Giving Thanks

Today was my weekly Ladies Bible Study and it was great! During our small group luncheon our leader asked us to share a defining moment with God. First of all, how do you narrow it down to one thing??? Next, how much should I share? I tried to prep something but I just couldn't get my thoughts together for there have been many big moments with God. In small daily things, God shows up big (to me anyway-anytime God chooses to show up-it's big!), so it was hard for me to think of "a moment."
As I mentioned in my Welcome, God brought great physical weakness to teach me about my spiritual weakness. I had gotten too busy, justifying my lack of quiet time with Him, and personal time for myself, with the excuse of busyness. He chose to use panic attacks to get my attention. I would have preferred an email! I needed a God-sized Time Out.
Throughout this blog, I hope to have the freedom to share with you some of the experiences the Lord walked me through during this painful, scary and life-changing season. Lessons were many. Tears were abundant. Anger and fear came like storms. God carved a new God sized hole in my heart, mind and soul that could only be filled by Him. I don't know if you suffer from panic attacks or anxiety attacks but they are scary. That just happened to be the route God chose for me in my life to get my attention back on Him. Yours may be different. We are all the same in that we all suffer, we all cry, we all have those secret tears no one sees.
Since the first initial attack that started in December 2008, my life, who I am, what I think, what I feel, what I choose to act upon is different. God met me in the pits, in the deepest darkness and slowly, one day at a time, took me up the path to revival and revelation. There has not been a defined moment. Each day has been full of moments. God literally held every breathe for me. He didn't walk with me every day, most days He carried me.
Through my research about panic attacks, I learned a lot about the effects stress has in our lives. I am sure each one of you could blog at least one stressful thing that happened to you today. God crossed my path with an amazing woman, who's gift is encouraging, mentoring, teaching and speaking truth and hope to the broken-hearted. She walked me through weeks of looking at my life, analyzing what in my life could I correct to minimize stress, change bad habits, "stinkin' thinkin.'" She helped me learn how to take off the "I got it all together" mask and be real, be me. In this season, I didn't like me, I wasn't me and yet God brought me here, so it took some hard truths to realize this is who I am...accepting this for my life was at the time unacceptable!
Months later, I look back over the "Horrible season" God had given me and consider it the most "Amazing season" I have had in a very long time.
God sometimes takes us through these dark moments so His Light will shine ever so bright that it penetrates every fiber of your being. In the Light, impurities and sins are seen. It is in these vulnerable, naked moments God covers us. We are covered in the blood of Jesus Christ alone. He is our Redeemer and Healer.
Whatever season you may be in today, accept it. That doesn't mean you have to like it, just accept it. In your weakness, He is strong. By resisting, you deny God's provisions and delay the process. Trust...trust God and trust yourself. You can do this!
I look forward to hearing from you. It would be an honor and privilege to hear your story of a specific moment God made you say Wow! I have not sent this out to the masses yet. I am still praying over the blog, for God to direct where and when. It is a privilege to share this all with you and at the same time it is extremely hard.

"Lord, thank you for Your omnipresence and Your unconditional love. Thank You for being trustworthy. I believe You will never forsake me.
I see You everywhere I look, in all things. You are a detail-oriented God. Thank You for showing me Your beauty in Your Creation: the wildlife, the landscapes, the shorelines and the mountaintops. Lord, in the people You bring into my life, thank You, bless them more than they can imagine. I am blessed to have Sisters who give me the opportunity to be me in the midst of a culture that says "Be who I want you to be." Thank You for the gift of friendship, those that come and stay just a while, those from years past and those that have etched a special place forever and ever. In the children You have entrusted to me, I thank You for showing me what dependence is like, and child-like faith.
Thank You for reminding me today how much You love me. Father, forgive me where I grieve You and help me to sin no more. See my worship God. Seek out the inside where no one else can see. My heart leaps for You and I desire to love You freely, without right or wrongs, without concern of judgment. My hands are lifted high, worshiping You alone and my heart dances in Your grace and compassion. May my spirit keep in sync with Yours. God grant me patience to live for today and wait on Your perfect Will, endurance to never give up and continued peace and joy in all circumstances. Father God, bind Satan from stealing all that You give.
I lift up my Sisters in Christ today, You know their individual needs, their hurts, their pains. Bless their hearts and may Your will be done in each of their lives. Would You give them favor today, bring joy to those who need it, peace to those who are unsettled and hope for the hopeless. Lord, would You cause a smile in their spirit today.
I love You Father, Lord, Daddy God, Holy One, My Guide and My Redeemer...AMEN."