A Discombobulated Heart

"I will bless the LORD at all times; his praise shall continually be in my mouth." Psalm 34:1 (ESV) That's not always easy is it?!? When our hearts hurt so much we can't feel it's pulse anymore. When our minds almost feel so numb we have no thoughts. When our soul is so burdened and heavy, we feel weightless. I have found this to be true during the seasons that are the darkest for whatever reason it might be. An overwhelmed soul. A burdened heart and an unsure mind.

I recently experienced such a heart draining season. It wasn't a loss of any one thing, but an accumulation of many things that saddened my soul. My marriage is good. My kids are all healthy. I have amazing friends. As far as I know, my health is okay (despite the continual fight of fatigue), yes, "though my outward body is failing, my inner is renewing day by day," believe me, I know! And for goodness sakes, I live in Paradise. So really, how could I possibly be downcast?!? Believe me, I wondered the same thing day after day. But there's that cloud, that blahness of nothingness. Anyone else feel that way in some seasons?

It is possible to feel such a weight of sadness, eating is something that has to be forced, getting out of bed is a struggle much less housekeeping or having to work, getting out of the house seems like a daunting task, and the thought of going to lunch with a friend isn't even an option. Then there is church. We go because it's what we do week after week. We wouldn't dare draw attention to ourselves by not showing up, and we don't want to lie and say "we didn't feel good" even though it is absolutely true in our heart, so we go, putting on the best possible smile, and cute, but comfy outfit we have.

We hug quickly, avoid eye contact and get to our seats as fast as we can. Music plays and yet it passes right through us. We feel nothing. The Pastor prays and preaches, and we hear mumbled sentences in our numb minds. Nothing is sticking. Nothing is penetrating through the wounded walls of our souls. Until...the name of Jesus, The Word, is spoken. Our spirit leaps within us a hope of help! Please speak to me! Rescue me from this pit! Can you hear me out there?!? You can feel the stirring within you but you have no strength, but then you sense it....He sees your hurt. His hand catches your tears while the other grabs hold of your heart's hand. And....He weeps with you. Oh what relief to collapse and be lifted! What joy of relief! 

The Great Physician has come to heal this discombobulated heart! The Mighty Counselor, The Great I Am, hears my cries! The numbness subsides and you feel breath again. Finally, our heart is hugged. Finally, the joy of the Lord, is our strength once again. It is well with our soul! What amazing grace! We can face tomorrow with hope and joy!!

I don't know what you are facing in your life personally, directly or indirectly, but I pray these words comfort you knowing you are not alone. Even the most positive people, the strongest of us, fall downcast on our knees and can't get up right away. Ecclesiastes describes the variant of seasons we all walk through in our lifetime. How wonderful a God we serve to send not only His Comforter in our time of need, but He sends friends who meet us in these little hidden crawl spaces of life and shine His Light into the dark little corner where we sit.

Maybe you're not the one in a time of sadness, then I plea with you to be a Light to someone who is. You won't know it it until you seek them out. They certainly won't be drawing attention to themselves if they are Giver. Encouragers don't like to be seen, un-encouraging. Yes, I know, Takes one to know one.

You will see it in their eyes if you just look for 3 seconds. Most likely your Spirit inside you is pulling to hug the spirit inside of them! Do not pressure them into sharing, it's the very thing they can't simply do nor do they want to fall apart right there in front of you. But, be the hug from God. Let them know you are there when they are ready to share, or fellowship again. Send them scriptures of hope and encouragement to keep their eyes fixed on Jesus. Lift them up in prayer and fight the battle against despair with them and for them. Speak loving truth, help them stay pure and upright. Be that LightHouse, a source of Light in to their darkness. And if you want to be a super great friend, a little chocolate goes a long way!! LOL!!!

Friend, He sees you when you are hiding from everyone else. Satan wants you to isolate and self-destruct, but you must fight back in Jesus Name! God hears your words when none can be spoken. He notices the tears drenching your soul. When you can't muster the strength to fellowship with others, He is with you. When you feel empty and numb, remember the filler of your soul and simply cry out, "Jesus...." He hears you. He is near. I pray your joy comes in the morning and you feel your heart beating again. Grieve when and where you need to grieve but also rejoice and count your blessings. Worship The Great I Am, dance with Him, sit with Him, smile with Him. His heart is for you. Today, be where faith is. Trust His friendship. Rest in His Kingship.

May the Words of Psalm 34 (ESV) encourage you today as a declaration of your heart, soul and mind! Bless your heart eternally and now! Hugs&Hope, Michele

"I will bless the LORD at all times; his praise shall continually be in my mouth." 

My soul makes its boast in the LORD; let the humble hear and be glad.

 Oh, magnify the LORD with me, and let us exalt his name together!

 I sought the LORD, and he answered me and delivered me from all my fears. 

Those who look to him are radiant, and their faces shall never be ashamed.

 This poor man cried, and the LORD heard him and saved him out of all his troubles. 

The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear him, and delivers them. 

Oh, taste and see that the LORD is good! Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him! 

Oh, fear the LORD, you his saints, for those who fear him have no lack!

 The young lions suffer want and hunger; but those who seek the LORD lack no good thing. 

Come, O children, listen to me; I will teach you the fear of the LORD. 

What man is there who desires life and loves many days, that he may see good? 

Keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking deceit. 

Turn away from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it. 

The eyes of the LORD are toward the righteous and his ears toward their cry.

 The face of the LORD is against those who do evil, to cut off the memory of them from the earth. 

When the righteous cry for help, the LORD hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. 

The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. 

Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the LORD delivers him out of them all. 

He keeps all his bones; not one of them is broken.

 Affliction will slay the wicked, and those who hate the righteous will be condemned. 

The LORD redeems the life of his servants; none of those who take refuge in him will be condemned."

AMEN!!!!!

Finding My "Niche" with The Lord: Me Time vs God's Time

I have come to enjoy my early morning coffee and quiet time with The Lord of Glory. The air is crisp, the transformation of the sky is glorious and peaceful. The birds begin to stir and sing their songs from the treelines. There was a day not too many years past that it was a laborious act for me to rise early (when I didn't have to). I would set the alarm and turn it off and go back to sleep. I knew I needed to and wanted to. Maybe if I hadn't stayed up so late sometimes! But I had found the late evening hours a time of peace and quiet for me to detox from a busy, long day. No one was left to create more mess so it was the only time I could actually pick up and clean up for the next day. But morning came and I was too sleepy to get up and have any kind of focus. But I wanted to have quiet time with God that was sweet and satisfying. The only quiet times I had, I spent cleaning or finally getting to watch my own show. It was really Me Time not God's Time. My husband would tell me, "Go to bed earlier and you can get up earlier" (Easy for him to say...he is a natural morning person whereas I am more of a night owl). But see, he had disciplined himself to do that over that years and it was easier for him. I would eventually learn the same discipline despite my natural late night disposition. 
For years however, I had stayed up late, not able to wake up early, then, conviction consumed me and I would tell God, "Later today." Later today meant I would squeeze it in somewhere and my deep study time often turned into a quick 10min devotion as I waited for the kids to get off the school bus. Oddly, I would wake up wide awake at 3am. I came to realize it was God poking at me to get my attention. It appeared to be the only time of the day I was still and truly His. At first, I thought it was really cool but then it saddened me that He had to do that. Now when that happens, I am thankful because I know it's bonus time and He wants to be with me. They are some of the sweetest moments for me now. I know it's not because I haven't spoken to Him, it's just more time.
As time went on, convictions chiseled away at my lack of determination and lack of self-control. One day, I prayed. (Genius I know!) I prayed and asked God to help me discipline myself at night so I could rise early since it was my heart's desire to be able to really meet with Him. I had had enough and was tired of letting myself down. And He answered. I have heard it said, "Our house is a Home, not a Hotel." It was time to hold the family accountable to do their part in keeping it clean and running well. My mornings began to shift. And God started to meet with me. If my alarm was set for 5:30am, He would sit me straight up in my bed at 5:20am just as He had done for His 3am wake up calls. I was the craziest thing. I don't know how it happened, but God...His timing was perfect. And so the discipline began to shape my heart, my mind and tired body. 
Things had to change. It took great discipline to establish new cleaning routines at the end of the day with the kids helping to clean as we go so I didn't end up doing it all myself and having to stay up late. During the day, I have learned to get my chores done before 1pm. Sure, there are days things don't go according to plan and nights dishes and toys get left out but I know I will have to adjust and face them tomorrow and not grumble about the choice or circumstances from the day before. It rarely happens, but it's okay when it does. Life happens and I will always choose people over projects (thank you Pastor Tony for that reminder.) 
In the beginning, I got up and sat limp and glossy-eyed staring at my Bible Study, yet eager. As time went on, my mind processed quicker, my eyes grew clearer, my heart softened and my body began to crave the early morning feast of Bread & Water (and coffee!). Me Time turned into God's Time.
I may meet with Him, but I don't always study in the early mornings. Every season calls for a different pattern. When the kids were much younger, I knew nights could be interrupted making an early morning wake up an unfocused one, so I enjoyed meeting the Lord at their afternoon nap time every day at 2pm. As they grew older, nights were less interrupted, naps went away and I was able to get up early. When all the kids were in school and I had the time alone in the house, with discipline not to keep doing chores, I scheduled my study and quiet time sometime during the day before they returned home. 
For the past couple of years now, I have gotten into a similar routine. I am eager to rise early, make my cup of hot coffee and sit outside and pray. (I find that inside I am distracted to do something like clean or make breakfast.) Depending on the day or or how I am feeling (eager or exhausted), I may pull out my study material but I plan to take a study time later in the day before the kids return home from school. (I understand Homeschooling Moms-I did it too and you don't have a kid-free hour, but I encourage you to have specific quiet study time where Mom and kids have scheduled time of quiet whether they are also reading, doing homework or resting. Just make sure there is no moving around the house and no distractions or disruptions. It takes a few times to implement this intentional time but it will happen!) 
Once the kids are home from school, (project time is over), my focus turns to the family (people, not projects), they are the mission field God has given me. It is nearly impossible to have uninterrupted time to focus and study anyway, I know, I tried! I can do general reading, but not study. If I wait to study at night, I am usually too tired or I am needing to spend time with the hubby. So, my only guarded time for study and prayer is early morning or a day time hour alone. No matter what, every day begins and ends with prayer and acknowledgement of Him. "And rising very early in the morning, while it was still dark, he departed and went out to a desolate place, and there he prayed." Mark 1:35. I can't help but wonder if this is why He went so early before He began His day's work serving others...He would not be interrupted and His Father was probably just as eager to meet with Him as The Son was. 
Honestly, there are days I don't get to sit down and study like I wish I could. Life happens. But I rest knowing that God knows my heart and sees my desire for Him daily, even if means I didn't get out pen and paper. I don't beat myself up over it either. Just as in any relationship, when we know the intentionality of the heart, we cherish and embrace the times we are together and look forward in anticipation to the next time whenever that may be, hopefully sooner than later!! My love for Him is not lazy!! So, be patient with yourself as you try new disciplines throughout your day and night to accomplish your goals with God! He will certainly do His part to be there, will you?!?
I share my own personal prayer and study habits as an encouragement (hopefully) to someone out here in BlogWorld who is needing some encouragement to find their niche. People can become so legalistic about "Quiet Times" about when and how they must be done, but I think time with the Lord is supposed to be an intentional time spent focused on Him and that will vary for each person and each season of their life. We are all in different places with different life circumstances and different types of jobs. But God is the Same! He just wants to meet with you right where you are. We must finally say Enough! and meet with Him out of love, not obligation, not because we have to or ought to, but because we sincerely desire to rest in Him and seek Him with all our heart to purpose our life and day. The old saying is true...you get out of it what you put into it. 
When we find our special niche of time with our Lord, our heart's will be filled with energy  purpose, joy and focus. His joy will be our strength. His ways will be our ways. Me Time becomes God's Time and nothing is sweeter or more satisfying!! "For a day in Your courts is better than a thousand elsewhere." Psalm 84:10a Amen!!

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will hear you. You will seek Me and find Me, when you seek Me with all your heart." Jeremiah 29:11-13 ESV 

"Unless the LORD builds the house, those who build it labor in vain. Unless the LORD watches over the city, the watchman stays awake in vain. It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil; for He gives to His beloved sleep." Psalm 127:1-2 ESV

" "And now, Israel, what does the LORD your God require of you, but to fear the LORD your God, to walk in all His ways, to love Him, to serve the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul, and to keep the commandments and statutes of the LORD, which I am commanding you today for your good? Behold, to the LORD your God belong heaven and the heaven of heavens, the earth with all that is in it. Yet the LORD set His heart in love on your fathers and chose their offspring after them, you above all peoples, as you are this day. Circumcise therefore the foreskin of your heart, and be no longer stubborn." Deuteronomy 10:12-16 ESV

Poop, Scoop, Keep on!!

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart." Jeremiah 29:11-13

I was walking the dogs yesterday and only had a limited amount of time, much like today. The days seem to be so full as the end of the school year heightens in demand and summer beckons the cleaning and purging of spring!! The weather was beautiful and the sun was just breaking through the clouds and the air was perfectly cool! With a slight skip in my step and puppy tails wagging, we were off to a glorious start! 

The birds are singing loudly, flowers are popping their vibrant colors along the pathways, trees and yards are lush and green, and little bunnies are out playing. All the senses were engaged, seeing, feeling, hearing, touching, embracing it all...until the "poop" hit the floor. Literally, my old girl had to take a potty break, a #2, which means we must wait....and scoop the warm hot mush of a pile. Those who know me, know I am not one for mushie textures much less it being poop! I am a MOM, so I can handle just about anything through the art of distraction. However, it's just gross and there's nothing pretty or cool 'bout it. Okay, so, deep breath, it's part of the process when you walk with dogs. Poop, scoop, keep on!! 

Well, now, we have 2 pups walking, and after I was just starting to hearing the birds singing again and the smell of fresh air was surrounding me once again, puppy #2, went #2. Ugh...my shoulders slouched, my breathing was deep breaths and my attitude dropped to the ground. Why couldn't they do their duty at home? Before the walk or after the walk? Why didn't they do it at the same time at least, a one stop drop?! Needless to say, it changed my demeanor and my once cheerful skipping had now become a disappointed stompping. It wasn't their fault, they were just doing was was normal for them. The birds were still singing, the flowers were still swaying, grass was still lush and green (now fertilized`lol!!!) and the day was still glorious, but there I was scooping poop. Yuck and Bahumbug.

It was then I felt the stirring in my spirit of Ecclesiastes 3, there is a season for everything. People like me who are peace-makers, don't like the "bad parts" of life- disappointments, confrontations, betrayals, unrealistic expectations, harsh demands, etc. We try our best to stay focused on the rainbows of life (glass half full) and not the poop (glass half empty). But it is just a part of life. In a world full of sinners, just as I am one of them, there will be heartaches and "poop" that we have to deal with. But, that doesn't mean that everything else changes. 

I could spend my "walk" watching out for poop piles, sticklers, snakes, spiders, vultures, ant beds (which I should be aware of but not hyper focused on) or...I could spend my "walk" looking for the beauty and goodness around me, careful of anything that may hinder my walk, but not consume it. 

God come to give us abundant and joyful life, "plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. " We have the choice to live life consumed and distracted by all the "poop" or to "walk" faithfully and cheerfully knowing that there will be moments when we will have to scoop it up and toss it off the "path" we are "walking." Scoop, keep on! 

Keep your eyes on the Amazing, Beautiful, Creative Creator, Life Giving God! Just be sure to watch your steps along the way.