Letting Go

This Palm in my yard had tugged at my heart for the past month or so.  Yes, I absolutely LOVE LOVE LOVE taking in the details of God's AMAZING Creation, however with the season of life I am walking through, this especially gets my heart every day.

The way palms grow, the new palm is birthed from the middle and over time, it grows outward, spreading it's leaves out into beautiful canopies. But notice the "tether" (see close up on left). There is this fine "thread" stitching all the leaves together which keeps them growing in the same direction and in the the same length together. As the palm grows, and thus the leaves grow, the threading slowly pulls apart, allowing the palm to spread out and become the canopy we see in the mature branches below, and the threading flows freely alongside it's branch almost as if it's directing the leaves from a distance as a director leads his orchestra. 


The palm is birthed, held together as it grows, and is slowly released as it matures into what it was created for...just like my son. I knew this day was coming, for 18 years and 9 months, however, it always seemed so far away and people told me over the years how glad I would be to finally get the kids out of the house. Well, that is not exactly how I feel, at all. I am sad to see him go and my heart hurts, and yet, I know his whole life, as I have sewn into him a Mother's Love, is about birthing, growing, letting go, one leaf or day, at a time as he enters into what he was designed for. 

Every day I walk into my backyard and see this palm, I notice the stretching of the threading on this new branch as if it is my countdown clock. Every day, it stretches a little more with less of a grip than the day before, just like me. I nearly hesitate to look in these recent days for fear it will be completed. It would mean my time is near too, to let go of the last thread eventhough the day is near.

Just as the thread flows freely alongside the palm, so will I in the life of my son. While I will no longer be able to physically touch him and guide him, hug him or protect him, I will still be near for we are connected at the core. We will always be one, and yet separate. Our roots in Christ, physically and spiritually, will be what keeps us alive and together for always. 
How I pray he remembers that all his days. I will love them all always!!!

Father, my Abba Daddy, thank You for being the root of me, keeping me connected and grounded in You. Lord, and for Your Holy Spirit who threads the whole of my life, leading, guiding and protecting me, keeping me close to You, I thank You. Thank You Creator God, for the miracle of Your creation, birthing everything into life with such care and form. Thank You for giving me this palm as a reminder of Your love for me, how You too hold me together to help me be what You created me to be. Thank You for each of my children, for choosing to plant them into my garden of life, to birth them, nurture them and love them but Lord it's hard to release this thread as they grow and mature. This stretching out pulls at the string of my heart and I find myself wishing for each day's minute to stretch instead so I can hold on a little longer. Help me to release them each fully into Your hands. I know they are Yours. I committed each one to You from the beginning of their lives. And yet, I love them so and wish they could forever be with me. I know that You have a greater love for them and a plan and purpose they must live out in You, it's what they were created for so each day is a letting go. Thank You for allowing me to know this kind of love that stretches me so I better understand how much You love me.
Thank You Father for the reminder of how much You long for us Your children and love us with all Your heart. Thank You for life. Thank You for love. Thank You for holding on to us, keeping us together as one with You. I know we will always be one. Holy Spirit, direct me as Your instrument and now, direct my son, keep close to him and may he always see You near even when he's stretching out his palms, may they always and forever be towards You. Thank You for the gift of time, and that we have the assurance of all eternity to be reunited as Your children. Help me here on earth in each Mommy Moment. Thank You. In Your Sweet name, amen.

"O LORD, you have searched me and known me! 

You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar. 

You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways. 

Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O LORD,you know it altogether. 

You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me. 

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high; I cannot attain it.

Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence? 

If I ascend to heaven, you are there!If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there! 

If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, 

even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me.

 If I say, "Surely the darkness shall cover me, and the light about me be night," 

even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is bright as the day, for darkness is as light with you. 

For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb.

I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well." Psalm 139:1-14

"But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, he will teach you all things and bring to your remembrance all that I have said to you. 

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid." John 14:26-27

"I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing." John 15:5