What happens in a relationship where life once seemed so colorful and exciting and adventurous and then one day, it seems grey and monotonous? The extraordinary has now become ordinary. Things are "as expected," maybe even dreary or disappointing. Eagerness has been replaced by expectation or exasperation. The energy you experienced in the beginning was consuming and now you feel, consumed.
Before you start thinking, "Oh, the move has killed their marriage...," let me assure you right now, we are doing okay. Actually, I am not even writing this about my marriage. This is in response to something someone has shared with me and I admit, I have felt recently myself. I think we all have been there before at one time or another.
The Honeymoon Phase is what we feel at the beginning of every new relationship. Think about when you first started your new job, met a new friend, moved to a new town, started a new ministry or project, had your first child....even in the first years of your salvation...it's fresh and new. Then, as time goes by, the adrenaline and newness wears off and the extraordinary become the routine-ordinary. Get-tos can become have-tos. The "high" we once felt has simmered and we begin to experience the "same'o same'o lows."
If we are not careful, we can simmer out. Satan has come "...only to steal and kill and destroy." John 10:10a. Whereas God says, "I came that they may have life and have it abundantly." John 10:10b. When we begin to see life shrinking around us, our relationships seem to be missing something, our ministries feel dry, our projects become laborious and burdensome, we would be wise to consider, "has something been stolen from me for my abundance is gone." Ecclesiastes 3 reminds us there is a season for everything and God certainly uses these times of trials for testing to grow us and draw us closer to Him. God allows Satan to test us and through this we can also be pruned. Testing, pruning not trials are much fun. We could finish out this convo through a whole other blog.
But there are also times when we have in some way moved away from the Lord and we leave ourselves vulnerable to attack. And that's not even to say that we are intentionally "walking" away from Him (or our career, family, friend, ministry), but maybe we have grown weary and eventually, lazy. Have we shifted our focus? Maybe we have become so familiar we have learned how to make things work on our own. The extraordinary love we once felt is gone. And yet, of course, we are still committed. But our heart longs for that "first love." We want to feel that energy again.
How do we rekindle it? Simply put, remember God's Love for you. In the beginning, we are engulfed with the learning process and we are eager to meet the challenge of all things new (in our spiritual and earthly lives). Over time, we settle for keeping up or maintaining status quo. If we go through life expecting to "feel" "high" all the time, in every relationship we join, we will quickly find ourselves disappointed and depleted. Our focus shifts from the commitment to content.
Life is hard. Relationships are hard. Work is hard. Ministry is hard. It will be the commitment, not the feelings, that see you through. When we choose to seek earnestly after our source of True Love, who is Christ Jesus our Lord, we re-discover our strength, endurance, joy, peace, contentment, hope, eagerness, and satisfaction. Our eyes will gaze upon His power and glory and no longer dwell on the shifting world around us. We remember and know His love is better than life and our lips are consumed with praising, not complaining. Our hands lift high out from the dirt. Our souls are full and satisfied as we remember The Lord our God. He is our help and our refuge to which we cling. We remember and know He is near and He holds us. Wow. That stirs my soul. What greater Love is there in life? What greater joy than to remember how much you are loved? He sent His one and only Son to die for you so you can have eternal life with Him! Nothing on earth can compare to knowing that and feeling that kind of love and commitment.
God is committed to Love you His child. Even on those days we don't feel it, we can know it. This is true in all our human relationships too. We may not always feel "the honeymoon" but the commitment that we made in the beginning is what our heart's focus needs to be. It's the commitment that sustains us. When our feelings wear down and the newness fades away, may we find refreshment in the everlasting Love and commitment that started the Honeymoon to begin with. With our heart's full, goodness and joy are the overflow. We dare to dream bigger, live larger, hope for something greater than ourselves. The joy of the Lord is our strength! It is His consuming Love that pours out of us where we live, love, work, minister. If our heart's dry up, what is there to give, but dust?!
For the person who feels their life, relationship, career, family, or ministry is lacking something, may you first remember how much you are Loved by a great and Mighty God and embrace that love fully, once again. He is committed to you. Then, be on guard. There is a thief nearby quietly attempting to steal your joy and shift your focus into the shadows of darkness and off The Light. Satan is much more interested in you knowing that what you feel is true than what you know to be true. God is more interested in you knowing what us true than what you feel is true.
I pray that your fire is rekindled in Jesus Name, because of His great Love for you. May your heart and soul once again be renewed in Him and out of that, you life's connections be strengthened and revived.
"Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me."
Psalm 51:10
Action Steps:
1.) Humble yourself before the Lord, remember and embrace His love for you
2.) Spend time daily with your Greatest Love and be filled from the fellowship with Him
3.) God's Word is alive and active, be in it consistently to gain abundant life, increasing in wisdom and discernment, love and joy, peace and strength, hope and contentment
4.) Pray over every relationship you have and ask the Lord to direct you in each one. Where God is, there will be joy and satisfaction. Ask Him what your part is to revive it and keep the connection and commitment strong and fresh (Even in the workplace, your marriage, your home life, your community, ministry, friendships, etc...there is joy even in the routines of life like laundry, dishes and work)
5.) Be aware of the enemy who creates chaos, who lies and destroys and rebuke him in Jesus' Name. Stand firm in your faith. Know the Truth and Truth will set you free!
6.) Love others well because God first well-loved you!
O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you; my flesh faints for you, as in a dry and weary land where there is no water. 2 So I have looked upon you in the sanctuary, beholding your power and glory. 3 Because your steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise you. 4 So I will bless you as long as I live; in your name I will lift up my hands. 5 My soul will be satisfied as with fat and rich food, and my mouth will praise you with joyful lips, 6 when I remember you upon my bed, and meditate on you in the watches of the night; 7 for you have been my help, and in the shadow of your wings I will sing for joy. 8 My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me.
Psalm 63:1-8 ESV
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