I'm NOT "normal." Living with Hope and not Fear. That's MY normal.

Panic attacks involve sudden feelings of terror that strike without warning. These episodes can occur at any time, even during sleep. A person experiencing a panic attack may believe that he or she is having a heart attack or that death is imminent. The fear and terror that a person experiences during a panic attack are not in proportion to the true situation and may be unrelated to what is happening around them. Most people with panic attacks experience several of the following symptoms:

• "Racing" heart
• Feeling weak, faint, or dizzy
• Tingling or numbness in the hands and fingers
• Sense of terror, or impending doom or death
• Feeling sweaty or having chills
• Chest pains
• Breathing difficulties
• Feeling a loss of control

Panic attacks are generally brief, lasting less than 10 minutes, although some of the symptoms may persist for a longer time. People who have had one panic attack are at greater risk for having subsequent panic attacks than those who have never experienced a panic attack. When the attacks occur repeatedly, a person is considered to have a condition known as panic disorder.

People with panic disorder may be extremely anxious and fearful, since they are unable to predict when the next episode will occur. Panic disorder is fairly common and affects about 2.4 million people in the U.S., or 1.7% of the adult population between the ages of 18 and 54. Women are twice as likely as men to develop the condition, and its symptoms usually begin in early adulthood.

What Is the Outlook for People With Panic Disorder?

Panic disorder can be successfully treated, and sufferers can go on to lead full and satisfying lives. With appropriate treatment, nearly 90% of people with panic disorder can find relief. Unfortunately, many people with panic disorder do not seek treatment. Without treatment, panic disorder can have serious consequences and can severely impair quality of life. Complications of untreated panic disorder include.

• Avoidance. A person may discontinue any activities that seem to trigger a panic attack. This can make a normal work and home life nearly impossible.
• Anticipatory anxiety. This refers to anxiety that is triggered merely by thinking about the possibility of having an anxiety attack.
• Agoraphobia. This is the fear of being in places or situations in which an attack may occur, or from which escape would be difficult or highly embarrassing. This fear can drive people to avoid public places and crowds, and may even progress to the point that the person will not leave his or her home. About one-third of people with panic disorder develop agoraphobia.
• Claustrophobia. The person fears enclosed spaces. 

(The above information was taken from WebMD)

This is the part of me that most people don't know. Hi. My Name is Michele and I used to be The What If Queen, living under the bondage of fear. Today, I live in the freedom of Christ's healing grace. I am known as the shy, peace-maker girl, so I can understand why most people would not or don't understand how I struggled with a life of fear which ultimately led to increasing panic and anxiety attacks. 
God allowed this terrifying season in my life to refine me in the pit. With the intercession prayers and strength of others, counseling and the hard desperate seeking of my own, I found my heart...a heart that beats for God alone. The pit was my journey up! 
This is why I started blogging and writing. It is a documented journey and testimony of the faithfulness of a loving Lord and Father that I pray, pray, pray God would be honored and glorified through. As He presses into my heart, it is my hope to be an instrument of hope, joy, faith, of transparency through these writings. In all I do, think and say, to God be all the glory!

For those of you that struggle with "something," be it panic, anxiety or ptsd from emotional trauma, can I just encourage you for a minute? I get it. I actually prayed the doctors would find something "real" to blame for my struggle. While I was diagnosed with mild SVT, this was a journey with the Lord He allowed to reveal His heart to me by refining mine physically, emotionally and spiritually in The Fire. Compared to a physical trauma, the emotional traumas are so easily "hidden." I have had every single one of those symptoms and outlooks cited from WebMD. It is hard. It is scarey. It does hurt deep. It is embarrassing. But God...He is our strength and order in the chaos. His breath becomes ours. 
You need to know that YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOU THINK and ESPECIALLY FEEL!!! It has been said to me, "You just need to trust God more" and "You just have to have more faith." "Remember God will give you all you need" and "It's really not that big of a deal, just do it (whatever "it" is." "You're overreacting." "Everyone can do it what's the big deal?!"
While these things can all be true to a degree, they are not absolutes to the truth. People don't see is the triple amount of prayer and preparations I put into situations and thoughts throughout my day that keep me centered in my spirit, heart and mind. I am healed and yet at the same time, have complete dependance on the work of Christ in and through my life, as well as physical and emotional boundaries that help me manage myself. It's not just the mind that needs to have self control, it's also the physical body. This season also taught me the importance of healthy eating and exercise, and the importance of fellowshiping with like-minded people who love you with the Love of Christ. Laughter is so good for our souls!! 

I am someone who trusts God with all my heart and mind and soul. I believe God is who He says He is and will do all He has said He will and can do. At the same time, I am not going to stop wearing my seatbelt, or jump out of a plane knowing God will catch me, or shall I stand under a boulder and think with God's strength I can catch it. There are limits that rule reason and faith that helps navigate what is truth and wisdom and that which is not! Thankfully, God has healed me from the bondage of panic attacks/disorder, and to a watching world, they think I am perfectly "normal." I have no problem telling you I am perfectly imperfect, and if we all admit we are, well, then we'd all be normal, right?!?

We so easily excuse people with obvious physical ailments and somehow are able to reconcile their "avoidances" but with someone like me who it's "in their head" they just need to "have more faith." There is sooooo much more involved than "nervous thoughts." A "normal" person cannot understand anymore than someone can understand the loss of a child who hasn't themselves experienced such a devastation. And yet we judge according to our own realities and expectations. 
I have longed for many years to be the outgoing, bold, confident, try anything, go-getter kind of girl, but it's not me. Part of this journey has been about me meeting...me. Getting to know the woman God created me to be even if at times I don't like being her, I know there is a plan and purpose for the mess that I am, and the good news...God ain't done with me yet! I have learned to accept (for the most part, even though there are god days and bad), the person He created me to be. God, help us see each other through Your eyes of love and hope."All have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. We all have issues, seen and unseen. As I pray for transparency and courage to share my heart and testimony with you through the instrument of this blog, I do not want this to be as much about me as I want this to be more as an encouragement from me...despite me.

Healing takes time physically and emotionally. Going through this very difficult season has blessed me in the greatest way. Desperation caused me to fall into the pit of God's grace. Collapsing into the arms of my God, His breath has warmed me. His arms became my safe resting place. There is no peace like Him. I am so thankful for His very great Love and His tender mercy and compassion. He is patient , steadfast and faithful. 
Yes, there are days my thorn wiggles and I feel the tinge of pain...heart palpitations, the intestinal upsets, the flush and faint feelings, the fatigue physically and emotionally, all the while confident in the strength of my weakness, being strong in the Lord, with a faith that says mountains can move!!! I am continually healing in Him.I thank God even still for the reminder to remain close to Him, trusting and depending on His control and grace. , the palpitations, the intestinal upsets, the flush and faint feelings, the fatigue physically and emotionally, alle while being strong in the Lord, with a faith that says mountains can move!!! I am continually healing in Him.

I refuse to listen to the lies of Satan that says, "You are so weak." "You are worthless." "You are incapable of doing anything great." "You cannot represent God well with someone who has "mental" issues." "You are faithless and a coward." "If people only knew..."

Friend, let me tell you....GREATER is HE that is in you than he who is in the world! You ARE more than a conqueror!!! You HAVE been fearfully and wonderfully made! God goes BEFORE you and God will NEVER fail you!! All you need is hope, faith and love in The One True God. And...I might add...others! You cannot battle this alone. Back in the pit to those who walk with me now, they are instruments of continued grace, love , support and encouragement! 
"Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us." Romans 8:35, 37 (ESV)
Friend, be patient with yourself, God is patient with you. He sees your heart! God knows your heart and not matter what other think or say, let there be NO condemnation in Christ. He will heal your broken pieces and gather you unto Him. You may become weary in the fight, and desperately thirsty in the dry wilderness but God never grows weary and is an endless stream of Living Water! Stand firm! It is in your weakness that He is your strength. He will be your refuge to where you can "run." When the walls around you and darkness closes in, remember that you are not crushed or forsaken. God is doing a work in you and will not give up on you! 

Now, some truth in love...if you are avoiding, hiding out, afraid or choosing to be in "that pit," you must admit to yourself that you are in a pit, dig deep into the depth of your heart and spirit and move into the presence of the Lord where He will scoop you up in His shield. He will be your rescue but you must first acknowledge the darkness and move towards His healing Light. His blood shed over you is already your victory, It's time to start living in it again!! 
One step at a time, one day at a time, step out in faith. Do not get discouraged when others think you are 'silly" or "ridiculous." Trust in the Lord to know and guard your heart. You must not continue to sit and crater under the weight of shame and fear. You are worth dying for and it is not His plan for your spirit to live dying inside. God is LIFE and He wants you to have it abundantly, complete with joy!!! You will have Joy again!!! By faith, will you face today and tomorrow with confidence that you are not alone?
  

Thank You Lord God, my Abba Father for knowing me unlike any other. When I feel lowly, you remind me how special I am. When I feel afraid, You are there to hold me near at perfect peace. When I feel like I have lost my mind, You remind me of the paths that lead me to You with Philippians 4:8 thinkings. Sudden moments of terror that flood my soul, You walk on the water, holding my hand to the shore. God, I dare not test you nor be foolish nor do I want to limit You so I am praying once again for the faith to continue walking in faithfulness to You, knowing wherever You are, there will be my peace. Thank You for Your Light that shines on my path from darkness. There is none like You and I am nothing apart from You. Thank You Lord for Your strength in my weakness. I am asking that You will reveal Yourself in a mighty way to me and my brothers and sisters in Your name who are feeling defeated and purposeless. Will You strengthen them? Will You draw them so close to You they too can feel the warmth of Your very breath over there face? May the comfort of Your arms and the tender love of Your heart be tangible to them today. Thank You Lord for Your grace. Thank You Lord for the victory that is ours because of Your Son Christ Jesus. Thank You Lord for the mustard seed!! I want to be the sum of a vineyard full! Rooted, nourished and protected in the name of Jesus, I am YOURS forever, I love You Lord!!! amen!! 

"We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; " 2 Corinthians 4:8-9 

"So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others." Philippians 2:1-4

My Love Story

My Love Story

I met my Sweet Love in the Summer of 1986. I had heard of Him but did not know Him personally. His reputation preceded Him as was one of great compassion and love. He was a favorite amongst most. He always made people smile even on their worst of days and somehow He managed to get my attention on one of those days. Like I said I had heard of Him but didn’t know Him personally, so I said Yes when He asked me to spend time with Him. He was everything I had heard, a perfect gentleman and compassionate soul. He was kind and gentle, aware of His surroundings and the people’s needs around Him and somehow was always able to make it a better place just with His presence. He literally lit up the room.

The more time I spent with Him, the more my heart began to beat for Him. I began to see people as He saw them. I had been hurt so many times in my past by the ignorance or selfishness of others, that trusting Him took time. With each passing day, my love for Him grew deeper and wider till one day when we were alone He asked me for my hand and heart to join Him forever and there was no other answer I could give but "YES!!" I was His and He was mine. He literally changed me life!! 

Through the years, my Love has continued to love me with such an unconditional love and He gives me way more grace and mercy than I deserve. When I am feeling weak, He lifts me up. When I am crushing under the weight of this world, He holds me and is my shield. When others persecute me, He defends me. When I don’t know what to do or where to go, He leads me. I don’t mean to, but when I hurt Him, He forgives me time and time again. I am so thankful for my Sweet Love and I pray each of you finds your Love too. His name is Christ Jesus, my faithful and loving Lord, the Lover of my soul. 

This is my happily ever after.

"Know therefore that the LORD your God is God, the faithful God who keeps covenant and steadfast love with those who love Him and keep His commandments, to a thousand generations,"

Deuteronomy 7:9

Human love is wonderful and was created by God that we would "love one another." However, it is not perfect love. We will hurt each other, knowingly or unknowingly. We let each other down at times and often forget to say Sorry. Even in the best of marriages, families and friendships, there are sure to be moments of pain and selfishness. But, not with the Lord our God. He is perfect and just, faithful in His Love and steadfast in His character and promises. God's Love never fails!! 

If you have a void in your heart and are looking for the filler of your soul, He stands before you, pierced hands, sacrificially loving you, waiting to spend time with you. Look up and see His outstretched hands desiring to take yours and walk a Forever Journey with Him. His heart is for you! 
By faith, won't you place your trust in Him and discover the most amazing Love of all. You will be satisfied, complete, and receive more love, mercy, grace, peace, joy and fullness than you could ever think or imagine in this lifetime! Out of His Sweet Love for you, all your human loves will grow richer too. With His love, you can love deeper and wider. 

Say "YES!!!!" to the Greatest Love of all and walk a new life in Him. He is your Happily Ever After.  

Are you missing out on the real thing?

"No creme, and no sugar." That's how my friend takes her coffee...black! Personally, I think she's crazy. All those yummy flavors to choose from to mix in!! How can she drink it "plain?" I have asked her and her response is this: "You miss the original, intended flavor of the coffee when you add all the artificial stuff to it." I am thinking, "Yes, that's exactly what makes it sooooo delicious!" Her reply is always, "You're missing out on the real thing!"
As much as I (respectfully) disagree in regards to my coffee "enhancers", God used this last coffee date to encourage and teach me. When we add "stuff," we take away from the original. How true this is in life. There are things we add into our friendships, our marriages, our schedules, our parenting process, our worship, and even our coffee than can completely void out the "original core" of what it was originally created for. 
We fill our days with unnecessary stresses or avoiders through busyness or laziness or selfishness and it keeps us from completing what needs to be done. 
We fill our relationships with surface conversations, selfishness, jealousy, unrealistic expectations, that we miss the beauty of what sharing life is intended to do in our soul. 
We fill our marriages with selfishness, "stuff" and expectations, that we live by feelings and not by covenant. 
We fill our kids heads with all the rules and expectations and totally miss on shepherding their hearts and spirits towards the Lord.
We fill our hearts with temporary pleasures, fears, pride and even close them off to others, that we miss being filled with purity and unconditional Love. 
When we add "stuff" to our worship, we can easily find ourselves worshiping worship and not the creator and receiver of who worship is intended for. 
There are enhancers and there are overtakers! If I add a little coffee to my milk, I have Coffee-Milk which is nothing like coffee....at all! If I add a little milk to my coffee, I have Coffee with a hint of smooth, taking off the bitterness of the bean. But, if I add whip creme, heavy cream, vanilla and cinnamon, or go for a White Chocolate Mocha, extra creme and add the whip, for example, it's like getting a dessert, not a coffee! I can simply enhance or completely change my coffee to not really be "coffee." God instructs us to encourage one another and "as iron sharpens iron", we too ought to love and serve (with humility) one another. The Holy Spirit is our Enhancer. When we follow His lead, we live "enhanced" lives. But if I make everything about me, I overtake what God has planned. I want to be an Encouragement Enhancer, not a Distractor or Overtaker! God's ways are better than ours!!! 
God, give me eyes to see the things in life that are enhancers, and help me know when I begin to overtake something and loose sight of the original. Help me seek after You Lord God in everything I say and do, that You would be glorified and lifted up. May my friendships, my home, my family, my worship, my relationship with You, be filled with the enhancers You have gifted in this life to bring me closer to You and remove from before me all things that hinder and draw me away from You. Be forever, the center of everything in my life! "May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O LORD, my rock and my redeemer. " (Psalm 19:14). Amen.

"If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. 2 Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth....Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, 13 bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. 14 And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. 15 And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. 16 Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. 17 And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him." Colossians 3:1-2, 12-17

"O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you; my flesh faints for you, as in a dry and weary land where there is no water. 2 So I have looked upon you in the sanctuary, beholding your power and glory. 3 Because your steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise you. 4 So I will bless you as long as I live; in your name I will lift up my hands. 5 My soul will be satisfied as with fat and rich food, and my mouth will praise you with joyful lips, 6 when I remember you upon my bed, and meditate on you in the watches of the night; 7 for you have been my help, and in the shadow of your wings I will sing for joy. 8 My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me." Psalm 63:1-8

Yes, I do! How can you not?!?

Our church is currently going through a series about the local church, the importance of it, the structure, the value and ultimately, the glory of God and the fullness of God (Eph 3:21). I had sat next to one of my friends named Jennifer and another dear friend who's name is also Jennifer sat down on the other side of me. She said, "You are the middle of a Jennifer Sandwich!" I hadn't realized it till she said it and of course, it made me laugh. Then, throughout the sermon, in the back of my mind I was still giggling about being between these two awesome Jennifers. These girls have been such dear friends of mine for many, many years now and I am so grateful for their friendships, and their prayers. I have been blessed with several of these true and special Sisters in Christ and enjoy all the many hugs and prayers from so many each week, all from my local church!! When I miss for a very random and rare reason, I really miss it!!! God uses us to encourage each other, not just Ina  emotionally way, but spiritually!! I certainly count my blessings for the richness of a heart overflowing with thankfulness! 
We have attended this church since before the doors opened over 11 years ago so it is a very comfortable place. It's our home church. It's where we feel cared for, accounted for and a safe place to spread our wings and learn to fly (Isaiah) in the places of ministry God has called us within the church. Our Pastor will lay it all out and provide many scriptures about the local church, but as I sit here reflecting on MY local church, from my point of view, I don't don't know how someone can NOT be a part of a local church. I seriously don't know what I would do without mine! I am blessed with a great family but my church family has to "live" with me week after week. 
I know he mentioned tonight that we don't join a church for how they will serve you, but that you go where God has a harvest for you to serve, and I agree. But let me tell you...what a blessing He gives when we serve in His name, in the place He has sent you!! When we are where we are supposed to be, our hearts grow fuller and out of that we fill others, all to the glory of God. 
We are to encourage one another and love one another! It's been a joy to do this for others as I serve, but to also be on the receiving end is what makes life so much sweeter, and do-able! My church is where I feel "covered." My church is my "go to" in times of trial and a place of celebration in life's victories. My church is a training ground where I get to stretch and strengthen my spiritual muscles. My church is where my prayers and worship goes deeper and wider. My church is where my journey with the Lord "straightens out."  I rely on the accountability and the teaching and the love of my local church to help me to grow in the understanding and knowledge of Christ so that I can receive His love and therefore share it with others, ultimately giving to God the glory, while enjoying the "fullness of God."
So, I don't know if you are part of a local church, but I don't know how you can't be. We need each other! If you are waiting for "the perfect church," stop looking because there isn't one, and it's not really about you eventhough you will reap the blessings of fellowship with the Body, it's about the Lord! 
If you're reading this and you feel alone, I challenge you to look within your own heart and ask yourself honestly if you are sharing it with others. When we keep a wall of protection or pride or pity, bitterness or doubt around our heart, it neither gives well or receives well.  I know this from my own cautious life. When our hearts are full, (Deut 6:5, 10:12) it flows in each direction!! Up-Down-Out-Across!!! Start with loving The Lord and being loved by Him and I can promise you that your life will be full in the goodness of God and He will draw you to others to share this love with and highlight His very sweet love!!!!
Okay, rant over!!...now if you want all the "church" teachings-stay tuned to the upcoming series!!! How can you not?!?

Reflections

Out the back window.

What a beautiful view out the back window this morning. I had not noticed the distant mountain range until it began to glow, growing brighter and brighter. Well, obviously, it was reflecting something. I sat my coffee down and ran over to the front of the house and there was the source of the light. The intensely, gorgeous, stunning, colorful sunrise was stretching across the skies, rising up, conquering the once dark blue skies. It captured me and illuminated my morning!!

The Source of Light in the front.

"Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into His likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit." 2 Corinthians 3:17-18

We, as Believers, are to reflect the Light of Jesus Christ. We are a "city on a hill," a "light in the darkness." The illuminated mountain in the back of the house was a direct reflection of the Sun...and we should be too. 

"In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven." Matthew 5:16

When I "shine before men," and they see my "good deeds," who's reflection will they see? Who will they praise? Our Light should be a direct reflection of our "Father in Heaven."  

"But everything exposed by the light becomes visible, for it is light that makes everything visible. This is why it is said: "Wake up, O sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you." Be very careful, then, how you live--not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil." Ephesians 5:13-16

God, let me shine for you!! May it be Your glorious beauty that others see when they turn around and look for the source of my light. The Joy of You, is my strength!! You hold my heart! How empty they would be if they only saw the good of Michele, and not of You. You are the One Source for all we need or want. May the words of my mouth, all that I say and so, bring honor to You! You alone are satisfying and sustaining. Forgive me Father God when I have taken the reflection and made it my own. My heart desires to reflect You, the One True Light, intensely, gorgeously, stunningly, colorfully illuminating the skies that surround us. Give us the wisdom to make the most of every opportunity of all that You make visible. Shine bright Lord and reflect upon us, the glory of You. In Your Son's Awesome, Beautiful Name, amen.

The way you are.

The way you can light up a dark room with your joy.

The way you make others feel soooo loved and special when you speak to them.

The way your eyes look deep into the heart of others, past the walls they have attempted to put up.

The way your laughter stirs the room.

The way your smile touches our hearts.

The way you choose to sit close when others are far.

The way you can speak simple, yet profound truth.

The way you give hope when all appears hopeless.

The way you show strength and courage. 

The way your hug melts the heart of stone.

The way your presence ushers grace and confidence.

The way you share, have compassion, seek out the lonely, share your heart, look into the heart of everyone, find the sweetness in every situation….it's the details of you that make you special.

God created each of us equally by flesh and bones, but it is the uniqueness in the details of you that God gave you to make you a special you! You cannot compare because you do not compare to any other! You are fearfully and wonderfully made!!! I am soooo glad you are you!!!!!

*Inspired by the love and uniqueness of my children who are all so very different! I love each of you so much and am grateful to get to be your Mom!!! Blessings on and thru each of you! With great love, Your Mama

Feeling weak, weary and worried?

Ever have those days or sometimes months where you feel attacked and overwhelmed. The little things in life seem so much bigger and you feel the weight crushing you? I'd like to share a prayer woven through the scripture with you that I am praying in my own life. It is the protection instructed to be worn in Ephesians. The actual scripture in ESV is in italics and my words are the rest.
I pray you will find strength and a renewed hope as you remember Who Your victory and Strength are in. It is not within you to overcome. It is Christ in you that gives you the victory.Trust Him. Prepare yourself for battle and pray endurance till the end!!  Gird up your faith and hang on! Saturate yourself with His Word and hide it in your heart!! It's a crucial weapon you must have with you!!!
If this isn't you and you know someone who needs to be encouraged today, please pray this over them. Jesus is our healing, our victory and our hope. He is the answer! Blessings in His name, Michele


Father God, today I lay my broken and weary soul at the crown of Your Holy and Healing feet. My spirit cries out to You Lord God that I Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might. Help me Father God, Warrior King Jesus to Put on the whole armor of Yours God, that I may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Therefore help me Lord to take up the whole armor of God, that those of us who serve You may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. Lord Jesus, as both a witness to Satan and his evil destroyers and as a witness testifying to Your Conquering Victory, I Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth,  refusing and rebuking all the lies he tells me that I am weak and defeated, worthy of death, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, that in my anguish I will choose good over evil, guarding and protecting my heart in Jesus' Name that my heart will remain fully and completely consumed by the Love of my Savior. Steady my feet Lord to walk  and witness to Your Love in a manner worthy to honor You above all others, wearing as shoes for my feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace.
In all circumstances, especially those that are difficult, leaving me to feel exhausted and weary, help me Holy Spirit take up the shield of faith, with which I can extinguish all the  flaming darts of¹the evil one as he seeks to devour me day and night; and take my permanent helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is Your word God, praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. Recall to me Your Word hidden in my heart that I may not sin against You and encourage and strengthen me with fervor in your Word each morning and throughout the day.  
To that end it is my deep desire to keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints, getting outside of my own troubles and intercede for those God has placed in my world to stand alongside, and also for me, that words may be given to me in opening my mouth boldly to proclaim the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains, that I may declare it boldly, as I ought to speak. Lord open my eyes to see what You see before and around me and grant me strength and endurance to persevere through each and every circumstance, escaping the schemes and traps of the enemy laid out to destroy me. I am Yours Lord God and I trust in Your strength. Guard me in Your Name King Jesus. May my courage be a bold witness to the enemy and rebuke him to his crushed place under my feet and lift my eyes to where You are so my heart and mind may be restored. Cleanse me and revive me Lord for You are my God! I worship and adore You alone. It is with eager anticipation and holy determination that I count it all joy today as I stand on the battlefield. No weapon of the enemy shall proper where You are so Lord today, keep watch over me that I may not give the enemy a foothold! I stand in You! Thank you and Bless you Faithful God. AMEN!

Ephesians 6:13-43

They Attacked my Joy!

They were out for my JOY!!!! Yes they were!! I was walking with a friend and after we had been walking for an hour (insect free I might add), we walked through a wooded area and all of a sudden mosquitos from the entire neighborhood flocked onto me!! Where in the world did they come from?! They ambushed me!! I noticed a few landing on my arm but she could see the whole family clan all over my arms, back and face. She said, "What oil are you wearing because they sure want it!!" At first I said I wasn't wearing any because that morning I didn't remember putting any one, and then it came to me. I did. 
There is an essential oil called Joy which is made from rose and I had placed it in my diffuser necklace which I was wearing! Normally, I can have Peppermint or Purification mixed with some lotion on me and I am not bothered once from outdoor insects. But, this morning it was just my Joy I had on and they wanted to suck it right out of me!! Some of the mosquitos I could feel biting me but apparently the other 199 I could not feel or see around me. Needless to say, I came back through a different way.
What a reminder of how Satan can blindside us sometimes and ambush us, sucking out our Joy. God is never caught off guard but we can be. Trials may come and go, gradually building or appearing in our life but there are times when - BAM!, you turn a corner and there it is! What Satan wants is our Joy. If he can get us to loose our Joy, we loose the center of our Hope and our Peace. The Joy of the Lord is my strength. Joy in the Lord is how I have hope, peace and comfort. When my joy depletes, I find my days weary, dreary, lonely and hopeless. The Joy of the Lord is my strength. He is my strength to face my trial because I know He is with me and that gives me hope. He is my strength to face hardships because I know He is for me and will fight victoriously for me and that gives me peace. I need my Joy to keep awake in my spirit, heart, soul and mind so that my steps will keep moving forward and not grow weary and loose all direction and motivation. 
I did not return to that same area where I had been ambushed by those blood thirsty suckers. Wisdom says be cautious and prepared and find another way if necessary. It is crucial to arm ourself with Joy, The Word and Prayer. And if you don't, don't be surprised when you are met with pesky little suckers who are there to deplete your Joy! Be alert, Be prepared. I promise you that next time I walk, I will be wearing my other oils to deflect the blood thirsty insects!!
How grateful I was to have someone walking beside me that noticed the ambush which I could not see on my own and helped me fight them off! That's exactly why God says for us to love your neighbor. Living life together (should) reflect God's love for us. We ought to walk alongside and stand firm with one another in love, to encourage, to intercede, to lift up and to forgive one another…and fight a clan blood thirsty suckers when they attack! Oh the blessing where "two or more are gathered!" 
Friend, are you feeling ambushed today? Are trials mounting up in your life? Do you feel like you can't get a handle on your heart and mind? Do you feel weary, tired, at a lose? Then, may I remind you to get out of the woods and walk on the clear path beside you. Gather up your Joy and move forward!! Get up off the floor, or out of bed for some of us, and life up your eyes. If you lay down and crater under the trial, you will become a greater victim. You must keep walking! You must guard your Joy with The Word of God (like my Purification oil that heals and protects) and by prayer with thanksgiving (like my Peppermint oil that invigorates, gives clarity and settles my tenseness). And if you still find it difficult and overwhelming, then find someone who can help you see what you cannot see and ask them to help you walk out of the woods!!! Be joy-full, hope-full and peace-full in Jesus' Name knowing He is your Defender and Strength!! He is King of kings and Lord of lords, The God of gods. He holds the whole world in His hands!!! He is a banner over me and I am His!! Praise His holy and redeeming name!!! Amen!!!

"I am the door. If anyone enters by me, he will be saved and will go in and out and find pasture. The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly." John 10:9-10

"Preserve me, O God, for in you I take refuge. I say to the LORD, "You are my Lord; I have no good apart from you." As for the saints in the land, they are the excellent ones, in whom is all my delight. The sorrows of those who run after another god shall multiply; their drink offerings of blood I will not pour out or take their names on my lips. The LORD is my chosen portion and my cup; you hold my lot. The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance. I bless the LORD who gives me counsel; in the night also my heart instructs me. I have set the LORD always before me; because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices; my flesh also dwells secure. For you will not abandon my soul to Sheol, or let your holy one see corruption. You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore." Psalm 16

For those who are interested and will ask: you can purchase oils or sign up at www.youngliving.org/1003168. You can find TONS of information on Google and YouTube or email me and I will answer what I can:) They have helped me with my anxiety, stress, aches, insects and general first aid. I am thankful for the natural remedies God has given me!!!!