. Wherever God has you, may Love be our motive, help, healing, focus, redemption, strength, hope and cause.
For the one caught up in sin, yes, it is hurting you and yes, it is hurting those around you. Ask them. It does. But praise God Almighty, His blood is thick and fresh enough to cover all your sins and cast them far off, to mend your broken places and restore you to the plans and purpose He has created you for.
For you bearing the burden of another, bless your heart for the love you are showing in Jesus' Name. May He continue to grant you compassion and empathy for them. He is faithful to sustain you in your care for them. Be careful though, you do not bear more than you ought and get in the way of what God may be doing in their life. Us Encouragers and Peace Makers have a tendency to enable. You will end up hurting yourself in the process and healing will take longer for the both of you, extending the burden further to others.
For the one with the thorn in your flesh, remember for everything there is a season and God's grace will be enough to sustain you during this down time. Be willing to allow others to minister to you or on your behalf as hard as that might be. Check your pride and stubbornness at the back gate and come rest. Honestly, if you're thinking the world won't be able to function without your help, well, God was big enough to build it, He can manage it in your absence.  

"So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. 

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 

2 Corinthians 12:8-10 

Accountability takes guts!!! Do you have it?!?

Accountability takes guts! When someone humbles themselves enough to say, "I can't do this on my own, I need help," that takes guts! What a great ministry to share with someone. It is both a great honor and responsibility we then have to hold them accountable to whatever it is they are asking. It should not be a quick decision on our part to say, "Sure I will be your accountability partner." We must first pray and ask God if it is His plan for you to be the one to hold the accountability with them, just as in every ministry commitment we are presented. If God is not in it, it won't be fruitful and if God is leading them to this place, He has already equipped someone to come alongside them and it may not be you. 
If God confirms His Yes for the new partnership, then sit down together and be open and honest about expectations and boundaries. What is the specific need? How often do they feel they should check in with you or do they expect/hope you will check in on them? What is the time frame which ya'll will commit to in the beginning? What if they have not met the current expectation, do they want a little nudge of encouragement or a big kick-in-the-backside kind of push? Everyone's personalities are different, what works for us doesn't necessarily work for the other person. It's important to have these conversations to thwart any misunderstandings, unmet expectations and to have the greatest benefit in achieving the end result. 
I am soooo thankful for the people God has placed in my life over the years to hold me accountable. God is so good to give us what we need. Several years ago I found myself taking a sort of inventory of my life- where did I spend most of my time, what did I do with my time, who were my friends, who did I trust in my inner circle of friends, what were my goals, what needed to change, where was I headed physically emotionally and spiritually, etc. As I looked at the women God had (and continues to place in my life,) I realized they were all very confident and courageous women, in themselves and in God. It was what they all had in common. They loved God fiercely and without shame, and they were confident and bold women of faith. 
I always had wanted to be more like that but continually found myself hiding behind women like them. But God...He knew my heart's desires and "coincidently" established deep and wonderful friendships with these amazing women of all ages. Oh how I wished I could be more like them even to this day. They say what they mean. They face opposition and temptation with confidence that God is greater than anything they face. Scriptures flows through their innermost being-heart, mind and soul. They pray with diligence and anticipation. These women didn't hide behind anything. It was me who hid behind them! 
Fear of their judgement or potential disappointment kept me from asking for guidance and help. But there came a point in different areas in my life where I had had enough. Enough trying to do "it" on my own. I was sick of failing. It wasn't easy. Humbling yourself also means vulnerability. 
A perfectionist, a shy person, an insecure person, a person who struggles with anxiety/fear, a prideful person, someone who has trust issues because of past betrayals...it takes a lot for them to ask for help because it means they must first break down serious walls to let you in. That was me...all of those at one time in my life, for a greater part of my life actually. I know, many of you who know me today, or who have only known me for the past few years, cannot imagine me being so shy or anxious inside but to God be all the glory! I pray this testimony highlights His grace, redemption and healing. God has worked in my life in my time alone with Him and through the accountability and prayers of others. I trusted God had crossed our paths for such a time as this, and I needed to trust Him with the relationships and process.
That is why it is hugely important to pray about who you ask to hold you accountable because you are giving over to them something that is obviously important to you and you want this to be handled with Christ's care. And if you are the accountability partner, you must bathe them with prayer and interceded on their behalf so Satan doesn't get a foothold during this tender growing and pruning time in their life. 
There is something so precious when God blesses you with friends who share a like-mindedness of faith, beliefs, goals, desires, dreams. You find they are stronger in areas you are weaker and visa versa and you are a source of great encouragement and strength together. "Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him--a threefold cord is not quickly broken." Ecclesiastes 4:9-12a. And "as iron sharpens iron" Proverbs 27:17, so we do!  
Different friends bring different gifts and blessings into your life. Having friends are important, so is having more than one. I don't think we need an army of them either but we do need a few close to the heart ones. If it is a healthy, God-centered relationship, there is a trust connection that only God can affirm and knit together a natural vulnerability to be who you are, where you are in your life and in that, a natural sense of accountability is understood and welcomed. You don't always have to formally ask. Just in sharing life together, you "encourage and stir one another up" (1 Thess 5:11) knowing where they need encouragement and how to motivate them towards holiness as they also do for you. We remind them about grace as we give them grace. We remind them and teach them how to stay strong as we stand in the trenches with them. We share in their joys and in their sorrows as life happens. Our friendships can be Lighthouses to each other and to a watching world who wonder "how can they be friends?" "how can they be so honest and happy?" "how can they be so trusting or loving or forgiving?" "where did they get their courage?" 

This New Years our family participated in our first 5K Walk, Run, Crawl together. It was a toss up of sleeping in or the race, but that was the very reason we needed to do this...to change things up and start something new. Well, my walking buddy girlfriend had also signed up and we decided in the least, we could manage to crawl it together since our kids would most likely beat us to the finish line by a landslide. Crawling was obviously allowed since it was part of the name! Neither of us had even walked that distance before so it turned into an encouragement-accounatability thing. She joked about finishing a lap and we could veer off course to the nearby beach, or walk home and have a cup of coffee together...tempting for sure, but there was that little thing called accountability that God had woven between us and we would walk it or crawl it to the end! I joked back that I would bring my tether rope and strap us together so if she or I tried to veer off course or slow down the other would be the pull that keeps us moving together on pace. And it was a great visual of walking together in Christ and the accountability we have within The Body. When one is weak, the other can be strong, " For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up!" Between us, we will finish "the race." 
I can testify, life isn't always easy but it is true when others notice my "happy", I am happier now in my life than I have ever been before. Not just because I've had great accountability breakthroughs or the fact God has blessed me beyond what I deserve in the Sisterhood department, or that I am living in paradise, or that I am healthy, or that I have a husband and family who love me greatly, believe me, I count my blessings amongst all the trials and bad days...but I am happy and joy-filled because I realize (and am learning to embrace it more confidently) how much I am valued and loved, as John 3:16 says...enough to die for. I believe Jeremiah 29:11 is true for me just like it is true for everybody else. He has a plan, and it is good! I have grown in my faith, trusting God more than I trust myself. When I am weak, the grace of God gives me strength and if I need a little poke or a push, He is faithful to make sure I get it whether I think I need it or not! 
I owe a heartfelt THANK YOU to my Sisters in Christ who share their hearts with me, offering not only sharpening of spirits but also equal vulnerability and trustworthiness. Over the years, some of you have been in the deeper trenches with me and stuck with me till I got through the other side. Others have blessed me with opportunity to simply learn to be a real-goes both ways-friend, living honestly before you, admitting mistakes and weaknesses and receiving grace and sometimes a little push or poke, and yes, even a kick in my backside a few times. I can share struggles as easily as I share my victories without fear of judgement. My life is sweeter because of your love and accountability poured out in my life. Thank you from my heart!!!! ( I would love to scroll through and post some pictures right now and brag on you, but I will let God bless you in a special way!)
I don't know what it is that you are wishing for or possibly needing a breakthrough in your own life but through prayer, seeking God with all your heart, receiving His love for you, and embracing the people God places in your life to help you, you will overcome! There is strength in numbers!! Prepare yourself to do your part and pray for God to do the rest, trusting Him more than you trust yourself.   
"Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord. Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with one another. " Romans 12:9-16


(For those wondering...yes, we did finish our first 5k and it was a blast! Walking (life) with a buddy makes it more fun and somehow times goes so much quicker. I find this to be true in most areas of life.)

And to my husband who has put up with me going on 22 years of marriage, thank you and I love you for putting up with all my quirks!! Thank you for encouraging my time spent in my relationships with so many amazing women and women's ministry events over the years. I am definitely a better wife to you because of their wisdom and examples shared and prayers lifted on my/our behalf!   
  

Why are you doing what you do?

The younger two kids came home all hyped up with GREAT news!!! It was the new fundraiser for the school...cookie dough! While I am all about the fundraisers, there is only so much a person can do asking the neighbors and especially within our own budget of giving. They ran in the door off the bus and digging out their packets of info,  they could barely contain themselves telling me about all the prizes they could win, "Mom!!! If we ONLY SELL 15 of them, we get....." To their disappointment, I told them the previous 2 fundraisers and the little prizes they earned last time were all that we could do this time. "But Moooommmm, we could (get this toy) and (that)." I asked what the money was for and neither of them knew. In all their excitement to sell, they didn't even know what for. I am assuming it is for the track which is so badly needed!! 
Needless to say, they were quite angry with me that they wouldn't be able to get their prizes. It had nothing to do with not getting a new track which even at their age, they know they need because they run on it every day and it's in bad shape. They had been so pumped up by the school rally to earn prizes, that was their only focus...the prizes. They were motivated by selfish gain.
Now, I am all about prizes and earning rewards. But... are we being conditioned to see the personal gain rather than the central purpose for which we are striving? Do we have to be bribed to work/serve/give? Why not hype the kids up to the realization of a new track!?! Are we all hyped up for the prizes without even knowing what we are striving for?!? I wonder if we do the same thing at church? We talk so much about what God can do for you, the Peace He offers, the Comfort He gives, the Protection and Refuge for the weary, the Strength in our weaknesses that we don't even show them Who He is. 
Are we so hyped up about our "prizes" that we miss what the prizes resulted from? Our track?! Our God! Do we know it's ultimately about the "track" being built and not our personal gain? Are we just "selling" Jesus to get our prize? Yes, how precious and gracious is He that the Lord blesses as a result of our obedience and surrender to Him (what joy and privilege) but I wonder if we too often focus on the blessings and not the Blessed? 
Is my worship about how it makes me feel or is it about how it makes the Lord feel? 
Do I choose daily to walk with Him and serve Him so I can win the Fruit Basket? 
Am I sacrificially serving for the Kingdom growth? 
Am I so conditioned to "get" that I am not focused on The Giver? 
Whose kingdom am I striving to enrich? Mine or Christ's?  
God really made me stop this morning to think of the root of all my doings and how I am conditioning myself and my kids and others...am I hyped up "selling" the Blessings or The Blessed?
Our children should obey and honor, not because they will get a Treasure Box goodie if they do but because they love God first.
We should worship God with all our heart, mind and soul, not because it feels good or that we are supposed to but because it blesses Him to receiver our worship and praise out of our pure love and devotion to Him.
We should go to church and serve not because we will look good in the sight of man, but because we get to learn and love while planting seeds as the hands and feet of Jesus.
We go to church to be with the Body functioning together to serve God, not play games and publish grand numbers or earn a reputation.
We love God, because He first loved us, not because of the riches He gives to those who love Him.
I give God my heart, not because He can make it bigger, but because it is by His grace I even have life. 
We love others, not because it gives us more friends but because out of our love for God, we can't help but love others.
I want my marriage to be strong not because it makes life easier or makes us happier, but because we are a reflection of The Gospel.
Love love, not gain. 
I want my children to serve out of love, not gain.
I want to serve my husband out of love, not gain.
I want to serve my church and others out love, not gain.
I want to serve my God out of love, and not gain. 
All the blessings in the world, all the prizes that can be won, all the effort we spend working towards these gain, I wonder if we will ever see the track for which we worked so hard for or will we continually be off somewhere playing with all our toys, looking for more? Instead, may we be so focused on The Track that we don't count anything gain except for the "Track" being built.

Father God, You are my greatest love and blessing. Help me resist the temptation to see all Your goodness only to strive for Your prizes/blessings. I confess there are times I get hyped up at all Your offering and prizes that I completely miss The Offering of You. It is my heart's desire to worship You, The Blessed, and not Your blessings. God, I want all that I am and all that I do to be about You. I must decrease so You can increase. The gift of Your Son truly is our greatest treasure. How thankful I am for Your sweet Love and Blessings from the immeasurable riches You own, but God, I want You more than I want more stuff. With You, I have my Peace and Strength and Hope. Nothing can compare to the treasure of You. It is You that saved me from the pit. It is Your Love Offering that took on all my sins. Lord God, help me keep my eyes fixed on Your "track" that all my life will be about You as the ultimate end of my striving, not of any selfish gain. For You alone are worthy, all glory and honor is for You. For Your Name's sake, amen.

"Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." 

Matthew 6:19-21

"Make a joyful noise to the LORD, all the earth! Serve the LORD with gladness! Come into His presence with singing! Know that the LORD, He is God! It is He who made us, and we are His;we are His people, and the sheep of His pasture. Enter His gates with thanksgiving, and His courts with praise! Give thanks to Him; bless His name! For the LORD is good; His steadfast love endures forever, and His faithfulness to all generations." 

Psalm 100  

"But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you." 

Matthew 6:33