Happy Anniversary

One year ago today my life radically changed. As much as it took a turn for the worse, it was also God's design for my best. One year ago today, God allowed me to begin a process in my life of pain to praise. It was extremely painful, frightening, lonely, frustrating, desperate and fearful.

As I look back over this past year, I am amazed at what God has done for me. Never before have I been more in love with my Jesus, my Lord and my Father, my Rock and Redeemer. I have known about Him, learned about Him and studied Him since the very beginning of my life being raised in church by my parents. I acknowledged the Gift He gave to me on Calvery, I accepted His Gift and His Friendship. But for the most part, God and I had a working relationship. Oh, I loved Him, don't get me wrong, and I knew He loved me...enough to die for me. He was the One I went to when I needed something, or if I was interceeding for someone else's needs. Our relationship wasn't intimate as some would describe. I acknowledge His incredible gift and sacrifice for me, and yet I didn't personally feel connected to Him. People described Him as Alive, and I knew in Biblical terms He has risen from the dead, therefore He is alive, but I couldn't have said He was alive in me. I didn't hear Him or feel Him. I simply went to Him, believing and trusting He heard me. Also believing that I needed to watch myself because He disciplined those who didn't serve Him well. Satan ran with that one. Inadequacy

It wasn't until this year's journey that the Lord showed me one layer at a time Who He was, Who He desired to be to me, that He did not want or need me to be His partner. God showed me that He wants to be my EVERYTHING!!!...My Provider when I have a need. My Counselor when I don't know what to do. My Rock, My Strength when I am weak. My Courage when I am fearful. My Joy when I am full of sorrow and pain. My Forgiveness when I am angry. My Peace when I am shaken and anxious. My Hope when I am devestated or lonely. My Father when I need assurance and direction. My Rock when I am uncertain and scared. My Healer when my body, mind and spirit are plagued. My Eyes and Ears when I am blind and deaf towards Him. My Redeemer when I fail. My Judge and My Comfort when I have been wronged. My Truth when I am being deceived. He wants my heart to belong completely to Him, trusting He is Who He says He is, trusting that He will be my Strength in my weakness; He accepts me and forgives me completely!

This process of acceptance has been a long one and I am still working on it. As someone with the gift of Encouragement, it's easy for me to give grace to others, accept others in their good and their bad, but for me to accept me, to accept grace for me, to accept help, encouragement, love and gifts from others...not easy. Most of my life has been lived in a One Way Street, flowing outwardly. This is where God has me now.

It has taken this past year to free me from the bondage of fear, now to move on in the refining process of sanctification, I am learning and growing more and more in the Love of God's grace and Love.

A year ago today, my life was good...busy, homeschooling the older boys, in the midst of the holiday and birthday seasons, family was good, friends were good, typical, average, stay at home Mom life...nothing to complain about....except that I sure felt busy, I had little time for me and in that there was no time for God but I had wished there was. My only option was to get up earlier in the morning and I just couldn't imagine doing that when I was already prying myself out of bed as it was! One day, I thought, I will have more time for God, studying His Word, serving Him, praying.

I am so thankful God heard my thoughts and He loved me enough to call me out! No more waiting-He must have figured I was ready-NOW was a good time to meet Him face to face! And boy did I!

Milestones: although each day was a beautiful milestone and God revealed Himself to me each new day, there were big dates I will forever remember...

December 6, 2008 was the day my life will forever be marked by change-the day of desperation. A few weeks later, I didn't think I could live this new life I had been given for it was full of fear.

January 1, 2009 looking ahead to a New Year, my year looked dismal. I was frightened and angry.

April 4, 2009 after walking through the process of healing for 4 months, felt purpose and healthy, victorious as I celebrated my Birthday with thanksgiving and joy, with a hope for my future, believing and trusting God had a plan and purpose for this journey He had me on.

June 2009 first step in a plane, confirming chains were broken, the chains of fear were being broken! AMEN!

November 14, 2009 stepped onto a "real" plane for the first time in a year. AMEN! He loudly proclaimed His grace was enough...even for Me-Michele! AMEN AMEN!! Goliath was down!

November 21, 2009 Goliath was beheaded, the bondage of fear had been replaced with courage.

Today, December 6, 2009 I reflect back with a grateful heart to my God Who loved me enough to allow me to hurt a little, a lot actually, so that He could bless me a lot! I am grateful for His patience in waiting for me to seek Him to be more than just my Helper and Partner in life-but desiring Him as my Daily Bread, my Life Giver and Sustainer- to be my All in All. Giving thanks to the Sisters in my life who were His hands and feet, holding me up when I was weak, stood in the gap, who anointed and prayed over me and for me faithfully over the past year. Thankful for a husband who stayed by my side, learning as I learned one step at a time, encouraging me to keep moving forward. And for the gift of my children who kept me plenty distracted, in a good way, and for making me laugh, sharing warm embraces and seeing me with loving, adoring eyes despite what I felt inside.

If you know Him and yet are not feeling Him working and moving in your heart, your spirit, I would encourage you to open God's living word and study. I was never a reader growing up but the living word is vibrant, life changing, vivid, action packed, encouraging, full of wisdom and love, written by the One Who love you more than life-He gave His One and Only Son's life for yours! He loves you sooo much and He wants to be your EVERYTHING!!! Won't you let Him? Do NOT WAIT another day, for you only have today, tomorrow is not guaranteed! Mark TODAY as the first day of your 180 with God! Seek Him, Hear Him, Feel Him, Trust Him with your heart. Accept His Love.

John 3:16 & I Thess 5:16-18

God Bless You!!! Michele