Checking the Check List

I recently heard an excerpt from an interview with Lysa Terkeurst who has become one of my favorite authors and she issued a warning to those of us who are List Makers to be careful in our walk with the Lord to not become a Check List Christian. That spoke directly to me. It is something this Recovering-From-Perfectionism girl has to be careful with. 
My eyes and ears have always been perked when I hear of a "new" Prayer Plan or Reading Plan, or Study Plan, Dos and Don'ts for Quiet Times, and on and on the How To's and Need To's go. I so desperately want to get this whole "walk with the Lord thing" right. I have often wondered how all the "super spiritual" women in my life spend their days and quiet times with the Lord to live such beautiful, peaceful, trusting lives, always filled with wisdom and joy, energy and hopefulness, and with such a deep knowledge of the Lord. I mean, I have my list of how it's supposed to look as I study the Proverbs 31 and Titus 2 Woman (and of course, adding my own high expectations). Up early, memorize chapters of The Word, take pages of notes, humbly and eloquently praying~ admitting, confessing, interceding and praising an Almighty God, living the day seemingly perfectly intuned to the Lord, never a harsh word spoken or impure thought, grandeous meals from the garden (not the box or freezer section), lending a hand to all in need, encouraging the weak, protecting the family name and God's name before a critical and broken world. I could go on, but can't you just feel the pressure building inside?!? 
Satan knows how to turn our good desires into anxiousness "but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives." Genesis 50:20  When I look at the "super spiritual" women, it appears to me they can do it all! In reality, I am assuming they do it all! When I question them on how they manage to "do it all" they are quick to share their imperfectionisim and trails they had to learn from over the years that brought them to the place where they are now which is still "a work in progress" as they say. My heart desire to please the Lord and serve Him with all my heart, and through that, serving and loving God, my family and others perfectly with a constant smile on my face was a daily goal, one I never could meet fully. I'd do one thing really well but fail with another. I was consumed with doing the right thing, for the right reason, the right way every time, every day, for every one. 
I had my To Do List for Prayer, for Quiet Times, for being a Perfect Wife and Mother, Friend, Church member, that it nearly killed me! Soooo many rules. Soooo many expectations. How can I live a less pressured life? How do I have joy and peace when I feel as if I am constantly failing? When will I ever feel as if I've finally arrived at spiritual maturity and life becomes easier? I just wanted to feel more natural in my walk with the Lord like these other "super spiritual" ladies, effortlessly praying and serving and living life. 
So, I began to watch and listen more. I listened to the prayers of these amazing "super spiritual" women around me. I learned more about their days and things they did and didn't do as they served their families and the community. It didn't take long to realize what I perceived as "super spiritual" was actually "super love" for the Lord their God. They also had a different kind of reverent fear about Him. They loved Him with all their heart and they postured themselves regularly and genuinely before Him each day as they led their families, in their Bible study times and through their thoughts and prayers. I saw relationship more than religious to-dos and guidelines.
Time with the Lord and prayer are such intimate moments with the Lord. I think sometimes we forget Who we are talking to. As I had the privilege to pray and/or study with some of these Godly Women, instead of listening to what they would say, I began to listen for how they said it. How beautiful. How pure. How honest. How heart-felt. How reverent. How loving. How comfortable and trusting. It was as if God was tangible in this conversation of 2. He wasn't a distant God. Was it really that easy to pray? Is that all you have to say? I admit, I expected something poetic and King James-like and big glorious words to pour out of these saintly hearts. But it wasn't so. These were real women, friends of mine, who simply loved the Lord and expressed their hearts in their own words with their own personalities, pouring out their confessions, intercessions and praises. How beautiful and real.
Mattew 6:5-8 warns us " "And when you pray, you must not be like the hypocrites. For they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and at the street corners, that they may be seen by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward. But when you pray, go into your room and shut the door and pray to your Father who is in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you. "And when you pray, do not heap up empty phrases as the Gentiles do, for they think that they will be heard for their many words. Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask Him."
So began the process of learning how to be real and intentional in my walk. It's not that I was fake, but it was so Pharisee-like, governed by rules, guaranteed by logic and not truly led by faith. I learned that while there are wonderful ways to approach my quiet times, my Bible Studies, how to manage my home, serve and love The Body, the main thing is to simply approach Him with a sincere and genuine heart, knowing He is right there with you. We get so anxious about doing it right we end up not pursuing Him, or maybe the opposite is true, we are too busy to take the time to be with Him and we assume He will just know our thoughts and that be enough. 
What God desires is not our Lists. God desires, us. He wants a relationship. Yes, He wants us to pray and lift needs and petitions to Him, to serve Him but if we don't have love, we have lost relationship and gained religion. He wants us to seek after Him with a genuine and expecting heart knowing we will find Him and there our heart will find rest, a peace that surpasses understanding and grace that motivates us to love God and others more. We begin to serve Him out of that overflow. Not the opposite. Works don't strengthen our relationships...love does. God knew we couldn't do everything perfectly, and that's why He sent His Perfect Son Christ Jesus to be Love for us and to us. Only in the power and strength of Christ can we pour out real love and walk with integrity of heart, soul and mind. Because of my love for the Lord, my energy and passions to serve Him well pour into my day. My heart is full and satisfied. I am content in Him and not in my lists and expectations. I love being in The Word where I get to know Him better and learn ways to serve Him better...because I want to...not because I am supposed to. Who doesn't want to spend time with their Best Friend, Greatest Supporter, Protector and Provider? He is my Greatest Love and every moment I get to be with Him is a treasured time. I enjoy my Daily Bread.
If you have been away from the Lord or your time with Him seems to have grown stale, I encourage you to simply return back, approach Him with a genuine and intentional heart. Share freely, honestly and simply. He is longing for you just as a Shepherd for his sheep. Share the concerns and desires of your heart. Ask for His help to live the Life He has planned for you. If you need directions on how to structure a quiet time or read the Bible, or serve in Church, or manage your home, there are plenty of resources out there to get you started and keep you going. Structure is good. Check Lists are good. However, that must not be the center or substitute for what it means to have a relationship with God. I cannot work my way to righteousness. Just as doing chores in your house doesn't make it a home, neither do check lists make your walk with God a relationship. Love makes a house a home and the same love connects us heart to Heart. And, regarding spiritual maturity...my busyness in the Kingdom does not mean I have arrived at spiritual maturity. It means I am busy. Besides, maturity is a process of growing. No one arrives until you have officially arrived! Having an accountability partner is another wonderful way to stay on track in our journey with the Lord. I have grown the most when I have been held accountable. Will talk more about that in another blog. 
When I look across the room now and see these woman I consider "super spiritual," and spiritually mature, I better understand what it is about them. They are just super in love with Jesus and they have been doing that a long time! Out of that genuine and tangible love for Him, they serve and give their absolute best in everything they do. Knowing God like they do, nothing else matters...no one's opinions carry the weight that the Lord's does to them. Their success and To Dos are whatever God has planned for them. It is not them who are perfect (although close), it is the Perfect God, working through them and that is what I am seeing in them as the Light of Christ shines and they add Salt to the earth.
With 4 kiddos at home and my desire to accomplish all that I feel God is calling me to each day in my home and in the Kingdom, and to prevent laziness, I rely on my planner to keep me on track, but nothing is more important to me than relying on The Planner Himself. If nothing else gets accomplished on my To Do List, as long as I have met with Him, my soul is satisfied. I pray that the choices I make each day and the way I live my life are honoring to Him. I pray I stay on task and hope all I say, think and do would be in His name, for His glory and not out of obligation or pressure to perform. 
I know I am not alone in this which is why I share the warning from Lysa and my testimony of religion vs relationship. May you once again hear His whispers, see His direction, feel His energy, know His power and strength. May you know Real Love again!!! Blessings!!!!  

"Therefore, brothers, since we have confidence to enter the Most Holy Place by the blood of Jesus, 20 by a new and living way opened for us through the curtain, that is, his body, 21 and since we have a great priest over the house of God, 22 let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. 23 Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. 24 And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. 25 Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another--and all the more as you see the Day approaching." Hebrews 10:19-25

"Pray then like this: "Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name. 10 Your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. 11 Give us this day our daily bread, 12 and forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. 13 And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. 14 For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, 15 but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses." Matthew 6:9-15