3 on 3...Embracing Not Judging

Why is it that some of us thrive on the edge of a cliff while the rest of us just want to die at the mere thought of a cliff....AND BEING ON THE EDGE OF IT!?!?! OH MY!!!!! My family of 6 exemplifies these two types of people. 3 of us are more of the conservative, worrisome, cautious, like-the-level-ground types while the other 3 of us thrive on cliffhangers, steep slopes, death-defying moments!

For us level-headed, I would argue, NORMAL persons, it seems absolutely CrAzY to jump off edges, go as fast as possible, jump out of planes, push through massive crowds to get closer to the action, "hug" a shark, sample sauces named "100% Pain" and on and on I could go.

For the "gotta go for it" group, they think we are wimps! Who wouldn't want that adrenaline rush and thrill of tasting life to the fullest, even to death in the very unlikely chance, at least going out having a blast?!?! When you only live once, why not experience it to the fullest?!?! (Ummm, ME!!!!)

"Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven;" Luke 6:37

Knowing we are created together to be a community, knowing nothing is an accident, knowing God works and holds all things together, should we not embrace our differences rather than judge them? God's creation is so diverse and you and I are part of His creation! All are created for a divine purpose and therefore must be created differently to achieve it.

Having said that, we must call sin sin and we must be who God created us to be! What is wrong is what GOD says is wrong. What is right is what GOD says is right. You are fearfully and wonderfully made cuz GOD says you are! Embracing God is the only way we can embrace not only each other, but  the person you are in Him.

I am soooo grateful God blended our family so differently. We certainly are a balance for one another. Any one of us alone would be missing out for sure! For those CrAzY ones, they push the rest of us to try new things, they challenge our fears and stretch us out of our comfy, safe bubble which we pray never pops!!! I'd like to think that us "normal" ones have saved the lives of those "crazy" ones, reigning them back from seemingly foolish decisions, learning patience and respect along the way.

For me, I am unbelievably happy and joyful and content keeping my feet on steady ground. Anything that requires me being harnessed in is probably not for me!! And I am super duper okay with that. God tells us to rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep and I do. My opposite husband  does not believe me that I get such great joy standing there (camera ready of course!!!!) at the end of their ride and awaiting their responses with great anticipation! I so love seeing their faces and hearing them talk 100 mph as they try to sort out their words to describe both the emotional and physical impact of what the past 30 seconds of thrill did to them. I LOVE being on the receiving end of that!!! What JOY!

"O LORD, You have searched me and known me! You know when I sit down and when I rise up; You discern my thoughts from afar. You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways. Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O LORD, You know it altogether. You hem me in, behind and before, and lay Your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high; I cannot attain it. Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or whereshall I flee from Your presence? If I ascend to heaven, You are there! If I make my bed in Sheol, You are there! If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there Your hand shall lead me, and Your right hand shall hold me. If I say, "Surely the darkness shall cover me, and the light about me be night," even the darkness is not dark to You; the night is bright as the day, for darkness is as light with you. For you formed my inward parts; You knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are Your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from You, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in Your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them. How precious to me are Your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! If I would count them, they are more than the sand. I awake, and I am still with You." Psalm 139:1-18

Embrace! Give! Love! Respect! Grace! Recieve! GO!!

Inside-Out Worship

Questions:

If you attend a "Worship" service, does that make you a "Worshiper" by the fact you showed up?

What if you sing the words of a "worship" song? Are you "worshiping?

This hit me fresh just a few months ago. I am a woman who truly has a heart for worshiping our Lord and especially through song/music. I believe God did not give me the voice of an angel like many of my friends have cuz I would probably never be quiet! At least I know I can't sing worthy for the masses and that fact minimizes my vocal expressions of worship publicly! Yes, I absolutely sing at the top of my lungs....but alone....me and the Lord...no witnesses (aka: victims)!!! I am one of the Lord's "make a joyful noise" girls!

Unfortunately, I thought I wasn't going to be able to "worship" for a period of time. As many of you know, I swallowed a small fish bone and it scraped down my throat causing it to swell, which was made worse when I tried to talk, much less sing. Sounds silly, but it was heartbreaking for me to not be able to sing. If I talked for about 30 min just in normal conversations with the kids or in class, my throat swelled up worse and it put pressure on my tongue and voice box making my throat basically shut down. After a 30 min to an hour rest from talking, I could start the "talk timer" over. The kids and I brushed up on our sign language, and we really made sure that what ever was wanting to be said, needed to be said. You don't realize how much you can not say until you can't say it.

Talking was difficult...singing was impossible. (Deep sigh.) You just have to know me to know how serious I am when I say it was devastating for me. I sing all the time!! We are a dancing and singing family!!

I sat there in the pew that first Sunday so sad that I couldn't "worship" cuz my voice just wouldn't let me. I stood there silent...sad...grieving in what I felt was my inability to worship my Lord and Savior, my Abba Daddy, my Greatest Love of all. There was such a battle in my soul between flesh and spirit. My spirit was saying Worship while my flesh had resolved that I couldn't worship. After the first song, during the announcements, I battled a final war. It was then that the question came...so what is worship? You can't sing. How are you gonna worship now? I imagine if you took a poll asking people "how do you worship?", most people would say the name of their favorite song.

But I could not sing. But I could still worship! I know our life is an act of worship to the Lord but it would be the singing part, right? I re-discovered the answer is No!

Worship is not:
A song or a word spoken or repeated.
It's not showing up for an hour each week.
It's not playing Christian songs with your favorite instrument.

These things are the outward display of a heart of worship. I was so wrapped up in the fact that I couldn't sing, I didn't consider what was my true act of worship.

Worship begins in the heart! Worship is within us...not something from the outside in, but inside-out. For weeks, I stood up in a "worship" service, lips sealed, in worship. And yes,  I was belting it out at the top of my heart-lungs, praises and adoration to our King!! Satan doesn't want us to worship and yet, in the heart of a Believer, you can't help but want to sing out loud but how important that we realize it's not about what you do....it's what is in the heart, soul, spirit stirring inside you and is expressed outwardly in one way or another.

Another question: Is it wrong to lift your hands in response to the praise within you? No. There are plenty of scriptures that say "lift your hands" but it is wrong to lift them so it looks like you are worshiping. Is it wrong to keep your hands down to your sides when you worship? No, unless you feel your spirit wanting to lift them and you resist it. Singing, leading, playing an instrument of praise, making good choices throughout our day does not mean we are in worship. Speaking to the Lord Himself from within your heart and soul...that is worship! Then, we can speak it, sing it, play it, act out because of it. It then becomes a community of worship, a worship service.

Nothing can stop your worship!!! Satan would like to, but he can't unless you let him. No voice? No problem!! Can't make it worship service one week? No problem, worship right where you are, just how you are, music or no music.

Week by week, my throat has healed up and last Sunday was my first time to sing out in worship through all the songs. It felt so good to express outwardly what was happening on the inside (even though He already sees and hears what's going on in there), I know there had to be a smile on my face cuz my heart was surely smiling!! Like a kid who squeals at the sight of cake, so I felt that Sunday! Joyful and Abundant in praise!!

It was a great lesson re-learned. Our worship comes from our heart, not our lips, not our hands, not our feet. Eventhough I have most of my strength back in my voice, I find a sweetness in just closing my eyes and my lips and belting out my worship from the inside-out!! Not for too long though, before I can't stand it and noise bursts through!!

"Take care lest your heart be deceived, and you turn aside and serve other gods and worship them;"

Deuteronomy 11: 16

"And he said to him, "All these I will give you, if you will fall down and worship me." Then Jesus said to him, "Be gone, Satan! For it is written,"'You shall worship the Lord your God and Him only shall you serve.'"

Matthew 4:9-10

"But the hour is coming, and is now here, when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for the Father is seeking such people to worship Him. God is spirit,
and those who worship Him must worship in spirit and truth."

John 4: 23-24

Father God, Holy One, may my life lived out on the outside be a reflection of my heart for You on the inside. May I be more consumed with the condition of my heart than the words on the screen during times of corporate worship. May the song sung on the inside bless Your heart more than the joyful noise that flows out. May the choices I make throughout each day, bring You honor and praise as an act of worship to You. You are worthy of all my praise and to You alone I worship. God, I know You already see my heart for You, but Lord, I want it to worship and honor You in everything I do. Guard my heart and set my eyes on You fully. Rescue our hearts, cover them, fill them, protect them in Your Holy Name, amen!

"I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect."

 Romans 12: 1-2

Oh WORSHIP our Lord and King, in spirit and truth!!!!!

Thought I'd Say Hi!

Okay, so this is going to be as weird to write as it is weird to think about...every week it seems I hear of a new person stopping by the blog lately! I don't share that in a bragging way AT ALL, but one of child-like joy that God IS using me. Something I never thought possible and yet always "wished" would be so. If He never wastes a hurt, I'm sure to be busy for a while!!

So, I thought I should say Hello to you!!! I don't know all of "you" but I am thankful to have the opportunity to share a little bit of Who Christ is in my life, how He speaks to me, how He teaches me, how He makes me laugh, how He cares for me and loves me in a way unlike anyone ever has before or ever will, for that matter!!! He can do the SAME for you. I pray that as I ramble about my daily life and how God reveals Himself to me in creative ways that you will be encouraged in your heart and spirit. It's always my prayer that God would re-write the words and make them work for His good.

Some of you know me personally while others of you are new to me and some of you have no clue who I am. I'd like to re-introduce myself briefly to you.

This year I turned the Big 40 and it has had it's share of aches and pains (some literally) but also greatest blessings!! I have been married going on 20 years, have 4 children ages 15, 12, 7, and 5. I am a stay at home Mom and my greatest Love of all is the Beautiful, Loving, Rock, my Lord Jesus. I was blessed to be raised in church by parents who loved me and protected me. I attend a church who's heart is very mission minded and meaty!

My relationship with the Lord had been what I would call "normal" for the first 23 years. It involved going to church every Sunday and Wednesday and volunteering with the children and youth whenever there was a need. I attended nearly every women's bible study over the years, learning and praying for all these things to be true for me in my life, but never really having the wisdom or mentorship to be taught or shown how to apply this knowledge, moving it from the head to my heart in action. 

My personality is one of general shyness (yes, I know some of you have said NO WAY, but yes, I am just simply comfortable with you and that's probably why you don't think that!), great patience, compassion, hopeful/peacemaking, and thanks to my Mom- many creative tendencies! I do constantly call out on God's Grace to cover over me in the areas of doubt, anxiety, inadequacy, unworthiness, perfectionism, lack of trust, fear, bitterness and I could go on...but just know, this Hopeful-God-Loving-Dreamer is not perfect or close to it. Often I look up at God and wonder How me? Why me? Really, me?

When I walked through my Season of Hell in 2008-2009, it was then that my walk relationship REALLY became "normal." It's NOT normal to simply go to church, serve where needed and even tithe, never being in awe, never hearing His voice, never feeling His discipline/correction or the opposite, His smile/breath/teaching. It is normal within any relationship to gain knowledge about the other person, learning and knowing all you can, but it is also a normal part of the relationship to love them and be loved in return, to share intimacy with one another, according to the type of relationship. (Not being a professional writer or psychologist-I will do my best to explain..)

With our children, we provide for them and love them, but how much richer when we interact with them one on one and truly know their heart, their little smirks and what it means. One look and ya know what's going on it that brain of theirs. Same with our spouse or friend. The more time we spend with them, the more we get to know them. When we know them more intimately, we can understand their hearts without them even needing to explain. We feel it. We know it. We desire to really know them and not just know them. It's normal to know them and hence walk in step with them out of love.

So it is with the Lord. The more you get to know Him, the more you see His heart. You hear Him. You see Him. You feel Him. You love Him. You trust Him. You count on Him. That is normal! I didn't ever know that until what was normal began to be not-normal and what seemed abnormal became normal  and was consistently proving to BE normal. (Say that fast 5 times!!)

It's just not "normal" to have peace in the midst of crisis.
It's just not "normal" to have someone love you unconditionally, just as you are.
It's just not "normal" to hear a theme repeated clearly through song, sermons, emails, conversations with others.
It's just not "normal" to trust fully and love fully and act upon it without fear or doubt. We are humans who naturally act by flesh, not spirit. Oh spirit, lead us please!!!! And yet it is! What is "normal" is whatever we accept as average at the time. Just because something has become normal for us does not mean it is good. For example, it may have become normal for you to stop tithing so you can save money for vacation, or maybe it's become normal around the house to respond to each other in anger or sarcasim. They may be normal occurances but are they good? Our definition of normal needs to be constantly examined. Where does it say we are suppossed to be normal anyway?!?

I knew God (spending time in fellowship) wasn't a priority in my life. Oh yes, I loved Him and knew Him and that's exactly why I thought He would appreciate how I honored Him in all my doings in all my different life-roles. He was important, just not intimate in my life. All my doings and intentions were not, are not, what He desires. He wants us. He wants our hearts. Yes, we should serve Him and focus on Him and serve in His name, but if we do all that because we know we should....we will miss what's "normal." It will become normal to do those things out of the overflow of love that we receive from Him and thus our acts of worship flow out of this great love.

We don't get love by doing. We get love by receiving.

My most precious and real relationships with others are with those whom have given and I have received their love into my heart. Protective walls, grouted by the tears we have shed don't come down easy. But for those who God has placed in my life, and yours, they have been gifted to us for a reason only God knows. We can only do what's He's placed before us and trust the One who is trustworthy. Sometimes He tears down the walls. Other times He sends us those who will help us tear them down brick by brick with grace and gentle kindness. That used to be abnormal to me, and now that is normal!!

I love my new "normal" but I admit there are times I feel so unworthy and so undeserving and wonder if this is all true....His promises for me/us...are they really true?! How can such a powerful and mighty God still love me when I have doubted Him and even disobeyed Him?! And yet He does, time after time...it's normal for Him to. I cannot tell you the amount of times I just want to say I can't and walk away...but His Love binds, never leaving or forsaking what is His. Oh how He loves us so. Jesus loves us, this we know.

So, I pray that as you journey with the Lord, as you stop by the blog for whatever reason you stop by, to learn about me, to hopefully be encouraged that you are not alone or to be reminded that you are cared for by a Unmovable Rock and Loving Father. As you take any thing from here, may GOD define for you what (good or bad) "normal" and "abnormal" within your relationship with Him, that you will understand and be encouraged that no two people are alike, therefore no two relationships are alike. God reveals Himself to each of us in millions of different ways every day in every season. We cannot compare ourselves to each other nor should we put God in a box with human limits or assumptions, but we can know that He loves each of us imperfect sinners the same, He has forgiven all my sins and yours, He cares for you just as much as He cares for me, He desires for you to seek after Him to hear Him and see Him. This God Almighty we serve wants your heart and He wants mine, and all our doings that follow are our acts of love back to Him.

My we each strive to change our worldly definition and limitations of normal to abnormal for we are a peculiar people!!! Thank you for stopping by to meet me. As you can see, I am not normal!! I am peculiar even to myself. I don't get me but am thankful God does and that somehow He uses me. Don't ya know He uses you to encourage me?!? Yes He has!! Thank you! Blessings!!!!

This is my current life-verse and my prayer:

    "And now, Israel, what does the LORD your God require of you, but to fear the LORD your God, to walk in all his ways, to love him, to serve the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul," Deuteronomy 10:12

Lord Jesus, Gracious and Amazing Lord, it is our desire to do as You have required, to fear you Lord our God, to walk in all Your ways and not our own, to love You and serve only You Lord God, with all our heart and with with all our soul. We want nothing more than all of You. No one and nothing compares to You. We are nothing outside of Your grace and mercy. God, accept our acts of worship with patience as we learn what it looks like to honor You and fellowship with You. We want to be Your hands and feet here on Earth but greater than that Lord, we want to be Your heartbeat. Help us give life into those who are lifeless. Help us to be abnormally normal in Your sight God. May our focus be on You always, never comparing or judging, but encouraging and enjoying the blessings around us. Thank You Lord God for those who You place in our life to mentor us through teaching and living out their life from their heart that beats so clearly for You. Bless them for trusting You enough to share their tender but strong and faithful hearts with those of us who are eager to learn more about You and how to hear Your very heartbeat and breath as we fall into Your outstretched arms by faith. Jesus, Lord and Holy Spirit, fall fresh on us, move us out of Your way. You alone are worthy of our never-ending praise. Bless Your Name. amen.

  So nice to meet you! If I haven't scared you away, I'll see ya again soon! HUGS and Blessings in the Sweet Name of Jesus!

A Necessary Mess

It’s Summertime and that means Project Time mixed in with a little play time, of course! This week, I decided to tackle my yard. If you know me, you know I don’t have a green thumb and yet I appreciate and yearn for a yard worthy to be on the pages of Southern Living Magazine. I absolutely LOVE flowers and budding bushes covered by a canopy of shade trees. I simply don’t have the money or the time in this season of my life to put forth the amount of time and energy it would take to create and maintain a yard like that. Today, I figured I could at least get the clippers out and trim up all the bushes, pull out hopefully half of the 100,000 weeds and prune the trees. It felt so good to make the decision to get the job done!

I enlisted the help of the boys and assigned my 12 year old son to do the final clean up. We would do all the pruning and he just had to rake it up and sweep up the sidewalks after we were all done. Never liking to do work, he complained as I expected. Well, that was his job and the fact that he whined so much made it even surer that he was not getting out of it!

It was a mess!!! Clippings flew everywhere across the yard. Sure, the weeds made neat little piles but all that was cut away, scattered! When all was said and done, nearly 4 hours later, the yard looked soooo much better. It looked cared for cuz it had been. It was no longer a jungle of dead or uneven branches. Maintaining it from this point on will be easier since the hardest part had been taken care of….until next Spring I am sure, when once again, the harshness and unpredictability of the Winter brings uneven growth once again and the need for a pruning has come once again.

I called my son out to begin his clean up job and if you could have just seen his face…oh my. You’d have thought there was confetti tossed in the wind and I had asked him to pick up every little piece! Nothing like a little overreacting! “Moooooom, there’s too much to clean up!” I replied, “Well, when there is much to prune, there will be much to clean up.”

God tugged at my spirit in the moment….a lesson being taught for me to reflect on His Holy pruning seasons with me. The longer we go without “pruning” the greater amount of work there will be to get done. And the more “pruning” that needs to get done, sometimes the messier things appear eventhough the end result is only achieved through this process. The mess made will be cleaned up in due time. There will be more to clean up after a seasonal pruning than that which is simply maintenance; therefore, the clean up time varies depending on what had needed to be done.

When God begins a pruning process on us, yes, it can look and feel like a disaster has struck our lives, we feel scattered and out of place. But we know that He will never give us more than we can bear and we know that all things work together  for our good and His glory. The old and dead must be cut away for new growth to have a place to bloom. Dead branches cannot produce fruit. It is dead. When it comes to cleaning up after a pruning, the amount of time and energy and prayer you put into it will determine how long it takes to clean it up. Depending on the pruning, there may not be much but I can tell ya that I have had prunnings that have taken a looooong while. I can’t help but think of a child getting a haircut. Even though the Barber is the One cutting, if the child wiggles around, it will take longer to finish the haircut. We can be that wiggley child and cause things to take longer than necessary or we can sit still and allow the process to finish.

First we must recognize the pruning, often we discount it saying “it’s just been bad luck for me lately.” One of the benefits of our constant fellowship with our Father, we know when He is in the Garden with us and when He has a project to be done! If we recognize the pruning, the quicker we can sit still for the pruning and start the clean up process until it is done. If we stand by ignorantly or in denial, we are more likely to feel overwhelmed and hinder the process as we stand there with hands on hips. How much quicker if we grab a broom and dustpan and say, “Okay God, I am ready.”

Then, as we wait for the pruning to be done, with patience in His grace, we clean up what we can, as we find clippings. I admit there are times where I get mad and refuse to sit still or clean up. We all know that anything ignored never gets better with time, but worse. We must be have patience through the process. Depending on how much is cut away and our willingness to clean it up, will determine the length of time it takes to move on!

Like my son, once he accepted the fact that this was his job, and once he put his energy towards cleaning and not complaining, he got closer and closer to a job well done. He set his mind on the task at hand and got it done. It could have been completed quicker, but he chose to stall at certain times. Had he set his mind on the task at hand from the beginning, he would have been able to go play with his friends sooner.

Is God trying to get you to sit still for a little pruning work in your life? Most people don’t talk about the tough seasons in a Believer’s life, especially ones of correction or pruning but I think it’s necessary!! We should not hide in shame or guilt in the refining processes. It is in the process where our character and spiritual muscles grow. Our flesh says it’s not until we have cleaned up that we are accepted and normal and strong again but I am here to tell you that it is in these moments where you find out who your friends are and who God is to you and what you are made of. Even though we may feel scattered, and our flesh weak, our spirit is growing stronger if we let it. How strong we are to accept the pruning, get accountability, be willing to share what God is doing, share our fears and feelings so that God may receive all the glory when the fruit comes. We are nothing good in and of ourselves. It is God who is amazing and holy and perfect!!!

"Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through Him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. 

More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us."

Romans 5: 1-5

"Watch and pray that you may not enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak."

Matthew 26:41

Father God, thank You for knowing what we need. Eventhough it can be uncomfortable and sometimes overwhelming at all that seems scattered and misplaced, I thank You for Your grace that holds everything together in perfect harmony. Help me to recognize and receive Your correction quickly and Your pruning with patience so that the mess can be cleaned up and I can move on in a season of bearing more fruit!

Help us to be patient with hope in the process as You prune what You see needs to be pruned.  Holy Spirit, lead us on the path of less resistance, that we may stand strong, walking with steadfastness and assurance that we are headed to a more beautiful place that gives our Lord God all the glory. May we stand ready with broom and dustpan to clean up and a basket to gather all the gracious fruit to come! In Your Holy Name, amen.

My Husband the Fork. Me, the Sticks.

Our family just returned from a delightful vacation to our favorite Beach destination, Cozumel. It was wonderful!! Lots of time to relax and be under no demands, yet we did manage to always be doing something. Weird how that works.
One evening we went for Chinese. As usual, I grabbed the chopsticks (I love a good challenge) and my man grabbed the fork (he loves efficiency). Of course, the kids asked why did we use "that and not the same thing."

1.) We are different. 2.) There is more than one way to get the job done.

My Husband is a lot like the fork. He shines in the spotlight. He is strong in will and strength. He likes to be efficient and get the job done quickly (work or play). He is very practical and great for all ages. He can also provide help for any "cuisine."

Me? I am the chopsticks. I'm never in a hurry and I enjoy taking my time but will get the job done with effeciency and appreciate a good, fun challenge. I tend to be strong in will and strength too but have a softer composure.

Is either one better than the other? No. They each have a purpose, and each are made with their own breaking points. Therefore, how can we judge that one is the "right way" vs. the other? The kids were quick to grab the sticks to give it a try, finding joy in doing something different. They were quick to judge the fork-people why they weren't using the sticks. I found myself explaining how God makes each of us with one goal...to know Him and glorify Him and that there is more than one way to do that. We are all equipped to get "the job" done but the way in which we do it, vary.

Praise God that we are not intended to be the same. Praise God that there is only ONE WAY that leads to Salvation but many ways in which we live in honor and thanksgiving, giving thanks to God the Father in Christ Jesus. To each a purpose. To each a mission. There is NO condemnation. There is no judgement. There is no right or wrong.

One God. One Faith. One Body with many parts!! 

"There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." Romans 8:1

"For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned. For as in one body we have many members, and the members do not all have the same function, so we, though many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another." Romans 12:3-5

"Let love be genuine.

Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. 

Love one another with brotherly affection.

Outdo one another in showing honor. 

Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit,serve the Lord. Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.   Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality.   Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them.   Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.  

Live in harmony with one another.

Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly.

Never be wise in your own sight.  

Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all.  

If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all." Romans 12:9-18

Father God, One Lord and Savior of All, I praise You for the diversity of Your Creation. Thank You that I am not made to be like anyone else. Thank You that I can find my identity in You alone. Father, open my eyes to see in me that which is good, practical, special and available to be used by You. I know You have equipped each one of us to fulfill a mission unique to us and that in that uniquness there can be no judegement or condemnation. May You receive all the glory and praise as we walk in Your Name. Help us to have faith enough to walk where, how and when. Shape us and mold us in Your Amazing and Beautiful and Strong Hands. Bless Your Name above All others!!! Amen. 

Silly Me! Yes, I am a dork.

The Rock.

The Heart of God.

My Rock. My Foundation. My Heart. My God.

It amazes me even as I type this that it has been over 4 years in which God rescued my heart, mind and soul from complete destruction. There was a time when the lies of the enemy were so loud and so real. I could hear them. I could feel them deep. You can read through many of the passages throughout God's Word and hear the pleas, groanings, anguish and heartache of God's people. Sin is Sin but pain is not just pain. Just as the medical professions ask you to label your pain on a scale of 1-10, we could easily use the same scale for the pain of our hearts and souls. Some days, weeks or even seasons are identified by a marked "2" on the pain scale, whereas others are an intolerable "11." Yah, I hear you...we have all been there.

"For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself.   Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead.   He delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will deliver us again. You also must help us by prayer, so that many will give thanks on our behalf for the blessing granted us through the prayers of many."

II Corinthians 1:8b-11 

God brought into my life a woman who would not only Counsel me out of my pit, but became also a dear Mentor and Sister in Christ, walking with me, teaching me, encouraging me and even daring me to stay out of and away from the pit and remain clinging for dear life on my Lord. Healing was certainly a process and looking back, it came quickly, while I can tell you right then, in the middle of it, it was laborous.

Our family had planned a roadtrip to New Mexico, a favorite family destination but I was not so sure about the trip. Anxiety still had a hold of my hem. In this process of fear to faith, the faith suffocated fear, day by day. Here were were headed on a trip that I wasn't sure I could make. Knowing my anxiety, she gave me a card and prayed for me the day before we left. The card would become very profound in my life. A life treasure not realized yet.

Our family loaded up and hit the road. Nearly the entire way, I seemed to work hard at maintaining my peace and calmness. I could have counted every breath, through every passing mile. My fear revealed itself to me in many ways, claustrophobia and agoraphobia being two constant and strong ones. I was determined however, not to give in to their sting of death in my body. Truth was, these fears were real to me. Truth was also, I was clinging desperately to my Heavenly Father, my Authority and Strong Tower.

If fear were the ice cubes in my tea, then Grace was my sweet tea to drink, and the Holy Spirit my lemon! The ice is there controlling the temperature but content of the drink is our flavor and nutrition or satisfaction and the lemon is our kick, the extra special sweetness and surprise. Fear may be there for a while, but it will not remain forever. It melts, consumed by the drink!! Praise God for Sweet Lemon Tea!! lol

I was in constant thanksgiving to the Lord for His provision and Peace, His grace that proveded a "sweet" ride across the many, many, many miles! Of course, once we settled in to the house, we were off again...to face the 2 mile high ski lift, some would say a death-defying 15 minute ride to the top of the Angelfire mountain to play a round of Frisbe Golf. Okay, I had ridden this chair lift years previous and didn't care for it then. Now, laced with "real" fear and anxiety, I was especially nervous...actually, no...fear-full!! Let me see if I can find a picture and if you can understand the heighth of this thing...

Going in Grace, I hopped on. We made it (alive!!!!!) to the top and my adrenaline exploded throughout my body. I don't know if it was the deep sigh of relief or the fact I probably held my breath the past 15 minutes or the sheer joy that I was alive and facing my fears!! It seems that the physical body doesn't always follow the thinking of the mind for my mind was not fearing, but rejoicing. A shot of cortisol is a shot of cortisol, the reasoning irrelevant.

As common with panic or anxiety attacks, I became very out of breath and a little disoriented, although that could have been the altitude too. Who can stand miles high looking over a cliff and not feel a little unsure of your steps?!?  The rest of the family was pushing forward, so I took a step back and sat that game out. Left to my own thinking, I got up and took a walk to walk off some of the adrenaline, slowing down the breathing and do a little prayer walking. Tears filled my heart with joy for fears melted and Grace given...and yet frustration that I was dealing with this in my life. Will I always be so "messed up" Lord? Do my kids see me as ridiculous and weak? Is my husband disappointed and embarrassed by me? Can I ever be normal again?

God, please tell me You are still in control, that You have a better plan for me.

Then, there it was. Among the white/tan mountain landscape, just inches before me, appeared a grey rock. A heart shaped rock. Right infront of me. (I've always been drawn to polka dots and hearts, rather than splashy patterns, butterflies or birds. Just a side note-lol!) This time, it was different. That heart was a real treasure!! My spirit jumped immediately to the card I had just recieved. The Rock. I could hear Him saying these words to me, "God's never taken His eye off of you. Not for a millisecond. He's always near. He lives to hear your heartbeat. He loves to hear your prayers." I picked up that precious heart-shaped rock and held it tight in my hand, squeezing it with all I had. I was holding on to My Rock. The Rock that has me steady and strong. Always had. Always will.

This "heart" of God has become a symbol of His promises to me, of His faithfulness and grace and ever-watching eye over me. Regardless of where I am, I cannot escape Him. Whatever I am feeling, I can count on His sufficient grace. The lies that come against me are quickly met with the Truth of Who He is. "There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love." I John 4:18

The heart has become that of a treasure to me. On my journey with the Lord, I often "find" hearts along the way that I know without doubt are meant specifically for me in that moment. They are a remembrance, assurance that He is near and His eye is on me then, and always. I remember going on a bike ride by myself, having a bit of a hard day and there was my heart...in the middle of the sidewalk, bright and yellow. No other leaves around. I was encouraged and refreshed. Many trials, bad days, fearful moments, anxious thoughts patterns have almost always been met with the undeniable "heart" of God. Just today, I was out snorkeling and there it was again...

God is sweet, gentle and kind and often funny to me. Always deep adoration, humility and reverent fear, but there is such a beautiful side I think we miss sometimes. God was always Judge and Mr Fix It Counselor in my eyes and never Abba Daddy or Friend. I have sooo treasured Him in my heart as I have learned to walk in fellowship with Him. There is nothing boring (as my teen would say) about a relationship with our Lord God. It's exciting!! As the ole hymn says, "Better is one day in Your House than thousands elsewhere." I believe that with all my heart and soul!! Every day is another opportunity to find the "heart" of God! I love that my kids have noticed my affinity for all things "heart" and often gift me with hearts they find. My son found a huge heart shaped leaf on his way home from school and brought it home to me, presenting it to me with such joy!! We noticed flowers and rocks and even clouds floating above, all full of promises!

Jesus LOVES me this I KNOW!!!! God, help me know it better, trust it more.

Jesus LOVES YOU, this I know too!!!! God, show Yourself in such a way to those searching, that joy consumes them and shakes them up from the inside out. May it be exciting as they find the treasure of You!!!

Won't you seek the "heart" of God today and ask Him to show it to you in a way that is undeniably Him. No doubt, with all assurance and joy, that you too may believe and trust that He is near!!!



Your Pick

You know those stories where you get to choose the story line and it creates 2 versions of the story for the reader? Well, I have 2 choices for you tonight. It’s been “one of those weeks” and yet “I’m thankful for all God has done.” So, you pick which of the following blog-points you’d like to read:

BAD: Glass Half Empty. It’s Been One of THOSE Weeks. What is God Doing? I am READY for Vacation!!!

GOOD: Glass if Half Full. God is Good. I’m Thankful for ALL God has done! Can’t Wait for Vacation!!

Most of you know me and know that I am more of a positive, glass half full, hopeful personality than a negative, glass half empty, hopeless personality. Of course I have my down days and even seasons of “Ugh” but by the Grace of God, I seem to make it through, one step at a time. These past few weeks have been truly bitter-sweet. I’d have to say that most of the time, I feel very “in-control” and balanced with everything tilted to the “It’s all good” side of life. But I must say these past few weeks have been 50/50 in the “good and bad” of life. I’m going to lay the issues out there in hopes to help someone else see that there is always something good if we are looking, hoping for it.

Our faith is our hope in times of trouble. If my eyes are fixed on good, I will clearly see the good. If my eyes are on the bad, I will only see the bad as I yearn for the good. If my eyes are focused on the good of Christ (hope, faith, love) then I will see His mighty hand as it leads me through the bad. With Christ, I know despite the evil, the trials, the heartache and the condemnation around me, I hold on with all I have to the Cross of Salvation. My Risen Savior lifts me up. He holds on to me even if my grip is weak. He is strong!! God is always with us, we know that. He is also never going to give us more than we  (WITH HIM) can bear, got it. But what about when everything seems wrong, what’s good about bad?!? Here’s me lately...maybe you can relate too:

BAD: Took son to get Learners Permit. Waited 2hrs to find out they passed a new law just days before that you must show TWO proofs of residence. Time wasted.

GOOD: Got to spend extra time with my 15yr old playing games on his phone and catching up.

BAD: Took son back again with TWO recommended utility bill proofs to find out the bills were in my husband’s name and not mine. More wasted time...2hrs every time:(

Did I mention I had a fever, and was on the way afterward to the hospital for a procedure?

GOOD: My husband and I are now talking about the business part of marriage-Wills, Names on accounts, Permissions, etc.  

BAD: Didn’t plan on the lost time with DPS due to their inefficiency.

GOOD: Hopefully demonstrated patience and respect for authority even when they seem unfair.

BAD: Had a fishbone stuck in my throat. Had fever all week. Husband was out of town all week.

GOOD: Extra cuddle time with the kiddos….and delicious mashed potatoes (fav comfort food) AND lost 5 lbs!!

BAD: Husband was out of town all week so I waited for him to be home to have procedure done.

GOOD: Thankful my husband has a job and we have insurance coverage.

BAD: Tried to experiment building a paper mache volcano and it didn’t work! Killed my shoulders leaning over to apply for the couple of hours. More wasted time.

GOOD: Enjoyed fellowship with a friend and shoulder rub from my Honey!

BAD: Had procedure but they didn’t find bone. All that for nothing.

GOOD: Had great experience with great staff which I was previously anxious about.

BAD: My body was very stressed from the week and maybe response to anesthesia. Heartrate kicked up and left me feeling very anxious and out of breath for 2 days.

GOOD: Forced CHILL OUT time at home and pool with kids as husband stepped in and helped with needs. Took 48hrs to get back to normal...thank God it healed without intervention of meds.

BAD: Back to DPS with son to get Permit, waited another 2 hours. In bind with getting other kids picked up from school.

GOOD: Extra time AND I confronted employee of our wait and need to NOT come A 4^th TIME and she got us back…and he passed!!!! Friend helped me get kids.

BAD: Had 2 xrays done by 2 radiologists. One says there IS a fishbone and the other says there is NOT a fishbone. What in the world?!?

GOOD: I am practicing grace and confrontation/conflict resolution on my own. I have had favor with all the Dr’s and technicians so far.

BAD: All the wasted time doing what only needed to take ¼ the time it did.

GOOD: Reminded of the Israelites and how I don’t want to be like them when things are in my control. Understanding that not everything is something I can do something about. Patience. Endurance.

BAD: Still need to get volcano done.

GOOD: Thankful I have done rock formations before and I LIKE crafting, so I cannot wait to bust it out tomorrow!!!!

BAD: Sat down to blog tonight and no internet connection.

GOOD: Another problem solved- Word, then cut and paste whenever I get internet back. J

BAD: Haven’t SCUBA since Jan 2008. Had one of my first warning flag panic attacks under water in Belize. Yes, a little PTSD now.

GOOD: Friend who certified me is taking me into the dive pool for a little refresher and encouragement before we leave. Excited!

BAD: There is soooo much to do before VBS and Vacation.

GOOD: YAY my church is having VBS and YAY I get to go on vacation with my family.

BAD: HAVE to work on the volcano which means I will miss my daughter’s Splash Day.

GOOD: I will be keeping my word to finish what I committed to months ago so I can enjoy the rest of the week with my family.

BAD: My cell battery drains out by 4pm everyday this past week.

GOOD: Thankful for all my family and friends who continued to blow up my phone with texts and emails to encourage me and show their concern.

BAD: Date night away for one night with my honey. It is his b-day and might be my “d-day.”

GOOD: At least we get to have adult time for 24hrs and sleep in!!!

BAD: With everything going on, physically and emotionally, I haven’t done any ministry work.

GOOD: God intercedes on my behalf and HIS GRACE IS SUFFICIENT filling in my gaps!!!

There is always bad. There is always good. To everything a season. The choice is ours which we choose to dwell on. I could certainly be crushed and angry and freaking out but I choose peace. I haven’t felt peace at all times, but I have Peace to rest on as I set my mind on Christ.

I hate that I swallowed the bone but sooo glad I did and not one of my children!!! I hate that I haven’t been able to minister to others this past week, especially not having focus or energy to work on my own memory verses and study notes, but I trust that God will open the flood gates at the right time and make up for this “lost” time. I know He will supply all I need when I need it, so I rest in His divine plan for serving Him and growing in Him.

I don’t know what you are going through or how crazy or maybe even great things are going for you right now, but may I encourage you that God is in control and if you are in need, He will supply it. If you are satisfied and everything is wonderful, then may I encourage you to reach out and give.

Every storm has a rainbow.

Every rose has a thorn.

BAD: There’s so much going on, it took longer to write as I ponder, “What’s good about THAT?!” and now it is late.

GOOD: I got to work it all out with you and breathe a big sigh of vented relief, ahhhh.

Father God, thank You that in everything there You remain, watching, guiding, protecting and providing. Even when we want, we know that You alone are all we really need. Jesus, just saying Your name lifts my spirit higher. Thank You Holy Spirit for leading me through the troubled waters and bringing Light into what is intended to be darkness from the evil one. God, You are a Mighty Fortress and Mighty to Save!! I praise You. Amen.

*I wrote this post a week ago but haven't had internet at home to post. It has turned out to be a better week. I am so thankful I chose to focus Christ, looking forward with hope and faith rather than dwell on all the What if's and all that is bad. Choose this day whom you will serve!!!!!!!

Blessings all!!