What Ya Can and What Ya Can't

After living 4 weeks with a broken elbow, things are getting better on many levels. Physically, the bones has healed great, so it it time to focus on the beaten up, stressed out muscles- those affected from the fall and those who have been working overtime because of the "broken ones." Tomorrow, I am hoping to make it to the gym for the first time in a month!! Just to walk on the treadmill...don't worry Honey. I am ready to walk this thing out!!

Emotionally, I have finally come to a place of acceptance. I think I can do many things, however, the truth is, I simply can't. It's like having the strength of a toddler. My 4 year old cannot open certain containers with his little muscle strength....and neither can I right now. I was "one more try away" from loading up the kids to go to Starbucks cuz I could not pull apart the seal on the new bag of coffee this morning, and I really wanted my coffee!!!! Just tonight, I attempted a can of coke only to find myself struggling with the coordination to do it. I probably could have done it, maybe spilling a few drips, but I could have done it...but a dear friend happened to be passing by and offered timely help. I had a choice, take it or leave it...I am learning to take the help as painful as it is to receive it, I am receiving it.

So, it's not enough knowing what I can do, but understanding what I can't do. It has been a painful journey of humility, receiving helps in such small and simple things that you don't even think would ever be an issue!

This brings me to the spiritual lesson(s) of patience, grace, endurance, obedience, acceptance, humility and self-control which I am learning on deeper levels. There are certainly many things I can do, but I also need to acknowledge and accept the things I simply cannot do. I can pray for those I dearly love, but I cannot make the change for them. I can instruct my children on what they "ought" or "should" be doing, but I must realize I cannot make them do it (obviously not a across the board statement-talking about choices in thoughts and attitudes, not obedience of responsibility). I can make them read their Bible, but I cannot make them love Jesus. I can give them memory work, but I cannot make it penetrate into their heart and spirit. I can pray for a friend's situation but I am not able to change it. Yes, there are things we can and should do (body, mind and spirit) as well as things we can't do.

Just as I have had to struggle with understanding my new, and extremely frustrating physical restrictions, God has shown me where I also need to understand what restrictions I have of being in control spiritually.I can only do what I can, and accept what I can't, remembering that GOD can do all I can't.

There is no mistaking that I am in the Deuteronomy study at this particular time in my life. Walking thru the wilderness just as the Israelites did, I catch myself whining and complaining about my limited abilities and provisions, quickly forgetting Who is in charge and forgetting where I am on a journey to. Nope, I certainly don't understand the "whys" but I do believe that every thing sifts through the hand of God. God is leading and providing. He is more than able to do accomplish our "cannots." There is a reason even if I don't get it.

We need to let God do what only God can do...in our lives and in the lives of others. We can train, correct and rebuke attitudes of the heart, but only God can change that heart. We can work out our issues and try to fix our struggles, but it is God Who Heals and restores. We can run and hide but God seeks and finds! 

Father God, Almighty King, tonight I am humbled on my knees before You. In my physical weakness, I have also become weak spiritually. And yet I see the opposite true, I see Your hand making me stronger day by day, both in my body and in my spirit. Thank You for Your grace.

I acknowledge that You, Lord God, are in complete control and there is nothing that escapes Your sight. You are the Sovereign Lord, Ruler over all things in Heaven and on Earth. Thank You for restoring me with Your gentle and swift hand. Forgive me for wondering through this wilderness, whining and complaining. Forgive me for coveting what isn't mine. You know my heart is set on You above any other. Restore not only my body's strength, but my spirit's. I see that through my brokenness, I am also being made stronger. Thank You for Your patience and Your forgiveness. 

Give me courage to fight the battles that I am supposed to fight. Help me walk away from battles that are not mine to fight, trusting You to fight them for me. 

May Your will be done, Your way be had, and my self rest, knowing You, Oh King, are ruling my little kingdom, working all things out for my good and Your glory. Take it all...it is Yours. amen.


David's Prayer:

"David praised the LORD in the presence of the whole assembly, saying, "Praise be to you, O LORD, God of our father Israel, from everlasting to everlasting. 11 Yours, O LORD, is the greatness and the power and the glory and the majesty and the splendor, for everything in heaven and earth is yours. Yours, O LORD, is the kingdom; you are exalted as head over all. 12 Wealth and honor come from you; you are the ruler of all things. In your hands are strength and power to exalt and give strength to all. 13 Now, our God, we give you thanks, and praise your glorious name. 14 "But who am I, and who are my people, that we should be able to give as generously as this? Everything comes from you, and we have given you only what comes from your hand. 15 We are aliens and strangers in your sight, as were all our forefathers. Our days on earth are like a shadow, without hope. 16 O LORD our God, as for all this abundance that we have provided for building you a temple for your Holy Name, it comes from your hand, and all of it belongs to you. 17 I know, my God, that you test the heart and are pleased with integrity. All these things have I given willingly and with honest intent. And now I have seen with joy how willingly your people who are here have given to you. 18 O LORD, God of our fathers Abraham, Isaac and Israel, keep this desire in the hearts of your people forever, and keep their hearts loyal to you. 19 And give my son Solomon the wholehearted devotion to keep your commands, requirements and decrees and to do everything to build the palatial structure for which I have provided." 20 Then David said to the whole assembly, "Praise the LORD your God." So they all praised the LORD, the God of their fathers; they bowed low and fell prostrate before the LORD and the king."
I Chronicles 29:10-20

Thanks!!

HAPPY NOVEMBER 2011!!!

Can you even believe it is really NOVEMBER?!?! Where did the year go?!?

Although every day is a gift from our Lord, November is that month of intentional Thanksgiving. For Believers, it kicks off at Halloween as we choose to reflect on "Harvest Blessings" and the Goodness of all that God has made. Then, the fall signs and decorations appear, almost overshadowed by the Christmas season so near. Can we even take the time to be thankful?!?

In my current ladies bible study, we are studying thru the Book of Deuteronomy. One of the awareness's for me has been the revealing of God's sovereign hand and the blessings which come from our obedience and ultimately His grace. This God we serve has such love for His children and is pursuing us constantly in an effort to draw us nearer to Him.

HE is in control, I am not.  It's all You God, not me.

He IS in control, I am NOT! No matter the circumstance, I trust Your hand.

When we take the time to remember our blessings, it's easy to Give Thanks. Not the same when we face darker days where thick clouds and darkness encamp around us, limiting our vision. The world around us is so full of tragedies which we just simply cannot understand or even find logic or reason to justify in our finite and selfish minds. We sure try when tragedy strikes. I have recently been talking with God about this as I face my own personal struggles and as I walk alongside a friend of mine fight against cancer, then as I was editing this email to you just now, I received a call for prayer over a young couple who lost their sweet baby....Why God? 

Some things "we get" while soooo many others "we don't get." "Simply, He is God. The more I attempt to understand or figure out the "whys" I must be careful not to act like one of the gods who claim to know and understand the One True God. We can never comprehend the mind of God, therefore we must stand firm in faith and place our confidence in truth and worship Him, having wisdom and proper respect and faithful trust in Who He is. I am so thankful HE is the Lord God who is over ALL things in Heaven and on Earth. Who else can bear the weight of the world other than Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior? 

' I am the LORD your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery. "' You shall have no other gods before Me".

Deuteronomy 5:6

I have come to realize how FOREVER GRATEFUL I am that God is FAITHFUL...His Word is valid and true. We are also not alone. Our Great Shepherd will not abandon or forget us ...

"For thus says the Lord GOD: Behold, I, I myself will search for My sheep and will seek them out. As a shepherd seeks out his flock when he is among his sheep that have been scattered, so will I seek out my sheep, and I will rescue them from all places where they have been scattered on a day of clouds and thick darkness." Ezekiel 34: 11-12

We are not God. Aren't you thankful HE IS?!? Who else can carry our burdens? Who else is worthy of such admiration and praise? Who else is as faithful as He?

As you pull out your Blessing Journal, I encourage you this month, give thanks not only for the blessings given, but also to the Blessed Giver. Reflect on His goodness. Even in the midst of "clouds and thick darkness" know He is gathering you. 

 

Father God, we praise You for Who you are. We are nothing apart from You God. We need Your strength, Your peace, Your hand to lead. Forgive us when we respond to You with conditional love in the face of Your unconditional Love. Call to mind in our spirits, all Your goodness, Who you are, what You have already done and the good things to come. May YOUE be our heart's greatest desire. May we find there is nothing we long for more than Your Grace and Love. Above all else, may we see Your Son as our greatest Good. We are sooooo thankful for the Gift of Your Love that brought us out and rescued us from an eternity separated from You. We humbly but confidently worship You in thanksgiving and praise today!! Comfort the broken-hearted, gird up the weak, loosen the bondages that strangle, give us courage in the face of the unknown. With hope, faith, joy and remembrance, Amen.

" You shall remember that you were a slave in the land of Egypt, and the LORD your God brought you out from there with a mighty hand and 

an outstretched arm." Deuteronomy 5:15a

Happy THANKS-giving!!!!!!!
Blessings, Michele

Being Weak

" Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words."    Romans 8:26

 

 

I recently broke my elbow which has slooooowed... me... waaaaay... down... physically, and even emotionally. I am pretty strong-willed, and what Mom can ever fully rest who has little ones, so I have continued on getting done what I can. My husband and kids have really jumped in to fill in gaps that I leave. Everything takes 3 times as long to do (as I am even typing one handed as we speak!!), so I do hit "walls" throughout the day- physical ones and emotional ones. Part of the frustration emotionally is needing to rely on others for help. I am trying so hard, and what used to be easy for me now takes a lot more out of me...draining me.

 

When I fell on my arm Sunday, I smashed my IPhone. It actually softened the blow of my face when it hit the ground otherwise my cheek would have smashed the jagged concrete and probably caused worse damage. Amazingly it still works!! But I need to get over to the Apple store, about 45 min drive away, to have it repaired. So, I asked a friend of mine if she could drive me there. My husband voiced an interest in going to the store with me, and I won't pass up any opportunity for him to go to the store with me cuz he hardly ever ever goes with me or the kids. So, my text to my friend simply said, "My husband wants to do the apple with me. Have a great day!" You can imagine reading that first thing in the morning, still waking up...He wants to do what?!? Toooo funny!!

What a GREAT relief to know with God, we don't have to explain ourselves, reason, justify, be politically correct, walk on eggshells, figure out what we mean to say, put words to how we feel or watch our every move. He KNOWS your heart, your thoughts and your fears!! When we don't know what to say, the Lord intercedes. When the ache inside our heart throbs, He feels every beat of it with you. He knows the cries of your heart. When we do not understand, we can rest in His care. When there are just no words, He speaks for you.

This is true whether in times of great turmoil or times of worship. Have you ever stood before your Father, Redeemer, Healer, Refuge and been speechless in complete awe? Those are beautiful moments!!! Oh Glorious Precious God!! WOW...what extremes our hearts can reach and yet, " the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words."

 

Father, Son and Holy Spirit, thank You for how You care for me. It is equally frightening and yet comforting to know that You can see the words my heart and mind speaks. You see me for me and yet You also see who You have created me to be. You see my intentions and motives. You hear the smallest whispers of worry in days of trials and You can comprehend shouts of praise in my spirit and heart overflowing with awe. You count every tear of pain and joy. There is nothing that escapes You. Thank You for knowing me so intimately. Please draw me closer to You so I may know you better and hear what You are saying to me. Be my words when I don't know what to say. Lead me off the path of destruction onto the path of righteousness. 

Hear me Lord today. Give me rest in my weakness, that my heart, my mind and my spirit will draw strength in You. I praise Your Holy, Ever-present, Name, my Friend, Father, my Lord, amen.

 

 

Every Little Bit Matters

A girlfriend and I were walking to a local coffee shop to grab a morning cup of the greatly anticipated Pumpkin Spice when she turned her wallet a certain way causing the loose change to spill out. Most of us would have simply left the "small change" thinking it unnecessary or meaningless. I mean, What could a few random pennies, nickles and a quarter or two really benefit? She however, initiated the pick up, so we gathered them one by one as we carried on in conversation, never skipping a beat! (Us Women are talented, aren't we?!? LOL)

Well, who knew how valuable these little random coins would come to be. In fact, these coins were deal breakers. Without those random, seemingly meaningless coins, there could be no Pumpkin Spice coffee. For my sweet friend, this money was her "play" money and every bit of it mattered. Without it, she would not have been able to get what she was asking for. I don't believe the kind lady would have allowed her to even smell the highly anticipated cup of Pumpkin Spice coffee had she not had the proper exchange amount. The coffee was conditional on her pooling together her random coins so they would collectively pay the whole required.

God may give Grace, but Starbucks does not!!

Every little bit does matter, especially in the economy of God. When we look at the world with all of it's problems...when I look at my own life and wonder, Where do I even begin?...it can be overwhelming to say the least. What can little 'ole me possibly do to make a difference? Will my one simple meal really even help? Will my few hours donated ease the burden for another when looking at the amount needed? Will my prayers change anything? Do I have enough to give? Am I enough?

The answer is YES!! We are one instrument of many in God's symphony. Each instrument's unique sound comes together alongside the others and produces a beautiful harmony, producing a sound that could never have been realized on it's own.

I have to believe that my single prayers said, my few hours donated, my limited resources, my lack of comprehension will all be redeemed by God's mighty hand, multiplied and made complete in His grand purpose. God is not up in Heaven taking votes, and the one with the highest score wins His favor. NO!! He hears the smallest of cries. He sees the broken hearted who keeps on keeping on in the face of the world. There is not one tear that falls which He didn't see. The Lord our God knows the hearts and souls of His creation, whether they acknowledge Him as Abba Father or not, He sees His created.

 All He asks for when you pray, is that you have the faith of a mustard seed. That tiny seed...and yet this tiny seed has the power to move a mountain!!

Take heart, you matter. There is nothing random or meaningless about you. Your instrument will compliment in perfect harmony the whole orchestra of those worshiping, believing, giving, hoping, longing, expecting with you! Every bit of you matters! 

Father, Lord God Almighty,

May YOU be the Multiplier in our lives. Although you delight in our heart's intentions, bless our willing hands. Ready our feet to go where You say go, whether the distance seems big or small in our eyes. God, bless our every little bit. I know it matters to You. Give us courage to have the faith and faith to have the courage to move mountains in Your mighty Name. Our Redeemer, Our Healer, Our Multiplier of abundant resources, Grace and Love, Praise Your Name above all others, amen.

" He said to them, " Because of your little faith. For truly, I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you."  Mathew 17:20

BLESSINGS!!!

It's Time...ahhhhhh!

FINALLY!!!!! A day that I didn't HAVE to go anywhere. My husband and the two big boys joined a group of men from our church for the opening day of Dove Season this weekend, so it was just me and the two little ones. It was sooooo quiet and relaxed. I could have cuddled up at any moment and fell asleep with them in my arms. It was a good day to say the least. The weather was beautiful and we did get out in it for a bit, but we intentionally enjoyed just locking ourselves in for rest and relaxation.

Since baseball season and football season began, we are constantly on the GO! And we knew it ahead of time, so I am not complaining and I am not feeling overwhelmed...I just felt ready for rest...a big rest!! One that involved me in my pj's all day!!!!

I was reminded of the verses in Ecclesiastes that say there is a time for everything. So true! As with any thing we face, there must be both "working out" and "resting in." When you are training physically, instructors recommend you trade muscles groups as well as days of working out so that your muscles can rest and rebuild themselves. When you are studying, you must take a break so that your mind can "breathe", soaking in what you've learned, your eyes can rest and get up and walk around as your body needs to switch positions. So, what about spiritually? What about serving? What about ministering to others?

Spiritually, there are plenty of scriptures that mention working out your salvation, study, prepare, put on, be ready, build up...and there are plenty that say Be still, peace, trust, hope, think on, pray, listen...I think there is a balance here too and it would be easy to do one or the other of these excessively. It seems that our culture is an "all or nothing people." It would be easy to fall into the trap of work, serve, read, study, share, tell...work, serve, read, study, share, tell. But when about a Sabbath? What about resting and thinking and waiting and listening? What about being ministered to rather than ministering? Being encouraged rather than encouraging another? What about asking for prayer rather than saying it?

No, I am not saying that it is better to be served and selfish, "it's all about me." Neither are we to work without end. There must be a balance. We should both be eager to pray, encourage, mentor, share, help, give, study, serve as well as receive prayer, encouragement, mentorship, listening, receiving helps and instruction. We should study His Word, and then listen for His instruction. We should worship and pray, and then listen for His movement. We should serve and encourage others, and then be willing to be served and encouraged ourselves.

How long has it been since you sat still before the Lord? In the stillness of these quiet moments, my mind is still, my body is rested and my spirit can only whisper, " Sweet Jesus."

Take time to honestly look where you are at and see if you are balanced. Are you all about others? Are you all about you? Are you doing all the talking with God? Are you even talking to Him anymore, just waiting for Him to prove Himself to you?

I am so thankful that God called me out of my busyness and said to settle in. I wouldn't have probably done it otherwise. Oh, sweet Jesus, my saving Grace.

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: a time to be born and a time to die, 

a time to plant and a time to uproot,  

a time to kill and a time to heal, 

a time to tear down and a time to build,  

a time to weep and a time to laugh, 

a time to mourn and a time to dance,  

a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, 

a time to embrace and a time to refrain,  

a time to search and a time to give up, 

a time to keep and a time to throw away,  

a time to tear and a time to mend, 

a time to be silent and a time to speak,  

a time to love and a time to hate, 

a time for war and a time for peace.  

What does the worker gain from his toil? I have seen the burden God has laid on men.  

He has made everything beautiful in its time. What God has done from beginning to end. He has also set eternity in the 

hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom." Ecc 3: 1-11

 

I need to be a little more "Bad"

Homework Journaling:

The question is "Is there one truth from these that you would like to put into practice this week? If so, what insight would you like to apply?"

As you already know, although the bondage of fear has been broken (PRAISE THE LORD!!!!!!), fear is my personal weakness: fear of "what if", rejection, making a mistake, being hurt (both physical and emotional). For most of my life, my thoughts have been critical, analytical and yet balanced. I have always been able to see both sides and yet, fear has always been my deciding factor in making a decision. Our thoughts have a HUGE impact on what we do from the smallest of details to the big decisions in our life. From what will I wear, will I fail, who will know, what will they say, what if I am wrong, and the biggest fear of all~will I disappoint God, if I mess up, will He still love me?

I have a sweet friend who is my "Mentor in Crime." We are a great balance! She is assertive and confident and I am meeker. When we have had the opportunity to counsel or mentor another woman, I was the Good Cop and she was the Bad Cop. I was too "Good." She would say what I wished I was saying. I am thinking "what I'd really like to say is..." but the words didn't flow out. It made me nervous (fearful) to speak so bodly. But why? When I know what someone needs to hear, both love & encouragement and correction & truth in love that may be painful to hear....fear creeps in and I play it safe. Yes, I have said things that clearly GOD put in my mouth and I am shocked myself, however, more common is the gentle answer.

I know, I know, God will direct words and He does, but I fight my flesh. Satan does not want me to say what needs to be said, because we must assume that all our divine appointments are from Him, for His purpose, to draw the person in need closer to Him and we have been given that moment to Shine Light in the darkness. I also know that doesn't call all of us to be the assertive, confrontation, show no mercy type either. I recognize my "type" is quiet, meek, listening, compassion, mercy, empathy, nurturing, encouraging. But there must be a Balance; and my Mentor Sister has it. Her confidence in Christ is reflective of her love for Him. She listens, draws truths, thoughts, reasons out and then applies biblical truths confidently, boldly, assured, directly to the heart and spirit that are necessary for healing, ultimately moving them closer to Christ. I am BLESSED to have been given such awesome mentors over the years!! Cherished and precious gifts!! 

So, after reading through this lesson, with my "Good, "I want to be more "Bad." I want boldness, with might, proclaiming the truths of God, even when others reject it, no matter, being true to God trumps my feelings, insecurities and insight. Spirit trumps Flesh. GOD trumps Satan!!!!!

I wish I had time to write out all the scriptures, but I encourage you to dig into Deuteronomy and hear what He has to say to YOU!!!

To my Bad Cop, I am so thankful for you!!!! You've made me stronger. You've helped me see the way fear has affected my witness, and I fear failing Him, I fear not knowing what to say or saying the wrong thing or not knowing what to say...blah blah blah...so I will work on being 'Bad." Thanks for showing me what that looks like!! I will always be "Good" but looking forward to a little more "Bad."

Thankful for Balance. Thankful for a just God. Thankful for a God whom I can trust to lead, guide and direct me, working through all my weakness. Praying I will always move out of the way for truth and love!!! God be the glory, in all I do, in word or deed. Praying to be Bad.

My Study Today: God of Mercy

Today I was reflecting on Deuteronomy 4:27-31 and my heart fell on the ground of grace.

"And the Lord will scatter you among the peoples,and you will be left few in number among the nations where the Lord will drive you. 28 And there you will serve gods of wood and stone, the work of human hands, that neither see, nor hear, nor eat, nor smell. 

29 But from there you will seek the Lord your God and you will find Him, if you search after Him with all your heart 

and with all your soul.  

30 When you are in tribulation, and all these things come upon you in the latter days, you will return to the Lord your God and obey His voice. 31 For the Lord your God is a merciful God. He will not leave you or destroy you or forget the covenant with your fathers that He swore to them."

Isn't that awesome news even for us today?! When we make our mess, choose our own ways, we end up in places we don't want to be, dealing with things we don't want to deal with, feeling lost and alone. (To be clear- we are in tribulation because we made choices to get there as in this case or God places us there-as in Job's life, as a refining moment. Either way, we all go through tribulations. There's lots of ways in but only one way out!!)

Sometimes God will scatter us (physically or emotionally) so that we are left searching for divine fellowship, fulfillment and encounter. As we wonder seemingly aimless, we can feel lost and sometimes even abandoned, in our wilderness journey. But, He is still there with us. Sometimes the only way God can get our undivided attention is to make us "be alone." I realize now, in hindsight, as usual for me, how important it is to get away from life as we know it and get alone where we are forced to rely solely on Christ for our friendship, counsel, encouragement and correction. It's sooo easy to bounce between others and ourselves to figure out what's happening in our life but clearly God wants to be our All in All. Our Everything. Mighty Counselor. Price of Peace. The Way and The Why and The How. He is I Am.

Is He enough for you? Is He just the End of the Night Guy to run your problems by in hopes a miracle will be delivered by morning's light? OUCH!!! Meeee tooooo!!!! 

Years ago, I never would have admitted that was me and truthfully, I am not even sure that I realized I was doing it. I LOVED the Lord and He was my Best Friend who had walked me alongside me through many trials, but maybe He was only my Good Listener, the One Who Heard My Tears Fall in the middle of the night, and I know He had saved me from the pit of Hell because I had placed my trust in Him as Lord and Savior of my Life. But what about living out my daily life? What about trusting Him with actually handling the details, trials, carrying my tears for me, fixing what was broken? I was a wondering girl trying to control what wasn't, and isn't, mine to control.

Just a few years ago, as you know, once again, I found myself scattered, going where I didn't want to go and when I had nothing left, I picked my face off the ground, climbed out of the pit and looked up. And I found Him, still there, watching and waiting for me. My Only. "But from there you will seek the Lord your God and you will find Him, IF YOU SEARCH AFTER HIM WITH ALL YOUR HEART AND WITH ALL YOUR SOUL."

Maybe this is you too? Are you facing tribulations right now? Do you feel abandoned, scattered, alone? Turn to Him now! Seek after HIM and not the answers and reasons or the most popular method. Find Him first and He will lead you the way to everlasting, into a Promised land with Him. "For the Lord your God is a merciful God. He will not leave you!"

Heavenly Father, My Only I Am,

Thank You for your faithfulness. My spirit is in awe as I consider the endless grace You shed on me. My heart rejoices in Your steadfastness and yet feels soooo unworthy of Your great Love for such as me. I am not worthy of something so precious. Thank You Lord Jesus for the gift of unmerited favor and grace that covers Your children. Help me to seek earnestly after You, daily, Lord, that I will not find myself scattered, but resting and trusting in Your sovereignty and outstretched arms. Cause my heart to be sensitive and obedient to Yours.

God, bring people and circumstances into our lives that will mentor and teach us how to faithfully follow You who sharpen our iron, our Sword of the Spirit! Thank You for those precious few that You have already BLESSED me with who have shined Your Light in my dark places, illuminating YOU!! Bless and keep them.

Revive Your children. Remove all hindrances that keep us from coming to Your embrace. Help us seek You FIRST. Forgive us. Cleanse us. Receive our love.

In Amazed Grace, amen.

My Homework Assignment

No, I am not back in formal school, as I wish that I was, it's not the season for me to return yet. My family is my main ministry focus as well as where I am and as I go. My quiet time with the Lord are a balance between intentional study of the Word, worship, listening/meditating, and praying. For now, the classes I attend are within my church. God has BLESSED our church with awesome Godly women and I am eternally thankful for their faithfulness to heed their call to mentor to those of us ready and eager to be intentionally taught more about our Lord.

This week began a new study under such a mentor. It is the study of Deuteronomy. Because of our Fall family calendar between school, sports and life, I will not be able to attend every Tuesday night as I wish I could but I will be there when the calendar allows. I signed up for the class to continue on in the study of Deuteronomy and keep the accountability of scripture memory and study of the Word with others, even if it is through email, I know we will see each other once a week so I am still accountable in the hallways or throughout the week for "Pop Quizes." 

What makes this study different than others is there is MAJOR accountability. As much as it makes me cringe, I also know I need it. Not only do we have to know it, but we have to SAY it....in class...infront of others. YIKES!!! There was a day years ago I would have dropped out of the class for the sheer terror of having to get up infront of the class and stumble through. But I tell ya, there was a HUGE relief to tighten up the bootstraps and stick it through. The other girls were just as nervous as me. They made a few mistakes, just like me. They wanted to get it right, just like me. Okay, so I am normal?! (Don't answer that~ that's a whole other blog!!)

So, other than the scripture memory, we were also asked to journal our thoughts or revelations as we study through Deuteronomy and she said us Bloggers could blog it and since I have been wanting to get back with consistency in here, this was a great place to start. I am really looking forward to writing again.

If you want to join me, our scripture memory for this upcoming Tuesday is: "'I am the LORD your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery. "'You shall have no other gods before me. " Deut 5:6-7

OH BOY!!!! Lessons already learned: we can become so familiar with something that we miss it altogether. I was planning on blogging about a revelation I had in my first day of study, but just as I was typing out the verse above, God said "STOP and SEE!" It took me a minute or two and then I saw it...a mistake...my scripture did not match my bible. So, I grabbed my bookmark, my bible and the bible application and could not believe I didn't catch this mistake. I have NO IDEA how in the world it happened, maybe just for this lesson alone (sorry it also affects 6 others) but somehow I copied the First Commandment in NIV and the rest is done correctly in ESV. UGH!! First, how in the world did the 2 translations mix? Second, I went over and over it to proofread and I didn't even catch the very first Commandment? I feel horrible. I don't like making mistakes especially when it affects others. So, I will quickly get the word out and remake the bookmarks before the next class.

Heavenly Father,

Thank You for Your Grace that covers every crack and fills every hole within me. As screwed up as I am, You still reign. I still belong to You. Your mercies and compassions are new every single day. It is only through making mistakes that I learn humility. Through making mistakes that I learn how to forgive. Father God, my perfectionisms are centered NOT on my glory but Yours. I NEVER EVER want to shine a poor light on YOU!!!! My greatest fear is misrepresenting You. Help me to walk in the Grace You give and not "quit all" for fear of failing, but walk in confidence that "Through It All, You are Faithful" and forgiving. You are the God of Patience and Forgiveness. Thank You for loving me enough to see me struggle so that I can draw closer to You. Whatever it takes Lord, refine me in grace! Amen.

Potty PaRty!!

 

No Ordinary Toilet ~ It's My PaRty Potty!!

Yes, you heard me correctly...this is a picture of My PaRty Potty! It has been over 2 years since I had my PaRty and it was such a sweet joy to come back to this place. As you know, December 2008 was certainly not my favorite season. When the initial panic attacks began, I was prescribed Xanax to take "as needed." Well, I HATE taking pills otherthan my vitamins. I am a minimalist I suppose. I had several people tell me they would take half a pill now and then after a tough day, and one nurse even said she takes one before each of her son's football games to help her relax!! It seemed like a simple and common thing to do for many.

This was NOT a happy pill for me, nor was it the "quick-fix" I was sooooo desperately seeking. It made me drag (not relax), and my heart continued to race. I would take it knowing in 30 minutes I'd be laying down seemingly taking a nap, but I wasn't. I was vegged out, out of it. My mind still raced with panic and yet my body was "done." After 12 hours, when it wore off, my body would amp right back up, almost worse, with my heart palpitating and my mind whirling, causing me to need to take the other half. When Day 2 came around, I saw how this cycle would be one without an end. I would not be able to stop. Not because I liked it but I feared the cycle of having to have it would not end and I was not willing to keep taking these. I was miserable, exhausted and saddened that my "quick-fix" was failing me.

I suppose like many things in our life, unless you have personally walked in the shoes, it's hard to understand it and this was so with the few friends and family close to me. They reminded me how patient of a person I was, that all would be okay, I just needed to take deep breaths, recognize the truth of the matter during any given episode, I needed to remember God loves me and that I was strong. These were all things I would say too. However, looking back, I believe God clearly allowed me to have an adverse response to the pill so that it wouldn't be my fix....HE wanted to be my fix. 

You know I was crying out to God every moment of every day to fix me, take this from me. I did know He loved me and I did know that the sky was not falling, and did know that the plane wasn't (odds are-heehee) going to crash...He was waiting for me. I was searching for His rescue and help, but He wanted me to search for Him. This goes very deep and wide for me, so I pray that God will just speak to your heart what He may desire for you to know, I could write forever on every single thing that came from this season. 

SO...I decided that I would never take the pills again and I would simply trust God to fix me, breathe deep and trust myself to handle the moments. However, I didn't toss the pills. I kept them as "back up" and "Plan B." I mean, I had prayed and begged Him to fix me and He hadn't so, I better have them just in case I was in a moment that needed intervention. Or, being totally honest, if Grace didn't come, if God didn't show up, I could take care of it somewhat. How this must have grieved Him in those fearful fits of mine. It was my flesh crying out and not my spirit.

I soon fell under great conviction. I knew that I was holding on to them because I wasn't fully trusting God. I did not have control over God but I did have control over Me, so I had my plan. I had what would be sufficient for me. So, I kept them in my purse, just in case...my little security blanket to fall back on. I knew I wasn't trusting Him fully and completely. This had nothing to do with how much I love my God, I just didn't trust Him as much as I loved Him. The boundaries of my relationship with the Lord at that time was simply Lord my Savior for my salvation and Best Friend to the lonely. I didn't fully understand that He could be, wanted to be, soooo much more. 

God began to reveal to me His awareness of my secret thoughts. I knew God knew our very thoughts, but in the midst of confusion, it's so easy to justify and excuse our way. "It was just in case I had to...." The teacher has called out His student. The Father has chastised His child. I once was lost and know I had been found. I was blind, then I could see. The pills had to go. Not because I didn't want them but because they were my mini-God, the magic in a bottle, my little wishes I had power to grant myself instead of trusting my God for grace in perfect portion for the moment. After some wrestling and fighting and eventual confession in my heart, mind and spirit, I let it go, ashamed, embarrassed and fearful but by faith knowing God would be my rescue because I had come to know Him in a way that I knew that I knew He'd be ALL I ever needed.

I called up my mentor at the time and we emptied the bottle into our hands and praised Jesus as we tossed them into the potty. What freedom!! I was no longer able to rely on self any more. I handed Jesus my body, mind and soul in that moment. He became my very help in the time of trouble. He became my Breath. He became my desperate answer. He became my greatest Love. He was faithful and forgiving, of this Doubting Peter and frightful Peter. HE was now Plan A thru Z for me. HE was now EVERYTHING!!! 

I admit my first thought was, "Oh no and Oh yah! What have I done??? and Look what HE has done!!! AMEN!!" I'd like to be able to say (in my pride) that I prayed and trusted and let go of my cares, but when you are in the middle of crashing and consuming waves, you cannot help but be frightened. Yes, there was peace but it equaled the amount of trust I had. The more I trusted Him, the more peace I received. It was a process. It's almost as if I took what I needed instead of receiving all He had to give. Oh, the lessons we learn when we cross the bridge to the other side of "Whatever!"

So, this potty is my living (ceramic) stone. Recently, my bible study homework was to recall the people, places, circumstances that have been significant in our life, drawing us closer to Christ. Then I read Joshua 4, and there was my stone! I knew it as soon as I laid my eyes on it. God IS faithful!! In our journey to Him, not only do we have the counsel of the Holy Spirit whom He has sent us, not only are we covered and spoken for, but He is kind enough to also give us each other~ The Body. God sends His hugs, love, help, blessings, reminders, encouragement and admonishment through our interactions with others. Oh how grateful I am to look down my journey road and see the many shoe prints along this path. Some are still fresh while others have faded, but the imprints are still there. The impact (good or bad) we have on eachother is eternal, it's more than just for the moment. God's seeds take root. His Light fills the longest and darkest crevices of our innermost being.

Do you have any "secrets" you think you are keeping from God? Do you have any of your own mini-Gods in your back pocket? It takes a huge bite of humble pie to confess this but we first must be willing to look honestly inside our heart, mind, soul and spirit. Then we must lay all pride aside and humble ourself before our Lord and Mighty King and confess, asking for forgiveness. Healing will come when we exchange our way for His way. And the hardest lesson I had to learn was that healing may not come as I have asked, begged or had a fit for. His faithfulness prevails and His provisions are endless, His glory and our good will result according to His perfect plan. I believe He can heal upon a single request. I also believe that He will not heal us in a single breath if there is a journey we need to take along a different path than the one we are looking at so that we will move closer to Him as well as allowing our testimony to be a living stone/testimony, drawing others to Him.

This is my constant prayer, that God will grant me courage to share my living stones with others, so that when you see them, you see The Rock, not the girl.

Maybe you need to set out some stones, marked remembrances. Our Pastor spoke about journaling just this past Sunday on the great blessings of journaling His faithfulness so that in the midst of the storms, we will remember that The One who holds the wind, rain and waves in His grip, also holds us. Trust Him. Look back and see the shoe prints. Look ahead to His promises. Look next to you, there may be a new set of shoes!!

PS. We ALL go through tough times, so be encouraged that while you may feel alone and ashamed, you are surrounded by Love. Reach out to your Abba Daddy and Lord of All, the Great I Am and He will send rescue, not to fix you, but bring you back home to Him. Whether in this life or in Glory, healing will come.

***Sidenote: to be clear- do not hear me saying something I am not. If you are taking meds, that doesn't mean you are not trusting God. If you are taking meds, it is not a sin issue. Only you know through the revelation of the Holy Spirit if the meds are in place of God. If they are your mini-Gods, to avoid facing reality and God fully and completely. Sometimes we need the meds to balance us chemically so that we may be at a physical rest to receive emotional and spiritual rest, healing, counsel and ultimately, to hear the voice of God amongst the noise. We just cannot let our meds act in the place of God, our Healer and Counselor, Redeemer an Rescue.

"Rock On" everyone!!!!!  

Michele

"And Joshua said to them, "Pass on before the ark of the LORD your God into the midst of the Jordan, and take up each of you a stone upon his shoulder, according to the number of the tribes of the people of Israel, 6 that this may be a sign among you. When your children ask in time to come, 'What do those stones mean to you?' 7 then you shall tell them that the waters of the Jordan were cut off before the ark of the covenant of the LORD. When it passed over the Jordan, the waters of the Jordan were cut off. So these stones shall be to the people of Israel a memorial forever." Joshua 4:5-7

"Therefore let those who suffer according to God's will entrust their souls to a faithful Creator while doing good." I Peter 4:19

It's Something!

There are two types of people: those who are courageous and bold and others who wish they were; those who are go-getters and others who are wishers. Those who think they can, exuding passion, strength, fearlessness, courage, energy and trust. They believe they can. They trust themselves (and God is a Believer.) Then, there are those of us who wish they could be like "them." We don't believe. We don't trust.

For those of you who know me well, you know I am the fearful one, not one of "them." However, on my journey with the Lord over the past few years, I understand that He loves me and needs me to trust Him. If I am going to please Him, share His glory with others, fight the good fight, defeat the enemy, rely on Him to heal, receive His provisions, encourage others in Him, then I MUST trust Him. 

Unlike so many that believe they are fabulous and awesome, I identify myself as weak, insignificant, cowardly and anxious; HOWEVER, because I choose to TRUST Him with my life, I am trusting HIM to be The Strength in my weakness, My Passion in my confusion, My Healer in my body, mind and soul, My Victor in my battles. I choose to trust Him.

Of course, I wish I could snap my fingers and be Superwoman- a woman of faith and strength doing all things perfectly...who wouldn't? Maturity and wisdom are built by time, patience, experience, knowledge. Just as my 4 year old cannot comprehend everything my 14 year can, we cannot fully comprehend all things about God either. It's a process. Learning is never-ending. (I am not saying we cannot learn the things of God, rather, we cannot know or understand all things about God.)

I have prayed for courage for years and in some areas of my life now, I do feel courageous and I know I am acting in courage, but I feel more cowardly than brave. As I reflected on this recently, God showed me the process. Just because I am not as courageous as I think I ought to be, I am in fact courageous. (That was r e a l  l y  hard to type.) The depth and width of it will grow as I grow in Him. In fact, the more I trust Him, the more courage I have for my Strength is from and in Him, not self. If I continue to rely on my own efforts and strengths, then weakness and fear will continue to fill me as that is all I am in my own accord. I am nothing. He is my everything.

Just a few years ago, in what I call my Season of Hell, simply the sound of a plane brought me to panic. I prayed for courage. At the time I didn't believe it to be, but that was courageous...believing that I could overcome the fear and panic. It was baby steps: we live under a flight path for our airport and yes, I considered moving so that I didn't have to be tortured by the 2 min cycle that continued hour after hour, day after day. I choose to believe God would heal, so I remained in courage. I sure didn't feel courageous. I felt horribly weak, insecure and ridiculous. Then, I began to stare my fear in the face and not coward back inside. I would stand outside on my patio and with spiritual hands on my hips, bow up to that plane. I took the stand to trust (God) and win one battle in the war. Eventually, I would be courageous enough to park outside the airport and watch the planes fly just over me before landing, to driving through the airport parking lot, to parking and going inside (this was HUGE in victory), to one day, actually boarding a plane and remaining in it!! Oh, to GOD be the Glory!!!!

I know, believe me, this sounds incredibly ridiculous, it does not even seem real to me...and we are talking about me!!!! (Hence, the Season of Hell.) It's taking e v e r y t h i n g  I have not to delete this blog right now, but I pray that me choosing to trust God with all things Me, not self, He will use this to encourage someone facing their Hell. Praise His compassionate and beautiful Name! AMEN!!!!!

I am happy and thankful to say that with Christ's courage,  I have flown in a small 4 passenger plane (crazy to be in something you feel could be remote controlled-haha); flown out of the country to Honduras (another big fear conqured); flown to the NW for 5 hours to Seattle, Washington, travelling another 2 hours by boat and car to some islands. Aside from the fear of flying that had consumed me for this season (yes, I have flown my entire life and never had issues, other than just being nervous about flying), I also feared leaving my safe place, my town, (I think it's a form of agoraphobia), I had made the decision I would just always remain here where all things were controlled, known...so travelling by plane or car or boat, was incredibly frightening. HOWEVER, once again. God met me right where I was in that process and carried me from "Glory to Glory" (LOVE that song). Our family has made a 16 hour drive to Angelfire, NM, another 18 hour drive to Colorado and just last week, a 23 hour drive to the Florida Keys. Praise Him!!!! How exciting, I know. Unless you have been here, you can't understand and you'll think this is crazy. Believe me, I felt crazy at the time. Fearing something I have done for 37 years and here I was celebrating the first mile flying, driving...crazy! 

THAT is courage, but no more courageous than the day I chose to stand on my patio and stare down that first plane.

In ALL things, 

Christ is our Strength, Rock, Refuge, Courage, Peace, Passion, Victory....our cause and our reason. 

HE is the reason I fly. HE is the reason I travel. 

HE is the reason I share. 

To GOD be the Glory. 

May He be lifted up.

Our Hope & Encouragement:

7 "  But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power 

is from God and not from us.

 

8 We are hard pressed on every side, 

but NOT crushed; 

perplexed, but NOT in despair;  

9 persecuted, but NOT abandoned; 

struck down, but NOT destroyed." 

15 "All this is for your benefit, 

so that the grace that is reaching 

more and more people 

may cause thanksgiving to 

overflow to the glory of God.  

16 Therefore we do NOT lose heart. 

Though outwardly we are wasting away, 

yet inwardly we ARE being renewed 

day by day. " 

17 "For our light and momentary troubles ARE achieving for us 

an eternal glory that FAR outweighs them all.  

18 So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. 

 

For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is ETERNAL. "

II Corinthians 4

" Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."

Joshua 1:9