Day One of 2011 began with tears of joy and tears of sadness. I have no idea what 2011 holds for me with God. I feel almost as if I have on a blindfold and by faith, I can only enter each day as if it was a door to be opened. Sounds kinda faithful and courageous, but I promise you that is not how I feel. I am trusting Him completely to work all things out for the good (Romans 8:28) and yet, I am nervous, or maybe it's anxious. Or maybe I am anxiously excited!? I don't know.
This January, I will be leading a bible study here in my home, actually in a few weeks and although I know God has handed this opportunity to me, of which I am honored to have been asked, I do not yet have the curriculum. The Planner is getting anxious, a bit nervous in my flesh, but my spirit is calm and trusting. I am not confident in my ability to lead, teach, encourage or help but I am confident that God will lead, teach and encourage through me...despite me. I am nothing, just merely a vessel. Of course, I must trust, take a "risk", have faith in His abilities, not mine.
I know, I know. I hear myself telling this to myself, " Self, there is nothing God asks you to do that He will not equip you to do. Keep trusting Him and do not worry about it. It will be okay."
What it comes down to is the lack of control. We want everything to be planned out on the calendar. We hope to have just the right amount of money saved up for the thing we need to get this year, only for something else to happend causing us to dip into that saved amount. We want our jobs to go smoothly, raises to be given and respect shown. We expect our children to be perfect represenatives of their family. We pray for a surrounding of amazing friends who will keep intouch, look past our flaws and love us forever.
There is no control with "risks". Every day and every thing has risks involved. Activites get cancelled, finances can quickly come and go, jobs can be stressful or worse-lost, children will misbehave and talk back, and some seasons will be lonely. All things involve risks.
Even walking with God.
When we choose salvation in Christ, we choose to follow Him~ dieing to self, letting go of control, not knowing what lies ahead. It is no longer about controlling ourself, it is self-control in the Spirit. Handing over complete control of my imperfect self to a perfect God. I'd much rather He lead than I lead. Who am I to know where He is taking me? I don't. I have gone through seasons where I can clearly see the process, peeling back one layer at a time, knowing which layer we were working on and seeing which was next. I am learning about trust this New Years' and as I attempted to figure out the impossible, I realized I it was a waste of time for how can I know the plans of God? He knows the plans for me. (Jeremiah 29:11)
I am much better off taking a risk with God than with myself. He knows me better. He loves me more than I love myself. Who better to trust than He? With risks, I think the fear arises because there is an unknown outcome. Why do we get bent out of shape? Because we are anticipating failure in some way. If we had hope and believed in a favorable outcome, then we would gladly take the risk. So, when we hand ourselves over to a perfect God, loving Father, The Rock and Refuge, Ever Lasting Lord....will I believe in Him? Will I look forward with hope, by faith that He is going to lead me beside still waters through valleys and mountaintops in 2011? Will I risk my human failure, my feelings, in order to gain rewards and blessings?
One of my mentors in the faith taight me the concepts which are so very true~without pain, how can God be Comforter? Without the heartbreak, sadness or anger, how will we understand Joy and Peace? Without trials and failures, how would we understand Grace, Mercy, Compassion.
Maybe this is what 2011 is for me...a year of "risks." I actually don't think it should be called a "risk" with God. In the human-sphere, yes, going into an unknown is a "rick." With God, it's "faith." Maybe a year of strengthening my faith, gaining courage and going past comfort levels is coming...it's here! Alrighty then...if God is for me then who can stand against me? I will trust in the Lord. I will work out my salvation. I will stretch and build my physical, emotional and spiritual muscles.
"Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. " Hebrews 11:11
Each year carries it's highs and lows. The unpredictability is what should be keeping us clinging to the Lord over all, the Creator and Establisher of all things. May the Love we have from God be the glue that binds our faith and hope close.
"Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners--of whom I am the worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display His unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe on Him and receive eternal life. Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible,the only God, be honor and glory for ever and ever. Amen." Hebrews 11:15-17
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