My Before & After

Wow- just went over the last post-God must have had my fingers typing cuz I cannot believe what is written...but I will not delete it since it already has hit some of your emails as a follower and it is my prayer that God would give me courage to be an instrument of healing for another-so if it means putting myself out there, then so be it.
Wednesdays have become a day of reflection for me over the past year as I have committed to taking this time each week to evaluate where I am mentally and spiritually, kinda checking in with myself if you will...and ask God to show me areas that I need to work on. I never really did that before. I think most often we stop and try to figure things out once we have hit the wall in our life and we are freaking out!! My plan is to be pro-active, not re-active!!!!
During a recent bible study, our facilitator asked us, "If you were to take a Before and After picture of yourself, how have you changed?" Comparing it to before and after our salvation and even recently, a month ago, 6 months ago to now. What about you? How have you changed over the past 6 months? A year? 5 years? 10 years? It's amazing when you think about it from all aspects of physically, mentally and spiritually. I encourage you to take a few minutes and consider your Before and After snapshots...
For me, this is what I see...I am still me but there are things about me that are drastically different but I don't know that anyone would really noticed. Kinda like when you spend a whole day wiping down baseboards and cabinets and your husband comes home and says, "What have you done all day, the house is a mess!" Watch it buddy!!! It would be interesting to ask a family member or friend their opinion of how you are different, although I think so much often changes inside our head and heart. No one can see that except God, but if our heart and mind change, won't also our actions, deeds, etc? I think it does.
I would like to explore this with you, here are my notes...might be boring, so you can just Sign Out now :)
In the past year, how I am different, what I am and am not doing that I did a year ago...

Physically-
*I have lost 15 lbs-mostly due to all the stress I went through in December/January.
*Now, I am back in the gym-cardiologist said I was in poor cardio condition and needed to work out 4-5 times a week...I make it about 2-3 times, on a good week!
*Now, I hold my head high when I walk into a room vs. looking down b/c of nerves. Sounds funny, but it's big!
*Before, I used the children's nap time to work. Now, I taking advantage of the quiet time for myself to have peace and quiet, to study, read my devotionals.
*I would live on coffee and Dr Pepper before. Now, I limit my caffeine and sugar intake.
*I ate okay before, but I have incorporated even more salads into my diet.
*I use essential oils for aromatherapy, anointing and healing/health more than I did last year. (www.youngliving.org/1003168)
*I take vitamins and magnesium every day along with a beta blocker for my S.V.T.

Mentally- WORK IN PROGRESS HERE!!
*I didn't know what a panic attack was a year ago....I do now!
*I am still a bit of a worrier but am consciously working not to be.
*I am still afraid of flying, elevators, bridges, heights, but I am consciously working not to be.
*I still don't think of myself as a courageous woman, but I am asking God to help me- to be brave enough to step out on faith which is courage.
*I still feel inadequate in many areas of my life, but I am asking God to use the little of what I am and multiply it for His purposes.
*Before, when I was angry, I allowed the adrenaline to shut me down and swell inside me. Now, I am learning to speak up for self which is healthier for my body and mind.
*I could not get myself out of bed 15-30 minutes earlier to have Quiet Time with God, now I get up an hour early to have coffee with my God and I sometimes even get up before the alarm in anticipation :)

Spiritually-
*I loved the Lord before and I love Him with great passion now!
*I am in His Word daily, regardless of my schedule or how I feel. Before, I justified a lot of why I didn't have time for Him, knowing He would completely understand my exhaustion from the busy day!
*Before, if someone asked for prayer, I always said I would later and I did. Now, (if God prompts) I will ask them if I can pray right then for them.
*I have had the honor to lay hands on 3 sweet friends in prayer for healing in recent months.
*A year ago, I would never had dreamed of allowing my hands to lift in worship publically, it was always done in private worship. Now, I can't stop the rise of my hands in praise of my awesome God-public or private worship!
*I knew God loved me before, now I desire to live like He loves me.
*Before, my relationship with the Lord was one way-me always asking or petitioning Him for help on my behalf and/or others. It was a practical relationship. Now, I am learning to rest my soul before Him and listen. I am learning to hear Him more. I'm learning to receive Him.
*My time with the Lord was me loving Him, now, I am learning to accept His love and act in it.

I could spend hours thinking about every detail that is different in my life in just the past year. I am thankful that God is patient, forgiving and accepting. I am so glad that we change and He DOESN'T!! If you were someone looking from the outside in to my life, I am not sure what difference you would notice...if we traveled together, you would notice I drink more water than before and I get up early to meet God for coffee early in the morning! :) If we worshiped together, you would see my hands lifted in heart-felt praise. If you shared with me what is happening in your life, I am likely to pray for you right then and there. If you watched my parenting style, you might see a more heightened focus on teaching them specifics of God's character-and a constant reminder He has a specific plan and purpose for their life that no one else can fill.

These are subtle differences, hardly anything drastic or extreme. I am still just me but with a deeper, passionate, desperate love for the Lord, my Father and Redeemer, my Rock, my Savior! One day, I hope to be courageous enough to share my faith, my testimony, taking off the self-made mask and boldly share with anyone God tells me to, I pray He will continue to equip me to be an instrument for Him, I hope to fly without fear, skip over bridges, step to height's edge, I want to reflect Christ, I want to know Him more...I even want to ride some roller coasters now! Now, that is extreme!! (I can hear you already Honey...I know- you about fell off your chair when you read that BUT-baby steps...I will start with the Ropes Courses first-that's a big step!)

Friend, I pray that you take some time to look inside yourself, behind your mask. No one can change you but you. Your bad habits, your schedule-it is all a result of choices you alone have made therefore, you are the only one that can make the changes. There is a lot to be said about taking inventory, where are you know, where have you been and where are you going-physically, mentally and spiritually. If you have hit a plateau in any area of your life, see what has fallen stale and make changes to refresh and awaken. Ask God, He'll show you where He is patiently waiting for you to move forward. Your impact doesn't affect yourself alone, we affect all those around us. If you ask God, "Do you want more of me. What do you think He will say?"

God Bless you on the journey God is taking YOU through!! Let go and let God one day at a time!

Lord, have mercy!!

Portion from my Daily Devotional today:

For God is, indeed, a wonderful Father who longs to pour out His mercy upon us, and whose majesty is so great that He can transform us from deep within. -Teresa of Avila

"Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me." Psalm 51:10

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Pour...God longs to pour out His mercies...WOW! For ME? YES-and for YOU? YES!

Renew...will God really renew my spirit? Even in all the mess I have made, the mistakes I have made, the poor choices I have made, in the ways I grieved Him, in sorrow and trouble, in my inadequacies - He will still bless me and renew me?? The answer is YES!

"I love the Lord, for he heard my voice; He heard my cry for mercy. Because He turned His ear to me, I will call on Him as long as I live. The cords of death entangled me, the anguish of the grave came upon me; I was overcome by trouble and sorrow. Then I called on the name of the Lord: "O Lord, save me!" The Lord is gracious and righteous; our God is full of compassion. The Lord protects the simplehearted; when I was in great need, He saved me.

Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the Lord has been good to you. For you, O Lord, have delivered my soul from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling, that I may walk before the Lord in the land of the living." Psalm 116:1-9

I wonder what it was the Psalmest was going through in his life to have written this psalm. Was there a physical illness he suffered where he felt the "cords of death entangled me." Maybe it was psychological as he says " I was overcome by trouble and sorrow" and later calms his body, mind and spirit in the last half...

As someone who has suffered the incredibly frightful terror of panic attacks, I think he may have been experiencing one here. Panic attacks are scarey-bottom line. Men and women who have suffered them often find themselves in the emergency room believing they are having a heart attack. The physical pain is great and mentally you are terrified. You feel out of control...overwhelmed by your body and in your mind.

If you have never had one, you probably know someone who has. I won't take the time here, but I encourage you to Google it to have a general understanding about-symptoms, statistics, causes, healing tools, because odds are you will meet someone who has or does experience them. The attack itself can last anywhere from an hour to a minute. Mine gradually decreased in length as well as physical symptoms. Mentally, the fear-the fight or flight-it's still very real. I will say that because of God's healing and His mercy, I do not face as much of the fear as I do maybe great anxiety now.

I don't know how you feel about spiritual warfare, but I believe it is real-very real. (See scripture at the end of this blog entry if this is something new to you.) It has helped me to see fear as an entity rather than a feeling that consumes me. With a feeling, it is just there, a part of you and there is nothing you can do, it's a feeling and you must accept it. Once I made the choice to see it as an entity that I could choose to block, cast out, hand "it" over to God and allow Him to fight "it" for me, it became easier to release it to God and let go of the feeling of lack of control that consumed me. I could not control it. (I describe it to my family as a contraction that a woman feels in labor. It wells up inside you, and it swells till it engulfs you. It peaks and then gradually lessens in intensity. Unfortunately there's no epidural block for it!!)

The feeling of panic causes you to cry out for mercy in that most desperate moment-you feel entagled in death, you are full of sorrow, fear, anger, trouble...death seems like a good option in the moment! I remember telling my husband during one episode, "Honey, I think I am going to ask you to punch me out and you better make it good the first time!" I wanted the immediate escape-thankfully he didn't do it and I am so glad! I have never been hit and I hope to keep it that way!!

I will never forget New Year's Eve, we went to some friends and played Canasta -woohoo, love that game- and I had one sitting at the kitchen table in the middle of a game!! What?!? How weird! My heart began to palpitate, pain shot thru my left arm, and I began to tremble. God's sweet mercy and compassion allowed me to manage it right there in the chair without skipping a beat. Inside though, chaos was errupting!! Noticing my chills, my sweet friend was kind enough to get me a blanket cuz obviously I was chilly!! I simply said Thank You. It wasn't until months later that I shared with her why I was actually trembling and later had to excuse myself from the table to use the bathroom! Even her, being a good friend, was clueless and even now, she still cannot grasp the fact that I experienc(ed) panic and anxiety attacks. You would never imagine it...I still catch myself thinking, really?

Once I had finally fallen into a pit of darkness, flat on my face, full of compassion, God lifted me up. He quieted my soul. He has delivered my soul from death. He patiently waited for me to finally let go of my life and ask Him to take it over for me-and He did! In a moment of absolute desperation, God poured out His grace on me-let me take a moment..."Thank You Jesus! You are Redeemer, Healer, Sustainer and the Source of my strength! Oh God, Thank You for rescuing me and giving me life again. In Jesus compassionate name I offer thanksgiving, amen!"

Okay, I am back, had a moment...Tears fill my eyes in thanksgiving, what a journey He has taken me on this year! My life is soooo different and I wouldn't trade it for anything. If there was anyother way to have traveled a less painful way to Him, I would rather have taken it but this is His way, His plan for me and I accept it. Wailing to rejoicing, I am desperate not for salvation but desperate for my Daily Bread, my Breathe is His. He holds my next breath. In my weakness He is strong. His mercies are new every morning-yeah!!!

It took LOTS of prayer, LOTS and LOTS and LOTS of prayer. A LOT of desperate calling out to the Lord for mercy and grace. A LOT of trust, faith, and stillness before Him was learned...actually, still being learned:) A LOT of work went into learning about panic attacks and how to physically work through them physically and mentally. Spiritually, it is my focus to lay it down, step back and let God take over on my behalf. Seeing it as His fight, not mine gives me boundries in my mind where I know it is not my place to fight back, but trust the One who fights for me.

God has shown great mercies on me in this season off healing. Ultimately, He did what He had to to call me back into an intimate, co-dependant relationship with Him. It took disabling me physically to cause me to enable me spiritually. I cannot imagine starting a day without handing it over to Him first. I absolutely look forward to meeting Him in the morning light, every single morning!!! I thought about having a t-shirt made: BEWARE: I am Co-Dependant (Just not on YOU! Dependant upon God!) ha ha

Are you deperate for Him? Is there something in your life that causes you to feel out of control? It may not be panic or anxiety, fill in the blank and hand it over to Him. Turn your face to Him and lay it all down. I have had some people say to me, How? How do I get feel close to Him? How do I hear Him? What do I say, what should I pray? Remeber, the Lord protects the simplehearted. Keep it simple...look up, open your hands, palms up and say "God, I know You see me and I am asking You to help me. I desperately need You. Renew my soul."

God will take it from there. He will prompt you what to do next. Certainly you will find yourself reading His Word which is living, you will be facing Him more and more everyday and you will learn to hear Him. Behaviors in your life will change, your thought life will change, your spirit will be renewed. He's not a God of confusion or legistics. He is a loving, compassionate God who LOVES YOU!! He wants to pour out Himself on you, will you let Him???

"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in His mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.
Pray also for me, that whenever I open my mouth, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should." Ephesians 6:10-20

Well...."What if?"

I'd like to share a quote from my bible study today:

"When the love of God calls forth a love for God in a heart of brokenness, it spills forth in a way no happy heart can gush. The scars on my battered shoulder no longer appeared to me as random slashes but suddenly transfigured into engravings of unexpected praise and thanksgiving.

I wouldn't trade that intense season with my Redeemer for anything in this world. I lived off of Him and His promises hour by hour. I failed Him but He neither failed me nor left me in my failure."

"What if..." We say it all the time...."What if" this and "What if" that! Well, what if it does happen to you...whatever "it" is for you- What if? Would it be so bad if it came true? Just on the other side of your greatest heartbreak could be redemption. Across the bridge of intense pain, fear and illness is courage and peace that surpasses all understanding...is it worth it to you?

"Hear, O Lord, and be merciful to me; O Lord, be my help." You turned my wailing into dancing; You removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing to you and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give You thanks forever." Psalm 30:10-12

Can you say Thank You for this trial you are walking me through, knowing that He will meet you with more than you could imagine? In mourning, can you dance for Jesus, can you praise Him in unexpected thanksgiving?

"You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, the Lord, is the Rock eternal." Isaiah 26:3-4

Trust...do you trust God enough to not be afraid, not to worry and not to fret over the unknown circumstances you are facing in your life right now? He is your Rock, your Sustainer and He will be your Strength but you must trust Him. You must believe He is who He says He is and He will do what He says He will do! He is trustworthy!

"But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you. Peace I leave with you; My peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14:26-27

Peace...can you find peace in your pain? In the midst of the storm you are facing or maybe standing in, do you have peace? True peace cannot come from within yourself, it is not a technique learned, it is a Gift which you must simply accept. Peace is the Holy Spirit that dwells within each believer. Do not be afraid-trust God and accept His peace. It's amazing that you can be in midst of absolute chaos in your life-your mind may be completely scattered-your heart may be broken pieces like a jigsaw puzzle...but you can still have peace within your soul. WOW!

How do you get that??? Trust God's character and His Word-His promises. HE LOVES YOU and He's not going anywhere! People come and go in our lives, friends may betray you or abandon you, but God will never leave you. He stands constantly before you with open arms, waiting for you to come into His fellowship which is so sweet and everlasting.

"Never will I leave you or forsake you." Hebrews 13:5

"The God of peace will soon crush Satan under your feet. The grace of our Lord Jesus be with you." Romans 16:20

"May the Lord Himself, who is our source of peace, give you peace at all times and in every way. The Lord be with you all." II Thess 3:16

Satan would love nothing more than to convert you into a Grumpy Bean. How can he do that? He will begin by surrounding you with negative thoughts, negative people, negative circumstances with negative outlooks...that will get you discouraged in a hurry! A grumpy, discouraged Christian..how likely do you think he/she is going to be spreading God's love to those around them? More than likely not at all! They are too pouty, grumpy and negative. They are Guest of Honor at their own Pity party and you're invited!!

Someone asked me what kind of friends do I have and it didn't take long to answer that one. I believe that God crosses our paths with people for a moment in time, for a day, a short season in our life and He gives us lifelong relationships. I believe that each person He crosses our path with, for however long it may be, is in your life for a reason. I don't know that we intentionally pick who our friends are, I feel God makes constant divine appointments in our day/season/life. God may use one of us to reveal something to the other or it may be a mutual edification or intervention. God sees the big picture and we just don't!

However, who we choose to spend time with-that is our choice. It's important to look at our motives when choosing where our time and energy go. Do we pick to get to know this one over here because she can benefit me in some way...or maybe her over there because she is pretty high up in the chain and if I got to know her, I would have a better chance at getting the promotion. How about this girl, she's got lots of money, I bet she'd support my cause if I could get to know her better.

Opposite from our benefit, do we ignore getting to know another because they may be different than us...maybe their background is vastly different than ours was...maybe they are poor and not as well-kept as we'd like to be around. Maybe this guy over here is going trough a tough time and I just don't want to have to listen to all the crying and complaining after working all day...

For me, I am about loving the Lord. Scripture says "Bad company corrupts good character", so that is how I choose who will be allowed close to my heart. That does not mean I will not hang around with those different than me for Jesus said be in the world not of it. I think God has special lessons to teach and to be learned from each person-no matter if they are saved or not saved, rich or poor, healthy or sick. As Jesus lived here and walked here, He fellowshiped with everyone, no one is excluded from God's fellowship. We should not draw imaginary "do not cross this line" because you don't know if this person may be a divine appointment in your day.

But, think about who surrounded Him-a close group that loved Him, were loyal (almost all) to Him, respected Him and protected Him. No, they weren't perfect friends of Jesus. They didn't "get Him" many times but they were His inner circle. Their hearts were open to Him and He hand picked them to accompany His journey.

So, for me, my inner circle is a select few. I don't go around telling everyone "I love you" and telling everyone they are my very Best Friend. There are so many levels of "love" and God says "love your neighbor" and I do, but in a world that is so caught up in status and networking, I am careful with my words...what I share and who with. I admit I am pretty guarded and God is patiently allowing me opportunities to "open up" and be more vulnerable. I tend to be friend(ly) with everyone for the above mentioned reasons, old or young, but my inner circle is occupied with women who love the Lord. They are godly women of good character, not perfect women because none of us are that and if we are looking for that perfect friend, you will be waiting forever! I surround myself with women who seek Him in their life and they are eager to share this journey, in good and bad times, whether happy/sad, scarey/safe- with me. Jesus Christ is the only perfect friend you will ever have in this lifetime and in the next!! HE is my very Best Friend and I can say wholeheartedly I Love Him!!!

Who do you surround yourself with? Are you someone others would say has "good character?" It is important that we take time to look in the mirror too! Do you have a select few that you can share the journey of life with? Do you have Sisters that will speak truth to you even if it hurts? Are the women in your life god-fearing, god-loving women who are instruments pouring out more of Him into your life? If so, thank them for their sweet friendship. Praise God for this gift. If you don't, if many of your inner circle has moved or God has passed you through another season in your life, I encourage you to pray, asking God to restore or replace these once precious places in your heart and in your life.

I have four children at home and when I need a time of refreshing, I don't want to hang out with a bigger-sized whiner! Now that doesn't mean that we can't whine every now and then, there's a difference between momentary complaining about a situation you may be dealing with and having bad character-gossiper, slander, pot-stirrer/instigator. We all have bad days and even tough seasons in our lives that God has us walk through. That's what a dear friend is for-to walk with you, along side the shakey road and steady you as you go. A good friend not only picks you up when you fall, they make sure you get back on your two feet again and walk with ya a bit.

"And we urge you, brothers, warn those who are idle, encourage the timid, help the weak, be patient with everyone." I Thess 5:14

When the "What if's" come in your life, it's those special few that tell you the truth. They are the ones that focus you on the Lord, keeping His promises fresh in your mind. God uses them as instruments of comfort and healing, wisdom and joy in our uncertainties. They remind us of who God still is...He is faithful, trustworthy, He is able to do immeasurably more than we can ever imagine! Be careful to guard your hearts and minds by protecting yourself not only from other nay-sayers, "What if-ers," but from yourself too! Get past your doubt-confess your unbelief and TRUST GOD! Stop trying to do this life in your strength-lay down all pride and human logic, knowledge and understanding down at His feet. Next time you are facing uncertainty and fear, anger or heartache...ask God to transform the scars to engravings of His mercies.

"The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, He leads me beside quiet waters, He restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for His name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever."

Psalm 23:1-6

"Thank You God for leading me beside quiet waters when all I can feel is raging storms all around me. Even though what I may be walking through looks like death on the other side, I will not fear for You are near. There is nothing that You cannot handle Lord. I may not feel that I can handle one more painful moment, but You can cause my cup to overflow. When my thinking turns to the "What if's", Father would You help me capture that thought the instant I fear and cast it as far as the East is from the West?

Quiet my heart, mind and soul that it may fill with Your endless peace. I trust You God in the storm. I even praise You in the storm because I know You are still there holding me, carrying me in it. God, it's Your storm anyway and it submits under Your powerful hand. Help me to not fear and see the tidal waves but to see You hand directing me through it. Wipe away my fear tears so that I may see You clearly.

Better one day in Your presence than a lifetime without. Direct my path dear God, lead me and I will follow, as long as You lead...I will go.

Thank You for sending us instruments of grace, our friends whom You kindly give to us for such a time as this...when we fall, they are there to remind us of Your greatness and when we celebrate, they are there to praise You with us! May we dance with joy celebrating You! In one spirit, receive our praise and worship in Jesus name!

I will not want...I will not fear...I will not wonder "What if" for YOU ARE WITH ME!! If I could shout it from the mountaintop I would- YOU ARE AN AMAZING GOD WHO DOES AMAZING THINGS! My heart overflows tonight God for the great things You have done! The more I seek You, the more I Love You, amen!"

Part Two of Backward and Forward

Ok, so after my last entry this morning, I headed off to the gym to get in a much needed workout! I was reminded of a recent conversation I had with a girlfriend about working out. You know, we eat chips and salsa, donuts, cakes and cookie 5 days a weeks and then we wonder why are my pants tight?!? So, we head to the gym or go for a run to hide or work off the consequences of what we just did. The choices we make affect our now and our future, whether it be physical, spiritual or emotionally.

If you eat junk, you will not become healthy. So, make healthy choices and you will have healthier results.

If you tell yourself you are ugly, stupid, worthless or coming down with some horrible disease, why are you surprised that you feel this way?? So, watch your words-don't hand over an invitation to Satan to bring on trouble-believe that no matter what you think you are, you need to know and accept that God has made you something beautiful and worthwhile with a plan and purpose that only YOU can fill.

If you do not spend time studying God's Word and developing a relationship with Him, then you won't hear Him. So, make time with God a priority and hear His still small whispers.

Again, the choices we make impact our here and now, into our future. They say one look into someone's check book and you will see their priorities. How about in your heart and mind? If there was software that people could buy to read your mind-would you worry? I might a little. It would be embarrassing for others to truly know how cowardly and insignificant I actually felt about myself and my impact on the kingdom.

In the beginning of my healing process with fear and anxiety, I was given a book to read called Jesus Loves Me. WOW! There is so much to chew on in it. Recently, I bought it for myself and it is almost completely high-lighted there is so much I want to get that I relate to-my self defeating thoughts. I imagine I will read it a dozen times more before it all sinks into my thick skull. It addresses the main concept that Jesus Loves You with a passion. He accept you in your good and bad-even despite your bad. He accepts me just as the me He created me to be. There's nothing I can do to affect that. He loves each of us-me and you- sacrificially!

My thoughts-that's what I am working on in my life right now. Well...one of MANY things but it is definitely top 2!! I have become really good at wearing a mask for fear that others wouldn't accept me in my good and my bad, so if I just put the best foot forward and pretend that everything else is great-then I won't be judged, criticized, made fun of. Am I the only one that does this? I wonder. I was convicted about one of the lines in the book:..searching for someone to be trusted with who we are "only to find in experience that too often the only communication we are ever offered is mask to mask, not face to face." OUCH for being the one wearing the mask and SADNESS for being the one looking for genuine communication.

God is growing me in this and I really have to focus on Him! Bottom line is TRUST! Do I? Can I? Will I trust God with my heart, mind and soul? I should for He loves me unconditionally. He will never forsake me-even when I have turned my back on Him, He will stand faithful waiting for my return to Him in open embrace. I cannot live a life concerned with what others will think of me. My attention and focus needs to be on the Lord, am I pleasing HIM! Am I obeying His commands? Am I following His lead? Will I fail? Maybe -it will be okay because I trust Him to stay by my side, pick me up and wipe away the dirt and tears. This has been my prayer-help me find me-help me see the me that You Lord see. Take off my mask for others to see my deep love for You in that in my failing, in my weakness, in my mistakes, You God have made me strong-You accept me and love me no matter what! Let Your light shine in my life to draw other closer to You God. Make me nothing and fill me with Your everything! Awaken my Spirit to truth, hope and faith in living a life full out in love with You!

So, back to the choices we make today. We cannot change what we have already done. Where we have walked is where we have walked. However, your next step IS up to you. Are you going to make a choice that promotes good, pleases God alone, brings God honor-not self? Obviously, even our best intentions can lead to bad choices. We are going to make mistakes. While man looks at your actions, God sees your heart. Our intent should be to seek God and follow His lead the best you know how and trust Him with the results. Take off the self made mask and ask God to reveal Himself more clearly to you and through you. It may be a painful little journey exposing that freshness in being vulnerable to the outside world. No pain no gain! Face your fear of judgment and failure, in the hopes that God may be lifted high through your willingness to be real in the life of others and for yourself!

God doesn't play Peek A Boo-He sees more than you yourself can see! TRUST HIM!! You CAN! You should! HE LOVES YOU and ME UNCONDITIONALLY!!! GOOD AND BAD-HE LOVES YOU!

"Thank You Patient and Sovereign Lord for waiting for me to blossom into the person You designed me to be. Thank You for opportunities recently to peek out from behind my mask through my bible studies, sharing with others about my journey with You, through this blog and with Sisters You have blessed me with. You are such a gentle and gracious God. There really is NONE like You. I worship You with all my heart! I LOVE YOU LORD GOD! In the sweet name of Your Son, amen!"

Jesus loves you! "Only God, in Jesus Christ, can meet the needs of your heart. In His presence we can be what we are w/o fear...take off your mask!" "Blossom in the sunshine of His love."

Going Forward and Backward

"Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."
Philippians 3:13-14

Oh how good we are at looking backwards into our past to determine what we should do in the future. You've heard it said "To predict future behavior, look at their past behaviors"...I am NOT a counselor, so I say this in my own opinion, but as a Believer, I don't agree completely. I think our past is the past and we must continually be "straining toward what's ahead" pressing on to the goal and reward ahead of us. If you are caught up in habitual sin, then yes, you will continue to sin until you confess it, ask forgiveness and sin no more. But, if God has revealed an area of sin or disobedience in your life and you acknowledge it, confess it and ask God to purify your heart and mind-then your future behaviors should be different. You will no longer make the same choices thus giving you different results.

"Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out His love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom He has given us." Romans 5:1-5

So, is looking back a bad thing? I think No. It depends on why you are looking back in the past. If you are reflecting back on the mercies, the redemption, the grace and compassion God has given you through past trials, then there is great encouragement to remember His grace given to you in those moments. But if you glance back and feel condemnation and judgment, and this is what you use to determine how you will make choices for your future, you won't be walking ahead, but backwards. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results.
How are we going to live a different life, a holy life full of grace and faith if we feel the condemnation and unworthiness from our past failures. We can't!!
We all have scares from our past, some are deeper than others. We may still be suffering the consequences of past mistakes. Do we think God's grace isn't enough? That He must not be able to use us, help us in our current affliction...we are unworthy of being anything worthwhile because we have made mistakes in the past? What a lie from the evil one!! We are absolutely valuable and His grace IS sufficient. He showed us how valuable we were on the Cross!
God allows us to suffer and make mistakes so that we feel our humanness. Without Him we are weak, we will make bad decisions. We must rest assured that He sees us and He never leaves us. His grace is sufficient for every moment we face, certain and uncertain.
I have been on an intense journey with the Lord these past 10 months and I can't help but look back. If I look back and see my fear, my anxiety, my failures, where I didn't trust and depend on Him, then I feel bad-unworthy-hypocritical and I am right back into the place of being a failure. This doesn't move me forward but backwards! However, if I look back over these past 10 months and I see where in my fear, anxiety, failures, God met me-He gave me grace-He held me tight with compassion-He provided strength and grace within the affliction-THEN I am encouraged, empowered, strengthened and motivated to take the next step.
A close friend of mine and I were talking about what God has done in my life over the past year and a half. Although a little painful, I am thankful we took time to visit the past. We just didn't hang out there!!! I had a yearning, a thirst for God that I couldn't seem to satisfy. I was craving a deeper, more intimate relationship with my God but I couldn't get more of Him. I prayed for boldness, courage in my faith, in my walk, in every area of my life. I attended a woman's bible study hoping that it would hold me accountable thru the daily homework to find Him and He would make me into a bold, fearless woman of God proclaiming Him from the mountaintops. I had forgotten about these prayers and desires. Careful what you ask for. Funny though, I thought He would just hand them over to me-transform me when I awoke in the morning into a confident, faithful and beautiful servant of Him. Nope-He wasn't handing it over on a silver platter. I look back now and see his ways were certainly not my ways. I thought He wasn't hearing me because the transformation wasn't happening like I expected.
All in His timing-His ways! Entering this season-not day- but season of pain, affliction and suffering has slowly refined me, transformed me. No, I do not feel I have all the courage and confidence and boldness I wish I had, I am still growing and learning. I will say that He is working though. I am task oriented and I like to plan and make lists that I can check off what has been accomplished, but my impatience gets me in a tiff....God, where's my boldness?? Where's my courage and strength??? I want it NOW! You know, He has given me more today than yesterday, and there's more than the day before that and so on. Like a flower planted, slowly it takes root and blooms with the nutrients provided every day. Every day God meets me. Every day He provides more of Him...and He is an infinite God!
My Friend, wherever you are today, I pray you find yourself moving onward. Take a moment and look back with the purpose of finding those grace moments, see how God has carried you all this time. Then, move forward. He has a specific plan and purpose for your life and there is nothing He allows to happen to you that doesn't accomplish that specific goal in His divine plan. Is He pruning you right now? Are you going through a trial and you don't understand why? Do you find yourself making the same mistakes over and over? Are you waiting for something to come to you in the way you expect it to?
Trust Him, not yourself. Seek first the kingdom-not yourself for you are not the Master Planner. Stick with the plan! Dwell on His awesomeness! He is near-He is near!

"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things." Philippians 4:6-8

Kingdom Encouragement

 I have said many times to friends in fun, "It's not about you...it's about Him!" It isn't easy but it is so true. The world we live in bombards us daily with self-gratifying messages-You deserve it, Go for it, You're #1, Nothing else matters,  It's all about you, Whatever it takes, and so on and so on...
Today in our Bible Study we talked about this...getting past ourselves and into the lives of others-encouraging others. As a young Mommy, with 4 little ones, a husband, a pup and a cat...it's not easy finding the extra time or energy to share deeply into the lives of others. However, am I to live in my own little 3,000sq ft bubble for the next 18 years?!? No. We have become so preoccupied with ourselves that our time and energy reflect busy lives of to-do's and we become very self-centered. It should be family-first, however, when was the last time you took time out of your day or your week to encourage someone? More than just a passing "high 5" or a "Good to see ya" in the hallways or out front with the neighbor...but truly taking the time and effort to encourage and lift up another in your life?
Like anything, there is blessing when we devote ourselves to a relationship with our spouse, our children, our co-workers, our friends, our community...our God, because they grow us in countless ways. Beautiful relationships are not bought or borrowed. They are a product of love, nurturing and growth. Anything that involves growth, takes time, planning and commitment. Like a plant, you don't buy the seed packet at the garden store, take it home and lay it on the ground where you imagine it would one day grow! It must be cared for, and that takes work. No, that is not laborous work, just effort, a commitment to care for.
Imagine your relationship with your spouse, children, friends, if you never took the time and effort to express love for one another, have open communication, enjoying and living life together, sharing your plans and dreams, your hurts and fears, and really caring for one another. You would simply be two people co-existing in the same place. You would be two seeds tossed on the ground side by side. But imagine if someone came along and picked you up, found a special place in their life for you and tenderly set you in. You are in nurtured soil where you can dig your roots in and grow. You have been encouraged to be a better, more beautiful you in this nurturing environment.
God can do this. He is your caregiver if you allow Him, He has others working on His behalf to be His hands and feet here on earth. He brings other relationships within our family, within our circle of friends, our neighbors, our church body that encourage us to grow. 
How long has it been since you took the time to stop and evaluate the relationships around you? Are they healthy? Are they all about you? Are they all about them? Do you nurture each other? Are they growing you or hindering you? Proverbs 27:17, Iron sharpens iron.
When I take inventory about the people in my life, I see such a vast scope of how we are connected. To some, we are close because of shared history, we have know one another for years and share life stories with eachother as we grow old together. While others share common interest with the kids. Still, others have mentored me in my marriage and in parenting as I flow from one season to the next as they have already walked the season ahead of me. In some, I am the mentor to the younger. A large many are simply acquaintances either because we know one another from a corporate group, neighbors, or maybe a friend of a friend.
Then there are the dear friends, ones you share those tears with, run errands with, take off the mask of who you want everyone else to think you are-but not them. We can tell them when we are angry, scared, hurt and sometimes, they may even see it before you do and they love you enough to call you out on it. They share our joys, successes and celebrate the smallest accomplishment to the biggest achievement! What an incredible blessing to have these kind of friends in your life. For me, they are an answered prayer after years of praying that God would grant me the privilege to have a close few that would sharpen me to be the person God created me to be. 
Are you that kind of friend to another? Is there commitment in your heart to put forth the time and effort to be that kind of friend? Yes, it takes time out of our week and space in our heart, but isn't it a priceless cost? It's really in investment into the Kingdom's economy. God may cross two people's paths but it's up to them to embrace it and allow God to enter in-putting His principles into place to make it grow to be a beautiful reflection of who He is which is loving, forgiving, accepting, caring, kind, compassionate...and fun! What a joy to share life and love in the name of Jesus!
As we talked about this morning, we need to get out of ourselves and invest in God's kingdom by encouraging those around us more often (those we know and those we don't). When we bless, we are blessed! Some of us have been stuck in a pity party and everyone is invited! How often we take for granted the richness around us. How long has it been since you looked your spouse or your child in the eye and said "I Love You and I am committed to loving and cherishing you with all my heart!" How about a friend, "I appreciate you and I am thankful for the gift you are in my life!" This takes effort! This involves setting yourself down and focusing on the needs outside of yourself. Oh, how we love to have those pity parties!
This is not to say that we are going to have a bad day, because we are, and that is okay. But we cannot get stuck there and settle there. God created us to be a community, to live a life of joy and love with those around us. His second greatest command is Love one another!! It's not all about YOU!
I will share with you the challenge I gave: This week, will you take an intentional moment and step into the life of another and bless them? This can be a letter of appreciation to someone in your life...family, friend, co-worker, community leaders, maybe your kid's teachers, etc. Maybe a note, letter, gift, email to a friend-encouraging them in their walk with the Lord, their day. Maybe you know someone facing a trial and is in desperate need of hope and a tangible gift of love. Sometimes, you may encourage someone who you'd have no clue what they were dealing with in their life, but God was using you to be a grace gift in that moment. So often it has happened to me when my heart is shattered on the inside and someone comes along unknowing, and blesses my heart, bring me back to hope and joy. Be intentional to reach out and bless.

"let us draw near to God with a sincere heart and with the full assurance that faith brings, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching." Hebrews 10:22-25 NIV

Here's how you start: 
Step one is PRAY! Offer thanksgiving for all those God has placed in your life. 
Step Two: Ask. Ask God to show you who He wants you to love on this week (and yes, it can be more than one person!!) 
Step Three: Seek-we are all so different in how we relate to others so do what fits your personality and meet the need God has shown you. 
Step Four: Act! Keep it simple and make the commitment just to encourage SOME ONE!
In doing this, you are sharing Christ. You are loving one another with the same love Christ Jesus loves you! He is committed to you. He adores you and He knows you historically, practically, intimately and extravagantly! It's not about you...it's about Him!! May sharing this gift not be a one time thing, but a way of life, to love one another in the sweet name of Jesus!

Pain and Joy of Pruning

Months ago, I asked my husband to take the kids to allow me a weekend of Me Time. I have been so excited about this upcoming weekend. I am staring at a bowl full of chocolates. I have waited for this day! This morning began with a cup of coffee, two scrambled eggs and two chocolate chip peanut butter cookies made for me by a friend in celebration of my big weekend. It was awesome because had the kids been here-no cookies for breakfast!!! What a treat!
But you know, the reason I wanted this weekend was not for a break from my loving husband or my four great kids..but as an opportunity of growth for all of us. I chose to make this weekend about me-taking time to do what I want which right now is placing myself in God's hands for more than just an hour at a time. Sit before Him and listen more intently, study Him deeply, hear His whispers. A sabbatical if you will. I cannot remember the last time I had a night alone much less a weekend...it was time for me to take time for me. As much as I have wanted it and looked forward to it, it was also difficult to follow through with, but I forced myself to do this
for myself.
I am the commander in chief, the conflict resolver, the chef, the nurturer, the helper, the cleaner, the scheduler, the planner, the nurse, the wife and friend. Here is an opportunity for me to not be in control of everything and I say that with seriousness. I plan and I organize as much as I can, it minimizes chaos but it also creates co-dependency on me for every need one of them has.
Letting go of that control is not easy. Ultimately, it means letting go and giving it over to God. HE will provide for them, HE will protect them. Then for the kids, they have to step it up a little and think a little more for themselves, figure things out with The Fixer getting involved.
For the toddlers, it is a healthy stretch for them to have space from Mom so they know they can function without me right there. For my spouse, I imagine and hope for a refreshed appreciation of all that Mom does, handles and takes care of daily in the lives of 4 kids! We'll see!!
So, it started out fun and enjoyable...chocolates, precious fellowship, jamming out to my IPod-past the typical 8pm bedtime for the kids...then Satan began to plot. Nothing like a little panic attack to throw a kink in the mood, the plan...it didn't start with me though. It was my daughter. As a parent, wouldn't you take pain on behalf of your kids if you could? I know, we learn from our pain, but still, you want to take it for them...she's only 4 yrs old but she has had anxiety and fear since she was in the infant car seat, months old. She would raise her arm over her eyes to avoid eye contact with whoever is trying to start a conversation with her. As she got older, it was not making eye contact, walking into classrooms was intimidating, being left with a babysitter. You want your child to be confident and happy and it is heart breaking when they are not. When they are afraid.
Today, being away from me was scary for her. Even though Daddy and her brothers were there, she is dependent on me to be her steady rock. I have spent lots of time with her teaching her that Jesus is always with her, wherever she goes...but at her sweet little fearful age, she finds great comfort being with me. I knew this would be a good opportunity for her to work some of this pain out in our short separation.
That is exactly what God did with me back in December 2008. He allowed me to be removed from His fellowship and it was hard. It must have been hard for Him too. He loves His children. He loved His Son but was willing to see Him hurting, in tears for the redemption of all of us, to restore fellowship with each one of us. Pain was the root of the gain. So it is this weekend.
I talked with her several times on the phone, encouraging and loving, focusing her on truths but in her mind, she still wasn't home and with her Moma. Somehow I felt it in my body minutes after talking with her. A wave of panic passed through my body only lasting 30 seconds. I knew it was Satan plotting to shake me up but I received it as a fresh and real reminder of where I have come from and where I am going. I am heading straight for Jesus.
He is all I want.
He is all I need.
I know in those days back when I first experienced the panic attacks that it must have been hard for God to allow me to fall and watch me work it out. It took this isolation, this fearful separation from His presence to make me really seek Him. To be desperate for Him, recognizing this was a place I never ever want to be again. I never want to be outside of His will for me. I will never be too busy to build a relationship with my Daddy God.
Tonight, I studied and it didn't take long for God to hand over some personal "Michele To Do's." I guess He heard about my weekend plans to study and grow in Him...funny how that works!
Pruning is hard work, for the plant and the gardener. The plant might loose a little edge, baring it's raw edges and it's bare roots. It is vulnerable till it develops new covering. In this vulnerable time we need to stand guard, stand firm, be watchful for attacks from the enemy. What a blessing to have friends...precious sisters in Christ who are willing to help you stand firm and stand guard with you.
There is a difference of depending on someone for help and receiving encouragement from another. It is important that we do not become co-dependent on another for our courage and our peace. Our comfort, peace and strength should come from God. How far can human comfort and strength take you, I would say not too far from where you already are. But God's comfort and strength is powerful, endless and brings peace. God will bring you comfort and strength through another, as a vessel, maybe someone being His hands and feet to help you stand. There is power in that-if it is from God-it is beneficial, real and life-changing. It is so important that we all have that special few to pick us up off the floor when we have fallen. Ones who can see that you have fallen, that you are weak and vulnerable, in need of divine intervention. That's a treasure worth finding, cherishing and protecting.
For the gardener, it's not easy chopping off sometimes beautiful flowers on the tips of your plant but you do it because the upcoming season it will be healthier and produce much more. The choice seems obvious.
With us too...God will prune you when you need to grow a little more. Maybe there are some dead branches that are ineffective or distractive. Or maybe there is a beautiful display of a dozen blossoms but He knows He can prune it to bring twice as many for next season...pruning is a good thing. But I tell ya, I went from fun and chocolate now to tears of joy and tears of pain. As much as I dislike the pain and discomfort of being vulnerable and exposed, I trust my gardener that He knows exactly how much to take from me in exchange for something better.
"Oh Great and Mighty, honestly, I look back at the past 10 months and as much as I hate it and wish it would have never happened...in the same breathe, if You asked me to choose between No Fear/Anxiety and live a life separated from You or a life consumed by You with grace for the fear...I would choose a life consumed by You. Father search me and clean me. Mold me into a beautiful instrument to be used by You for You. I do not want what I have gone through to become dead to me. Thank You for reminding me tonight that You are in control, not me. It is You through me that helps, nurtures, ministers, protects my family..it's not of me...it's all You! You hold me in the palms of Your hand.
I want to be more effective. In my life, in my weakness, You are my strength. Lord, replace in me my ways with Yours. Shape me, prune me even if it leaves me looking not so pretty for a short time. Bless those who You have given to me to help me stand guard. Help us all to be better protectors and encouragers in each other's lives. Help me to surrender it all down before Your throne, trusting Your plan and Your purpose. May Your Light reflect off me to bring others towards You. I love You, my Alpha and Omega, God Almighty, keep me close. Hold me near. In You I place my trust and my hope. Help me to sustain and endure the pruning process for this season. In Your Precious, Holy and Sovereign Name, amen."

"Double Date"

DOUBLE FEATURE: Toy Story 1 & 2

Tonight I had a "Double Date" for the first time in a LONG time! I cannot remember the last time I saw TWO movies in a row...especially in the theaters!! (Date Night really changes when you factor in the cost to pay a babysitter!!!)
Well, tonight I was out with my Cody! What a fun night being able to hang out with him. As the middle child, sometimes he gets lost in the shuffle between the babies and the big brother. I try to make time with each one and in a perfect world, I would have an hour a day with one on one time with each of the four, but we don't, so I can't! I do what I can though and tonight was a great night for it. He was much younger when Toy Story 1 came out so he was seeing it for the first time really. And it has been years for me and I barely remembered either one...having children will chip away at those already scattered memory cells!!
Not many of our movies have such obvious story lines of good choices and good character anymore. There were quite a few upcoming children's movies that look interesting, so we will see. Now a days it seems it's more about action, battles/wars/fights and love interests. What happened to the values, virtues, friends, perseverance, making good choices? It was refreshing to watch a movie that placed a high value on honesty, teamwork and friendship. The relationship between the toys and their "boy", the faithful and strong bonds between the toys/friends...refreshing!
My favorite part was looking over at my Cody and sharing the moment with him. We laughed, we cuddled and we shared a LOT of candy!!! What I will take away from tonight was a refreshing night with him. I will forget much of the movie, but I will never forget the night I ate so much candy and laughed at the silly lines in the movie with him.
You know, I imagine God feels the same with us. He enjoys our fellowship, no matter where we are or what we are doing, He seeks to spend time with each of His children. Amazingly for Him, He is Omnipresent, so HE CAN spend every moment of every day with each of His children. How cool! We are so blessed to have a refreshing, constant fellowship with our Heavenly Father that is everlasting!! He shares every moment with us.

"Thank You Dear God for Your refreshing fellowship, it is so sweet. Help me to remember that it is not so much what we are doing , it is more that we are simply spending time in fellowship together, smiling, laughing or crying...we are sharing precious moments. May my life reflect Your friendship, Your love and Your joy with those around me.
Thank You for the friends near and the friends far, Lord, would You bless them today with all that they need and more. Touch them and grant them extra joy, peace and love in their lives. Thank You for being the very Best Friend anyone could ever have!! Your fellowship is so sweet to me!
Lord, may I never minimize our time together or make it more work than it needs to be. But to just be with You, in the moment where we are. In the Name of Jesus I pray protection around my time, guard it and define it to best please You...continue to bless me with precious time with You every morning, individual time with each of my children and my spouse. I ask protection around my friends and my family, through our relationships, may we all be living examples of Your gentleness and faithfulness.
'There is none like You. No One else can touch my heart like You do. I could sing for all eternity long and find, there is none like You.....' amen."

The Little Girl in Me

Don't we all have that little girl inside that just wants to get out and play...explore the huge world around you but we don't allow ourselves the time to break out of our busyness to be that Princess or Explorer? For girls, we are drawn to the puffy princess gowns, sparkle jewelry, make up, painting our nails, tea parties and chocolate!! I am actually a little different...I love to have girl time and dress up (not glitz and glam-but simply wearing make up and styling the hair, add in some earrings!!-I consider myself dressed up!! woo-hoo!) but I am also super comfy in jeans and a long sleeve t-shirt! With this Texas heat, I have to settle for short sleeve though. If I could, I would sport my pj's all day!! I love pj's of any kind, flannel, silk, long dress, pant sets...as long as it is comfy!! Can't forget the slippers! :)

My most treasured jewelry is my wedding ring and my Mother's bracelet. I wear them every day! I think my daughter is a lot like me. She loves to play dress up with all the fluff she can fit into, all the bling around the neck and in the hair but she will take it all off to play football or chase with the boys outside in the mud! We both love chocolate treats and have a love for animals! She has a love for life, she is strong-willed, and she is a bit shy and overwhelmed in the crowds.
I love being a Mom. My daughter newest call for me is "Mom-uh." Not to be confused with "Mama." I love that sweet name. It is a high calling to be entrusted with God's little creations. While she completely trusts me to care for her, kiss her boo-boos and teach her how to do every new thing, I am completely trusting God to show me how to do all that with each passing season in each of my children's lives!!

Here are some of my favorite pics with my little girl who constantly reminds me to play!! (Actually, she begs...constantly! I have to remind myself to enjoy this as one day, she will have a crowded schedule of school, work and friends.) Hope you enjoy our pig-tailed moments from the past year! Thanks for allowing me to share these personal moments with you.
I pray you will take time to play in your week! Grab your daughter or a girlfriend and just be girls, have lunch, go get your nails done, go shopping (for fun-not grocery shopping!!), pick flowers at the park, watch a girl movie, put on pj's and walk down memory lane with a family photo album. Whatever brings out your inner child, do it! Enjoy the gift of Sisterhood!!
"Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it." Proverbs 22:6

"There, in the presence of the Lord your God, you and your families shall eat and shall rejoice in everything you have put your hand to, because the Lord your God has blessed you." Deuteronomy 12:7

Current Family Motto

DICKERSON FAMILY MOTTO

“Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing. Now we ask you, brothers, to respect those who work hard among you, who are over you in the Lord and who admonish you. Hold them in the highest regard in love because of their work. Live in peace with each other.

And we urge you, brothers, warn those who are idle, encourage the timid, help the weak, be patient with everyone. Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always try to be kind to each other and to everyone else.” I Thessalonians 5:11-15

Specifically To the Adults: “You must teach what is in accord with sound doctrine. Teach the older men to be temperate, worthy of respect, self-controlled, and sound in faith, in love and in endurance. Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.

Similarly, encourage the young men to be self-controlled. In everything set them an example by doing what is good. In your teaching show integrity, seriousness and soundness of speech that cannot be condemned, so that those who oppose you may be ashamed because they have nothing bad to say about us.” Titus 2:1-8

Specifically To the Children: “Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.” Colossians 3:20

“Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.” Ephesians 6:1

The Privilege Card

Well, for the lucky few, they received a privilege Card from the teachers today. There was no mistaking that my 7th grader had received one when he burst through the door today exclaiming, "Mom, the greatest thing -ever- happened today!!!" He then flashed me The card! He was beyond thrilled and couldn't wait to share it with me the moment he got home. For the next 6 weeks, he will get to go to lunch 2 minutes earlier, along with several other special things! The catch is...it expires after the 6 week period is over. Then, a new one must be earned.
Can you imagine if God handed out privilege cards for us and they expired after 6 weeks? Would we ever get one? There is no one perfect except God. Hard as we try to make the right choices in everything we do, we are going to make a wrong choice sometimes, and that is okay...we are sinners saved by grace, not by our perfection. God will forgive your "wrong choices" but you also need to forgive yourself and move on.

"Thank You Lord that I do not have to continuously earn my privileges with You. Rewards are great and so are Your blessings, but it is and will be my absolute privilege to worship You, face to face. I do not take for granted Your unconditional love, Your forgiveness, Your patience. The fact that You can see me for me, who I am, what I am, where I have been...and You still give me the privilege card to Heaven which I do not have to earn and does not expire...wow! YOU ARE AN AMAZING GOD!!! amen"

The Faith of a Child

"Mommy, I am sacred."
"You are going to be okay, trust me honey."

As a Mom, I do my best to challenge, encourage and expose my children to life through the eyes of faith. I would never place them in danger or harms way, nor would I ever leave their side as they step into a new venture.

Today, I loaded up the "babies" who are 2 & 4 years old into the bike carrier and took off for a bike ride this morning. It ended being quite the cardio workout with all the wind. I am already towing two children that weigh 34 lbs each, plus the carrier cart!! It wasn't long before I was huffing and puffing, I needed this workout needless to say!! We wove through the streets enjoying all the squirrels and birds loading up on their morning delights.

Half way home, we stopped to play at the neighborhood playground. it was as if they had just entered a candy store with so many choices. Eventually, we made it to the Web I think it is called. A fireman's pole stands in the center and from it branch out arched ladders to climb up to the top of the pole. My 2 year old went straight for it. Just as he approached the tippy top, as it arched, he became uncertain, a little shakey. Of course, I was right under him ready to catch him should he slip and fall. He began to cry, "Mommy, I can't do it." It only took me looking in his eyes and saying, "Yes you can!!! Mommy is right here. You are going to be okay, so come on." And he said ,"Ohhhh..." He knows me therefore he trusts me. He couldn't decide which way to go, so he asked me and I told him to just climb back down as I showed him where to place his foot to start down the path. Once he stepped out, he got it and was back safely on solid ground with 15 seconds flat. I then went through the same thing with the following 4 year old. Soon, we were off to the swings and laughter flew!

If you have given over your life to God, if you have made the personal decision to follow Him, believing and trusting that He loves you unconditionally, you believe He sent His Son to die on the cross for your sins, and He rose again on the 3rd day, then you have someone who will catch you when you fall. He will never leave you. When you climb through life's obstacles, you can depend on Him, your Father God in Heaven. You may be scared and uncertain of your next step, but you must listen for His instructive voice. He is right next to you, many times right under you as your personal safety net. Will you trust Him? Will you call out to Him next time you are scared and then heed to His direction?

Like a child, we need to trust the One above us, the One who has our best interests at heart. If you choose to stay "stuck" in the obstacle, unmoving, you will eventually loose your grip from exhaustion and fall. For some of us with a small stubborn-streak, it may take enduring a few scrapes, cuts and bruises from a fall to learn our lesson the hard way.

It is my prayer for you that you will not avoid the obstacles in life, but to tackle them head on, trusting the Lord will be right there to encourage you as you climb. Oh, how God uses our children to speak to us. Daily, I hear God telling me, "See, that's just like Me and you." Sometimes that is not so good for He may be dealing with a tantrum while other times we are enjoying sweet snuggles as Father and child. (I guess there is so much I need to learn, that is why He gave me FOUR children to be my living examples!!!! Oh Lord, You are so funny!)