I Just Assumed...not any more!

I met a new friend this past week and in our "get to know" moment as we shared our story, a sentence came out of my mouth I had never thought of before and certainly had never said. I can only assume it was a God moment. Sometimes my assumption are right. Sometimes they are wrong.
Being the new (guy) gal in the community, I have been asked close to hundred times now, "What's your story? Why are you here?" Each time I get to share, God reminds me of His plan and the perfection of His timing. Last week was really no different...same testimony, different new friend. After sharing the summary of details and God's divine leading us in our move to Florida, I said these "crazy" words as a summery point of how God has been working on me over the past several years. This phrase came out my mouth for the first time... Assumptive Living. Assumptive Living. I said, "God has taken me from living a life of assumptive living to intentional living." I sat kinda of dumb founded for a minute trying to process why in the world did I just say that. 
Over the past several years, God has been walking me though Intentional Living. So much so, he even brought a dear Mentor and Friend into my life who actually used those words every time she talked. God could not have been obvious. She was a huge part of the refining process my heart and mind needed to endure and be shaped by. Knowing why I do what I do. Choosing to own my actions and not play the blame game in life. Stepping out in courage after the things God calls me to. Being intentional about growing in my knowledge and deepening my love with my Savior and Abba Father. But the years before this....not so much. I intentionally...assumed.
I have always described my personality issues as anxious and shy. One who fears the unknown, a follower not a leader. But then there were these words...Assumptive Living...wow. It was true. I had never thought about that before. For most of my life, I have been fearful and anxious. I feel it inside me, raised blood pressure and heart racing, feeling as if I couldn't breath. Double checking everything I do in fear of judgement, which would lead to fear of rejection. Ever watchful of my surrounding, fearful of personal harm to me or my kids. Choosing to always follow to avoid failing. Avoiding others or opportunities felt safer to me than putting myself out there. I assumed the worst. I assumed. There it was. Assumptive Living.
If we go through life assuming we will fail, we will never try. We will never accomplish what we have been called to do. If we assume rejection, we will never have victory or courage to embrace and enjoy meaning relationships and friendships or partnerships in the work place. If we assume someone is always looking to harm us or one of our loved ones, we will never fully appreciate the beauty of God's creation. We will see so narrowly, that we miss the big picture. What kind of life is Assumptive Living? I will tell you. 
It's one thing to assume the worst and plan for the worst verses planning for the worst and hoping for the best. I realize now in hindsight how much anxiety and fear I self-created simply by assuming. How I must have grieved the heart of God with how I lived so wrongly fearful and anxious...never resting in His arms or grasping my identity in His Name. Oh the power I didn't claim, the grace I rejected, the blessings I missed. Something no one else knew, and I didn't even recognize myself back then. Thank God, His mercies are new every morning! Lamentation 3!! Looking back, my identity was not His...
I assumed I wouldn't be successful. Inadequate
I assumed I was making wrong choices. Doubting
I assumed my friend would not like me once they got to know me. Insecure
I assumed everyone else must be right, assuming they must be more intelligent or talented than I. Minimal 
I assumed I was the "lesser than" of the group. Pitiful
I assumed others could do it better, whatever "it" was at the time. Dumb
I assumed my husband would find other women sexier than me. Ugly
I assumed other parents has mastered this thing called parenting. Judgement
I assumed all the other Stay At Home Moms had perfectly cleaned house and dinner prepped for week on Sunday and all their clothes were in their rightful place. Comparison
I just assumed everything, even spiritually....
I assumed God loved me because that is what I had been taught in every church, in every Bible study, at every conference. 
I assumed and hoped He would always be with me. 
I assumed and hoped He would give me Peace when I needed it. 
I assumed and hoped He would be my Rock, my Comfort, my Healer.
Seriously, what a horrible way to live! Assuming everything...not knowing anything except doubt and fear, always hoping for being right. With a smile always on my face, no one could have known, and even today, people don't see the splinters, scars and thorns. Grace, Grace, Amazing Grace!!!! I have learned to receive Grace. I have learned not only Who God is personally, but who that makes me as His child. What an amazing feeling inside your soul when you know that you know. When someone asks you why, and you can confidently give an answer to the hope and the reason of your life.
God, gracious and gentle, looooong suffering over me, for sure, gave me the opportunity to get over living life assumptively. Through a season of panic attacks and anxiety attacks, I had to do some deep heart, soul, mind and spirit searching! 
I assumed I could handle life controlling myself, my circumstances and others. Here is where I learned my assumptions were all wrong. 
I assumed the life I was trying so hard to be perfect at would be the best life. Wrong! My best life has been lived ever since. The best life is living an intentional life!
How great to walk through a day nervous, sure. Feeling a little insecure, sure....yet doing life anyway! I certainly haven't arrived, and I still find thorns to pull out of my flesh at times, but how grateful I am to get the chance to have a do-over in this life! Every day I get to be more intentional! Thank You Lord for being steadfastly intentional for me!!
I know that I know God has a plan to prosper me and not harm me. Jeremiah 29
I know that I know He will never leave me. Deuteronomy 31
I know that I know He forgives me, loves me and hears me. John 3
I know that I know He is the Orchestrator of my life, leading me in my endeavors, my relationships, in my parenting, friendships, service, ministry, etc. Isaiah 40
I know that I know nothing escapes His care or His provision. 
Yes, bad things will still happen this side of eternity, but I know that I know I am Redeemed by the Great I Am. I am protected by The King of Kings. I am not a loss cause. I am not alone. I know that I know He hears my cries and my prayers and rejoices in my accomplishments even if I have failed the 10 times before. 
I know that I know God loves every single one of us and has a divinely great plan for a beautiful life, free of....assumptions!
If this is you too, (I am assuming I am not the only one who has been here), don't assume another day. Live fully, embracing each day's plan and grace for every moment. Be intentional in knowing what it is you need to get your head and heart wrapped around, to bring glory to the One Intentional God. How? Let go of being in control and Trust The Only Faithful and Steadfast One. Surrender your fears and assumptions into Hope Himself. You must be in His Word. You must pray and talk to Him, learning to listen for His voice. How else will you know Him? It was through digging into His Word searching for Him, worshiping Him in truth, not feeling. Praying in petition and in waiting for His response. It was remembering Who was in charge of my life, the comings and goings, the direction and the provision of every day. Calling out to The One I knew heard me, saw me and held me. Knowing in my head the Truth while embracing the Heart of The One who held mine together. It was remembering that God was ultimately in control and I needed to trust Him, loving Him above all else, with all my heart and might.
Life is best lived, intentionally living and loving, giving life and blessings, while receiving life and blessings!! Life is good because God is good! Hallelujah!!!!!
Thank You Lord for intentionally creating the world, and all that is within it, seen and unseen. Thank You for the grace You alone cover us with so that we can work out our insecurities, inadequacies, our callings for Your glory this side of Heaven. May we never assume Your love, mercy, forgiveness, peace, comfort. May we never assume Your grace will run out. Help us in our minds to embrace the knowledge of who You are and help our hearts to grasp how deep and wide Your love for us is. God, we are so sorry for taking the weight of burdens in this life upon our own shoulders. May we call to mind Your love and friendship that are never ceasing. Thank You for Your Word to teach us what we need to know. Thank You for your friendship and Fatherhood that proves it. Thank You Holy Spirit for leading us, encouraging us, prompting us to remember and to worship in truth! You are a great, great God...I know that I know this is true!! Bless Your Holy Name, amen.

Psalm 57, "Be merciful to me, O God, be merciful to me, for in you my soul takes refuge; in the shadow of your wings I will take refuge, till the storms of destruction pass by.  

I cry out to God Most High, to God who fulfills his purpose for me. He will send from heaven and save me; he will put to shame him who tramples on me.
God will send out his steadfast love and his faithfulness! My soul is in the midst of lions; I lie down amid fiery beasts-- the children of man, whose teeth are spears and arrows, whose tongues are sharp swords. Be exalted, O God, above the heavens!

Let your glory be over all the earth! They set a net for my steps; my soul was bowed down. They dug a pit in my way, but they have fallen into it themselves.
My heart is steadfast, O God, my heart is steadfast! I will sing and make melody! Awake, my glory! Awake, O harp and lyre! I will awake the dawn! I will give thanks to you, O Lord, among the peoples; I will sing praises to you among the nations. For your steadfast love is great to the heavens, your faithfulness to the clouds.

Be exalted, O God, above the heavens! Let your glory be over all the earth!"

Life without Blinders

 

It's the culture we live in. Selfies. Groupies. Look at Mes. We know that people are watching us, and we choose to freely post about ourselves all the while hoping people aren't judging us or making fun of us. Deep in our hearts, we worry what they might think of us. We all want the "Like."
For a shy and fear-rejection girl, it is easier for me to be more vulnerable and write out my heart's thoughts behind a screen than to have to speak them out loud and face to face. This is the main reason I blog. So many people I meet don't believe me when I say I am shy. I am in introverted extrovert! I love people, but no in loud, large groups. I love experiencing new places, but not alone. I prefer to co-captain than captain. I love to talk to people, but not from a stage or with a microphone. When you write, you have the opportunity to edit and delete. Verbally, there are no edits. That terrifies me. I could talk about the Lord for hours upon hours and would host a retreat every month if I could centered on Him, but I can not last more than 5 minutes making small talk. I know, sounds peculiar. I am. I am okay with that. I enjoy the freedom of living in my quirkiness! It just used to always be that way.
God created us masterfully and with intelligence to strive for more...more of Him. Very few people would probably say they prefer to be last, or seen as a failure. We all desire acceptance in our hearts. The problem comes when we live our life fearing the judgement more of man, allowing others to dictate our every life choice, often choosing to walk the path others expect us to rather than walking the path laid out for us by a Holy God, the Creator of the Universe, and us.
The urge to please and be accepted by others is especially strong for those of us who struggle with insecurities and anxiety. We already are a nervous wreck that we are making wrong choices and then we add the pressure to be approved by others, and to top it off, we want to walk by faith, desiring to please God and honor Him in all our choices, and yet the fear of judgment of others is almost too much for our faith walk. So, we pray ourselves up, put on the proverbial blinders and sting in the face of adversity with courage enough to do whatever we have been called to do. Our friends tell us to "close our eyes," block everyone out, picture everyone else in their pjs (or naked, of which I could never do!) Basically, put on the blinders like you would on a horse so you don't get spooked by passer-bys.  
But I got to thinking about it and I am not sure that we are the ones to pretend to put on the blinders. What if we pretend that everyone else has blinders, so they cannot see you!?! Why would I wear the blinders to block them out? How will my footing be sure? How will I fully live in the moment seeing, touching, smelling, placing myself rightly if I have blinders on? Why not imagine everyone else wearing their blinders towards me? Then, I can fully live out my call, my moment, my day, my work, my ministry as I see, feel, believe I should....by faith?! Oh the freedom there is not worrying what others think of you! 
Our lives are lived out before millions of others over the course of our life and yet the only One truly watching us is God! The only One we should be concerned with pleasing is God. He loves us unconditionally, and accepts us as His child, so even if we make a mistake, He still extends His arms of grace and compassion out to us. 
This is my next step in my call to encourage and to simply live my life...eyes open, heart sharing, feet moving, hands writing, ministry reaching, mouth speaking, life blessing, soul searching, spirit worshiping all before The One who has His ever watching eye, ready to catch me, lead me, protect me, shield me, rescue me from the enemy of lies.
God, forgive us for worrying more about the opinions of others over Yours. Give me the confidence to take off my blinders and walk eyes wide open after You! Help us to live boldly in the body, mind and soul and strength You have given us. Help us to see clearly where You are leading, may we follow You faithfully and courageously. God, for me personally, thank You for the gift of being able to blog and share with others the Living Hope and Joy You give. I confess I have hidden often from sharing verbally out of fear of judgement and rejection, so please continue to grow me and increase my faith and my ability to accomplish all things in Your Name without fear. In my weakness, You are strong. I believe You. Be my Light and Lamp every step, every day in every way. Thank You O Lord, My Rock and My God!!! Amen

Here's our family Groupie!!

"For it is you who light my lamp; the LORD my God lightens my darkness. 

For by you I can run against a troop, and by my God I can leap over a wall. 

This God--his way is perfect; the word of the LORD proves true; he is a shield for all those who take refuge in him.

 For who is God, but the LORD? And who is a rock, except our God?--

 the God who equipped me with strength and made my way blameless. 

 He made my feet like the feet of a deer and set me secure on the heights. 

He trains my hands for war, so that my arms can bend a bow of bronze. 

You have given me the shield of your salvation, and your right hand supported me, and your gentleness made me great.

 You gave a wide place for my steps under me, and my feet did not slip.

 I pursued my enemies and overtook them, and did not turn back till they were consumed." Psalm 18:28-37 ESV