What a season of Self Discovery...everything was going "just fine" in my life until I began "finding myself." Now, I have to answer questions I would rather not. It takes a lot of work, time and energy when it comes to 'diggin deep," finding "why you do what you do," "where do your beliefs come from," "why do you have certain behaviors and beliefs." Before this season in my life, although my heart broke over and over on the inside, I was able to suck it up and keep on going...handling life as it came without skipping a beat...as far as the outside world knew of anyway.
How many of us just put on the Cinderella glasses every day, looking for the best yet to come, handling what is dealt to us-good and bad- and yet deep down, there is anger, hurt, sadness, leading to low self-esteem and depression, then leading into lonliness. The repercussions mentally, physically and spiritually of not dealing with life head on and avoiding the hard stuff is more difficult to deal with, in hind sight than had we just dealt with the stuff to begin with. But, in the moment, avoidance seems easiest...for the moment!
Of course, looking ahead for the good things is good, many times is easier...but not when we avoid acknowledging and handling the bad things, the rejections, judgements, critisims, betrayals, hurtful words...so on go the Cinderella glasses, staying positive, don't make trouble, go with the flow, get done what needs to get done, look for the best in others. For me this Cinderella way of living is natural to me in some ways, in that being gifted with the spiritual gift of encouragement, it is easy for me to make lemonade out of lemons and see the best in others. Unfortunately, I don't seem to have the same gift when I look in the mirror.
Why is it so easy to forgive others, see their best at their worst of times and yet see nothing good in ourself? Working through your current "junk" is no problem, it is an honor and privilege to encourage you in Christ's love...but as long as the tables don't turn...why is that? I believe it is years of not believing you are accepted and loved just the way you are. Being inadequate. Feeling worthless. Not worth the time.
We all have room for improvement, no one is perfect so why is it that for some, they can look in the mirror and see pretty close to awesome and others of us see..well, not much of anything...I remember my old Pastor telling us it takes 7 positive words/affirmations to overcome 1 negative word spoken to you. Instead of thinking of the 7 positive things said to me, I tend to dwell on the 1 negative, somehow wishing that the positives were actually true. That is pitiful and yet no one knows this because it is inside stuff.
Our thoughts are just that, inside stuff. They say our actions follow our beliefs, I suppose that's where the Cinderella glasses come in to the picture. You slip those magical glasses on and everything looks okay, everything seems pretty wonderful...and so the behavior follows-outwardly anyway. The more you wear the glasses, the easier it becomes to avoid dealing with the negative stuff. Us Peacemaker personalities must be careful of this pitfall. Trials are part of life. God tells us we will face trials and temptations in this life. It is during these times, we seek more desperately for help. It is in the tough times we began to search and reach out for help.
Think of it this way...when you buy a house, do you naturally think to purchase a fire extinguisher? I didn't. I never had a need to put out a fire, so it never occurred to me to have to have one, just in case a rare fire broke loose. Then, one day, bacon grease caused a fire. I wasn't prepared or equipped. I had not rehearsed, planned, prepared for the fire. I was helpless.
Now, we have a fire extinguisher. I am prepared. I am ready for a fire.
This is the same with us. It is so important to be prepared, equipped and realisitc with ourselves and with God and with others. God loves us UNCONDITIONALLY! He is with us in the good and the bad. He will never leave our side. It is important to see ourselves through God's loving, accepting eyes. For if we accept this truth and live in it, when a fire comes, we are ready, prepared and equipped. We cannot assume a fire will never come. If we become so blind that we cannot feel the heat from the flames, we will get burned. Our hearts will break, our minds will not be controlled and our spirits will grieve. We are hurting ourselves. How effective of a Mom, Wife, Friend, Child of God will I be if I am internally blistered? I will be too consumed by my own wounds and hindered to minister to you...
I want to encourage you to take a walk of Self Discovery. Nope, it is not really all that fun. (And no, it's not the same thing as making New Year's Resolutions, although setting some goals isn't a bad idea to get you started!) Who enjoys cleaning out the garage full of clutter and junk. It is not a natural thing and we tend to not make it too hard on ourselves, thinking "oh, I am okay.", so I recommend finding a book, workbook, bible study, or a sermon series and find yourself an accountability partner to walk with you through this cleansing process. Take a look at your relationships, with self, others and God. Are you wearing Cinderella glasses or are you walking through the mountains and the valleys of life, prepared, equipped and ready for fire?
For no one can lay any foundation other than the one already laid, which is Jesus Christ. 12 "If any man builds on this foundation using gold, silver, costly stones, wood, hay or straw, his work will be shown for what it is, because the Day will bring it to light. It will be revealed with fire, and the fire will test the quality of each man's work. If what he has built survives, he will receive his reward. If it is burned up, he will suffer loss; he himself will be saved, but only as one escaping through the flames. Don't you know that you yourselves are God's temple and that God's Spirit lives in you? If anyone destroys God's temple, God will destroy him; for God's temple is sacred, and you are that temple.
Do not deceive yourselves. If any one of you thinks he is wise by the standards of this age, he should become a "fool" so that he may become wise. For the wisdom of this world is foolishness in God's sight. As it is written: "He catches the wise in their craftiness"; and again, "The Lord knows that the thoughts of the wise are futile."
Lord Jesus, thank you for loving me like only You can, for seeing me as acceptable, worthy and adequate. Pour out Your mercy and grace on me and help me to get these truths deep down in my heart and soul. May my Spirit provoke me to recognize both good and bad and handle with honesty what comes my way. Forgive me Lord Jesus when You called out for me to avoid the fire and I didn't listen. Thank You Sovereign God that my burns were minimal and because of Your grace, they were just enough to cause me to begin to listen with acute ears for Your voice. May the fire within me be pure, cleansing and controlled by You. Help me get out of Your way to seeing, believing and living a life of truth. In You, with You, I am equipped for today. With You, I am ready.
My portion. My Healer. My Counselor. In Your Precious and Holy name I pray and praise You. I love you. amen.
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