Emotionally, I have finally come to a place of acceptance. I think I can do many things, however, the truth is, I simply can't. It's like having the strength of a toddler. My 4 year old cannot open certain containers with his little muscle strength....and neither can I right now. I was "one more try away" from loading up the kids to go to Starbucks cuz I could not pull apart the seal on the new bag of coffee this morning, and I really wanted my coffee!!!! Just tonight, I attempted a can of coke only to find myself struggling with the coordination to do it. I probably could have done it, maybe spilling a few drips, but I could have done it...but a dear friend happened to be passing by and offered timely help. I had a choice, take it or leave it...I am learning to take the help as painful as it is to receive it, I am receiving it.
So, it's not enough knowing what I can do, but understanding what I can't do. It has been a painful journey of humility, receiving helps in such small and simple things that you don't even think would ever be an issue!
This brings me to the spiritual lesson(s) of patience, grace, endurance, obedience, acceptance, humility and self-control which I am learning on deeper levels. There are certainly many things I can do, but I also need to acknowledge and accept the things I simply cannot do. I can pray for those I dearly love, but I cannot make the change for them. I can instruct my children on what they "ought" or "should" be doing, but I must realize I cannot make them do it (obviously not a across the board statement-talking about choices in thoughts and attitudes, not obedience of responsibility). I can make them read their Bible, but I cannot make them love Jesus. I can give them memory work, but I cannot make it penetrate into their heart and spirit. I can pray for a friend's situation but I am not able to change it. Yes, there are things we can and should do (body, mind and spirit) as well as things we can't do.
Just as I have had to struggle with understanding my new, and extremely frustrating physical restrictions, God has shown me where I also need to understand what restrictions I have of being in control spiritually.I can only do what I can, and accept what I can't, remembering that GOD can do all I can't.
There is no mistaking that I am in the Deuteronomy study at this particular time in my life. Walking thru the wilderness just as the Israelites did, I catch myself whining and complaining about my limited abilities and provisions, quickly forgetting Who is in charge and forgetting where I am on a journey to. Nope, I certainly don't understand the "whys" but I do believe that every thing sifts through the hand of God. God is leading and providing. He is more than able to do accomplish our "cannots." There is a reason even if I don't get it.
We need to let God do what only God can do...in our lives and in the lives of others. We can train, correct and rebuke attitudes of the heart, but only God can change that heart. We can work out our issues and try to fix our struggles, but it is God Who Heals and restores. We can run and hide but God seeks and finds!
Father God, Almighty King, tonight I am humbled on my knees before You. In my physical weakness, I have also become weak spiritually. And yet I see the opposite true, I see Your hand making me stronger day by day, both in my body and in my spirit. Thank You for Your grace.
I acknowledge that You, Lord God, are in complete control and there is nothing that escapes Your sight. You are the Sovereign Lord, Ruler over all things in Heaven and on Earth. Thank You for restoring me with Your gentle and swift hand. Forgive me for wondering through this wilderness, whining and complaining. Forgive me for coveting what isn't mine. You know my heart is set on You above any other. Restore not only my body's strength, but my spirit's. I see that through my brokenness, I am also being made stronger. Thank You for Your patience and Your forgiveness.
Give me courage to fight the battles that I am supposed to fight. Help me walk away from battles that are not mine to fight, trusting You to fight them for me.
May Your will be done, Your way be had, and my self rest, knowing You, Oh King, are ruling my little kingdom, working all things out for my good and Your glory. Take it all...it is Yours. amen.David's Prayer:
"David praised the LORD in the presence of the whole assembly, saying, "Praise be to you, O LORD, God of our father Israel, from everlasting to everlasting. 11 Yours, O LORD, is the greatness and the power and the glory and the majesty and the splendor, for everything in heaven and earth is yours. Yours, O LORD, is the kingdom; you are exalted as head over all. 12 Wealth and honor come from you; you are the ruler of all things. In your hands are strength and power to exalt and give strength to all. 13 Now, our God, we give you thanks, and praise your glorious name. 14 "But who am I, and who are my people, that we should be able to give as generously as this? Everything comes from you, and we have given you only what comes from your hand. 15 We are aliens and strangers in your sight, as were all our forefathers. Our days on earth are like a shadow, without hope. 16 O LORD our God, as for all this abundance that we have provided for building you a temple for your Holy Name, it comes from your hand, and all of it belongs to you. 17 I know, my God, that you test the heart and are pleased with integrity. All these things have I given willingly and with honest intent. And now I have seen with joy how willingly your people who are here have given to you. 18 O LORD, God of our fathers Abraham, Isaac and Israel, keep this desire in the hearts of your people forever, and keep their hearts loyal to you. 19 And give my son Solomon the wholehearted devotion to keep your commands, requirements and decrees and to do everything to build the palatial structure for which I have provided." 20 Then David said to the whole assembly, "Praise the LORD your God." So they all praised the LORD, the God of their fathers; they bowed low and fell prostrate before the LORD and the king."
I Chronicles 29:10-20
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