Falling Apart

"We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies....

For it is all for your sake, so that as grace extends to more and more people it may increase thanksgiving, to the glory of God. 

So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal." 

2 Corinthians 4:8-10,15-18

My word these verses are real to me today as I sit here with an ice pack on both my knees, my neck, my collarbone, and my shoulder. It might have been easier to just dump 20 bags of ice into the tub, throw on the bathing suit and take a plunge than trying to balance all these bags! Seriously, what a hot mess...or chilly mess I guess. (Sorry, had to.)
I bet you are wondering what happened...must have been a car accident right? Or a fall from the ladder? Something to impact nearly my whole body. June 3rd, I was shopping at my grocery store and encountered a puddle of water I did not see until I slipped and turned to see what had caused my Bambi Moment. A 4" puddle. Only a few hours later, my calf, hamstring, neck, shoulders, back, arch of left foot, left hand all ached. You wouldn't think this required much healing time but after 3 months of physical therapy to deal mostly with the upper back and neck muscles, my blood pressure starting spiking dangerously high during therapy. (The exhausting list grows.) She stopped therapy till an MRI could be done. A week into the process, my knee took a hit because of the weakening of the first twist.
Not able to lift heavy objects above a certain level, I take my kids with me to the store to help with the gallon milks and water packs. My daughter placed the 32 pack on the bottom of the cart all by her 11 year old self but it was really heavy for her too. The bulk hung over the edge of the cart a few inches and knowing I couldn't push it back without killing my neck, I attempted to push it back sideways with my foot, much like a soccer ball pass (I suppose that is why the Doctor calls it my Soccer Knee.) Unable to push it back, we both knelt down and slide it back. Months ago, none of this would have even been an issue for me to handle alone. I am not a tiny girl and am thankful to have been in decent shape physically over the years to be able to tackle big projects. How humbling to not be able to lift a gallon of milk over 12" into a cart without pain in my neck and collar bone. I could go on a pity tangent and share all the every day things I still have a hard time with lifting and weighted things like laundry, yard work and mopping and obviously grocery shopping...but I won't. I know there are those of you dealing with much more intense ailments and my heart sincerely goes out to you. Stay strong and don't give up! Praise God there is more to this life than this body!! 
That evening I was getting into bed for the night and my knee felt squishy when I bent it. I knew I had stressed it on the water bottles, but I didn't think much about it. I was still icing my neck, and now I had an ice pack for my knee. R.I.C.E. once again for the hurting body part, another delay in the day, which turned into days upon days. Had an X-ray which led to the MRI of the knee (the neck is jealous) and now we know we have a sprained MCL and fluid, along with some degeneration that will have to be addressed. 
I cannot bear full weight on my left knee and stairs are painfully painful and exhausting. I walk with a limp and a hobble although some days I can hide it better than others. Here I am now nearly 6 weeks into this knee recovery and my body is feeling weak and exasperated. Because of the "soccer" knee, every other muscle in my body has had to temporarily compensate, carrying the burden of the inability of my injured knee to function. I feel muscles pull and stress that I never even knew I had! 
Even though this has been the most physically challenging season for me, don't ya know God has plans in it for my good! I am reminded of 2 things: 1.) we need each other and cannot live this life self-reliant; 2.) what we do impacts those around us, for good or bad. We are all connected in the Body and when one part hurts, we all feel the impact. For someone who is strong-willed and finds great joy in hospitality and encouraging others, it is very difficult for me to receive help, and yet this is something God continues to remind me of when I return to old habits and become self-reliant. I have no problem with teamwork. I have a problem with the team working for me! Big difference. I like to serve, not be served. But then God sets me up to re-learn this lesson once again...you are not supposed to do life independently. While we must not be dependent on others to meet our needs as only God can, God uses others to meet needs we didn't even know we had.
When my knee went out, the rest of my body carried the burden. What a blessing that it could or I would not have been able to walk and gotten things done. How humbling and convicting to remember that my choices, other peoples choices, impact those around you.
In the next blog, I will be discussing these impacts. I hope you will join me back here if this struck home with you as something you have struggled with yourself...not a knee injury, although bless your heart if you have, but the impact our "hurts" or the hurts of others, have on us that we may not even realize. See you soon! 
So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison! Blessings, Grace and Strength, 
Michele 

Worship here: 

Finding Jesus on the outside of your book!

It's that time of year again! Time to join the next Bible Study. Women's Bible studies have been a part of my journey for many, many, many years and anticipation grows with each one. Oh the joy of knowing something great is going to happen in the heavenly world we live in and the one we can touch and feel here. 
Week by week, new friendships are established and old ones strengthen, minds are blown at new truths learned and hearts softened and God's healing balm binds our wounds. Our spirits rejoice at the gathering, can you even imagine what He must feel when His children come to Him and ask for His love, assurance, direction and courage, peace and healing, wisdom and hope!?! We come feeling inadequate but eager to know our Father Better. You know He must leap off the Throne and smile! Do you think He exclaims HALLELUJAH!?! I bet He does!
Today, our small group gathered for our first day of Entrusted. As I prayed over our gathering time, God opened my eyes to something I hadn't really thought of and I shared it with the ladies, and I would like to share it with you too for the sake of deeper and wider growth as we enter in.
When we join a study and face the soul-searching, Scripture-homework, the tough questions, learning about God, learning about ourselves, we are seeking something more. More of what though? More than what we have. This week, God opened my eyes to look beyond the workbook itself. To see more than the Q&A's being asked of me. What happens on the outside of the book is just as important as what happens on the inside. Both have direct impacts on heart change. I have never focused on what happens on the outside of the covers of these books. Reflecting back, I see what He is talking about. 
Take the workbook away and ask a group of women to set aside 45 minutes of uninterrupted time every day to pray and worship and then a 2 hour time away to talk every week about their experiences, for 8 weeks and you've already seen a miracle! Then, we add into these moments, actual heart-work. Some chiseling and others mending work. It is exhausting and exhilarating at the same time. 
There is nothing like it when we intentionally get on the same page as God, with our Sisters. We grow in unique ways, one of which is accountability. When we join a study with other women, we are saying I don't want to do this alone, I want you to do it with me. We are committing ourselves as much to each other as we are to the personal study commitment between us and the Lord. We are saying I am going to walk this road with you and we will figure this out and help each other as we go. We are agreeing that our spirits can trust The One Who has gathered this specific group together at this specific time, for such a time as this to honestly share. We are gathering expecting to glimpse an extra dose of reality and strength. To know we are not the only ones struggling to answer question 4, page 26. To hear we are not the only woman stuck in a certain bad habit or behavior. To realize I am not the only one giving it my all I have and seeing no fruit, yet. To confirm something I have wondered. To be refreshed in Sisterhood blessings of laughter and hugs.
So often we see Bible study as the commitment to answered questions on the pages when what God is searching for is hearts falling deeper in Love's Name. Any Bible study we do, we ought to be looking for Jesus, on and off the pages. 
If you are new to a study or jumping back into one soon, I challenge you, I encourage you to look beyond the pages for what God has planned for you. Maybe your discipline for daily time management needs to be sharpened. Perhaps perfectionism or anxiety or shame might be overcome by the hugs and help of humility by way of vulnerability. There are probably a hundred different ways our Mighty and Gracious God uses to draw us closer to Him. 
Sister, He wrote The Book, cover to cover. Ask Him to reveal Himself to you in a fresh way this time. He is a faithful, jealous God. There is none more creative and awesome in power than He, so expect great things, in great ways...in many ways!  
I am so excited now to get started!!!!! Can't wait to find more of Jesus!!!           

“As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:9

I'm a Christian...Now What?

Now What? You've heard of that moment in a person's life. Their eyes are opened. Heart changed. Habits broken. A renewed heart and soul. They have this glowing essence of joy about them...they have accepted Christ as their personal Lord and Savior. And then it happened to you. Hallelujah! Now what? 
The assumed "fairy dust" of perfection, divine knowledge, eyes to see everything God sees, has failed you, or you find yourself asking what you have done wrong. We made this decision to lead a pure and blameless life, but how? What do we do?
We assume the Holy Spirit would be like a fairy of special powers to reveal all of life's answers the moment we invite Him to dwell within us. Like a Magic 8 ball you shake to get the divine, magical answer. He does work divinely...but He doesn't work magically. The Holy Spirit is not a Google-God. He is christ in us, available to lead, carry, encourage, correct, to show us the way God has planned and purposed for us. Prayer is our direct line to the Divine.
So what do we do now that we choose Christ to lead our life? How does this impact my marriage, my family, my friendships, what I do in my free time, the places I will go now? How do I worship, pray, study, parent and be an excellent wife? What now?
This was the conversation a friend and I were having recently at lunch. She asked, How do I do this? She had been saved several years ago but hadn't been intentionally mentored and was left to observe other Believers's lives (that's always scary...we are all sinners saved by grace) and has been trying to figure it out as she goes. She joined a Bible study to learn more about the Scriptures themselves but here she sat today, with a life rededicated to Him, desperate to know how she is supposed to be a Christian wife to an unbelieving husband, a Christian Mom to her kids, serve in ministry none of which she herself is sure of what hers is. How was she to lead or follow when she herself didn't know much about being a Christian? 
Churches are so good at presenting the Gospel but often fail at the last Amen of their prayer and discipleship never happens. The new Believer has no one to answer their question, What now? 
They have 2 choices: 1.) ask someone they trust or hope someone offers to walk with alongside them, or 2.) do their best on their own to read, learn and watch and hope you're doing it the best way for you. Why would we want our fellow sisters to have to figure it out when we have gleaned even a little to be shared? If God has saved us, we have a testimony of grace and what that has been like to share with others. Maybe we have forgotten or minimized our walk. Maybe our own fire has sizzled. Maybe we only see failure in our life. One thing is for sure, Satan will not be happy about connections made because he knows too well a cord of three is not easily broken. We must guard our established friendships for the same reason. God gets the glory when we stay united, honest, intentional and pure. 
I am afraid in our world of Instant Info, people find it easier to "look it up" and take whatever is the path of least resistance. I am guilty of that, thank you Google and Pinterest. What they really need is organic or intentional mentoring that helps any and every Believer throughout their lifelong journey. Thank the Lord I have this too!! I don't know where I would be in my faith if God had not blessed me with amazingly wise and willing, God-fearing, God-loving woman to help lead me navigate every area in every season over my many years. Learning and growing is a lifetime journey.
What do I do? 
We have all asked ourselves this same question at one time or another. There's always that first week, first crisis, first new friendship of sisterhood, first failure, first betrayal, first Bible study, first spiritual attack, first everything and then for every new season, a wonder how do I do this?!? We all have had our first day one day.
I was brought back to so many of my firsts, even firsts of new seasons like the one I am in parenting an adult child in college. The wonder. The fears. The prayers. The pleas. The failures. The victories. Where do I begin? What list of "things" can I share with her. 
Not knowing where to begin, I asked her what first is she trying to figure out. She said her marriage. Her husband does not share her same faith walk. While he once walked in the doors of God's house, it had been many moons since and he didn't understand her growing commitment, joy and faith. I tell you what, she is much stronger than she knows! I am inspired and awed at her commitment to walk this life in the freedom of her faith. If anyone could justify not going to church, it would be the spouse of one who doesn't. She could easily stay home and read her Bible silently alone and make the best Sunday morning breakfast anyone has ever feasted on and serve her husband by performing well. Instead, she serves well and loads up the kids for Sunday morning worship in her local church. She is learning and growing week by week, but what now? How does she do it once she walks out the doors of the church? To some degree or another, we are all trying to figure it out.
I am certainly not an expert or one who has it all figured out but I do have a life lived with both failures and victories. Some things worked out wonderfully while other choices crushed me. My personality is one of lists and long ones at that. I like details and structure more than random chance or chaos. I love reading and researching ideas and concepts of How-Tos from crafts, writing, photography, interior design and recipes to parenting, marriage and ministry. I began thinking of all the things I attempt to do as a help-mate to my husband and as a Mom to my children ranging college to elementary age. Oh how I wish I could do it all and be an excellent Proverbs 31 Woman, but I fail...constantly. Praise God my Lord and my family know my heart. They know that burnt biscuits and overcooked chicken doesn't mean I am careless and irresponsible or that I don't love them enough to provide Pinterest Pretty food. They know my heart is absolutely head over heels for them, thank God!
During our lunch, I was about to share the Proverbs 31 womanly goals we all dream of having, it hit me fresh again. The reminder how our lives are not about the things we do, or don't do. God looks at our heart. God has transformed us into new beings, we are therefore new creations and as that new creation with a new heart, it changes us as a whole. Christ in us is Christ in us. Our hopes, thoughts, behaviors, motives, filters, actions are because He lives in us. There are plenty of commandments and principles and examples to glean from in The Word and of course millions of books and plenty of conferences and workshops to learn some How Tos. The Proverbs 31 woman is a wonderful example of what it looks like in example of serving her family in her day, however what God asks us is to do is love Him and serve Him with all of our heart, and share this love with others, especially with our legacy children and future generations. Actions are simply the outward expression of our hearts. God is looking at our hearts and it is from the love we hold for our Lord that we love others.
Even though my husband is a seasoned, active in his walk Believer, the way I serve him and love him is no different than how my friend serves her husband. The ways I love, discipline and encourage my children of different ages and temperaments are the same way she will love, discipline and encourage her children. I am called to ministry, giving of my time, talents and resources for Kingdom purpose the same as she is as a new Believer. We both will do it scared but with humble adoration of God's equipping of His people to the task He has asked us to do no matter how much we know or how old our spiritual age. Our fruits (Galatians 5:22-23) to grow are the same and our love is from the same Father. We even (should be) thinking alike according to Philippians 4:8. Our lives and gifting may differ, but our Gift of Salvation and heart's aim are the same.
There really isn't much difference between us. Time is the only real difference  I have had the opportunity to build a history with my God and because of that, I have had more failures covered by grace, more victories to testify to His greatness and can call to witness His divine intervention and mighty Love! 
How do I do this? With God!!!!  
What now? Love fully! 

I am sure there was probably a shorter way to write this out, but I really wanted to get into the heart and mind of someone who might be reading this and can totally relate to the thoughts and behaviors of being that "new girl" and not knowing exactly what she is supposed to do now that she's made the choice to follow after Christ. And truthfully, you may have even accepted Christ as your Savior a hundred moons ago and yet have never sat down and had a practical, vulnerable conversation with another Believer on these things. How great and beneficial and rewarding when we do. Not only do we receive hope and encouragement, GOD receives the glory for a life lived for HIM! 
Well, I can't NOT give you some type of list to encourage you, so here it is: 

Love! Love God with all of your heart and chase hard after Him. Psalm 18:28-39

Be in His Word daily. Seek Him first in every way!  Matthew 6:33

Seek wise women of God and accountability. Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

Nourish your heart with faith, hope and love. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Find a good Women's Bible Study to glean within the hearts and lives around you. 2 Timothy 3:16-17

Serving others well and figuring out your ministry moments will come out of your love for God your Savior. Guard your heart. Deuteronomy 6:4-7

Listen to the whispers of the Holy Spirit and rebuke the whispers of Satan. 1 John 4:1-4

Confess and repent! You cannot hide from God! Don't give Satan a foothold. You are free indeed!! Luke 15:7

Begin and end every day with prayer and prayerfully wonder and worship in between. 

Share your heart and testimony with others. Matthew 5:16, Philemon 1:4-7

Remember you are loved, forgiven and precious and your mistakes and all your unknowns will never outweigh God's Grace for you. Lamentations 3:20-25, Jeremiah 29:11-13

If Satan was a Hurricane

"Be prepared!" For the past several days, this has been the message for those of us living in the path of Hurricane Matthew who has grown into a big, deadly storm here in the Atlantic waters. Haiti, Jamica, Cuba, Bahamas and now the US East Coast are on alert from the authorities. 
Prepare NOW, they say. Why now instead of waiting till we know his more specific path? Because practical wisdom tells us once the storm hits, it not only is more difficult to work and prep outdoors as you fight the elements, it could even be impossible. In the event of a severe storm (such as the one we are facing this weekend), evacuations are necessary, a life and death decision that has to be made and acted upon NOW...not tomorrow...NOW! There is also the chance it's course will change direction or strength at a moment's notice. 
Many locals have shared stories of waking up in the middle of the night to storms that had changed direction. Had they not taken precautions before they went to bed, just in case, they would have endured more damage than had they not. Imagine replacing the hose nozzle on your garden hose as the water pressure continues to flow against you. Imagine folding sheets outdoors in gusty winds. There is a slight chance you can get these things done, but it will be extremely difficult and take more time and energy than if they had been done before opposition came against you. And worse case scenario is you won't be ready at all and the storm will overtake you.  
Here in Florida, we are currently bracing for Hurricane Matthew. It is being classified as a Major Storm as it directs it's path as a Cat4 heading to Central Florida. Media on every channel, in every country, on every island, on every website are pleading their case to Be Prepared and the time is NOW! Once the storm is here, it will be too late. Now is the time to gather supplies. Now is the time to secure your belongings. Now is the time to fins supplies to lock down your boat and home. Now is the time to formulate a plan to evacuate if it becomes necessary. Now is the time to prepare.
Of course, there are those who wait till the last minute only to find gas stations who are sold out of gas, stores sold out of water, food and batteries and . Left without essentials needed, they create for themselves a crisis within the crisis. If only they had heeded advice of those who know the devastation storms produce and listen to their warning...Be prepared!
As I clear my yard, secure the house and boat, gas the cars, buy hurricane friendly foods, stock up the water supplies, check in with friends and family, make safety plans and prepare for the impending threat, I can't help but think of the storms in our lives we must be prepared for so we are not overtaken. 

"For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of God’s glory displayed in the face of Christ. 

But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. 

We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed." 2 Corinthians 4:6-9 (NIV)

Satan is just like a hurricane. He appears out of the middle of nowhere, has his own unpredicatble path, he is destructive, causes chaos, creates great debt and loss. He tears things down and never builds things up. No one wants him in their home and yet he comes knocking on our doors, often pushing his way inside. He threatens our security and messes up our plans. If Satan was a Hurricane.
God's Word warns us to be prepared. There is a season for everything and Satan prowls like a lion, ready to destroy when the time is right...his timing, his way, regardless of who you are or what you do or where you live. Satan is fierce and like a hurricane, has many destructive levels and creates havoc along his path. 
The time to prepare yourself for a storm, is before it comes and since we don't know when the storm will show up, we must be prepared now. Spiritual muscles take time to build and it is often during the crisis they are strengthened. But if you haven't already been working them out, you're gonna hurt worse than had you already begun the process of strengthening. You may fair well through life's Tropical Depression and maybe even a Cat1, but should a Cat4 or Cat5 hit your dwelling place, will you have been ready? Will you have done all you could possibly do to manage well, heeding the advice of The One Who knows all about storms?

How can we prepare now for Satan's storms in our lives? 
~ Read His Word and know The Plan. The Bible is full of wisdom and instruction for how we can live our lives under His protection, receiving His provisions. Nothing happens without His permissions, therefore we can trust the Plans and Person of God, our Shield and Savior.
~ Pray and cast your cares on Him. Storms remind us how small we are in the universe and how big our god is. We cannot hide from Him and He truly is the best place to cast our fears and insecurities, because He loves us unconditionally. There is no greater Savior of Friend than our Lord.
~ Do your part and let God do His. We cannot control the surge, size, path or category of the storm heading our way. We are not in complete control. God is. Preparing for a Hurricane doesn't make the hurricane dissipate. It simply prepares us to endure it better than if we were fully open to it's destruction. 
~ Remember Who God is. Bad things do happen to Believers. God does allow crisis and storms to rage at varying degrees. Some will make a mess and some will devastate us but thanks to our great God, we will not be destroyed. He is faithful and good. Storms can clear away debris and refresh our waters. Crisis can bring us to our knees and teach us vulnerable hope we could learn no other way.
~ Gather together. We are not meant to weather storms alone. While our faith is our own, our journey is not. We need each other. Storms have a unique way of bringing communities together under one cause, for one hope...survival. When storms come, we have personal responsibilities as well as the care we ought to show our neighbors. 

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In His great mercy He has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead,

and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade. This inheritance is kept in heaven for you, 

who through faith are shielded by God’s power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. 

In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. 

These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. 

Though you have not seen Him, you love Him; and even though you do not see Him now, you believe in Him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the end result of your faith, the salvation of your souls." 1 Peter 1:3-9 (NIV)

A Labor of Love

What a glorious birthing it was. A true labor of Love. Just before she arrived, a wave of peace consumed me from the inside and just in the nick of time. A minute later and I may have just freaked out and lost it! Quitting was not an option at this point. There was no turning back...it was time!

Her name? Simulcast. She was a Beth Moore Simulcast! I bet there are some of you who think that sounds ridiculous and yet I have to believe I am not the only who has been part of birthing a women's ministry event like this. The anticipation. The deep breathing. The watching. The waiting. The pain. The thrill. The sacrifice. The emotions. The hope. The faith. The stretch. The push. The birth. She was a labor of Love.

I have noticed a pattern in my walk with the Lord of what I would consider Last Minute callings or inspirations. Days before a Bible study, an epiphany. In the middle of a coffee date, finally wisdom or practical help. Months and even weeks before an event, the call to do it. It's not totally rare, but it is consistent, which I think is rare. I dream of having more time to prepare and double and triple check details and correct errors but a deadline usually comes quicker than I have time for. Why can't I have Year Plans Lord?!?

So it was for this beautiful birth. A month ago, God said Guess What?!? Affirmation came a week later, then growth began. My heart and flesh stretched as I used muscles only God knew I had, some of which hurt a little from the strain and yet I believed He would not give more than I could handle. 

He is trustworthy I whispered to myself. I pressed on with the others, planning, preparing, getting the nest ready to welcome our guest. I couldn't help but wonder would I be ready for her? Was I good enough? Could I handle this? Had I done everything I could for her arrival? 

Grace followed every exhale of an anxious inhale. Yes, our Sweet Abba Father would be strong enough for He was greater than my own efforts. Because He conceived her in the womb of my soul, He would be faithful to provide and would equip me for all I needed to do my part as He did what only He could do. My part was to trust.

The day finally was upon us and it was the night before. It was such a quick moment and yet it felt like I had been ready forever, waiting and anticipating her debut. The night before we gathered together and made ready her stage, gathering all she would need, testing our connection strength and praying for her arrival. Then there, early Saturday morning, contractions of real labor began. I arrived at the center and was nearly giddy in anticipation and yet sick to my stomach I could have puked, but too joyful to give it a second thought. The show must go on as they say! Suddenly, we lost her signal and my breath escaped me. 

Nooooo....not now, we have come this far already, we can't loose her. My breath deepened and quickened. Sore from the week of stretching, I dropped to the floor on hands and knees before the Cross and began to rock back and forth in prayer, searching for words, searching for a glimpse of life in the dead silence, desperate for assurance, reminding myself He won't give you more than you can handle. He is trustworthy...He won't give more than we can handle....all things to His glory...all according to what He has planned, may it be so. Take this labor and make it Yours, I trust You...I trust You. Remove barriers and knock out walls, You King and Creator are over all things and we are Yours, she is Yours, protect her for Your glory Lord. 

Other circled the center praying likewise, binding all evil and keeping our Peace and Glory a Mighty force to be reckoned with in His Name. Hearts and hands were lifted and open, praising and pleading.  

After what seemed like hours in what was really only 20 minutes, we heard her! What pure joy! Her signal was strong. Her timing was perfect and God was proven faithful and trustworthy, worthy of all our praise just as He said He would be. Family and friends gathered together as One and rejoiced at her arrival. With shouts of joy, proclaiming the Great I Am, we had her! 

She was lovely just as we had dreamed she would be. Her delivery was smooth and it rocked our world. What a testimony she has. 92 women's lives were impacted because of this beautiful gift of love. What a blessing! What a delivery! What a gift!

Was she worth it? Yes. Will we do it again? Lord willing, YES!! God is good and God is faithful! Can I get a Hallelujah and an Amen?!?

"For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them." 
Matthew 18:20 ESV

"May the God of endurance and encouragement grant you to live in such harmony with one another, in accord with Christ Jesus, that together you may with one voice glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore welcome one another as Christ has welcomed you, for the glory of God." 
Romans 15:5-7 ESV

Light in the darkness

Sometimes it takes more than a deep breath to ease ourselves in the midst of a panic moment. Those moments when you feel your world tremble, the rug being yanked out beneath you, the stab of betrayal, the punch of loss, pain of illness, the closing in of fear, worry and anxiety, and the unknowns. Mounted ontop of an already scary and evil world we live in. This is still one nation Under God, for the sheer fact He is above us. But we certainly do seem to live or build our country this way. Then again, evil has always been at work and God has always been on the Throne, so some things haven't changed except the date and the route.
I have suffered with anxiety and panic since I was a young girl, terrified of the boogie man and harm coming to me from someone in my community. My parents were involved with Crime Prevention so these were real concerns to a little girl. I heard about all the "stuff" going on in my community and it was frightening. Even in school, I was afraid of being an innocent by-stander getting caught in the midst of evil. These awareness and lack of confidence for a shy and insecure girl often shook my world in tangible ways. My body turned cold, shivering head to toe. 
As I grew older, the fearful attacks grew less and yet I have always lived a life "looking over my shoulder" and always wondering "what if....!" In 2008 when I walked into the darkness of panic and anxiety attacks, my world earthquaked and knocked me off my feet where I fell flat on my face, thankfully right at the feet of Christ my Savior. It was an intense, frightening journey but in the midst of this fire, God refined me. My heart, mind, soul and spirit we reshaped. He showed me how to have Light in the midst of darkness. Of course, being a Google-Everything kind of person, I had immediately begun researching "panic attacks" to learn what to do to stop them. There are so many books and techniques, I studied day and night looking for answers. I made a list that quickly ran dry as I crossed off what didn't work for me. 
Well meaning friends would simply say Just pray or Give it to God, only it wasn't and isn't that simple. There had never been a time I cried and believed as desperately as I was in those moments. This is why I blog my journey. Unless you've been through it, others can't fully understand what it is like or what it takes to get through it breath by breath and moment by moment. This is true of any situation of loss, illness, pain any of us face. Our solution is the same no matter what ails us. Our solution is our Savior!
So, how do you conquer feeling overwhelmed, scared, panicked, worrisome, constantly fearing the next attack, wondering what you had done wrong, wondering what you were missing in your walk with the Lord, wondering why God had allowed this, wondering why it wasn't stopping after every desperate pleaing prayer. How do you comprehend another day living like this. 
It was here in this darkness I learned the Light of Grace, the Light of Hope, the Light of Praise, the Light of Love. All these years I begged and prayed, cried and feared. Finally, Light. "Your Word is lamp to my feet and a light to my path. Psalm 119:105" Our only hope is God. Our only rescue is the Blood of Christ. Our only strength is the Holy Spirit within the Believer, leading us towards the Prince of Peace, the Great I Am, our Redeemer, our King. 
If you or a loved one are suffering attacks of any kind in your life and you feel closed in by darkness, may I have the privilege to share with you a few the practical things I did that allowed Light in.... 
~Know you are greatly and dearly loved by God, even if you don't feel loved, you must accept the truth that you are by The God of this universe. Love conquers.
Read Romans 8.
~Saturate yourself in The Word and meditate on Truth, opposing all lies of the evil one. I admit that my first GoTo was Google, not God. It was Tips vs Transformation. I wanted transformation. 
Read Psalm 119.
~Write out Scriptures to keep with you in your pocket or purse. I made laminated Scripture cards for my keychain so I had quick access and could hold them in my hand when I prayed in those moments pulling out the Big Study Bible wasn't practical.
Read Deuteronomy 6.  
~Breath deep. Inhale Grace as you exhale fear, worry, pain, insecurity. You can feel it leaving you, especially when you are allowing it to be a Grace Breath. It will settle your body physically, emotionally and spiritually. 
Read 2 Corinthians 12. 
~Seek Intercessors to pray with and for you. While we are all instructed to pray, God has placed a special call on some Believers to be Prayer Warriors. These people stand tall, strong and firm against the realm we often forget about. They are girded up and ready to fight. Humble yourself and ask them to fight for you. Ask them to lay hands on you and pray over you. Ask them to remember you in prayer. Meanwhile, pray for them to remain faithful and strong as they fight on your behalf. They are putting themselves in the line of direct fire so they certainly need your cover too. 
~Praise everywhere, at all times. Peace is ushered in by praise. Rest in worship. Let it be part of your new nature to seek Him first, above the worry, through the stabbing pain. Inahle Grace and praise Him for never leaving you or forsaking you and loving you like no one else possibly can. Count your blessings and receive the peace that surpasses all understanding. I have always been a glass half full kind of girl, but to worship from a desperate and hoping and trusting heart is beyond mere pleasantries. 
Read Philippians 4.
~Seek help from Christian counselors. Sometimes we need more than we can give ourselves. Do what you need to do to be led by someone who knows your struggle. You are not alone in your struggle.
Thank you for letting me share my journey with you. I pray these words of mine encourage you to seek The real Words that heal and transform, to the Light of Grace and Love that saves you. Stay strong!!!! 

"Greater is He who is in you than he who is in the world." 1 John 4:4

Honduras, 2009

SCUBA & FAITH

While I haven’t met a vacation spot I didn’t love, I truly love the beach! The sounds of the crashing waves, the smell of the salty air, dolphins jumping topside, soft sugary sand between your toes…yummy to all the senses! Our family vacations have always centered around beach destinations and just to be fair, we mix in the mountains because we love them too, but the ocean has always had our heart.

My husband was SCUBA certified in 1994 soon after we married. He’s a thrill seeker and since I was just fine snorkeling above him. I couldn’t imagine all that could go wrong breathing 100’ below the surface, so I remained a snorkeler…until 2003, when he begged me to try this underwater world. It was our 10 year wedding anniversary and my Dad generously gifted us his week in Kauai. So, I did it! Now, I would be able to experience what my new hubby said was a grand adventure beneath the surface. 

It was nerve racking, scary and yet painfully beautiful. With pinkies locked together, we set off to explore the deep blue. I was too nervous to be relaxed and really enjoy it. The equipment was heavy and awkward. Then, there were all the risks of SCUBA. Children as young as 10 years old can get certified so it’s a pretty safe sport however, you do need to be aware of your depth and air supplies as you enjoy this new world, otherwise, yes, you can hurt yourself.

Our next SCUBA vacation in Cozumel was a much better experience. While I was nervous, I was more familiar with the gear and the water was amazing! (We still locked pinkies!) Before I knew it, we were swimming along at 100’ taking inane expected the awkwardness. Cozumel’s waters are full of lush colorful reef domes. Colorful fish of every size and shape darted around us in curiosity to this human fish in their space, lobsters and eels peeking out of their holes, turtles gliding by and barracudas sizing us up with their little teeth striking out of their jetted jaws. The sharks? Sleeping peacefully on the ocean floor. This underwater world was quiet, colorful, vast and graceful. You are weightless even though the moment you break the surface to return to land, the weight is almost more than you can handle.

Despite the dangers, awkward equipment, the personal cost to dive into the beautiful blues, we have the privilege to see, hear, touch and be a part of an amazing under water world that you simply cannot comprehend from the shores. It takes gearing up and going under in the cool crisp waters for yourself to know the ocean crackles, to be amused by the glittering and twerking of fish, to feel like you’re looking for lost Nemo as you spot Dory just off the reef. There is nothing like it! 

The same is true as we gear up to dive into the magnificent life of faith God has planned for us. Standing on the shore doesn’t allow you to see this other world. You must get into the waters to see, feel and hear what is below the surface. No one can do it for you. Getting into the waters by faith allows you to see what was once unseen and unfathomable. Faith opens our eyes to a whole other world of risk, adventure, beauty, peace, sights and sounds. At first it will be awkward and nerve-racking yet thrilling. It’s new. But God, He has created this amazing life of mind-blowing adventures. Even when it’s scary, awkward…He extends His pinky to you to lock on to. He leads us beside the still waters. He equips us with all we need for a faith filled life. The more you step into the Water of deep faith, the more familiar it will be and your appreciation, trust and eyes be exposed to vast levels you could otherwise never had experienced and enjoyed. There is nothing else like it!! Dive deep!!! 

"But Jesus immediately said to them: “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.”“Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.”“Come,” he said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus." 

Matthew 14:27-29NIV

Falling Into The Pit

Prior to 2008, I thought I knew myself pretty well and was okay with who I was. Reflecting back, I realize while I was okay with who I was, I wasn't okay with how I was. Born onto the Cradle Roll at our church by a military Dad and friend to everyone Mom, "doing the right thing" was something almost programmed into me. You add in my shy, insecure personality and there ya have your official Holy Roly, Goodie Two Shoes, always trying to be perfect and pure, not causing any issues, church girl.
I wasn't know as the loud one, party one, if anyone can do it she can (or will) or the prettiest one. I was proud to honor my Lord and my family as pure in heart and mind, never intentionally getting near trouble. My desire has always been to live "right" before God, family and others.
Years later when I entered Adulthood and soon after, Motherhood, it was at a time when the internet was taking off and the competition for commerce was in your home and phone 24/7. Back in my day, there were billboards, posters on storefronts and the occasionally mailed brochures. They were random and few. With the acceleration of technology, we have full time promotions. There are even ads you can skip, after you watch for at least 5-10 seconds.
All of a sudden, the comparison and brainwashing started to impact me. If I used that product, I would be prettier, my hair would be silky and styled, my outfits would be fresh, my car would have bluetooth (CD players back then). My baby would sleep better if I had this or be safer if I used that. We would be healthier if we bought this gadget and shopped at this store. My marriage would be happier if we went on this vacation and slept on this kind of bed. You have friends trying some of these products or ways of doing things and you wonder Should I be doing that? Is that the better way?
You can't help but wonder if it could be true, so you try.
And so it goes. Always wondering if this way is the best way, or honestly...if it's the right way vs the wrong way you are doing it. This is fear, worry, insecurity. Not that you aren't keeping an open mind of new ways to do things at home, work or in life, but you are feeling condemned at the choices and way you are doing things potentially inadequately or inefficiently...or wrongly.
After years of self-doubt and constant fear of judgement, I collapsed under the pressure into a pit. Thankfully God knew I was heading that way, and He had already lined it with grace. With the same child-like faith and heart to do right, everything about me was to seek to be better than I was. I always seem to find the best qualities in others but then instead of being sharpened by them, I felt less than because of them. I strived to be the best in every aspect, stacking myself up to the giftedness of every one else. Surely I too could take care of my home with all the homemade organic goodies and organize my home with glass jars and a label maker, hang perfectly ironed clothes in the closet and have vacuumed so well, not one dog hair would find it's way into a corner or a shelf in the house. I would do all this in my well nourished and fit body from my hours at the gym and eating from my cute garden in the back yard. Neither me or my kids would have cavities because we brush three times a day, seven days a week with the right toothpaste, never eating more sugar than recommended by the FDA. We would show up to school and church safely in our ride with side airbags and alarmed sensors. Oh how I could go on....
But there I was, in the pit, where grace softened my direct fall. It bruised me, and scared me, but it didn't kill me. It caught me. By grace, I laid empty yet so full of hope and faith for a better me. The perfect me that God has desired and created me to be. The Mom, Wife, Friend He'd be proud of. But here I lay prostrate and less than. Grace said You're enough. Grace said Just be you. Grace said Life is short. Grace said Days are meant to be lived, not wasted in worry. Grace said Do not fear more, fear less. Grace said Fear not! Grace said I am capable and you are in My hands. Grace said Follow Me. Grace said My grace is sufficient enough for you! Grace said Get up and go!
Friend, wherever you are in your life, remember Grace. You may be amazing at some things the Lord has gifted you for, but you are not equipped to have all the giftings of everyone else to make you fully awesome in everything to everyone. Jesus is the only Fully Awesome one. By grace, be you! By grace, be brave. By grace, be whole! By grace, live! Love Who's you are and how you are...saved by Grace!

"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me." 2 Corinthians 12:9 ESV

I'm fine, for real!

"This used to be me: Expert Wall Builder. I knew how to build a wall around my heart to scale. The sign hung read, "I'm fine, thanks for stoping by." Being "fine" wasn't freedom. Walls actually kept the hurt inside, without escape and caused damage on the inside. I never wanted to be a burden or cause attention to myself in a negative way for my heart was all about encouraging others and keeping the peace. And for those of you who may understand this: I felt that as a Proverbs 31 woman...a woman of great faith...a woman who loves the Lord with all her heart and trusted Him completely...that I would be "perfectly happy, encouraging, peaceful, full of wisdom and self-controlled." And yet, I wasn't. I never worried what others would think of me, okay, maybe a little but my greatest fear was disappointing God, failing to represent His amazing grace, smiling joy, peace that made me glide through every moment. I just wasn't always fine." ~Except from my journaling, 2009.

"Good Morning, how are you?" (Smiling)

"Oh, I am fine. How are you?" (Showing our pearly whites)

"I'm fine. God is good." (Still smiling)

Sound familiar? I dare to say it's the most common "conversation" we have with each other...not only at work, the mall, at lunch, and at school but especially in the church hallways. I know because I have been a part of them for many years. There is something to be justified about brief encounters where time is of then essence and it is neither the right person or the right place to "unload" our life's troubles. In today's culture, asking a person How are you is simply a form of greeting, words of acknowledgement, a showing of general effort.

But, as the Asker, are we genuinely hoping for a genuine answer? Do we really want to know how they are doing? Are we willing to be shocked with an honest response that takes up more than our 15 seconds of allotted time? I admit that I have asked expecting the normal flow of response to this well rehearsed pleasantry only to gasp when the person actually shares something real back. Wait, what?! Did they say something, for real?! Quick! Pay attention!! We almost don't know what to say back! 

Our fast-paced world has created in us the skills to shoot out words without immediate response. Technology feeds these quick, impersonal exchanges using our emails and texting, snap chats and tweets that allow us to put something out there and enable us to walk away from it for as long as we need. Then we can ignore it, respond to it, delete it, forward it, or share it. I am afraid we are learning to be filters and regurgitates vs feelers and responders. It is there in face to face conversations where real life happens and is lived out fully. Real words must engage between real hearts.

A photo we post of a scripture isn't the same as reading it, for real. Sending a picture of 2 friends having coffee with the hashtag #loveourfriendship isn't the same as sitting down face to face and enjoying a hot cup of coffee together, for real. Texting praying hands emojis do not replace actually praying,  for real.
Now obviously, long distance relationships do not fall into this category. For some of us, the only way we are able to connect is through our devices and praise the Lord for them so that we can keep in touch for real. We are referring to conversations and encounters we face in our day to day life.

At some point in our days, we are on one of the 2 sides of this exchange. There are times I just don't want to say anything about my brokenness, or I realize this is not the time of place to share, or maybe this is not the person to share it with. We must be discerning whichever end we find ourselves, being careful and considerate not to push the other beyond what God had intended for that moment.

This topic came up recently with a friend who serves on a Hospitality Team. This was our take aways:

If you the one Asking:
1.) When you ask How are you? Be sure to ask genuinely, make eye contact so they can see it in your heart's eyes, and give them the opportunity to share. God may have crossed your paths for such a time as this. Have a plan to step aside with them should they need more than a minute to share, or ask for prayer, or need your help. They may be caught off guard that you are anticipating an honest response. Sad but true.
2.) If you are welcoming people into your home or church, classroom, or passing someone in the halls, store, playground, wherever, and you simply want to acknowledge them, make them feel welcomed, simply say Hello! Share any pleasantry you'd like but don't ask if you don't have time to listen. You will likely cause hurt feelings if you ask and really didn't have time to listen because you were on your way to an appointment and you have to excuse yourself or rush out. Without meaning to, you leave them feeling brushed aside and unworthy of someones' time.
3.) If someone actually trusts you enough to share an answer but you cannot engage long enough to give them the proper time they need, be gentle, sincere and kind in letting them know that you would like to get back together so you may devote your full attention to them and set up a time you are both able to meet, even if it means 5 minutes later while you get someone to cover you, or if it has to be later that day, or that week. Do not rush them off.
4.) Maybe you sense something is wrong and yet the person avoids eye contact and has a titanium wall up you cannot seem to penetrate and they keep walking. Pray! Heed the voice of the Holy Spirit as to what else you might need to do besides praying for them.
One Sunday, a woman left the worship center in tears, and feeling like God was pushing me out of my comfort zone to approach her and offer up my help or prayers without her prompting, I followed her into the ladies room and asked if she was okay and she said yes, all the while tears flowed behind her closed door. I waited...and waited. I stood silently praying for her. She never came out. I reached out one more time to ask if she needed anything and she said no. I told her I would be praying for her and I went back to my seat, feeling bad that I wasn't able to "help" (enter Satan into the moment) and yet God affirming Well done faithful friend. I did all I could and all I was supposed to. Prayer is our best intercession and response every single time!

For the one being Asked:
1.) Acknowledge the person greeting you with a smile and genuine pleasantry. Be discerning of whether or not this person is simply greeting or welcoming you or if they are sincerely asking and waiting for an honest reply. We know that just because they ask, doesn't mean they have time for a explanation of your current life circumstances; however, this may be a genuine ask. It is kind and considerate to reply honestly, thanking them for asking. He/She may be the one God placed in your day for you to share your heart with.
2.) If you feel led to share, be respectful of their time. God does schedule divine appointments often, however, this person, whether a friend we run into, or a staffed person, had not made plans to spend 2-20minutes with you. Find out first if they actually have a few minutes to step aside and share. Ask them if they have a few minutes to talk or pray before you unload on them, putting them into a corner they may feel backed up against. It may be the perfect time that God has set aside for both of you and it will be perfectly timed and sweet. Just be sure to discern so before you assume so.
3.) Are we willing to be honest when things are not fine and say so? Even in pleasantries? Of course, I will be fine when I respond, I am fine but that's not my current truth. I am not fine even though I will be fine. Not wishing to lie, and to live an authentic life, I have learned to say, "Not every day can be a great one, but God is good." 

Pride wants us to portray perfection. God wants us to portray Peace. Not every one who walks out their door is perfectly fine. In this world, we will have troubles and it's okay to share them when we do. He tells us to share our burdens, confess our sins one to another, and rejoice with all. Maybe we have something exciting we can't wait to share with someone today, or maybe we just received devastating news and are seeking out someone to share it with. We all have "Those Days," "Those Feelings." Are you the one God has sent to ask "How are you?" Be ready! They may just have something to say, for real!!

"May the God of endurance and encouragement grant you to live in such harmony with one another, in accord with Christ Jesus, that together you may with one voice glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Therefore welcome one another as Christ has welcomed you, for the glory of God." Romans 15:5-7 ESV

God Can Hear You Just Fine.

I thought I would share an excerpt from my journaling from December 2008 as panic and anxiety attacks consumed my life, churning up my once neat and tidy soil. God used this season to shake up and shape up my heart, mind and soul, ultimately pruning back much of me so that He could do a refining work, reestablishing my root system and growing in me something new.

As always, I pray as you read through these words you allow God to speak to you, that it would be His voice you hear and not mine. May you be encouraged and reminded in the truths, you are loved, you are not alone, you are stronger than you think, He is near. Satan wants nothing more than for you to doubt the love of God and begin loosing hope. 

The further we fall into the darkness of a pit, the harder it is to find our way back out. But the Good News is that God is Light and His Word is a lamp for our feet and a light on our path. He will lead you, and you must patiently follow, one step at a time, one breath at a time.

Never quit believing God is for you. Cling fast to what is Truth. Rest in His care.

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13

"Embarrassed and confused myself, I did not share what I was going through except with a select few family and friends. I am a pretty private person, and struggle with feelings of insecurity and inadequacy. I was also serving in leadership within my church with a heart to do Women's Ministry and Retreats. If they knew, I knew it would kill that dream and I would become useless in Kingdom Work. Was there a way to describe it watered down? Would they judge me? Would I become even more less than and unnecessary than I already felt...

If I couldn’t even understand what was happening to me, then how could I expect someone else to!? I felt crazy, how could they not think the same?! “I’ve lost my mind!” is a phrase I could relate to. And it didn’t mean I had become forgetful. When you feel like you’ve lost your mind, it’s scary. Your normal thought patterns and reasonings are lost. Once methodical and organized, two steps ahead of every need, you now find yourself scrambling to catch up and grab hold of a sound thought. It’s chaotic and uneasy. For a perfectionist like me, it pushed me to the edge of myself, feeling even more inadequate than before. Now, I was sure of it.

Every day I had to fight against the lies that God wasn’t there for me, He couldn’t hear me, He no longer had anymore patience, mercy or grace for me. My faith didn’t waver but my focus, patience and endurance did. Each day was not better than the other. Day after day I grew in my exasperation. I wanted to be healed and restored. Each prayer felt like an echo, bouncing back at me off the ceiling, my words empty and my hands weak. When would this end? How much longer could I take this torture?

One day in particular, at my wits end, exhausted, fearful, angry, I cried out desperate to God, almost demanding in my tone, “Please be with me. Where are You God? Why can’t You hear me?” A few minutes later as I sat in the middle of the floor of my play room trying to gather myself to get on with my day, I heard in my spirit to go to the front door so I did. I don't recall noticing a knock at the door and the beagle wasn't barking.

Opening the door, no one was standing there and no one was around the yard or in the street, but then I noticed a door hanger on my door. Weird. Normally my beagle hollers at intruders in the yard. I had just spent the past hour cleaning up (and talking to God) in the front playroom and never heard or saw anyone out the windows. The door hanger was from a new church coming to the area. You won’t believe what it said…in all caps..

”GOD CAN HEAR YOU JUST FINE.” 

What?!?! I stood taken back for a moment...in awe that He had not only sent me a divine message...but now I knew that He could really, really hear me. I knew that message was meant just for me. But that assurance was for a fleeting moment because my very next thought was, “Then if You CAN hear me why aren’t You helping me?!? Anger filled me, not joy. It was almost worse to know He actually could hear me but choose not to help me. 

I had been so desperate to hear Him, to feel Him, to get confirmation that He had not forgotten me or left me to this darkness consumed…and then He says He can hear me just fine. Ugh. My heart and stomach twisted inside me. My soul wept “Then why Lord….why?” Was He so done with me, this was the end? Had He had enough? Was I worth His time anymore? I figured I had nothing left to offer Him. I was at the end of me. I couldn’t fix me and if He wasn’t going to fix me, then I was useless, merely functioning as an empty shell, depleted, exhausted, scared, lonely and sad. I was frightened. I felt completely alone. And yet, there was life to manage inside my doors, inside my home, inside my church...inside my soul. 

A husband and 4 children who were counting on me to care for them, help them, cheer for them, provide for them. Little ones who couldn’t wait for Mommy to tuck them in and tickle their tummies and kiss them on their sweet cheeks as they let go of their day and submitted to sleep. Big kids needing help with homework, someone to talk to about their day and help them figure life-stuff out and of course to find their missing socks. And a husband who always needs my help! And how I wanted to be an Encourager in the Kingdom. I couldn't give up.  This is a battle I wouldn't win on my own. 

I prayed so deep and often, "God, strengthen me and engage me deep at my core....revive me and restore to me the joy of my salvation. Still my soul and steady my mind. There is nothing I want more than You."

Truth was, it was hard to stay joy-filled and energetic when I felt completely empty inside, but as I look back on this season, it was by the grace of God I was able to. At the time, it was me just gutting it through one hour at a time, longing for each morning’s mercies….and healing. In reality, it was He Who carried me and sustained every breath, every hug, every Mom moment, every day's laundry and to-dos as life went on day after day and I remained the same weeping soul. Grace helped and sustained me.

God was faithful even though it didn’t feel like it. He was near even though it didn’t seem He was.  Maybe this was my Moses moment, my Job moment. Was He testing my faith and trust in Him?

His Word tells us through and through, He is faithful, He loves us and is working for our good, to prosper and us and not harm us. Trials and tribulations are meant to burn off the old and make room for new growth. Pits and valleys are torturous but The Cross took on the pain and penalties for us. He took on all our suffering...for our good. 

        Next time you find your prayers hitting the ceiling, remain faithful and strong. Gather a few trustworthy people and ask them to intercede with you for this season. It'll help keep you strong as God reaches out to hug you through their prayers and presence. We always think it's an imposition to ask for help, and for a perfectionist, it's humbling but the fact is it is a blessing to be able to stand in the gap for another. This was part of the pruning I had to let go of too. 

Trials have so many layers and we will never know all the many things God is working in us and through us, despite us.

Friend, you are not alone. You are loved. You are heard. You are enough. You are seen. You are worth much. You have a purpose. Don't give up! Be still your soul and rest in Him.

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, 

and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade. This inheritance is kept in heaven for you, 

who through faith are shielded by God’s power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. 

In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. 

These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. 

Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, 

for you are receiving the end result of your faith, the salvation of your souls." 

1 Peter 1:3-9 NIV