You are My Sunshine, My Only Sunshine!

"The Mighty One, God, the Lord, speaks and summons the earth from the rising of the sun to the place where it sets... 

I have no need of a bull from your stall or of goats from your pens, for every animal of the forest is Mine, and the cattle on a thousand hills. I know every bird in the mountains, and the creatures of the field are Mine. If I were hungry I would not tell you, for the world is Mine, 

and all that is in it."  Psalms 50:1,9-12

Just when we think we are alone, God reminds us we certainly are not!  How quick we are to forget that this God, our God, the One and Only True God calls out and summons the sun from the rising to the setting of each day. Wow! That is power. That is authority. He is Author and Perfecter of everything. Everything is under His command...including us.

We get so caught up in our "doings" throughout the day, running here and there, returning calls, taking care of the kids and the house, working out projects, running errands for others, that our minds fall into the self-preservation mode if we are not careful. Plugging along one activity at a time only to be thrown a loop in our day and all of a sudden we are "lost." 

That was exactly me over a year ago. I was living life, caring for the kids, house, doing all the things a typical stay at home Mom (and Homeschooling Mom) do each day. Only, I forgot to consult my Boss, my Authority the beginning of every morning. I knew what I need to get done today, just to survive, but I forgot to check in with Him, the One who summoned the Sun to shine through my windows that morning as I awoke and began to prepare for the day to come.

My God is a patient God. He waited and waited for me, even through a few warning flags to direct me to Him. Because He promises that He will not allow the weights to be more than we can bear, He captured me where I could no longer go without consulting Him. Believing I was moving forward, He saw me going backwards and He stopped me from continuing on in the wrong directing. Where I was heading is not where He was summoning me to go.  I do not want to ever again be in a place without my Authority and Maker. Now, I purpose my morning to be still and listen and seek out His summons for me that day. One day at a time, with God's help, I will walk where He leads. From planning out the routine of the day to praying for another, I submit..."God, help my flesh stay out of the way and keep my spirit strong and faithful to follow You."

Friend, do you know that the same God who summons the sun and who's authority is over everything in the earth is summoning you? He has a plan for you. When the sunlight next filters in through your window blinds, won't you allow Him to capture you where you are and may His Light be a summons to your spirit. Be reminded that He is with you. He is in control over ALL things- all your loved ones, all your projects, all your duties, chores and roles you fulfill, illness and disease, anxieties, dreams and desires, needs and wants. He is the Alpha and Omega, the Beginning and the End of ALL things! Heaven and Earth! 

Cinderella's Glasses

What a season of Self Discovery...everything was going "just fine" in my life until I began "finding myself." Now, I have to answer questions I would rather not. It takes a lot of work, time and energy when it comes to 'diggin deep," finding "why you do what you do," "where do your beliefs come from," "why do you have certain behaviors and beliefs." Before this season in my life, although my heart broke over and over on the inside, I was able to suck it up and keep on going...handling life as it came without skipping a beat...as far as the outside world knew of anyway.

How many of us just put on the Cinderella glasses every day, looking for the best yet to come, handling what is dealt to us-good and bad- and yet deep down, there is anger, hurt, sadness, leading to low self-esteem and depression, then leading into lonliness. The repercussions mentally, physically and spiritually of not dealing with life head on and avoiding the hard stuff is more difficult to deal with, in hind sight than had we just dealt with the stuff to begin with. But, in the moment, avoidance seems easiest...for the moment!

Of course, looking ahead for the good things is good, many times is easier...but not when we avoid acknowledging and handling the bad things, the rejections, judgements, critisims, betrayals, hurtful words...so on go the Cinderella glasses, staying positive, don't make trouble, go with the flow, get done what needs to get done, look for the best in others. For me this Cinderella way of living is natural to me in some ways, in that being gifted with the spiritual gift of encouragement, it is easy for me to make lemonade out of lemons and see the best in others. Unfortunately, I don't seem to have the same gift when I look in the mirror. 

Why is it so easy to forgive others, see their best at their worst of times and yet see nothing good in ourself? Working through your current "junk" is no problem, it is an honor and privilege to encourage you in Christ's love...but as long as the tables don't turn...why is that? I believe it is years of not believing you are accepted and loved just the way you are. Being inadequate. Feeling worthless. Not worth the time.

We all have room for improvement, no one is perfect so why is it that for some, they can look in the mirror and see pretty close to awesome and others of us see..well, not much of anything...I remember my old Pastor telling us it takes 7 positive words/affirmations to overcome 1 negative word spoken to you. Instead of thinking of the 7 positive things said to me, I tend to dwell on the 1 negative, somehow wishing that the positives were actually true. That is pitiful and yet no one knows this because it is inside stuff. 

Our thoughts are just that, inside stuff. They say our actions follow our beliefs, I suppose that's where the Cinderella glasses come in to the picture. You slip those magical glasses on and everything looks okay, everything seems pretty wonderful...and so the behavior follows-outwardly anyway. The more you wear the glasses, the easier it becomes to avoid dealing with the negative stuff. Us Peacemaker personalities must be careful of this pitfall. Trials are part of life. God tells us we will face trials and temptations in this life. It is during these times, we seek more desperately for help. It is in the tough times we began to search and reach out for help.

Think of it this way...when you buy a house, do you naturally think to purchase a fire extinguisher? I didn't. I never had a need to put out a fire, so it never occurred to me to have to have one, just in case a rare fire broke loose. Then, one day, bacon grease caused a fire. I wasn't prepared or equipped. I had not rehearsed, planned, prepared for the fire. I was helpless.

Now, we have a fire extinguisher. I am prepared. I am ready for a fire.

This is the same with us. It is so important to be prepared, equipped and realisitc with ourselves and with God and with others. God loves us UNCONDITIONALLY! He is with us in the good and the bad. He will never leave our side. It is important to see ourselves through God's loving, accepting eyes. For if we accept this truth and live in it, when a fire comes, we are ready, prepared and equipped. We cannot assume a fire will never come. If we become so blind that we cannot feel the heat from the flames, we will get burned. Our hearts will break, our minds will not be controlled and our spirits will grieve. We are hurting ourselves. How effective of a Mom, Wife, Friend, Child of God will I be if I am internally blistered? I will be too consumed by my own wounds and hindered to minister to you... 

I want to encourage you to take a walk of Self Discovery. Nope, it is not really all that fun. (And no, it's not the same thing as making New Year's Resolutions, although setting some goals isn't a bad idea to get you started!) Who enjoys cleaning out the garage full of clutter and junk. It is not a natural thing and we tend to not make it too hard on ourselves, thinking "oh, I am okay.", so I recommend finding a book, workbook, bible study, or a sermon series and find yourself an accountability partner to walk with you through this cleansing process. Take a look at your relationships, with self, others and God. Are you wearing Cinderella glasses or are you walking through the mountains and the valleys of life, prepared, equipped and ready for fire?

For no one can lay any foundation other than the one already laid, which is Jesus Christ. 12 "If any man builds on this foundation using gold, silver, costly stones, wood, hay or straw, his work will be shown for what it is, because the Day will bring it to light. It will be revealed with fire, and the fire will test the quality of each man's work. If what he has built survives, he will receive his reward. If it is burned up, he will suffer loss; he himself will be saved, but only as one escaping through the flames. Don't you know that you yourselves are God's temple and that God's Spirit lives in you? If anyone destroys God's temple, God will destroy him; for God's temple is sacred, and you are that temple.  

Do not deceive yourselves. If any one of you thinks he is wise by the standards of this age, he should become a "fool" so that he may become wise. For the wisdom of this world is foolishness in God's sight. As it is written: "He catches the wise in their craftiness"; and again, "The Lord knows that the thoughts of the wise are futile."  

So then, no more boasting about men! " I Cor 13:11-21

Lord Jesus, thank you for loving me like only You can, for seeing me as acceptable, worthy and adequate. Pour out Your mercy and grace on me and help me to get these truths deep down in my heart and soul. May my Spirit provoke me to recognize both good and bad and handle with honesty what comes my way. Forgive me Lord Jesus when You called out for me to avoid the fire and I didn't listen. Thank You Sovereign God that my burns were minimal and because of Your grace, they were just enough to cause me to begin to listen with acute ears for Your voice. May the fire within me be pure, cleansing and controlled by You. Help me get out of Your way to seeing, believing and living a life of truth. In You, with You, I am equipped for today. With You, I am ready.

My portion. My Healer. My Counselor.  In Your Precious and Holy name I pray and praise You. I love you. amen.

Mama's Paycheck

Just when you begin to wonder if they even hear you, do they know you really love them and that's why you do what you do, or when they huff and puff day in and day out, week after week...don't they see how much you love them?

For me, it was like getting his paycheck for the year!! Cody is my creative child. He has always been so sweet hearted and loving to others, especially me, his Mommy. He's my Cody-Bear and always will be. I remember when he was so little and would bring me a flower from the yard every time he went outside to play. He went straight out to search for the flower and would go play once he delivered it to me. So sweet! I prayed nothing would ever rob his joy and compassion.

He would be the child who would make me a card with every color crayon he could mix in. It wasn't so much that he said Thank you or I love you...it was the time and energy he was gifting me. I noticed the extra effort and it meant a lot to me.

In these moments, I am soooo thankful for technology. It captures these precious times and forever remembers. Great news because my lack of memory cells would not and I never want to forget.

As we look at Valentine's I wonder if some of us have forgotten we are loved? Maybe someone has thrown a dart or maybe a bulldozer has plowed through your heart and it is broken, partially or completely. We try to patch them up and are forever scared by the wounds, but do you know that it doesn't mean that you will never experience love again or that you have become unlovable?

FRIEND, YOU ARE LOVED!!! Even if you don't feel loved, there is One who loves you unconditionally. It is not earned or based on your own efforts or works. God sent His Son to die for you. Through His love you can be healed. He is the great Physician and Counselor. We have all been hurt at one time in our life, physically and/or emotionally, but GOD LOVES YOU! He wants you to trust Him with your heart. Do not be afraid to give it to Him. He will NOT betray you.

Won't you give love another chance? Step out and faith and love with your heart again, not just with your mind, but love with your heart...

Love Yourself: I know...you are not perfect, none of us are!! You probably do not like part of yourself, I understand that!! I do! But we must get to a place that we can let go of the tight grip of protection around our hearts to begin to receive healing and love. If we understand we are loved despite our imperfections, that God loves us just how we are (doesn't love our sin, He loves us) then we can love our neighbors as ourselves. We can get past the shame be set free from condemnation.

Love Others: It is hard to love those who have hurt us, but as long as we hold onto the anger or bitterness, how can we forgive and begin to love them with the love God has even for them? Love our enemies...that will take extra measures of grace! Loving others takes trust and faith, not in yourself, but in God. It is through loving God that our love for others has an action to it. If it is not received, it is not you who they reject, it is God they are rejecting. We are simply messengers-don't shoot!!!!!

Love God: He is Holy, just, pure, lovely, kind, good, beautiful, worthy, just to name a few things His is. He is trustworthy when no one else is. He is loving even when we seem unlovable. God is faithful and will never abandon you. You were created in His perfect design for His perfect purpose. You are custom made and there is no one else called to the calling He has specifically laid out for you. He needs and desires for you to trust Him. It begins with knowing and accepting the fact that YOU ARE LOVED! Believe it, grab hold of it and live with the knowledge that the One leading you will not lead you astray, He will lead you only on the path which leads to Him. Trust Him!

This week, won't you examine your heart and look for those holes, the scars and ask the Great Physician to mend them for you. Your band-aids won't work. Get out of your head and get into your heart. Open it up, empty it out and be filled by Love Himself. May Love be a person and an action in your life beginning today!

Happy Valentine's Week! YOU ARE LOVED!!!!! Oh how He loves you!!!

The Great Cover Up

What's behind the mask??? Happy, sadness, joy, fear, depression, addiction, lack of self-control? A good day? A bad day?
Most of us are Professional Mask displayers, pretty good at hiding whatever we may be feeling inside. I understand the concept of wearing a mask to cover up your feelings, circumstances often dictate that you have to "get it together" and get back to the job at hand, putting personal feelings/emotions aside. For example, if I am feeling angry or sad, I cannot cry once I am at work, or coming in steaming mad. And if you are a stay at home Mom, you have a little more freedom, but you still should not mope around all day, crying, or in anger, be harsh with your words, attitude or actions. You must have self-control, in essence, putting on a temporary mask...temporary and self-control being the key words here.
Some days, the lack of self-control and the mask just doesn't do it's job and it's nearly impossible to cover up those strong feelings, whether good or bad! If you are over-joyed, it's hard to shorten the long-stretching smile that is plastered across your face. If you are deeply saddened, it can be very difficult to hold back the tears, even though the red, puffy eyes are our first indicator to the rest of the world something is wrong.
Where we get into trouble, in my layman's opinion, is when we place a mask on for the purpose of hiding or hindering our feelings not only to others but to ourselves as well. Hiding as in permanently covering up, ignoring, masking the emotions and thoughts in avoidance of dealing with them, especially in the face of others.
Wearing a mask is something we all do, men and women, young and old to some point or another. It is important that we do not weld the mask on! Honestly dealing with how we feel is healthier to our body, mind and spirit than allowing stress to rage inside. Anything left boiling inside will eventually boil over and burn you, possibly those around you too.
Sure, it may be seemingly easier to wear the proverbial mask, but it is not truthful living and God's Word tells us that "the truth will set you free." Real freedom comes from being real which results from truthfulness.
If circumstances dictate you temporarily place a mask on, them do what you have to do. Just be careful that it comes off as soon as possible so that the emotions and feelings can be acknowledged and dealt with. If you need to grab a girlfriend, then get a message to her and grab a tissue and some coffee and meet up. God gives us eachother to love, encourage, mentor each other. Venting out the feelings, good or bad, helps them release their intensity (assuming your friend is a trusted friend and there to love and not feed into the situation) and often hearing you say it out loud can bring healing and even new perspective. Friends are good at that too-fresh perspective!
So, how do we avoid welding a mask on? By simply not ignoring your thoughts and feelings. Take them to the Lord and cast your cares upon Him. If you need a friend, mentor or accountability partner, then ask God for one and He will guide you to just the right person at just the right time. Then it will be up to you to open the gift He's given you for that moment.
So what do you do if you realize your mask has been welded on? Here is a starter kit...to help you begin the process of removal.

Mask Removal Starter Kit
God's Word- provides truth and healing. It is to be read, researched and applied to fresh skin and/or wounded areas.
Prayer- application used to remove glue or metal.
Friends-Help/Support. Guides you to stay on task; encourages you to remain steadfast and strong when you tire out or are discouraged; partners with you to handle larger tasks you may encounter; avaialble to assist in the disposal of the mask despite size or weight of mask; helps to apply God's Word for healing/medication.
Others- blessing and distraction. Get outside self and be blessed by blessing another. Receive comfort from comforting another. Learn and teach others how to use the Mask Removal Starter Kit.

For additional information on the Mask Removal Starter Kit, you can contact Michele B. Dickerson, CEO and Founder of M.R.M. (Mask Removal Ministries, LLC) at 1-888-NO-MASKS.

Hope Now

Hope Now
By Addison Road

If everything comes down to love
Then just what am I afraid of
When I call out Your name
Something inside awakes in my soul
How quickly I forget I'm Yours

I'm not my own
I've been carried by You
All my life

Everything rides on hope now
Everything rides on faith somehow
When the world has broken me down
Your love sets me free

When my life is like a storm
Rising waters all I want is the shore
You say I'll be ok and
Make it through the rain
You are my shelter from the storm

You've become my hearts desire
I will sing Your praises higher
Cause Your love sets me free
Your love sets me free

"If everything comes down to love...Then just what am I afraid of"...Why are we so afraid of Love? Maybe we have felt love from someone only to discover it was not genuine. Perhaps we have given the love to another only to have it stepped on. Love is, should be, vulnerable. It's a giving of something deeper than like. And of course, there are the different types of love which we have heard so many times.

There is so much written on Love and what it is, what it means, how it looks and behaves. For Believers, the most famous passage is the Love Chapter-I Corinthians 13, often read at weddings. Love is first and foremost a Person, Jesus Christ. It is also a feeling, emotion and a commitment. I may feel in love with you, I may not feel in love with you but I am committed to you completely.

So what am I so afraid of? I think it's the fear of rejection. If you have been betrayed or hurt in your past, it will not be easy to love the next time. We build a little protection around our heart so make sure that next time, the level of pain will be less. Our skin gets thicker and thicker for self-preservation's sake until we either rebel and give up on ever loving again or you become so guarded that you almost cannot feel love again. You have chosen to not be vulnerable out of the fear of rejection, pain and hurt. Almost robotic.

As I walk on my life journey with God, my desire is to know Him better so I can love Him better so that I can please and praise Him better. His goal as He walks with me is to love me just as I am, forgiving and accepting me right where I am at, pick me up when I fall, be strong when I am weak, wipe all the tears that fall, hold me when I am lonely or sad, lovingly correct, guide and protect me from the enemy and be the first one to celebrate my victories and cheer me on to the next victory. That is love.

He is my Father, my Savior, Healer, Protector and Refuge. He is my absolute Best Friend and there is no one I love more than Him. As we walk He is equipping me. How patient He must be, I tell ya! I am such a slow walker.

"When the world has broken me down, Your love sets me free-When my life is like a storm. Rising waters all I want is the shore. You say I'll be ok and Make it through the rain. You are my shelter from the storm." No one can really know who you are like God can. The best you can do to describe yourself, still cannot fully represent who you are. We may not even fully know who we are. (A whole 'nuther subject for a whole 'nuther blog! Stay tuned for Part Two of this!!) I am so thankful He is my refuge. Sometimes He is the shelter but sometimes He lets me be in the storm but He holds my hand in it! Thank You Jesus for never leaving me. Even when Icannot see Him or feel Him, He's there, I trust this, because I love Him. I have made a commitment to love Him with all my heart, body, mind and soul.

I think what makes it so hard for me to accept His love is that it's so unfair. He loves me perfectly, absolutely and unconditionally. And then He's got me to deal with. I laugh with my neighbor because he has quite the green thumb and a beautiful manicured yard and I appreciate the view. My yard on the other hand, well...no green thumb...it shows the wear and tear of neighbor kids and their yard games and it's just nothing special. So, he's got the raw end of the deal.

But then if I trust God and who He is, and He loves me for who and what I am, then He does see my true love for Him and my heart-felt devotion for Him. Even when I am fearing, doubting, whining, scared...He still knows I love Him. He extends His great grace over me. Every day the Lord is near, never leaving or forsaking me.

"You've become my hearts desire, I will sing Your praises higher Cause Your love sets me free! Your love sets me free!!!" What freedom to know I can rest in His love.

"Thank You Lord Almighty. Thanks for walking so patiently and gracefully with me, all my life. I Love You, I feel it, I commit it, I Love You. AMEN!"

Who am I? Not sure but I'm searching!

Part Two: "The best you can do to describe yourself, still cannot fully represent who you are. We may not even fully know who we are. (A whole 'nuther subject for a whole 'nuther blog! Stay tuned for Part Two of this!!)".....
He knew us before time began. He knows the count of freckles, hairs..He sees all the tears that we cry and those that never make it out! I am so glad God knows me. I don't even really know who I am. I think I know who I am but then I am so insecure about it I wonder. As I walk with God, I am constantly seeking after His will for my life. I whole-heartedly believe He does have a plan for me. I don't think it's a Grand Plan but then again, isn't everything about God grand? Would He exclude me from the Grand Plan...no! It's me that doubts me.
I was recently talking with a sweet friend about the unworthiness we feel with God. He loves us soooo much and yet we doubt Him. He has proven Himself time and time again throughout history and in our own lives and yet tomorrow, I may find myself doubting Him and that makes you feel soooo unworthy, inadequate of such great Love. And yet, He is still there full of grace, mercy, hope, peace...just waiting for me to get out of the Time Out chair I have placed myself in, come and say sorry, ask for forgiveness, reconcile, accepting His forgiveness and moving on!!!
The past few weeks, God has had me open the vault of Who Are You anyway...why do you think like you do, why do you act the way you do...and it's been very interesting.
I come from an average, middle income, Christian home and I am a perfect blend of my two parents.
Meet my Dad: only child, military Colonel, strict, controlled, genius intellect, scientist, over achiever, brilliant man..and sarcastic I might add. (When asked, Dad, could you have parked the car any further out!? He said Yes and proceeded to drive the car to the absolute furthest spot at the mall that he could. Yes, he really parked it there and we walked!)
My Mom on the other hand: creative, over the top in all that she does, people person, animal lover, compassionate, caring, always volunteering and fun. She was the stereo-typical stay at home Mom and made everything a little extra special. She goes the extra mile for others whether celebrating a birthday, graduation, new baby or helping others in need.
Being creative and finding new ways to do things is a fun challenge for us creative people. It's not about showing off or brown nosing, it's about taking the time to do something special for someones else. Life is short. We are not glitz and glamour over the top, more shabby to chic, but making the most of what you've got and making people feel special over the top. You didn't just buy any card for someone, you read it and picked just the right one for that person, you hand write a special sentiment. You didn't just bag a gift, you took the time to wrap it creatively.
My Sister and I were raised with strict disciplines..very southern-like...strong social etiquette, high standards in education, hard work, no excuse for laziness, high respect for others, keep trying till you get it right and no whining and no quitting. For our own good, they pushed us to very high standards. I always mastered the social stuff and my sister mastered the intellectual stuff!
We had a reverent fear of my Dad, he commanded it. Our groundings were for 2 weeks alone in our rooms, in the day and age of no computers and cell phones. You just did your homework, read a book or write...I used to write and draw, but I didn't have too many groundings because of the guarantee for 2 more weeks alone in my room. We were good kids with a good life...very over protective but good. I appreciate these disciplines now that I am older. I didn't struggle with the party life style like many of my friends did. I was shy too and that kept me away from much of the social scene.
I have a great respect for others, loyal, trustworthy, never stealing, cheating, manipulating. I am a hard worker, and push myself till I get it right (unfortunately I struggle with perfectionism though). I am very self controlled and struggle with being legalistic. I would not say I am controlling of others, myself, yes, but not others. I do place high expectations on myself even to this day and I used to do this with others. It's so much a part of how I am wired. I am working on Excellence, not Perfection now! I put others needs before mine (compassion but borderline unhealthy in boundaries-been working on this with God's help!). My focus is to always do the right thing, make the right choice (perfect) every time and go the extra mile when ever possible. "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you" was often quoted in our house growing up.
My gift is Encouragement and am so blessed when God gives me the opportunity to bless another by helping, lending a hand, just making someone smile, sharing a hug on a rotten day, celebrating the big AND small milestones, knowing it's God through me, not me. I love the challenge of figuring out better or new or fresh ways to do something. Life is full of heart ache and pain and there are plenty of people taking care of that part of life and I want to be one of the people that are able to bring love, joy and happiness in the life of another. God is Love!!! He wants us to love one another. Okay, so maybe we go over the top, but don't you think you are worth it? Why not? Our culture has gotten away from the "go an extra mile for another." We are very selfishly driven these days. I used to love the days of Secret Pen Pals and Secret Sisters at church where you would draw a name and surprise your person each week with a small creative trinket or card. I enjoyed that-right up my alley!
Why wait until Valentines or a birthday to tell someone you love them. What's wrong with today? What happened to saying Please and Thank You for even the smallest of gestures? What's wrong with hand writing a letter? What's wrong with a Just Because whatever, gift, card, etc? With my Dad's push for doing things right and my Mom's creativity, I am a great creative brainstormer. I can usually think of 30 ways to accomplish something. This isn't good for a perfectionist though because there isn't a right or wrong choice!!!! AHHHH! LOL
We are all different in how we love others. I have one girlfriend who loves to bake and she is so good about bringing meals just because or maybe she heard I had a tough day. Or maybe she just decided to make cookies and wanted to share them. Her baked gifts have been abundant blessings. I have another friend who has the gift of wisdom and encouragement and I can't think of one conversation we have had that she hasn't blessed me with wisdom and encouragement! We all are to use whatever gifts He gives and bless others by ministering to others with them...and not just on bad days when it's expected. But just because God is good and He is loving, all the time. His love endures forever!!! They shall know you love God by loving one another. The fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control.
Here's what's funny...I am really good at encouraging others and sharing it....but not receiving it. Strange, you'd assume I would beg for it back. I expect nothing back. (So many reasons play into that with low-self esteem issues.) I love to love just to love! I don't feel more valued or more important that I can make someone feel special for a day...I just feel blessed that I got to be part of it.
I attempt to represent God in my mind and heart in everything I do, I am trying to do it in His love. No selfish ambition, I am not worthy or deserving. I need to be better about actually getting some self ambition perhaps! heehee
You know, I am one piece of work! Thanks for letting me talk through this Self Discovery with you. You are either bored silly or you think I am completely silly!!! I am nothing on my own. My strong Italian will, military like social expectations, strive for perfection and very creative and compassionate self can be used by God. I am not sure exactly how cuz I certainly feel like a bit of a mess, but I trust Him. He's got a plan for even me.
I hope this is not your first time visiting this blog...I am so sorry if it is. This was much more personal than usual and although it was about me, I pray God will speak to you through it. Maybe you can relate to the feeling of being unworthy and inadequate with God or people, or both. We all come from different backgrounds and we have all walked different paths, but we are all headed to the same destination. It's not where you have been but where you are going. I look forward to traveling with you there! God Bless You in Him, In Love!!!

"God, I am who I am today because of everything You have allowed me to experience, good and bad in my life. Choices I made and those made for me, You allowed it. If it weren't for all the pain, I wouldn't have sought after you so desperately. If it weren't for the strict disciplines set early on, I wouldn't stay diligent in my search for You. Keep molding me God. Refine me. Thank You for the creativeness you have given me. My creative eyes and heart see You every where I look-You are so beautiful and creative. You take my breathe away often Lord. Daily You show me in new and fresh ways Your love for me. Thank You for the people You have placed in my life to love on and encourage. Use me to encourage them and see Your beautiful love for them, for each of us. May they feel Your encouragement and know how much You love them and care for them for they are special to You even if they don't feel it and believe it for themselves. Thank You for placing others in my life who love me for me. Knowing my crazy genetic make-up, personality quirks and weaknesses, they still stand by me. Help me to accept their encouragement. Most importantly, help me receive Your love completely. Eventhough I see myself as hugely Under Contruction, You God, see me as complete. Oh, Your Grace is abundant and Your Love overflowing and I am so unworthy of it. I need you Father. Open my eyes, open my ears, open my heart....amen."