Discerning the Whispers

Quiet moments are hard to come by when you have a full house. I must be intentional to carve out time to be still, aside from Bible study, to rest my mind. Usually it is during my afternoon coffee break before the kids arrive home and my time no longer is mine. As I sit in my own wonderings, if I am not careful, my mind dwindles to all I haven't done, wish I could have done better and these insecurities grow voices as I wonder about who I am, what I am purposed for, am I really training my children up well, if I matter outside the walls of my home?
In these moments of negative pondering, voices of insecurity, inadequacy and fear of rejection and failure began their chatter... “You’re not good enough. You’re no one.” “You shouldn’t be doing ministry when you’re so shy, without credentials to be here.” “You are going to embarrass yourself." “You’ll be mediocre at best.” “So many others do it better than you.” "You have no special qualities." "Don't let them inside your heart, they will hurt you." And on and on the chatter goes.
Depending on the strength of my faith that day, it may only take one whisper to shut me down, as other days words bubble over the smoothed edges of my torn down barrier walls and I feel empowered in Godly strength to conquer Goliath as he taunts me from the mountain I am about to cast out. Time heals all wounds? Sorta. I accredit it to mercy healing rather than something that simply fades away. God is our Healer and Defender, our Great Physician and Counselor. With each passing day, my hope renews in the anchor of Christ, my Cornerstone. 
Fear can be a silencer of faith if we aren't careful. Faith needs to be greater so fear has no hold. Thankfully fear no longer paralyzes me from sharing my heart in ministry, with friends and in my home as it once did. I may be cautious but I am not calloused. My soul trembles in utter joy at the opportunity to share His grace and love with others, drowning out the doubts and lies of deception. Not gonna lie, there are also moments fear wells up in the pit of my throat and I wonder what I have just said or done. I wonder what they might think of me, and if I will be a discredit to my God when they find out this girl is so “less than." 
Trust has always been an issue for me. The Lord has done a great healing in that part of my heart and mended many a wounds, a healing balm is He. I have lived years behind a protective high and wide barrier wall to now finally surrender to the work of my Reigning King, allowing Him to be my Shield and Defender. I don't know if I can say there is absolutely no wall, but there is a better filter of discernment. I trust my heart, mind and soul are guarded in the armor of God. Nothing penetrates what He doesn't allow. My heart belongs fully to Christ My Savior, where my trust is anchored in His Truth. My identity and worth is esteemed in His love for me.       

This God, the Perfecter of Faith, I Am, Ruler over All, quiets my fears. My Gracious, Faithful, Abba Father speaks volumns in the stillest of voices, “You are My child and that qualifies you enough. Your relationship with Me is witness to My unending grace and unconditional love. I have allowed you to suffer trails in this life to make you stronger in Me, and not shame you. My blood over you is proof enough of my love and faithfulness to you. You do not need to know everything about everything. Share your the heart I placed within you and love as I have loved you. Trust Me as I equip you with all you need. I will always provide for you. You are mine and that is enough. Nothing passes through my watchful care without my knowledge. Pain and trials will be purposeful and thorns will be as reminders to not lean on your own understanding, but turn to Me. Do not be afraid.” 
God is for us even when it feels like the world is against us. Scriptures tell us the evil one seeks to kill and destroy us. Sadly, we don’t make it hard for him. A few trials and betrayals, and we are hiding under the covers. One poor decision and we think we have discredited our portion of mercy and grace. One bad thought and we are unforgivable. Where is our faithfulness and loyalty of trust to the One who loves us most? The Only One who gave His all for us. Are we so easily swept away by lies and deceit?! 
Satan has done nothing for us but lie and lead us into paths of unrighteousness while God stands ready as Shield and Defender to fight and resist the temptations to fall into the net being cast at our feet. It is crucial to be in The Word of God, in intimate and constant fellowship of God our Savior, but this doesn't mean we will know everything. We need not be scholarly in order to share the Good News of Jesus Christ with others. Our testimony wrapped in the arms of mercy and love is power enough. We are walking billboards for The Gospel when we walk, talk and live out our faith, loving and forgiving others as Christ loved us. 
Counting it all joy when we face trials of many kinds, hoping for glory revealed, hearing the whispers of both voices yet only believing and trusting One, we display His goodness and faithfulness. We are not victims of "less than" and "incompleteness." We are more than conquerers in Jesus Name. We are made powerful in likeness of the only One with the power to save. Jesus, the name above all other names. Like Paul, we can boast in our weaknesses, for His grace is sufficient for us despite the evidence of deep winding scars and thorns embedded within our flesh. Like Job, we can loose much and be surrounded by naysayers, and yet still believe that Christ is our only Hope and King. 

Friend, pay attention to the smallest of whispers and discern if they are the voice of a tempter or a Savior. Then, allow Truth to wash over you and strengthen you for today. Trust He has your heart in His. The blood of Calvary and the Empty tomb remind us He is mighty to save! He has sent a Helper who enables us to discern the will and whispers of God. Rest in the stillness of His great love for you.

Praise the Name of Jesus, for He is able to do exceedingly more than we can ever think or imagine. His grace has enough space for you! His message is in you and ready to be shared. Hear His call, and go! You’ve got this 'cuz He’s got you! 
(Just a few) References:
Joshua 1, Proverbs 3, Psalms 19, Romans 8, 1 Corinthians 15, Ephesians 6, James 1

Pace yourself in Grace

I didn't used to count the stars at night, or watch the trees blow outside the window. I didn't used to pay attention to the incredible colors of a sunset or glowing moonbut more than a glance. I was much too busy for that...until one day I had to.

After weeks of turmoil spinning in the depth of my soul, all day, every day, I frequently found my breaths in the open air of the Texas winds outside. My overwhelmed heart and mind cried for a moment of reprieve. Just one moment to hear my own thought, much less gather them.

 
As my heart raced within my chest, I found myself taking extended potty breaks to my tiny sanctuary for 4 minutes of nothingness where the kids would give me my private space. 

I gave myself 5 extra minutes parking when running errands. 

I walked slowly towards the check out line as I meandered past the floral department remembering the days I used to draw close enough to smell them and take note of their dainty designs on their fragile petals. 

Most days I would take my fresh brewed afternoon cup of coffee with me, going early to the bus stop just to sit in stillness for a few minutes before school aged children started their chattering (and let's be honest- their complaining) of the day's events and all demands for help heaped on me. 

Day after day, it was a hustle and a hoot to live life in my skin. I volunteered, served, lunched, exercised, wash/fold/put up laundry for 6 people, shopping, cooking, cleaning, hugging, settling, sorting, writing and Bible Study, day after day, never giving myself permission to take a break. I work hard in my home with an outward smile on my face exuding from the blessing of being a Mommy even though some days I was exhausted and exasperated. Some days I didn't even know what day it was!  The flow was a constant, controlled chaos if I am honest. This is the biggest part of Motherhood people don't tell you.

I thought everything was under control until one day my heart leaped so far out of my chest a shock wave pinged down my left arm. The deeper of a breath I drew, the deeper the pain. I felt like I could not breath. 

I was a do-gooder, focused intensely on being a perfect Christian Mom, Wife, Friend, Neighbor that the Name of God would be honored and while my own value validated as I walked by faith representing Him to many who knew I was a woman of faith. Only to learn many mature years later, I was shown my value on the cross when Jesus died for me.

The pressure I put on myself to strive for achieving perfection in every area of my life was a plot of the enemy of twisted truths on how I ought to glorify God in my little address on this planet. Satan is the father of lies and he is slick, me not being his first victim. It took bit of time to show me but I finally realized the hamster wheel I was on.

I recognized I could no longer be a slave to perfection or fear. 

I realized living from my heart, not my non-stop actions was how God felt honored. 

I learned how to live in purposeful Grace.

Grace to give all I had, without depleting self.

Grace to serve every need within my potential.

Grace to find my value in my serving heart, not my ability to be all and do all for the all, always!

A fresh breath of grace became the daily medication, a healing balm to my weary and wrecked soul. I learned to find those quiet moments in the day to exhale the toxins built up within my heart and soul and no longer simply clinch my teeth analyzing the to-do list demanding my all. It took discipline and accountability. It took desperation for peace and purpose in The Plan I believed in my spirit God had for me. I refused to believe God created me for this, a crazy cycle of chores and failures, highs and lows, busyness and living life on auto-pilot, constant hustling in order to achieve the next person's expectation of me, including the one I had placed on myself.

Jeremiah 29: 11-14a NIV "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 

You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. 

I will be found by you,” declares the LORD, “and will bring you back from captivity."

A chaotic rhythm for so many years it felt like my normal yet I was too blind to see I was being held captive in my own home, my own skin, my own soul. Till that day God called me out, Enough, seek Me and know Me. Find My heart. It wasn't easy. 

The amount of guilt and time I felt was wasted in the not-doings hounded me every minute I sat. Each day I sought peace in Grace, He showed up, patient and without condemnation. In the beginning I had to physically leave the house and go to the park or coffee shop and force myself out of doing, and just rest beside still waters sometimes by myself or with the kids taking a walk, swinging on the old chain link swings, spotting the kids as they braved the monkey bars, and my favorite moments, catching the little ones at the ends of the slides. Their bravery and creativity lit up my Mommy soul.

Day by day it became easier as my body quickly felt the healing from within, the release of stress and hidden anguish of a life that didn't feel valuable or important. I began to feel the calm overshadow the chaos.

You will never be the same when you learn to embrace Grace. It changes you because it's no longer about you..it's about Jesus and His glory, His timing, His disciplines. My soul renewed day by day with a devoted calmness and anticipation knowing He was closer than I knew He could be. He was and is always near. 

Lamentations 3: 17-27 NIV "I have been deprived of peace; I have forgotten what prosperity is. So I say, “My splendor is gone and all that I had hoped from the LORD.” I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall. I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me. 

Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. I say to myself, “The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for Him.”  The LORD is good to those whose hope is in Him, to the one who seeks Him;"

Our lives were not meant for chaos or cleanliness. Life and love are as messy as the Cross, blood spilled out over the works of the earth. We are created to worship, where we are, how we are, as we are. To love Him with all our heart, mind, soul and strength (Deuteronomy 6:5). 

Whatever your life season, may I remind you to breath Grace in your day, He is more than enough (2 Corinthians 12). Let the Lord be that healing balm of mercy washing over your schedule, suffering and service to your God, your family, your church and community. You may be able to pound out the hours and heal all the hurts, accomplish every task asked of you, but if you do not set aside time to exchange love with The One who loves you mostest in all the world, you will find yourself gasping for air. Seek Him. Sit with Him. 2 minutes, 5 minutes, 30 minutes...don't steal those minutes, guard them. 

Show the world your Grace, not your gumption. Grace is a Gift everyone needs. Remember you can't give what you don't have. Find it and share it.

Count the stars, watch the rise or fall of the sun, see the tiny details of the petals in your yard, catch the glimmer of hope in your loved one's eye. Snuggle close, forgive the offense. Pace yourself in Grace. Smell it's fresh air, for it is Good. Because God is good. Enjoy this song: Just Breath! Just Be.

Weary in Faith

"my soul is bereft of peace; I have forgotten what happiness is; so I say, "My endurance has perished; so has my hope from the LORD." But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope:

The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. 

"The LORD is my portion," says my soul, "therefore I will hope in him." The LORD is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks Him." 

Lamentations 3:17-18, 21-25 ESV

You don't have to walk long in this life to know it's both exciting and exhausting. There is a real enemy working hard every day to make sure of it. There is also a Mighty Savior who has conquered this enemy in this life and for all eternity. Both call for our attention.

Each new season, we begin our walk with a skip in our step, eyes focused and hearts ready to embrace the rainbow at the end of our rainy day. We strive for the pot of gold at the end of our rainbow,  only to discover it's further than we anticipated, or hoped it would be. Our steps slow. Our legs fall heavy in the weight of depleted energies. Our feet ache from uneven pathways and swell in the long hours of the journey. Our hands lay limp by our side having lost their grip. The perverbial yellow brick road feels jagged and annoying and we've lost sight of the rainbow once again against the backdrop of defeating downpours. 

New season seedlings that once ushered hope and life transform into seeds of bitterness, anxiety, doubt, sadness, and exhaustion. Grace is no longer the sole to our soul. 

Our overwhelmed minds shut down as we look back over our shoulder to where we first began and wonder if we took a wrong turn along the way. Skipping has turned into staggering until we eventually, just...stop.

Our eyes are weary, our feet lack strength, the path seems too costly to continue. Strength, peace, joy, and hope elude us. Where along the path did we loose them? 

For many of us, we can look back an recall the moment we chose to adventure on a rocky path it's a distinct moment of digging heels into the dirt. For others, it's a gradual slope on the hillside we find ourselves slipping down.

Believers, when the path before you seems too costly, remember the cost of your journey has already been walked and the cost counted and paid for. The scriptures remind us time after time to guard our hearts, seek Him first, do not fear, be strong and courageous, resist the devil. Jesus is our perfect portion and provision for the journey. He has been there and knows where you are going.

A mustard seed of faith and a devoted heart is all He seeks. Strength for the journey is found in His great mercy. We must endure the race, fight the good fight, enduring the fatigue as we fall into a self-surrendering of all we are to Grace Himself Who restores our soul's soles.

If we lose strength, we lose hope. If we lose hope, we lose joy. If we lose joy, we lose peace. If we lose peace, we lose self-control. If we lose self-control, we lose focus. If we lose focus, we lose faith. If we lose faith, we lose a life of love. Despair fills our empty shells and all our weary souls seek is refuge in something other than Christ for we have turned our eyes away from life itself.

How crucial it becomes, we surround ourselves with other Believers who are in The Word, walking this life out with us, as we together, continually grow in the knowledge of The Word, that we may remind one another of the faithfulness of The One leading, believing He will sustain and strengthen us for our long walks in this life, that He alone is our Rock and Refuge. God is a Redeemer, seeking what has been lost. When we grow weary, the temptation to isolate ourselves from others, and eventually from God is great.

It is here in those moments we must gird up ourselves in Christ, raising our weary hands to Him, not at Him. Gather around you the intercession of others, allowing Him to reveal Himself through them as the source of strength to you. Do not isolate yourself but rather call to mind what you know to be true in the knowledge of Who you know Him to be. Remember the truths that prosper us, breathing life into a weary soul, God is steadfast and faithful, enduring, purposeful and that He has all the provisions to complete the journey we are walking out. There are no paths too difficult or for Him. 

Guard your thoughts and do not despair, Be patient, stay in The Word. Some of our paths will be hard and we may not see past all the muddy pits and thorn bushes, we will sometimes have to walk soaking wet and weak, but here in our weakness we find strength in His arms, hugely able and willing to carry us over the pits that can swallow us whole. Friend, the enemy is after you to wear you out, in order to destroy your faith and replace it with fear and despair. The Lord goes before you to guard your spirit, but you must guard your mind. Guard it fiercely. Meditate in likeness of Philippians 4:8 and arms yourself in preparation for the battle (Ephesians 6:10-18). Be aware when your walk begins to slip or you feel your heels digging in. What are you believing in your thoughts? Where are you looking for refuge?

Surround yourself with those in the faith who can encourage you and pray for you. Others will consider it foolishness to continue in your faith journey who are not walking the same direction as you. A depleted soul becomes a desperate soul and this makes you vulnerable to a life of death. God brought Heaven down to earth to give us life, and life abundantly.

Embrace the morning's grace and mercy of a steadfast and loving Father for they are ushered in new with every morning's sunrise. If you must sit along the way, wait beside The still Waters and rest for a while. Drink deep from His well. In due time, lift up your eyes, rise up and go! Do not give up hope. Sing for joy, shout if you must, for it will be your strength for each step. He is for you, and with you for every single skip and a step.

His love never ceases. May we trust in Christ alone, our Cornerstone.