All about Pink & Blue

Sugar & Spice and everything nice!

Oh the blessings of being a GIRL! Once a month it's not so "fun" but the rest of the time it's pretty great I think! I'm a NOT a super Girly-Girl, but neither am I a Tom-boy. I enjoy dressing up but I can dig down in the dirt and get my nails dirty!

It's the very first question when someone announces they are expecting..."Is it a Girl or a Boy?" And of course after the birth, they always ask, "When's the next one?!" Good Grief!

My husband and I were blessed with 7 babies, four of which I care for here on Earth. The other three are in Good Hands.

In 1997, God blessed us with our first BOY.We spent the last 4 months of the pregnancy at High Risk visits watching the fluid build up in one of his tiny kidneys.Prayers were heard and there were no complications! Just one week early we met our big boy, weighing in at 8 lbs 4oz.  Everything "boy" and blue denim had filled our house. Blue blankets, burp rags, furniture, balls, toys, bottles, bags, pacifiers.

Then, in 1999, we lost our first little Angel baby only to unexpectantly find ourselves carrying our next bundle of energy! I LOVE being pregnant, such a gift, however, the pregnancy was not easy. My hormone levels had not returned back to normal ranges so when I became pregnant, my body responded as if I was already 4 months pregnant and I began to have contractions early, and I spent 6 months on bed rest hooked up to a monitor. After several trips to Labor and Delivery to settle the contractions, after 6 months of getting out twice a week in my wheelchair to go to church only, and arriving two weeks ahead of schedule, God slipped our blonde haired, blue-eyed baby boy in our hands, weighing 8lbs 1 oz.

Over the next several years, two more babies returned Home to their Heavenly Father and I cannot wait to meet them!!!

In 2005, a sea of PINK flooded our home, over powering all the denim. Lace and ruffles, bows and softness filled our home and life with all things GIRLY!! Such sweet clothes and blankets. This Tinkerbell of a Princess arrived three weeks early, weighing in at albs 5ozs. It definitely awoke the sleeping Princess within me! I found myself matching her colors and trading some of the jeans for some cute skirts!

And to our surprise, God gave us another blonde haired, blue-eyed bundle of joy, weighing in at 10lbs, 7ozs and this boy still surprises me to this day, taking his time arriving one week LATE and still continues to take his time.

When we got married, we attended marriage conferences as an enrichment to our marriage. We both have parents who are divorced and have committed to truly let God be at our center and reason! We just wanted to know HOW!  Once we entered Parenthood, we attended with the same fervor and desperation how to do it right and not to mess it up!! 20 years of marriage seminars, 15 years or parenting seminars, and today I sit in one about Womanhood. Week 1 not even completed and His Word and the insights fall fresh on me! I almost can't formulate the words to express it. Wow! Amazing God! I could go on and on with this and maybe I will blog some of this out but for now, let me tell you this: You most certainly DO have a purpose. You were created as a Masterpiece. You were created in Divine Design, in your specific role.

We were created male and female. We have a role and purpose. We are a reflection of Christ and the Church. If I understand my role as a Helpmate to Christ, it helps me understand how to be one to my Husband. If I understand my role as a woman, and I honor God through my Womanhood, won't I be a better Mommy? A Wife? A Church Member? A Friend? YES!!! He tells us "Seek FIRST His Kingdom." This is not just in how to live out day to day life, but with who we are...seek out who you are in Him first. Know the Hands that made you, then learn who He made you to be, then learn how to use the tools He gifted you with as you live the life He designed for you, as you live to honor God above all others. Your How To is The Word!!!

I tell my kids all the time, if you are living a life pleasing to The Lord, you know without a doubt that Dad and I will be pleased! If their focus is to please God above all others, all the "others" will be happy too. If they only focus on being a student and friend and Dickerson Child and yet never look towards fulfilling their role in the Kingdom which highlights the glory of God, how will they ever be satisfied? Our greatest joy is being in the center of God's Will for our life! Not having a happy marriage, earning several commas in the paycheck, being a popular and envied Parent or being a social-lite respected and known. Where does our heart's joy come from?? The Lord!! Our Peace. Our Comfort. Our Joy!

Are their roots digging deep into a sold foundation or are they spreading themselves out in shifting sand?

Maybe you have never gone all the way back to the very first question of and for yourself...Are you a Girl or a Boy in Christ? Beyond your special "parts", were you created for Manhood or Womanhood? Boy or Girl, there is a gifting only you can fulfill in all of creation. There is more to life than being the best at serving others (and ourselves if we are honest). How would our life change if our only desire was to bring honor and glory to God alone? Above all others. Understand there is a God. Beginning to End, He created everything, and in everything, with a purpose. The purpose is to reveal His beautiful Glory. To reveal Himself to us. To Love. Are you a man of God or a woman of God? Let's learn "how to" do that!!

SIDENOTE: Seminars are great, not saying we should not attend or that we won't gain practical advice, cuz we certainly have; what I am saying is that it is crucial that in order for us to understand "how to" do our our many roles we serve in this Earth right, we cannot skip pass what ought to be our first step...understand how and why we were created. Before we understand our spiritual giftedness, before we ask how to be a better "whatever" may we find out from The One Who created us, with what purpose in mind were we created, male or female.

"Then God said, "Let us make man in our image, after our likeness. And let them have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over the livestock and over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth." Genesis 1:26

Day Four, Week One...here I come!! Only Week One!?!?! It's gonna be good!!! :)

Much to Fear

Yes, there is MUCH to fear. We live in a fallen world full of selfish evils. Today, we remember the evil that fell our nation on 9/11. It's impact reached further than those planes. Everyone's lives have been impacted in one way or another, be it personal or indirectly. We personally felt the destruction as the horrific and seemingly unfathomable news poured out from the media. Although unless we were there, we will never fully know what must have seemed like hell on earth for those people which ashes fell upon.

Indirectly, 9/11 changed us as a nation. I can probably sum up what could be hundred's of books in length, our security changed. Personal securities and national securities.

As a Believer, my security changed literally as well as emotionally and spiritually. No matter who you are, it rocked your world. It made you question this topic of security and protection. What would we have done if that was us in one of those planes? Would someone have risked their life for mine? Where was our help? Would I risk my life for another? If God is real, then why did He allow this? There we go, the big question!! It was a topic of huge debate at the time. This national crisis turned some people to God while others turned away from God.

There is just as much evil today as there was back on 9/11....as there was at the beginning of time. The Father of Lies, the Wolf in Lambs clothing is still on his watch. Evil happens publicly and privately, in every nation, in every town, in our own neighborhood. What we need to remember is The Father of Truth and the Savior are still on their watch. Salvation happens publicly and privately, for every nation, for every town, in our own neighborhood. To the ends of the Earth, He reigns, always has and always will.

As a person who struggles with fear, I must guard my heart, mind and soul from dwelling about all the evil around me, in "my world." It is something I must be prepared for but not consumed by. When I look into the face of evil, the impact it should have on me is not a consuming one rather a fleeing one. If you are a Believer, if you haven't already, you surely will, come under the attack of evil. This spiritual warfare we face can only be won when we flee from evil and run with confidence to our Protector, the Lord our God. Victory over evil has already been won and yet Satan continues to fight. Until we sit at the Throne of Glory, we will be surrounded by evil.

The way we can live amongst this evil is not to ignore or deny it's power, yet to see it, and claim Jesus' power over it! Living a life of fear in whatever way it touches us is not living in the freedom that Christ has for His children. There is power in The Blood. You can walk through any trial, wilderness, hate and threat with confidence knowing that The Creator of All things, people, principalities, is with you and fighting back on your behalf. Do not cower down. Do not be defeated. Do not fall back. Stand firm. Be ready. Gather a personal army to surround you and cover you if you feel as if you are about to be overtaken. 

I was in this place just a few short years ago, consumed and fretting about the evil in my world. I feared traveling, people, circumstances. It was an ambush and I was caught in the middle of a war that I could not fight alone. There have been many battles I have won alone, praise God, but there are some wars that cannot be fought alone. I must confess that even though I was ambushed, I had also been given warnings that a war was near. I wasn't ready. I wasn't aware what it took to be in a war. I had very little armor. I didn't know my Protector like I do now! I lost confidence in myself and began to doubt my God.

I cannot tell you how super duper mega mega important it is to be in The Word of God. There you will find everything you need to live in this world. Your Armor, there. Your confidence, there. Your strength, there. Your action plan, there. Your hope, there. Your endurance, there. Your peace, there. Everything you need, there.

Whatever you are facing today, know that you are not alone. Know that victory in the battle is yours in Jesus Name if His blood covers you. Stand on The Word of God as your Authority in all things. Watch for warnings of upcoming battles. Be ready! Gather an army if needed. 

Romans 8: 15 For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, "Abba! Father!" 

Romans 8:31-39 What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? 32 He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? 33 Who shall bring any charge against God's elect? It is God who justifies. 34 Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died--more than that, who was raised--who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us. 35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? 36 As it is written, "For your sake we are being killed all the day long; we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered." 37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38 For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, 39 nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

O, The Blood of Jesus! It IS my VICTORY!! IN JESUS' NAME, AMEN!!!!!!!!

Rock vs Sand

""Everyone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock. And everyone who hears these words of mine and does not do them will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell, and great was the fall of it."" Matthew 7: 24-27

With the new change of the season, less humidity and cooler temps, I have found myself spending more time outdoors. In this Texas heat, it's a rare treat to spend full days outside without drowning in sweat! This verse came to mind today as I was returning home from my bike ride. Just outside my neighborhood, there is an area of rugged terrain I pass through to get home. For the most part, it is either sand or dirt. 

As I come flying off the street and make the transition into this "unstable" area, I must be paying attention to the unevenness of the ground so that I don't fall. Tree stumps, rocks, holes, branches and even trash fill the area. If I am not watching where I am going, I am surely gonna slip and fall.

This happened to me this morning. I wasn't paying attention as I crossed the now very familiar grounds, and my bike slid sideways on the shifting sands. I was not planning on sliding, or going sideways, but that is the way I went because I was careless. God brought this verse to mind.

Why do we "build" on "rock?" Because it is steady and dependable. Sand can be compacted down but it still gives way to pressure and it can be easily manipulated and moved. If it is our intent to build something that will withstand the pressure and rains of our circumstances, not quickly shaken or lost, then wisdom would say build on The Rock.

So it is with God. When we build our lives on God our Rock, we will withstand the pressures and rain that come against us. We won't crater and fall. Our circumstances will not control us. We will stand firm on Our Rock and endure.

Do you feel "loose?" Do you feel as though you continue, time after time, to be tossed around, heart and mind slipping and sliding, never at rest? Then may I suggest you check your foundation. You may need to replace some of that sand with a Bigger Rock!

Shade PLEASE!!!

After spending some time outside, a friend exclaimed, "Whew, it's soooo much better in the shade!!!" Indeed it is!!!! Nothing breaks the scorching glares of the sun than a good ole block of shade. Facing this intense ball of fire we call the Sun, which thankfully happens to be millions of miles away and yet, even with sunglasses on, sunblock and a hat, will burn you! Oh, the comfort of turning the corner of a building or even the shadow of a large oak tree brings instant relief from the heat-attack (which nearly leads to heat-strokes!!) Water, Water, Water people!!! 

These words of hers echoed in my head all day, with what I now know was an affirming of a lesson God was teaching me. As many of you know, my husband and I took a weekend trip and our ride on this little prop plane that delivered us to our destination was...interesting. We had the front 2 "lucky" seats which happened to face the rear of the plane!! Just one of His humors and many a little tests...

1. Being in front of people looking at you and not feeling overwhelmed....check.
2. Being calm on a little prop plane AND sitting by the exit door AND facing 100 people...check.
3. Staring at the fast spinning, metal propeller literally right out MY window, since I was facing backwards...check.


Now that all anxiety and panic attacks have been confirmed demolished in Jesus Name....AMEN!!!!!!, another lesson....


As we landed, the Holy Spirit drew my attention to the shadow created by the wing of the plane as we made our way to the gate. Depending on the direction of the wing and the sun above, the shadow would fluctuate under the wings as it casted it's shadow on the ground beneath. It would sometimes be to the left, front, back, directly under and even big and small...as the wings moved, the shadow moved. 

"Be merciful to me, O God, be merciful to me, for in You my soul takes refuge; in the shadow of Your wings I will take refuge, till the storms of destruction pass by." Psalms 57:1

Shadows are not possible without the "Son." The Holy Spirit is the Wing that move us, shape us, and shield us. And the shade is God, our Rest, Refuge, Relief and Rescue. 

So the question is, when we are being "attacked" and things are "heating up" against us, where do we find these shadows and how do we stay in it as it moves once we find it? We must intentionally align ourselves under the Wings that lend us this Rescue and Refuge we so desperately need. As the wings above us move, so we too must move in alignment. That requires being intentional and clear-minded, willing and submissive, moveable yet not scattered, eyes that see and ears that hear the direction of the Holy Spirit. And for Goodness sake, if you just cannot seem to find some shade, ASK!!! Do not let pride or fear burn you, cuz it will!!! If you are lost or already overcome, call out for help!!! God will you rescue!! There is no fire He cannot extinguish! The Lord is our only Consuming Fire, amen!!!!!

Do you feel like you are being burned alive? At one time or another, we all get a little burned. We all go through difficult desert-like seasons where it's especially hot. Eventhough the shadow is always there, it may be small so that "For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison," II Corinthians 4:17. While other times, our thirsts are satisfied fully as we fill ourselves with the Living Water and rest in Him."On the last day of the feast, the great day, Jesus stood up and cried out, "If anyone thirsts, let him come to Me and drink. Whoever believes in Me, as the Scripture has said, 'Out of his heart will flow rivers of living water.'" Now this He said about the Spirit, whom those who believed in Him were to receive, for as yet the Spirit had not been given, because Jesus was not yet glorified." John 7:37-39

 " The LORD repay you for what you have done, and a full reward be given you by the LORD, the God of Israel, under whose wings you have come to take refuge!" Ruth 2:12 

Be intentional: dive deep in the Word of God who Provides and Protects with Purpose, trusting Him to keep His promises, never leaving or forsaking you, growing you into His perfect design for you. Do not be overwhelmed or afraid when the heat is turned up! Gear up with the right armor and find your shade under the Wings of a Mighty and Faithful God!!!

3 on 3...Embracing Not Judging

Why is it that some of us thrive on the edge of a cliff while the rest of us just want to die at the mere thought of a cliff....AND BEING ON THE EDGE OF IT!?!?! OH MY!!!!! My family of 6 exemplifies these two types of people. 3 of us are more of the conservative, worrisome, cautious, like-the-level-ground types while the other 3 of us thrive on cliffhangers, steep slopes, death-defying moments!

For us level-headed, I would argue, NORMAL persons, it seems absolutely CrAzY to jump off edges, go as fast as possible, jump out of planes, push through massive crowds to get closer to the action, "hug" a shark, sample sauces named "100% Pain" and on and on I could go.

For the "gotta go for it" group, they think we are wimps! Who wouldn't want that adrenaline rush and thrill of tasting life to the fullest, even to death in the very unlikely chance, at least going out having a blast?!?! When you only live once, why not experience it to the fullest?!?! (Ummm, ME!!!!)

"Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven;" Luke 6:37

Knowing we are created together to be a community, knowing nothing is an accident, knowing God works and holds all things together, should we not embrace our differences rather than judge them? God's creation is so diverse and you and I are part of His creation! All are created for a divine purpose and therefore must be created differently to achieve it.

Having said that, we must call sin sin and we must be who God created us to be! What is wrong is what GOD says is wrong. What is right is what GOD says is right. You are fearfully and wonderfully made cuz GOD says you are! Embracing God is the only way we can embrace not only each other, but  the person you are in Him.

I am soooo grateful God blended our family so differently. We certainly are a balance for one another. Any one of us alone would be missing out for sure! For those CrAzY ones, they push the rest of us to try new things, they challenge our fears and stretch us out of our comfy, safe bubble which we pray never pops!!! I'd like to think that us "normal" ones have saved the lives of those "crazy" ones, reigning them back from seemingly foolish decisions, learning patience and respect along the way.

For me, I am unbelievably happy and joyful and content keeping my feet on steady ground. Anything that requires me being harnessed in is probably not for me!! And I am super duper okay with that. God tells us to rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep and I do. My opposite husband  does not believe me that I get such great joy standing there (camera ready of course!!!!) at the end of their ride and awaiting their responses with great anticipation! I so love seeing their faces and hearing them talk 100 mph as they try to sort out their words to describe both the emotional and physical impact of what the past 30 seconds of thrill did to them. I LOVE being on the receiving end of that!!! What JOY!

"O LORD, You have searched me and known me! You know when I sit down and when I rise up; You discern my thoughts from afar. You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways. Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O LORD, You know it altogether. You hem me in, behind and before, and lay Your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high; I cannot attain it. Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or whereshall I flee from Your presence? If I ascend to heaven, You are there! If I make my bed in Sheol, You are there! If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there Your hand shall lead me, and Your right hand shall hold me. If I say, "Surely the darkness shall cover me, and the light about me be night," even the darkness is not dark to You; the night is bright as the day, for darkness is as light with you. For you formed my inward parts; You knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are Your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from You, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in Your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them. How precious to me are Your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! If I would count them, they are more than the sand. I awake, and I am still with You." Psalm 139:1-18

Embrace! Give! Love! Respect! Grace! Recieve! GO!!

Inside-Out Worship

Questions:

If you attend a "Worship" service, does that make you a "Worshiper" by the fact you showed up?

What if you sing the words of a "worship" song? Are you "worshiping?

This hit me fresh just a few months ago. I am a woman who truly has a heart for worshiping our Lord and especially through song/music. I believe God did not give me the voice of an angel like many of my friends have cuz I would probably never be quiet! At least I know I can't sing worthy for the masses and that fact minimizes my vocal expressions of worship publicly! Yes, I absolutely sing at the top of my lungs....but alone....me and the Lord...no witnesses (aka: victims)!!! I am one of the Lord's "make a joyful noise" girls!

Unfortunately, I thought I wasn't going to be able to "worship" for a period of time. As many of you know, I swallowed a small fish bone and it scraped down my throat causing it to swell, which was made worse when I tried to talk, much less sing. Sounds silly, but it was heartbreaking for me to not be able to sing. If I talked for about 30 min just in normal conversations with the kids or in class, my throat swelled up worse and it put pressure on my tongue and voice box making my throat basically shut down. After a 30 min to an hour rest from talking, I could start the "talk timer" over. The kids and I brushed up on our sign language, and we really made sure that what ever was wanting to be said, needed to be said. You don't realize how much you can not say until you can't say it.

Talking was difficult...singing was impossible. (Deep sigh.) You just have to know me to know how serious I am when I say it was devastating for me. I sing all the time!! We are a dancing and singing family!!

I sat there in the pew that first Sunday so sad that I couldn't "worship" cuz my voice just wouldn't let me. I stood there silent...sad...grieving in what I felt was my inability to worship my Lord and Savior, my Abba Daddy, my Greatest Love of all. There was such a battle in my soul between flesh and spirit. My spirit was saying Worship while my flesh had resolved that I couldn't worship. After the first song, during the announcements, I battled a final war. It was then that the question came...so what is worship? You can't sing. How are you gonna worship now? I imagine if you took a poll asking people "how do you worship?", most people would say the name of their favorite song.

But I could not sing. But I could still worship! I know our life is an act of worship to the Lord but it would be the singing part, right? I re-discovered the answer is No!

Worship is not:
A song or a word spoken or repeated.
It's not showing up for an hour each week.
It's not playing Christian songs with your favorite instrument.

These things are the outward display of a heart of worship. I was so wrapped up in the fact that I couldn't sing, I didn't consider what was my true act of worship.

Worship begins in the heart! Worship is within us...not something from the outside in, but inside-out. For weeks, I stood up in a "worship" service, lips sealed, in worship. And yes,  I was belting it out at the top of my heart-lungs, praises and adoration to our King!! Satan doesn't want us to worship and yet, in the heart of a Believer, you can't help but want to sing out loud but how important that we realize it's not about what you do....it's what is in the heart, soul, spirit stirring inside you and is expressed outwardly in one way or another.

Another question: Is it wrong to lift your hands in response to the praise within you? No. There are plenty of scriptures that say "lift your hands" but it is wrong to lift them so it looks like you are worshiping. Is it wrong to keep your hands down to your sides when you worship? No, unless you feel your spirit wanting to lift them and you resist it. Singing, leading, playing an instrument of praise, making good choices throughout our day does not mean we are in worship. Speaking to the Lord Himself from within your heart and soul...that is worship! Then, we can speak it, sing it, play it, act out because of it. It then becomes a community of worship, a worship service.

Nothing can stop your worship!!! Satan would like to, but he can't unless you let him. No voice? No problem!! Can't make it worship service one week? No problem, worship right where you are, just how you are, music or no music.

Week by week, my throat has healed up and last Sunday was my first time to sing out in worship through all the songs. It felt so good to express outwardly what was happening on the inside (even though He already sees and hears what's going on in there), I know there had to be a smile on my face cuz my heart was surely smiling!! Like a kid who squeals at the sight of cake, so I felt that Sunday! Joyful and Abundant in praise!!

It was a great lesson re-learned. Our worship comes from our heart, not our lips, not our hands, not our feet. Eventhough I have most of my strength back in my voice, I find a sweetness in just closing my eyes and my lips and belting out my worship from the inside-out!! Not for too long though, before I can't stand it and noise bursts through!!

"Take care lest your heart be deceived, and you turn aside and serve other gods and worship them;"

Deuteronomy 11: 16

"And he said to him, "All these I will give you, if you will fall down and worship me." Then Jesus said to him, "Be gone, Satan! For it is written,"'You shall worship the Lord your God and Him only shall you serve.'"

Matthew 4:9-10

"But the hour is coming, and is now here, when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for the Father is seeking such people to worship Him. God is spirit,
and those who worship Him must worship in spirit and truth."

John 4: 23-24

Father God, Holy One, may my life lived out on the outside be a reflection of my heart for You on the inside. May I be more consumed with the condition of my heart than the words on the screen during times of corporate worship. May the song sung on the inside bless Your heart more than the joyful noise that flows out. May the choices I make throughout each day, bring You honor and praise as an act of worship to You. You are worthy of all my praise and to You alone I worship. God, I know You already see my heart for You, but Lord, I want it to worship and honor You in everything I do. Guard my heart and set my eyes on You fully. Rescue our hearts, cover them, fill them, protect them in Your Holy Name, amen!

"I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect."

 Romans 12: 1-2

Oh WORSHIP our Lord and King, in spirit and truth!!!!!

Thought I'd Say Hi!

Okay, so this is going to be as weird to write as it is weird to think about...every week it seems I hear of a new person stopping by the blog lately! I don't share that in a bragging way AT ALL, but one of child-like joy that God IS using me. Something I never thought possible and yet always "wished" would be so. If He never wastes a hurt, I'm sure to be busy for a while!!

So, I thought I should say Hello to you!!! I don't know all of "you" but I am thankful to have the opportunity to share a little bit of Who Christ is in my life, how He speaks to me, how He teaches me, how He makes me laugh, how He cares for me and loves me in a way unlike anyone ever has before or ever will, for that matter!!! He can do the SAME for you. I pray that as I ramble about my daily life and how God reveals Himself to me in creative ways that you will be encouraged in your heart and spirit. It's always my prayer that God would re-write the words and make them work for His good.

Some of you know me personally while others of you are new to me and some of you have no clue who I am. I'd like to re-introduce myself briefly to you.

This year I turned the Big 40 and it has had it's share of aches and pains (some literally) but also greatest blessings!! I have been married going on 20 years, have 4 children ages 15, 12, 7, and 5. I am a stay at home Mom and my greatest Love of all is the Beautiful, Loving, Rock, my Lord Jesus. I was blessed to be raised in church by parents who loved me and protected me. I attend a church who's heart is very mission minded and meaty!

My relationship with the Lord had been what I would call "normal" for the first 23 years. It involved going to church every Sunday and Wednesday and volunteering with the children and youth whenever there was a need. I attended nearly every women's bible study over the years, learning and praying for all these things to be true for me in my life, but never really having the wisdom or mentorship to be taught or shown how to apply this knowledge, moving it from the head to my heart in action. 

My personality is one of general shyness (yes, I know some of you have said NO WAY, but yes, I am just simply comfortable with you and that's probably why you don't think that!), great patience, compassion, hopeful/peacemaking, and thanks to my Mom- many creative tendencies! I do constantly call out on God's Grace to cover over me in the areas of doubt, anxiety, inadequacy, unworthiness, perfectionism, lack of trust, fear, bitterness and I could go on...but just know, this Hopeful-God-Loving-Dreamer is not perfect or close to it. Often I look up at God and wonder How me? Why me? Really, me?

When I walked through my Season of Hell in 2008-2009, it was then that my walk relationship REALLY became "normal." It's NOT normal to simply go to church, serve where needed and even tithe, never being in awe, never hearing His voice, never feeling His discipline/correction or the opposite, His smile/breath/teaching. It is normal within any relationship to gain knowledge about the other person, learning and knowing all you can, but it is also a normal part of the relationship to love them and be loved in return, to share intimacy with one another, according to the type of relationship. (Not being a professional writer or psychologist-I will do my best to explain..)

With our children, we provide for them and love them, but how much richer when we interact with them one on one and truly know their heart, their little smirks and what it means. One look and ya know what's going on it that brain of theirs. Same with our spouse or friend. The more time we spend with them, the more we get to know them. When we know them more intimately, we can understand their hearts without them even needing to explain. We feel it. We know it. We desire to really know them and not just know them. It's normal to know them and hence walk in step with them out of love.

So it is with the Lord. The more you get to know Him, the more you see His heart. You hear Him. You see Him. You feel Him. You love Him. You trust Him. You count on Him. That is normal! I didn't ever know that until what was normal began to be not-normal and what seemed abnormal became normal  and was consistently proving to BE normal. (Say that fast 5 times!!)

It's just not "normal" to have peace in the midst of crisis.
It's just not "normal" to have someone love you unconditionally, just as you are.
It's just not "normal" to hear a theme repeated clearly through song, sermons, emails, conversations with others.
It's just not "normal" to trust fully and love fully and act upon it without fear or doubt. We are humans who naturally act by flesh, not spirit. Oh spirit, lead us please!!!! And yet it is! What is "normal" is whatever we accept as average at the time. Just because something has become normal for us does not mean it is good. For example, it may have become normal for you to stop tithing so you can save money for vacation, or maybe it's become normal around the house to respond to each other in anger or sarcasim. They may be normal occurances but are they good? Our definition of normal needs to be constantly examined. Where does it say we are suppossed to be normal anyway?!?

I knew God (spending time in fellowship) wasn't a priority in my life. Oh yes, I loved Him and knew Him and that's exactly why I thought He would appreciate how I honored Him in all my doings in all my different life-roles. He was important, just not intimate in my life. All my doings and intentions were not, are not, what He desires. He wants us. He wants our hearts. Yes, we should serve Him and focus on Him and serve in His name, but if we do all that because we know we should....we will miss what's "normal." It will become normal to do those things out of the overflow of love that we receive from Him and thus our acts of worship flow out of this great love.

We don't get love by doing. We get love by receiving.

My most precious and real relationships with others are with those whom have given and I have received their love into my heart. Protective walls, grouted by the tears we have shed don't come down easy. But for those who God has placed in my life, and yours, they have been gifted to us for a reason only God knows. We can only do what's He's placed before us and trust the One who is trustworthy. Sometimes He tears down the walls. Other times He sends us those who will help us tear them down brick by brick with grace and gentle kindness. That used to be abnormal to me, and now that is normal!!

I love my new "normal" but I admit there are times I feel so unworthy and so undeserving and wonder if this is all true....His promises for me/us...are they really true?! How can such a powerful and mighty God still love me when I have doubted Him and even disobeyed Him?! And yet He does, time after time...it's normal for Him to. I cannot tell you the amount of times I just want to say I can't and walk away...but His Love binds, never leaving or forsaking what is His. Oh how He loves us so. Jesus loves us, this we know.

So, I pray that as you journey with the Lord, as you stop by the blog for whatever reason you stop by, to learn about me, to hopefully be encouraged that you are not alone or to be reminded that you are cared for by a Unmovable Rock and Loving Father. As you take any thing from here, may GOD define for you what (good or bad) "normal" and "abnormal" within your relationship with Him, that you will understand and be encouraged that no two people are alike, therefore no two relationships are alike. God reveals Himself to each of us in millions of different ways every day in every season. We cannot compare ourselves to each other nor should we put God in a box with human limits or assumptions, but we can know that He loves each of us imperfect sinners the same, He has forgiven all my sins and yours, He cares for you just as much as He cares for me, He desires for you to seek after Him to hear Him and see Him. This God Almighty we serve wants your heart and He wants mine, and all our doings that follow are our acts of love back to Him.

My we each strive to change our worldly definition and limitations of normal to abnormal for we are a peculiar people!!! Thank you for stopping by to meet me. As you can see, I am not normal!! I am peculiar even to myself. I don't get me but am thankful God does and that somehow He uses me. Don't ya know He uses you to encourage me?!? Yes He has!! Thank you! Blessings!!!!

This is my current life-verse and my prayer:

    "And now, Israel, what does the LORD your God require of you, but to fear the LORD your God, to walk in all his ways, to love him, to serve the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul," Deuteronomy 10:12

Lord Jesus, Gracious and Amazing Lord, it is our desire to do as You have required, to fear you Lord our God, to walk in all Your ways and not our own, to love You and serve only You Lord God, with all our heart and with with all our soul. We want nothing more than all of You. No one and nothing compares to You. We are nothing outside of Your grace and mercy. God, accept our acts of worship with patience as we learn what it looks like to honor You and fellowship with You. We want to be Your hands and feet here on Earth but greater than that Lord, we want to be Your heartbeat. Help us give life into those who are lifeless. Help us to be abnormally normal in Your sight God. May our focus be on You always, never comparing or judging, but encouraging and enjoying the blessings around us. Thank You Lord God for those who You place in our life to mentor us through teaching and living out their life from their heart that beats so clearly for You. Bless them for trusting You enough to share their tender but strong and faithful hearts with those of us who are eager to learn more about You and how to hear Your very heartbeat and breath as we fall into Your outstretched arms by faith. Jesus, Lord and Holy Spirit, fall fresh on us, move us out of Your way. You alone are worthy of our never-ending praise. Bless Your Name. amen.

  So nice to meet you! If I haven't scared you away, I'll see ya again soon! HUGS and Blessings in the Sweet Name of Jesus!

A Necessary Mess

It’s Summertime and that means Project Time mixed in with a little play time, of course! This week, I decided to tackle my yard. If you know me, you know I don’t have a green thumb and yet I appreciate and yearn for a yard worthy to be on the pages of Southern Living Magazine. I absolutely LOVE flowers and budding bushes covered by a canopy of shade trees. I simply don’t have the money or the time in this season of my life to put forth the amount of time and energy it would take to create and maintain a yard like that. Today, I figured I could at least get the clippers out and trim up all the bushes, pull out hopefully half of the 100,000 weeds and prune the trees. It felt so good to make the decision to get the job done!

I enlisted the help of the boys and assigned my 12 year old son to do the final clean up. We would do all the pruning and he just had to rake it up and sweep up the sidewalks after we were all done. Never liking to do work, he complained as I expected. Well, that was his job and the fact that he whined so much made it even surer that he was not getting out of it!

It was a mess!!! Clippings flew everywhere across the yard. Sure, the weeds made neat little piles but all that was cut away, scattered! When all was said and done, nearly 4 hours later, the yard looked soooo much better. It looked cared for cuz it had been. It was no longer a jungle of dead or uneven branches. Maintaining it from this point on will be easier since the hardest part had been taken care of….until next Spring I am sure, when once again, the harshness and unpredictability of the Winter brings uneven growth once again and the need for a pruning has come once again.

I called my son out to begin his clean up job and if you could have just seen his face…oh my. You’d have thought there was confetti tossed in the wind and I had asked him to pick up every little piece! Nothing like a little overreacting! “Moooooom, there’s too much to clean up!” I replied, “Well, when there is much to prune, there will be much to clean up.”

God tugged at my spirit in the moment….a lesson being taught for me to reflect on His Holy pruning seasons with me. The longer we go without “pruning” the greater amount of work there will be to get done. And the more “pruning” that needs to get done, sometimes the messier things appear eventhough the end result is only achieved through this process. The mess made will be cleaned up in due time. There will be more to clean up after a seasonal pruning than that which is simply maintenance; therefore, the clean up time varies depending on what had needed to be done.

When God begins a pruning process on us, yes, it can look and feel like a disaster has struck our lives, we feel scattered and out of place. But we know that He will never give us more than we can bear and we know that all things work together  for our good and His glory. The old and dead must be cut away for new growth to have a place to bloom. Dead branches cannot produce fruit. It is dead. When it comes to cleaning up after a pruning, the amount of time and energy and prayer you put into it will determine how long it takes to clean it up. Depending on the pruning, there may not be much but I can tell ya that I have had prunnings that have taken a looooong while. I can’t help but think of a child getting a haircut. Even though the Barber is the One cutting, if the child wiggles around, it will take longer to finish the haircut. We can be that wiggley child and cause things to take longer than necessary or we can sit still and allow the process to finish.

First we must recognize the pruning, often we discount it saying “it’s just been bad luck for me lately.” One of the benefits of our constant fellowship with our Father, we know when He is in the Garden with us and when He has a project to be done! If we recognize the pruning, the quicker we can sit still for the pruning and start the clean up process until it is done. If we stand by ignorantly or in denial, we are more likely to feel overwhelmed and hinder the process as we stand there with hands on hips. How much quicker if we grab a broom and dustpan and say, “Okay God, I am ready.”

Then, as we wait for the pruning to be done, with patience in His grace, we clean up what we can, as we find clippings. I admit there are times where I get mad and refuse to sit still or clean up. We all know that anything ignored never gets better with time, but worse. We must be have patience through the process. Depending on how much is cut away and our willingness to clean it up, will determine the length of time it takes to move on!

Like my son, once he accepted the fact that this was his job, and once he put his energy towards cleaning and not complaining, he got closer and closer to a job well done. He set his mind on the task at hand and got it done. It could have been completed quicker, but he chose to stall at certain times. Had he set his mind on the task at hand from the beginning, he would have been able to go play with his friends sooner.

Is God trying to get you to sit still for a little pruning work in your life? Most people don’t talk about the tough seasons in a Believer’s life, especially ones of correction or pruning but I think it’s necessary!! We should not hide in shame or guilt in the refining processes. It is in the process where our character and spiritual muscles grow. Our flesh says it’s not until we have cleaned up that we are accepted and normal and strong again but I am here to tell you that it is in these moments where you find out who your friends are and who God is to you and what you are made of. Even though we may feel scattered, and our flesh weak, our spirit is growing stronger if we let it. How strong we are to accept the pruning, get accountability, be willing to share what God is doing, share our fears and feelings so that God may receive all the glory when the fruit comes. We are nothing good in and of ourselves. It is God who is amazing and holy and perfect!!!

"Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through Him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. 

More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us."

Romans 5: 1-5

"Watch and pray that you may not enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak."

Matthew 26:41

Father God, thank You for knowing what we need. Eventhough it can be uncomfortable and sometimes overwhelming at all that seems scattered and misplaced, I thank You for Your grace that holds everything together in perfect harmony. Help me to recognize and receive Your correction quickly and Your pruning with patience so that the mess can be cleaned up and I can move on in a season of bearing more fruit!

Help us to be patient with hope in the process as You prune what You see needs to be pruned.  Holy Spirit, lead us on the path of less resistance, that we may stand strong, walking with steadfastness and assurance that we are headed to a more beautiful place that gives our Lord God all the glory. May we stand ready with broom and dustpan to clean up and a basket to gather all the gracious fruit to come! In Your Holy Name, amen.