Ever felt the embarrassment of "less than?" I felt inadequate as I looked around. Their tables looked straight out of a magazine, or the top Pinterest board! They were beautiful and full, each one different in theme and style but all incredibly rich and lovely. I walked over to what was about to be my table and felt defeated as if I had merely brought 3 bags of mulch to dump on the table top and call it done. Deep sighs filled my heart and honestly, my spirit. There sat my uninvited guest, the enemy of insecurity.
How quickly "comparison" can rob us of our own personal joy. Just an hour before, I was hot glueing and glittering my candles to set just under my Grandmother's Bible in it's position that would be just above mine. I had devoted much time and energy planning out my table theme asking God to show me how He wanted me to interpret it into a beautiful setting for 8 ladies. God moved my heart to reflect on the theme and the meaning of this event..."Reflections of Light, Mentoring, Sisters, Encouraging, Older and Younger. The core is The Word shared. I grabbed my Grandmother's Bible and Mine as my centerpiece. Then "light", candles. Light of the Word, scriptures ON the candles. Reflections, mirrors and gemstones to catch all the many facets of light. And an angel standing nearby holding her heart to share. This table held possibly two of the most precious and valuable possessions I own...my Grandmother's Bible and my own. That was my table. Created by simplicity, lots of hot glue, staged with great meaning! But, was it good enough? At the time, I felt not.
Here's the crossroad we face when we stare the enemy of inadequacy square in the face. Will we allow the enemy to charge us with fear and insecurity, or will our hearts rest confidently in the vision the Lord has seeded within? I wanted to drive straight to Kirkland's and buy an entirely new table setting (which I really couldn't have afforded.) I felt like the little black duckling in a sea of beautiful swans, I dropped off my bags and left to return after dinner.
Time came for me to pick up my oldest teen from baseball and upon entering the car he asked about my day and I told him it was okay, that I had just dropped off all my things at the church for my table. Sensing something wrong in my demeanor, he asked "Well, what's wrong with it?" I replied, " I just don't think it measures up with the rest of the women's rich tables." He came back with a quick remark, "If I was doing a table, I'd throw a camo net over the top, set out paper plates and paper cups, and call her done." And I bet he would too! It was good to laugh for a moment in my pitiful moment. Then, the very words that I have spoken into his heart for nearly 16 years were returned to me, "Mom, you just have to be you." And there in that profound moment, it cut to my core. He's right. In that moment, God used him to speak into my heart, straight past my convicted heart. What was I thinking?!?
When we compare ourselves, our things, maybe even our giftedness and talents to others, we are actually rejecting God's created design, in essence saying, "You made a mistake. Can't you do better than that?" What a frightening place to be when we reject the Hand and Heart of the One True God, The Creator of the Universe and everything good. There I stood, comparing...rejecting what the Lord had given to me to reflect His love for these women, and my worship of reflecting Him being overtaken by worry.
The Lord our God has built each one of us with a unique DNA which sets us apart from everyone else in our physical attributes, emotional make up to our spiritual gifting and talents. When we reject ourselves, we are rejecting Christ's redeeming and unique work. Rejecting God's design brings destruction and rejection; however, when we walk and live by faith, trusting completely and waiting patiently for His perfect plan, we receive His blessings of peace, contentment, joy. Timely as always, this week in my Genesis bible study, the lesson opens with Abram and Sarai trying to "make it happen."
"Now Sarai, Abram's wife, had borne him no children. She had a female Egyptian servant whose name was Hagar. And Sarai said to Abram, "Behold now, the LORD has prevented me from bearing children. Go in to my servant; it may be that I shall obtain children by her." And Abram listened to the voice of Sarai. So, after Abram had lived ten years in the land of Canaan, Sarai, Abram's wife, took Hagar the Egyptian, her servant, and gave her to Abram her husband as a wife. And he went in to Hagar, and she conceived. And when she saw that she had conceived, she looked with contempt on her mistress." Genesis 16:1-4
What a mess. It didn't look like God knew what He was doing, so Sarai did in her sight what made sense to her. She had a plan, despite that fact the God had already explained the plan to both her and her husband. She did it her way. She's not the only one to question God. We met Eve, in the beginning. Questioning God only brings trouble.
Next time you have thoughts like, " Is this good enough?" "Am I good enough?" "What will he/she think?" "What if...(blah-blah-blah)...."....remember that the Lord your God created you and you are GOOD!!! Read Genesis 1-2 and you will see He is a specific God. This is not to say that you don't care about the watching world, rather, you Love God first, then others. If we would simply consume ourselves with what GOD thinks, remember that He created us with specific attributes that He felt were necessary for our good and His glory, who are we to question what He has made? There can't be comparisons for what are we comparing to?! It's apples to oranges.
Great satisfaction comes when we find ourselves established and rooted in the Lord our Creator and King. Satan stands ready for any opportunity to present doubt before you and if our thoughts are consumed on Christ alone, we can stand against the schemes of the devil!!!
I am looking forward to tonight, knowing that every piece on the table brings a smile to my Father's heart, and knowing that I am sitting at His table and not mine.
Father God, tonight I honor the Reflections of Your Light, The Light of Your Word. Thank You for creating me uniquely and help me to embrace what You see as good. When I feel inadequate Lord, I know my eyes are looking to the left and right, Holy Spirit, keep my eyes focused on You that I may not see the temptations of doubt standing beside me, waiting to steal my focus and my joy. Give me courage to walk in my giftedness, as quirky, dorky and crafty as they may be compared to the riches of the world, God, to You be all the glory in all that You see as good. May it be so in my life. Thank you for caring enough about me to speak truth to me through other godly women and even through the mouths of my children. Your Word truly is the Light unto my Path! Thank you Lord for Your faithfulness. I love You with all that I have and I praise You with all my heart. To YOU be ALL the glory as You reign over the heavens and the earth, and everything in it, including me. You are Lord, amen.
"So God created man in his own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them." Genesis 1:27
"You shall be careful therefore to do as the LORD your God has commanded you. You shall not turn aside to the right hand or to the left." Deuteronomy 5:32
"Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil." Ephesians 6:11
Ever feel like you have hit a wall? You think you've walked around it, or made it over only to find your face staring right into more brick? I think we all have those kinds of walls that pop up in our lives. Some of those walls we may have thought we had been able to climb over or get around only to see that there is simply another layer thick awaiting you. We say things like, " I cannot believe I am still dealing with this," "When will this ever end," "I thought I got over this already," "How many more times do I have to deal with this issue," and on and on. It may be years of coming face to face with that wall or maybe it has recently been built on your path. Truthfully, life in general is it's own kind of wall we must get over. Some of our walls are easy to get over than others while many others could very well take us to the summit Gates of Heaven before we find ourselves "over it."
One of the nice things about rock climbing walls and scaling mountain ranges is that you can actually, literally see the top of it and know you have arrived at the summit. Unfortunately, our unseen yet very real "walls" do not reveal to us their summit. It could be one more "step" or "skyscrapers" more to climb.
Whatever wall you have found yourself face to face with, may I offer you this encouragement...while you may not be able to see on the other side of your mountainness wall, Someone does and His name is El Roi, the God who sees. Your Heavenly Father can not only see the entirety of your wall, He knows how long it will take you to get over it. He has the ability to give you strength and endurance to persevere as well as demolish that wall standing before you. The Lord our God is a God who takes down Goliaths with one stone, creates the heavens and the earth by the very Word of His breath, who divides oceans at His command, destroys barriers. He is Lord over e v e r y t h i n g. There is nothing impossible for Him. Eventhough you cannot see how or when you will get over that cold brick wall standing before you, remember that The Lord your God does. He knows the depth, width and length of it. Trust Him. He is not hiding on the other side of it, He stands above it. He is near. He sees your despair, exhaustion and questions. Hold on Friend and keep climbing! Don't stop! If you give up, you will certainly not get over it. You must get up and look up and move it! Face that wall with assurance that He who is able, can do immeasurably more than you can think or imagine! You must have faith, hope and patience. CLIMB!!! The summit will be amazing to behold!!!
"For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, that according to the riches of His glory He may grant you to be strengthened with power through His Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith--that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen." Ephesians 3:14-21
"Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen." Hebrews 11:1
"By faith the people crossed the Red Sea as on dry land, but the Egyptians, when they attempted to do the same, were drowned. By faith the walls of Jericho fell down after they had been encircled for seven days." Hebrews 11:29-30
"Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. Do not quench the Spirit." 1 Thessalonians 5:16-19
"May you be strengthened with all power, according to His glorious might, for all endurance and patience with joy, giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in light. He has delivered us from the domain of darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of His beloved Son, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins. He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of all creation. For by Him all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities--all things were created through Him and for Him. And He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together." Colossians 1:11-17
"God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way, though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam, though the mountains tremble at its swelling. Selah There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy habitation of the Most High. God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved; God will help her when morning dawns. The nations rage, the kingdoms totter; He utters His voice, the earth melts. The LORD of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress. Selah Come, behold the works of the LORD, how He has brought desolations on the earth. He makes wars cease to the end of the earth; He breaks the bow and shatters the spear; He burns the chariots with fire. "Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!" The LORD of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress. Selah" Psalm 46
It has happened to me and I have seen it time after time with friends. God uses our physical to get our attention. While this is not an absolute truth I am going to debate out, by way of testimony and encouragement, I am willing to heed the wisdom in Proverbs: "
A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones." Proverbs 17:122
So many times I find myself dealing with physical ailments that get me down physically, emotionally and spiritually: headaches, fatigue, weariness, pains, illnesses, etc. There are plenty of books written out there that emotional stresses can make us physically stick and I do know that when our hearts hurt, everything else hurts. Our adrenal glands and hormones get all out of wack, we are less guarded about good nutrition and health and we fall weaker by the day until we find ourselves laid out! We are forced into a time out.
For those of us who are full in our days and don't feel like we have time to stop and rest in light of all that needs to be done, we will push through to the point of breaking to keep going. Do we think we are stronger than God? Even after His fruitful work, He took time to rest. And yet, we fool ourselves that we can do it all and be super humans, accomplishing more in one morning than many do all day! We go, go, all week in our schedules and in our minds that by the end of the week, our minds are spinning, sloshing really and we cannot process a normal thought to save our life. It's time for a rest!!!
It's not even all the to-do's of the week, as if we are over-committed while that may be the case for some, but there are just seasons in our life where one area of our life demands more attention for a season and yet we continue on as if we can still manage everything and get through it. But we don't. Something gives. Often, it's something within us. We miss a detail, an opportunity, a help, our health gets weary and our strength to keep pushing, depletes. We not only let someone else down, we let ourself down and guilt amplifies exhaustion. We are a dizzy mess! And you know what else, often when we are "down" we need other people's help...not something easy to accept when you're a Can-Do-It-All girl. Pride check, yep, ouch.
I wonder what God feels when He brings something into our life that needs our greater attention and we simply fit it right into the to-do list that we already have, rather than changing our priorities to align with His? Or if we do have everything in their appropriate priority and yet we don't take time to rest and be still after our days of work. Are we greater than He?
I could certainly keep myself busy between all the kid's volunteering opportunities at their schools, volunteering for all the great ministries at church, keeping my house spotless which would involve full days everyday to keep it clean and laundered and stocked with all it needs to run, lunching with visitors to our class and lunching with each friend, date night with my man each week and prayer, oh I could stay there hours upon every day, writing out encouragement cards for the many in my life who are struggling in some way, oh and keeping myself physically fit and groomed spending hours each day at the gym and salon...and then reading my Bible and getting into good study time....I have spent full weekends gifted from my husband doing just that!! He knows what I love to do in my "free time!" Give me my Bible, Music, Coffee and Quiet and I will be one happy girl!!! I just can't do that every day. One weekend a year is my gift and I love it!! There is just not enough hours in a day to do all these good things we want and wish could be ours!!
But, God has already ordered our days and there is an order we must be obedient to follow. There is a balance and what each of our days look like will be different. Careful not to judge for what God has called another to, it may not be your call and therefore you cannot possibly understand how and where that fits into their life. We assume "those people" do it all. We don't know what they may have had to sacrifice for a time to accomplish what God has called them to for that season.
Same for us, we must change as the seasons change (Ecclesiastes 3) otherwise we will find ourselves unfit for the change of weather. To every season is a different activity and a different clothing. You may love to snowboard but when summer comes, try as you might, you will exhaust yourself trying to make it down those dry runs! Our bible study class read through Genesis chapter on the Tower of Babel and God scattered their language and their actual selves when they were walking in disobedience. There is wisdom for us there.
One thing we know for sure...we must take time to rest as we work! God worked and rested. Jesus slept. Jesus took time to get alone. He prayed, He healed, He taught, He shared, He was involved in the lives of others and yet He was not consumed by any one thing other than He had His Father's priorities, doing just as His Father asked and did, working and resting.
If today you find yourself a dizzy mess or plain ol' exhausted, check what season God has called for you to be in, getting done what's appropriate and necessary; and if you are prepared for your season, make sure you are finding the balance and priority of God's, taking time to be still, breathing in those deep breaths God has counted out for you. By faith, hope and love, enjoy your season's work and rest!
"but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary
; they shall walk and not faint." Isaiah 30:41
"So then, there remains a Sabbath rest for the people of God, 10 for whoever has entered God's rest has also rested from his works as God did from his. 11 Let us therefore strive to enter that rest, so that no one may fall by the same sort of disobedience. 12 For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart. 13 And no creature is hidden from his sight, but all are naked and exposed to the eyes of him to whom we must give account." Hebrews 4:9-13
This week, I got to enjoy extra time with two of my AMAZING mentors/friends/accountability partners...my Sisters in Christ. I wonder if I could ever get them all together, not sure my heart could take that much JOY...or possible "loving correction!" (heehee) I am BLESSED to have mentors in my life such as these Godly, Beautiful Women. A mentor is different than a friend. Over the years, God has given me the gift of some very precious friends who's seasons and purposes have been all very different. A mentor however is one God places in your life with intention to "mentor." Webster's defines mentor : a trusted counselor, guide, tutor, coach. You can only imagine what a rare GIFT it is when a mentor is also a friend. That is the case with these women, they have mentored me for several years while also being dear Sisters in Christ.
There was a time in my life that I didn't even have one and for no other reason than my own "fear" and "trust" issues. Betrayals, feelings of inadequacy, low self-esteem, fear of judgement, even hopelessness for something better, can keep someone isolated into their own safe, self-contained, lonely bubble. There was a time that was me. Very guarded, very anxious, very limited, very self-controlled, very afraid to be seen. Happy on the outside, scared on the inside.
Thinking I had to represent Christ in my life by seeming "perfect", it only deepened my isolating self. I hid the real me behind a mask of perfection. It was exhausting but knowing how imperfect I was, I felt I had no other choice than to at least wear the mask! With God's peace, should I complain or worry or have trials, surely not. Otherwise, it says I am sinning against God for everything would be perfect in my life and self, right?! So who in their right mind would admit something was wrong?!?! And I knew I certainly was NOT perfect. I tried till it nearly broke me. Oh, how clever is Satan. He is a deceiver and a liar.
When the huge 2008 crisis hit, thankfully God had already placed in my life a few Godly women who I could literally fall on. It was up to me to trust them with what was shattered pieces of my heart, mind and spirit. I claimed desperately, Philippians 4:13, knowing I could do all things He asked of me. I chose to trust God with the provisions of help (aka: friendship, counsel and mentor) and I allowed myself to open a tiny space more to let Love come in, and really, it wasn't because I necessarily wanted them in my business, seeing all my imperfections, I knew I needed them in my business.
What began as a slow trickle of love flowing in, now is an ocean's full!! God has been more than gracious and more merciful than I deserve. There came a place where I couldn't handle "life" on my own. Of course, I have a loving husband and loving family and a great church family had I chosen to let them in, but it was more than I could bear and for these that were close and involved, it was a crisis they too had to endure with me. They needed encouragement I couldn't give and I needed encouragement they couldn't give. We needed more.
God made it clear that it was time for a new season. It was time for the old to go and the new to come!! I thought I was okay with my "old" until the "new" came. What a DELIGHT!!!! I realized alone I was weak, I was vulnerable. I prayed and asked for rescue and He sent me some! (I am sure I don't need to say it, but I will incase someone reading this doesn't know this: I am assuming we all understand that with God, we are never alone and He is our strength and yes, He is all we need; however, He calls us to live and love one another, confessing our sins to one another, trusting Him ultimately as our provision in which comes all other fleshly provisions....just wanted to make sure we all knew that!)
Desiring a closer walk with Him, I have learned how to trust GOD fully and allow in what HE wants in. Walls had to come down and these women have had their faithful work gloves on for a few years now, not giving up on me! What a reflection of Christ's Love for us, taking us as we are and yet not leaving us as we are. He has brought these humble, God-fearing women into my life to encourage me, teach me, streeeetch my dorky, quirky, shy self, and boy have I been BLESSED!! Aside from enjoying the GIFTS they are to me, the eternal seeds invested in me have gone further than I could have imagined!! I know these seeds will impact generations, as they already have begun to!
Today, I love the Lord more intimately, with an open heart, with more confidence and my life has most definitely changed. Who I am, how I approach life, my marriage, how I parent my 4 children, how I handle trials, guarding my relationship with the Lord, my prayer life, my choices, where I spend my energy and time are all direct reflections to the intentional mentoring I have received and from the faithfulness of sweet friends. (Just thinking it sure takes a lot of people to get me where I am today between loving family, church family, friends, mentors...it's okay, I will take all the help I can get!!!) I am no longer satisfied being left alone to work things out....I need the hands and feet of God to help me work things out. Thank God for the Holy Spirit and Proverbs 27:17 Holy Friends:)
While I don't wish for that season of "hell" to have come into my life, it was the price I had to pay for the relationship and life I now have in Christ. It was what broke me and built me new. I am not weak after all.... I am strong. Wouldn't trade it for anything. The freedom I have in Christ today is a direct result of choosing Life and Love in Christ Jesus. I will be the first to admit that I am NOT perfect. Truth is, it's okay, neither are you, or him, or her. I don't even try to appear perfect. My goal is to have such a deep love with God that He lights up my darkness and others can see the Light of Him through my life, mistakes and victories alike. His blood redeems and forgives. His blood covers my imperfections to highlight His perfections. His grace is enough. To hear Him, to see His Word come alive, how can you not smile and get the cheeks so sore from smiling so big?!? I am continually amazed at our Awe-some God. People comment often about my smiling, and that's exactly why I can smile even on the worst of days. My heart may grieve but my spirit rejoices knowing God is near and He sees me and still loves me so.
My value and my hope for something better has been found in Christ alone! I once saw the world and "love" through the scope of a straw compared to today, as I view life through a panoramic widescreen lens!! I can walk through the valley and not fear, cuz I trust my Shepherd. I can share my heart with another without fear of judgement knowing it is Satan that is the one who should be fearing his judgement. God opened His heart to us and is asking that we open our heart to Him.
We say trust Him, but at the same time, if you don't know about Him, how can you trust Him. The more you know about a person, God or friend, the more you see their heart and know they are trustworthy, with history proving their loyalty and faithfulness. is why I have come to crave The Word of God and living life alongside and loving others. There is nothing more satisfying than feasting on The Bread of Life and drinking the Living Water, especially with others who do too!!! Your heart opens wider the more you trust. How big is your heart?
"In the BEGINNING God created the heavens and the earth," He has a plan and while your world may seem like your own, really, you are part of a master plan! You were created for this time, for His glory. You must be in The Word to know of Him. You must walk with Him to know Him. He is not a distant God, He is with you and He will send you people: mentors, friends and even enemies to grow you closer to Him. You must choose to receive His enduring and faithful Love offering. Once you do, watch out!! (Romans 8:31-39) Be ready for abundant LOVE-JOY to fill your soul, of which you must also guard against the one who comes to seek and destroy it!! Steal a person's joy and you steal their heart.
Do you feel alone? Do you feel like anyone has your back? Who is in your life you KNOW God has them there to push through some of your walls, but you don't trust them enough to let them in? TRUST GOD and if you don't truly trust Him, GET IN THE WORD!! Find someone immediately that does and get the accountability to find a mentor who knows The Word and has a heart that loves and fears God and start walking a life of love, hope and faith in Truth! Not in your ability but in the strength of Christ! His blood IS your VICTORY!!! What a sacrifice that saved my life, yes the Blood it is my victory!!!!!! If you say yes, it is yours too!!!
He will send you peace and strength through the hands and feet of others. We are all parts of one Body. Pray and ask God to affirm their place in your life, for whatever way and whatever season He has planned. Not everyone is meant to tear down your walls. Some help you see them. Others help you break them. Some keep you from rebuilding. Tis a season for everything under Heaven! Satan would like nothing more than for you to stay hidden, cut off from the Body. You're less likely to grow. Step forward in faith. Yes, you do take a chance of being hurt, but do you trust God that everything happens for a reason, He has your good in mind and that His grace and love for you is GREATER than any hurt you could ever feel?! Surround yourself by those who Love the Lord their God with ALL their heart, soul and might, who's desire to honor and please Him above all others! Theirs is a heart you can trust with yours!!
Reflection: How much do you trust God? How well do you know of Him? Do you know Him personally that you can feel His presence near? Do you need to open up the floodgates for your heart to be filled? Are you walking in victory or defeat? Are you being real/honest with yourself? Are you trying to be something other than you? Who in your life would God be calling YOU to mentor, guide, coach or simply be a friend who walks life's paths with?
This blog entry is long enough, and I could go on so much further and deeper and wider, but I must wrap this up! This began as a Facebook post of thankfulness for extra time spent with precious women this week and I figured once I got to 3 paragraphs, I had gone past my Facebook code of conduct and shifted over to the blog where I have freedom to write as much as my heart spills out! Hope you have been encouraged in some way and gotten to know me a little better in the process!!! HUGS and LOVE!!!
