17 Year Old Miracle Named Cody

Today is my second oldest's bday! Soooo hard to believe it has been 17 years with this guy! I am soooo thankful God kept him here for us to love and hold. In the beginning, we weren't sure we would be able to.

His big brother was born May 1997. Pregnant with hopeful baby #2, I miscarried. Surprisingly, a few months later I found myself expecting once again. At 16 weeks, I began having contractions. It turned out that my hormone levels from the miscarriage a few months prior had not return to normal so my body thought it was further along than it actually was. (My body liked being pregnant as much as I did.) I was sent home with a monitor that measured my contractions and was placed on bed rest for the remainder of the pregnancy. A handful of times I was sent back to the hospital for an overnight observation due to high numbers and intensity. Thankfully, prayers were heard and God carried us through week by week.
Our dear friends and family were soooo good to us. They brought us 3 meals a week, they took Big Brother Collin who was about 1 1/2 years old to preschool twice a week for me and on occasional play dates, helped with runs to the grocery store, did laundry and brought me my Sonic ice cravings and carrot cake fixes now and then! 
Contractions continued throughout the entire pregnancy but so did our prayers and faith. 
After 24 weeks, I was given permission to go out 2 times a week in a wheelchair. I asked because I missed the fellowship of my church and attending worship! Wish granted! I was allowed to go for 2 hours on Sundays and Wednesdays only, then it was back to bed. It was so great to get out of the house. 
Finally the day came where I could be free from all restrictions and within a few days, we found ourselves at the hospital. I called my sister the night before, November 29th and told her that she needed to stay close to the phone cuz I had a feeling!! Sure enough, we went in and stayed:) They broke my water at Noon while my Mom and Josh went to lunch and an hour later, I had to call them to come back because it was time! They came rushing back and at 2:31pm on November 30, 1999, we welcomed our 2nd miracle Cody Wayne Dickerson weighing in at 8lbs 1oz. That blue eyed, golden hair beautiful baby boy captured our hearts immediately! It was such a relief to hold him after sooooo many months of wondering if this moment would be a joyful one or a sorrowful one. God has Cody's days planned out and even though he was 2 weeks early on my calendar, he was perfectly delivered on God's calendar of time. 
Cody is the one person who can make me laugh till my back hurts. He gets others to see the world creatively and with lots of humor! When he was a baby, people would always stop me and comment on his golden hair and called him The Gerber Baby, he was so gorgeous and a bundle of love. 
In our family, he is our Cody-Bug. We love him sooo much! He loves people, reading, theatre, making people laugh, brainstorming, loves mind puzzles and a good debate, is creative, enjoys playing and having fun, loves his family, seeks the best in others, offers a helping hand at the first sign of there being a need and has great compassion for others. He is also an animal lover and sugar lover like his Mama. His greatest love is the Lord! He is SCUBA and has played every sport out there I think, with golf and tennis his favorites. 
I could only dream of having his energy, creativity and intelligence. His big brother loves him even though he annoys him often with his big dramatic moments and his little brother and sister love playing with him. Where Cody is, the party is!! He's a party in one!!!! I could write story upon story about life with him but there isn't enough time to share all the fun memories he has created!! 
Love this crazy creative playful young man! Thanking God for Cody especially today!! Thanking God for an awesome 17 years with this ball of fun and praying God blesses his life and guards his pure love and joy in life forever!!! 
Happy bday big boy!!!! May you never loose faith, love or laughter! Keep Christ first always!!! Love you so very much!!!! ~Mom  

 

Blessings and Burdens

"So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal." 
2 Corinthinas 4:16-18

Welcome back. I sit here almost comically laughing at the fact I am still dealing with my pitiful body (and attitude, if I must be honest.) Never would I have guessed a puddle of water could reek such havoc in my life. My neck and knees continue to bother me four months in. When my knee went out, the rest of my body carried the burden. What a blessing that it could or I would not have been able to walk and gotten things done. Just as I mentioned in the previous blog, how humbling and convicting to remember that my choices, other peoples choices, impact those around you.

Even though this has been the most physically challenging season for me, don't ya know God has plans in it for my good! I am reminded of 2 things: 1.) We need each other and cannot live this life self-reliant; 2.) What we do impacts those around us, for good or bad. We are all connected in the Body and when one part hurts, we all feel the impact.

Not able to bear weight on the injured knee, my right knee took on the extra weight with every impact. Getting out of a chair (or off the toilet as a matter of fact) was one of the hardest things (and remains a challenge), trying to stand up basically one legged. Getting off the floor? Forget it! Friends and family around me have helped me in practical ways more in the past several months that the last years combined. I am a Do-er by nature so this has been a hard pill to swallow. 

Sadly, after almost 4 weeks of going the extra miles, that burden carrying knee gave out. It has carried the extra weight as long as it could. It was injured nearly to the point of my original "soccer knee." I sit here with a neck burdened, hips aching and now two knees full of fluid...and a heart frustrated, exhausted and a soul searching for the purpose in all this mess. My poor husband and kids, while it has been a good opportunity for me to take a step back and let them Do a little more, they miss the part of me that engages with them as we Do together. How much longer Lord?! We ALL want to know.
While there are many layers to this season of rest, pressing onward, letting go, trusting, waiting, sharing, believing and pure exhaustion, they can be summed up within these two lessons:
1. ) We need each other and are not meant to be self-reliant. Our choices in life affect those around us, for the better or the worst. The Lord tells us there will be trials and seasons of hardship and we expect those. Even in the toughest of times, God has a plan and purpose and He calls us to share the burdens with each other as we cast them also on Him. For those of us who are Servers in the Kingdom, these are really tough seasons as we face limitations to what we can do. God knows this and as someone who has been a Server for many years, I have come to recognize seasons in my life God reverses the flow of out pouring and I become the receiver, inevitably giving others an opportunity to serve me, or on my behalf. It is not easy or comfortable. Every time I am in this place, I learn better how to appreciate it as I count down to the day it's over with. Here in the receiving times, I am refreshed and humbled. I appreciate the hearts of those stepping up to help carry the temporary burden. 

"So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, 

complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. 

Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others." 

Philippians 2:1-4

2.) What we do impacts those around us, for good or bad. We are all connected in the Body and when one sheds tears either of joy or sorrow, we share the tears. The Scriptures of full of instructions to guard the tongue, love one another, share burdens, give, pray, believe, confess, repent, feed, hope, sacrifice, bless, encourage and rest. 
I never thought my hurt knees would impact my family as it has. My mind and body are physically drained which drains the brain, interrupts routines and hinders opportunities. Staying at an exhausted level makes for little or labored process from all the normal things in life. I have to have help getting most things done. Nothing happens quickly anymore. Some things don't even happen. I miss the little things like cuddling with my little ones in my comfy chair on the patio as they wiggle around laughing or sharing about their day. I miss being able to chase them around the house to tickle them down when they need a good soul boost! I miss a lot of things while other things just have to be done differently.
Days my pain levels are increased, my focus, energy, joy, mercy, grace and compassion decrease. Does anyone else get this way? My pain becomes everyone's pain even though I do my best to "suck it up buttercup." We live together, so we impact one another whether it's intentional or not. As an Encourager, it makes me sad to not be able to serve like I love to serve. On the good days the joy flows, energy soars and laundry gets done! Praise God for those days!!
Thankfully God has granted my family grace to carry the extra burden and as time goes by, healing washes over my body as waves lap the shoreline. I am honored and blessed they help me like they do, not to say there haven't been eye-rolling and a few huffs at times. We just don't realize the impact our stuff has on those around us. This is true with all our choices, sinful or every day stuff, our blessings and our burdens. We impact and influence our environment and those in it.
In Burdens:
Something so simple as the one who took the last square of toilet paper and didn't replace it, or left the milk out all day, or forgot to turn off the hose or bring in the wet towel from the car, ask them. It mattered.
For the one addicted to drugs or alcohol and doesn't think their spouse is impacted, ask them. It does. 
For the husband who says his pornography doesn't impact his wife or family, ask them. It does.
For the one who is lazy and assumes others will pick up the slack and not think twice about it, ask them. It does.
For the one who demands their way as the way it has to be, ask them. It does.
For the one who abuses their authority, ask them. It does.
For the one who yells and curses, ask them. It does.
For the one burdened with guilt, shame, fear, insecurity, ask them. It does.
For the one caring for a physically or mentally challenged family member, ask them. It does.
For the one suffering physical attacks on their body, ask them. It does.
For the one persecuted for their faith, ask them. It does.
The burden we bear and the burden we cause, affect those around us even when we don't think it does. 
In Blessings:
For the one who bless their spouse with loving care, consideration and help, ask them. It does.
For the kids who's parent help them, pray for them, ask them. It does.
For the friend receiving our prayers, encouragement and support, ask them. It does.
For the ones we honor and salute their sacrifice, ask them. It does.
For the hurting friend who we simply hug or share a cup of coffee, ask them. It matters.
For the one hungry and we feed them, ask them. It does.
For the hopeless one to realize they have Hope in a Savior, ask them. It does.
For the ones in authority to honor the law and Lord, ask them. It does.
For the one who realized they once were lost, but now have been found, ask them. It does.
For the one afflicted in the flesh, but consoled by The Healer, ask them. It does.
For the ones we shared our testimony with, and have restored faith, ask them. It mattered.
The blessings we give and the ones we receive, carry an eternal weight of glory we cannot imagine this side of Heaven.
Our lives are an intricate balance of burdens carried and burdens lifted as we strive to both give and receive in this world, working together for a common good in humility, honor, submitting ourselves to the cause of Christ over our agenda and purpose. There is a season for everything and our response to those seasons are crucial to the Kingdom of Grace. 
Your life has an eternal weight, today. Today, we are healing, growing, breaking down while building up. Wherever God has you, may Love be our motive, help, healing, focus, redemption, strength, hope and cause.
For the one caught up in sin, yes, it is hurting you and yes, it is hurting those around you. Ask them. It does. But praise God Almighty, His blood is thick and fresh enough to cover all your sins and cast them far off, to mend your broken places and restore you to the plans and purpose He has created you for.
For you bearing the burden of another, bless your heart for the love you are showing in Jesus' Name. May He continue to grant you compassion and empathy for them. He is faithful to sustain you in your care for them. Be careful though, you do not bear more than you ought and get in the way of what God may be doing in their life. Us Encouragers and Peace Makers have a tendency to enable. You will end up hurting yourself in the process and healing will take longer for the both of you, extending the burden further to others.
For the one with the thorn in your flesh, remember for everything there is a season and God's grace will be enough to sustain you during this down time. Be willing to allow others to minister to you or on your behalf as hard as that might be. Check your pride and stubbornness at the back gate and come rest. Honestly, if you're thinking the world won't be able to function without your help, well, God was big enough to build it, He can manage it in your absence.  

"So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. 

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 

2 Corinthians 12:8-10 

Falling Apart

"We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies....

For it is all for your sake, so that as grace extends to more and more people it may increase thanksgiving, to the glory of God. 

So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal." 

2 Corinthians 4:8-10,15-18

My word these verses are real to me today as I sit here with an ice pack on both my knees, my neck, my collarbone, and my shoulder. It might have been easier to just dump 20 bags of ice into the tub, throw on the bathing suit and take a plunge than trying to balance all these bags! Seriously, what a hot mess...or chilly mess I guess. (Sorry, had to.)
I bet you are wondering what happened...must have been a car accident right? Or a fall from the ladder? Something to impact nearly my whole body. June 3rd, I was shopping at my grocery store and encountered a puddle of water I did not see until I slipped and turned to see what had caused my Bambi Moment. A 4" puddle. Only a few hours later, my calf, hamstring, neck, shoulders, back, arch of left foot, left hand all ached. You wouldn't think this required much healing time but after 3 months of physical therapy to deal mostly with the upper back and neck muscles, my blood pressure starting spiking dangerously high during therapy. (The exhausting list grows.) She stopped therapy till an MRI could be done. A week into the process, my knee took a hit because of the weakening of the first twist.
Not able to lift heavy objects above a certain level, I take my kids with me to the store to help with the gallon milks and water packs. My daughter placed the 32 pack on the bottom of the cart all by her 11 year old self but it was really heavy for her too. The bulk hung over the edge of the cart a few inches and knowing I couldn't push it back without killing my neck, I attempted to push it back sideways with my foot, much like a soccer ball pass (I suppose that is why the Doctor calls it my Soccer Knee.) Unable to push it back, we both knelt down and slide it back. Months ago, none of this would have even been an issue for me to handle alone. I am not a tiny girl and am thankful to have been in decent shape physically over the years to be able to tackle big projects. How humbling to not be able to lift a gallon of milk over 12" into a cart without pain in my neck and collar bone. I could go on a pity tangent and share all the every day things I still have a hard time with lifting and weighted things like laundry, yard work and mopping and obviously grocery shopping...but I won't. I know there are those of you dealing with much more intense ailments and my heart sincerely goes out to you. Stay strong and don't give up! Praise God there is more to this life than this body!! 
That evening I was getting into bed for the night and my knee felt squishy when I bent it. I knew I had stressed it on the water bottles, but I didn't think much about it. I was still icing my neck, and now I had an ice pack for my knee. R.I.C.E. once again for the hurting body part, another delay in the day, which turned into days upon days. Had an X-ray which led to the MRI of the knee (the neck is jealous) and now we know we have a sprained MCL and fluid, along with some degeneration that will have to be addressed. 
I cannot bear full weight on my left knee and stairs are painfully painful and exhausting. I walk with a limp and a hobble although some days I can hide it better than others. Here I am now nearly 6 weeks into this knee recovery and my body is feeling weak and exasperated. Because of the "soccer" knee, every other muscle in my body has had to temporarily compensate, carrying the burden of the inability of my injured knee to function. I feel muscles pull and stress that I never even knew I had! 
Even though this has been the most physically challenging season for me, don't ya know God has plans in it for my good! I am reminded of 2 things: 1.) we need each other and cannot live this life self-reliant; 2.) what we do impacts those around us, for good or bad. We are all connected in the Body and when one part hurts, we all feel the impact. For someone who is strong-willed and finds great joy in hospitality and encouraging others, it is very difficult for me to receive help, and yet this is something God continues to remind me of when I return to old habits and become self-reliant. I have no problem with teamwork. I have a problem with the team working for me! Big difference. I like to serve, not be served. But then God sets me up to re-learn this lesson once again...you are not supposed to do life independently. While we must not be dependent on others to meet our needs as only God can, God uses others to meet needs we didn't even know we had.
When my knee went out, the rest of my body carried the burden. What a blessing that it could or I would not have been able to walk and gotten things done. How humbling and convicting to remember that my choices, other peoples choices, impact those around you.
In the next blog, I will be discussing these impacts. I hope you will join me back here if this struck home with you as something you have struggled with yourself...not a knee injury, although bless your heart if you have, but the impact our "hurts" or the hurts of others, have on us that we may not even realize. See you soon! 
So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison! Blessings, Grace and Strength, 
Michele 

Worship here: 

Finding Jesus on the outside of your book!

It's that time of year again! Time to join the next Bible Study. Women's Bible studies have been a part of my journey for many, many, many years and anticipation grows with each one. Oh the joy of knowing something great is going to happen in the heavenly world we live in and the one we can touch and feel here. 
Week by week, new friendships are established and old ones strengthen, minds are blown at new truths learned and hearts softened and God's healing balm binds our wounds. Our spirits rejoice at the gathering, can you even imagine what He must feel when His children come to Him and ask for His love, assurance, direction and courage, peace and healing, wisdom and hope!?! We come feeling inadequate but eager to know our Father Better. You know He must leap off the Throne and smile! Do you think He exclaims HALLELUJAH!?! I bet He does!
Today, our small group gathered for our first day of Entrusted. As I prayed over our gathering time, God opened my eyes to something I hadn't really thought of and I shared it with the ladies, and I would like to share it with you too for the sake of deeper and wider growth as we enter in.
When we join a study and face the soul-searching, Scripture-homework, the tough questions, learning about God, learning about ourselves, we are seeking something more. More of what though? More than what we have. This week, God opened my eyes to look beyond the workbook itself. To see more than the Q&A's being asked of me. What happens on the outside of the book is just as important as what happens on the inside. Both have direct impacts on heart change. I have never focused on what happens on the outside of the covers of these books. Reflecting back, I see what He is talking about. 
Take the workbook away and ask a group of women to set aside 45 minutes of uninterrupted time every day to pray and worship and then a 2 hour time away to talk every week about their experiences, for 8 weeks and you've already seen a miracle! Then, we add into these moments, actual heart-work. Some chiseling and others mending work. It is exhausting and exhilarating at the same time. 
There is nothing like it when we intentionally get on the same page as God, with our Sisters. We grow in unique ways, one of which is accountability. When we join a study with other women, we are saying I don't want to do this alone, I want you to do it with me. We are committing ourselves as much to each other as we are to the personal study commitment between us and the Lord. We are saying I am going to walk this road with you and we will figure this out and help each other as we go. We are agreeing that our spirits can trust The One Who has gathered this specific group together at this specific time, for such a time as this to honestly share. We are gathering expecting to glimpse an extra dose of reality and strength. To know we are not the only ones struggling to answer question 4, page 26. To hear we are not the only woman stuck in a certain bad habit or behavior. To realize I am not the only one giving it my all I have and seeing no fruit, yet. To confirm something I have wondered. To be refreshed in Sisterhood blessings of laughter and hugs.
So often we see Bible study as the commitment to answered questions on the pages when what God is searching for is hearts falling deeper in Love's Name. Any Bible study we do, we ought to be looking for Jesus, on and off the pages. 
If you are new to a study or jumping back into one soon, I challenge you, I encourage you to look beyond the pages for what God has planned for you. Maybe your discipline for daily time management needs to be sharpened. Perhaps perfectionism or anxiety or shame might be overcome by the hugs and help of humility by way of vulnerability. There are probably a hundred different ways our Mighty and Gracious God uses to draw us closer to Him. 
Sister, He wrote The Book, cover to cover. Ask Him to reveal Himself to you in a fresh way this time. He is a faithful, jealous God. There is none more creative and awesome in power than He, so expect great things, in great ways...in many ways!  
I am so excited now to get started!!!!! Can't wait to find more of Jesus!!!           

“As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:9

I'm a Christian...Now What?

Now What? You've heard of that moment in a person's life. Their eyes are opened. Heart changed. Habits broken. A renewed heart and soul. They have this glowing essence of joy about them...they have accepted Christ as their personal Lord and Savior. And then it happened to you. Hallelujah! Now what? 
The assumed "fairy dust" of perfection, divine knowledge, eyes to see everything God sees, has failed you, or you find yourself asking what you have done wrong. We made this decision to lead a pure and blameless life, but how? What do we do?
We assume the Holy Spirit would be like a fairy of special powers to reveal all of life's answers the moment we invite Him to dwell within us. Like a Magic 8 ball you shake to get the divine, magical answer. He does work divinely...but He doesn't work magically. The Holy Spirit is not a Google-God. He is christ in us, available to lead, carry, encourage, correct, to show us the way God has planned and purposed for us. Prayer is our direct line to the Divine.
So what do we do now that we choose Christ to lead our life? How does this impact my marriage, my family, my friendships, what I do in my free time, the places I will go now? How do I worship, pray, study, parent and be an excellent wife? What now?
This was the conversation a friend and I were having recently at lunch. She asked, How do I do this? She had been saved several years ago but hadn't been intentionally mentored and was left to observe other Believers's lives (that's always scary...we are all sinners saved by grace) and has been trying to figure it out as she goes. She joined a Bible study to learn more about the Scriptures themselves but here she sat today, with a life rededicated to Him, desperate to know how she is supposed to be a Christian wife to an unbelieving husband, a Christian Mom to her kids, serve in ministry none of which she herself is sure of what hers is. How was she to lead or follow when she herself didn't know much about being a Christian? 
Churches are so good at presenting the Gospel but often fail at the last Amen of their prayer and discipleship never happens. The new Believer has no one to answer their question, What now? 
They have 2 choices: 1.) ask someone they trust or hope someone offers to walk with alongside them, or 2.) do their best on their own to read, learn and watch and hope you're doing it the best way for you. Why would we want our fellow sisters to have to figure it out when we have gleaned even a little to be shared? If God has saved us, we have a testimony of grace and what that has been like to share with others. Maybe we have forgotten or minimized our walk. Maybe our own fire has sizzled. Maybe we only see failure in our life. One thing is for sure, Satan will not be happy about connections made because he knows too well a cord of three is not easily broken. We must guard our established friendships for the same reason. God gets the glory when we stay united, honest, intentional and pure. 
I am afraid in our world of Instant Info, people find it easier to "look it up" and take whatever is the path of least resistance. I am guilty of that, thank you Google and Pinterest. What they really need is organic or intentional mentoring that helps any and every Believer throughout their lifelong journey. Thank the Lord I have this too!! I don't know where I would be in my faith if God had not blessed me with amazingly wise and willing, God-fearing, God-loving woman to help lead me navigate every area in every season over my many years. Learning and growing is a lifetime journey.
What do I do? 
We have all asked ourselves this same question at one time or another. There's always that first week, first crisis, first new friendship of sisterhood, first failure, first betrayal, first Bible study, first spiritual attack, first everything and then for every new season, a wonder how do I do this?!? We all have had our first day one day.
I was brought back to so many of my firsts, even firsts of new seasons like the one I am in parenting an adult child in college. The wonder. The fears. The prayers. The pleas. The failures. The victories. Where do I begin? What list of "things" can I share with her. 
Not knowing where to begin, I asked her what first is she trying to figure out. She said her marriage. Her husband does not share her same faith walk. While he once walked in the doors of God's house, it had been many moons since and he didn't understand her growing commitment, joy and faith. I tell you what, she is much stronger than she knows! I am inspired and awed at her commitment to walk this life in the freedom of her faith. If anyone could justify not going to church, it would be the spouse of one who doesn't. She could easily stay home and read her Bible silently alone and make the best Sunday morning breakfast anyone has ever feasted on and serve her husband by performing well. Instead, she serves well and loads up the kids for Sunday morning worship in her local church. She is learning and growing week by week, but what now? How does she do it once she walks out the doors of the church? To some degree or another, we are all trying to figure it out.
I am certainly not an expert or one who has it all figured out but I do have a life lived with both failures and victories. Some things worked out wonderfully while other choices crushed me. My personality is one of lists and long ones at that. I like details and structure more than random chance or chaos. I love reading and researching ideas and concepts of How-Tos from crafts, writing, photography, interior design and recipes to parenting, marriage and ministry. I began thinking of all the things I attempt to do as a help-mate to my husband and as a Mom to my children ranging college to elementary age. Oh how I wish I could do it all and be an excellent Proverbs 31 Woman, but I fail...constantly. Praise God my Lord and my family know my heart. They know that burnt biscuits and overcooked chicken doesn't mean I am careless and irresponsible or that I don't love them enough to provide Pinterest Pretty food. They know my heart is absolutely head over heels for them, thank God!
During our lunch, I was about to share the Proverbs 31 womanly goals we all dream of having, it hit me fresh again. The reminder how our lives are not about the things we do, or don't do. God looks at our heart. God has transformed us into new beings, we are therefore new creations and as that new creation with a new heart, it changes us as a whole. Christ in us is Christ in us. Our hopes, thoughts, behaviors, motives, filters, actions are because He lives in us. There are plenty of commandments and principles and examples to glean from in The Word and of course millions of books and plenty of conferences and workshops to learn some How Tos. The Proverbs 31 woman is a wonderful example of what it looks like in example of serving her family in her day, however what God asks us is to do is love Him and serve Him with all of our heart, and share this love with others, especially with our legacy children and future generations. Actions are simply the outward expression of our hearts. God is looking at our hearts and it is from the love we hold for our Lord that we love others.
Even though my husband is a seasoned, active in his walk Believer, the way I serve him and love him is no different than how my friend serves her husband. The ways I love, discipline and encourage my children of different ages and temperaments are the same way she will love, discipline and encourage her children. I am called to ministry, giving of my time, talents and resources for Kingdom purpose the same as she is as a new Believer. We both will do it scared but with humble adoration of God's equipping of His people to the task He has asked us to do no matter how much we know or how old our spiritual age. Our fruits (Galatians 5:22-23) to grow are the same and our love is from the same Father. We even (should be) thinking alike according to Philippians 4:8. Our lives and gifting may differ, but our Gift of Salvation and heart's aim are the same.
There really isn't much difference between us. Time is the only real difference  I have had the opportunity to build a history with my God and because of that, I have had more failures covered by grace, more victories to testify to His greatness and can call to witness His divine intervention and mighty Love! 
How do I do this? With God!!!!  
What now? Love fully! 

I am sure there was probably a shorter way to write this out, but I really wanted to get into the heart and mind of someone who might be reading this and can totally relate to the thoughts and behaviors of being that "new girl" and not knowing exactly what she is supposed to do now that she's made the choice to follow after Christ. And truthfully, you may have even accepted Christ as your Savior a hundred moons ago and yet have never sat down and had a practical, vulnerable conversation with another Believer on these things. How great and beneficial and rewarding when we do. Not only do we receive hope and encouragement, GOD receives the glory for a life lived for HIM! 
Well, I can't NOT give you some type of list to encourage you, so here it is: 

Love! Love God with all of your heart and chase hard after Him. Psalm 18:28-39

Be in His Word daily. Seek Him first in every way!  Matthew 6:33

Seek wise women of God and accountability. Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

Nourish your heart with faith, hope and love. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Find a good Women's Bible Study to glean within the hearts and lives around you. 2 Timothy 3:16-17

Serving others well and figuring out your ministry moments will come out of your love for God your Savior. Guard your heart. Deuteronomy 6:4-7

Listen to the whispers of the Holy Spirit and rebuke the whispers of Satan. 1 John 4:1-4

Confess and repent! You cannot hide from God! Don't give Satan a foothold. You are free indeed!! Luke 15:7

Begin and end every day with prayer and prayerfully wonder and worship in between. 

Share your heart and testimony with others. Matthew 5:16, Philemon 1:4-7

Remember you are loved, forgiven and precious and your mistakes and all your unknowns will never outweigh God's Grace for you. Lamentations 3:20-25, Jeremiah 29:11-13

If Satan was a Hurricane

"Be prepared!" For the past several days, this has been the message for those of us living in the path of Hurricane Matthew who has grown into a big, deadly storm here in the Atlantic waters. Haiti, Jamica, Cuba, Bahamas and now the US East Coast are on alert from the authorities. 
Prepare NOW, they say. Why now instead of waiting till we know his more specific path? Because practical wisdom tells us once the storm hits, it not only is more difficult to work and prep outdoors as you fight the elements, it could even be impossible. In the event of a severe storm (such as the one we are facing this weekend), evacuations are necessary, a life and death decision that has to be made and acted upon NOW...not tomorrow...NOW! There is also the chance it's course will change direction or strength at a moment's notice. 
Many locals have shared stories of waking up in the middle of the night to storms that had changed direction. Had they not taken precautions before they went to bed, just in case, they would have endured more damage than had they not. Imagine replacing the hose nozzle on your garden hose as the water pressure continues to flow against you. Imagine folding sheets outdoors in gusty winds. There is a slight chance you can get these things done, but it will be extremely difficult and take more time and energy than if they had been done before opposition came against you. And worse case scenario is you won't be ready at all and the storm will overtake you.  
Here in Florida, we are currently bracing for Hurricane Matthew. It is being classified as a Major Storm as it directs it's path as a Cat4 heading to Central Florida. Media on every channel, in every country, on every island, on every website are pleading their case to Be Prepared and the time is NOW! Once the storm is here, it will be too late. Now is the time to gather supplies. Now is the time to secure your belongings. Now is the time to fins supplies to lock down your boat and home. Now is the time to formulate a plan to evacuate if it becomes necessary. Now is the time to prepare.
Of course, there are those who wait till the last minute only to find gas stations who are sold out of gas, stores sold out of water, food and batteries and . Left without essentials needed, they create for themselves a crisis within the crisis. If only they had heeded advice of those who know the devastation storms produce and listen to their warning...Be prepared!
As I clear my yard, secure the house and boat, gas the cars, buy hurricane friendly foods, stock up the water supplies, check in with friends and family, make safety plans and prepare for the impending threat, I can't help but think of the storms in our lives we must be prepared for so we are not overtaken. 

"For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of God’s glory displayed in the face of Christ. 

But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. 

We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed." 2 Corinthians 4:6-9 (NIV)

Satan is just like a hurricane. He appears out of the middle of nowhere, has his own unpredicatble path, he is destructive, causes chaos, creates great debt and loss. He tears things down and never builds things up. No one wants him in their home and yet he comes knocking on our doors, often pushing his way inside. He threatens our security and messes up our plans. If Satan was a Hurricane.
God's Word warns us to be prepared. There is a season for everything and Satan prowls like a lion, ready to destroy when the time is right...his timing, his way, regardless of who you are or what you do or where you live. Satan is fierce and like a hurricane, has many destructive levels and creates havoc along his path. 
The time to prepare yourself for a storm, is before it comes and since we don't know when the storm will show up, we must be prepared now. Spiritual muscles take time to build and it is often during the crisis they are strengthened. But if you haven't already been working them out, you're gonna hurt worse than had you already begun the process of strengthening. You may fair well through life's Tropical Depression and maybe even a Cat1, but should a Cat4 or Cat5 hit your dwelling place, will you have been ready? Will you have done all you could possibly do to manage well, heeding the advice of The One Who knows all about storms?

How can we prepare now for Satan's storms in our lives? 
~ Read His Word and know The Plan. The Bible is full of wisdom and instruction for how we can live our lives under His protection, receiving His provisions. Nothing happens without His permissions, therefore we can trust the Plans and Person of God, our Shield and Savior.
~ Pray and cast your cares on Him. Storms remind us how small we are in the universe and how big our god is. We cannot hide from Him and He truly is the best place to cast our fears and insecurities, because He loves us unconditionally. There is no greater Savior of Friend than our Lord.
~ Do your part and let God do His. We cannot control the surge, size, path or category of the storm heading our way. We are not in complete control. God is. Preparing for a Hurricane doesn't make the hurricane dissipate. It simply prepares us to endure it better than if we were fully open to it's destruction. 
~ Remember Who God is. Bad things do happen to Believers. God does allow crisis and storms to rage at varying degrees. Some will make a mess and some will devastate us but thanks to our great God, we will not be destroyed. He is faithful and good. Storms can clear away debris and refresh our waters. Crisis can bring us to our knees and teach us vulnerable hope we could learn no other way.
~ Gather together. We are not meant to weather storms alone. While our faith is our own, our journey is not. We need each other. Storms have a unique way of bringing communities together under one cause, for one hope...survival. When storms come, we have personal responsibilities as well as the care we ought to show our neighbors. 

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In His great mercy He has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead,

and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade. This inheritance is kept in heaven for you, 

who through faith are shielded by God’s power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. 

In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. 

These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. 

Though you have not seen Him, you love Him; and even though you do not see Him now, you believe in Him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the end result of your faith, the salvation of your souls." 1 Peter 1:3-9 (NIV)

A Labor of Love

What a glorious birthing it was. A true labor of Love. Just before she arrived, a wave of peace consumed me from the inside and just in the nick of time. A minute later and I may have just freaked out and lost it! Quitting was not an option at this point. There was no turning back...it was time!

Her name? Simulcast. She was a Beth Moore Simulcast! I bet there are some of you who think that sounds ridiculous and yet I have to believe I am not the only who has been part of birthing a women's ministry event like this. The anticipation. The deep breathing. The watching. The waiting. The pain. The thrill. The sacrifice. The emotions. The hope. The faith. The stretch. The push. The birth. She was a labor of Love.

I have noticed a pattern in my walk with the Lord of what I would consider Last Minute callings or inspirations. Days before a Bible study, an epiphany. In the middle of a coffee date, finally wisdom or practical help. Months and even weeks before an event, the call to do it. It's not totally rare, but it is consistent, which I think is rare. I dream of having more time to prepare and double and triple check details and correct errors but a deadline usually comes quicker than I have time for. Why can't I have Year Plans Lord?!?

So it was for this beautiful birth. A month ago, God said Guess What?!? Affirmation came a week later, then growth began. My heart and flesh stretched as I used muscles only God knew I had, some of which hurt a little from the strain and yet I believed He would not give more than I could handle. 

He is trustworthy I whispered to myself. I pressed on with the others, planning, preparing, getting the nest ready to welcome our guest. I couldn't help but wonder would I be ready for her? Was I good enough? Could I handle this? Had I done everything I could for her arrival? 

Grace followed every exhale of an anxious inhale. Yes, our Sweet Abba Father would be strong enough for He was greater than my own efforts. Because He conceived her in the womb of my soul, He would be faithful to provide and would equip me for all I needed to do my part as He did what only He could do. My part was to trust.

The day finally was upon us and it was the night before. It was such a quick moment and yet it felt like I had been ready forever, waiting and anticipating her debut. The night before we gathered together and made ready her stage, gathering all she would need, testing our connection strength and praying for her arrival. Then there, early Saturday morning, contractions of real labor began. I arrived at the center and was nearly giddy in anticipation and yet sick to my stomach I could have puked, but too joyful to give it a second thought. The show must go on as they say! Suddenly, we lost her signal and my breath escaped me. 

Nooooo....not now, we have come this far already, we can't loose her. My breath deepened and quickened. Sore from the week of stretching, I dropped to the floor on hands and knees before the Cross and began to rock back and forth in prayer, searching for words, searching for a glimpse of life in the dead silence, desperate for assurance, reminding myself He won't give you more than you can handle. He is trustworthy...He won't give more than we can handle....all things to His glory...all according to what He has planned, may it be so. Take this labor and make it Yours, I trust You...I trust You. Remove barriers and knock out walls, You King and Creator are over all things and we are Yours, she is Yours, protect her for Your glory Lord. 

Other circled the center praying likewise, binding all evil and keeping our Peace and Glory a Mighty force to be reckoned with in His Name. Hearts and hands were lifted and open, praising and pleading.  

After what seemed like hours in what was really only 20 minutes, we heard her! What pure joy! Her signal was strong. Her timing was perfect and God was proven faithful and trustworthy, worthy of all our praise just as He said He would be. Family and friends gathered together as One and rejoiced at her arrival. With shouts of joy, proclaiming the Great I Am, we had her! 

She was lovely just as we had dreamed she would be. Her delivery was smooth and it rocked our world. What a testimony she has. 92 women's lives were impacted because of this beautiful gift of love. What a blessing! What a delivery! What a gift!

Was she worth it? Yes. Will we do it again? Lord willing, YES!! God is good and God is faithful! Can I get a Hallelujah and an Amen?!?

"For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them." 
Matthew 18:20 ESV

"May the God of endurance and encouragement grant you to live in such harmony with one another, in accord with Christ Jesus, that together you may with one voice glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore welcome one another as Christ has welcomed you, for the glory of God." 
Romans 15:5-7 ESV

Light in the darkness

Sometimes it takes more than a deep breath to ease ourselves in the midst of a panic moment. Those moments when you feel your world tremble, the rug being yanked out beneath you, the stab of betrayal, the punch of loss, pain of illness, the closing in of fear, worry and anxiety, and the unknowns. Mounted ontop of an already scary and evil world we live in. This is still one nation Under God, for the sheer fact He is above us. But we certainly do seem to live or build our country this way. Then again, evil has always been at work and God has always been on the Throne, so some things haven't changed except the date and the route.
I have suffered with anxiety and panic since I was a young girl, terrified of the boogie man and harm coming to me from someone in my community. My parents were involved with Crime Prevention so these were real concerns to a little girl. I heard about all the "stuff" going on in my community and it was frightening. Even in school, I was afraid of being an innocent by-stander getting caught in the midst of evil. These awareness and lack of confidence for a shy and insecure girl often shook my world in tangible ways. My body turned cold, shivering head to toe. 
As I grew older, the fearful attacks grew less and yet I have always lived a life "looking over my shoulder" and always wondering "what if....!" In 2008 when I walked into the darkness of panic and anxiety attacks, my world earthquaked and knocked me off my feet where I fell flat on my face, thankfully right at the feet of Christ my Savior. It was an intense, frightening journey but in the midst of this fire, God refined me. My heart, mind, soul and spirit we reshaped. He showed me how to have Light in the midst of darkness. Of course, being a Google-Everything kind of person, I had immediately begun researching "panic attacks" to learn what to do to stop them. There are so many books and techniques, I studied day and night looking for answers. I made a list that quickly ran dry as I crossed off what didn't work for me. 
Well meaning friends would simply say Just pray or Give it to God, only it wasn't and isn't that simple. There had never been a time I cried and believed as desperately as I was in those moments. This is why I blog my journey. Unless you've been through it, others can't fully understand what it is like or what it takes to get through it breath by breath and moment by moment. This is true of any situation of loss, illness, pain any of us face. Our solution is the same no matter what ails us. Our solution is our Savior!
So, how do you conquer feeling overwhelmed, scared, panicked, worrisome, constantly fearing the next attack, wondering what you had done wrong, wondering what you were missing in your walk with the Lord, wondering why God had allowed this, wondering why it wasn't stopping after every desperate pleaing prayer. How do you comprehend another day living like this. 
It was here in this darkness I learned the Light of Grace, the Light of Hope, the Light of Praise, the Light of Love. All these years I begged and prayed, cried and feared. Finally, Light. "Your Word is lamp to my feet and a light to my path. Psalm 119:105" Our only hope is God. Our only rescue is the Blood of Christ. Our only strength is the Holy Spirit within the Believer, leading us towards the Prince of Peace, the Great I Am, our Redeemer, our King. 
If you or a loved one are suffering attacks of any kind in your life and you feel closed in by darkness, may I have the privilege to share with you a few the practical things I did that allowed Light in.... 
~Know you are greatly and dearly loved by God, even if you don't feel loved, you must accept the truth that you are by The God of this universe. Love conquers.
Read Romans 8.
~Saturate yourself in The Word and meditate on Truth, opposing all lies of the evil one. I admit that my first GoTo was Google, not God. It was Tips vs Transformation. I wanted transformation. 
Read Psalm 119.
~Write out Scriptures to keep with you in your pocket or purse. I made laminated Scripture cards for my keychain so I had quick access and could hold them in my hand when I prayed in those moments pulling out the Big Study Bible wasn't practical.
Read Deuteronomy 6.  
~Breath deep. Inhale Grace as you exhale fear, worry, pain, insecurity. You can feel it leaving you, especially when you are allowing it to be a Grace Breath. It will settle your body physically, emotionally and spiritually. 
Read 2 Corinthians 12. 
~Seek Intercessors to pray with and for you. While we are all instructed to pray, God has placed a special call on some Believers to be Prayer Warriors. These people stand tall, strong and firm against the realm we often forget about. They are girded up and ready to fight. Humble yourself and ask them to fight for you. Ask them to lay hands on you and pray over you. Ask them to remember you in prayer. Meanwhile, pray for them to remain faithful and strong as they fight on your behalf. They are putting themselves in the line of direct fire so they certainly need your cover too. 
~Praise everywhere, at all times. Peace is ushered in by praise. Rest in worship. Let it be part of your new nature to seek Him first, above the worry, through the stabbing pain. Inahle Grace and praise Him for never leaving you or forsaking you and loving you like no one else possibly can. Count your blessings and receive the peace that surpasses all understanding. I have always been a glass half full kind of girl, but to worship from a desperate and hoping and trusting heart is beyond mere pleasantries. 
Read Philippians 4.
~Seek help from Christian counselors. Sometimes we need more than we can give ourselves. Do what you need to do to be led by someone who knows your struggle. You are not alone in your struggle.
Thank you for letting me share my journey with you. I pray these words of mine encourage you to seek The real Words that heal and transform, to the Light of Grace and Love that saves you. Stay strong!!!! 

"Greater is He who is in you than he who is in the world." 1 John 4:4

Honduras, 2009

SCUBA & FAITH

While I haven’t met a vacation spot I didn’t love, I truly love the beach! The sounds of the crashing waves, the smell of the salty air, dolphins jumping topside, soft sugary sand between your toes…yummy to all the senses! Our family vacations have always centered around beach destinations and just to be fair, we mix in the mountains because we love them too, but the ocean has always had our heart.

My husband was SCUBA certified in 1994 soon after we married. He’s a thrill seeker and since I was just fine snorkeling above him. I couldn’t imagine all that could go wrong breathing 100’ below the surface, so I remained a snorkeler…until 2003, when he begged me to try this underwater world. It was our 10 year wedding anniversary and my Dad generously gifted us his week in Kauai. So, I did it! Now, I would be able to experience what my new hubby said was a grand adventure beneath the surface. 

It was nerve racking, scary and yet painfully beautiful. With pinkies locked together, we set off to explore the deep blue. I was too nervous to be relaxed and really enjoy it. The equipment was heavy and awkward. Then, there were all the risks of SCUBA. Children as young as 10 years old can get certified so it’s a pretty safe sport however, you do need to be aware of your depth and air supplies as you enjoy this new world, otherwise, yes, you can hurt yourself.

Our next SCUBA vacation in Cozumel was a much better experience. While I was nervous, I was more familiar with the gear and the water was amazing! (We still locked pinkies!) Before I knew it, we were swimming along at 100’ taking inane expected the awkwardness. Cozumel’s waters are full of lush colorful reef domes. Colorful fish of every size and shape darted around us in curiosity to this human fish in their space, lobsters and eels peeking out of their holes, turtles gliding by and barracudas sizing us up with their little teeth striking out of their jetted jaws. The sharks? Sleeping peacefully on the ocean floor. This underwater world was quiet, colorful, vast and graceful. You are weightless even though the moment you break the surface to return to land, the weight is almost more than you can handle.

Despite the dangers, awkward equipment, the personal cost to dive into the beautiful blues, we have the privilege to see, hear, touch and be a part of an amazing under water world that you simply cannot comprehend from the shores. It takes gearing up and going under in the cool crisp waters for yourself to know the ocean crackles, to be amused by the glittering and twerking of fish, to feel like you’re looking for lost Nemo as you spot Dory just off the reef. There is nothing like it! 

The same is true as we gear up to dive into the magnificent life of faith God has planned for us. Standing on the shore doesn’t allow you to see this other world. You must get into the waters to see, feel and hear what is below the surface. No one can do it for you. Getting into the waters by faith allows you to see what was once unseen and unfathomable. Faith opens our eyes to a whole other world of risk, adventure, beauty, peace, sights and sounds. At first it will be awkward and nerve-racking yet thrilling. It’s new. But God, He has created this amazing life of mind-blowing adventures. Even when it’s scary, awkward…He extends His pinky to you to lock on to. He leads us beside the still waters. He equips us with all we need for a faith filled life. The more you step into the Water of deep faith, the more familiar it will be and your appreciation, trust and eyes be exposed to vast levels you could otherwise never had experienced and enjoyed. There is nothing else like it!! Dive deep!!! 

"But Jesus immediately said to them: “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.”“Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.”“Come,” he said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus." 

Matthew 14:27-29NIV

Falling Into The Pit

Prior to 2008, I thought I knew myself pretty well and was okay with who I was. Reflecting back, I realize while I was okay with who I was, I wasn't okay with how I was. Born onto the Cradle Roll at our church by a military Dad and friend to everyone Mom, "doing the right thing" was something almost programmed into me. You add in my shy, insecure personality and there ya have your official Holy Roly, Goodie Two Shoes, always trying to be perfect and pure, not causing any issues, church girl.
I wasn't know as the loud one, party one, if anyone can do it she can (or will) or the prettiest one. I was proud to honor my Lord and my family as pure in heart and mind, never intentionally getting near trouble. My desire has always been to live "right" before God, family and others.
Years later when I entered Adulthood and soon after, Motherhood, it was at a time when the internet was taking off and the competition for commerce was in your home and phone 24/7. Back in my day, there were billboards, posters on storefronts and the occasionally mailed brochures. They were random and few. With the acceleration of technology, we have full time promotions. There are even ads you can skip, after you watch for at least 5-10 seconds.
All of a sudden, the comparison and brainwashing started to impact me. If I used that product, I would be prettier, my hair would be silky and styled, my outfits would be fresh, my car would have bluetooth (CD players back then). My baby would sleep better if I had this or be safer if I used that. We would be healthier if we bought this gadget and shopped at this store. My marriage would be happier if we went on this vacation and slept on this kind of bed. You have friends trying some of these products or ways of doing things and you wonder Should I be doing that? Is that the better way?
You can't help but wonder if it could be true, so you try.
And so it goes. Always wondering if this way is the best way, or honestly...if it's the right way vs the wrong way you are doing it. This is fear, worry, insecurity. Not that you aren't keeping an open mind of new ways to do things at home, work or in life, but you are feeling condemned at the choices and way you are doing things potentially inadequately or inefficiently...or wrongly.
After years of self-doubt and constant fear of judgement, I collapsed under the pressure into a pit. Thankfully God knew I was heading that way, and He had already lined it with grace. With the same child-like faith and heart to do right, everything about me was to seek to be better than I was. I always seem to find the best qualities in others but then instead of being sharpened by them, I felt less than because of them. I strived to be the best in every aspect, stacking myself up to the giftedness of every one else. Surely I too could take care of my home with all the homemade organic goodies and organize my home with glass jars and a label maker, hang perfectly ironed clothes in the closet and have vacuumed so well, not one dog hair would find it's way into a corner or a shelf in the house. I would do all this in my well nourished and fit body from my hours at the gym and eating from my cute garden in the back yard. Neither me or my kids would have cavities because we brush three times a day, seven days a week with the right toothpaste, never eating more sugar than recommended by the FDA. We would show up to school and church safely in our ride with side airbags and alarmed sensors. Oh how I could go on....
But there I was, in the pit, where grace softened my direct fall. It bruised me, and scared me, but it didn't kill me. It caught me. By grace, I laid empty yet so full of hope and faith for a better me. The perfect me that God has desired and created me to be. The Mom, Wife, Friend He'd be proud of. But here I lay prostrate and less than. Grace said You're enough. Grace said Just be you. Grace said Life is short. Grace said Days are meant to be lived, not wasted in worry. Grace said Do not fear more, fear less. Grace said Fear not! Grace said I am capable and you are in My hands. Grace said Follow Me. Grace said My grace is sufficient enough for you! Grace said Get up and go!
Friend, wherever you are in your life, remember Grace. You may be amazing at some things the Lord has gifted you for, but you are not equipped to have all the giftings of everyone else to make you fully awesome in everything to everyone. Jesus is the only Fully Awesome one. By grace, be you! By grace, be brave. By grace, be whole! By grace, live! Love Who's you are and how you are...saved by Grace!

"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me." 2 Corinthians 12:9 ESV