Thankful for Being Perfectly Imperfect

November is the traditional month of Thanks-giving. Social media fills the airways of stories and events in people's lives and in history that are filled with giving thanks, where they were blessed beyond measure, given or won something they couldn't imagine or saved from something that could have destroyed them but didn't. This is true for me too. Every November, like everyone else, I reflect daily on the blessings God has poured out on me. The list is nearly endless. From family to friends, to provisions, to the active and real presence of my Lord, I give abundant thanks from each glory to glory.
Thanksgiving comes naturally in the midst of the current goodness or blessing but sometimes our thanksgiving comes from a place of deep pain or heartache. We are thankful to no longer be in pain anymore. We are thankful to have been saved from something, be it physical, emotional or spiritual. Remembering these moments are bittersweet. Painful remembrances yet remembered for the redeeming love that brought us through them. Bittersweet.
As many of you know from reading or hearing of my own testimony of God's refining rescue in my own life, November is that month of bittersweet reflection for me. So many times in God's Word He tells us to "remember" and "give thanks in all circumstances." As much as we want to forget times of pain in our lives, the valleys we had to crawl through served to build our spiritual muscles, the fires that burned us, didn't consume us but purified and refined us. I would never choose to walk through another valley or be tossed into a firery pit so it behooves me to take personal inventory of my life to make sure I am doing all I can to stay out of them. 
Like Paul, I asked the Lord to remove the thorn from my flesh several times and the Lord saw it best not to. I can't help but think God wanted him to feel that twinge of a reminder lest he ever forget that bittersweet place in his life when God saved him. This was true for me too. I have moments in my heart (literally and figuratively) I feel that twinge from the remnants of the thorns that once pierced me.
I am brought back to September 2008 when our ladies Bible study was starting back up for the Fall Semester. The study was He Speaks to Me. For months I felt like I hadn't connected to God. I felt too busy, but a good busy. I just wasn't hearing Him and this study was advertised for just a person. I was breaking my back to be the perfect Wife, Mom, Friend, Church Servant. I was actually breaking my heart, and God's. My anxiety and perfectionism drove my high expectations of myself, as well as trying to be a perfect reflection of a Proverbs 31 woman who served her family, friends and community with perfection. Only to find myself frustrated and failing constantly. If I got one thing right, I missed 3 others. If I got the Wife of the Week Award, I got Worst Mom Award the same week and visa versa. I would get up and start the house cleaning, pushing the kids out the door for school so I could get to working and then feel the shame and loss of missing what I really wanted the morning to look like with a hot cooked breakfast, hugs and prayers. Or I would spend all day cleaning the outside yard and doing laundry only to be too exhausted to play with them when they got home...and then there were the bathrooms and picking up and cleaning the floors, running errands, trying to squeeze in a devotional and on and on. Sooooo much to accomplish and I just couldn't get it all done. I felt like I was on autopilot trying to get it "perfectly perfect" each new day. I thought, "One day...."  I would get this whole Wife, Mom, Friend, Christian woman life right...but that day never came. And no wonder I felt distant from God. I was too busy with my own list to consider His. I was so concerned about my own perfectness, I missed His perfectness. I feared my failures instead of fearing my God.
My thoughts screamed at me constantly to try harder and do this and that. There was no silence or rest to hear what God had to say. And yes, I worshiped throughout the day, jamming out to my Christian music. And yes, I prayed as I thought of someone of something I needed to pray for. And yes, I attempted to do my Bible study lessons for the week only to cram in a few days at a time to make sure I didn't show up without answers. I wanted to reflect God perfectly and my intentions perfectly, so I made sure that by all outward appearances, I had it together, proving that as a Christian woman, I...we...really could "do all things in Christ who is my strength." Phil 4:13. However, it was breaking my heart, and God's. 
I couldn't seem to find my own way out of this performance cycle and God stepped in to give me a hand. My study book actually went missing during Week 2 homework. How embarrassing is that?! I lost my book? After two weeks? Good grief!! I did not want to go back to class but I was responsible for leading the worship time each week. I had to still show up. Ohhhh, I thought of excuses to hide, but I wasn't going to lie in order to hide. Filled with complete embarrassment, I went and sat with blank paper and pen. My teacher and friend offered me a weekly email with the Scripture verses that I could look up and write my thoughts down and I would at least be able to stay on topic with the ladies. 
The first day I sat down with her email, shaking my head, I opened my Bible to read and reflect on each scripture. I felt a small stirring in my spirit. Each day that week, I remember feeling excited to look up the next set of scriptures. I realized that over the years, I had gotten really good at doing Bible studies, without the Bible. I dug deep and took into consideration what the author was trying to teach that day, making sure I got the right answers and not really ever needing to open my own Bible to honestly find what God was trying to say. (One reason I don't like when authors write the verse for you in the study book, replacing the need for using a Bible. It spiritually spoon fed me. I didn't have to work for anything or discover the Living Water personally. I got sips of theirs.) I had forgotten or maybe gotten too distracted or maybe even too lazy or too busy and was forgetting who's word I needed to discern and dig deep into.
God's Word is a healing balm and it refreshes the soul. I began to thirst for it every morning, even if I didn't get to it till the afternoon time. Oddly enough, the very last week, I found my book. It had been kicked under the computer desk, don't know how or by whom, and I just had to laugh. God had obviously taken it away from me so that I could truly do a Bible study. I realized then, I needed to be in His Word, literally.
Eventhough my desire for His Word was ignited again, I still was attempting the "perfectly perfect" life of a Christian woman of God who did all things with joy, grace and perfection evidenced by her well kept home, healthy meal planning, well behaved and respectful children, a smiling and adoring husband with a  smile on her face all the while I was screaming and dying on the inside of all my trying. My heart was failing. My spirit was defeated. My mind was spinning. And yes, I was still praying but my prayers were for help...to be perfect in all that I felt I needed to be and do. And yes, I still worshiped the God who was my source of all....perfection. My strength in my weakness. Oh how deceptive and slick evil is.
One day, December 6, 2008, God turned off my autopilot and put me in neutral. All of a sudden, my life had lost control. The tight hold I had on my life was gone. Through a very dark season of fear, crying out from the depths of darkness, trying still to keep the face of faith on, I quickly found myself in a pit of nothingness. I imagined myself being overcome by the quicksand of life, slowly sinking further and suffocating in the end. I was drowning in my soul. I saw no rescue. I felt no peace. My hope was breaking to pieces just like my heart. My faith was shaking just as my mind was tossed back and forth. 
But why?!? At the time, I didn't understand why this was happening. My whole aim in life was to do my best at being a "perfect" Christian woman of God. To make the right choices and do all the right things for God, for myself, for my family, for others. And there it was. I was trying to be perfectly perfect at being perfect, concerned with how I appeared to God and to others rather than being concerned with how I appeared to God and how God appeared to me. My life was a series of To-dos that needed to be done with perfection instead of a life of To-be that needed to be done for for the glory and pleasure of a Perfect God. 
Satan constantly reminded me that I was imperfect, never able to measure up to what I thought I should be. I felt shame, embarrassment and guilt at the truth of this knowing I could never get it all perfectly right. But God.... He stepped in and reminded me that I am perfectly imperfect in His name. For the first time, I felt grace and mercy at the truth of knowing that while I could never do all things or be all things perfectly, that in Him, I could stand before Him and rest knowing that I was made perfect in Him through my imperfections. 2 Corinthinas 12:9-10 "But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 
God took back control of my life and with His gentle yet firm hand, He lifted me out of that darkness and set me back on level, steady ground, my sure foundation! I felt my breath again. For the first time, I felt perfectly perfect, to be imperfect. My thirst for Living Water refreshed my heart, soul and spirit day after day. I woke up early in the morning to give Him my first fruits. I began and ended my days in thanksgiving for His healing grace, His strength despite my weakness, His grace despite my selfishness and pride, His unconditional love and acceptance for this imperfect girl. 
I no longer sought perfectionism in me. I no longer feared failure. I could finally find rest in my Perfect God. The shattered pieces of my heart, soul and mind were gathered together, and refined by His Fire. I realized how "me" centered my life had become when all my heart really wanted was a "God" centered life. The Pharisees had the same issues. While they knew God, they lived life according to the rules and to-dos and completely missed worshiping and knowing God's Himself, knowing His love personally, living with hope, joy, peace, love, trust and anticipation. They were on autopilot to stay the course and obey the rules, doing all kinds of good and making sure they played the part of righteous ones well. They missed the mark and lived a "me" centered life even though I bet if you asked them, they would probably would have said it was most certainly a "God" centered life.
It took months of prayer, being in God's Word consistently, meditating on His Word, embracing His love and forgiveness, seeking accountability, desiring His will for my day and not my own, to finally and truly be free from the bondage of "me" and becoming free indeed!!!! 
While the valley has thorns and the fire leaves scars, they are beauty from the ashes to my heart and soul. They remind me of God's great love and compassion for His children and how He desperately desires us to know Him, not just know of Him. Not just do things and be things in His name, but to do and be things because of His name. 
If I want to boast about God and experience His power resting on me, then I will "boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses," and learn to be "content in my weaknesses." Not easily done when you are a recovering perfectionist!!! But it is possible with a healthy dose of humility and God's power!!! I think I had it backwards all those years...I was concerned about displaying the potential of Me as a Child of God instead of the perfectness and potential of my God. My Potential vs. God's Possible....I am perfectly imperfect but God is what is perfectly perfect. Satan wants us to only see the truth of who we are to shame us and cause us to drown in our own quicksand, but God stands as our Protector and Shield reminding us that in Him, we have been given power in Jesus Name to overcome and enable us to be more than conquerers in His Name. There is no condemnation in Christ Jesus and nothing can separate us from His hold on us! (Romans 8) I am imperfect, "all have sinned" so Satan is right. But God....He redeems us and washes us clean, making us perfectly imperfect in Him! "And now, Israel, what does the LORD your God require of you, but to fear the LORD your God, to walk in all His ways, to love Him, to serve the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul, and to keep the commandments and statutes of the LORD, which I am commanding you today for your good?" Deuteronomy 10:12-13 
I hope this reaches the drowning heart of another person who feels like they can hardly breath. You feel like you are on autopilot. You are running so fast that you don't feel like your feet are touching the ground sometimes and if they do, it is because you have fallen hard. May I encourage you to take a deep breath and breath in the grace of God's overpowering love and exhale all your efforts. You think you can keep going and doing all the good busy stuff you want or need to do and do it all in the name of Jesus, but if you don't stop and place yourself into His care and purpose of being and doing, and get Him truly at the center of you, He will gently but firmly save you from yourself, but let me tell you, the fear of that darkness will not quickly be forgotten. Much better that you heed warnings that you are approaching quicksand before you find yourself suffocating in it. It is much better to fall on your knees than to be brought to your knees...I promise you!!! And yet how bittersweet that once we have been on our knees, we will once again stand!!!!! Bruised and blistered, yes... but not destroyed!! Refined, not refused!! Loved, not lost!!

" But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; " 

2 Corinthians 4:7-9

If you have lost your thirst for the Word...if you feel like you do not have control over your days...if you feel like you are going to scream...if you feel like God is far away...if you feel there is no hope and you are sinking in quicksand...if you feel alone and forsaken...you feel like a complete failure...may I gently and firmly remind you that both God and Satan are at work in your life and you have to decide who's voice you will listen to and believe. Satan is the Father of Lies and God is the Father of Love. Satan wants to destroy you from the inside out but God will heal you from the inside out. God has not forsaken you. You are perfectly imperfect and greatly loved. You are not alone. You are not a lost cause. There is a Redeemer name Jesus Christ who has come to set the captive free and it is in Him you will find your strength, joy, peace beyond measure. Reach out and take hold of Him again. You must pray, put on your armor and fight for your life in Christ. Right now, there is a battle for your heart, soul and mind that you cannot see but you are probably feeling so you must believe that you are more than a conquerer. Victory has already been declared on the Cross and it is yours to receive! You do not need to give up the fight here on earth to end the chaos and pain. Our Redeemer lives. Peace is here now! The King of kings and Lord of lords, the Ruler over all things, people and principalities stands strong guarding His children. Get into His Word, the Living and Active, 2 edged sword, and let Him heal and help you out of the darkness. His "word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path." Psalm 119:105 You cannot give up or quit. You must replace your "me" centeredness with God at the center again. Fall on your knees and cry out to Him in all honesty and faith, believing He is who He says He is and can do just as He has promised in His Word. Do not doubt His love or ability, and do not doubt that you are worthy of His love. God will be your rescue but you need to do your part and be willing to be rescued. Pray. Seek. Believe. Hope. Surrender. Reclaim your life in Him and live the life He has planned and purposed just for you. Look up Friend and stand once again on steady ground, a Sure Foundation because He is that Foundation!! If you do not have the strength to reach up, then reach out and ask for help. The Holy Spirit intercedes on our behalf but God also calls others to do the same. You may have been too much into yourself to look out an notice the hands and feet of God reaching out to you. Open your eyes and see that the Lord is good and He is near! Do not be afraid to take off the Perfect Mask and reveal yourself to others. Be authentic and real. Be careful who you trust and seek out those who will love you through Christ's love and care. Remember, you are strongest when you are the weakest, it just may not feel that way yet!! 

"And he said to me, "It is done! I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. To the thirsty I will give from the spring of the water of life without payment. The one who conquers will have this heritage, and I will be his God and he will be my son." Revelation 21:6-7

My name is Michele, and I am a Perfectly Imperfect Woman of God!

Cleaning My Windows for the Perfect View

 It's my million dollar view this year!!! I have always been a "keep the windows open" kind of girl. I love the sunshine and the fresh air that open windows provide. It refreshes me and awakens me. I could sit and stare outside for hours while reading a book or enjoying a meal by the windows in my home. If you think about it...the most desirable seats at a restaurant or a home are by the water. They are always the most costly, because they provide an amazing view just on the other side.
Living here in the Keys has deepened my love for the outdoors. The water's edge, the lush landscapes, the colorful homes, the endless views, the varying shades of blues in the waters...the cool breezes and oh, the sun rises and sun sets...wow!! God blessed us beyond measure and more than what we deserve to allow us to rent a place with a beautiful view outdoors on the water. I have not closed the window blinds but maybe 3 times for us to watch a movie. Every night and day, they remain open!! Our family spends the majority of our time either out back on the water or inside looking out back at the view. So, you can imagine that in the daily maintenance of housekeeping, cleaning these 4 sets of sliding glass doors is top priority for me. It's our main view. It greatly affects how we see the view outside, and even if we get to!
Between 2 dogs and 12 hands, you can also probably imagine all the fingerprints and smears and smudges that find their impressions on this wall of windows! It's like washing your car and the moment you drive it out of the wash, you hit a mud puddle. Or upon unloading the last of the laundry to it's drawer, someone brings you the bag of clothes they forgot to give you...it never ends. It takes my constant attention to make sure they stay clean and clear because when the sun shines through the glass, every smudge is seen and it distorts and sometimes blocks the view. We must have 10 other windows throughout the house and I can count on one hand the amount of times I have wiped them down, but these doors have been scrubbed, buffed and detailed almost daily to guarantee (best it can be) a crystal clear and unobstructive view of our beautiful, main, million dollar view outside.
I admit there are days I am too busy or too lazy to wipe them down and the view is one of embarrassment, shame, frustration and I feel so guilty for hindering the amazing view that is just on the other side, all because of a choice I have made not to make it a priority to clean them. And when the sun shines in revealing all the white smudges, I want to close the blinds and try to hide the dirt and smears, until later, when I decide to make the time to wipe them down. In hindsight, I find it's much easier and less hurtful to my heart when I suck it up, remember the priority they have in our family's view of the outisde, our million dollar view that connects us to the outside, and I stay ontop of them, keeping them clean.
Well, it had been a few days and I was beginning to feel the guilt and shame for all the dirt and you know it, I got the kids out the door for school and hurried backhand scrubbed and wiped with vengeance to get theses windows back in order and crystal clean once again so that when the sun shined through in what would only be about an hour later, it would reflect the glorious view and my guilt would be no more.
I was scrubbing down the last window, completely out of breath, and the Holy Spirit asked me, "Do you care for me the same?" It was a million dollar question about the million dollar view, of my spirit. I take such care and commitment to make sure my physical view was without blemish, making it a top priority, worthy of my extra time, energy and resources, but how well do I care for my spiritual view? Are the windows to my soul as much of a priority to me? Is my view of God my main view, one worthy of my daily cleaning and care or is He just another one of the windows in my "temple" that occasionally gets wiped down? Am I at times too busy or lazy to clean my heart and mind and allow the dirt and smudges to build up causing my view to become distorted and even blocked? Do I sometimes choose to close the blinds, (only causing me to feel guilt, shame and embarrassment within my heart), so I can avoid having to deal with my sin-smudges for "today", only to know they are still there and must be cleaned up?
Am I zealous to prepare my windows for The "Son" to shine through and reveal to me His glorious view? Is He worth the diligence it takes, the time and commitment and effort, and sometimes even sacrifice it takes to keep my windows clean? Is God my main view or just one of many? Is seeing Him clearly, as my main view important enough to me that I constantly find myself paying attention to the smudges and dirt that accumulate and do my best at keeping myself clean and pure before Him, so that I can see Him without hindrance and here find my greatest enjoyment and pleasure seeing Him?
This was a good reminder for me and I pray it is for you too. We can spend much time, energy and resources keeping our physical world in order and but hardly any for our spiritual world. May we run with endurance to open the blinds we have closed in our hearts, our minds, and our souls, and with a renewed determination, re-prioritize and clean up our internal windows and rid ourselves of all that hinders our glorious view to the beautiful "Son" just outside the window.

Thank You Lord God for forgiving us of our sin. Open our hearts and cleanse us. Rid us from all that hinders us from seeing You clearly and purely. Renew within us a right and pure spirit. Give us a new determination to diligently keep ourselves clean before You so we can see You more clearly. May our heart's eyes continually be drawn to Your glorious view and not any other. Do not let us settle for a distorted view but build in us the fire of Your consuming Fire that refines and purifies our soul for You. Grant us endurance to never settle for less than a clear view of You. You Oh God, are worthy of all our honor and praise. It is our desire to know You intimately and love You purely and serve You diligently. May You be delighted when we bask in the view of Your Son shining down on us. All praise and glory is Yours, amen!!

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God." 

Hebrews 12:1-2

"Have mercy on me, O God, according to your steadfast love; according to your abundant mercy blot out my transgressions. 2 Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin! 

 6Behold, you delight in truth in the inward being, and you teach me wisdom in the secret heart. 7Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean; wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow. 8 Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones that you have broken rejoice. 9 Hide your face from my sins, and blot out all my iniquities. 10 Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me. 11 Cast me not away from your presence, and take not your Holy Spirit from me. 12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit. 13 Then I will teach transgressors your ways, and sinners will return to you. 14 Deliver me from blood guiltiness, O God, O God of my salvation, and my tongue will sing aloud of your righteousness. 15 O Lord, open my lips, and my mouth will declare your praise. 16 For you will not delight in sacrifice, or I would give it; you will not be pleased with a burnt offering. 17 The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise. 18 Do good to Zion in your good pleasure; build up the walls of Jerusalem; 19 then will you delight in right sacrifices, in burnt offerings and whole burnt offerings; then bulls will be offered on your altar."

Psalm 51:1-2, 6-19 

Having Self-Control to NOT be In Control

Sounds ridiculous doesn’t it?!? But I know that for those of you who may be struggling with letting go of being in control, that you totally understand that statement. For those of you who think you can control everything, well, this makes no sense and you’d probably say, “Just take control and let be what is to be.”

As a Mom, it is our job to be “in control” at all times, monitoring the house, monitoring the health of the home both physically and emotionally, supporting Dad with leading the spiritual health. We are to teach responsibility as we “train them up in the way they should go.” We are to help with their schooling, read and connect with their vulnerable hearts and wild little minds. We are to keep them focused on their value in Christ, assuring them they are infact “fearfully and wonderfully made” when the world crushes them and tells them they are worthless. It is us who set the tone of the house when sleepy and grumpy eyes don’t feel like waking up and going to school or work that day. It is our gentle answers that diffuse hormonal explosions. The list goes on.
But there comes a point where we have to “let go and let God.” There is only so much we can do. I would even say there is only so much we are supposed to do. 
Our children are not ours, “they are a gift from the Lord.” They are ultimately His and we are simply the trainers and care-givers for a short time. Only God can truly heal their heart from insecurity or pain, and it is my “job” to show how to lean into God’s love. Only God can give them value and strength therefore it is my “job” to show them the economy of God and that they are worth more than gold, they are worth dying for. Only God can give them confidence and endurance to walk through the days that feel like sinking sand. It is my “job” to show them how to fall into the arms of The One who will carry them through it.
All along I thought I was supposed to be the one that did all that for them. Have I taken the “job” of God?! My “job” is to train and display what it means to be Christlike. We are to reflect the glory of our Lord in all the we do and all that we are. But who is determining what that is? Me? Or God? Each of our “jobs” here on earth are for the glory of our Master and Supreme Authority. We are the display of Christ, His reflection, when our “light shines in the darkness” and as we “love one another” and “count others more significant than ourselves.” Is is not our “job” to light the wicks, but flame them. It is not our “job” to place value on others, it has already been determined on the Hill of Calvary. God is God, that’s His “job.” We are partakers of this great plan. How wonderful that even though God doesn’t need us to “get the job done”, but that He allows us see the Light and fruit of His glory, that we get to share in the blessings of His salvation and redemption. There is such a joy to see the hands of God do their “job” through ours. To see the fruit of our laboring with Him. We neither made the fruit or harvested it and yet we get to gather it and enjoy it. “Taste and see that the Lord is good!!!!”  
I don’t know who else out there needs this encouragement, or maybe gentle reminder as I have, but I promise you that when you “cast your burdens and anxieties on Him because He cares for you” and you rest knowing God “goes before you and holds everything together,” and when you remember that “In the beginning God…created” it all and saw that it was good, that “He is over all things present, past and future,” that our God is the One True God, the “Alpha and Omega and The Beginning and The End” of everything, and that “He has a plan to prosper you” in your “job” as a Mom/CareTaker, Wife/Spouse, CoWorker, Friend, Neighbor, Church Member, Volunteer…that He has given to you a spirit of peace that surpasses all understanding, love, joy, patience, gentleness, kindess, faithfulness and riches/resources too numerous to count for you to accomplish your “job.” You can trust Him, depend on Him and fall into His steadfast and loving care for every decision and every relationship that you must “work at.” 

It is too great a burden (“job”) to carry the weight of the world on our shoulders, our shoulders aren’t big enough. It is God’s job to be God and our “job” to serve Him in the working power of the love of Christ, with all our hearts, souls, minds and strength!!!
May we have self-control today to not be controlling, but rather that we would be an instrument to be used by God, who has absolute power and authority over and in all things!! 

Father God, Lord over All, take my hands and bind them to Yours. Fix my eyes on what You have before me. Cleanse my heart Lord and empty all that hinders it from being filled with You. Straighten my path so that I can follow You and not swerve to the left or right. Forgive me for those times when I step before You and think I can lead the way. Forgive me for those days I sloth behind You. Quicken and steady my pace to walk with You. God, You are The Alpha and Omega, The Beginning and End of all things, in my life and in all Creation. I acknowledge You are The Great I Am. Holy Spirit, remind me when I start thinking I am and turn my heart’s attention of being in control to He who is. Thank You Lord for Your grace, Your mercy, Your Love and Your patience. My knee is bowed. Please give me the confidence, endurance, strength, wisdom and discernment for every “job” that You have given me. May I hear the whipsers of the Holy Spirit who is monitoring me as I monitor those around me. I trust You. Thank You for carrying me and loving me like You do. Thank You for loving my child even more than I could ever! Let each of them know it and believe it too!!!! You are precious, my Savior and Friend, amen.

Be still my soul, be still. 

Can You Afford NOT to Take a Sick Day?

We tell our kids at the first sign of sickness, to rest, take your medicine or else they will get worse. We give them their vitamins, extra grace and help. We write out letters to teachers and coaches explaining why our child needs to sit out and take a break.

But what about us? For the Stay at Home Mom it is hard to stop and rest for there is sooo much to be done and for my Working Friends, I know this is equally true and probably even harder because they have deadlines and finances that are dependent on their presence and work load. I think it’s hard for any adult to take a sick day. We don’t have someone standing over us caring for our health, telling us to stop and rest and they will take care of things while we are down….or do we?

When we look at this physically, as we realize we are getting a cold, our nose starts to tickle and our voices begin to shake and our bodies begin aching, we notice it and we take action-either rest or deny. Others may notice our less than patient attitude and the grumpy demeanor we walk around with, but do we take heed and rest? Probably not. Too much to do. We just push through the pain and sometimes selfishly expose others to our illness cuz we don’t want to slow down and rest. Oftentimes it takes us getting the rug yanked out from underneath us with severe illness to slow down and rest, and then we we call in a “sick” day.

When we look at this spiritually, we don’t always realize we are getting a “spiritual cold” until the rug is pulled out from underneath us and we fall flat on our face. But what if we noticed the warning signs of a looming “spiritual cold” and were able to get the rest we need to avoid a spiritual crisis? Do we take heed when those around us notice our grumpy demeanor, the lack of passion or pursuit in our walk with the Lord as we once had serving Him? Do we choose to take heed and rest? Probably not. Too much to do. We just push through the pain and sometimes selfishly expose others to our germs cuz we don’t want to slow down and rest. Oftentimes it takes us getting the rug yanked out from underneath us to slow down and rest, and in which we have no choice but to call in a “sick” day.

Let me remind you that there is "someone" watching over you! Actually lots of someones...God and His army and Satan and His army. Both stand ready at the gate to defend you (God) or destroy you (Satan.) The Holy Spirit is our protecting CareGiver. His indwelling within us knows our “temperature” and whispers to us to rest up, get those vitamins going again, hydrate on The Living Water and feed yourself on the simple food of Daily Bread to settle yourself. But do we listen? Does it take us becoming so spiritually depleted, weak and empty before we call in a “sick” day? Oh how stubborn we are! We think we can just get better by doing nothing, just ignore it and it will go away. Well, we know that isn’t true physically and it also isn’t true emotionally or spiritually. 

God says Come to me those who are weary, and rest. He is there, our Abba Father, caring for His children who don’t always recognize they are sick and need to stop and rest. He has already written His letter of “excused absence” on your behalf. And sometimes when we can’t hear those whispers, He will graciously send some on-call Believers to make a house call and show you your symptoms, take your temperature and bring you your Daily Bread and hydrate you with Living Water. And then, if you reject their care for you, The Great Physician will step in and work on you. And trust me, His meds and methods are not a quick fix, or pleasant. He describes some of His recovery places where we are placed in isolation to stop the spread of our “germs”- in the pit, in the dessert, in the valley, in the wilderness, in the sea. (Wouldn’t that be a whole other interesting study!!!) 

So, what does it mean to take a “sick” day? I think for each of us it will look different. Some may need to take time away from the house and job for a period of time, maybe a day at home with nothing "being done" but resting, or a day away at the park or a weekend at a retreat center. Maybe God has sent you a friend to come alongside you and bring you "meds" once a week over a cup of coffee or lunch, or to talk about the plan for healing over the phone once a week as needed. Maybe time spent with a loved one that gets you and can make you laugh tears of joy through the tears of pain. Maybe you need to go to a professional counselor and work on some therapy, for however long as needed. 
For me, it was all the above. I needed to takes of rest at home, a time off from all the doings, other days I get away from the house and sit with just my God, enjoying every bite of Bread and Water, breathing in the fresh air of His grace and love. I also went to therapy once a week with a Believing therapist and a doctor. I changed my spiritual diet and took my daily prescribed Holy Word meds and began to restore and revive my broken and depleted soul. 
I find that every day, best I am able, I rest. Just 15-30 min of peace and quiet to sit still before the Lord. I still do these things to this day because I do not want to go into another preventable crisis that is painful to overcome. Daily, I "take my temperature," starting with the break of every new day, I rest my heart and soul mid day, I nourish myself throughout the day with Bread and Water, I take vitamins of goodness and “fruit” snacks (like listening to sermons, reading books, worship music, etc), and when I lay my head down at the end of the night, oh what peace to lay still and curl up in His arms. Days I get the shakes and stiffness, I will call in sick. I make an intentional choice to stop and get help. I sometimes will spend time with a friend who I know loves me and will intercede for me, giving me the Truth in love and hope I so desperately need, and other times, like today, I am sitting here alone on my favorite spot on the beach just for a few. Bible in hand, journal opened, and Water plenty!! Each wave crashes as if into my soul and washes away my grit and grim. I find myself wishing every day could be like this and am reminded that one day for me, it will be. I will one day find myself soaking in The Son on the shore of my Savior forever and ever. Until that day, I will work zealously, faithfully, and wholeheartedly…taking sick days when I need them. 
How careful we must be not to judge one another...you never know why someone may be taking a day off, going on vacation, sitting alone at the park, temporarily stepping down from serving at church, suddenly needing fellowship with Believers, asking those mysterious "unspoken" prayer requests, crying in church or on your couch. Why sometimes people go off the radar for a season, or two. They may be "sick" and need some time off for healing.
So, may I encourage you from someone who has always had a hard time taking a sick day…take it if you need it! If you are beginning to see the warning signs of spiritual sniffles, shaking or stiffness, teak heed and rest!! You will only get worse and meanwhile selfishly expose your spiritual germs to others. You cannot ignore it and get better. You have too much to do that you must get the healing you need. You cannot afford not to take a sick day!!!

And maybe God is calling you as one of His On-Call Believers to gently encourage and admonish another, be sure that you take with you the right meds...The Bread and The Water necessary to administer to them. God's Word is a healing balm to the soul!!!!! There is no greater medicine than ones from the Great Physician and Healer! 

“And we urge you, brothers, admonish the idle, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with them all.” 1 Thessalonians 5:14 (ESV)

Being a Permanent Temporary Resident

One year....I can do that! When God called us to make a big move in our lives to The Keys, I literally said those words (AFTER He confirmed the move in my heart which was AFTER I said NO WAY-see other previous posts for the whole story). God was gracious in showing us that yes, we needed to make this move, yes there was a plan laid out for us and yes, we were to go...just for a year. Like all things temporary: our hair color, braces, potted plants, learner's permits, they are temporary elements before a permanent placement. That's how I looked at this big move, a temporary move.
It all happened so fast and at first, my thoughts were anxious...Was this really God's plan? Would this huge move trigger anxiety in me? What if a hurricane comes or something devastating happens while we are there, and we don't even know one person there? Was there a hospital within an hour drive? Were there even churches in The Keys? If so, what church would we partner with? Would I be accepted? Would the schools accept the kids academically and socially? Would we face greater temptations in Island Life? Should we or Would we make any friends? And most importantly, was there a Starbucks nearby?! (Just being funny, kinda!) I have to admit thinking on these things did not exactly portray a Philippians 4:8 thinker.  All these thoughts filled my nervous soul and the spiritual battle was on. 
Our Sweet Savior assured me that it was okay, He was in control and He was with us no matter. His grace would be sufficient (2 Corinthians 12:9) and He is before all thing and in Him, all things hold together (Colossians 1:17). I meditated and held tightly to theses promises throughout the process. I am not sure Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego were concerned about their temporary place in the fiery furnace (Daniel 3) or Daniel when He was placed into the lion's den or Joseph when he was tossed into the well or placed in jail. Instead, they had their eyes on their God, believing He would provide. Their temporary eyes lived in a permanent world, the eternal one with Christ on His throne. God was faithful to me too. He is a faithful God! The Holy Spirit guided my thoughts and centered my mind back on Him. Joy and anticipation soon trumped my fears and worry! My spirit was energized! Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine! Our temporary life in Florida was going to be okay. 
It was sad to leave my amazing friends and family in Texas knowing how much they all loved us and actually gave us strong shoulders to be able to stand on here. Not making new friends here would be okay. I thought it might even be a distraction from "the plan" and I am such a shy girl that I thought it would be too hard, take too long to establish relationships here only to leave soon after. Besides, it's temporary. But God...
In His graciousness, He brought to us the most precious people! On our first house hunting trip here, He led us to a Pastor who just happened to be up at the church and opened the door to our knocking. We shared our journey and testimony, He listened and prayed over us. Once we arrived here, He placed before us wonderful teachers and amazing Godly friends. 
And within the first few weeks here, He already gifted into our life amazing friends. God loving, Christ affirming, real people, with real hearts for loving God and loving others. I thought, "God!!! What are You doing? This was not "the plan!!!" Of course...it was not my plan, but His. They certainly do not distract me away from "the plan" rather they affirmed it and enhanced it. Embracing us, they strengthen me and have loved on my family. They are ministers of God's sweetness and certainly display what it means to be family in Christ. Wow. Honestly, it was bittersweet at first. How wonderful to have been blessed so richly and yet how hard it will be to leave these precious people. 
I began trying to figure out how to be a good "temporary" friend. So I asked God on one of our walks together. He spoke so clearly into my spirit...your whole life is temporary Michele. No matter where you live, it is temporary. Your residence is here with Me. Wow. This was no more temporary than my hometown in Texas had been. My Home is in the Heartland of God. 
This earth and anywhere in it where I get my mail is temporary and He has called us to be deeply rooted in Him, established in Him (Jeremiah 17:7-8) loving and serving Him with all of our hearts, souls, minds and strengths (Deut 10:12-13). I don't have to figure out how to serve and live and love temporarily here. I just have to embrace these temporary elements of loving God and seeking after Him here on this temporary earth until He places me in my permanent place in Glory which is forever and ever. God has assured me (probably rolling His eyes at me), that He is bigger than my capacity to accomplish "the real plan." Lord, more of You and less of me. 
I have found a new sense of freedom in living for today and not in a countdown of sorts. Whether we end up back in Texas in 6 months or 6 years, the calendar will not be my guideline on how I choose to live my "temporary life." I choose to live for Eternity's sake in this temporary place called earth.
Has God asked you to do something that seems difficult? Has He asked you to make a move in your own life? It may not be a literal move of address, but of something in your heart, soul or mind? When we dig deep into knowing that ultimately our lives really are but a vapor and that where we are is temporary, can't we dare to love and serve and live without restrictions of our limitations knowing that God certainly is more than capable to provide these temporary elements to accomplish The Kingdom Plan here on earth as He prepares our permanent place beside Him? 
May we see these blessings and provisions as temporary elements He gives us to help us accomplish for His plan and glory what is eternally His plan? May our cup overflow with blessings so that we may bless overflowing. It all starts when we surrender to His plan and remember that God is in control and near. As the Holy Spirit intercedes on our behalf, our prayers and pleas join with His keeping our minds centered on the Cross. It's mercy, grace, provision and salvation. We can whole heartedly live permanently in this temporary place, loving God and loving others just as He has commanded. THAT is THE Plan.

God, thank You for going before us and walking with us. Help our hearts and minds to remember that while this life is temporary, that we are also to live it permanently, with eternal eyes. When we try to figure out our plan, remind us of Yours! Help us to be faithful servants of these temporary elements here on earth as You prepare for all Your children to live in their eternal home, forever and ever with You!! Create in us a clean heart that we can hear You clearly and serve You humbly. Increase in us our heart's boundaries to embrace all that You have for us. We worship and adore You. Amen

Jesus, my Spiritual Valium

 Jesus, Only Jesus

Who has the power to raise the dead?
Who can save us from our sin?
He is our hope, our righteousness
Jesus, only Jesus

Who can make the blind to see?
Who holds the keys that set us free?
He paid it all to bring us peace
Jesus, only Jesus

Holy, King almighty Lord
Saints and angels all adore
I join with them and bow before
Jesus, only Jesus

Who can command the highest praise?
Who has the name above all names?
You stand alone, I stand amazed
Jesus, only Jesus

You will command the highest praise!
Yours is the name above all names!
You stand alone, I stand amazed
Jesus, only Jesus!
Jesus, only Jesus!

This song melts me. It's like Spiritual Valium that settles my soul. Have you ever just been soooo busy that you feel like you have been turned into a remote controlled toy? You are being turned here and there, front, back, to the right then a quick turn to the left. Sometimes it's not even that I am "soooo busy" but more like I just don't ever stop. Day after day, it's the same thing, over and over and I just "go." And then, the battery runs out or you crash. All play stops! 
The market was not the only thing that crashed in 2008.....I did. My battery died and I crashed. "Life" controlled me. If I must "choose today whom I will serve", then I need to be the one in control so I can choose for myself how and what I want to spend my day doing what it is that God calls me to do. 
It's at the name of Jesus, only Jesus that slows me down (even though it fires me up at the same time!!). It's His glory in the breathtaking sunrise or sunset. Or the intricate details of a newborn baby, a flower or mountain range, the rolling storms and the sound of laughter that follows tears. Those God moments you experience studying His Word, or hear in a sermon or divinely timed conversation with a friend that leaves you standing amazed. A heart transformed and the lost-saved. The sick-healed. The desperate-satisfied. The Name of Jesus ushers in a peace that surpasses understanding, a comfort that holds you together when you feel like you are falling apart. It is the Name of Jesus that sets us free...it's Jesus, only Jesus. 
Satan knows that if he can stress us out, keep us busy or create in us a sense of hopelessness, then he begins to take control. But, if we put on the armor and keep in control, we can stand against the schemes of the enemy. Ephesians 6 encourages us..."Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places." 

One of the benefits of moving is that you have no choice but to stop doing what you are doing and change the way you do things. However, if you don't stop and think about the why you do certain things, you will continue to do the same things and hand your remote over to "life" and it will control you in the new place too. I have had to put on my armor daily and really keep my heart and mind focused on what it is God wants me to so "life" doesn't fill my day with Martha lists, but that I am able to choose a Mary heart and serve and love as He leads me. 
May it be Your name, Jesus, that leads me, saves me, protects me, sustains me, heals me, comforts me. There is no greater Name. There is no greater Way. Jesus, only Jesus. I stand amazed. You Lord God, deserve the highest praise! With a bowed knee and heart, I worship You, amen.

Who has the power to raise the dead? Who can save us from our sin? He is our hope, our righteousness....Jesus, only Jesus

Who can make the blind to see? Who holds the keys that set us free? He paid it all to bring us peace....Jesus, only Jesus

Holy, King almighty Lord. Saints and angels all adore. I join with them and bow before
Jesus, only Jesus

Who can command the highest praise? Who has the name above all names? You stand alone, I stand amazed....Jesus, only Jesus

You will command the highest praise! Yours is the name above all names! You stand alone, I stand amazed....Jesus, only Jesus! Jesus, only Jesus!

How do you dress-up to cover-up?

Does your external self (appearance, characteristics) dictate or identify the internal self (heart, soul, mind)? If you are like me, then you would have to admit that there are times when you secretly hope that it does cuz what's happening on the inside is a hot mess but if I can just put on the perfect looking outside, then everyone will think I am "perfect" on the inside too. That was soooo me and something I still fight against.
I have a friend who is what you'd say is "Cute as a button!" She has a cute hair cut, always rightfully dressed, a cheerful smile that lights up a whole room, is physically fit, she's tan to which her blue eyes just radiate and pierce you. She really is "cute as a button." But then she says, "I have big, flat, ugly feet!"as she slides her foot back. And then she says her hair is a mess. I think to myself, "Really?!? What mirror is she looking at? What in the world is she thinking?! She is b-e-a-u-t-i-f-u-l, inside and out!!" I don't see her ugly flat feet or messed up hair. I see a beautiful woman who is has a heart of gold, a heart that beats for her Lord, a spirit of passion and energy, a woman with fire under her soul to love and serve God and others purely, a woman of hospitality, a devoted wife and mother. I mean really......who's looking at her feet? Well, she is. 
Thankfully for this sweet friend, her identity is not wrapped up in her outward appearance, even though it's a close match in my opinion, gorgeous in and out. There is a difference in caring about how you look which we all should care about how we present ourselves physically and materially before others as mentioned in 2 Timothy 2:8-10 "I desire then that in every place the men should pray, lifting holy hands without anger or quarreling; likewise also that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire, but with what is proper for women who profess godliness--with good works." But it ought not identify us. 
For me, I have a long list of my attributes that I would have adjusted if I felt like it was okay for me to do, such as my nose, my ears, my eyes, my gut, my skin, my legs...just to name a few. Growing up as a young girl with severe cystic acne that kept me out of school for days at a time depending on the flare up or treatment days, (oh, and don't forget...with braces), my outward appearance was something I actually was shamed and embarrassed by. I would spend lots of time in front of the mirror, disgusted, trying to mask it, so I could look normal and be accepted by others. Surely if my appearance was less than, they would see me as less than. It sounds ridiculous to say that now as an adult, because I know that is not true; however, for a teen girl who already feels insecure and inadequate, having to then deal with the outward imperfections could only draw attention to my internal weaknesses and imperfections. So, I believed and here, the cover up began. I concerned myself with dressing up the outward to compensate and distract from what was underneath, which was a physical and emotional mess. I only allowed myself to be "real" at home where I was safe from the judgement of others. No wonder I was a home-body! 
I lived under that assumption for many, many years and to this day, I have to guard myself against going back to thinking those same, irrational thoughts. Our outside certainly does not define our inside. It certainly may affect me, but it certainly does not define me! 1 Samuel 16:7 reminds us that God looks at our hearts. "But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the LORD sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the LORD looks on the heart." 
There are always going to be the few Joan Rivers types that pick apart everyone. Some people are just very critical of others' intentions or looks. I am sure there is someone out there that could detail every blemish of my beautiful friend that I do not see, cuz they have judging eyes. And same for me, I could find someone to verify my imperfections. But when we seek to see as God sees, we see people's hearts, just as He does. Big nose, flat feet, pimples, scars, lumpy thighs are not what God is judging or identifying me by. 
Now, I live in freedom from that bondage of judgement and worry. My identity has been identified and found in Christ. I am not consumed by portraying my identity anymore, but rather hoping my heart portrays my identity, who I am in Christ, the real me! A bad hair day and a huge pimple on my face definitely puts a damper on my day, but it no longer rules me. I am so very thankful for friends who encourage me in being real from the inside-out. I no longer need to hear "You are pretty." I need to hear, "You are His!" and that's all that matters!!!!
Who I am in Christ is the real me, despite what I do or say. I can dress up and tell the world I am perfect or that I am a complete screw-up and both would be a lie. While I may feel that way, the truth is found in Christ: I am a new creation. I have His saving power and strength within my soul that fills in the gaps of my weaknesses. I was thought valuable enough to die for. I am redeemed and forgiven for all my sin. I may not love well, but I am loved very well! Regardless of who I say I am or what anyone else thinks I am, God sees my heart- the good, the bad and the ugly and yet He still claims me as His daughter forever. Wow! 
And bottom line...He gave His one and only Son, not to make me pretty, but so I could have a new heart and live forever and ever and ever with Him. I must be special cuz FOREVER is a loooooong time. 
The same is true for YOU!!!! You are special and worth dying for and the King of the Universe, the Creator of all things, wants to live with you for all eternity....not because you are pretty, but because your heart is His!!!! Ashes to ashes, heart to heart. 
(And for my sweet friend who thinks her feet and hair are messed up...you're wrong. You are beautiful head to toe, inside and out!!)
Thank You Lord, for Your grace is sufficient!!!!! There is none like You!!!!

"For God so loved the world, that He gave His only Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through Him. " 

John 3:16-17