God Can Hear You Just Fine.

I thought I would share an excerpt from my journaling from December 2008 as panic and anxiety attacks consumed my life, churning up my once neat and tidy soil. God used this season to shake up and shape up my heart, mind and soul, ultimately pruning back much of me so that He could do a refining work, reestablishing my root system and growing in me something new.

As always, I pray as you read through these words you allow God to speak to you, that it would be His voice you hear and not mine. May you be encouraged and reminded in the truths, you are loved, you are not alone, you are stronger than you think, He is near. Satan wants nothing more than for you to doubt the love of God and begin loosing hope. 

The further we fall into the darkness of a pit, the harder it is to find our way back out. But the Good News is that God is Light and His Word is a lamp for our feet and a light on our path. He will lead you, and you must patiently follow, one step at a time, one breath at a time.

Never quit believing God is for you. Cling fast to what is Truth. Rest in His care.

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13

"Embarrassed and confused myself, I did not share what I was going through except with a select few family and friends. I am a pretty private person, and struggle with feelings of insecurity and inadequacy. I was also serving in leadership within my church with a heart to do Women's Ministry and Retreats. If they knew, I knew it would kill that dream and I would become useless in Kingdom Work. Was there a way to describe it watered down? Would they judge me? Would I become even more less than and unnecessary than I already felt...

If I couldn’t even understand what was happening to me, then how could I expect someone else to!? I felt crazy, how could they not think the same?! “I’ve lost my mind!” is a phrase I could relate to. And it didn’t mean I had become forgetful. When you feel like you’ve lost your mind, it’s scary. Your normal thought patterns and reasonings are lost. Once methodical and organized, two steps ahead of every need, you now find yourself scrambling to catch up and grab hold of a sound thought. It’s chaotic and uneasy. For a perfectionist like me, it pushed me to the edge of myself, feeling even more inadequate than before. Now, I was sure of it.

Every day I had to fight against the lies that God wasn’t there for me, He couldn’t hear me, He no longer had anymore patience, mercy or grace for me. My faith didn’t waver but my focus, patience and endurance did. Each day was not better than the other. Day after day I grew in my exasperation. I wanted to be healed and restored. Each prayer felt like an echo, bouncing back at me off the ceiling, my words empty and my hands weak. When would this end? How much longer could I take this torture?

One day in particular, at my wits end, exhausted, fearful, angry, I cried out desperate to God, almost demanding in my tone, “Please be with me. Where are You God? Why can’t You hear me?” A few minutes later as I sat in the middle of the floor of my play room trying to gather myself to get on with my day, I heard in my spirit to go to the front door so I did. I don't recall noticing a knock at the door and the beagle wasn't barking.

Opening the door, no one was standing there and no one was around the yard or in the street, but then I noticed a door hanger on my door. Weird. Normally my beagle hollers at intruders in the yard. I had just spent the past hour cleaning up (and talking to God) in the front playroom and never heard or saw anyone out the windows. The door hanger was from a new church coming to the area. You won’t believe what it said…in all caps..

”GOD CAN HEAR YOU JUST FINE.” 

What?!?! I stood taken back for a moment...in awe that He had not only sent me a divine message...but now I knew that He could really, really hear me. I knew that message was meant just for me. But that assurance was for a fleeting moment because my very next thought was, “Then if You CAN hear me why aren’t You helping me?!? Anger filled me, not joy. It was almost worse to know He actually could hear me but choose not to help me. 

I had been so desperate to hear Him, to feel Him, to get confirmation that He had not forgotten me or left me to this darkness consumed…and then He says He can hear me just fine. Ugh. My heart and stomach twisted inside me. My soul wept “Then why Lord….why?” Was He so done with me, this was the end? Had He had enough? Was I worth His time anymore? I figured I had nothing left to offer Him. I was at the end of me. I couldn’t fix me and if He wasn’t going to fix me, then I was useless, merely functioning as an empty shell, depleted, exhausted, scared, lonely and sad. I was frightened. I felt completely alone. And yet, there was life to manage inside my doors, inside my home, inside my church...inside my soul. 

A husband and 4 children who were counting on me to care for them, help them, cheer for them, provide for them. Little ones who couldn’t wait for Mommy to tuck them in and tickle their tummies and kiss them on their sweet cheeks as they let go of their day and submitted to sleep. Big kids needing help with homework, someone to talk to about their day and help them figure life-stuff out and of course to find their missing socks. And a husband who always needs my help! And how I wanted to be an Encourager in the Kingdom. I couldn't give up.  This is a battle I wouldn't win on my own. 

I prayed so deep and often, "God, strengthen me and engage me deep at my core....revive me and restore to me the joy of my salvation. Still my soul and steady my mind. There is nothing I want more than You."

Truth was, it was hard to stay joy-filled and energetic when I felt completely empty inside, but as I look back on this season, it was by the grace of God I was able to. At the time, it was me just gutting it through one hour at a time, longing for each morning’s mercies….and healing. In reality, it was He Who carried me and sustained every breath, every hug, every Mom moment, every day's laundry and to-dos as life went on day after day and I remained the same weeping soul. Grace helped and sustained me.

God was faithful even though it didn’t feel like it. He was near even though it didn’t seem He was.  Maybe this was my Moses moment, my Job moment. Was He testing my faith and trust in Him?

His Word tells us through and through, He is faithful, He loves us and is working for our good, to prosper and us and not harm us. Trials and tribulations are meant to burn off the old and make room for new growth. Pits and valleys are torturous but The Cross took on the pain and penalties for us. He took on all our suffering...for our good. 

        Next time you find your prayers hitting the ceiling, remain faithful and strong. Gather a few trustworthy people and ask them to intercede with you for this season. It'll help keep you strong as God reaches out to hug you through their prayers and presence. We always think it's an imposition to ask for help, and for a perfectionist, it's humbling but the fact is it is a blessing to be able to stand in the gap for another. This was part of the pruning I had to let go of too. 

Trials have so many layers and we will never know all the many things God is working in us and through us, despite us.

Friend, you are not alone. You are loved. You are heard. You are enough. You are seen. You are worth much. You have a purpose. Don't give up! Be still your soul and rest in Him.

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, 

and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade. This inheritance is kept in heaven for you, 

who through faith are shielded by God’s power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. 

In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. 

These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. 

Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, 

for you are receiving the end result of your faith, the salvation of your souls." 

1 Peter 1:3-9 NIV

A Discombobulated Heart

"I will bless the LORD at all times; his praise shall continually be in my mouth." Psalm 34:1 (ESV) That's not always easy is it?!? When our hearts hurt so much we can't feel it's pulse anymore. When our minds almost feel so numb we have no thoughts. When our soul is so burdened and heavy, we feel weightless. I have found this to be true during the seasons that are the darkest for whatever reason it might be. An overwhelmed soul. A burdened heart and an unsure mind.

I recently experienced such a heart draining season. It wasn't a loss of any one thing, but an accumulation of many things that saddened my soul. My marriage is good. My kids are all healthy. I have amazing friends. As far as I know, my health is okay (despite the continual fight of fatigue), yes, "though my outward body is failing, my inner is renewing day by day," believe me, I know! And for goodness sakes, I live in Paradise. So really, how could I possibly be downcast?!? Believe me, I wondered the same thing day after day. But there's that cloud, that blahness of nothingness. Anyone else feel that way in some seasons?

It is possible to feel such a weight of sadness, eating is something that has to be forced, getting out of bed is a struggle much less housekeeping or having to work, getting out of the house seems like a daunting task, and the thought of going to lunch with a friend isn't even an option. Then there is church. We go because it's what we do week after week. We wouldn't dare draw attention to ourselves by not showing up, and we don't want to lie and say "we didn't feel good" even though it is absolutely true in our heart, so we go, putting on the best possible smile, and cute, but comfy outfit we have.

We hug quickly, avoid eye contact and get to our seats as fast as we can. Music plays and yet it passes right through us. We feel nothing. The Pastor prays and preaches, and we hear mumbled sentences in our numb minds. Nothing is sticking. Nothing is penetrating through the wounded walls of our souls. Until...the name of Jesus, The Word, is spoken. Our spirit leaps within us a hope of help! Please speak to me! Rescue me from this pit! Can you hear me out there?!? You can feel the stirring within you but you have no strength, but then you sense it....He sees your hurt. His hand catches your tears while the other grabs hold of your heart's hand. And....He weeps with you. Oh what relief to collapse and be lifted! What joy of relief! 

The Great Physician has come to heal this discombobulated heart! The Mighty Counselor, The Great I Am, hears my cries! The numbness subsides and you feel breath again. Finally, our heart is hugged. Finally, the joy of the Lord, is our strength once again. It is well with our soul! What amazing grace! We can face tomorrow with hope and joy!!

I don't know what you are facing in your life personally, directly or indirectly, but I pray these words comfort you knowing you are not alone. Even the most positive people, the strongest of us, fall downcast on our knees and can't get up right away. Ecclesiastes describes the variant of seasons we all walk through in our lifetime. How wonderful a God we serve to send not only His Comforter in our time of need, but He sends friends who meet us in these little hidden crawl spaces of life and shine His Light into the dark little corner where we sit.

Maybe you're not the one in a time of sadness, then I plea with you to be a Light to someone who is. You won't know it it until you seek them out. They certainly won't be drawing attention to themselves if they are Giver. Encouragers don't like to be seen, un-encouraging. Yes, I know, Takes one to know one.

You will see it in their eyes if you just look for 3 seconds. Most likely your Spirit inside you is pulling to hug the spirit inside of them! Do not pressure them into sharing, it's the very thing they can't simply do nor do they want to fall apart right there in front of you. But, be the hug from God. Let them know you are there when they are ready to share, or fellowship again. Send them scriptures of hope and encouragement to keep their eyes fixed on Jesus. Lift them up in prayer and fight the battle against despair with them and for them. Speak loving truth, help them stay pure and upright. Be that LightHouse, a source of Light in to their darkness. And if you want to be a super great friend, a little chocolate goes a long way!! LOL!!!

Friend, He sees you when you are hiding from everyone else. Satan wants you to isolate and self-destruct, but you must fight back in Jesus Name! God hears your words when none can be spoken. He notices the tears drenching your soul. When you can't muster the strength to fellowship with others, He is with you. When you feel empty and numb, remember the filler of your soul and simply cry out, "Jesus...." He hears you. He is near. I pray your joy comes in the morning and you feel your heart beating again. Grieve when and where you need to grieve but also rejoice and count your blessings. Worship The Great I Am, dance with Him, sit with Him, smile with Him. His heart is for you. Today, be where faith is. Trust His friendship. Rest in His Kingship.

May the Words of Psalm 34 (ESV) encourage you today as a declaration of your heart, soul and mind! Bless your heart eternally and now! Hugs&Hope, Michele

"I will bless the LORD at all times; his praise shall continually be in my mouth." 

My soul makes its boast in the LORD; let the humble hear and be glad.

 Oh, magnify the LORD with me, and let us exalt his name together!

 I sought the LORD, and he answered me and delivered me from all my fears. 

Those who look to him are radiant, and their faces shall never be ashamed.

 This poor man cried, and the LORD heard him and saved him out of all his troubles. 

The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear him, and delivers them. 

Oh, taste and see that the LORD is good! Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him! 

Oh, fear the LORD, you his saints, for those who fear him have no lack!

 The young lions suffer want and hunger; but those who seek the LORD lack no good thing. 

Come, O children, listen to me; I will teach you the fear of the LORD. 

What man is there who desires life and loves many days, that he may see good? 

Keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking deceit. 

Turn away from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it. 

The eyes of the LORD are toward the righteous and his ears toward their cry.

 The face of the LORD is against those who do evil, to cut off the memory of them from the earth. 

When the righteous cry for help, the LORD hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. 

The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. 

Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the LORD delivers him out of them all. 

He keeps all his bones; not one of them is broken.

 Affliction will slay the wicked, and those who hate the righteous will be condemned. 

The LORD redeems the life of his servants; none of those who take refuge in him will be condemned."

AMEN!!!!!

My LifeProof

"For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:" Ecc 3:1
You bet I have the LifeProof case!!! I live with 4 kids, a dog and a cat, and have a pool and we vacation in snow and sea!!! I am frequently pulling it out of my pocket to take pictures...taking way more pictures than calls! lol
I take pictures on the water and in the water without worry. It proves durable even at the beach where I am able to capture great pictures while snorkeling and digging for sea shells in the sand.
There are times when I remove the phone from its very secure case and let me tell you, I am a nervous wreck!! It's thin, fragile and slippery. The thought of it slipping out of my hand and breaking to pieces on my tile floor or into the pool is enough to throw me into a panic! Don't bump me, trip me, I have the phone in my hands!!! Keep back 20ft!! lol We are talking big bucks to replace it, so I am serious...can't drop the phone!!! I do my best to keep it Life-Proof, cuz life happens!!! God's Word is our LifeProof case. We are breakable creatures (physically, emotionally and spiritually) and it is crucial we surround ourselves with the protection of God's Word. The mornings I go without my LifeProof protection, I can feel it. I feel vulnerable, on edge, breakable. The slightest bump in the day will send me into a panic. Someone or something "running" towards me can take my breath away. My heightened vulnerability only intensifies my responses to circumstances I face during the day. Don't bump me, trip me or scare me cuz I am holding onto my "self" and if I drop, I will break into a million pieces!
How much more peace and strength when I have on my LifeProof case, cuz life happens!! God's Word proves durable. It is my shield and protection through all terrains, through every season. I don't have to walk around a nervous wreck, keeping everything and everyone 20ft away because I know with God, He goes before me and holds all things together! (Col 1:17) I can live my life without fear!!!! I will not put my LifeProof case to the test. I will simply trust it where I am at, as I go and do.

Father God, Almighty King and Creator of ALL things, Thank You for the covering You provide for my fragile self. We are breakable creatures, with bodies, minds and hearts that can be quickly destroyed. It is this knowledge of our weakness that we hold on to You, putting on Your armor of Protection!! Your blood covers us wholly. Thank You Abba Daddy, for watching us, going before us and guarding us. You are all we need. Move in our hearts Lord to remember with fervency to keep our LifeProof shield on at all times so we are not quickly broken in this busy and chaotic world. Help us walk confidently, trusting Your guard over us. Wrap us up and remind us we are more than conquerors in Your name. For all seasons, You are Lord over all!! Praise You The Great I Am. Amen.   

 

"Then David said to the Philistine, "You come to me with a sword and with a spear and with a javelin, but I come to you in the name of the LORD of hosts, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied."

1 Samuel 17:45

 

"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might.Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm."

Ephesians 6:10-13

 

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD, and turn away from evil. It will be healing to your flesh and refreshment to your bones."

Proverbs 3:5-8

 

 

  

Because God Said So

Our church is a Praying Church! In recent months, our Pastor has placed a renewed emphasis on prayer and we have begun a Prayer Gathering on Sunday evenings at 4:50pm. Last Sunday I walked in a few minutes after it had officially started and I slipped in to one of the open pews in the back. I really wanted to kneel at the alter up front but I felt as if God was holding me back in the back. And He was, for a lesson.
When I first entered the large Worship Center, there was a still quiet except for a few small voices praying aloud from within their small groups. Much different than when I had entered just a few hours before for Corporate Worship! Although I had planned to pray up front at the alter, I had to fight the internal battle going on within me to sit in the back rather than move to the alter which is what I had planned to do. (Just that decision alone was a big deal for me as I am typically a "stay in the back" type of person, so I was excited to conquer going to the front that evening. I know, it's the little victories!! heehee) But....I felt the command to sit in the back. Yes, I huffed for a moment not understanding exactly why I had to sit there, in the back! Well, "Because God said so" was the only reason and that is one I have learned to accept without explanation or understanding! He is The Great I Am and I am the Little I Will.
It was towards the end of the prayer time that I sat up and "lifted me eyes up" as I had read so many times through the scriptures in recent study times (great things always followed that statement) and I finished my personal prayer time looking forward towards the Heavens. Then, my eyes dropped down and I began to notice the number of persons that were praying,...maybe only 10 persons. My thought went to, What a bummer that not very many were here. My heart was not judging, rather it was an observation the Lord was giving me. I knew there would be a few kneeling like me which I could not see, and yet it still seemed vacant. That large of a space easily swallows up a dozen persons.
Our prayer time finished and upon the final benediction and "amen" my spirit gasped at the amount of people that rose up from below what I could not see earlier. So many others had obviously been down praying on their knees or possibly their faces, praying before the Lord.
My heart rejoiced and was glad at the sight of all those who rose up! It's good to be wrong in cases like this!! LOL!!! God used this lesson to remind me:
God is working in ways we cannot know or see and it may not be as we had planned, for God's ways are not our ways! Like an anthill, at first glance, you may come to believe it's vacant...until you step into it and an eruption of ants coming flooding out! God is always moving and working despite what we "see." Our finite minds cannot even begin to comprehend the hands of God moving among the Universe, holding everything together in the Spiritual World and the Physical World (Colossians 1:17).
What a blessing to know there are those battling it out on their knees before the Lord, not before men, for the sake of Christ, that His will be done on Earth, as it is in Heaven. To think how many things were being prayed for, by so many people. What a comforting thought. What an encouraging reminder that we as the Body of Christ are not alone even when it sometimes feels like it. There are infact, armies busy working "underground", waiting and ready to come flooding out from the seemingly quiet coverings and at moment's notice/interruption!
Do you recognize Christ as the Great I Am and your place as The Little I Will? Can you hear His calls to pray for others, not just yourself? Do you remember that you are not alone and that He will send you rescue? Do you trust that He is working on your behalf and nothing can separate you from Him as His child? Romans 8 is a great encouragement if you need some reminding of these truths and promises!!!

Thank You Lord God of Creation, Maker of heaven and Earth, Lord of lords and King of Kings, Our Great I Am, thank You for Your faithfulness to work on our behalf. Forgive us when we believe the lie that You have left us to battle alone. Forgive us when we believe we can do life on our own. When we feel alone and outnumbered, God please remind us that You are there and that You have surrounded us with Your protection and provisions even if we are blinded to them, may we trust Your Mighty hand and outstretched arms. Give us the eyes to see and ears to hear the things of this world and in Your spiritual world, that You want us to see and hear. May we then be quick to act and trust in those moments of Truth, the plan You have for us. Thank You for those who You place in our lives to stand with us in the battles, praying, helping, encouraging, teaching, interceding on their knees. Help us be sensitive to the promptings of Your Holy Spirit to be obedient in these things for others too. Bowed before Your throne and not the throne of man, to You be all glory and praise. Amen.