Having Self-Control to NOT be In Control

Sounds ridiculous doesn’t it?!? But I know that for those of you who may be struggling with letting go of being in control, that you totally understand that statement. For those of you who think you can control everything, well, this makes no sense and you’d probably say, “Just take control and let be what is to be.”

As a Mom, it is our job to be “in control” at all times, monitoring the house, monitoring the health of the home both physically and emotionally, supporting Dad with leading the spiritual health. We are to teach responsibility as we “train them up in the way they should go.” We are to help with their schooling, read and connect with their vulnerable hearts and wild little minds. We are to keep them focused on their value in Christ, assuring them they are infact “fearfully and wonderfully made” when the world crushes them and tells them they are worthless. It is us who set the tone of the house when sleepy and grumpy eyes don’t feel like waking up and going to school or work that day. It is our gentle answers that diffuse hormonal explosions. The list goes on.
But there comes a point where we have to “let go and let God.” There is only so much we can do. I would even say there is only so much we are supposed to do. 
Our children are not ours, “they are a gift from the Lord.” They are ultimately His and we are simply the trainers and care-givers for a short time. Only God can truly heal their heart from insecurity or pain, and it is my “job” to show how to lean into God’s love. Only God can give them value and strength therefore it is my “job” to show them the economy of God and that they are worth more than gold, they are worth dying for. Only God can give them confidence and endurance to walk through the days that feel like sinking sand. It is my “job” to show them how to fall into the arms of The One who will carry them through it.
All along I thought I was supposed to be the one that did all that for them. Have I taken the “job” of God?! My “job” is to train and display what it means to be Christlike. We are to reflect the glory of our Lord in all the we do and all that we are. But who is determining what that is? Me? Or God? Each of our “jobs” here on earth are for the glory of our Master and Supreme Authority. We are the display of Christ, His reflection, when our “light shines in the darkness” and as we “love one another” and “count others more significant than ourselves.” Is is not our “job” to light the wicks, but flame them. It is not our “job” to place value on others, it has already been determined on the Hill of Calvary. God is God, that’s His “job.” We are partakers of this great plan. How wonderful that even though God doesn’t need us to “get the job done”, but that He allows us see the Light and fruit of His glory, that we get to share in the blessings of His salvation and redemption. There is such a joy to see the hands of God do their “job” through ours. To see the fruit of our laboring with Him. We neither made the fruit or harvested it and yet we get to gather it and enjoy it. “Taste and see that the Lord is good!!!!”  
I don’t know who else out there needs this encouragement, or maybe gentle reminder as I have, but I promise you that when you “cast your burdens and anxieties on Him because He cares for you” and you rest knowing God “goes before you and holds everything together,” and when you remember that “In the beginning God…created” it all and saw that it was good, that “He is over all things present, past and future,” that our God is the One True God, the “Alpha and Omega and The Beginning and The End” of everything, and that “He has a plan to prosper you” in your “job” as a Mom/CareTaker, Wife/Spouse, CoWorker, Friend, Neighbor, Church Member, Volunteer…that He has given to you a spirit of peace that surpasses all understanding, love, joy, patience, gentleness, kindess, faithfulness and riches/resources too numerous to count for you to accomplish your “job.” You can trust Him, depend on Him and fall into His steadfast and loving care for every decision and every relationship that you must “work at.” 

It is too great a burden (“job”) to carry the weight of the world on our shoulders, our shoulders aren’t big enough. It is God’s job to be God and our “job” to serve Him in the working power of the love of Christ, with all our hearts, souls, minds and strength!!!
May we have self-control today to not be controlling, but rather that we would be an instrument to be used by God, who has absolute power and authority over and in all things!! 

Father God, Lord over All, take my hands and bind them to Yours. Fix my eyes on what You have before me. Cleanse my heart Lord and empty all that hinders it from being filled with You. Straighten my path so that I can follow You and not swerve to the left or right. Forgive me for those times when I step before You and think I can lead the way. Forgive me for those days I sloth behind You. Quicken and steady my pace to walk with You. God, You are The Alpha and Omega, The Beginning and End of all things, in my life and in all Creation. I acknowledge You are The Great I Am. Holy Spirit, remind me when I start thinking I am and turn my heart’s attention of being in control to He who is. Thank You Lord for Your grace, Your mercy, Your Love and Your patience. My knee is bowed. Please give me the confidence, endurance, strength, wisdom and discernment for every “job” that You have given me. May I hear the whipsers of the Holy Spirit who is monitoring me as I monitor those around me. I trust You. Thank You for carrying me and loving me like You do. Thank You for loving my child even more than I could ever! Let each of them know it and believe it too!!!! You are precious, my Savior and Friend, amen.

Be still my soul, be still. 

Can You Afford NOT to Take a Sick Day?

We tell our kids at the first sign of sickness, to rest, take your medicine or else they will get worse. We give them their vitamins, extra grace and help. We write out letters to teachers and coaches explaining why our child needs to sit out and take a break.

But what about us? For the Stay at Home Mom it is hard to stop and rest for there is sooo much to be done and for my Working Friends, I know this is equally true and probably even harder because they have deadlines and finances that are dependent on their presence and work load. I think it’s hard for any adult to take a sick day. We don’t have someone standing over us caring for our health, telling us to stop and rest and they will take care of things while we are down….or do we?

When we look at this physically, as we realize we are getting a cold, our nose starts to tickle and our voices begin to shake and our bodies begin aching, we notice it and we take action-either rest or deny. Others may notice our less than patient attitude and the grumpy demeanor we walk around with, but do we take heed and rest? Probably not. Too much to do. We just push through the pain and sometimes selfishly expose others to our illness cuz we don’t want to slow down and rest. Oftentimes it takes us getting the rug yanked out from underneath us with severe illness to slow down and rest, and then we we call in a “sick” day.

When we look at this spiritually, we don’t always realize we are getting a “spiritual cold” until the rug is pulled out from underneath us and we fall flat on our face. But what if we noticed the warning signs of a looming “spiritual cold” and were able to get the rest we need to avoid a spiritual crisis? Do we take heed when those around us notice our grumpy demeanor, the lack of passion or pursuit in our walk with the Lord as we once had serving Him? Do we choose to take heed and rest? Probably not. Too much to do. We just push through the pain and sometimes selfishly expose others to our germs cuz we don’t want to slow down and rest. Oftentimes it takes us getting the rug yanked out from underneath us to slow down and rest, and in which we have no choice but to call in a “sick” day.

Let me remind you that there is "someone" watching over you! Actually lots of someones...God and His army and Satan and His army. Both stand ready at the gate to defend you (God) or destroy you (Satan.) The Holy Spirit is our protecting CareGiver. His indwelling within us knows our “temperature” and whispers to us to rest up, get those vitamins going again, hydrate on The Living Water and feed yourself on the simple food of Daily Bread to settle yourself. But do we listen? Does it take us becoming so spiritually depleted, weak and empty before we call in a “sick” day? Oh how stubborn we are! We think we can just get better by doing nothing, just ignore it and it will go away. Well, we know that isn’t true physically and it also isn’t true emotionally or spiritually. 

God says Come to me those who are weary, and rest. He is there, our Abba Father, caring for His children who don’t always recognize they are sick and need to stop and rest. He has already written His letter of “excused absence” on your behalf. And sometimes when we can’t hear those whispers, He will graciously send some on-call Believers to make a house call and show you your symptoms, take your temperature and bring you your Daily Bread and hydrate you with Living Water. And then, if you reject their care for you, The Great Physician will step in and work on you. And trust me, His meds and methods are not a quick fix, or pleasant. He describes some of His recovery places where we are placed in isolation to stop the spread of our “germs”- in the pit, in the dessert, in the valley, in the wilderness, in the sea. (Wouldn’t that be a whole other interesting study!!!) 

So, what does it mean to take a “sick” day? I think for each of us it will look different. Some may need to take time away from the house and job for a period of time, maybe a day at home with nothing "being done" but resting, or a day away at the park or a weekend at a retreat center. Maybe God has sent you a friend to come alongside you and bring you "meds" once a week over a cup of coffee or lunch, or to talk about the plan for healing over the phone once a week as needed. Maybe time spent with a loved one that gets you and can make you laugh tears of joy through the tears of pain. Maybe you need to go to a professional counselor and work on some therapy, for however long as needed. 
For me, it was all the above. I needed to takes of rest at home, a time off from all the doings, other days I get away from the house and sit with just my God, enjoying every bite of Bread and Water, breathing in the fresh air of His grace and love. I also went to therapy once a week with a Believing therapist and a doctor. I changed my spiritual diet and took my daily prescribed Holy Word meds and began to restore and revive my broken and depleted soul. 
I find that every day, best I am able, I rest. Just 15-30 min of peace and quiet to sit still before the Lord. I still do these things to this day because I do not want to go into another preventable crisis that is painful to overcome. Daily, I "take my temperature," starting with the break of every new day, I rest my heart and soul mid day, I nourish myself throughout the day with Bread and Water, I take vitamins of goodness and “fruit” snacks (like listening to sermons, reading books, worship music, etc), and when I lay my head down at the end of the night, oh what peace to lay still and curl up in His arms. Days I get the shakes and stiffness, I will call in sick. I make an intentional choice to stop and get help. I sometimes will spend time with a friend who I know loves me and will intercede for me, giving me the Truth in love and hope I so desperately need, and other times, like today, I am sitting here alone on my favorite spot on the beach just for a few. Bible in hand, journal opened, and Water plenty!! Each wave crashes as if into my soul and washes away my grit and grim. I find myself wishing every day could be like this and am reminded that one day for me, it will be. I will one day find myself soaking in The Son on the shore of my Savior forever and ever. Until that day, I will work zealously, faithfully, and wholeheartedly…taking sick days when I need them. 
How careful we must be not to judge one another...you never know why someone may be taking a day off, going on vacation, sitting alone at the park, temporarily stepping down from serving at church, suddenly needing fellowship with Believers, asking those mysterious "unspoken" prayer requests, crying in church or on your couch. Why sometimes people go off the radar for a season, or two. They may be "sick" and need some time off for healing.
So, may I encourage you from someone who has always had a hard time taking a sick day…take it if you need it! If you are beginning to see the warning signs of spiritual sniffles, shaking or stiffness, teak heed and rest!! You will only get worse and meanwhile selfishly expose your spiritual germs to others. You cannot ignore it and get better. You have too much to do that you must get the healing you need. You cannot afford not to take a sick day!!!

And maybe God is calling you as one of His On-Call Believers to gently encourage and admonish another, be sure that you take with you the right meds...The Bread and The Water necessary to administer to them. God's Word is a healing balm to the soul!!!!! There is no greater medicine than ones from the Great Physician and Healer! 

“And we urge you, brothers, admonish the idle, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with them all.” 1 Thessalonians 5:14 (ESV)

Being a Permanent Temporary Resident

One year....I can do that! When God called us to make a big move in our lives to The Keys, I literally said those words (AFTER He confirmed the move in my heart which was AFTER I said NO WAY-see other previous posts for the whole story). God was gracious in showing us that yes, we needed to make this move, yes there was a plan laid out for us and yes, we were to go...just for a year. Like all things temporary: our hair color, braces, potted plants, learner's permits, they are temporary elements before a permanent placement. That's how I looked at this big move, a temporary move.
It all happened so fast and at first, my thoughts were anxious...Was this really God's plan? Would this huge move trigger anxiety in me? What if a hurricane comes or something devastating happens while we are there, and we don't even know one person there? Was there a hospital within an hour drive? Were there even churches in The Keys? If so, what church would we partner with? Would I be accepted? Would the schools accept the kids academically and socially? Would we face greater temptations in Island Life? Should we or Would we make any friends? And most importantly, was there a Starbucks nearby?! (Just being funny, kinda!) I have to admit thinking on these things did not exactly portray a Philippians 4:8 thinker.  All these thoughts filled my nervous soul and the spiritual battle was on. 
Our Sweet Savior assured me that it was okay, He was in control and He was with us no matter. His grace would be sufficient (2 Corinthians 12:9) and He is before all thing and in Him, all things hold together (Colossians 1:17). I meditated and held tightly to theses promises throughout the process. I am not sure Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego were concerned about their temporary place in the fiery furnace (Daniel 3) or Daniel when He was placed into the lion's den or Joseph when he was tossed into the well or placed in jail. Instead, they had their eyes on their God, believing He would provide. Their temporary eyes lived in a permanent world, the eternal one with Christ on His throne. God was faithful to me too. He is a faithful God! The Holy Spirit guided my thoughts and centered my mind back on Him. Joy and anticipation soon trumped my fears and worry! My spirit was energized! Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine! Our temporary life in Florida was going to be okay. 
It was sad to leave my amazing friends and family in Texas knowing how much they all loved us and actually gave us strong shoulders to be able to stand on here. Not making new friends here would be okay. I thought it might even be a distraction from "the plan" and I am such a shy girl that I thought it would be too hard, take too long to establish relationships here only to leave soon after. Besides, it's temporary. But God...
In His graciousness, He brought to us the most precious people! On our first house hunting trip here, He led us to a Pastor who just happened to be up at the church and opened the door to our knocking. We shared our journey and testimony, He listened and prayed over us. Once we arrived here, He placed before us wonderful teachers and amazing Godly friends. 
And within the first few weeks here, He already gifted into our life amazing friends. God loving, Christ affirming, real people, with real hearts for loving God and loving others. I thought, "God!!! What are You doing? This was not "the plan!!!" Of course...it was not my plan, but His. They certainly do not distract me away from "the plan" rather they affirmed it and enhanced it. Embracing us, they strengthen me and have loved on my family. They are ministers of God's sweetness and certainly display what it means to be family in Christ. Wow. Honestly, it was bittersweet at first. How wonderful to have been blessed so richly and yet how hard it will be to leave these precious people. 
I began trying to figure out how to be a good "temporary" friend. So I asked God on one of our walks together. He spoke so clearly into my spirit...your whole life is temporary Michele. No matter where you live, it is temporary. Your residence is here with Me. Wow. This was no more temporary than my hometown in Texas had been. My Home is in the Heartland of God. 
This earth and anywhere in it where I get my mail is temporary and He has called us to be deeply rooted in Him, established in Him (Jeremiah 17:7-8) loving and serving Him with all of our hearts, souls, minds and strengths (Deut 10:12-13). I don't have to figure out how to serve and live and love temporarily here. I just have to embrace these temporary elements of loving God and seeking after Him here on this temporary earth until He places me in my permanent place in Glory which is forever and ever. God has assured me (probably rolling His eyes at me), that He is bigger than my capacity to accomplish "the real plan." Lord, more of You and less of me. 
I have found a new sense of freedom in living for today and not in a countdown of sorts. Whether we end up back in Texas in 6 months or 6 years, the calendar will not be my guideline on how I choose to live my "temporary life." I choose to live for Eternity's sake in this temporary place called earth.
Has God asked you to do something that seems difficult? Has He asked you to make a move in your own life? It may not be a literal move of address, but of something in your heart, soul or mind? When we dig deep into knowing that ultimately our lives really are but a vapor and that where we are is temporary, can't we dare to love and serve and live without restrictions of our limitations knowing that God certainly is more than capable to provide these temporary elements to accomplish The Kingdom Plan here on earth as He prepares our permanent place beside Him? 
May we see these blessings and provisions as temporary elements He gives us to help us accomplish for His plan and glory what is eternally His plan? May our cup overflow with blessings so that we may bless overflowing. It all starts when we surrender to His plan and remember that God is in control and near. As the Holy Spirit intercedes on our behalf, our prayers and pleas join with His keeping our minds centered on the Cross. It's mercy, grace, provision and salvation. We can whole heartedly live permanently in this temporary place, loving God and loving others just as He has commanded. THAT is THE Plan.

God, thank You for going before us and walking with us. Help our hearts and minds to remember that while this life is temporary, that we are also to live it permanently, with eternal eyes. When we try to figure out our plan, remind us of Yours! Help us to be faithful servants of these temporary elements here on earth as You prepare for all Your children to live in their eternal home, forever and ever with You!! Create in us a clean heart that we can hear You clearly and serve You humbly. Increase in us our heart's boundaries to embrace all that You have for us. We worship and adore You. Amen

Jesus, my Spiritual Valium

 Jesus, Only Jesus

Who has the power to raise the dead?
Who can save us from our sin?
He is our hope, our righteousness
Jesus, only Jesus

Who can make the blind to see?
Who holds the keys that set us free?
He paid it all to bring us peace
Jesus, only Jesus

Holy, King almighty Lord
Saints and angels all adore
I join with them and bow before
Jesus, only Jesus

Who can command the highest praise?
Who has the name above all names?
You stand alone, I stand amazed
Jesus, only Jesus

You will command the highest praise!
Yours is the name above all names!
You stand alone, I stand amazed
Jesus, only Jesus!
Jesus, only Jesus!

This song melts me. It's like Spiritual Valium that settles my soul. Have you ever just been soooo busy that you feel like you have been turned into a remote controlled toy? You are being turned here and there, front, back, to the right then a quick turn to the left. Sometimes it's not even that I am "soooo busy" but more like I just don't ever stop. Day after day, it's the same thing, over and over and I just "go." And then, the battery runs out or you crash. All play stops! 
The market was not the only thing that crashed in 2008.....I did. My battery died and I crashed. "Life" controlled me. If I must "choose today whom I will serve", then I need to be the one in control so I can choose for myself how and what I want to spend my day doing what it is that God calls me to do. 
It's at the name of Jesus, only Jesus that slows me down (even though it fires me up at the same time!!). It's His glory in the breathtaking sunrise or sunset. Or the intricate details of a newborn baby, a flower or mountain range, the rolling storms and the sound of laughter that follows tears. Those God moments you experience studying His Word, or hear in a sermon or divinely timed conversation with a friend that leaves you standing amazed. A heart transformed and the lost-saved. The sick-healed. The desperate-satisfied. The Name of Jesus ushers in a peace that surpasses understanding, a comfort that holds you together when you feel like you are falling apart. It is the Name of Jesus that sets us free...it's Jesus, only Jesus. 
Satan knows that if he can stress us out, keep us busy or create in us a sense of hopelessness, then he begins to take control. But, if we put on the armor and keep in control, we can stand against the schemes of the enemy. Ephesians 6 encourages us..."Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places." 

One of the benefits of moving is that you have no choice but to stop doing what you are doing and change the way you do things. However, if you don't stop and think about the why you do certain things, you will continue to do the same things and hand your remote over to "life" and it will control you in the new place too. I have had to put on my armor daily and really keep my heart and mind focused on what it is God wants me to so "life" doesn't fill my day with Martha lists, but that I am able to choose a Mary heart and serve and love as He leads me. 
May it be Your name, Jesus, that leads me, saves me, protects me, sustains me, heals me, comforts me. There is no greater Name. There is no greater Way. Jesus, only Jesus. I stand amazed. You Lord God, deserve the highest praise! With a bowed knee and heart, I worship You, amen.

Who has the power to raise the dead? Who can save us from our sin? He is our hope, our righteousness....Jesus, only Jesus

Who can make the blind to see? Who holds the keys that set us free? He paid it all to bring us peace....Jesus, only Jesus

Holy, King almighty Lord. Saints and angels all adore. I join with them and bow before
Jesus, only Jesus

Who can command the highest praise? Who has the name above all names? You stand alone, I stand amazed....Jesus, only Jesus

You will command the highest praise! Yours is the name above all names! You stand alone, I stand amazed....Jesus, only Jesus! Jesus, only Jesus!

How do you dress-up to cover-up?

Does your external self (appearance, characteristics) dictate or identify the internal self (heart, soul, mind)? If you are like me, then you would have to admit that there are times when you secretly hope that it does cuz what's happening on the inside is a hot mess but if I can just put on the perfect looking outside, then everyone will think I am "perfect" on the inside too. That was soooo me and something I still fight against.
I have a friend who is what you'd say is "Cute as a button!" She has a cute hair cut, always rightfully dressed, a cheerful smile that lights up a whole room, is physically fit, she's tan to which her blue eyes just radiate and pierce you. She really is "cute as a button." But then she says, "I have big, flat, ugly feet!"as she slides her foot back. And then she says her hair is a mess. I think to myself, "Really?!? What mirror is she looking at? What in the world is she thinking?! She is b-e-a-u-t-i-f-u-l, inside and out!!" I don't see her ugly flat feet or messed up hair. I see a beautiful woman who is has a heart of gold, a heart that beats for her Lord, a spirit of passion and energy, a woman with fire under her soul to love and serve God and others purely, a woman of hospitality, a devoted wife and mother. I mean really......who's looking at her feet? Well, she is. 
Thankfully for this sweet friend, her identity is not wrapped up in her outward appearance, even though it's a close match in my opinion, gorgeous in and out. There is a difference in caring about how you look which we all should care about how we present ourselves physically and materially before others as mentioned in 2 Timothy 2:8-10 "I desire then that in every place the men should pray, lifting holy hands without anger or quarreling; likewise also that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire, but with what is proper for women who profess godliness--with good works." But it ought not identify us. 
For me, I have a long list of my attributes that I would have adjusted if I felt like it was okay for me to do, such as my nose, my ears, my eyes, my gut, my skin, my legs...just to name a few. Growing up as a young girl with severe cystic acne that kept me out of school for days at a time depending on the flare up or treatment days, (oh, and don't forget...with braces), my outward appearance was something I actually was shamed and embarrassed by. I would spend lots of time in front of the mirror, disgusted, trying to mask it, so I could look normal and be accepted by others. Surely if my appearance was less than, they would see me as less than. It sounds ridiculous to say that now as an adult, because I know that is not true; however, for a teen girl who already feels insecure and inadequate, having to then deal with the outward imperfections could only draw attention to my internal weaknesses and imperfections. So, I believed and here, the cover up began. I concerned myself with dressing up the outward to compensate and distract from what was underneath, which was a physical and emotional mess. I only allowed myself to be "real" at home where I was safe from the judgement of others. No wonder I was a home-body! 
I lived under that assumption for many, many years and to this day, I have to guard myself against going back to thinking those same, irrational thoughts. Our outside certainly does not define our inside. It certainly may affect me, but it certainly does not define me! 1 Samuel 16:7 reminds us that God looks at our hearts. "But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the LORD sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the LORD looks on the heart." 
There are always going to be the few Joan Rivers types that pick apart everyone. Some people are just very critical of others' intentions or looks. I am sure there is someone out there that could detail every blemish of my beautiful friend that I do not see, cuz they have judging eyes. And same for me, I could find someone to verify my imperfections. But when we seek to see as God sees, we see people's hearts, just as He does. Big nose, flat feet, pimples, scars, lumpy thighs are not what God is judging or identifying me by. 
Now, I live in freedom from that bondage of judgement and worry. My identity has been identified and found in Christ. I am not consumed by portraying my identity anymore, but rather hoping my heart portrays my identity, who I am in Christ, the real me! A bad hair day and a huge pimple on my face definitely puts a damper on my day, but it no longer rules me. I am so very thankful for friends who encourage me in being real from the inside-out. I no longer need to hear "You are pretty." I need to hear, "You are His!" and that's all that matters!!!!
Who I am in Christ is the real me, despite what I do or say. I can dress up and tell the world I am perfect or that I am a complete screw-up and both would be a lie. While I may feel that way, the truth is found in Christ: I am a new creation. I have His saving power and strength within my soul that fills in the gaps of my weaknesses. I was thought valuable enough to die for. I am redeemed and forgiven for all my sin. I may not love well, but I am loved very well! Regardless of who I say I am or what anyone else thinks I am, God sees my heart- the good, the bad and the ugly and yet He still claims me as His daughter forever. Wow! 
And bottom line...He gave His one and only Son, not to make me pretty, but so I could have a new heart and live forever and ever and ever with Him. I must be special cuz FOREVER is a loooooong time. 
The same is true for YOU!!!! You are special and worth dying for and the King of the Universe, the Creator of all things, wants to live with you for all eternity....not because you are pretty, but because your heart is His!!!! Ashes to ashes, heart to heart. 
(And for my sweet friend who thinks her feet and hair are messed up...you're wrong. You are beautiful head to toe, inside and out!!)
Thank You Lord, for Your grace is sufficient!!!!! There is none like You!!!!

"For God so loved the world, that He gave His only Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through Him. " 

John 3:16-17

The No More Fear Flight Plan

I had the opportunity to share some of my testimony recently, so I thought I'd share it here too. I hadn't really thought about this particular week from my healing journey in a long time. It was one of many lessons God had for me during this season. I share it now with you (as is true of this blog as a whole) in hopes that someone out here in cyber world would be encouraged to see that if they find themself just living life, they will call upon Love to restore in them the joy of their salvation! (Psalm 51:12)

There came a day in the Winter of 2008 after an onset of panic attacks that came out of no where. Without going through the whole story, know this: I declared I would never fly again even though I had many miles under my belt. It was through lots and lots of prayers, healing and work of grace that brought me to the day I took that declaration back. I was not going to let Satan take this from me. We planned a flight. I knew I had to fly to do ministry. With family only a 45 minute flight away, we decided to take this quick flight in hopes I didn't die or jump out of the plane. Yes, my husband accompanied me! I could not have done it alone. This would be my No More Fear Flight. We planned to stay long enough to have lunch with some family and return home hours later. 

Anxiety had depleted me and the thought of flying again was my new Goliath. I wanted a heart like David, brave and courageous. I knew the enemy wanted to keep me chained to the ground, but I knew there would be ministry callings one day and flying would be the only way to do it. I finally determined to break free from this bondage, fight the good fight, to stand on the promises of my Savior, to love living free and break the chains fear had captured me with. I was ready to rise up and fight! 

The week to take this Fear No More flight had arrived. I had planned all week to study, memorize scriptures, exercise daily, cut out all caffeines and sugars, and be completely prepared for the flight. My check list was organized and plentiful of all I had to do to make sure the flight was a success. Hear all that "I" was going to accomplish?! Apparently He didn't see my plan as The Plan. I certainly didn't see His plan in that moment.

The very first morning of "the plan," I woke up with a fever (which I never get sick) and could barely function. I tried hard to study but my mind was so foggy and I had no mental energy...on the week I needed it the most. I was being overcome by the anxiety I was set to defeat. I needed and planned and prepared for NO anxiety. That was supposed to be The Plan! Apparently HE had other plans.

For the next 3 days, it was the same thing...I was stuck in bed, miserable and more anxious. How was I going to have a successful flight? How was I not going to have a full out panic attack on the plane and potentially have a heart attack? I had planned hard for this week and it was not going according to the plan!! Finally, the day before the flight I woke up without any symptoms. Yah, weird, but so goes spiritual warfare...it's weird and not always so obvious I might add.

The next morning came and I jumped straight up out of bed fever free, knowing that I had MUCH to do to catch up on The Plan to take down Goliath...sooo much studying to make up for and prayers to pray, salads to eat and vitamins to take. Time to play catch-up. How was I going to do this?!? 

Then, I heard in my spirit, "Lay back down." Very funny Satan....haha, there was NO WAY I was going to lay back down, are you kidding me?! I had so much to do!! 

I started to get out of bed a second time. And the voice repeated, "Lay back down." Ummmm, don't think so. But I couldn't shake that maybe, just maybe it was the Holy Spirit. I prayed asking for discernemnt if this was Satan tempting me to hinder me or was this really God? It only made sense that it was Satan not wanting me to get out of bed. I needed to do my things, work the plan and I needed to get up and meet with God asap. I sat there for a moment to listen...I stopped fighting the possibility it could be The Lord, but why...my spirit confirmed it was God even though it made no sense at all. I laid back down....and I prayed....waiting for something...I didn't know what I was waiting for. At first, I was a little huffy....It was as if I was tapping my spiritual foot on the floor anxiously anticipating an explanation of why I was here and not over there getting stuff done. There may have even been an eye roll as I yanked the covers back over my chest. I had no clue and honestly, I felt frustrated wasting my time laying there, waiting.

So, I finally just asked God, "Why am I supposed to do now? Why am I here when I need to be getting myself ready for tomorrow?" What do you want to say? After a short Holy pause, He spoke..."I won't drop you." 

It was and still remains one of the most profound moments of my life. It was more than assurance of a panic free, non-crashing, non-freaking out flight, but as a whole, God is with me, He is near, He is not going to fail me. He won't drop me. This was His Plan. He was my Way. He was My Refuge and Strength, He was my Answer. He was my sanity. He was my Calm.

I actually laid there in a Holy Hush and realized that I had been relying on myself, and not on God. I was numb to hope because I had lost it. I was so controlling because I thought my success was all up to me and my efforts and ability to break the chains and push through. I had placed my hope and success in the fruits of my own efforts.

Later that afternoon I met with my Mentor and didn't share immediately with her about this encounter that morning. I was still processing it honestly. Letting go of control is not easily done for someone who plans out of fear of failure. She had a song she wanted me to listen to, Your Grace is Enough. Grace, God's Amazing Grace!! She made me stand up with arms to my side and she placed her hands on my shoulders, then my back, then stood square infront of me and spoke the Scriptures over me, "You need not fight, for He fights for you. He will never leave you or forsake you. He restores your soul and goes before you. You are a conqueror." It was actually the first time someone had actually prayed over me, specifically me.

It was His grace I had become numb to. I was numb to His unconditional Love. I had planned enough to not need grace. There I sat, with no plans. All I had was Grace. This moment of surrendered works transformed my heart to surrendering to a Savior's instead of self. She reminded me of the Grace of God that is dependable, trustworthy and sufficient. (2 Corinthians 12:9) Could I depend on Grace to carry me wherever I needed to go? Well, that was The real Plan!!!!

I was still nervous, and felt vulnerable to failure, but my hope was ignited, my anxious mind was calmed. I felt cared for and valued for the first time in a long time. Was God really that forgiving? Would He really show up for me even though I was so sassy to Him that morning?

Yes He sure did. He is a trustworthy God of mercy and compassion. No panic, no crash, no bondage! Grace took down Goliath, not me, lest I boast...I am weak, but He is strong.
This began a new journey for me of trust, grace and pure love. I walked through each day feeling less and less numb. My heart was filled with hope knowing God has plans I can't see yet but I trust Him and by grace, He will take care of me. My joy grew one breath at a time. True Love began filling my soul again. Love became my purpose and defined my value.
Love lifted me. Love carried me. Love helped me live!! I love living life with Love!!!!! Now, I live my days on purpose. 

What about you? What has you living numb? Oh how I pray this is touching your soul to movement. The enemy wants you grounded. But God, He wants you Lifted! Not every day is a rainbow-bright kind of day, but every day, if we choose, is a day of grace and love. To give it and receive it. Feeling numb to life is a place Satan would love for you to stay but Christ has come to set the captives free! Fight back against this and live fully. Some days and seasons will be hard but we only need to trust Grace. On this earth, we will have troubles but on this Earth, we are not separated from Power enough to break chains and kill Goliaths as young David did. He lives in us. We are not alone and unnecessary. We have been created for a purpose only we can fulfill. 

I pray that if you can relate and you feel numb to life, that you will be encouraged knowing that you are not alone, God is near and He will supply for you out of His riches (Ephesians 3) all that you need because His grace us sufficient for you!!! 

We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; 2 Corinthians 4:8

Do not let Satan steal your joy! It might be time for you to simply lay back down and trust. Trust He is with you. Trust He won't drop you. Or, for you, He might be saying Get your booty outa bed and move towards Me! It's time!! No matter where you find yourself fretting, felling numb and or overwhelmed, fix your eyes on the Lord, and seek first, His Kingdom Plan!!!!! 

(Matthew 6:33) My soul is lifted up and the grace of God grants me hope, faith and love that guards my mind and my heart from becoming numb to life and love. I pray this will be true for you too!! Bless your heart and soul in Jesus' Holy Hushing Name!!!!!!
His Grace is sufficient! Hugs and Hope!

May this be our prayer, Psalm 25 .....

"In you, LORD my God, I put my trust. 

I trust in you; do not let me be put to shame, nor let my enemies triumph over me. 

No one who hopes in you will ever be put to shame, but shame will come on those who are treacherous without cause. 

Show me your ways, LORD, teach me your paths. 

Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long. 

Remember, LORD, your great mercy and love, for they are from of old. 

Do not remember the sins of my youth and my rebellious ways; according to your love remember me, for you, LORD, are good. 

Good and upright is the LORD; therefore he instructs sinners in his ways. 

He guides the humble in what is right and teaches them his way. 

All the ways of the LORD are loving and faithful toward those who keep the demands of his covenant. 

For the sake of your name, LORD, forgive my iniquity, though it is great. 

Who, then, are those who fear the LORD? He will instruct them in the ways they should choose. 

They will spend their days in prosperity, and their descendants will inherit the land. 

The LORD confides in those who fear him; he makes his covenant known to them. 

My eyes are ever on the LORD, for only he will release my feet from the snare. 

Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted. 

Relieve the troubles of my heart and free me from my anguish. 

Look on my affliction and my distress and take away all my sins. 

See how numerous are my enemies and how fiercely they hate me! 

Guard my life and rescue me; do not let me be put to shame, for I take refuge in you. 

May integrity and uprightness protect me, because my hope, LORD, is in you. 

Deliver Israel, O God, from all their troubles!" 

AMEN!!!

Goliath Flight 2009