For a shy and fear-rejection girl, it is easier for me to be more vulnerable and write out my heart's thoughts behind a screen than to have to speak them out loud and face to face. This is the main reason I blog. So many people I meet don't believe me when I say I am shy. I am in introverted extrovert! I love people, but no in loud, large groups. I love experiencing new places, but not alone. I prefer to co-captain than captain. I love to talk to people, but not from a stage or with a microphone. When you write, you have the opportunity to edit and delete. Verbally, there are no edits. That terrifies me. I could talk about the Lord for hours upon hours and would host a retreat every month if I could centered on Him, but I can not last more than 5 minutes making small talk. I know, sounds peculiar. I am. I am okay with that. I enjoy the freedom of living in my quirkiness! It just used to always be that way.
God created us masterfully and with intelligence to strive for more...more of Him. Very few people would probably say they prefer to be last, or seen as a failure. We all desire acceptance in our hearts. The problem comes when we live our life fearing the judgement more of man, allowing others to dictate our every life choice, often choosing to walk the path others expect us to rather than walking the path laid out for us by a Holy God, the Creator of the Universe, and us.
The urge to please and be accepted by others is especially strong for those of us who struggle with insecurities and anxiety. We already are a nervous wreck that we are making wrong choices and then we add the pressure to be approved by others, and to top it off, we want to walk by faith, desiring to please God and honor Him in all our choices, and yet the fear of judgment of others is almost too much for our faith walk. So, we pray ourselves up, put on the proverbial blinders and sting in the face of adversity with courage enough to do whatever we have been called to do. Our friends tell us to "close our eyes," block everyone out, picture everyone else in their pjs (or naked, of which I could never do!) Basically, put on the blinders like you would on a horse so you don't get spooked by passer-bys.
But I got to thinking about it and I am not sure that we are the ones to pretend to put on the blinders. What if we pretend that everyone else has blinders, so they cannot see you!?! Why would I wear the blinders to block them out? How will my footing be sure? How will I fully live in the moment seeing, touching, smelling, placing myself rightly if I have blinders on? Why not imagine everyone else wearing their blinders towards me? Then, I can fully live out my call, my moment, my day, my work, my ministry as I see, feel, believe I should....by faith?! Oh the freedom there is not worrying what others think of you!
Our lives are lived out before millions of others over the course of our life and yet the only One truly watching us is God! The only One we should be concerned with pleasing is God. He loves us unconditionally, and accepts us as His child, so even if we make a mistake, He still extends His arms of grace and compassion out to us.
This is my next step in my call to encourage and to simply live my life...eyes open, heart sharing, feet moving, hands writing, ministry reaching, mouth speaking, life blessing, soul searching, spirit worshiping all before The One who has His ever watching eye, ready to catch me, lead me, protect me, shield me, rescue me from the enemy of lies.
God, forgive us for worrying more about the opinions of others over Yours. Give me the confidence to take off my blinders and walk eyes wide open after You! Help us to live boldly in the body, mind and soul and strength You have given us. Help us to see clearly where You are leading, may we follow You faithfully and courageously. God, for me personally, thank You for the gift of being able to blog and share with others the Living Hope and Joy You give. I confess I have hidden often from sharing verbally out of fear of judgement and rejection, so please continue to grow me and increase my faith and my ability to accomplish all things in Your Name without fear. In my weakness, You are strong. I believe You. Be my Light and Lamp every step, every day in every way. Thank You O Lord, My Rock and My God!!! Amen
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For by you I can run against a troop, and by my God I can leap over a wall.
This God--his way is perfect; the word of the LORD proves true; he is a shield for all those who take refuge in him.
For who is God, but the LORD? And who is a rock, except our God?--
the God who equipped me with strength and made my way blameless.
He made my feet like the feet of a deer and set me secure on the heights.
He trains my hands for war, so that my arms can bend a bow of bronze.
You have given me the shield of your salvation, and your right hand supported me, and your gentleness made me great.
You gave a wide place for my steps under me, and my feet did not slip.
I pursued my enemies and overtook them, and did not turn back till they were consumed." Psalm 18:28-37 ESV
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