Sitting at His Table Tonight

Ever felt the embarrassment of "less than?" I felt inadequate as I looked around. Their tables looked straight out of a magazine, or the top Pinterest board! They were beautiful and full, each one different in theme and style but all incredibly rich and lovely. I walked over to what was about to be my table and felt defeated as if I had merely brought 3 bags of mulch to dump on the table top and call it done. Deep sighs filled my heart and honestly, my spirit. There sat my uninvited guest, the enemy of insecurity.
How quickly "comparison" can rob us of our own personal joy. Just an hour before, I was hot glueing and glittering my candles to set just under my Grandmother's Bible in it's position that would be just above mine. I had devoted much time and energy planning out my table theme asking God to show me how He wanted me to interpret it into a beautiful setting for 8 ladies. God moved my heart to reflect on the theme and the meaning of this event..."Reflections of Light, Mentoring, Sisters, Encouraging, Older and Younger. The core is The Word shared. I grabbed my Grandmother's Bible and Mine as my centerpiece. Then "light", candles. Light of the Word, scriptures ON the candles. Reflections, mirrors and gemstones to catch all the many facets of light. And an angel standing nearby holding her heart to share. This table held possibly two of the most precious and valuable possessions I own...my Grandmother's Bible and my own. That was my table. Created by simplicity, lots of hot glue, staged with great meaning! But, was it good enough? At the time, I felt not. 
Here's the crossroad we face when we stare the enemy of inadequacy square in the face. Will we allow the enemy to charge us with fear and insecurity, or will our hearts rest confidently in the vision the Lord has seeded within? I wanted to drive straight to Kirkland's and buy an entirely new table setting (which I really couldn't have afforded.) I felt like the little black duckling in a sea of beautiful swans, I dropped off my bags and left to return after dinner.
Time came for me to pick up my oldest teen from baseball and upon entering the car he asked about my day and I told him it was okay, that I had just dropped off all my things at the church for my table. Sensing something wrong in my demeanor, he asked "Well, what's wrong with it?" I replied, " I just don't think it measures up with the rest of the women's rich tables." He came back with a quick remark, "If I was doing a table, I'd throw a camo net over the top, set out paper plates and paper cups, and call her done." And I bet he would too! It was good to laugh for a moment in my pitiful moment. Then, the very words that I have spoken into his heart for nearly 16 years were returned to me, "Mom, you just have to be you." And there in that profound moment, it cut to my core. He's right. In that moment, God used him to speak into my heart, straight past my convicted heart. What was I thinking?!? 
When we compare ourselves, our things, maybe even our giftedness and talents to others, we are actually rejecting God's created design, in essence saying, "You made a mistake. Can't you do better than that?"  What a frightening place to be when we reject the Hand and Heart of the One True God, The Creator of the Universe and everything good. There I stood, comparing...rejecting what the Lord had given to me to reflect His love for these women, and my worship of reflecting Him being overtaken by worry. 
The Lord our God has built each one of us with a unique DNA which sets us apart from everyone else in our physical attributes, emotional make up to our spiritual gifting and talents. When we reject ourselves, we are rejecting Christ's redeeming and unique work. Rejecting God's design brings destruction and rejection; however, when we walk and live by faith, trusting completely and waiting patiently for His perfect plan, we receive His blessings of peace, contentment, joy. Timely as always, this week in my Genesis bible study, the lesson opens with Abram and Sarai trying to "make it happen."  

"Now Sarai, Abram's wife, had borne him no children. She had a female Egyptian servant whose name was Hagar. And Sarai said to Abram, "Behold now, the LORD has prevented me from bearing children. Go in to my servant; it may be that I shall obtain children by her." And Abram listened to the voice of Sarai. So, after Abram had lived ten years in the land of Canaan, Sarai, Abram's wife, took Hagar the Egyptian, her servant, and gave her to Abram her husband as a wife. And he went in to Hagar, and she conceived. And when she saw that she had conceived, she looked with contempt on her mistress." Genesis 16:1-4

What a mess. It didn't look like God knew what He was doing, so Sarai did in her sight what made sense to her. She had a plan, despite that fact the God had already explained the plan to both her and her husband. She did it her way. She's not the only one to question God. We met Eve, in the beginning. Questioning God only brings trouble. 
Next time you have thoughts like, " Is this good enough?" "Am I good enough?" "What will he/she think?" "What if...(blah-blah-blah)...."....remember that the Lord your God created you and you are GOOD!!! Read Genesis 1-2 and you will see He is a specific God. This is not to say that you don't care about the watching world, rather, you Love God first, then others. If we would simply consume ourselves with what GOD thinks, remember that He created us with specific attributes that He felt were necessary for our good and His glory, who are we to question what He has made? There can't be comparisons for what are we comparing to?! It's apples to oranges. 
Great satisfaction comes when we find ourselves established and rooted in the Lord our Creator and King. Satan stands ready for any opportunity to present doubt before you and if our thoughts are consumed on Christ alone, we can stand against the schemes of the devil!!! 
I am looking forward to tonight, knowing that every piece on the table brings a smile to my Father's heart, and knowing that I am sitting at His table and not mine.

Father God, tonight I honor the Reflections of Your Light, The Light of Your Word. Thank You for creating me uniquely and help me to embrace what You see as good. When I feel inadequate Lord, I know my eyes are looking to the left and right, Holy Spirit, keep my eyes focused on You that I may not see the temptations of doubt standing beside me, waiting to steal my focus and my joy. Give me courage to walk in my giftedness, as quirky, dorky and crafty as they may be compared to the riches of the world, God, to You be all the glory in all that You see as good. May it be so in my life. Thank you for caring enough about me to speak truth to me through other godly women and even through the mouths of my children. Your Word truly is the Light unto my Path! Thank you Lord for Your faithfulness. I love You with all that I have and I praise You with all my heart. To YOU be ALL the glory as You reign over the heavens and the earth, and everything in it, including me. You are Lord, amen.

"So God created man in his own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them." Genesis 1:27

"You shall be careful therefore to do as the LORD your God has commanded you. You shall not turn aside to the right hand or to the left." Deuteronomy 5:32

"Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil." Ephesians 6:11

I LOVE doing puzzles! Do you? My husband absolutely does not and therefore does not see a wonderful masterpiece in the making...he sees a waste of time and a mess! It does take patience. I could say the same thing about his game watching....for hours sitting in one place (the couch) seemingly wasting time, eventhough he's as happy as can be!  So, I get it. You won't spend hours on something voluntarily unless you are enjoying what you are doing.

Needless to say, over the years my puzzles have changed, as well as how often I even pull one out to create. It's probably been over a year since I pulled one out to work. Of course, there is an open invitation for anyone who wants to jump in and build this masterpiece with me. At first glance, it is overwhelming, especially for the younger kids! They are used to the large, 2" pieces with a maximum of 24 pieces! Mine, I will do anything over 200. (I do prefer the traditional cut pieces though!)

I had to stop and think why the kids freak out when they see all the hundreds of odd shapes spread over a 4 ft area...it's too much work...where do you even begin...what if there's a piece missing...what if it takes aaaaall daaaaay long!?! The older you get, you are able to understand how to approach a puzzle, looking first for edge pieces, then grouping similar designs/colors. It's not overwhelming, it's a challenge. And you know it's gonna take a certain commitment to stick with it, completing it.

I was sitting here reflecting through my Week 1 Homework in True Woman 101 and how I have felt a little overwhelmed at all that encompasses being a Woman of God. Soooo many pieces. Such a commitment of time and energy to work it all out. Where do you begin? 

God reminded me of my puzzle. His "divine design" for me. Our puzzle changes as we change. The big picture is the same, but the cuts (shapes) change. God only gives us what we can handle and when we first walk with Him, I imagine the puzzle being a 12 pc which at the time seems like a challenge, but then it becomes easy and through time and maturity, we can handle the 24, 48, 50, 100 pieces. Taking a step back and looking at the big picture, you see the glorious end result, but getting started and putting together all the middle pieces can be overwhelming and sometimes a seemingly impossible feat!

I look at being a Woman of God and everything that it means. Womanhood encompasses every bit of our life in our many different roles, all the thoughts and feelings, and everything tangible physically in our life. At the core is being a Child of God and that right there takes up most of the pieces!!! God is the Creator and Designer. He gives what we can handle and nothing more eventhough it can look like it at first glance. 

The truth is that the Creator knows what it takes to get to the glorious picture at the end of each of our puzzles. He has given us a Helper in the Holy Spirit that will work it out with us, leading and encouraging us to push through the times you can't make sense of a design. If you are patient, He will show you the big picture and help you fit all the pieces together, some of which need to be turned around so you can see the design on the other side. Ya don't get far with a bunch of brown pieces!

There is nothing more exciting (in the puzzle world) than to get to the last few holes...one by one, snapping in each one! Anticipation grows!! I imagine my husband feels the same thing as he watched his favorite player running towards the goal line, or as he watches a putt rolling ever so slowly towards the hole. You almost become giddy!

As we join with our Helper to put together our puzzle, one by one, the pieces of our puzzle, may we resist the urge to give up, or walk away. Instead, may we work fervently to turn over all the brown pieces and complete it to the glorious end!!

Father God,

Thank You that You have designed a glorious end just for me, for each season in my life, for each trial, in each wilderness, You hold the big picture and I place my trust in You. Be my strength when I feel like giving up and for the endurance to push onward. Help me to keep my eyes on Your glorious end and not all my pieces that sometimes seems scattered beyond reach. With You, my Helper, I can do all things. Mountains can move, shattered pieces can be mended, missing pieces can be found when I trust in Your Help.

Sweet and Patient God, thank You. Piece by piece, I'm laying them down and melding together the design You've made for me. May You receive all the glory in "my" design. Amen!