I Just Assumed...not any more!

I met a new friend this past week and in our "get to know" moment as we shared our story, a sentence came out of my mouth I had never thought of before and certainly had never said. I can only assume it was a God moment. Sometimes my assumption are right. Sometimes they are wrong.
Being the new (guy) gal in the community, I have been asked close to hundred times now, "What's your story? Why are you here?" Each time I get to share, God reminds me of His plan and the perfection of His timing. Last week was really no different...same testimony, different new friend. After sharing the summary of details and God's divine leading us in our move to Florida, I said these "crazy" words as a summery point of how God has been working on me over the past several years. This phrase came out my mouth for the first time... Assumptive Living. Assumptive Living. I said, "God has taken me from living a life of assumptive living to intentional living." I sat kinda of dumb founded for a minute trying to process why in the world did I just say that. 
Over the past several years, God has been walking me though Intentional Living. So much so, he even brought a dear Mentor and Friend into my life who actually used those words every time she talked. God could not have been obvious. She was a huge part of the refining process my heart and mind needed to endure and be shaped by. Knowing why I do what I do. Choosing to own my actions and not play the blame game in life. Stepping out in courage after the things God calls me to. Being intentional about growing in my knowledge and deepening my love with my Savior and Abba Father. But the years before this....not so much. I intentionally...assumed.
I have always described my personality issues as anxious and shy. One who fears the unknown, a follower not a leader. But then there were these words...Assumptive Living...wow. It was true. I had never thought about that before. For most of my life, I have been fearful and anxious. I feel it inside me, raised blood pressure and heart racing, feeling as if I couldn't breath. Double checking everything I do in fear of judgement, which would lead to fear of rejection. Ever watchful of my surrounding, fearful of personal harm to me or my kids. Choosing to always follow to avoid failing. Avoiding others or opportunities felt safer to me than putting myself out there. I assumed the worst. I assumed. There it was. Assumptive Living.
If we go through life assuming we will fail, we will never try. We will never accomplish what we have been called to do. If we assume rejection, we will never have victory or courage to embrace and enjoy meaning relationships and friendships or partnerships in the work place. If we assume someone is always looking to harm us or one of our loved ones, we will never fully appreciate the beauty of God's creation. We will see so narrowly, that we miss the big picture. What kind of life is Assumptive Living? I will tell you. 
It's one thing to assume the worst and plan for the worst verses planning for the worst and hoping for the best. I realize now in hindsight how much anxiety and fear I self-created simply by assuming. How I must have grieved the heart of God with how I lived so wrongly fearful and anxious...never resting in His arms or grasping my identity in His Name. Oh the power I didn't claim, the grace I rejected, the blessings I missed. Something no one else knew, and I didn't even recognize myself back then. Thank God, His mercies are new every morning! Lamentation 3!! Looking back, my identity was not His...
I assumed I wouldn't be successful. Inadequate
I assumed I was making wrong choices. Doubting
I assumed my friend would not like me once they got to know me. Insecure
I assumed everyone else must be right, assuming they must be more intelligent or talented than I. Minimal 
I assumed I was the "lesser than" of the group. Pitiful
I assumed others could do it better, whatever "it" was at the time. Dumb
I assumed my husband would find other women sexier than me. Ugly
I assumed other parents has mastered this thing called parenting. Judgement
I assumed all the other Stay At Home Moms had perfectly cleaned house and dinner prepped for week on Sunday and all their clothes were in their rightful place. Comparison
I just assumed everything, even spiritually....
I assumed God loved me because that is what I had been taught in every church, in every Bible study, at every conference. 
I assumed and hoped He would always be with me. 
I assumed and hoped He would give me Peace when I needed it. 
I assumed and hoped He would be my Rock, my Comfort, my Healer.
Seriously, what a horrible way to live! Assuming everything...not knowing anything except doubt and fear, always hoping for being right. With a smile always on my face, no one could have known, and even today, people don't see the splinters, scars and thorns. Grace, Grace, Amazing Grace!!!! I have learned to receive Grace. I have learned not only Who God is personally, but who that makes me as His child. What an amazing feeling inside your soul when you know that you know. When someone asks you why, and you can confidently give an answer to the hope and the reason of your life.
God, gracious and gentle, looooong suffering over me, for sure, gave me the opportunity to get over living life assumptively. Through a season of panic attacks and anxiety attacks, I had to do some deep heart, soul, mind and spirit searching! 
I assumed I could handle life controlling myself, my circumstances and others. Here is where I learned my assumptions were all wrong. 
I assumed the life I was trying so hard to be perfect at would be the best life. Wrong! My best life has been lived ever since. The best life is living an intentional life!
How great to walk through a day nervous, sure. Feeling a little insecure, sure....yet doing life anyway! I certainly haven't arrived, and I still find thorns to pull out of my flesh at times, but how grateful I am to get the chance to have a do-over in this life! Every day I get to be more intentional! Thank You Lord for being steadfastly intentional for me!!
I know that I know God has a plan to prosper me and not harm me. Jeremiah 29
I know that I know He will never leave me. Deuteronomy 31
I know that I know He forgives me, loves me and hears me. John 3
I know that I know He is the Orchestrator of my life, leading me in my endeavors, my relationships, in my parenting, friendships, service, ministry, etc. Isaiah 40
I know that I know nothing escapes His care or His provision. 
Yes, bad things will still happen this side of eternity, but I know that I know I am Redeemed by the Great I Am. I am protected by The King of Kings. I am not a loss cause. I am not alone. I know that I know He hears my cries and my prayers and rejoices in my accomplishments even if I have failed the 10 times before. 
I know that I know God loves every single one of us and has a divinely great plan for a beautiful life, free of....assumptions!
If this is you too, (I am assuming I am not the only one who has been here), don't assume another day. Live fully, embracing each day's plan and grace for every moment. Be intentional in knowing what it is you need to get your head and heart wrapped around, to bring glory to the One Intentional God. How? Let go of being in control and Trust The Only Faithful and Steadfast One. Surrender your fears and assumptions into Hope Himself. You must be in His Word. You must pray and talk to Him, learning to listen for His voice. How else will you know Him? It was through digging into His Word searching for Him, worshiping Him in truth, not feeling. Praying in petition and in waiting for His response. It was remembering Who was in charge of my life, the comings and goings, the direction and the provision of every day. Calling out to The One I knew heard me, saw me and held me. Knowing in my head the Truth while embracing the Heart of The One who held mine together. It was remembering that God was ultimately in control and I needed to trust Him, loving Him above all else, with all my heart and might.
Life is best lived, intentionally living and loving, giving life and blessings, while receiving life and blessings!! Life is good because God is good! Hallelujah!!!!!
Thank You Lord for intentionally creating the world, and all that is within it, seen and unseen. Thank You for the grace You alone cover us with so that we can work out our insecurities, inadequacies, our callings for Your glory this side of Heaven. May we never assume Your love, mercy, forgiveness, peace, comfort. May we never assume Your grace will run out. Help us in our minds to embrace the knowledge of who You are and help our hearts to grasp how deep and wide Your love for us is. God, we are so sorry for taking the weight of burdens in this life upon our own shoulders. May we call to mind Your love and friendship that are never ceasing. Thank You for Your Word to teach us what we need to know. Thank You for your friendship and Fatherhood that proves it. Thank You Holy Spirit for leading us, encouraging us, prompting us to remember and to worship in truth! You are a great, great God...I know that I know this is true!! Bless Your Holy Name, amen.

Psalm 57, "Be merciful to me, O God, be merciful to me, for in you my soul takes refuge; in the shadow of your wings I will take refuge, till the storms of destruction pass by.  

I cry out to God Most High, to God who fulfills his purpose for me. He will send from heaven and save me; he will put to shame him who tramples on me.
God will send out his steadfast love and his faithfulness! My soul is in the midst of lions; I lie down amid fiery beasts-- the children of man, whose teeth are spears and arrows, whose tongues are sharp swords. Be exalted, O God, above the heavens!

Let your glory be over all the earth! They set a net for my steps; my soul was bowed down. They dug a pit in my way, but they have fallen into it themselves.
My heart is steadfast, O God, my heart is steadfast! I will sing and make melody! Awake, my glory! Awake, O harp and lyre! I will awake the dawn! I will give thanks to you, O Lord, among the peoples; I will sing praises to you among the nations. For your steadfast love is great to the heavens, your faithfulness to the clouds.

Be exalted, O God, above the heavens! Let your glory be over all the earth!"

Cleaning My Windows for the Perfect View

 It's my million dollar view this year!!! I have always been a "keep the windows open" kind of girl. I love the sunshine and the fresh air that open windows provide. It refreshes me and awakens me. I could sit and stare outside for hours while reading a book or enjoying a meal by the windows in my home. If you think about it...the most desirable seats at a restaurant or a home are by the water. They are always the most costly, because they provide an amazing view just on the other side.
Living here in the Keys has deepened my love for the outdoors. The water's edge, the lush landscapes, the colorful homes, the endless views, the varying shades of blues in the waters...the cool breezes and oh, the sun rises and sun sets...wow!! God blessed us beyond measure and more than what we deserve to allow us to rent a place with a beautiful view outdoors on the water. I have not closed the window blinds but maybe 3 times for us to watch a movie. Every night and day, they remain open!! Our family spends the majority of our time either out back on the water or inside looking out back at the view. So, you can imagine that in the daily maintenance of housekeeping, cleaning these 4 sets of sliding glass doors is top priority for me. It's our main view. It greatly affects how we see the view outside, and even if we get to!
Between 2 dogs and 12 hands, you can also probably imagine all the fingerprints and smears and smudges that find their impressions on this wall of windows! It's like washing your car and the moment you drive it out of the wash, you hit a mud puddle. Or upon unloading the last of the laundry to it's drawer, someone brings you the bag of clothes they forgot to give you...it never ends. It takes my constant attention to make sure they stay clean and clear because when the sun shines through the glass, every smudge is seen and it distorts and sometimes blocks the view. We must have 10 other windows throughout the house and I can count on one hand the amount of times I have wiped them down, but these doors have been scrubbed, buffed and detailed almost daily to guarantee (best it can be) a crystal clear and unobstructive view of our beautiful, main, million dollar view outside.
I admit there are days I am too busy or too lazy to wipe them down and the view is one of embarrassment, shame, frustration and I feel so guilty for hindering the amazing view that is just on the other side, all because of a choice I have made not to make it a priority to clean them. And when the sun shines in revealing all the white smudges, I want to close the blinds and try to hide the dirt and smears, until later, when I decide to make the time to wipe them down. In hindsight, I find it's much easier and less hurtful to my heart when I suck it up, remember the priority they have in our family's view of the outisde, our million dollar view that connects us to the outside, and I stay ontop of them, keeping them clean.
Well, it had been a few days and I was beginning to feel the guilt and shame for all the dirt and you know it, I got the kids out the door for school and hurried backhand scrubbed and wiped with vengeance to get theses windows back in order and crystal clean once again so that when the sun shined through in what would only be about an hour later, it would reflect the glorious view and my guilt would be no more.
I was scrubbing down the last window, completely out of breath, and the Holy Spirit asked me, "Do you care for me the same?" It was a million dollar question about the million dollar view, of my spirit. I take such care and commitment to make sure my physical view was without blemish, making it a top priority, worthy of my extra time, energy and resources, but how well do I care for my spiritual view? Are the windows to my soul as much of a priority to me? Is my view of God my main view, one worthy of my daily cleaning and care or is He just another one of the windows in my "temple" that occasionally gets wiped down? Am I at times too busy or lazy to clean my heart and mind and allow the dirt and smudges to build up causing my view to become distorted and even blocked? Do I sometimes choose to close the blinds, (only causing me to feel guilt, shame and embarrassment within my heart), so I can avoid having to deal with my sin-smudges for "today", only to know they are still there and must be cleaned up?
Am I zealous to prepare my windows for The "Son" to shine through and reveal to me His glorious view? Is He worth the diligence it takes, the time and commitment and effort, and sometimes even sacrifice it takes to keep my windows clean? Is God my main view or just one of many? Is seeing Him clearly, as my main view important enough to me that I constantly find myself paying attention to the smudges and dirt that accumulate and do my best at keeping myself clean and pure before Him, so that I can see Him without hindrance and here find my greatest enjoyment and pleasure seeing Him?
This was a good reminder for me and I pray it is for you too. We can spend much time, energy and resources keeping our physical world in order and but hardly any for our spiritual world. May we run with endurance to open the blinds we have closed in our hearts, our minds, and our souls, and with a renewed determination, re-prioritize and clean up our internal windows and rid ourselves of all that hinders our glorious view to the beautiful "Son" just outside the window.

Thank You Lord God for forgiving us of our sin. Open our hearts and cleanse us. Rid us from all that hinders us from seeing You clearly and purely. Renew within us a right and pure spirit. Give us a new determination to diligently keep ourselves clean before You so we can see You more clearly. May our heart's eyes continually be drawn to Your glorious view and not any other. Do not let us settle for a distorted view but build in us the fire of Your consuming Fire that refines and purifies our soul for You. Grant us endurance to never settle for less than a clear view of You. You Oh God, are worthy of all our honor and praise. It is our desire to know You intimately and love You purely and serve You diligently. May You be delighted when we bask in the view of Your Son shining down on us. All praise and glory is Yours, amen!!

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God." 

Hebrews 12:1-2

"Have mercy on me, O God, according to your steadfast love; according to your abundant mercy blot out my transgressions. 2 Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin! 

 6Behold, you delight in truth in the inward being, and you teach me wisdom in the secret heart. 7Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean; wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow. 8 Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones that you have broken rejoice. 9 Hide your face from my sins, and blot out all my iniquities. 10 Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me. 11 Cast me not away from your presence, and take not your Holy Spirit from me. 12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit. 13 Then I will teach transgressors your ways, and sinners will return to you. 14 Deliver me from blood guiltiness, O God, O God of my salvation, and my tongue will sing aloud of your righteousness. 15 O Lord, open my lips, and my mouth will declare your praise. 16 For you will not delight in sacrifice, or I would give it; you will not be pleased with a burnt offering. 17 The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise. 18 Do good to Zion in your good pleasure; build up the walls of Jerusalem; 19 then will you delight in right sacrifices, in burnt offerings and whole burnt offerings; then bulls will be offered on your altar."

Psalm 51:1-2, 6-19 

What Spills Out Matters

OOOPPPS!!! TOO MANY THINGS IN MY HANDS!! I was carrying my Carry All bag, my purse, my sunglasses, my coffee mug and my Bible and as I leaned over to grab my keys, CRASH!! My Bible slipped out falling to ground and EVERYTHING fell out. UGH! Really, when is it ever a good time to drop something and have to spend time cleaning it up?!? I think...never!

Past church bulletins, children's color sheets, meeting notes, bookmarks, sermon notes jotted on a piece of paper when I had forgotten my journal. It all fell out. I've always held my Bible close as it was much like a Diary to me and the thought of someone seeing some of my personal notes would have been devastating. It wasn't until I noticed a friend of mine continually opening and sharing her Bible with others that God began to show me how my Bible was something I should be opening wide and not covering up before others. One day she asked me to look something up in hers and the thought crossed my mind how she must really trust me with something so personal. 

God used this "sharing your Bible" thing to teach me on a deeper level that although we should be clinging to and guarding the Word, we should freely give it and share it. Therefore, what's on the inside matters. Taking this to a deeper level...if I open my Bible, or my heart to someone, what will they see inside? What does GOD see inside? I pray goodness and truths and hope are found. Whatever spills out, I pray it's good. This means I must be careful with my choices, and choose wisely what I hold on to.

"For no good tree bears bad fruit, nor again does a bad tree bear good fruit, for each tree is known by its own fruit. For figs are not gathered from thornbushes, nor are grapes picked from a bramble bush. The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks." Luke 6:43-45 

When you are knocked down, what spills out? Good or evil? Good fruit or bad fruit? What you hold onto in your heart matters. Although no one wants to admit that "evil" comes out of us, we must be honest and own our sin. Sin is evil.

"And He said, "What comes out of a person is what defiles him. For from within, out of the heart of man, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, coveting, wickedness, deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, pride, foolishness.  All these evil things come from within, and they defile a person." Mark 7:20-23 

It is never a good time to get knocked down. But it's only we are put to the test and shaken that what's on the inside can be honestly revealed. When something doesn't go your way, or someone says something ugly or incorrect about you, or even when the warfare against you is strong, what thoughts burst from within your heart and mind...and mouth? Remember that we also have to clean up our spill. The messier it is, the harder and longer it will take to clean up. 

Obviously when we are hurt, we are going to feel hurt, say we are hurt and even shed tears from being hurt, but what is attached to that hurt as it comes out? Gossip, revenge, deceit, bitterness, hatred? Or does your heart immediately cry out to the Lord for Him to take a hold of it as it breaks? Falling at the feet of Jesus and letting Him act on our behalf, strengthening in us at the same time with peace, forgiveness, self-control.

Like the commercial goes, "What's in your wallet?" Today, we must ask "What's in your heart?"

Forgiving and Just God,

How I pray for a heart that pleases You. When life shakes me up, give me eyes to see what You see in me that I may get rid of all the evil inside as it oozes out and fill my heart and soul with all that is good. Guide me Holy Spirit in self-control to make daily choices that led me on a path of goodness and mercy, purity and peace. Help me guard the influences around me, turning from all evil and taking in what is Good. Open my heart Father God and pour into me Your goodness and mercy, Your compassion and love and may I be bolder in sharing it with others. Your Word is a light unto my path, healing to my heart. Help me to hide Your Holy Word, engraving it into the depths of my mind, heart and soul so I may claim it's promises and power and rebuke the evil that tries to penetrate within it. I pray that when it is broken that it bleeds Your Blood which covers all my sin. Thank You Lord for Your perfect love. Be the core of me. Amen.