I Just Assumed...not any more!

I met a new friend this past week and in our "get to know" moment as we shared our story, a sentence came out of my mouth I had never thought of before and certainly had never said. I can only assume it was a God moment. Sometimes my assumption are right. Sometimes they are wrong.
Being the new (guy) gal in the community, I have been asked close to hundred times now, "What's your story? Why are you here?" Each time I get to share, God reminds me of His plan and the perfection of His timing. Last week was really no different...same testimony, different new friend. After sharing the summary of details and God's divine leading us in our move to Florida, I said these "crazy" words as a summery point of how God has been working on me over the past several years. This phrase came out my mouth for the first time... Assumptive Living. Assumptive Living. I said, "God has taken me from living a life of assumptive living to intentional living." I sat kinda of dumb founded for a minute trying to process why in the world did I just say that. 
Over the past several years, God has been walking me though Intentional Living. So much so, he even brought a dear Mentor and Friend into my life who actually used those words every time she talked. God could not have been obvious. She was a huge part of the refining process my heart and mind needed to endure and be shaped by. Knowing why I do what I do. Choosing to own my actions and not play the blame game in life. Stepping out in courage after the things God calls me to. Being intentional about growing in my knowledge and deepening my love with my Savior and Abba Father. But the years before this....not so much. I intentionally...assumed.
I have always described my personality issues as anxious and shy. One who fears the unknown, a follower not a leader. But then there were these words...Assumptive Living...wow. It was true. I had never thought about that before. For most of my life, I have been fearful and anxious. I feel it inside me, raised blood pressure and heart racing, feeling as if I couldn't breath. Double checking everything I do in fear of judgement, which would lead to fear of rejection. Ever watchful of my surrounding, fearful of personal harm to me or my kids. Choosing to always follow to avoid failing. Avoiding others or opportunities felt safer to me than putting myself out there. I assumed the worst. I assumed. There it was. Assumptive Living.
If we go through life assuming we will fail, we will never try. We will never accomplish what we have been called to do. If we assume rejection, we will never have victory or courage to embrace and enjoy meaning relationships and friendships or partnerships in the work place. If we assume someone is always looking to harm us or one of our loved ones, we will never fully appreciate the beauty of God's creation. We will see so narrowly, that we miss the big picture. What kind of life is Assumptive Living? I will tell you. 
It's one thing to assume the worst and plan for the worst verses planning for the worst and hoping for the best. I realize now in hindsight how much anxiety and fear I self-created simply by assuming. How I must have grieved the heart of God with how I lived so wrongly fearful and anxious...never resting in His arms or grasping my identity in His Name. Oh the power I didn't claim, the grace I rejected, the blessings I missed. Something no one else knew, and I didn't even recognize myself back then. Thank God, His mercies are new every morning! Lamentation 3!! Looking back, my identity was not His...
I assumed I wouldn't be successful. Inadequate
I assumed I was making wrong choices. Doubting
I assumed my friend would not like me once they got to know me. Insecure
I assumed everyone else must be right, assuming they must be more intelligent or talented than I. Minimal 
I assumed I was the "lesser than" of the group. Pitiful
I assumed others could do it better, whatever "it" was at the time. Dumb
I assumed my husband would find other women sexier than me. Ugly
I assumed other parents has mastered this thing called parenting. Judgement
I assumed all the other Stay At Home Moms had perfectly cleaned house and dinner prepped for week on Sunday and all their clothes were in their rightful place. Comparison
I just assumed everything, even spiritually....
I assumed God loved me because that is what I had been taught in every church, in every Bible study, at every conference. 
I assumed and hoped He would always be with me. 
I assumed and hoped He would give me Peace when I needed it. 
I assumed and hoped He would be my Rock, my Comfort, my Healer.
Seriously, what a horrible way to live! Assuming everything...not knowing anything except doubt and fear, always hoping for being right. With a smile always on my face, no one could have known, and even today, people don't see the splinters, scars and thorns. Grace, Grace, Amazing Grace!!!! I have learned to receive Grace. I have learned not only Who God is personally, but who that makes me as His child. What an amazing feeling inside your soul when you know that you know. When someone asks you why, and you can confidently give an answer to the hope and the reason of your life.
God, gracious and gentle, looooong suffering over me, for sure, gave me the opportunity to get over living life assumptively. Through a season of panic attacks and anxiety attacks, I had to do some deep heart, soul, mind and spirit searching! 
I assumed I could handle life controlling myself, my circumstances and others. Here is where I learned my assumptions were all wrong. 
I assumed the life I was trying so hard to be perfect at would be the best life. Wrong! My best life has been lived ever since. The best life is living an intentional life!
How great to walk through a day nervous, sure. Feeling a little insecure, sure....yet doing life anyway! I certainly haven't arrived, and I still find thorns to pull out of my flesh at times, but how grateful I am to get the chance to have a do-over in this life! Every day I get to be more intentional! Thank You Lord for being steadfastly intentional for me!!
I know that I know God has a plan to prosper me and not harm me. Jeremiah 29
I know that I know He will never leave me. Deuteronomy 31
I know that I know He forgives me, loves me and hears me. John 3
I know that I know He is the Orchestrator of my life, leading me in my endeavors, my relationships, in my parenting, friendships, service, ministry, etc. Isaiah 40
I know that I know nothing escapes His care or His provision. 
Yes, bad things will still happen this side of eternity, but I know that I know I am Redeemed by the Great I Am. I am protected by The King of Kings. I am not a loss cause. I am not alone. I know that I know He hears my cries and my prayers and rejoices in my accomplishments even if I have failed the 10 times before. 
I know that I know God loves every single one of us and has a divinely great plan for a beautiful life, free of....assumptions!
If this is you too, (I am assuming I am not the only one who has been here), don't assume another day. Live fully, embracing each day's plan and grace for every moment. Be intentional in knowing what it is you need to get your head and heart wrapped around, to bring glory to the One Intentional God. How? Let go of being in control and Trust The Only Faithful and Steadfast One. Surrender your fears and assumptions into Hope Himself. You must be in His Word. You must pray and talk to Him, learning to listen for His voice. How else will you know Him? It was through digging into His Word searching for Him, worshiping Him in truth, not feeling. Praying in petition and in waiting for His response. It was remembering Who was in charge of my life, the comings and goings, the direction and the provision of every day. Calling out to The One I knew heard me, saw me and held me. Knowing in my head the Truth while embracing the Heart of The One who held mine together. It was remembering that God was ultimately in control and I needed to trust Him, loving Him above all else, with all my heart and might.
Life is best lived, intentionally living and loving, giving life and blessings, while receiving life and blessings!! Life is good because God is good! Hallelujah!!!!!
Thank You Lord for intentionally creating the world, and all that is within it, seen and unseen. Thank You for the grace You alone cover us with so that we can work out our insecurities, inadequacies, our callings for Your glory this side of Heaven. May we never assume Your love, mercy, forgiveness, peace, comfort. May we never assume Your grace will run out. Help us in our minds to embrace the knowledge of who You are and help our hearts to grasp how deep and wide Your love for us is. God, we are so sorry for taking the weight of burdens in this life upon our own shoulders. May we call to mind Your love and friendship that are never ceasing. Thank You for Your Word to teach us what we need to know. Thank You for your friendship and Fatherhood that proves it. Thank You Holy Spirit for leading us, encouraging us, prompting us to remember and to worship in truth! You are a great, great God...I know that I know this is true!! Bless Your Holy Name, amen.

Psalm 57, "Be merciful to me, O God, be merciful to me, for in you my soul takes refuge; in the shadow of your wings I will take refuge, till the storms of destruction pass by.  

I cry out to God Most High, to God who fulfills his purpose for me. He will send from heaven and save me; he will put to shame him who tramples on me.
God will send out his steadfast love and his faithfulness! My soul is in the midst of lions; I lie down amid fiery beasts-- the children of man, whose teeth are spears and arrows, whose tongues are sharp swords. Be exalted, O God, above the heavens!

Let your glory be over all the earth! They set a net for my steps; my soul was bowed down. They dug a pit in my way, but they have fallen into it themselves.
My heart is steadfast, O God, my heart is steadfast! I will sing and make melody! Awake, my glory! Awake, O harp and lyre! I will awake the dawn! I will give thanks to you, O Lord, among the peoples; I will sing praises to you among the nations. For your steadfast love is great to the heavens, your faithfulness to the clouds.

Be exalted, O God, above the heavens! Let your glory be over all the earth!"

My LifeProof

"For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:" Ecc 3:1
You bet I have the LifeProof case!!! I live with 4 kids, a dog and a cat, and have a pool and we vacation in snow and sea!!! I am frequently pulling it out of my pocket to take pictures...taking way more pictures than calls! lol
I take pictures on the water and in the water without worry. It proves durable even at the beach where I am able to capture great pictures while snorkeling and digging for sea shells in the sand.
There are times when I remove the phone from its very secure case and let me tell you, I am a nervous wreck!! It's thin, fragile and slippery. The thought of it slipping out of my hand and breaking to pieces on my tile floor or into the pool is enough to throw me into a panic! Don't bump me, trip me, I have the phone in my hands!!! Keep back 20ft!! lol We are talking big bucks to replace it, so I am serious...can't drop the phone!!! I do my best to keep it Life-Proof, cuz life happens!!! God's Word is our LifeProof case. We are breakable creatures (physically, emotionally and spiritually) and it is crucial we surround ourselves with the protection of God's Word. The mornings I go without my LifeProof protection, I can feel it. I feel vulnerable, on edge, breakable. The slightest bump in the day will send me into a panic. Someone or something "running" towards me can take my breath away. My heightened vulnerability only intensifies my responses to circumstances I face during the day. Don't bump me, trip me or scare me cuz I am holding onto my "self" and if I drop, I will break into a million pieces!
How much more peace and strength when I have on my LifeProof case, cuz life happens!! God's Word proves durable. It is my shield and protection through all terrains, through every season. I don't have to walk around a nervous wreck, keeping everything and everyone 20ft away because I know with God, He goes before me and holds all things together! (Col 1:17) I can live my life without fear!!!! I will not put my LifeProof case to the test. I will simply trust it where I am at, as I go and do.

Father God, Almighty King and Creator of ALL things, Thank You for the covering You provide for my fragile self. We are breakable creatures, with bodies, minds and hearts that can be quickly destroyed. It is this knowledge of our weakness that we hold on to You, putting on Your armor of Protection!! Your blood covers us wholly. Thank You Abba Daddy, for watching us, going before us and guarding us. You are all we need. Move in our hearts Lord to remember with fervency to keep our LifeProof shield on at all times so we are not quickly broken in this busy and chaotic world. Help us walk confidently, trusting Your guard over us. Wrap us up and remind us we are more than conquerors in Your name. For all seasons, You are Lord over all!! Praise You The Great I Am. Amen.   

 

"Then David said to the Philistine, "You come to me with a sword and with a spear and with a javelin, but I come to you in the name of the LORD of hosts, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied."

1 Samuel 17:45

 

"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might.Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm."

Ephesians 6:10-13

 

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD, and turn away from evil. It will be healing to your flesh and refreshment to your bones."

Proverbs 3:5-8

 

 

  

Ya think ya know it all, until....

I was talking with a dear friend today and the comment was made, "You think you know it all until you have to take a test. Testing proves what ya really know." God brought it back to mind this evening and He "tested" my thoughts.
A "test." It stirs up anticipation and even more anxiety just at the mention of this little 4 letter word. And yet, testing is a part of life. Before you buy a car from a dealer, you want to "test drive" it before you place your most valuable treasures within it's carriage. Teachers want to "test" their students to find out whether the knowledge given was actually learned. Customers want to "taste test" foods so they can find out if they want more of a product. We "test" our children to see if they are ready for the next step in trust or responsibility.
And yet, when we read verses like Exodus 16:4, "Then the LORD said to Moses, "Behold, I am about to rain bread from heaven for you, and the people shall go out and gather a day's portion every day, that I may test them, whether they will walk in my law or not." and 1 Peter 4:12, "Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you." , we panic. It's one thing to be the one giving the test and a whole other thing to be the one given a test. I don't know about you but I am certainly more anxious than I am anticipating in the face of a test. I imagine most people get nervous about taking a test...having to prove oneself...what if I fail? What if I am wrong? Will they think I am stupid or ignorant? What if I am not as great as I think I am? And then when God says He will test us, there's a Holy-fear-humbling kind of panic...what if I fail...will it ever end...what if I am not as strong as I think I am....what if others see my lack of...will God give up on me...should I quit?
James 1: 2-3 says "Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness." We want steadfastness but honestly, we want it given not earned by way of trial and yet God says that it is in the "testing of your faith" that you acquire steadfastness. Jesus understands the plea of "if there's any other way, please Lord." Our Sovereign Lord hears our pleas and know what we need. As a Parent to His Child and a Teacher to His Student, He will teach us then test us to see if we have actually learned from the knowledge given and are ready for the next step. 
Testing is not easy and it in fact can be very painful, pushing us to what feels like the end of oneself. One thing for sure, it reveals our limits, what we know and what we can handle. It's always a humbling reminder of how much we need the mercy and grace of our loving God. Without Him, I would certainly see my limit and give up. December 2008 was that very difficult season of testing for me and thanks to the precious people God brought into my life, they cheered me on in my faith, to the completion of that long and difficult test. It was a exhausting trial and without their steadfastness to stand with me, I would have certainly given up.
Sure, I have "meet trials of various kinds" since then. Some are small, quick tests while others are exhausting and seem never-ending. And yet, to every season of growth, there are beginnings and ends. They come as refining fires in every single area of our life. Our spirit's health is not separate from our relational or physical life. The Spirit living within me is a constant presence and guide therefore it affects all of me-my heart, mind, soul and body. It is up to me to prove that to be true as I believe, trust, surrender and devote my life to Him. (Thank you Pastor Nathan for this reminder Sunday.)
Sanctification tells us it's a never-ending process of one refining fiery test to the next. Steadfastness of faith will one day usher us to the Gates of Glory with Hallelujiah hands lifted high to our Teacher, Abba Father and Lord where we will be great in anticipation and void of anxiety.
So, next time you face a test, before you panic, won't you "consider it a joy, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness" and remember that "Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love Him." James 1:12 Embrace the opportunity to grow in your faith next time you face a trial and do not panic! Believe, Trust, Surrender, Devote yourself to remaining steadfast, standing at the Cross of Victory!!!
And by the way, if you have completed a recent test, won't you ask God to give you the opportunity to help another who is about to go through theirs. Don't you know they could use the encouragement. Stand by them faithfully and don't let them quit!!! Remind them of who God is and who they are in Him and this opportunity to grow in faith. 
A good Teacher cares enough to test His Students.
A good Father blesses His obedient Child. 
Are you learning? Are you trusting? Are you surrendering? Are you devoted?
Be strong. Be faithful. Be Blessed.

Father God, "Vindicate me, O LORD, for I have walked in my integrity, and I have trusted in the LORD without wavering. Prove me, O LORD, and try me; test my heart and my mind." Psalm 26:1-2 Till The Day of Completion, Amen.