Where Faith Is was born in 2009 after a crisis season in my life. I was blessed to have grown up in church and as I grew into my adult years, I continued going on my own. While I understood who God was and acknowledged what He did for me on The Cross, and I accepted this precious Gift of Redemption and Salvation, I would not have described it as an intimate relationship. It was more of a religion. Something I knew, understood, and believed. God was my "Go To" guy for things I needed for myself or on the behalf of others. He was my BFF whom I shared all my thoughts, dreams, hurts and pains with, much like a favorite stuffed animal (not to compare a mighty God to a teddy bear, but you hopefully get my point) who were the best listeners but never responded back. I didn't expect them to for they infact were a stuffed animal. This was true of how I interacted with God. I sought Him but I wasn't aware of how desperate He was seeking after me, that He still had more to say to me here and now. I though He did His part for me already so the rest was mine, to reverently and fearfully serve and honor Him with my life, and His plan was already set out for me therefore I was to follow the plan all my days. I attended every mission trip I could, participated in every Bible Study I could, never missed church on Sundays and Wednesdays. I did everything I had been taught to do and raised my children in the same truths. I just didn't fully get how to be a Christ follower, as in following, as in being with or near Him. I know that sounds crazy but I am sure some of you get it. We can get so busy or distracted "doing" for God, we forget or stop "being" with God.
The Summer of 2008, I joined a Bible study written for women who felt like they were so busy with life, they couldn't hear God speaking to them or leading them anymore. It had been a while since I had felt His presence or could hear Him. Life was busy and full of a lot of doings as a Mom and church member/volunteer. Not kidding, the 2nd week of class, my study book went missing. Really?!? For a recovering perfectionist, and one who feared the judgement of others, this was devastating. I happened to also be the one leading the worship time...this was going to be embarrassing and humbling. My sweet leader didn't make fun of me, she just emailed me each week's lesson so I could keep up. It was only a 6 week class.
Sounds silly, but I had to re-learn how to be honest. Years past, I would simply avoid the issue (whatever or whoever it may be) by avoiding and stop attending. I knew I needed to be honest and I really needed this study! Wouldn't ya know it, found the silly book on the last week!! It had been kicked under our computer desk. I believe it was a God orchestrated event however because of two things: I had to fight against the fear of failure and judgement of others and I needed to actually open my Bible and reading The Living Word.
So many studies now-a-days print out the verses for you and you never have to open your Bible. Even church's do this now where they display the Scriptures on the screens and people are not encouraged to look it up for themselves. I mean, how are you going to read along in two places at the same time anyway?! So, we don't open the actual Word hardly ever eventhough we are in The Word. But, because I didn't have the study guide, I was forced to look up each verse in my Bible that my sweet friend sent me each week. How great that she didn't take the time to write it all out! No spiritual spoon feeding here! How glorious it was! Yes, I am a huge fan of the Bible Apps but they cannot substitute for the real thing. (This will be a whole other blog for later!) For me, while I love my apps to get me started, I have to have the tangible pages to flip through and feel and see. Old School maybe?!? Or maybe there is just a special anointing energy that flows off the pages, I don't know. Not to get off on a rabbit trail...
What this did for me was start a fire. My wood had gotten wet over time and only God's Word could be that spark to light it! Only God lights wet wood on fire!!!! I was drawn back into the Word and it was refreshing and igniting. But then, as it always happened, once the study was over, so was my study time at home. Study was how I fellowshiped with God. No study=no fellowship. I could not explain it however, in hindsight, I can now see I had not grown into a mature intimacy with Him. How different the love between "puppy love" and "been together froever" kind of love. So much richer, fuller, deeper to the core. I don't know why I had been like that. I loved being in the Word and yet I was only it in when I was being led through it. I didn't lead myself, on my own. I would pray. I would read daily devotionals. Again, doing, just not being. I was a great doer of all the right things, except for relationship.
Weeks later, once again, my Bible found it's way to church but sat on the nightstand during the week. Then it happened. God finally got my attention with a 2x4. Looking back, I can say He was answering the desire of my heart (to know Him and love Him) and yet while I was in the middle of it, I did not think of it that way. I felt like Job. I felt like I was doing all the right things, and yet the attack on me seemed unwarranted, certainly unwanted! And at one point, I asked What's the point Lord?!? I praise You. I need You, but I give up.
Living most of my life through the filter of perfectionism, anxiety and fear, God allowed it to fully take hold of me through the horror of panic and anxiety attacks. I felt like I was going to die and at some point I wanted to. God loves us too much to let us idle by. For the first time, I was desperate for Him. My soul was so thirsty, so hungry, so brittle. There was nothing I could do during the many attacks, but wait it out, rest my soul, rest my body, attempt to rest my mind. As if a women could control or stop her laboring contraction, neither could I possibly control or stop these attacks great or small. This season of hell was a refining fire in the furnace, burning off perfection, fear, humility and control. It was a hard lesson to learn but one that needed to be learned so that I could truly Live the life not only did my heart want to live, but one that the heart of God wanted me to live.
When I finally came to terms with the fact that I could not be the one in control of my life, that I needed The Great Physician, The Healer of my Body, Mind, Spirit and Soul, that I could not fix things on my own, that I needed to do more than all the right things, that I could (and must) trust Him, knowing I needed to surrender my all, my fears and worries, my expectations, all my good and all my bad yet I had been so afraid to, I finally experienced real living Faith. Real love, Where Faith Is.
Where Faith Is is where God is. He is in the places we cannot control. Physically when our bodies are broken. Emotionally, in our relationships and our friendships when we have been betrayed. Spiritually, when we cannot understand what we are learning or facing, when the weight of sin or darkness seems more than we can bear. That is Where Faith Is. In those places that we cannot understand. In those people we do not trust. In the places that aren't definite. Faith meets us at the crossroads of healing and grace, at compassion and hope, at the intersection of brokenness and restoration, Faith blankets our fears with wise discernment of truth. Faith brings us into the presence of a Faithful God. Faith shields our joy. Where Faith Is hope is. Joy is. Strength is. Endurance is. Peace is. Comfort is. Freedom is. Love is. Faith is Life!
Where Faith Is worn birthed out of the heart of my soul simply from the overflow within my spirit to journal my walk through this season of rebirth and falling in love with my Savior God. I feel the Lord called me to write not only for my sake of remembering but as a way to share my testimony with others, to encourage others who may be where I was physically, emotionally and spiritually.... maybe stagnant. Maybe lazy. Maybe fearful. Maybe trying so hard to be perfect and do all the right things that you have lost genuine and intimate love with the One you are striving so hard to live for. If you are honest, maybe, just maybe, you are too afraid to have bigger faith because it means you have to give up control, you have to trust in the face of the unknown or betrayals. To self-protect. To avoid pain. We avoid going deeper, or maybe we just don't know how. That was a big part of it for me. I wasn't growing in my faith and the relationship with Christ was mostly based on knowledge, head-led and not heart-led. There was no sacrifice of praise on my part.
I have since been mentored in walking faithfully, intentionally, with anticipation and hope, with zeal and joy of endurance. There really is a peace beyond understanding because of the Love of our Lord for us.
Unfortunately, I had to be forced into a life-time-out for me to come to the place I was forced to slow down in life, in my marriage, my parenting, my friendships, serving in ministry, etc. Through His Living Word, and intentional longing and seeking The Only One who satisfies my soul, my steadfast Rock and Refuge, my only Judge and Redeemer, my heart and soul were cleansed, nourished and mended, I learned more of who God was and is and I fell more and more in love, while learning to receive His love for me despite my failures and imperfections What a patient God. Wet wood was set on fire once again. Although this time, I tasted and saw the most delightful sweetness I have ever known, and I have never left the altar of praise since. Better is one day with God than a thousand elsewhere!! Never again do I want to go back to a busy life of doing or being in control of it on my own because I will most likely fall right back into the pit God graciously pulled me out of. Been there. Done that. Ain't going back there, Lord willing! That's not to say I have it all together and do life right all the time. All have sinned, but by grace, I give it my all even if my all is the size of a mustard seed!! God is not legalistic. He is loving. He does not fret when I do, He forgives and extends loving correction and reminds me Who is still in charge!
It was and is my heart's desire to seek after The Lord with all my heart, to love Him, know Him, serve Him, honor Him and there are not enough Bible studies or good deeds that could ever replace being with Him. (Deuteronomy 12:10) And the only way to be with Him is by faith! I have so loved blogging God Moments He gives me where I have the ability and privilege to document His glorious Love. Some days He really pushes into my heart and other times I fall into His, so I do my best to share these precious times. They are not all easy moments but there is always a purpose and a plan, a hope for the future in His power!! (Jeremiah 29:11-14.) God is Good!
Where Faith Is began as my own personal journey and my hope is that it will be an encouragement to your own personal journey of finding where your faith is.Our paths may not have the same pits or trials, our weaknesses, issues and thorns in our flesh won't look the same but His promises are true for you too! The steadfast, faithful, Holy Lord Jesus Christ, loves you and is seeking hard after you!! He is the Alpha and Omega (Revelation 1:8). He is above all things and He holds all things together. (Colossians 1:17) He is the same yesterday, today and forever!!! (Hebrews 13:8) God is The AMEN!!!!! If you have breath, let it praise Him! (Psalm 150:6).
"Then Elijah said to all the people, “Come near to me.” And all the people came near to him. And he repaired the altar of the LORD that had been thrown down. Elijah took twelve stones, according to the number of the tribes of the sons of Jacob, to whom the word of the LORD came, saying, “Israel shall be your name,” and with the stones he built an altar in the name of the LORD. And he made a trench about the altar, as great as would contain two seahs of seed. And he put the wood in order and cut the bull in pieces and laid it on the wood. And he said, “Fill four jars with water and pour it on the burnt offering and on the wood.” And he said, “Do it a second time.” And they did it a second time. And he said, “Do it a third time.” And they did it a third time. And the water ran around the altar and filled the trench also with water. And at the time of the offering of the oblation, Elijah the prophet came near and said, “O LORD, God of Abraham, Isaac, and Israel, let it be known this day that you are God in Israel, and that I am your servant, and that I have done all these things at your word. Answer me, O LORD, answer me, that this people may know that you, O LORD, are God, and that you have turned their hearts back.” Then the fire of the LORD fell and consumed the burnt offering and the wood and the stones and the dust, and licked up the water that was in the trench. And when all the people saw it, they fell on their faces and said, “The LORD, he is God; the LORD, he is God.” (1 Kings 18:30-39 ESV)
"For I long to see you, that I may impart to you some spiritual gift to strengthen you--
that is, that we may be mutually encouraged by each other's faith, both yours and mine." Romans 1:11-12 (ESV)
Thanks for stopping by and saying Hello!!! Blessings, Michele
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