The "Root" Issue

Do you ever wonder "How in the world did I get here?" "How did this happen?" "Where did it begin?" (Referring to good or bad.) Sometimes you can remember the exact time, place, location and who was with you when an epiphany reveals itself. While other moments seem to have simply appeared or evolved into being.

This morning I was writing in my Blessing Journal, thanking God for all the goodness, kindness, generosity, provisions, healing, friendships He has graciously given me, specifically over 2011 as I reflect over the year. It surprised me that as I thanked God for certain things and people, I could not pinpoint the exact moment I received the blessing or enlightenment or wisdom. When was it that I "got it?" 

My God: This year's bible studies have been very unique for me and oh, so rich and "meaty." I look back today and see how deeply rooted my faith is in Christ...how much more I love my Heavenly Father, the King of kings, my Savior. When was the moment it happened? Which prayer, study night or homework week was it that I understood Him more? When did my heart fill up? When did my spirit settle into peacefulness and strengthen? I don't know.

My Kids: These past several weeks I have felt a great peace with my kids. Why now? Why do I have a deeper level of confidence in them? Why do I see them with more joy than stressors?  I do believe that my friend's courageous battle with cancer has given me a renewed appreciation and slap in the face over getting things back into perspective. This, along with the "Deuteronomical Truth" gives me the courage to let go of this mega-control that I want and allow God to do what He needs to do in each of them, and me. When did I make that choice? What day? I don't know.

My Friendships: This year God has been especially sweet to bless me with some awesome Sisters in Christ. What's interesting is that some of (you) these girls I have known for many years and yet God saw fit to knit us together tightly in 2011 in a special way. Others of (you) these beautiful women I have only recently been blessed to know and yet the knitting together feels as if we have been intertwined for many a year. What was the thing that "clicked?" When did the comfort level reach a place of "sisterhood?" Why now?  I don't know.

It's hard to believe that it was just this year, in 2011, which many of these roots dug deep within my heart and spirit. Some roots are so deep it seems as if it has always been. We cannot comprehend God's works. How He gives. When He gives. Why He gives. Why He takes away. Processes don't have "dates and times." Now, there are definite defining moments in our lives we must make a choice and turn our life around. Salvation for example is NOT a process, it's a one time choice, in one moment in time. The process of growing, knowing Him, renewing and refining through the Refiners Fire does take time...it is a process day after day. He gives.

Otherthan life-altering choices that have to be made or clear-cut decisions "to do or not to do"...Truthfully, I really don't care when the moment happened or how it happened necessarily. I am just thankful it did!!  One of the reinforcements I gleaned from my recent study in Deuteronomy was that Blessings result from Obedience in the willing heart and it's in those blessings where life-change is realized. My heart's deep desire is to obey, but I am afraid that it doesn't always. I can only hope and pray that the deeper my roots go, the less I will waver.

The choice to change changes things, obviously. But saying it and doing it are two very different realities! The intention to change begins to happen the moment we choose to obey or disobey. The revelation or realization of change is slowly revealed as one layer at a time is peeled back. As one foot steps by faith infront of the other. Maybe that's why it is difficult to see the "ah-ha" moments because they evolve while we are in motion. It's the epiphany or end-result, whether it's blessing or discipline, that we realize change has or is happening. How can a gift (or discipline) from God not change you? Of course it will, it should!! That's why we can stop, look where we are and wonder, What? But how? When?

Another lesson learned is the clear reminder the Creator of the Universe has got things under control. I do not need to worry about all the details and "what if's." He has got it under control. HIS timing, HIS way will be perfect. I certainly don't have the wisdom or resources to change my life or anyone elses...but God can, and He will call to order strangers, friends, family, circumstances, "issues", studies, sermons, songs, and His amazing creation all to draw us closer to Him.

Where are you digging your roots into? A job? A person? May I recommend that you dig deep into God's Word...His living Word. " For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart."  Hebrews 4:12  It is GOD ALONE that can get to those secret and hidden places and work in them. 

(Funny, as I am editing this -I had written it earlier this morning- the thought came to my hair about "roots." I DO need to pay attention to my (hair) roots! Boy, don't we ALL need to pay attention to our "roots" and get them where they need to be!!!

Thank You Lord God for Your Love, Your Grace, Your Faithfulness, Your Way, Your PERFECT timing. I ask for the protection of our heart, mind, soul, and roots in You Father God. Forgive the times we choose not to obey You, for being stubborn and stiff-necked people. Thank You God for creating us to long for something, for having that deep need to belong, for giving us the drive "to do and be." May our desires be found in You alone. May we establish ourselves deeply rooted into Your Word so that we may hear Your voice and none other. Help us to be better students of Your Word and less focused on the world's views and expectations. Thank You for the seasons of pruning, making the burden lighter, ridding ourselves from carrying around so much dead weight. Thank You Lord Jesus for the gifts and blessings that are the cherries ontop of an already sweet gifting from You. I Praise Your HOLY, HOLY Name, amen.

These are scriptures I am meditating on in this season of pruning. I pray they bring you nourishment as well.To GOD be the glory ALWAYS, in EVERY way. 

BLESSINGS!!!! Michele

" ..that according to the riches of His glory He may grant you to be strengthened with power through His Spirit in your inner being, 17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith--that you, being rooted and grounded in love, 18 may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, 19 and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God." Ephesians 3:16-19

 " For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do. By sending His own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin, He condemned sin in the flesh, 4 in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit. 5 For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit. 6 For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace...

18 For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.... 

26 Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. 27 And He who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.  

28 And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose."  Romans 8: 3-6, 18, 26-28 

How I Love Thee

I feel like I could write an entire book with all the thoughts, ponderings, evaluations, questions, and realizations I have about this subject of "How I Love Thee" but I certainly do not have that kind of time right now. Many of my bloggings are "starts" to something that one day will be more. If I don't at least write a summery, I will completely forget. My memory bank has been defective for a very long time!!!! 

My husband and I just completed a 6 Week Marriage class at our church. Going on 19 years of marriage, we have attended many a seminar as we have searched for improvements and during many seasons, help! No one has a perfect marriage. Two imperfect people cannot have a a perfect marriage. (This is where I could write a few chapters, but will refrain for now. This was the main theme of our study.)

This recent class we attended was enlightening more than it was practical, in my opinion. Although there were some practical helps spread throughout the 6 week study, the primary focus was on the reflection of Christ within the union of marriage...even more-so, how Christ has placed your spouse in your life as a means of drawing you closer to Him. Have you ever thought of your spouse as a tool for God to reveal Himself to you? That God wants to use your imperfect partner to teach you more about Him? To draw you closer to Him? The personality, the strengths, the weaknesses of our spouse were given to us as opportunities for us to learn more about our Lord, the Creator and Giver of our Love. Whether your spouse is an encourager that highlights your strengths and gently shares your weaknesses or if he/she is someone who challenges you, exposing your imperfections and challenging your "everything"...our partners are also partners with Christ to expose our critical need for His intercession and mighty hand in our life!

I have joked with my man about this. When I walked through the season of great anxiety a few years ago and the counselor asked me what stress triggers I might have in my life, well of course, I am married to someone very opposite from me and I have four children. Even though they are the love of my life, there is natural stress just by logistics alone, and then you add in "issues!!" It gets stressful indeed! I jokingly thanked him for causing so much stress because it was a big part of what caused me to have a "break-down" which ultimately brought me closer to the Lord. (Annnnnnd... I will another few chapters here!!heehee) (For you new readers who do not know my full testimony, I am kidding, GOD used this to get my attention and bring me back to Him! It was GOD's plan but He gave me many helpers to get there!!)

When I stopped to think about how my relationship with my spouse and my relationship with the Lord paralleled...it was thought-provoking and interesting. The first week, our teacher asked us the question, "What do you struggle with the most with your spouse?...and is it possibly something you also struggle with in your relationship with the Lord?" Hmmm, never had thought of that before...interesting! Again, I could elaborate here, but I am trying my hardest to get straight to the point.

After looking at both of these intimate relationships, I found much in common. Aside from the random and seasonal ups and downs with each, generally speaking, they have both followed a similar pattern. 

In the beginning of my courtship with my Honey, we were young and had not walked miles together where wisdom had been gained. Nope, we were typical teens...young, in love, infatuated with each other, focused on the details of a wedding, graduation, moving in together and starting a life as Husband and Wife. We wanted to see the world and share everything together. We did not get married wondering how God would reveal Himself to each of us through the other...how God would use me to shape him, and him to shape me. Nope, it was just two love birds eager and ready to get married, travel and start our own little family!!

With lots of logged miles under our belts here in 2011, I recognize our love was young and immature. We didn't have deep roots cuz we were merely seedlings, newly planted. How can a year old Oak tree have the deep and thick roots of an Oak that has been taken care of for over 30 years?! It won't be the same.  The scriptures also describe how we move from (spiritual) milk to meat. Knowledge and wisdom take time to develop richly. I believe that's another reason why it is critical for us to share friendships with those of every age for the purposes of mentorships.  (Again....ohhhh I'd like to keep going, but I won't....ugh!!)

Our relationships....their beginnings are simple, basic and on the surface where attention is more about the "doings." Then, as your relationship grows, you get beyond the surface and logistics and work patiently through learning curves, traveling to the heart and spirit of the person. Digging deep takes time individually and especially as two persons sharing a relationship. Roots need to be nourished in order to take roots deep. They don't just happen.

The beginning of my marriage began with "doings": what I could do for him, what he could do for me and getting to know eachother as we learned how to function in our new "oneness." Over time, we developed a level of comfort and familiarity where we didn't have to "think" and "do" with such great effort. Pleasing each other and working together as a team came easier year after year, through trials and triumphs. Over time, our hearts became our focus. It no longer matters to me what he can "do" for me, although I do appreciate all that he does to provide and bless our family!! His heart matters much more to me than anything. As long as his heart is sold out to Jesus and he is still committed to loving me, that is what I care about.

I know him at a much deeper level than I did in 1989 when I met him. Because of the time we have spent together, because of all the experiences (good and tough), I see him from the inside out, not the outside in. We share something together that no one else on this earth has with us. This is what I keep telling my older boys who are showing interests in the girls...know her heart! She needs to love the Lord more than she loves you...and you should love the Lord enough to trust Him to bless you with the hand of the perfect girl for you!! Her cuteness is a bonus but it is not the basis of anything but infatuation. (Opps, sorry, another topic for another time....)

This is true for my relationship with my Heavenly Love. In the beginning, and sadly for way too many years, I focused on what I needed to "do" for Him and tried to learn about all that He could "do" for me. These things are important, to understand the person of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit, Who He is, what He can and will do, His power and strength. However, it was just over the past three years that I began to learn about the heart of God. I am much more concerned today with understanding His heart than I am what He can "do" for me. His salvation was already more than I could ever ask.

The most wonderful thing about my husband is how much He loves me. And I surely Love him. It's a unified feeling AND a commitment I choose to keep.

The most wonderful thing about the Lord my God is how much He loves me. And I surely Love Him. It's a unified feeling AND a commitment I choose to keep.

Oh, How I LOVE Thee!!

Really?!? 2008-2011

It has been 3 years already?!? WOW!!! Three years since my life took a 360. Three years ago when I thought my life was over. Three years ago since I wanted my life to be over. Three years ago when I was in a very dark and lonely pit. December 2008 marked the beginning of the end to fear. Day after day, week after week, month after month...a process of healing, cleansing, restoring, realizing, acknowledging, seeking, confessing, resting, rebuking, trusting, learning...these were the essence of every minute. Some days were okay and I felt strong while others were pure torture and I felt completely helpless and weak. This season in my life was bitter-sweet. What was the most difficult of time was also the most awakening time. The old cliche is true, " When you are at your lowest, there's only one way to go...up!" Of course, being flat on my face in fear was one thing but a year later I found myself flat on my face...in worship and adoration!!! amen!!
If there was any other way, of course I would have rather taken it, but this is what it took for me to turn myself around; therefore, I accept it. For some time following my ultimate healing (AMEN!!!) God crossed my paths with many who also suffered with fear, panic, depression and anxiety. What a blessing to be able to share the HOPE we have in Jesus Christ, our Refuge, Rock and Redeemer. Then I noticed God sending me opportunities to encourage others, not specifically people dealing with fear, but just those in need of hope and strength for the journey. Recently though, I seem to be back on the learning side, not that I had arrived in wisdom and knowledge by any means, but eventhough we are constantly giving and receiving, there are times when it weighs heavier on one side than the other. I have been a part of some in-depth and rich bible studies and they have really taken root in my heart, mind and spirit. There have been some prunings and some growing. God has brought lots of encouragers into my life whom have challenged me in many ways they cannot know and also very obvious ways. What a gift to have the hands and feet of God touch you.
I am soooo thankful as I look back on this three year anniversary of what I call my Season of Hell, that I am on the otherside, I am not who I was in 2008, I no longer have great walls protecting me...I trust God to protect me. I no longer attempt to fight battles that aren't mine...I trust God to fight them for me. I no longer fear the "unknowns" but I trust God to take me where He wants me to go regardless of whether or not I understand it. (And no, this doesn't mean I am a Warrior Woman...I am cautious by nature...I just don't allow fear to get in my way!)
My built in accountability to make sure that I never get into that pit again is the Holy Spirit who leads and directs me. It is my desperate prayer that I never quench hearing Him lead. God has been gracious enough to also place some AWESOME women around me to keep me focused on Christ. I have never felt so "covered" and surrounded by God's grace and love as I do here, in December 2011.
I am thankful that God did not listen to my plans in December 2008. I am thankful that He is a confident God who certainly doesn't need my little suggestions. This was reinforced to me in my recently finished bible study in Deuteronomy. God is absolutely in control!!! Also, each of us have a choice. If you choose Obedience...you receive Blessings. If you choose Disobedience...you receive Discipline. It's the same concept I have taught my own children for years and yet it rings true even for me with my Father. I choose to Obey God. Why? Reverent fear of what He can do and Pure Adoration for Who He is.
I have been walking with the Lord since 1986 but this past three years have been the most precious to me for it's where I began to see the heart of God. As with any person, you can know of them or even know them, but you will not know the heart/spirit of them until you spend quality time with them. I pray the Holy Spirit will continue to speak louder than my own voice. I pray my ears hear what He wants me to hear. I pray my eyes see what He needs me to see. I pray my mind is captivated and consumed by His Word, truth and promises and not my own meaningless thoughts. I pray my desires are satisfied in Him alone. I pray my time is guarded by Him. I pray for a protection around each covenant relationship I share. I pray I listen!!! I pray I obey!!!! I remember that the Lord my God brought me out of the land of Egypt with His mighty hand and outstretched arm!!! YES HE DID!!!
He rescued me! He can rescue you!!! Won't you trust Him to walk you where you need to go...give up the reins and let Him lead you. Happy anniversary Creator of Life!!!! Thank You for the life You have given me. Thank You for Your blessings! ALL power and glory is Yours. amen!!!

What Ya Can and What Ya Can't

After living 4 weeks with a broken elbow, things are getting better on many levels. Physically, the bones has healed great, so it it time to focus on the beaten up, stressed out muscles- those affected from the fall and those who have been working overtime because of the "broken ones." Tomorrow, I am hoping to make it to the gym for the first time in a month!! Just to walk on the treadmill...don't worry Honey. I am ready to walk this thing out!!

Emotionally, I have finally come to a place of acceptance. I think I can do many things, however, the truth is, I simply can't. It's like having the strength of a toddler. My 4 year old cannot open certain containers with his little muscle strength....and neither can I right now. I was "one more try away" from loading up the kids to go to Starbucks cuz I could not pull apart the seal on the new bag of coffee this morning, and I really wanted my coffee!!!! Just tonight, I attempted a can of coke only to find myself struggling with the coordination to do it. I probably could have done it, maybe spilling a few drips, but I could have done it...but a dear friend happened to be passing by and offered timely help. I had a choice, take it or leave it...I am learning to take the help as painful as it is to receive it, I am receiving it.

So, it's not enough knowing what I can do, but understanding what I can't do. It has been a painful journey of humility, receiving helps in such small and simple things that you don't even think would ever be an issue!

This brings me to the spiritual lesson(s) of patience, grace, endurance, obedience, acceptance, humility and self-control which I am learning on deeper levels. There are certainly many things I can do, but I also need to acknowledge and accept the things I simply cannot do. I can pray for those I dearly love, but I cannot make the change for them. I can instruct my children on what they "ought" or "should" be doing, but I must realize I cannot make them do it (obviously not a across the board statement-talking about choices in thoughts and attitudes, not obedience of responsibility). I can make them read their Bible, but I cannot make them love Jesus. I can give them memory work, but I cannot make it penetrate into their heart and spirit. I can pray for a friend's situation but I am not able to change it. Yes, there are things we can and should do (body, mind and spirit) as well as things we can't do.

Just as I have had to struggle with understanding my new, and extremely frustrating physical restrictions, God has shown me where I also need to understand what restrictions I have of being in control spiritually.I can only do what I can, and accept what I can't, remembering that GOD can do all I can't.

There is no mistaking that I am in the Deuteronomy study at this particular time in my life. Walking thru the wilderness just as the Israelites did, I catch myself whining and complaining about my limited abilities and provisions, quickly forgetting Who is in charge and forgetting where I am on a journey to. Nope, I certainly don't understand the "whys" but I do believe that every thing sifts through the hand of God. God is leading and providing. He is more than able to do accomplish our "cannots." There is a reason even if I don't get it.

We need to let God do what only God can do...in our lives and in the lives of others. We can train, correct and rebuke attitudes of the heart, but only God can change that heart. We can work out our issues and try to fix our struggles, but it is God Who Heals and restores. We can run and hide but God seeks and finds! 

Father God, Almighty King, tonight I am humbled on my knees before You. In my physical weakness, I have also become weak spiritually. And yet I see the opposite true, I see Your hand making me stronger day by day, both in my body and in my spirit. Thank You for Your grace.

I acknowledge that You, Lord God, are in complete control and there is nothing that escapes Your sight. You are the Sovereign Lord, Ruler over all things in Heaven and on Earth. Thank You for restoring me with Your gentle and swift hand. Forgive me for wondering through this wilderness, whining and complaining. Forgive me for coveting what isn't mine. You know my heart is set on You above any other. Restore not only my body's strength, but my spirit's. I see that through my brokenness, I am also being made stronger. Thank You for Your patience and Your forgiveness. 

Give me courage to fight the battles that I am supposed to fight. Help me walk away from battles that are not mine to fight, trusting You to fight them for me. 

May Your will be done, Your way be had, and my self rest, knowing You, Oh King, are ruling my little kingdom, working all things out for my good and Your glory. Take it all...it is Yours. amen.


David's Prayer:

"David praised the LORD in the presence of the whole assembly, saying, "Praise be to you, O LORD, God of our father Israel, from everlasting to everlasting. 11 Yours, O LORD, is the greatness and the power and the glory and the majesty and the splendor, for everything in heaven and earth is yours. Yours, O LORD, is the kingdom; you are exalted as head over all. 12 Wealth and honor come from you; you are the ruler of all things. In your hands are strength and power to exalt and give strength to all. 13 Now, our God, we give you thanks, and praise your glorious name. 14 "But who am I, and who are my people, that we should be able to give as generously as this? Everything comes from you, and we have given you only what comes from your hand. 15 We are aliens and strangers in your sight, as were all our forefathers. Our days on earth are like a shadow, without hope. 16 O LORD our God, as for all this abundance that we have provided for building you a temple for your Holy Name, it comes from your hand, and all of it belongs to you. 17 I know, my God, that you test the heart and are pleased with integrity. All these things have I given willingly and with honest intent. And now I have seen with joy how willingly your people who are here have given to you. 18 O LORD, God of our fathers Abraham, Isaac and Israel, keep this desire in the hearts of your people forever, and keep their hearts loyal to you. 19 And give my son Solomon the wholehearted devotion to keep your commands, requirements and decrees and to do everything to build the palatial structure for which I have provided." 20 Then David said to the whole assembly, "Praise the LORD your God." So they all praised the LORD, the God of their fathers; they bowed low and fell prostrate before the LORD and the king."
I Chronicles 29:10-20

Thanks!!

HAPPY NOVEMBER 2011!!!

Can you even believe it is really NOVEMBER?!?! Where did the year go?!?

Although every day is a gift from our Lord, November is that month of intentional Thanksgiving. For Believers, it kicks off at Halloween as we choose to reflect on "Harvest Blessings" and the Goodness of all that God has made. Then, the fall signs and decorations appear, almost overshadowed by the Christmas season so near. Can we even take the time to be thankful?!?

In my current ladies bible study, we are studying thru the Book of Deuteronomy. One of the awareness's for me has been the revealing of God's sovereign hand and the blessings which come from our obedience and ultimately His grace. This God we serve has such love for His children and is pursuing us constantly in an effort to draw us nearer to Him.

HE is in control, I am not.  It's all You God, not me.

He IS in control, I am NOT! No matter the circumstance, I trust Your hand.

When we take the time to remember our blessings, it's easy to Give Thanks. Not the same when we face darker days where thick clouds and darkness encamp around us, limiting our vision. The world around us is so full of tragedies which we just simply cannot understand or even find logic or reason to justify in our finite and selfish minds. We sure try when tragedy strikes. I have recently been talking with God about this as I face my own personal struggles and as I walk alongside a friend of mine fight against cancer, then as I was editing this email to you just now, I received a call for prayer over a young couple who lost their sweet baby....Why God? 

Some things "we get" while soooo many others "we don't get." "Simply, He is God. The more I attempt to understand or figure out the "whys" I must be careful not to act like one of the gods who claim to know and understand the One True God. We can never comprehend the mind of God, therefore we must stand firm in faith and place our confidence in truth and worship Him, having wisdom and proper respect and faithful trust in Who He is. I am so thankful HE is the Lord God who is over ALL things in Heaven and on Earth. Who else can bear the weight of the world other than Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior? 

' I am the LORD your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery. "' You shall have no other gods before Me".

Deuteronomy 5:6

I have come to realize how FOREVER GRATEFUL I am that God is FAITHFUL...His Word is valid and true. We are also not alone. Our Great Shepherd will not abandon or forget us ...

"For thus says the Lord GOD: Behold, I, I myself will search for My sheep and will seek them out. As a shepherd seeks out his flock when he is among his sheep that have been scattered, so will I seek out my sheep, and I will rescue them from all places where they have been scattered on a day of clouds and thick darkness." Ezekiel 34: 11-12

We are not God. Aren't you thankful HE IS?!? Who else can carry our burdens? Who else is worthy of such admiration and praise? Who else is as faithful as He?

As you pull out your Blessing Journal, I encourage you this month, give thanks not only for the blessings given, but also to the Blessed Giver. Reflect on His goodness. Even in the midst of "clouds and thick darkness" know He is gathering you. 

 

Father God, we praise You for Who you are. We are nothing apart from You God. We need Your strength, Your peace, Your hand to lead. Forgive us when we respond to You with conditional love in the face of Your unconditional Love. Call to mind in our spirits, all Your goodness, Who you are, what You have already done and the good things to come. May YOUE be our heart's greatest desire. May we find there is nothing we long for more than Your Grace and Love. Above all else, may we see Your Son as our greatest Good. We are sooooo thankful for the Gift of Your Love that brought us out and rescued us from an eternity separated from You. We humbly but confidently worship You in thanksgiving and praise today!! Comfort the broken-hearted, gird up the weak, loosen the bondages that strangle, give us courage in the face of the unknown. With hope, faith, joy and remembrance, Amen.

" You shall remember that you were a slave in the land of Egypt, and the LORD your God brought you out from there with a mighty hand and 

an outstretched arm." Deuteronomy 5:15a

Happy THANKS-giving!!!!!!!
Blessings, Michele

Being Weak

" Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words."    Romans 8:26

 

 

I recently broke my elbow which has slooooowed... me... waaaaay... down... physically, and even emotionally. I am pretty strong-willed, and what Mom can ever fully rest who has little ones, so I have continued on getting done what I can. My husband and kids have really jumped in to fill in gaps that I leave. Everything takes 3 times as long to do (as I am even typing one handed as we speak!!), so I do hit "walls" throughout the day- physical ones and emotional ones. Part of the frustration emotionally is needing to rely on others for help. I am trying so hard, and what used to be easy for me now takes a lot more out of me...draining me.

 

When I fell on my arm Sunday, I smashed my IPhone. It actually softened the blow of my face when it hit the ground otherwise my cheek would have smashed the jagged concrete and probably caused worse damage. Amazingly it still works!! But I need to get over to the Apple store, about 45 min drive away, to have it repaired. So, I asked a friend of mine if she could drive me there. My husband voiced an interest in going to the store with me, and I won't pass up any opportunity for him to go to the store with me cuz he hardly ever ever goes with me or the kids. So, my text to my friend simply said, "My husband wants to do the apple with me. Have a great day!" You can imagine reading that first thing in the morning, still waking up...He wants to do what?!? Toooo funny!!

What a GREAT relief to know with God, we don't have to explain ourselves, reason, justify, be politically correct, walk on eggshells, figure out what we mean to say, put words to how we feel or watch our every move. He KNOWS your heart, your thoughts and your fears!! When we don't know what to say, the Lord intercedes. When the ache inside our heart throbs, He feels every beat of it with you. He knows the cries of your heart. When we do not understand, we can rest in His care. When there are just no words, He speaks for you.

This is true whether in times of great turmoil or times of worship. Have you ever stood before your Father, Redeemer, Healer, Refuge and been speechless in complete awe? Those are beautiful moments!!! Oh Glorious Precious God!! WOW...what extremes our hearts can reach and yet, " the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words."

 

Father, Son and Holy Spirit, thank You for how You care for me. It is equally frightening and yet comforting to know that You can see the words my heart and mind speaks. You see me for me and yet You also see who You have created me to be. You see my intentions and motives. You hear the smallest whispers of worry in days of trials and You can comprehend shouts of praise in my spirit and heart overflowing with awe. You count every tear of pain and joy. There is nothing that escapes You. Thank You for knowing me so intimately. Please draw me closer to You so I may know you better and hear what You are saying to me. Be my words when I don't know what to say. Lead me off the path of destruction onto the path of righteousness. 

Hear me Lord today. Give me rest in my weakness, that my heart, my mind and my spirit will draw strength in You. I praise Your Holy, Ever-present, Name, my Friend, Father, my Lord, amen.

 

 

Every Little Bit Matters

A girlfriend and I were walking to a local coffee shop to grab a morning cup of the greatly anticipated Pumpkin Spice when she turned her wallet a certain way causing the loose change to spill out. Most of us would have simply left the "small change" thinking it unnecessary or meaningless. I mean, What could a few random pennies, nickles and a quarter or two really benefit? She however, initiated the pick up, so we gathered them one by one as we carried on in conversation, never skipping a beat! (Us Women are talented, aren't we?!? LOL)

Well, who knew how valuable these little random coins would come to be. In fact, these coins were deal breakers. Without those random, seemingly meaningless coins, there could be no Pumpkin Spice coffee. For my sweet friend, this money was her "play" money and every bit of it mattered. Without it, she would not have been able to get what she was asking for. I don't believe the kind lady would have allowed her to even smell the highly anticipated cup of Pumpkin Spice coffee had she not had the proper exchange amount. The coffee was conditional on her pooling together her random coins so they would collectively pay the whole required.

God may give Grace, but Starbucks does not!!

Every little bit does matter, especially in the economy of God. When we look at the world with all of it's problems...when I look at my own life and wonder, Where do I even begin?...it can be overwhelming to say the least. What can little 'ole me possibly do to make a difference? Will my one simple meal really even help? Will my few hours donated ease the burden for another when looking at the amount needed? Will my prayers change anything? Do I have enough to give? Am I enough?

The answer is YES!! We are one instrument of many in God's symphony. Each instrument's unique sound comes together alongside the others and produces a beautiful harmony, producing a sound that could never have been realized on it's own.

I have to believe that my single prayers said, my few hours donated, my limited resources, my lack of comprehension will all be redeemed by God's mighty hand, multiplied and made complete in His grand purpose. God is not up in Heaven taking votes, and the one with the highest score wins His favor. NO!! He hears the smallest of cries. He sees the broken hearted who keeps on keeping on in the face of the world. There is not one tear that falls which He didn't see. The Lord our God knows the hearts and souls of His creation, whether they acknowledge Him as Abba Father or not, He sees His created.

 All He asks for when you pray, is that you have the faith of a mustard seed. That tiny seed...and yet this tiny seed has the power to move a mountain!!

Take heart, you matter. There is nothing random or meaningless about you. Your instrument will compliment in perfect harmony the whole orchestra of those worshiping, believing, giving, hoping, longing, expecting with you! Every bit of you matters! 

Father, Lord God Almighty,

May YOU be the Multiplier in our lives. Although you delight in our heart's intentions, bless our willing hands. Ready our feet to go where You say go, whether the distance seems big or small in our eyes. God, bless our every little bit. I know it matters to You. Give us courage to have the faith and faith to have the courage to move mountains in Your mighty Name. Our Redeemer, Our Healer, Our Multiplier of abundant resources, Grace and Love, Praise Your Name above all others, amen.

" He said to them, " Because of your little faith. For truly, I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you."  Mathew 17:20

BLESSINGS!!!

It's Time...ahhhhhh!

FINALLY!!!!! A day that I didn't HAVE to go anywhere. My husband and the two big boys joined a group of men from our church for the opening day of Dove Season this weekend, so it was just me and the two little ones. It was sooooo quiet and relaxed. I could have cuddled up at any moment and fell asleep with them in my arms. It was a good day to say the least. The weather was beautiful and we did get out in it for a bit, but we intentionally enjoyed just locking ourselves in for rest and relaxation.

Since baseball season and football season began, we are constantly on the GO! And we knew it ahead of time, so I am not complaining and I am not feeling overwhelmed...I just felt ready for rest...a big rest!! One that involved me in my pj's all day!!!!

I was reminded of the verses in Ecclesiastes that say there is a time for everything. So true! As with any thing we face, there must be both "working out" and "resting in." When you are training physically, instructors recommend you trade muscles groups as well as days of working out so that your muscles can rest and rebuild themselves. When you are studying, you must take a break so that your mind can "breathe", soaking in what you've learned, your eyes can rest and get up and walk around as your body needs to switch positions. So, what about spiritually? What about serving? What about ministering to others?

Spiritually, there are plenty of scriptures that mention working out your salvation, study, prepare, put on, be ready, build up...and there are plenty that say Be still, peace, trust, hope, think on, pray, listen...I think there is a balance here too and it would be easy to do one or the other of these excessively. It seems that our culture is an "all or nothing people." It would be easy to fall into the trap of work, serve, read, study, share, tell...work, serve, read, study, share, tell. But when about a Sabbath? What about resting and thinking and waiting and listening? What about being ministered to rather than ministering? Being encouraged rather than encouraging another? What about asking for prayer rather than saying it?

No, I am not saying that it is better to be served and selfish, "it's all about me." Neither are we to work without end. There must be a balance. We should both be eager to pray, encourage, mentor, share, help, give, study, serve as well as receive prayer, encouragement, mentorship, listening, receiving helps and instruction. We should study His Word, and then listen for His instruction. We should worship and pray, and then listen for His movement. We should serve and encourage others, and then be willing to be served and encouraged ourselves.

How long has it been since you sat still before the Lord? In the stillness of these quiet moments, my mind is still, my body is rested and my spirit can only whisper, " Sweet Jesus."

Take time to honestly look where you are at and see if you are balanced. Are you all about others? Are you all about you? Are you doing all the talking with God? Are you even talking to Him anymore, just waiting for Him to prove Himself to you?

I am so thankful that God called me out of my busyness and said to settle in. I wouldn't have probably done it otherwise. Oh, sweet Jesus, my saving Grace.

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: a time to be born and a time to die, 

a time to plant and a time to uproot,  

a time to kill and a time to heal, 

a time to tear down and a time to build,  

a time to weep and a time to laugh, 

a time to mourn and a time to dance,  

a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, 

a time to embrace and a time to refrain,  

a time to search and a time to give up, 

a time to keep and a time to throw away,  

a time to tear and a time to mend, 

a time to be silent and a time to speak,  

a time to love and a time to hate, 

a time for war and a time for peace.  

What does the worker gain from his toil? I have seen the burden God has laid on men.  

He has made everything beautiful in its time. What God has done from beginning to end. He has also set eternity in the 

hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom." Ecc 3: 1-11

 

I need to be a little more "Bad"

Homework Journaling:

The question is "Is there one truth from these that you would like to put into practice this week? If so, what insight would you like to apply?"

As you already know, although the bondage of fear has been broken (PRAISE THE LORD!!!!!!), fear is my personal weakness: fear of "what if", rejection, making a mistake, being hurt (both physical and emotional). For most of my life, my thoughts have been critical, analytical and yet balanced. I have always been able to see both sides and yet, fear has always been my deciding factor in making a decision. Our thoughts have a HUGE impact on what we do from the smallest of details to the big decisions in our life. From what will I wear, will I fail, who will know, what will they say, what if I am wrong, and the biggest fear of all~will I disappoint God, if I mess up, will He still love me?

I have a sweet friend who is my "Mentor in Crime." We are a great balance! She is assertive and confident and I am meeker. When we have had the opportunity to counsel or mentor another woman, I was the Good Cop and she was the Bad Cop. I was too "Good." She would say what I wished I was saying. I am thinking "what I'd really like to say is..." but the words didn't flow out. It made me nervous (fearful) to speak so bodly. But why? When I know what someone needs to hear, both love & encouragement and correction & truth in love that may be painful to hear....fear creeps in and I play it safe. Yes, I have said things that clearly GOD put in my mouth and I am shocked myself, however, more common is the gentle answer.

I know, I know, God will direct words and He does, but I fight my flesh. Satan does not want me to say what needs to be said, because we must assume that all our divine appointments are from Him, for His purpose, to draw the person in need closer to Him and we have been given that moment to Shine Light in the darkness. I also know that doesn't call all of us to be the assertive, confrontation, show no mercy type either. I recognize my "type" is quiet, meek, listening, compassion, mercy, empathy, nurturing, encouraging. But there must be a Balance; and my Mentor Sister has it. Her confidence in Christ is reflective of her love for Him. She listens, draws truths, thoughts, reasons out and then applies biblical truths confidently, boldly, assured, directly to the heart and spirit that are necessary for healing, ultimately moving them closer to Christ. I am BLESSED to have been given such awesome mentors over the years!! Cherished and precious gifts!! 

So, after reading through this lesson, with my "Good, "I want to be more "Bad." I want boldness, with might, proclaiming the truths of God, even when others reject it, no matter, being true to God trumps my feelings, insecurities and insight. Spirit trumps Flesh. GOD trumps Satan!!!!!

I wish I had time to write out all the scriptures, but I encourage you to dig into Deuteronomy and hear what He has to say to YOU!!!

To my Bad Cop, I am so thankful for you!!!! You've made me stronger. You've helped me see the way fear has affected my witness, and I fear failing Him, I fear not knowing what to say or saying the wrong thing or not knowing what to say...blah blah blah...so I will work on being 'Bad." Thanks for showing me what that looks like!! I will always be "Good" but looking forward to a little more "Bad."

Thankful for Balance. Thankful for a just God. Thankful for a God whom I can trust to lead, guide and direct me, working through all my weakness. Praying I will always move out of the way for truth and love!!! God be the glory, in all I do, in word or deed. Praying to be Bad.

My Study Today: God of Mercy

Today I was reflecting on Deuteronomy 4:27-31 and my heart fell on the ground of grace.

"And the Lord will scatter you among the peoples,and you will be left few in number among the nations where the Lord will drive you. 28 And there you will serve gods of wood and stone, the work of human hands, that neither see, nor hear, nor eat, nor smell. 

29 But from there you will seek the Lord your God and you will find Him, if you search after Him with all your heart 

and with all your soul.  

30 When you are in tribulation, and all these things come upon you in the latter days, you will return to the Lord your God and obey His voice. 31 For the Lord your God is a merciful God. He will not leave you or destroy you or forget the covenant with your fathers that He swore to them."

Isn't that awesome news even for us today?! When we make our mess, choose our own ways, we end up in places we don't want to be, dealing with things we don't want to deal with, feeling lost and alone. (To be clear- we are in tribulation because we made choices to get there as in this case or God places us there-as in Job's life, as a refining moment. Either way, we all go through tribulations. There's lots of ways in but only one way out!!)

Sometimes God will scatter us (physically or emotionally) so that we are left searching for divine fellowship, fulfillment and encounter. As we wonder seemingly aimless, we can feel lost and sometimes even abandoned, in our wilderness journey. But, He is still there with us. Sometimes the only way God can get our undivided attention is to make us "be alone." I realize now, in hindsight, as usual for me, how important it is to get away from life as we know it and get alone where we are forced to rely solely on Christ for our friendship, counsel, encouragement and correction. It's sooo easy to bounce between others and ourselves to figure out what's happening in our life but clearly God wants to be our All in All. Our Everything. Mighty Counselor. Price of Peace. The Way and The Why and The How. He is I Am.

Is He enough for you? Is He just the End of the Night Guy to run your problems by in hopes a miracle will be delivered by morning's light? OUCH!!! Meeee tooooo!!!! 

Years ago, I never would have admitted that was me and truthfully, I am not even sure that I realized I was doing it. I LOVED the Lord and He was my Best Friend who had walked me alongside me through many trials, but maybe He was only my Good Listener, the One Who Heard My Tears Fall in the middle of the night, and I know He had saved me from the pit of Hell because I had placed my trust in Him as Lord and Savior of my Life. But what about living out my daily life? What about trusting Him with actually handling the details, trials, carrying my tears for me, fixing what was broken? I was a wondering girl trying to control what wasn't, and isn't, mine to control.

Just a few years ago, as you know, once again, I found myself scattered, going where I didn't want to go and when I had nothing left, I picked my face off the ground, climbed out of the pit and looked up. And I found Him, still there, watching and waiting for me. My Only. "But from there you will seek the Lord your God and you will find Him, IF YOU SEARCH AFTER HIM WITH ALL YOUR HEART AND WITH ALL YOUR SOUL."

Maybe this is you too? Are you facing tribulations right now? Do you feel abandoned, scattered, alone? Turn to Him now! Seek after HIM and not the answers and reasons or the most popular method. Find Him first and He will lead you the way to everlasting, into a Promised land with Him. "For the Lord your God is a merciful God. He will not leave you!"

Heavenly Father, My Only I Am,

Thank You for your faithfulness. My spirit is in awe as I consider the endless grace You shed on me. My heart rejoices in Your steadfastness and yet feels soooo unworthy of Your great Love for such as me. I am not worthy of something so precious. Thank You Lord Jesus for the gift of unmerited favor and grace that covers Your children. Help me to seek earnestly after You, daily, Lord, that I will not find myself scattered, but resting and trusting in Your sovereignty and outstretched arms. Cause my heart to be sensitive and obedient to Yours.

God, bring people and circumstances into our lives that will mentor and teach us how to faithfully follow You who sharpen our iron, our Sword of the Spirit! Thank You for those precious few that You have already BLESSED me with who have shined Your Light in my dark places, illuminating YOU!! Bless and keep them.

Revive Your children. Remove all hindrances that keep us from coming to Your embrace. Help us seek You FIRST. Forgive us. Cleanse us. Receive our love.

In Amazed Grace, amen.

My Homework Assignment

No, I am not back in formal school, as I wish that I was, it's not the season for me to return yet. My family is my main ministry focus as well as where I am and as I go. My quiet time with the Lord are a balance between intentional study of the Word, worship, listening/meditating, and praying. For now, the classes I attend are within my church. God has BLESSED our church with awesome Godly women and I am eternally thankful for their faithfulness to heed their call to mentor to those of us ready and eager to be intentionally taught more about our Lord.

This week began a new study under such a mentor. It is the study of Deuteronomy. Because of our Fall family calendar between school, sports and life, I will not be able to attend every Tuesday night as I wish I could but I will be there when the calendar allows. I signed up for the class to continue on in the study of Deuteronomy and keep the accountability of scripture memory and study of the Word with others, even if it is through email, I know we will see each other once a week so I am still accountable in the hallways or throughout the week for "Pop Quizes." 

What makes this study different than others is there is MAJOR accountability. As much as it makes me cringe, I also know I need it. Not only do we have to know it, but we have to SAY it....in class...infront of others. YIKES!!! There was a day years ago I would have dropped out of the class for the sheer terror of having to get up infront of the class and stumble through. But I tell ya, there was a HUGE relief to tighten up the bootstraps and stick it through. The other girls were just as nervous as me. They made a few mistakes, just like me. They wanted to get it right, just like me. Okay, so I am normal?! (Don't answer that~ that's a whole other blog!!)

So, other than the scripture memory, we were also asked to journal our thoughts or revelations as we study through Deuteronomy and she said us Bloggers could blog it and since I have been wanting to get back with consistency in here, this was a great place to start. I am really looking forward to writing again.

If you want to join me, our scripture memory for this upcoming Tuesday is: "'I am the LORD your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery. "'You shall have no other gods before me. " Deut 5:6-7

OH BOY!!!! Lessons already learned: we can become so familiar with something that we miss it altogether. I was planning on blogging about a revelation I had in my first day of study, but just as I was typing out the verse above, God said "STOP and SEE!" It took me a minute or two and then I saw it...a mistake...my scripture did not match my bible. So, I grabbed my bookmark, my bible and the bible application and could not believe I didn't catch this mistake. I have NO IDEA how in the world it happened, maybe just for this lesson alone (sorry it also affects 6 others) but somehow I copied the First Commandment in NIV and the rest is done correctly in ESV. UGH!! First, how in the world did the 2 translations mix? Second, I went over and over it to proofread and I didn't even catch the very first Commandment? I feel horrible. I don't like making mistakes especially when it affects others. So, I will quickly get the word out and remake the bookmarks before the next class.

Heavenly Father,

Thank You for Your Grace that covers every crack and fills every hole within me. As screwed up as I am, You still reign. I still belong to You. Your mercies and compassions are new every single day. It is only through making mistakes that I learn humility. Through making mistakes that I learn how to forgive. Father God, my perfectionisms are centered NOT on my glory but Yours. I NEVER EVER want to shine a poor light on YOU!!!! My greatest fear is misrepresenting You. Help me to walk in the Grace You give and not "quit all" for fear of failing, but walk in confidence that "Through It All, You are Faithful" and forgiving. You are the God of Patience and Forgiveness. Thank You for loving me enough to see me struggle so that I can draw closer to You. Whatever it takes Lord, refine me in grace! Amen.