I need to be a little more "Bad"

Homework Journaling:

The question is "Is there one truth from these that you would like to put into practice this week? If so, what insight would you like to apply?"

As you already know, although the bondage of fear has been broken (PRAISE THE LORD!!!!!!), fear is my personal weakness: fear of "what if", rejection, making a mistake, being hurt (both physical and emotional). For most of my life, my thoughts have been critical, analytical and yet balanced. I have always been able to see both sides and yet, fear has always been my deciding factor in making a decision. Our thoughts have a HUGE impact on what we do from the smallest of details to the big decisions in our life. From what will I wear, will I fail, who will know, what will they say, what if I am wrong, and the biggest fear of all~will I disappoint God, if I mess up, will He still love me?

I have a sweet friend who is my "Mentor in Crime." We are a great balance! She is assertive and confident and I am meeker. When we have had the opportunity to counsel or mentor another woman, I was the Good Cop and she was the Bad Cop. I was too "Good." She would say what I wished I was saying. I am thinking "what I'd really like to say is..." but the words didn't flow out. It made me nervous (fearful) to speak so bodly. But why? When I know what someone needs to hear, both love & encouragement and correction & truth in love that may be painful to hear....fear creeps in and I play it safe. Yes, I have said things that clearly GOD put in my mouth and I am shocked myself, however, more common is the gentle answer.

I know, I know, God will direct words and He does, but I fight my flesh. Satan does not want me to say what needs to be said, because we must assume that all our divine appointments are from Him, for His purpose, to draw the person in need closer to Him and we have been given that moment to Shine Light in the darkness. I also know that doesn't call all of us to be the assertive, confrontation, show no mercy type either. I recognize my "type" is quiet, meek, listening, compassion, mercy, empathy, nurturing, encouraging. But there must be a Balance; and my Mentor Sister has it. Her confidence in Christ is reflective of her love for Him. She listens, draws truths, thoughts, reasons out and then applies biblical truths confidently, boldly, assured, directly to the heart and spirit that are necessary for healing, ultimately moving them closer to Christ. I am BLESSED to have been given such awesome mentors over the years!! Cherished and precious gifts!! 

So, after reading through this lesson, with my "Good, "I want to be more "Bad." I want boldness, with might, proclaiming the truths of God, even when others reject it, no matter, being true to God trumps my feelings, insecurities and insight. Spirit trumps Flesh. GOD trumps Satan!!!!!

I wish I had time to write out all the scriptures, but I encourage you to dig into Deuteronomy and hear what He has to say to YOU!!!

To my Bad Cop, I am so thankful for you!!!! You've made me stronger. You've helped me see the way fear has affected my witness, and I fear failing Him, I fear not knowing what to say or saying the wrong thing or not knowing what to say...blah blah blah...so I will work on being 'Bad." Thanks for showing me what that looks like!! I will always be "Good" but looking forward to a little more "Bad."

Thankful for Balance. Thankful for a just God. Thankful for a God whom I can trust to lead, guide and direct me, working through all my weakness. Praying I will always move out of the way for truth and love!!! God be the glory, in all I do, in word or deed. Praying to be Bad.