My Before & After

Wow- just went over the last post-God must have had my fingers typing cuz I cannot believe what is written...but I will not delete it since it already has hit some of your emails as a follower and it is my prayer that God would give me courage to be an instrument of healing for another-so if it means putting myself out there, then so be it.
Wednesdays have become a day of reflection for me over the past year as I have committed to taking this time each week to evaluate where I am mentally and spiritually, kinda checking in with myself if you will...and ask God to show me areas that I need to work on. I never really did that before. I think most often we stop and try to figure things out once we have hit the wall in our life and we are freaking out!! My plan is to be pro-active, not re-active!!!!
During a recent bible study, our facilitator asked us, "If you were to take a Before and After picture of yourself, how have you changed?" Comparing it to before and after our salvation and even recently, a month ago, 6 months ago to now. What about you? How have you changed over the past 6 months? A year? 5 years? 10 years? It's amazing when you think about it from all aspects of physically, mentally and spiritually. I encourage you to take a few minutes and consider your Before and After snapshots...
For me, this is what I see...I am still me but there are things about me that are drastically different but I don't know that anyone would really noticed. Kinda like when you spend a whole day wiping down baseboards and cabinets and your husband comes home and says, "What have you done all day, the house is a mess!" Watch it buddy!!! It would be interesting to ask a family member or friend their opinion of how you are different, although I think so much often changes inside our head and heart. No one can see that except God, but if our heart and mind change, won't also our actions, deeds, etc? I think it does.
I would like to explore this with you, here are my notes...might be boring, so you can just Sign Out now :)
In the past year, how I am different, what I am and am not doing that I did a year ago...

Physically-
*I have lost 15 lbs-mostly due to all the stress I went through in December/January.
*Now, I am back in the gym-cardiologist said I was in poor cardio condition and needed to work out 4-5 times a week...I make it about 2-3 times, on a good week!
*Now, I hold my head high when I walk into a room vs. looking down b/c of nerves. Sounds funny, but it's big!
*Before, I used the children's nap time to work. Now, I taking advantage of the quiet time for myself to have peace and quiet, to study, read my devotionals.
*I would live on coffee and Dr Pepper before. Now, I limit my caffeine and sugar intake.
*I ate okay before, but I have incorporated even more salads into my diet.
*I use essential oils for aromatherapy, anointing and healing/health more than I did last year. (www.youngliving.org/1003168)
*I take vitamins and magnesium every day along with a beta blocker for my S.V.T.

Mentally- WORK IN PROGRESS HERE!!
*I didn't know what a panic attack was a year ago....I do now!
*I am still a bit of a worrier but am consciously working not to be.
*I am still afraid of flying, elevators, bridges, heights, but I am consciously working not to be.
*I still don't think of myself as a courageous woman, but I am asking God to help me- to be brave enough to step out on faith which is courage.
*I still feel inadequate in many areas of my life, but I am asking God to use the little of what I am and multiply it for His purposes.
*Before, when I was angry, I allowed the adrenaline to shut me down and swell inside me. Now, I am learning to speak up for self which is healthier for my body and mind.
*I could not get myself out of bed 15-30 minutes earlier to have Quiet Time with God, now I get up an hour early to have coffee with my God and I sometimes even get up before the alarm in anticipation :)

Spiritually-
*I loved the Lord before and I love Him with great passion now!
*I am in His Word daily, regardless of my schedule or how I feel. Before, I justified a lot of why I didn't have time for Him, knowing He would completely understand my exhaustion from the busy day!
*Before, if someone asked for prayer, I always said I would later and I did. Now, (if God prompts) I will ask them if I can pray right then for them.
*I have had the honor to lay hands on 3 sweet friends in prayer for healing in recent months.
*A year ago, I would never had dreamed of allowing my hands to lift in worship publically, it was always done in private worship. Now, I can't stop the rise of my hands in praise of my awesome God-public or private worship!
*I knew God loved me before, now I desire to live like He loves me.
*Before, my relationship with the Lord was one way-me always asking or petitioning Him for help on my behalf and/or others. It was a practical relationship. Now, I am learning to rest my soul before Him and listen. I am learning to hear Him more. I'm learning to receive Him.
*My time with the Lord was me loving Him, now, I am learning to accept His love and act in it.

I could spend hours thinking about every detail that is different in my life in just the past year. I am thankful that God is patient, forgiving and accepting. I am so glad that we change and He DOESN'T!! If you were someone looking from the outside in to my life, I am not sure what difference you would notice...if we traveled together, you would notice I drink more water than before and I get up early to meet God for coffee early in the morning! :) If we worshiped together, you would see my hands lifted in heart-felt praise. If you shared with me what is happening in your life, I am likely to pray for you right then and there. If you watched my parenting style, you might see a more heightened focus on teaching them specifics of God's character-and a constant reminder He has a specific plan and purpose for their life that no one else can fill.

These are subtle differences, hardly anything drastic or extreme. I am still just me but with a deeper, passionate, desperate love for the Lord, my Father and Redeemer, my Rock, my Savior! One day, I hope to be courageous enough to share my faith, my testimony, taking off the self-made mask and boldly share with anyone God tells me to, I pray He will continue to equip me to be an instrument for Him, I hope to fly without fear, skip over bridges, step to height's edge, I want to reflect Christ, I want to know Him more...I even want to ride some roller coasters now! Now, that is extreme!! (I can hear you already Honey...I know- you about fell off your chair when you read that BUT-baby steps...I will start with the Ropes Courses first-that's a big step!)

Friend, I pray that you take some time to look inside yourself, behind your mask. No one can change you but you. Your bad habits, your schedule-it is all a result of choices you alone have made therefore, you are the only one that can make the changes. There is a lot to be said about taking inventory, where are you know, where have you been and where are you going-physically, mentally and spiritually. If you have hit a plateau in any area of your life, see what has fallen stale and make changes to refresh and awaken. Ask God, He'll show you where He is patiently waiting for you to move forward. Your impact doesn't affect yourself alone, we affect all those around us. If you ask God, "Do you want more of me. What do you think He will say?"

God Bless you on the journey God is taking YOU through!! Let go and let God one day at a time!