The No More Fear Flight Plan

I had the opportunity to share some of my testimony recently, so I thought I'd share it here too. I hadn't really thought about this particular week from my healing journey in a long time. It was one of many lessons God had for me during this season. I share it now with you (as is true of this blog as a whole) in hopes that someone out here in cyber world would be encouraged to see that if they find themself just living life, they will call upon Love to restore in them the joy of their salvation! (Psalm 51:12)

There came a day in the Winter of 2008 after an onset of panic attacks that came out of no where. Without going through the whole story, know this: I declared I would never fly again even though I had many miles under my belt. It was through lots and lots of prayers, healing and work of grace that brought me to the day I took that declaration back. I was not going to let Satan take this from me. We planned a flight. I knew I had to fly to do ministry. With family only a 45 minute flight away, we decided to take this quick flight in hopes I didn't die or jump out of the plane. Yes, my husband accompanied me! I could not have done it alone. This would be my No More Fear Flight. We planned to stay long enough to have lunch with some family and return home hours later. 

Anxiety had depleted me and the thought of flying again was my new Goliath. I wanted a heart like David, brave and courageous. I knew the enemy wanted to keep me chained to the ground, but I knew there would be ministry callings one day and flying would be the only way to do it. I finally determined to break free from this bondage, fight the good fight, to stand on the promises of my Savior, to love living free and break the chains fear had captured me with. I was ready to rise up and fight! 

The week to take this Fear No More flight had arrived. I had planned all week to study, memorize scriptures, exercise daily, cut out all caffeines and sugars, and be completely prepared for the flight. My check list was organized and plentiful of all I had to do to make sure the flight was a success. Hear all that "I" was going to accomplish?! Apparently He didn't see my plan as The Plan. I certainly didn't see His plan in that moment.

The very first morning of "the plan," I woke up with a fever (which I never get sick) and could barely function. I tried hard to study but my mind was so foggy and I had no mental energy...on the week I needed it the most. I was being overcome by the anxiety I was set to defeat. I needed and planned and prepared for NO anxiety. That was supposed to be The Plan! Apparently HE had other plans.

For the next 3 days, it was the same thing...I was stuck in bed, miserable and more anxious. How was I going to have a successful flight? How was I not going to have a full out panic attack on the plane and potentially have a heart attack? I had planned hard for this week and it was not going according to the plan!! Finally, the day before the flight I woke up without any symptoms. Yah, weird, but so goes spiritual warfare...it's weird and not always so obvious I might add.

The next morning came and I jumped straight up out of bed fever free, knowing that I had MUCH to do to catch up on The Plan to take down Goliath...sooo much studying to make up for and prayers to pray, salads to eat and vitamins to take. Time to play catch-up. How was I going to do this?!? 

Then, I heard in my spirit, "Lay back down." Very funny Satan....haha, there was NO WAY I was going to lay back down, are you kidding me?! I had so much to do!! 

I started to get out of bed a second time. And the voice repeated, "Lay back down." Ummmm, don't think so. But I couldn't shake that maybe, just maybe it was the Holy Spirit. I prayed asking for discernemnt if this was Satan tempting me to hinder me or was this really God? It only made sense that it was Satan not wanting me to get out of bed. I needed to do my things, work the plan and I needed to get up and meet with God asap. I sat there for a moment to listen...I stopped fighting the possibility it could be The Lord, but why...my spirit confirmed it was God even though it made no sense at all. I laid back down....and I prayed....waiting for something...I didn't know what I was waiting for. At first, I was a little huffy....It was as if I was tapping my spiritual foot on the floor anxiously anticipating an explanation of why I was here and not over there getting stuff done. There may have even been an eye roll as I yanked the covers back over my chest. I had no clue and honestly, I felt frustrated wasting my time laying there, waiting.

So, I finally just asked God, "Why am I supposed to do now? Why am I here when I need to be getting myself ready for tomorrow?" What do you want to say? After a short Holy pause, He spoke..."I won't drop you." 

It was and still remains one of the most profound moments of my life. It was more than assurance of a panic free, non-crashing, non-freaking out flight, but as a whole, God is with me, He is near, He is not going to fail me. He won't drop me. This was His Plan. He was my Way. He was My Refuge and Strength, He was my Answer. He was my sanity. He was my Calm.

I actually laid there in a Holy Hush and realized that I had been relying on myself, and not on God. I was numb to hope because I had lost it. I was so controlling because I thought my success was all up to me and my efforts and ability to break the chains and push through. I had placed my hope and success in the fruits of my own efforts.

Later that afternoon I met with my Mentor and didn't share immediately with her about this encounter that morning. I was still processing it honestly. Letting go of control is not easily done for someone who plans out of fear of failure. She had a song she wanted me to listen to, Your Grace is Enough. Grace, God's Amazing Grace!! She made me stand up with arms to my side and she placed her hands on my shoulders, then my back, then stood square infront of me and spoke the Scriptures over me, "You need not fight, for He fights for you. He will never leave you or forsake you. He restores your soul and goes before you. You are a conqueror." It was actually the first time someone had actually prayed over me, specifically me.

It was His grace I had become numb to. I was numb to His unconditional Love. I had planned enough to not need grace. There I sat, with no plans. All I had was Grace. This moment of surrendered works transformed my heart to surrendering to a Savior's instead of self. She reminded me of the Grace of God that is dependable, trustworthy and sufficient. (2 Corinthians 12:9) Could I depend on Grace to carry me wherever I needed to go? Well, that was The real Plan!!!!

I was still nervous, and felt vulnerable to failure, but my hope was ignited, my anxious mind was calmed. I felt cared for and valued for the first time in a long time. Was God really that forgiving? Would He really show up for me even though I was so sassy to Him that morning?

Yes He sure did. He is a trustworthy God of mercy and compassion. No panic, no crash, no bondage! Grace took down Goliath, not me, lest I boast...I am weak, but He is strong.
This began a new journey for me of trust, grace and pure love. I walked through each day feeling less and less numb. My heart was filled with hope knowing God has plans I can't see yet but I trust Him and by grace, He will take care of me. My joy grew one breath at a time. True Love began filling my soul again. Love became my purpose and defined my value.
Love lifted me. Love carried me. Love helped me live!! I love living life with Love!!!!! Now, I live my days on purpose. 

What about you? What has you living numb? Oh how I pray this is touching your soul to movement. The enemy wants you grounded. But God, He wants you Lifted! Not every day is a rainbow-bright kind of day, but every day, if we choose, is a day of grace and love. To give it and receive it. Feeling numb to life is a place Satan would love for you to stay but Christ has come to set the captives free! Fight back against this and live fully. Some days and seasons will be hard but we only need to trust Grace. On this earth, we will have troubles but on this Earth, we are not separated from Power enough to break chains and kill Goliaths as young David did. He lives in us. We are not alone and unnecessary. We have been created for a purpose only we can fulfill. 

I pray that if you can relate and you feel numb to life, that you will be encouraged knowing that you are not alone, God is near and He will supply for you out of His riches (Ephesians 3) all that you need because His grace us sufficient for you!!! 

We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; 2 Corinthians 4:8

Do not let Satan steal your joy! It might be time for you to simply lay back down and trust. Trust He is with you. Trust He won't drop you. Or, for you, He might be saying Get your booty outa bed and move towards Me! It's time!! No matter where you find yourself fretting, felling numb and or overwhelmed, fix your eyes on the Lord, and seek first, His Kingdom Plan!!!!! 

(Matthew 6:33) My soul is lifted up and the grace of God grants me hope, faith and love that guards my mind and my heart from becoming numb to life and love. I pray this will be true for you too!! Bless your heart and soul in Jesus' Holy Hushing Name!!!!!!
His Grace is sufficient! Hugs and Hope!

May this be our prayer, Psalm 25 .....

"In you, LORD my God, I put my trust. 

I trust in you; do not let me be put to shame, nor let my enemies triumph over me. 

No one who hopes in you will ever be put to shame, but shame will come on those who are treacherous without cause. 

Show me your ways, LORD, teach me your paths. 

Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long. 

Remember, LORD, your great mercy and love, for they are from of old. 

Do not remember the sins of my youth and my rebellious ways; according to your love remember me, for you, LORD, are good. 

Good and upright is the LORD; therefore he instructs sinners in his ways. 

He guides the humble in what is right and teaches them his way. 

All the ways of the LORD are loving and faithful toward those who keep the demands of his covenant. 

For the sake of your name, LORD, forgive my iniquity, though it is great. 

Who, then, are those who fear the LORD? He will instruct them in the ways they should choose. 

They will spend their days in prosperity, and their descendants will inherit the land. 

The LORD confides in those who fear him; he makes his covenant known to them. 

My eyes are ever on the LORD, for only he will release my feet from the snare. 

Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted. 

Relieve the troubles of my heart and free me from my anguish. 

Look on my affliction and my distress and take away all my sins. 

See how numerous are my enemies and how fiercely they hate me! 

Guard my life and rescue me; do not let me be put to shame, for I take refuge in you. 

May integrity and uprightness protect me, because my hope, LORD, is in you. 

Deliver Israel, O God, from all their troubles!" 

AMEN!!!

Goliath Flight 2009

Do you have "just enough?"

This is probably one of my favorite times in my day. It's dark outside (although the recent Harvest Full Moon was a GIANT spot light in the sky), the kids are in bed, the house is cleaned up and ready for the morning and it's time to walk the dogs. I grumbled at the first realization that I would have to walk the dogs several times a day, including at 5am and 10pm, because of the house we are living in...it doesn't have a fenced in yard, and it is all coral rock. For our oldest pup's whole 14 years of living and wandering, she has had the freedom to let herself out and return upon her leisure...until now. Now, Mama has to go too. Like I said, I grumbled at first, yet here I am acknowledging it to be such a sweet time for me.
It's so quiet here and dark. No street lights. No busy road. Nothing to be careful about except for critters in the road. The evenings always provide such a nice cool breeze and a beautiful stillness. I can hear the wrestling of the wind through the palms and the lightening bugs seemingly dance along the treeline near me, lighting the way. I do want to have a light with me so I utilize the small one on my cell. It's just enough to check for critter-eyes along the way and keep an eye on the pups.
Every now and then my husband will join me and he brings out his "real" flashlight. That thing can read signs at the very end of our street. It's soooo bright!! You definitely can see more with a greater light. I felt my heart and spirit began to stir as I pondered this thought. A stronger light, shines brighter. A dim light is just enough to get by....
Our women's Bible Study was discussing this exact thing this week, about God's Light shining through us and being a light in the darkness. The more we draw near to God and absorb His Light into our heart, the greater our Light to shine in the darkness. Even though my small cell light gives off just enough light to see right in front of me, in my small square foot, the "real" higher wattage Light, reveals much more of what is before me and around me and it even covers enough of the path that multiple people can clearly see "the way." It is brighter and clearer, and definitetly able to reach further. It is more than enough for what I need.
This is exactly how I feel when I have drawn nearer to the Lord, my "real" Light. He shines brighter and more clearly in the darkness. Those times I have slipped away from Him, I find myself with just enough to see right where I am standing, but no further. And my little light is just enough for me, and really of no use to benefit someone else.
I don't know about you, but when I am in a spiritual and emotional "funk" I am okay with "just enough." Until I start tripping over myself, exhausting from always having to keep checking all around, frustrated cuz I can't see...But, when I am drawn back into intimacy with my sweet Savior, I can see more than! I can see with more clarity. I can see further. I can see reflections I never would have otherwise never seen with a dim light and I get to share the Light with many others standing nearby! When I am fed up and done with having "just enough," and I experience the "real" Light, I wonder what in the world was I thinking just being okay with "just enough?!?"
If you are feeling like you have "just enough" and you have learned to adjust to it, and accept it as "just enough is good enough," I would encourage you and even challenge you to ask God to light your fire. Ask the Holy Spirit to began a movement of friction in you that gets your fire burning again, so that you can see further past where you are in the midst of your darkness. Ask Him to bring others alongside your path to shine The Way towards Him. May you no longer be satisfied with "just enough" and begin to desire a "real" Light to see further past your current circumstances and get out of your "funk." And if you are reading this and you are not in a "funk", may I beg you to ask God where He wants you to shine your light for someone else? You are a city on a hill and a beacon for the lost and weary. Please shine for us.

Thank You Sweet Savior for Your Penetrating and Satisfying Light. You sustain us on our path. Please forgive us when we choose to quench your Light. Lord, it's so easy to burn out in a dry and weary land, and yet, You are faithful to lead, provide and shelter us in the shadow of Your wings. When we cannot see, help us to remember that You do. Help us draw back to You and recharge our Light so that we can see where it is we are headed and lead us clearly on the right path again. Help us not settle for "just enough." Help us remember that You are a God of More Than Enough!!
Thank You Lord for those who share their Light. Sustain them and bless them. God, stir in us once again, the embers of Your fire and may we be consumed once again by Your Light. You are a consuming fire. Consume our darkness. Light our way. Show us how we can share Your "real" Light for others too. Thank You Sweet, Gracious Savior, amen.

Matthew 5:14-16 "You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven."

Will You Take the Bait?

"Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour." 1 Peter 5:8

Well, I finally had a glimpse of what it feels like to "prowl around like a lion, seeking someone to devour." I went fishing for the first time on our boat. Years ago, we went on a fishing charter where everything was done for you on the boat and all you had to do was cast...which we got nothing anyway. But, this weekend, the family went out and we did it all on our own. We chummed the water, baited our own hooks and began the cast and wait routine. The prowling....and waiting. 
Down here in the Keys, being on the water is gorgeous. Eventhough I wanted food on the table, and for the kids to catch it themselves, just the scenery alone was worth the hanging out on the boat all that time just to enjoy the turtles, corals, the landscapes and array of other fish we got to enjoy. It was a lovely day out, fish or no fish, but...it was quit the "hunting" experience.
We had learned that in order to draw the fish, you bag some chum and mix in the oatmeal which will camouflage your waiting hooks. We would shake the bag now and then, set new hooks and bait, and wait. We watched and waited patiently, scanning the area for what was coming next. The fish probably assumed "Wow, how wonderful, and new, and easy....look at this delightful treat bag." And we were up top assuming they would fall for our bait. We were luring them in by what they wanted most- fresh, free food. We just waited. Little by little, we chummed the water, sat still and silent and waited. We waited for "someone" to take the bait.
I was reminded of 1 Peter 5:8. Isn't that what Satan does to us? He chums our waters, makes it look good, waits patiently, sitting still while we swim around trying to decide if we will take a nibble as he draws us in...only for us to eventually get hooked?! He is clever. 
What draws you in? What type of bait gets you curious, or tempted enough, to come a little closer in, and maybe, possibly, even attempt a nibble.....just once? Just like each fish has it's own type of bait-mix, so do we. The temptation-mix that catches our attention and lures us in is as diverse as all of us are. None are the same. What hooks you, may not be what hooks me. You can't help but notice all the thousands of lures in any bait shop, big or small, you can choose from to bait (and catch) just the right fish. Imagine the schemes of the devil...they are just as plentiful. 
Next time the waters around you get a little cloudy, "...be watchful!!! Your adversary the devil, prowls around...seeking someone to devour." Remember, God CLEARS our water and Satan CHUMS our water. 

"Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil."

Ephesians 6:11

Do you "get it?!" I sooooo want you to!!

"Therefore, as you received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in him, 7 rooted and built up in him and established in the faith, just as you were taught, abounding in thanksgiving. 8 See to it that no one takes you captive by philosophy and empty deceit, according to human tradition, according to the elemental spirits of the world, and not according to Christ. 9 For in him the whole fullness of deity dwells bodily, 10 and you have been filled in him, who is the head of all rule and authority. 11 In him also you were circumcised with a circumcision made without hands, by putting off the body of the flesh, by the circumcision of Christ, 12 having been buried with him in baptism, in which you were also raised with him through faith in the powerful working of God, who raised him from the dead. 13And you, who were dead in your trespasses and the uncircumcision of your flesh, God made alive together with him, having forgiven us all our trespasses, 14 by canceling the record of debt that stood against us with its legal demands. This he set aside, nailing it to the cross. 15 He disarmed the rulers and authorities and put them to open shame, by triumphing over them in him." 

Colossians 2: 6-15

This morning, I grabbed my camera as I headed out the door to take the kids to school thinking I might stop by a nearby beach and "play" with my camera. What a beautiful place to play!! How can I share with you the beauty of that moment? I was intentional with my angle's trying to get the best shot, showing the most of the scenery, the everchanging view of the skies. A storm seemed to be brewing in the short amount of time I was out there on the pier. Within 15 minutes a double arc rainbow appeared, a cool breeze began to blow, and the textures and colors shifted intensely around me, in every direction, enhancing the gorgeousness of the moment. It was breathtaking and awes-inspiring.

My sweet friend called me when I was in the middle of taking in these moments and though I described all the colors, sounds and movement of the world around me...in that moment I have no doubt she could not have understood exactly what I was experiencing. It wasn't real for her. If she had "gotten it", she would have been jaw-dropping-speechless on the other end of the line. I couldn't do it justice and I soooo wanted her to "see" this. I wanted it to be real for her too.

As I posted these pics for family and friends to "get it", these 2D imagines, even  with my descriptive words, could not come close to the real life experience, personally experiencing it for themselves. I did all I could to share it, but until they come for a visit and stand in the sands with me, they won't be able to fully experience it...personally. It has to be their personal experience to be real for them.

This is true in our relationship with God too. We cannot simply read about Him, hear other's descriptions of Him and fully "get it." We cannot experience God through others but we can imagine God because of others. 

We can imagine in our head what peace must feel like in the midst of chaos, what unconditional love must be like despite the world's conditions, what unspeakable joy must feel like in the midst of despair and heartache. You must experience God Himself, for yourself to know Him and "get it." Get it? 

May you, too, personally experience the amazing Creator of all Creation! He is glorious and the joy of my soul. He is the peace in my storms and the strength in my weakness. He is my Rescue and Redeemer. He is my greatest Love!!!! I pray that through my personal testimony and sharing of Who He is to me, that you too, will come to fully know and experience Him for yourself and "get it"! 

Our God is an awesome God!!! 

Expanding Boundaries: Our Move to Paradise

Josh and I have been married for going on 22 years and many conversations surround the idea of "Would you ever...." or "Wouldn't it be awesome to move to (blank) and live there for a few years?" For years, we have desired to make a big move and take an adventure living on the beach or in the mountains. But for many reasons, we never did. We just dreamed it. Maybe ultimately it just wasn't time yet. Occasionally throughout the years, we would go look at new developments or Open Houses but each time, it never felt right. But God was stirring in us "a move." As much as we wanted to, we didn't want to. We are comfy people who like to be comfy!
Over 10 years ago, Josh applied for a youth ministry job in New Braunfels and that was a daring move in our minds, but by faith we went. The thought of moving out of town seemed too big for Mr & Mrs Comfortable. Then, over the past 2 years specifically, we have been looking for property in a nearby town but nothing ever felt right. It would have been a small move with little change to our lives other than new schools for the kids which we were hoping for. A year or so later, our church announced a new church plant up north from us in another town we like to visit, on the lake. That would be a little bit bigger of a move north but we weren't sure and yet we began looking at houses, seriously this time, not curiously. 
There are 3 other places we always tease about one day, packing it up and moving big. Back in the day (as recent as July 4th of this year) our hearts raced thinking about, dreaming about, "Wouldn't it be awesome to...move to New Braunfels!?" The other place is a small town in New Mexico, or maybe even Colorado! To experience 4 real seasons sounds dreamy! We love the mountains in any season and we love the water- river, lake and beach. Another location we love is the Florida, but that is soooo far and a much bigger move and would be a long shot.
Unlike the younger years when we didn't have kids to think about, that would have been a perfect time to travel, but neither of us had money to do that and at the time, we were young marrieds actively involved in youth ministry at our church and were excited to just start living life at home as the new Mr and Mrs. Now, every decision is first covered in prayer, of course and then we have to consider the family of 6. What about a local church, schooling, the finances, the environment, the distance from medical help, etc.
Our life seemed to shift over this past year and it's almost like crashing waves before the flood. We continuously felt "hit" and felt like the sands under our feet were sinking, and we no longer could get out, and the waters began to rise. We were taking on water. It was then our hearts began to stir at the end of June this year and we felt like God was about to step in and something big was about to happen. And He did. He said, "pack it up and go." We didn't know where or when or if really we would. We prayed fervently for God to show us and give us clarity either way. Practically, it made sense that it would be now, because we have a Senior in the house and it was literally our last chance as a family of 6 to take this family adventure together before we are a family of 5 living together. Spiritually, it made sense cuz we were sinking.
So we prayed (and I began the purging the closets...just incase). We already had a vacation planned for the July 4th weekend in New Braunfels and we "figured" "THAT MUST BE IT!!!" HOW EXCITING!!!! For over 10 years we have served alongside a church there and "figured" that's where we will go. We began looking for houses and made an appointment for 1 tour during our visit. Everyone was eager to get there and we discussed (and prayed) what life would be like there, which church would we join, how it would affect work, our business, our family, our friends, schooling for the kids, cost of living, etc. It would be a bigger move than staying local, but it wasn't too big of a move only being a 3 hour drive away from Houston life, work, family, friends.
The Sunday before we left, Josh woke up and said, "I think we are supposed to move to The Keys." I seriously rolled my eyes and said, "Whatever." He looked at me and and I realized he wasn't joking. I still said, "No Way!" Churches? Hurricanes? Flooding? Sharks? Distance from mainland? Distance from family and friends? NO WAY!!!! He told me to at least pray about it and there was a part of me that wondered if he was just going for one of his dramatic moments and kidding around with me cuz he knew I would be freaked out only to come back with his "just kidding Babe." Ha. Ha...not funny. But I said I would pray, and I did. God, we know You are calling us to pack up and go but we want to be very clear about where. We want to follow where YOU want us to go and not Josh's plan, or mine. Show us and make it crystal clear, give us unity and give me peace especially, that I may not fear this change. We choose to follow You and trust You. Believing You will provide, amen.
I woke up Monday morning and had an excitement in my spirit, about moving...further than 20 min away...further than 2 hours north, further than 3 hours west...further than 16 hours away....all the way to The Keys...24 hours away (driving straight thru!). I was shocked. I shocked myself. I was shocked by God...."really God? The Keys?!? Soooooo far away?!?" We already had the plans for that upcoming July 4th weekend, so we eagerly anticipated some type of closure or clarity. We called and confirmed our appointment with the house the following day and all was good to go. I was hoping God would indeed confirm this was our place. 
The next morning, we loaded up the car and about an hour into the drive there, the realtor called and cancelled our appointment. The owners decided not to move. Wow....okay. Bummer. The drive only got worse when the freeway was shut down and we sat rolling at 10mph for hours only to detour and our 3 hour drive became a 6 hour drive. Everyone was grumpy and tired and yet, we still had our original plans to hang with our wonderful friends! We also couldn't wait to attend "our church" and wouldn't ya know, the Pastor was on vacation, guest Preacher was there, and he spoke about being brave and making moves that God calls you to. Alrighty, 3 strikes, we were out and a word of encouragement to make a big move. God was very clear. While sitting there on their gorgeous porch sipping coffee, in a town we'd love to have called our new home, we booked airline tickets to The Keys, to get our feet and hearts on the ground to pray and confirm what we felt was already set in stone. Surprisingly to me, The Keys didn't seem so terrifying that morning. COUld it really be Paradise over Panic?!? 
The very next week, the kids already had planned a vacation with family in Austin and would be gone, so we flew for our 48 hour confirmation time with the Lord. We flew into Key West and began our search. I will blog next time about God's "more than"  and all His confirmations from the moment we landed, but for now, where we are. Our first stop was Sugarloaf Baptist Church which the Pastor happened to be there and he blessed us with prayer and encouragement to keep moving forward by faith. Bless my heart! Thankfully, joy and anticipation overcame my fear and anxiety. I know most people won't understand that, this is The Keys and Paradise, however, it can also be a huge sense of anxiety for the above mentioned reasons. But there was peace, like a river...or a Key's Beach!!!
We fell in love with this place and Islamorada is now our new home for the year. We thought we would be in the lower keys, but this is it! We had a hard time finding a place which I will blog that part of the journey next time, and we wondered what God would do, and we were fine living in a campground if that's what He was calling us to humble ourselves to do. But, God has "more than" and we are beyond blessed to call this place our home. It's half the size of our last house but it has been perfect for us!! 
We skyped the kids and told them this was it, and they were excited! There was much to do in such a short period of time since the schools here began Aug 18th, a week earlier than Houston schools and they would need to all be registered! Josh met with his boss and explained that we would be moving for the year and was asking for approval to keep his job, we met with church leaders and let them know we would not be able to lead this coming year, and we told family members, friends and our LifeGroup. We are charter members at our church (going on 12 years there) and love every person. We would have loved to have hugged each one good bye (see ya later) but there wasn't a way to do that and we also didn't want to make a big deal about our move. We also didn't want to risk a bragging perception that we were "living the dream and moving to Paradise." Yes, it is true, but it's not exactly this grand adventure of fun. We are not growing a crazy wild hair and picking up to go do something crazy!! This comes with much prayer and concern. That being said, of course...It is a grand move. It is going to be an adventure. It is going to be fun. But it is also coming with a big price...leaving our comfort zones, missing our family, church family and friends, a comfortable life, a safe life, a familiar life, adjusting to a new life, a new culture, new schools, etc. The main thing we have to change which is not a price to pay in a negative way, is renewing our walk with the Lord. We have been uprooted, taken out of our comfort zones and placed in this remote place to seek a near God, to be more desperate on the shores of faith, seeking our faithful God and Father!
We must use this time to reprioritize our priorities. We recognize we must put God back as our first love and do intentional discipleship within each of our own hearts and souls. We must break old habits and well-oiled tendencies and give God all our hearts, our souls and our minds, and walk in such a way that pleases Him, and not negotiates with Him. We must focus on ministering to our own family. That doesn't mean we won't be ministering to others. We have a great love for ministering to others but we need to keep our priorities right: God, family, others. 
We had found ourselves depleting ourselves to others and not having anything left to minister to our own family. This year we know God will be teaching us how to do this right. It's going to be work as we have to break old habits. It's hard to make changes and yet it's necessary. Pruning hurts for the moment but in the end, it's fruitful. We want to be fruitful!
We must first love Him as our personal Lord with all our hearts. We must train up our children in the way they should go. We must not forsake fellowship of The Body and we must serve and love others. Mom and Dad must lead in this example. If we don't share, the kids won't share. If we don't serve, the kids won't serve. If we don't worship, the kids won't worship. As parents, our first mission field is our family. Second is the church. Third is the world. But it must start with us loving God, as our personal Lord and Savior just as He has called us to.  "And now, Israel, what does the LORD your God require of you, but to fear the LORD your God,to walk in all His ways, to love Him, to serve the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul, and to keep the commandments and statutes of the LORD, which I am commanding you today for your good?." Deuteronomy 10:12-13. 
Our journey starts with Love. Continues with Love. Ends with Love.
We serve a very patient and loving God who meets us right where we are!! He knew I needed baby steps and He has patiently and faithfully and tenderly walked with me through each one. And here I am, yes, surrounded by Peace and Paradise and not by panic, praise the Lord Almighty, moving to a place I didn't think I would or could ever truly live. Wow. To see how He has laid out a foundation for us in which we are able to courageously walk it's length and depth where He has parted our waters for us to walk through to solid ground.
I don't know how long we will be there, I just know this is where He has led us. Our Home will always and forever be in a place called Paradise.
What are your boundaries? Your can'ts or wont's? Your wishes and dreams? Where in your life is God giving you opportunities to expand your boundaries? Where in your own life is He stretching you outside your comfort zone? Are you living practically or faithfully? 
Trust me, there is peace when you trust. If we live a practical life, we will have practical results. If we live a faithful life, we will have GREATER faith! That doesn't mean it will be easy. It does means you will have peace. I could go on about the faithfulness of God but I will stop here and say, "Love Him first!! Seek first, the kingdom of God...and remember that He works all things for good!" 

"Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. Do not quench the Spirit." 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Why are you moving? What's your story?

We all have a story to tell. Do you ever think about "your story?" I know I don't find it a common thing to sit around and think about my life, who I am, why I do what I do, think the way I think...until someone asks me.
Our family recently moved, and without fail, every person we meet asks us the same question, "So, why did you move here? What brought you here?" In the beginning of this journey, it was overwhelming and there were so many things that led up to our move across the states, out to the middle of the ocean (as my Mom says.) As we look back now, we can see the many ways God was preparing us for such a time as this. But when God first said, "Go", it was overwhelming and hard to explain all the circumstances and "signs" and affirmations we were given to go. 
In those first few weeks when people would ask us "why are you moving?" we explained the best we could put our own words to, the how of our move, and some of our why. It was overwhelming equally for us yet there was such an urgency (aka:time crunch) to go that there wasn't a lot of time to sit and doubt, question, second guess or fear (which we often tend to do). The call was clear to both of us and to our 4 kids. That in itself is a miracle!! It's not too often you get everyone on board with something, especially something so "radical." We would fumble through trying to explain this crazy "idea" and found "the story" thrilling and daring, exhausting and exhilarating all at the same time. All we knew was that we knew we had to go.
After explaining it time after time to family and friends the best we could, the story got shorter and shorter. We realized how crazy it must sound to others, and yet the reality of it to us, made sense...kind of. It's often hard to express the ways and whys of God's moving in our hearts and spirits, but ya know that ya know what He is telling you to do when you are intentionally and desperately asking Him. Ask, Seek, Knock!! Each time we shared, we were hearing it for ourselves too. It's almost like God wanted us to really hear what was happening in our own lives, in our own words, so that it could sink in. 
The story we told began to take less time to tell because we realized the bottom line was that we didn't fully understand why God was asking us to make such a big move (in our little world anyway). And yet, we did. He knew that for many years it was our heart's desire to take a family adventure and live for a short period of time somewhere we loved to travel to. And here we were, headed out on such an Adventure! We didn't know how God was going to move and provide for us, but we knew He would. Bottom line, God was saying "Now is the time. Go."
Within a few short weeks, we were packed up and on the road with a moving truck, 4 kids and 2 dogs, and tons of snacks, and even more prayers (and might I add amazing prayers and encouragements from soooo many we love!!!!)! After 3 days of travel, we arrived! 
When locals greet us, it is same question, "Why?" The answer is easy, short and sweet...God moved us here. It is a time of adventure and a time of healing/rebuilding/reconnecting. He has graced us over time and revealed to us some of the whys in each of our lives individually and as a family unit why we needed such an uprooting. We were comfortable and in control and a bit lazy and neglectful in our first calling of ministry which was to our own family, in our own strength (warning flag), to walk according to what we knew was right, only to find that we were on sinking sand (a term I now understand...)
We knew from the beginning that God was calling us to a harvest pruning and we needed new soil to regenerate new, healthier roots. Much like an addict who sometimes needs to leave where they are at, refocus, relearn, break old habits and establish new ones before they can return back home, clean and strong, we felt we had gotten to the same point that we were self destructing on the inside and God drew a line in the sand and said "Let's go. Follow Me."
No, I don't think that you have to literally move to reconnect and refocus on the Lord. We all face seasons of pruning and planting and harvesting right where we are, and we have been doing this for almost 30 years in Texas. This is also a time of Adventure, yes, but it comes at a time of necessary pruning. God certainly has our attention as He answers an old heart's desire while rebuilding another which is to more glorify and honor Him in all we say, think and do. Again, I could go on and on, and maybe another blog later, but for hundreds of reasons we surely can't fully know, He said, "Get up and go."
So where did we go? I will share in the next blog how God revealed to us where we needed to go, and we are humbled and grateful to be spending our year here in a land far, far away!
So why am I sharing this with you? I share all of this to get you to consider your own story. Why are you doing what you are doing? Why are you where you are at? Why do you do what you do? Is there anything in your life or family you know you should be doing but aren't? Are you intentionally asking God, who created your life plan in the first place, to lead you or are you trying to make it your own? The answer seems so simple until you stop and consider the answers physically, emotionally and spiritually of who and what you are. You are living out "your story." How would you explain it? 
I am one of those people who absolutely love to hear other people's stories and why they are where they are in each of those areas. Moving to a new place and meeting new people certainly gives you that opportunity! But, it's a whole other thing to have to share your own. I am so thankful for each time someone asks me now, "why are you here?" because I get to tell them the wonderful story of grace that God has written. 
You know, someone needs to hear your story too! You were created specifically for now, where you are physically, emotionally and spiritually, to live today reflecting His Way! If we don't take the time to check out the fruit on our own land, how will we know when it's time to prune, replant, resoil?! If we don't "dream" how will we ever live a "dream?" God knows our desires and you never know why those desires may be there. Once day, you may live it! And when it's harvest time, and if you don't take notice, trust me, God will let you know!!!
May we live each day before our Lord and in the company and accountability of those He has placed around us, humbly, faithfully, honestly and lovingly as we reflect His Amazing Grace!

"Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, 13 bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. 14 And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. 15 And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. 16 Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. 17 And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him." Colossians 3:12-17

Happy 5 Year Anniversary Birthday to Me!!!

Happy 5 year Anniversary of Freedom to me!!!!! I never really used to focus on my bday, it was mostly for the kids~ cakes and cards, laughter and fun. But, birthdays should be celebrated, as we look back and ponder lessons learned over the past year and cherish memories made, and let go of past failures. As much as I "hated" that dreadful year, I celebrate what God had done to bring me to that place of nothing, so I could have everything!! 
For those who haven't followed me from the beginning, and don't know me, I went through a tough season, aka A Season of Hell, as I suffered with panic attacks, anxiety attacks and depression. It was incredibly tough and for those of you who have had one, or who also deal with anxiety, you know. My life at this point had to become very purposeful, guarded and intentional. There was a lot on the line, my marriage, my family, my reputation, my very life...my witness of who Christ was to me.
After TONS of testing, counseling, healing oils, new eating habits, vitamins, exercise, quiet times/meditations moments, research, breathing techniques and a very intentional prayer and scripture memory season, my thirst was once again quenched by The Living Water and my heart made healthy on feasting on my Daily Bread. The bondage of fear was lifted, the chains were broken and I was Free Indeed!!! I felt lighter, literally. Emotionally and Physically, the burden of pain that weighted my heart and soul nearly all my life, had been lifted. No longer did I live with the "What if (blank) happens?" and controlling fear. My entire life had filtered through, "What if."
I began that process in December 2008 and through every thing intentional- physically, emotionally and spiritually, God gave me freedom. And what a perfect time to declare it than on my birthday, that April 4, 2009! On my own, I had learned that what I had been doing was called exposure therapy. I went from fearing the planes flying overhead, declaring I would never fly again, to celebrating the step that I could actually go inside an airport again! My husband was floored when he walked out of the walkway to see me standing there, inside... at the gate with the kids to pick him up. It was a huge victory! It took a week of laps around the airport, looking at pictures, to get me there. Eventually, I flew short flights at first, even a little prop plane with 4 seats and I had to step up, on a ladder...on the wing just to get in it....oh my goodness that is a whole other story for another time!!!!!!....and lots of scripture cards in hand with oils all over me to get to that place. Since then, I have logged many miles with some more stressful than others, but praise God, I have risen above the clouds and to God be all the glory!!!
I also graduated to higher floors in the elevators and handled crowded places better and got back on a boat. So, I, being the list person I am, I set up the final test and we headed to Galveston for an overnight bday celebration! We stayed on the top floor, rode a boat, went under (and lingered through the anxiety till it stopped) a tunnel and stood with my toes touching the window, looking over out my window, on the edge! No panic or anxiety attack!!! WOW and AMEN!! I know this seems trivial and maybe even ridiculous to some but it's okay. Another thing I have had to learn is acceptance for where I am at any time on my journey in life, and letting go of the fear of judgement. My victory is not your victory. My milestones may be your landmarks and that's okay. I have come to accept and appreciate how we are all uniquely, "fearfully and wonderfully made" created for His purpose and glory.
So, here I am 5 years later, still with smaller thorns in my flesh but praise God, a flesh without chains!! I still have to live a very intentional life, even though I get lazy sometimes, I admit. But my heart desires to be pure before the Lord, my heart to encourage and minister to others is strong. It has been through this pruning and uprooting in my life that my strong-will is a blessing. I fight to be stronger, to be Proverbs wiser and sharper, to be healthier for His name sake and not my own. 
I will never forget that desperate December Day in 2008, crouched on the floor, when I gave myself over in absolute depletion to my God and uttered, "I can't do this anymore. I cannot live another day like this, in this pit alone without You. Please just bring me Home with You." Although I have many stories of moments like this where God revealed Himself to me, this one I will never forget. After months of void, He returned, my Shelter over me, my Shield and my Refuge, my Strength and my Hope, He returned. I felt like Job. "Please God, no more here. I just want You." He was always there. It was in that moment, I felt Him near and He spoke to me saying, "If you want to encourage others in my Name, how will you do it if you are not even here to do it?!" I sat frozen for a minute, it had been a long dry wilderness since I had felt Him and especially heard Him and this was a drenching rain on my dried out "soul." My reply back was, "But I have nothing anymore, I can't. If You want me to do it, then You have to help me and do it for me." And the healing journey began. 
I began moving forward and not backwards. That's right where He wants us, living on His breath, His strength, His wisdom. What I felt was the end of my life, was actually the beginning of really living! Oh the stories I could share and I pray that my blog has encompassed many of them. I blog to encourage and to remember, for myself and for others.
I no longer see myself as broken and shattered pieces. I have been made whole and am held together by the grace and mercy of my God. He is my glue. His Word is healing to my flesh. Without Him, I will fall apart and on those days I am lazy, my pieces begin to rattle and I am quickly reminded of my Glue and how I must guard it. I do not want to fall apart again. I do not want to leave open doors for satan to get a foot-hold, so I must live intentional, standing firm on the foundation of Christ, guarding my heart and mind and spirit in the Name of Jesus, and that victory is His! There are testings and prunings that will continue to shape me and test me to make me stronger, I have those as we all do. But I pray that these 5 years have at least taught me one thing, God never moves out of our reach. Like Peter in the boat, God grabbed his lifted hand before he sank. He is near to us just the same. He will never leave us of forsake us. I pray and confess my unbelief will be quickly redeemed and restored to active belief.
For the past 5 years, I now celebrate what has happened and say Thank You Lord, but I also look forward with hope and anticipation at what is next in every tomorrow as I live intentionally for every Today!! I don't want to go back to yester years. Me today knows the Lord better than ever before, loves Him more than ever before and looks forward to each day I breath in His grace than ever before. Not every day is blissful and full of roses, but every day God is God and that is my victory and joy!!!!! He is worth living for!
I still say "Better is one day in Your house than thousands elsewhere" Lord Jesus. You are my everything and my heart and hands lift to praise You alone, my All in All, my Prince of Peace and Mighty Healer, Provider, Protector, Abba Father, Caring  Friend and All Sufficient Savior. There is none like You, and I don't want anyone else but You. You are my Lord, my King, my God, my Refuge, my Redeemer, My Strength, My Everything!!! Amen.
Our encouragement from Romans 8:

"There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. 2 For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death. 3 For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do. By sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin, he condemned sin in the flesh, 4 in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit. 5 For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit. 6 For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace.
18 For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.
26 Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. 27 And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. 28 And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.
31 What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? 32 He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? 33 Who shall bring any charge against God's elect? It is God who justifies. 34 Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died--more than that, who was raised--who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us. 35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? 36 As it is written, "For your sake we are being killed all the day long; we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered." 37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, 39 nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord."