♥️Gift of Encouragement for you today:

When we walk AUTHENTICALLY it means we share what we know and who we are, believing we have a gift someone else can (and wants) to receive because we know our life is not just about us!! We are created for community. We were created to love. 

Being authentic means we Gift seeds to be planted and leave the planting up to them. 

I came from a place of insecurity...I know this is hard for some of you because it used to be REALLY difficult for me too. 

I lived in the Blonde Joke Era and found it easier to just have a low bar to be sure to always hit it but on the inside, perfectionism was the drug of choice. It was suffocating me. 

I woke up every single day thinking I didn’t have value to give. I woke up thinking I wasn’t enough of a Gift. I never felt empowered with value until I realized and accepted WHO’S I was!🥰😇🙌🏻 

I KNOW it is scary to just be yourself...but know you were created with value a d purpose, with seeds only YOU have to give!!! 

🔥Challenge: Share with YOUR circle who you are and what you know!! People need THE GIFT OF YOU‼️♥️🥰

Imagine a world of Gift Givers...we’ve got the best Example🙌🏻🙋🏼‍♀️🔥

#giftgiver #lighthouse #wherefaithis

Freedom from Expectations

Oh how I wish I could be her...you know, the Perfect Woman. Unfortunately, I have epically failed time after time giving it my best shot. And no wonder. There is no perfect woman on the planet, or elsewhere for that matter, for all have sinned!  This reality of this truth, according to the Scriptures, hasn't stopped me to trying to get there. We think if we just try harder, study more, go to a counselor for help and transformation techniques then pray, pray, pray, increase our faith and activity, we will finally arrive at this anticipated place of perfection/expectation. We all know the opposite proves to be true, and we quickly realize the moment we step outside the door in our new Perfect Boots, we fail. Quickly. Why do we even try? The temptation for perfection has been around since "the beginning." 
And the cycle begins...we try harder, study more, go to a counselor, pray and pray, take another class...striving to attain the unattainable. What complete insanity!  
So who's expectation are we trying to achieve anyway? Family or Friends? Boss or CoWorkers? Church members or the Pastors? How about our own expectations? I don't know about you but I have  circled this mountain more than I care to admit. When we find ourselves not meeting these expectations, we beat ourselves up with shame and worry that we are underachievers, inadequate and doomed to fail. We say things like I'm not good enough. I am useless. I will never be as good as everyone else. No one will want to work with me. I mine as well stop trying, and soon find ourselves throwing in the proverbial towel and giving up. It changes the essence of who we are when we disqualify ourselves as not being able. According to the Scriptures, we are more than conquerers in Jesus Name! Romans 8
What would happen if my aim was to be perfectly good enough, just as I am?
David was a young man who encountered the "Are you kidding me? Who do you think you are!?!" "And Saul said to David, "You are not able to go against this Philistine to fight with him, for you are but a youth, and he has been a man of war from his youth." David recounts his achievements in the Lord and replies, "Your servant has struck down both lions and bears, and this uncircumcised Philistine shall be like one of them, for he has defied the armies of the living God." And David said, "The LORD who delivered me from the paw of the lion and from the paw of the bear will deliver me from the hand of this Philistine." David was confident in His God and the God-given ability He had. 
So, Saul gave him a chance to prove himself, placing upon David the "expected gear." "And Saul said to David, "Go, and the LORD be with you!" "Then Saul clothed David with his armor. He put a helmet of bronze on his head and clothed him with a coat of mail, and David strapped his sword over his armor. And he tried in vain to go, for he had not tested them. Then David said to Saul, "I cannot go with these, for I have not tested them." Saul wanted to help David but for David, they only hindered him. "So David put them off. Then he took his staff in his hand and chose five smooth stones from the brook and put them in his shepherd's pouch. His sling was in his hand, and he approached the Philistine." 
I want to be more like David. When faced with an opportunity to serve, he recounted his accomplishments in the Lord, and walked in the expectation that he was perfectly good enough, perfectly able to accomplish the task before him with an opportunity to glorify the Living God in the gifting he had been given. This doesn't mean we ignore advice from others or that we are to ignore the suggestions of others. We are instructed to sharpen one another, but it is without imposing our way on the other. We must trust the calling, whether it be ours or of another, that God has spoken to them and they have all they need and now we must move in action by faith, trusting the Lord. 
David believed he could conquer Goliath not because he had done it before, but because he trusted in the provisions of His God who had faithfully equipped him time and time before. He could have looked in the reflection of the giant's shield, seen his small frame, his lack of weapons like the others and begin to count up his losses, returning back home. There were countless, more than capable, enlisted soldiers to do the very thing he was saying he could. Thing is, no one had. 
David took his staff in his hand...and walked out the door in his Perfectly Good Enough Boots, and he didn't fail. God provided. David believed.
What clothing are you wearing that is hindering you? Has another dressed you in battle gear that is too big for you, or too small? Did you possibly pick it up yourself? Only for you to realize, you can't fight in armor that isn't meant for you?!? Your armor is made for you! It is the Lord who equips His armies. 
May I encourage you today that You CAN fight your enemy with God's armor. You ARE able to accomplish today what it is the Lord has called you to because He cares for you and He is with you. You are enough and with the Lord, you will have victory! He tells us the battle is HIS at the end of 1 Samuel 17! He will give you all the provisions you will need to fight the enemy, taunting you. Yes, our Goliaths are tall but how much greater is our God!?! 
"And when the Philistine looked and saw David, he disdained him, for he was but a youth, ruddy and handsome in appearance. And the Philistine said to David, "Am I a dog, that you come to me with sticks?" And the Philistine cursed David by his gods. The Philistine said to David, "Come to me, and I will give your flesh to the birds of the air and to the beasts of the field." Then David said to the Philistine, "You come to me with a sword and with a spear and with a javelin, but I come to you in the name of the LORD of hosts, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied." 1 Samuel 17:42-45
Thank You Lord our God for Your specific plan for us and despite what others think, even what we think of ourselves, that we can know what You think! Teach us Lord to know Your hand in the battle. Show us who we are in You. Strengthen us with Your Holy Spirit. We call upon Your identity and Name for the task at hand. Thank You Lord for Your patient, loving kindness as we strap on our Perfectly Good Enough boots. Thank You for loving me as the hot mess I am. Strengthen my boldness and grow me in confidence. Help me to be faithful in the little things Lord so that when the enemy stands taller over me, I will stand beside you and You will lift me up. He is no match for You. Greater are You than he who is in this world. He is just a snake who needs his head cut off, in Jesus name! Amen.

Are you missing out on the real thing?

"No creme, and no sugar." That's how my friend takes her coffee...black! Personally, I think she's crazy. All those yummy flavors to choose from to mix in!! How can she drink it "plain?" I have asked her and her response is this: "You miss the original, intended flavor of the coffee when you add all the artificial stuff to it." I am thinking, "Yes, that's exactly what makes it sooooo delicious!" Her reply is always, "You're missing out on the real thing!"
As much as I (respectfully) disagree in regards to my coffee "enhancers", God used this last coffee date to encourage and teach me. When we add "stuff," we take away from the original. How true this is in life. There are things we add into our friendships, our marriages, our schedules, our parenting process, our worship, and even our coffee than can completely void out the "original core" of what it was originally created for. 
We fill our days with unnecessary stresses or avoiders through busyness or laziness or selfishness and it keeps us from completing what needs to be done. 
We fill our relationships with surface conversations, selfishness, jealousy, unrealistic expectations, that we miss the beauty of what sharing life is intended to do in our soul. 
We fill our marriages with selfishness, "stuff" and expectations, that we live by feelings and not by covenant. 
We fill our kids heads with all the rules and expectations and totally miss on shepherding their hearts and spirits towards the Lord.
We fill our hearts with temporary pleasures, fears, pride and even close them off to others, that we miss being filled with purity and unconditional Love. 
When we add "stuff" to our worship, we can easily find ourselves worshiping worship and not the creator and receiver of who worship is intended for. 
There are enhancers and there are overtakers! If I add a little coffee to my milk, I have Coffee-Milk which is nothing like coffee....at all! If I add a little milk to my coffee, I have Coffee with a hint of smooth, taking off the bitterness of the bean. But, if I add whip creme, heavy cream, vanilla and cinnamon, or go for a White Chocolate Mocha, extra creme and add the whip, for example, it's like getting a dessert, not a coffee! I can simply enhance or completely change my coffee to not really be "coffee." God instructs us to encourage one another and "as iron sharpens iron", we too ought to love and serve (with humility) one another. The Holy Spirit is our Enhancer. When we follow His lead, we live "enhanced" lives. But if I make everything about me, I overtake what God has planned. I want to be an Encouragement Enhancer, not a Distractor or Overtaker! God's ways are better than ours!!! 
God, give me eyes to see the things in life that are enhancers, and help me know when I begin to overtake something and loose sight of the original. Help me seek after You Lord God in everything I say and do, that You would be glorified and lifted up. May my friendships, my home, my family, my worship, my relationship with You, be filled with the enhancers You have gifted in this life to bring me closer to You and remove from before me all things that hinder and draw me away from You. Be forever, the center of everything in my life! "May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O LORD, my rock and my redeemer. " (Psalm 19:14). Amen.

"If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. 2 Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth....Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, 13 bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. 14 And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. 15 And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. 16 Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. 17 And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him." Colossians 3:1-2, 12-17

"O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you; my flesh faints for you, as in a dry and weary land where there is no water. 2 So I have looked upon you in the sanctuary, beholding your power and glory. 3 Because your steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise you. 4 So I will bless you as long as I live; in your name I will lift up my hands. 5 My soul will be satisfied as with fat and rich food, and my mouth will praise you with joyful lips, 6 when I remember you upon my bed, and meditate on you in the watches of the night; 7 for you have been my help, and in the shadow of your wings I will sing for joy. 8 My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me." Psalm 63:1-8

Losing a Child : Miscarriage Mom

Have you ever lost a child?

Maybe through a pregnancy that resulted in a miscarriage?

An unexpected quick ending of life, due to an illness, accident or intentional death?

It's hard to explain how a part of your heart dies too. Personally, I have had 3 miscarriages over the course of my Mommyhood. My first son was born in 1997, born 1 week early, weighing 8lbs 4ozs. Nearly 2 years later, I experienced a miscarriage at 10 weeks. It was heartbreaking, of course. Just a few weeks later, I found myself, nervously pregnant again and had the joy to meet another son, born 2 weeks early, weighing in at 8lbs 1oz in 1999. In 2001, I lost yet another pregnancy at 11 weeks as well as another at 13 weeks in 2003. I sure have a LOT of questions for God!!

With fear, insecurity and perfectionism being such a huge part of who I was, my natural default was to blame self...."What did I do wrong?" Was it the day I forgot to take a vitamin, drank a coke, tripped, slept on my back?" Looking for the cause so I could do it right next time...this is insecurity.

After the first miscarriage I certainly learned greater appreciation for the gift of life, not that I didn't appreciate it, I did and it's miraculous. At the same time, I never considered the fact it wasn't a guarantee. You are raised your whole life to "be careful" because this is how it happens....soooo....A + B = C. From that moment on, I never took a positive test for granted, especially one that continued to grow. 

Then you begin to wonder, okay why....why give a baby, then the the baby. I valued the humbling lesson of the first one but then, to have it happen 2 more times...why!?!? I know God gives and takes away, I know He has a purpose, I know His plans are not ours and I know we don't always get to know the Why to our Why.  

I had people tell me, "Well, it must be a sign from God you are done." 

But it wasn't and knew that in my soul. I was meant to Mother more and we began looking in to adoption and fostering but the Lord never confirmed this to us. We were also reminded of all the Spiritual Children God had planned for us through our ministry in Youth and Children over the years along with loving on the friends of our kids and our neighbors.

Insecurity tells you you've done something wrong to have caused this. 

Fear tells you you better figure it our and work harder on being a better Womb Host for your babies otherwise you'll keep loosing them till you get better at carrying a baby, being a Mom. Something I had dreamed of all my life and here I was facing the fear I wasn't a good one.

Fear is such a liar!

I finally had to come to a place of surrendering my ability to produce and sustain life. I mean, I am not God, so there's that! The enemy so softly nurtured my fears, taking my eyes off the truth of Who is The Breath of Life, The Maker of all. It wasn't easy to let go and surrender. My Birthing session came before my freedom season. I didn't have a lot of Spiritual Sisters to walk out what should be an exciting season while also this confusing and grieving season because I didn't let any know. The guilt believing the loss was somehow my fault was a heavy and embarrassing burden. 

"Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when His glory is revealed." I Peter 4:12-13

As we prayed about What now God? after 5 pregnancies. In March 2004 we decided to "see what happened" being open to what God wanted for us through the end of the year.

With each pregnancy after, you can be sure I worked harder and was more and more disciplined to do the absolute best that I could to be healthy for my baby, so that I knew that any loss was not my fault as Satan had tempted me to believe. 

I sat in the knowing there was God's part and my part. It wasn't until years into the healing I understood the sovereignty of God and believed my part could never trump His part but that His will would be done on earth as it is in Heaven. He is the sustainer of these babies. There is only so much that we can do and their life is dependent upon the One that holds their sweet baby breath.

Just a few short months later, our sweet Princess was placed in my surrendered but scared womb. You bet, I was nervous, afraid yet desperately hopeful. I acknowledged there was only so much I could do, owning my part and surrendering under His plan but if I am honest, it was a daily process as I white-knuckled every prayer. Until fear is captured and bound within us, we will continue to worry in our worship. 

We were blessed with 2 more babies this side of Heaven. I held my girl in February 2005, 3 weeks earlier than we had planned and soon after was SURPRISED to carry another son weighing in at a grand 10lbs 7ozs, whom we met in December 2006, 1 week LATER than we had expected!! God was funny to say the least but His message was clear! 

Two dear friends of mine have recently experienced losses that brought me to this time of remembrance of my own losses. Obviously, each delivery was a time of celebration and joy, a blessing; where as the losses filled my soul with sadness in a time of grief and doubt. In God's sovereignty, I believe He allows us to have a bit of amnesia about the pain involved. We always have that sense of loss in our heart, but the depth of the feelings are minimized through time. 

When I think back over the miscarriages, I had forgotten about the haunting feelings you go through. 

When the Doctor tells you your baby has passed, as much as you want to hold them forever in you and protect them by keeping him with you, you also want them out of you. There's the hope for a miracle you have that also believes, God can revive this baby...what if they are wrong?! 

I had to have surgery with each one, and the feeling of waking up, knowing they took out your baby, left an empty feeling. He's gone. It's final. I just had my baby...where's my baby?! It was as if I choose to remove him. These are just complex thoughts running through a grieving, fearful, insecure mind. They certainly were not truths or where my spirit settled. Then I wondered what do I do now.....Also, how do I do better.

My body felt hallow. My mind was confused. My spirit grieved but also knew God had allowed this and I would one day be reunited with my 3 Angel Babies. It was a strange grieving process each time not knowing the why behind the loss, but faith, hope and love always remained. Mercy carried me to each new day. Miscarriage is such a strange loss. How do you grieve it? Should you grieve it when other women have lost their birthed babies and older children...how much harder must that be to have known them and grown them then loose them. My hearts aches for those Mamas even greater. I cannot even comprehend. 

Again with the feeling somewhat responsible for the loss, grieving didn't feel appropriate either. It's so strange. Anyhoo...this could literally be an entire book and at this point basically is.

It made me think of the loss God must feel when He looses His children. The grieving and longing for what could have been...not only did He loose His Son, but each one of His children that He created, loves and held, only to loose them forever when they reject Him. I imagine His grieving and sadness must be deeper than any one of us could ever experience. Even when we breath in His Life and we walk away from Him, I cannot imagine not only the rejection He might feel but the heartbreak, deep sorrow. However, what a joy and celebration He must then feel when we are born into Him. When our spirit breathes Life, angels sing a mighty chorus in celebration of our birth!


Father God,

Bless You...my heart is saddened to think of the loss, the emptiness, the depth of despair You must feel each time You loose one of Your children. All eternity separated from those who's spirit was not born again into Life. How You anticipated and longed for their deliverance. I have never before thought that You would be so blessed by my spiritual birth until now. The joy of seeing Your child born again!!! The heartache and pain of those lost. Father God, I thank You that for my babies, our babies lost, we will meet again, they are not lost forever. 

Father, for those who have forever lost their child, those who didn't choose Life in You, God, comfort their hearts. May Your tears of sadness rain grace over their parents and those who loved them here on Earth. 

May our lives be a celebration, even in the midst of suffering and heartaches, may You give us the courage to rejoice through tears. Bind Satan's lies of shame, condemnation with Your binding love. 
Thank You Jesus for seasons of pain so we may know Your strength and comfort. Thank You for loss so we understand gain. Thank You for brokenness so we may know Your healing. With each tear, whether joy or grief, God be seen in the reflection. Be our comfort.

God, I praise Your Name. Give Your children a strong sense of Your identity, reveal Yourself in a mighty way so we may stand tall, receiving this great gift of being Your child. Help us to celebrate Life. Help us to receive the privileges of being part of the Royal family. Give courage to those encouragers you have placed in our life to challenge us in truth and love to not turn away from You. Father, Rock, Redeemer, forgive us. Capture us. Protect and Grab ahold of our minds and hearts. Cleanse us. 

Use my Life to celebrate You. Forgive me when I doubt You. Grow me to maturity in You. Forgive my immature and selfish thinkings. Capture my thoughts. Cleanse me in Your truth. Lead my way. 
Praise You Holy, Loving Abba Daddy, King of Kings and Lord of Lords, There is NONE like You. amen.